Channel: Waleed Basyouni
© No part of this transcript may be copied or referenced or transmitted in any way whatsoever. Transcripts are auto-generated and thus will be be inaccurate. We are working on a system to allow volunteers to edit transcripts in a controlled system.
This one is about red flags, and relationships. So, in any relationship, there is red flags, and especially in this period of time where engagement, you're getting to know each others, if you see these red flags, it must be something, you know, if concern to you.
For instance, controlling behavior.
This can be a big red flag, you know, if you see that the guy or the girl or his family, her family are, when it comes to controlling is so obvious that they just about to control you.
You know, and regardless of your regardless of your choices, and those who have a controlling problem, it can be very problematic in the future, when marriage take place, and they have even more authority and the relationship is much stronger, you know, is not going to go less, it's going to go worse, actually.
To the extent that some men like have unbelievable level of controlling behavior, like she's not allowed to do anything, like, I give you an example, like one guy was telling me, Yanni, his wife is not allowed to go to drop the kids, for example, to school unless you take permission first, from him, not allowed to go to the grocery store until she tell him first. And that's sometimes you justify that she's initially supposed to take permission from my husband. permission from her husband. Yes. When it comes to something out of the ordinary. She's not going to be you know, tonight, I'm not going to be home, I'm going to be like spending the night with my friend or my
family. I'm going to Dallas and go but I'm going to the to the grocery store to get I need the permission from you. That's there's a problem here. You know, so controlling behavior is a problem. No, don't wear this don't do this, you know, don't do that. And and sometimes it's not
about halal or haram. It's about controlling behavior. That's why if it does satisfy him, if it if even or her even if it does not,
even if it's wrong, Islamically they feel okay. But when it does something against their what the one year they will try to use the religion used to this to just and the reality is not about it's about controlling problem controlling behavior. So that's something that you need to be aware of. And by the way, controlling comes as it from the husband, from the wife, and from their families. You know, we're not in a competition of full control who here we cooperate. We work together, we partners, you know, I'm not your slave. You're not my master. I'm not like your No, I'm not I'm what you don't control me. And I'm not a machine to be control and run an animal to be you know, train.
So this is an important for you to watch out. You know, unfounded jealousy, usually associated with controlling behavior.
Like one sister was telling me, I should have figured it out. Yeah, honey. I said what she said in the beginning of our marriage, we were walking on the mall, you know, early in the day, and we passed by the, you know, the Disney Store, Disney Store, and the Disney Store have a statue of Batman.
Then he looked at her and said, You like him?
You know, excuse me, she said.
You're like how he looks like this. Right? You should lower your gaze.
What are you talking about? He's jealous of the statue of Batman.
You know that that's how it is a guy you know, had a red tape. Literally a red tape. Three feet from the windows.
She's not allowed to cross that red tape.
Now to answer the phone
there's a woman that every night she has to check everything about her husband
his message his text message is this is this you know his email. Nothing is you just oh yeah like her. You know why would looking at her like that? Who? The girl in the mall? I don't look at anyone.
You look down. Yes. I'm lowering my gaze. No, you're looking at her behind. I Excuse me. I'm serious. This is exactly the kind of conversation that I hear from couples.
No, I'm not. You know, your case a problem. Put your eyes opposite problem. What should I close my eyes.
You know, my brother telling me chef, we were in the
In the in the Walmart okay and in Walmart you know the girl has given me a change like the ground the cashier she's nice just you know how in the in the south people here friendly Honey How you doing how's your day like she's like a little bit of like you know being friendly nothing and he's don't really think much of yourself you know normal she said and she gave me the change was he giving me a change his wife step and she had his hand and her hand on the whole change under the face and we're over the place
Oh, why didn't you come hug him to why Allah Allah Allah Allah Allah Why are you touching my husband's hand? What?
What are you talking about?
Sounds like unfounded jealous
jealousy so this is something serious in the beginning you find all this like kind of jealousy this is will be 10 times more worse in the future
a smack a kid in your own you know or violence or children that's a red flag thank you you know, or like
you know who's like about to strike in the that's a red flag big red flag constant criticism
Oh, the guy who rented out this house to you was not good. Oh the one who did the plumber oh the one who did this. Oh that I constantly Oh, this is not the best car you know? Oh, you didn't get a good deal. Oh, yeah. constantly criticize. Also you
Oh, why did you do this? Why did you go to the school Why did you get this job? Why did you do her last history and he keep keep criticizing Chris? That's a red flag. Substance abuse.
If somebody says addiction to smoking, hookah or shisha or or like a you know, cigarettes or alcohol, that's big red flags.