How To Be Happy

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Waleed Basyouni

Channel: Waleed Basyouni

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Assalamu alaikum

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today's talk is about Shave Club

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advantage benefiting from quadriga inshallah toasty until 9pm. There'll be a short q&a session. Please only ask question main topic, text your questions or number given the shank is from America. He is part of our mocker Institute. He is very knowledgeable inshallah will benefit from.

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As Karen said, she is

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director of wild spirit the president of American Institute is an Egyptian and living in the United States. One of the most famous rituals on Islam, we ask Allah subhanaw taala to bless him and to give us the benefit from his knowledge. One thing that the shift told me now, he felt that he wanted to speak about a topic which is more beneficial to us. So rather than speaking about maximizing the Zuma, he will be speaking about how to have a happy social life. So today's topic Mashallah is having a happy social life within the guidance of the Quran and the Sunnah of the Prophet Muhammad Salah Salah, and now we move the floor to the shift

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it's up to you guys. What do you like the both are we can talk about how to maximize our benefit of the Duma with the share was telling me he gave you several lectures already about the tickets of Juma has encouraged me to

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push the other topic as well as the other one is how to have a happy social life. Which one you guys want?

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Okay.

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Yeah.

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The happy

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by La La salatu salam ala rasulillah what are you excited about?

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All Praise to Allah His praise and blessings and peace be upon our Prophet Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, his family, his companion to his followers until the day of judgment. I bear witness that allows the only one we're here for sure. And Muhammad Sallallahu Sallam his last and final messenger dear brothers and sisters, I'm very happy and excited to be with you tonight.

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Panel I've been visiting the UK all the way north from Glasgow away down here to London all the way to this point now and tomorrow inshallah heading back home and I wasn't planning to be here tonight. But all this kind of data through his wisdom and grace and mercy give me this opportunity to meet even more community and the invitation was given to me by this wonderful family exam Allah.

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May Allah Subhana Allah reward them tremendously. How to Have a happy social life. The human being is a social creature by nature, and inside and inside the puppet it is a social person.

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Allah subhana wa tada have created us naturally like to socialize with other that's why we call human beings in Arabic language we call them what pneus and ness originally comes from the oneness, which is a person in oneness it means when you feel comfortable with because there is voices

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around you. That's what the word NASA originally NASA, it means the voices or the sound that comes from people around you and they talk to each other. That's called oneness or

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the original root of the word. NASS meaning Noah's witches. That voice is that you became comfortable to hear, comfortable to hear. So even the word that we choose to display,

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the name that was given the Arabic language originally, to the human being is a word express his social nature. When a loss has added, created, Adam created Adam, Adam was alone, and he feels so lonely, so on. So that's why I created for him who Eve Hawa created for him Hawa Eve, and he created her work for him for his social need before any other need any what was created for other to fulfill his social needs before any other means that he might need he might have at that point. That's why even your spouse fulfill one of the most important needs of your

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Life, which is your social meet, a companionship, a companion ship. So human beings as the opposite

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of 11, the ship oncology

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upon

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me the caring,

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in a coma.

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In a honeymoon,

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all human, surely we have created you from a curiosity of a male and a female, and made you tribes and families and nations. He did not make us individuals, he made us tribes, nations families, that's how he made human beings. So human beings by nature are very social creatures, very social creatures.

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And we cannot deny this fact that we are by nature, social, but also in the same time you might find

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among us people, their social skills is different from one another, their social interest is different from one another, there is we are not the same, we're not the same. Some of us are more social than others. Some of us may maybe even have a social phobia, as we saw, he is some people who don't like to socialize. This is very rare. Social Anxiety Disorder is not an interaction. It's a very common, you know, I don't know about the UK, but in the United States, for example, it is the largest psychological problems is the third.

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The third,

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psychological problems in the United States in general, comes number three. So I would assume it's the same thing here. The social

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anxiety disorder is a common disease that psychologists and psychologists do deal with and that's not my area. That's not my specialty. That's not what I want to talk about today. But

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what we are going to talk about is our social life, especially as a Muslim community, who hamdulillah with socialistic each other in the master, we meet each other in the master every day, we meet each other and Juma every week, we unfortunately is not as it should be, that we go visit one another, at homes, we social live became less and less today with this modern technology. And it's very ironic, don't you agree with me that the more social media, we have the lists, social interaction we have, you need now you go to Costa Rica to buy coffee, you stay in the line, nobody talks to anybody anymore. Everybody is like, you know, in his in his phone, talking or text

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messaging, we don't say Hey, good morning, sir. How you doing? What's your deck? You know, even people say America, very friendly people, even this is not him anymore, existing anywhere that you go to, people became less interacting with others. And it's so interesting to see even us as a Muslim community, who that is so many other reason. Besides, naturally, we also encourage us to be social creatures, currently became more social with our friends. So what does have the social life looks like? You know, how happy social life looks like.

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It is to have a social confidence as number one, my opinion. So happy social life, it's to have social confidence, your confidence in your skill that you can initiate talk with others. And also you feel that you can interact with others freely, in a friendly manner, and to be loved by other and to live in peace with them. That's what that's why we call it a hobby, social life, your ability to communicate fairly, to be interact with people to live in peace, no fight, you don't have problems, the neighbors have no problem with your family members, with your in laws, with your you know, with your

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co workers, and so forth. But I want you to pay attention to something here very important. Your success and your social life does not necessarily depend on how people react and how people treat you. It's actually related to how you act with people, how successful you are, not how they are towards you. Because you might you know, it is your success always depend on something that you have control over it. And that's number one key success in life. Don't ever make your success in life depends on something you have no control over it. And I'll give you example because this is a very important

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One time, I asked parents a couple uniformity. And I asked this question very often two fathers, I said, how would you

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define yourself as a successful father?

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What makes you a good father, a successful father?

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My kids became religious. My kids memorize the Quran. That's the common answer, I get my kids get a good degree, my daughter get married to get next guy, and to be happy in her life.

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My kids go to Jenna. You know, that's all the answer that a guy. And I said to them, those people who have given me those answers, and maybe some of you have these answers, unfortunately, I can tell you that the sad news is, I don't think you will ever be satisfied with yourself.

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Why? Because you have define your success. And you've made your success on the hand of somebody else, which is your kids.

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And your success, as the Father has nothing not has to do anything with your kids, it has to do with you. So when you say my kids to have a happy marriage, it's not in your hand to make it a happy marriage, it's nothing, you have to have a good husband, for your daughter. It's not in your hand for your son to be religious. It's not in your hand to send to go to gender, you don't own gender, you don't control that you don't control any one of these points. That's why you will never feel satisfied. And you will always live your life in an anxiety and unrest and no peace in your life. Why because you have made your life depend on something you have no control over it. You know, smart

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father would say, I will be a successful father, if I was able to teach my kids Islam. That's something I have control over. They take it they don't take it, they apply, they don't apply. It has nothing to do with my success. As a father, I did my role. You know, my successful father, if I taught my daughter how to find the good husband, how to be a good wife, how to be a good mother, when this is something I have control over. My I cannot have it was somebody said, My kids love karate. I can make them love karate. But I will say this like so far, if I provide the proper education about what I'm for my kids, I told my kids about the deep, I did my part. And that's how

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you will be successful and you will feel rest in your life. So the same concept here in social life. I want you from the beginning to realize that your success depends always on what you have control over in your own life. Because Allah Subhana Allah will never ever asked you to be in charge of something you have no control over it. Like you can live in love with Epson Illa MA in Lhasa. We only what Allah give you what make you could have control over that's what you're responsible for. Not anything else, not any thing else. subhanho salatu salam no God and movement, yet live life. The province of Salaam said that movement is a person who is can be easily loved. People can get be he

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is a friendly or she they are friendly. And you can be friends with that's the nature of the moment. And let me know how you know in LA you moon can Germany and if indeed and Todd were in Estonia as

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well any minute, one hour and variability of memory. It means that the process of them said the movement or easygoing or nice gentle you know there are like that camel which is the process arm said. And basically there are certain camels so friendly. So obedience that you can pull usually they put like, it's like what you have today the nose

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appears Yeah, they put it in the in the nose of the camel, and you just pull the camel from that, you know, appears that you put it in the nose, you just pull up, pull the candle it will come with you. He said that's how the movements are, how the movements are very easy to go. very easygoing, very nice, very friendly people that you'd like to be with. That's, that's the nature of the believers. So let's see what can make our social life very successful or we have a happy social life. I have 15 points. So there's too many points, but you do need to apply all of them. Maybe pick three or four you like and stick to them.

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Okay, so if you don't remember all the 15 I'm fine. Don't be sad, but at least pick five of them. Because not everyone will apply to each and every one of us. That's why I get all the 15 and I'm going to start with number 15

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from the bottom up, number 50, which is

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I'll start from number 15.

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You need to realize that pleasing all people is impossible. And it is not what going to make you

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realize what they said in the old days tolerable realness lie a lot of pleasing people is impossible, all peoples impossible. You know, this is a joke, a man with a son, we're walking and they have a donkey. So the father was in the donkey riding the donkey and the son walking. People said, Oh, he has no mercy for his son. So he let his son write the donkey with him. This dog has no mercy on the donkey. So they both walk. And so he let the son walk and the father Oh, he has no respect for the Father. They both walk and nobody on the donkey. They said, Oh, what a stupid for couples, they have the donkey and not dividing it. And

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then finally we carry the donkeys.

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I mean, if you try to please people, you will never it's never going to end. So make number one rule that this is to have a happy social life. Allah not asking you to make everybody happy. That's not your that's not your responsibility. So what are you going to do to do the right thing? To do the right thing, but some people they feel that they have to they have to please people and sometimes we please people, even if they disagree is almost kind of taught. They care so much about pleasing people that they will and even to displease God. So he think that because I don't want them to get mad at me, I cannot say Hey, stop, this is leave at this backbiting. I can be part of that. You want

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to be in my house, no gossip, sorry. So sister will fake fear that they're going to talk about about her or the United Gotta love her or a brother, you know, he's not going to be like a cool guy to hang out with no, this is how I stopped? No, because I want to please them, I displeased the last panel without surrounding rule number one, it is basically or number four number 50. That remember that you don't need to, you need to realize that pleasing old people is impossible. And it is not what going to make you happy anyway. Number 14.

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self confidence. Self Confidence is absolutely important to build us happy social life.

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And this is

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maybe the most important element that destroy destroy your social life, when you have a lack of confidence in yourself. because believe it or not the way you see yourself, that's exactly the way people will see.

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So make sure that you build, you know, good self confidence. Don't walk around with your head down, low, low, thinking that you have nothing to offer others don't come to a group of people or to when you enter a conversation. Don't think of yourself less. Don't think of yourself that you have you know, you have something to apologize for it. Sometimes I tell you, sometimes I go to meetings, okay, interfaith meetings. So I have this brother with me. It's a group. You know, we have people from churches from different community, not not even faith based community. And this brother was me the first things that I'm sorry, my name is very hard to be pronounced just one.

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So why are you so apologetic? What? So Bob do name is very, you know, their name is very hard for me to pronounce?

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Do you think their names are very easy for me to pronounce? Why would you see what this person cannot have a good social life because you almost feel that less than the other people. You know, I don't need to, I don't need to feel us. I need to feel comfort. And by the way, there is a big difference between confidence and confidence, something that surely I want you to have. But Kibera is not something they should have wanted to what this can be what's arrogant, arrogant, the person defining it is to see people less is to be see people less and basically, and to reject the truth when it appear to you. To see everybody less than you. That's why brothers and sisters,

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humility, humility. tilava is not to think less of yourself. Humility is to think less about yourself.

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And big difference. You don't think less of yourself, you think less about yourself. So as Muslim, we have been ordered to double x we have some

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incident law we also mean it's one of the concepts, one of the meaning of confidence that you have that self confidence which

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is not arrogant. Again, it is where basically you have that self come so assuring.

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So

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remember that you don't have to prove yourself to anyone, when you enter in any friendship in any conversation. I'm not I'm not entitled to prove myself to anyone, you are unique the way you are, you are unique the way you are.

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And, you know, as I always say, everybody is unique in his own way, and that's absolutely true. So what do you need to do always look for the good things that you have, what you can offer people and that will ensure a good, a good life for you. Also, one of the things that I would like you to look at, which is number 13, it will assure you a good happy social life, that you focus on your own business.

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social good social life, it doesn't mean you put your nose in other people's business so many times, you know, I found people's nose or my business and have to give it back to them.

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It is it is ridiculous. Sometimes people just put themselves Okay, and I noticed this any in some community, it's a culture method and somebody said Mashallah, what do you do I teach how much you make

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how

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much they pay you for that year?

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What's your business model? asako like I said, I'm what audio but not your business where I am?

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What are you asked Where are you? What are you doing? You know, don't put your people in other people's business. That's a bad man. We need to learn to respect people's privacy. That simple thing but believe me, people don't like to hang with people like that will always ask question like this all Mashallah, you got this house with rebels? No. Do

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you know

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how much you pay for it? Where did you get the money from? How much the car cost you? What are you going to do? No, that's absolutely that's not a hobby social life. That person no one want to hang out with her or him. And that's not right. In the bisazza. Metacom, Carmen Houston Islam in Turku, Mata, any one of the signs of your good Islam is to focus in on man matters. And you don't involve yourself in matter. It doesn't concern you. It doesn't concern you. And we need to learn that we need to learn that. And the worst part of it my brothers sisters, which is ruin our social life, and it's absolutely head on when we start looking after people's faults.

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And we expose it to temper our attentiveness. Which is basically you look after people's faults and mistakes and problems. And you just, oh, did you hear what happened in his house last night, they were fighting when the fighting and use all they were fighting, they got the police then she divorced him she did that he did that. And all the time that people just dig in other people's business and to expose it sometimes even that's worse, that's even worse. And it'd be so awesome what he said. He said men data, our data, our data,

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whoever look after people's mistakes and false to spread it around, almost exposes hidden mistakes, even if it's done inside his house.

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You know, and thanks for Facebook. You know, everybody knows everybody else business

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is interesting. The media, like for example, reality shows and stuff like that, you know, it gives you that habit of looking at, but at least this is people's permission. That's fine, you know, but but the problem is when people develop the habit of putting their nose and other people's businesses and looking for things that it doesn't concern them.

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One of the things that will help you to have a very good social life, to learn how to forgive

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you and have a good social life. You need to learn how to forgive why? because nobody's perfect.

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What's Shafi Rahim Allah said, law that maybe authority Could you call me what I can call home

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into the authority

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that

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if you pick everybody's if you pick up everybody's his own mistake or her own mistakes, you know, you're going to be left alone.

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You need to learn to know that people make mistakes and you need to learn to let it go.

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Allah Subhana Allah said which is better than a Chevy said, what

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he came in as new

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One of the great things is to have the ability to be patient and ability to forgive. And the ability to forgive is a very high level. It's not an easy thing.

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And you will be able to forgive other people who commit wrongs to you don't forgive me when I, if any, if you don't forgive people who did nothing to you, no, no, you forgive people who have done wrong to you.

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Or even draw him out law

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right before he died.

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And then came hiding his

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characters face, sleep,

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and walk between the crowd.

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Everybody want to look at him. And even you do know how much this man in the end of his life, everybody just want to have your guns. Not even Muslim, even though Muslim, his doctor, a Christian, Christian, he came to me and he said, My priest his wishes in life to see before you die. Can you give him permission?

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Then he said yes, he can come

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to that it's even that even non Muslim would love to senior Rutland.

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So this isn't, that's why imagine upon his death, how crowded The house was. And this man came in between the ground covering his face and he came next to the management suite. And he said, yeah.

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And he uncovered his face. And you remember me? He said, Yes, I do.

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He said, Would you forgive me? He says, Yes, I do. that his son said, Yeah. How can you forgive him? Who's that man? This is the gelato. This is the soldier who used to hit him with the web.

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When they when he was in jail.

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This man said one lie I used to work with and hit back. While lie if I had an elephant, I would broke the elephant's back.

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He came to me before he dies, please forgive me. He said will lie. I forgive you the same night, that day. Or the same day that day? When I went back to so I forgive him, that his son he said, How?

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Why did you do that? Father then told him son, what do you say? Allah subhanaw taala said femen have a doodle Who are

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those so forgive us like even basically improve, go back to good relationship with the person after you forgive the person. I do a lot that he word belong to a lot because the reward is so much our The only one knows how much reward you're going to get. Then he said Your Son Son, what do you talk about? Yes, I'm forgiven because of that. That's why brothers and sisters, when a lot described the believers, the mumineen how he described him, he said,

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What's

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wrong?

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Oh boy,

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in the last half hour described the believer, those who always run fast to the mercy and to the forgiveness of the road, they are marching fast agenda, a paradise bigger than the heavens in the earth. It was made for them. Who are they? Those who spend my money for the sake of Allah in secret and n

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in public, in the sorry in the time of ease and the time of hardship and those who control the anger and those who forgive us. Well, Athena is those who forgive others. A lot of you have been lost love the West and the one who is good to other

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Believe it or not,

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believe it or not.

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When you hold the resistant, resistant towards others and willing to forgive them. You are a bond to that same exact person that you don't like that you're angry at. You are bond to that person by emotion link is stronger than steel.

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Forgiveness is the only thing gone to dissolve that link and set you free

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I just don't mind if I have something in my heart against one person that that brother that says

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that means I'm connecting myself to that person with the link, as I said, is stronger than Steve and the negative emotion in my heart because I hate it. I can't stand him. I'm angry at him. That's a negative emotion. That's right. I'm connecting myself as long as I don't forgive that person. I'm linked to that person. The moment I forgive him of that dissolve that link between me and him that negative feelings and emotion that feeding my heart feeding my mind and draining my power, making the stress it will dissolve. You set yourself free

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who's letting go okay?

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It's not the end of the world

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that is parallel one of the one of the best rewards or forgiveness immediately happened to you because you set yourself free

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you physically live in a law

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he was told in the master somebody have stolen your money. He had his money in that and it was taken stone

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so for when seen later on crime

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so so one of the people said who loves them hopefully who thought and for avoid crying because he lost? He lost the money. So you see the amount I can give your money if you want. He doesn't know if you

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never cared about money.

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Then he said I'm not crying because they lost the money.

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Then he said so what is your grant? What was the reason why Why are you crying? He said because I thought I was thinking about I just came to mind the day of judgment when they stand before me and that person who stole my money

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and won or lost or that I asked him for what why he stole the money. How did he get that money?

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And I put myself in his shoes when I have no answer no answer to offer

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on I feel bad for him

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I feel bad for him that's one crime

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what a heart You know there is a great champion scholar by the name of the man and no you're a human love to know how we

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can human lamb on the night was praying in his house. A thief jumped in his house inside couldn't find anything except album no shoes.

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You stole took your shoes and left the window was praying he filled the noise and he realized that somebody

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wasn't married.

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He stole his basically his his shoes and left so he opened the door he finished his Salah quickly and went after him. So the thief running and even though running after him You know why?

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You know to capture him to get his shoes back No, he was screaming at me said he had he had a comment here.

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It's a gift to you please say I accept it.

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You only know what I'm all attracted to because the Shafilea

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the gift is a form of transaction. Any transaction in business transaction that is offered an acceptance Okay, stealing that is no transact it's a stealing offer an acceptance. So you know, we tried to transfer this action from stealing to make it as a gift. So he said it's a gift to please say I accept because if he said I accept it became a gift not anymore a stolen item

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that these hearts a heart were six were successfully any able to deal with people because they don't hold anything in that art.

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And the best example and I kept it for the last is

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how many how many times we learned from his life. His ability to forgive this enemy before forgiving his friends before it forgiving his family member before forgiving your father or your sister or your cousins or your spouse or your children.

00:34:38--> 00:34:42

Why this heart our heart is so solid that not willing to forgive

00:34:45--> 00:34:47

him in the deal for some of

00:34:48--> 00:34:59

his his face covered with blood. And in the B saucer lab. Cut any one of these present you see the blood and you know my adaminaby Oh no success.

00:35:00--> 00:35:19

ever come to a nation that they made their profit bleeds or the bleed the profit, or they basically heard the profit making bleep. Then when he saw the bleeding, what the process and respond was, he said, Oh Allah, forgive my own law, forgive my people forgive my tribe, they don't know they are ignorant.

00:35:21--> 00:35:24

And when he conquered Mecca, he said, You're all free to go.

00:35:27--> 00:35:30

These are not just a nicer story, we entertain ourselves.

00:35:32--> 00:35:38

These stories is meant to be a role model for us in our life, if we want to achieve a good social life.

00:35:40--> 00:35:41

Number

00:35:43--> 00:35:43

11.

00:35:44--> 00:35:49

If you want to have a good social life, try to avoid arguments.

00:35:50--> 00:36:00

argumentation is a destruct it does destroy your life, destroy your social life, destroy your American relationship with your wife, destroy your friend, your friendship

00:36:02--> 00:36:05

and loss pannacotta financial help.

00:36:13--> 00:36:14

And sort of verse 14, was

00:36:16--> 00:36:21

that the neglected financial hoonah? Yeah. And then talk

00:36:22--> 00:36:49

where they said this young lady under cost, they forgot. No, no, they neglect that's the right translation, the neglect part of the book, or the message was sent to them. And the last time I said a lot, maintain enemy towards one another. Listen to one of the great scholar among the topic in what he said in a comment on this verse, or remember him in the higher

00:36:51--> 00:36:52

part of our avena, who went

00:36:54--> 00:36:56

through high school math he wanted

00:36:57--> 00:37:08

that Allah made them argue with each others. And because of these arguments, in arguing with each other, that would lead them to hate one another, and to fight one another.

00:37:09--> 00:37:24

Without equanimity sallallahu Sallam said, unbelievable rigidity and Allah to cause him the most hated men, to Allah, Allah, Allah, the One who argue, and when he argue he is so aggressive in his argument.

00:37:26--> 00:37:27

So mean and his argue

00:37:30--> 00:37:51

and avoid argumentation that would lead to destruction. Because arguing, you know, it's happened, we can avoid it completely. But not to be a person who knows that you like almost to argue in some brothers, even my community sometimes I have some people. Yeah, you don't open any subject. And he's willing to debate you over.

00:37:53--> 00:37:53

Give me a break, man.

00:37:56--> 00:38:30

Any people just want to argue over anything. For nothing, be willing to spend 10 minutes arguing with you, and maybe sell a license in a law have prepared a beautiful house on the lower level in Ghana for those who will avoid argumentation even if they have the truth. And even if I'm right 100% correct. I know this person argue with ra ne and his opinion is absolutely wrong. But I avoided I just leave it alone. Because I don't want to argue Allah will reward me with that house.

00:38:33--> 00:38:34

Number 10.

00:38:36--> 00:38:37

Which is interesting,

00:38:38--> 00:38:52

simple, but will assure you a very happy social life. Very simple, easy act. It's an act of charity, an act that Allah loves and everyone else which is smiling.

00:38:54--> 00:39:09

smiling. It is one the second best things that you can do with your lips after the colon. Okay, so it is the curve that make everything straight.

00:39:12--> 00:39:23

Smiling is such a beautiful habit. Listen to what jabber said. He said, Never met the Prophet as an analyst. I saw him smile.

00:39:26--> 00:39:28

And know the comparison. I met the person more than 100 times.

00:39:30--> 00:39:32

And every time I met him, I found him smiling.

00:39:33--> 00:39:41

As he was asked about the person at home how he looked like he said he was the person who smiles and laugh the most.

00:39:43--> 00:39:47

Because some people might shout a lot big smile outside the house inside the house.

00:39:50--> 00:39:54

Well likes a very bad habit. I don't know when we picked it up from those Muslims.

00:39:55--> 00:39:59

We think smiling is bad. Oh smiling. It makes you

00:40:00--> 00:40:07

Like Lissa personality, especially you get old you don't smile. We think that, you know, though ocular

00:40:08--> 00:40:16

that's that's nonsense. Mohammed Hassan, I'm better than you no matter who you are as an individual so never left his smile until he dies

00:40:19--> 00:40:39

in it travel a lot all over the world. Sometimes, sometimes when I travel, I check that I go to Juma MST while liable sisters, I'm saying this and hope this won't change. And I say this everywhere I go, I go to the Juma to give the hope of drama. I can tell you 70% if it's not more in the people in the master,

00:40:41--> 00:40:44

not what I'm giving the hope about. I'm just walking between

00:40:46--> 00:40:47

checking me out

00:40:49--> 00:41:10

you know, I go to the airport, I don't know who picking me up. I be in America, you know, it's not like here, it's kind of credit different. So one of the things sometimes you need to look carefully to find who is the Muslim in the crowd. So anyway, so so many times I recognize the brothers. I look at the people in the waiting area, the people who don't smile.

00:41:14--> 00:41:15

People like this

00:41:19--> 00:41:20

is not our

00:41:21--> 00:41:36

show it. You know, some people just lost their smile. But the good news is for those who lost their smile, the good news, the good news from them is that your smile didn't go anywhere, it just right under your nose.

00:41:38--> 00:41:45

Just right there. Yes, smile, smiling is not going to make people around you happy, it's going to make you happy.

00:41:47--> 00:41:52

You know, every single study today in psychology, saying that the people's

00:41:54--> 00:41:57

physiology affect their psychology.

00:41:59--> 00:42:22

The way you put the mood you put yourself in, that's how you're going to feel. If you smile, if you open your chest, if you basically Raise your head up, you will feel good. But if you basic plus your shoulder, you look down, you like those, you got to feel about believer, you got to have a negative feelings. And you got to feel down. So smile and shine.

00:42:23--> 00:42:30

That's sure a very good happy life, social life for you. Number nine,

00:42:31--> 00:42:32

respect.

00:42:33--> 00:42:36

You want a happy social life, you need to know how to respect others.

00:42:37--> 00:42:43

Respect is a very easy word to sit by word, but it requires a lot of paying attention to it.

00:42:44--> 00:42:48

Respect is a missing ingredient unfortunately, in our social life today,

00:42:49--> 00:42:56

especially with young kids with young generation. You I can't I can't imagine. You know,

00:42:58--> 00:43:28

one of the thing that's really making me so impressed with Killian when he came to me the way he talks to me, because most of the kids in his age, really think that his father for that and as mother for that, but most of the kids in his age. You know what? Parents I see this Mikey, I don't know. How about you guys are gonna talk to the kids or mother talk to the kids. And he's like playing games. Yeah, I'm okay. Where's the response? You didn't even look at your father. You need to look at your mother.

00:43:30--> 00:43:45

You know, you talk to them and they don't even give you they don't even have one thing to try me crazy. Okay, when somebody give me Salah, yeah, I'm doing like this. And I hold his hand and said, Hey, if you want to give me so I'm gonna shake my head. You better look to my eyes.

00:43:47--> 00:44:06

I also teach my kids this. If you give something to someone, you stop you give Salah you look at your individual Elias. And when somebody called him with the process of them walking and somebody call him he never saw them answered like this golden nugget here, he will move and he will face the person just they said yes.

00:44:10--> 00:44:12

That's a respect.

00:44:24--> 00:44:25

That's what you call Respect.

00:44:27--> 00:44:41

Respect, it has to be with everyone. Not only with the ship, sometimes I'm outside the mustard. And I have brother talking to me, someone comes to me. So I wanted to share and that guy will be even not giving Salah

00:44:43--> 00:44:59

not only to the ship, to the ship and to the person respect is not only to the elder to the older and to the children, so many older people they don't give respect to the young kids. Which is absolutely not acceptable with respect to everyone. Respect is that is that is a matter

00:45:00--> 00:45:14

There should be carried with everyone that we deal with, with respect in Muslim and non Muslim, where a family member or a non family member will respect older and young. But no doubt the elder deserve more respect.

00:45:16--> 00:45:57

But as the respect is given to respect given to religious or non religious people, in which we should show that type of respect, because that's part of many parts of the respect you do, Mark, you don't be sarcastic, you don't humiliate. This is not and you can imagine all kinds of things that just goes against that concept of respect, and almost solid rot, you can read in this surah. So many aspects of respect a lot emphasis on it, don't mock one another, don't make fun of one another. And so forth. Number Let's close down quickly. Number seven. If you want to have a happy social life, have a positive attitude.

00:45:59--> 00:46:35

You know, there's a big difference between someone who has a negative attitude and somebody have positive attitude, those who are always complaining. Those who are always criticizing those who are always angry, they're also always out those who are always pointing the problems. Those who only focus on the wrong things. Those who always talking about, you know, mincing negative words. Oh, it's not gonna happen. Oh, it's not working out. Oh, I can't do this. Alright. This negative attitude, it make your social life miserable. And make no one ever want to come closer to you.

00:46:36--> 00:46:42

Even the closest people to you even your own family member, they don't want to talk to you more than two minutes.

00:46:43--> 00:46:57

Because this negativity in dark, it doesn't go it doesn't take you anywhere. You sit with someone, the process of the discard whether the other person said he said Whoever said all people are bad, he is the worst.

00:46:59--> 00:47:02

He said mankind hurricane Nashville.

00:47:03--> 00:47:13

He is the worst who've ever said all people are going to be destroyed. He is the one who is the most deserve to be destroyed. He is the worst among

00:47:15--> 00:47:16

also number six.

00:47:18--> 00:47:24

You want to have just tried to rip it up in five minutes. If you want to have a happy life, social life

00:47:25--> 00:47:26

truthfully truthfulness.

00:47:28--> 00:47:30

It's nothing like being truthful.

00:47:31--> 00:47:35

The process of them said in them in shoveling NASA in the law one of the worst

00:47:37--> 00:47:38

the one has two faces.

00:47:39--> 00:47:45

He meets you know face and behind another face. And a portion some people have three faces.

00:47:59--> 00:48:16

And it's so bad. This is like another big problem. And quickly you will be figured out truthfulness is one of the secret for people's love. Nast is important and I love to be with someone I can trust

00:48:17--> 00:48:18

is a truthful person

00:48:20--> 00:48:22

number five humility

00:48:24--> 00:48:55

humility is another reason for you to have a social life you know people like to be around those who are humble. Those who are don't see themselves better than others. Yeah, see, nobody knows who is better than except a loss of habitat in economical in the light. And the more topo you have the more you put yourself down. The prophet SAW themselves in LA Oh Ha. La Anto had left.

00:48:57--> 00:49:09

In St. Muslim, the process I've said a lot have revealed to me that we should be have humility towards one another. We should not feel any better.

00:49:10--> 00:49:13

You should not feel you're better than your brother.

00:49:15--> 00:49:43

Anyone and he's had a lot had been modeled a lot on the companions. He was seen eating with people very poor. Very poor. Okay. And one of the people told him I told him Why do you eat was such people like they smell bad. They're very bad, very unique feel to them, you know of some diseases, that it almost said what a lot of you didn't know maybe this man in the day of judgment will be one of the kings of the

00:49:44--> 00:49:47

Carlisle medical miracle.

00:49:48--> 00:49:54

Maybe this will be king. I'll tell you my own story. I was in middle school.

00:49:55--> 00:49:59

Okay, this is the end of my years of middle school.

00:50:00--> 00:50:05

Which is basically we have six years elementary than three years of middle school. I was a third year,

00:50:06--> 00:50:07

ninth grade.

00:50:08--> 00:50:24

And this is my first time to meet someone. I heard a lot about him. I've heard a lot about his knowledge and and a lot about him. He is the Grand Mufti of the country that we're living in, which is Saudi Arabia at that time. His name, his share of the rise is

00:50:26--> 00:50:34

known as the Father and wallet. This is a kid, you know, in ninth grade, and now going to see this Grandma,

00:50:36--> 00:50:40

this is my first counter juggling boss in his house.

00:50:41--> 00:51:29

He was not impressed. I'll tell you what's really stuck in my head until this moment, not the amount of knowledge and the factors and the Hadeeth and the coating that he did not know what stuck my head doesn't handler also I appreciate but what stuck to my head and made me feel and fall in love. Social, the social aspect, fall in love with this man, that moment until today is what happened next. The food comes his lunch. Then he invited everybody to lunch, I was able to sit with him so many people, you know, on a camera, they basically run your credit, almost like running to ensure a spot on the floor that has a big huge, you know, plate and people around it.

00:51:30--> 00:51:37

A kids in ninth grade stakes sitting in the same table or the same setting with the Grand Mufti

00:51:38--> 00:51:51

that's in itself something. Well, why are the molars my witness, the person was next to me is a person with his, you know, overall the clothes, the one who cleaned the street outside.

00:51:53--> 00:51:57

The guy who cleaned the street, they have very distinguished orange

00:51:58--> 00:52:44

dress was next to me. And distinctive, we'll all have our hands and the rice and the meat to eat with him. And with us a person. I don't know who it was a kid, I don't know. But I know because they sent me so he's a person from the royal family. He had a guest who was a minister of alpa from one country. He has two dignitaries from African countries as well. And even with them there is a police and I don't know who they are. I was a kid I don't even today though they are. And the rest are shoe hunts of knowledge. But for me to be able to sit a kid and and the people on that level, all of us sitting together like that. It was a shock. You know what catch my heart is the humility that the

00:52:44--> 00:53:13

lava and shabads Rahim Allah was told so many times by people Seamus 30 years, he never had lunch with his family. 30 years, he never had a single day lunch with his family. He said, always with the public. They told him chef, sometimes these people come from the street and they smell bad. He said whoever like it, come to my lunch, you'd like it, eat and come meet me after that. I don't ever tell anyone to I don't pick my my guests. My door is open for everybody.

00:53:15--> 00:53:20

This is a hobby social life that's make you love when you are a person of humility.

00:53:21--> 00:53:27

Number four, being patient, because people are hard to deal with.

00:53:28--> 00:53:32

It's not easy to deal with you. That's why the process of them said and the new hotness westvaal as

00:53:34--> 00:53:43

well as the person who will mix with people and is patient with them better than the person who avoid them completely. So you have to be patient with people.

00:53:45--> 00:53:50

Allah subhanaw taala said was masaba Be patient. Number three,

00:53:51--> 00:53:56

which is very interesting point to keep in mind. Let small things go.

00:53:57--> 00:54:04

You know what, this is not the forgiveness. No, no. I mean, have the attitude of the half of the

00:54:07--> 00:54:18

year and the 90% of your success with people that you let small things go don't pick on people. Don't be like you know, the others that company goes and pick every single thing in your

00:54:20--> 00:54:38

numbers when you have been audited by the government or something. You know, just let things go. And this is very good, especially dealing with relatives. You know, just let small things go. Don't be judgmental, and think of yourself responsible for other people's action and everything happened you have to comment on

00:54:41--> 00:54:41

to

00:54:42--> 00:54:44

purify your tongue.

00:54:45--> 00:54:49

You will have servicers alive, make your stand pure

00:54:50--> 00:54:59

bad words curse. You know all these, you know, initiative words that are presented bad words.

00:55:00--> 00:55:21

don't have it in your tongue. And then we saw Santa Melissa Villa is one of the bar. At the moment a person who don't curse. A moment is a person who don't say bad words. Now you should belong to immunotoxin. Allah hates to hear you seen bad words, replaced with good words.

00:55:23--> 00:55:40

Which is the next one replaced with good word instances OLED Matic fique, yellow B and D gotta be MC dot for the people that will make a short a happy life for you. I have a social life for you which is choosing good words. And the last one is

00:55:43--> 00:55:47

Guess what? To ensure I have a social life what will be number one in my list.

00:55:49--> 00:55:50

Have a good relationship with Allah.

00:55:53--> 00:56:02

Have a good relationship with Allah? It's an amazing when you are having a good relationship with Allah, Allah subhanaw taala control the hearts of people

00:56:03--> 00:56:04

in the law.

00:56:05--> 00:56:11

When Allah love someone, he makes his creation loves him as well. And that is

00:56:12--> 00:56:17

how he once wrote a letter. Tomorrow, maybe Sophia? She said yes.

00:56:18--> 00:56:25

And no, ma'am and I had an ad Emma de who minasi de Manila in WWE.

00:56:26--> 00:56:44

Yama, I want you to 100% to know, to know that there is no one was used to be praised by the people, then later on those people start criticizing him unless this has happened because of a sin that he committed.

00:56:46--> 00:57:42

So if you want to have a good social life, make sure that you have a good relationship with Allah. So the points pretty quickly again, one, number one, have a great relationship with Allah. Number two, have a good wordings like use good words. Number three, purify your tongue. Number four, let small things go. Number five, be patient. Number six, humility. Number seven, truthfulness. Number eight, positive attitude. Number nine, respect. Number 10. smiling. Number 11. Avoiding argument number 12 forgiveness. Number 13. focus in your own matters. Number 14, self confidence. And number 15. Realize that pleasing all people is impossible. These are 15 points. You can think of some of

00:57:42--> 00:58:10

them utilize Melis data to give you all happy life. Because we're live happiness happens is one of the ultimate goal of sherea sherea wants us to live a happy life. Islam want us to be happy people. And that's the Sharia as rules come to make us happy. So please make this as a goal for life to have a happy social life to have a happy life. Now must Allah give you the happiness in the dunya and often

00:58:12--> 00:58:12

need

00:58:13--> 00:58:19

to be a hermit. And thank you very much for listening to me for all this long lecture. Thank you very much.

00:58:24--> 00:58:34

So anyhow, a few minutes left for the shop here. So I don't think there is a time for questions. So we can either until the

00:58:37--> 00:58:39

shift can take one or two questions

00:58:41--> 00:58:43

that people get bought.

00:59:15--> 00:59:15

Shadow

00:59:25--> 00:59:25

shadow

00:59:45--> 00:59:46

Hi.

00:59:51--> 00:59:52

Hi.

00:59:58--> 00:59:58

Hi.

01:00:24--> 01:00:26

Quickly I have a couple of questions here.

01:00:27--> 01:00:39

To answer the first question says, could the shift please advise a wife struggling to raise kids up on the dean while the dad is absent?

01:00:41--> 01:00:45

slashing the losses. For the sister who's struggling with

01:00:46--> 01:00:52

raising the kids while the dad is absent. I don't know why he's absent. But

01:00:54--> 01:01:34

I want to say to the sisters, there is a headache, the Prophet sallallahu Sallam even just speaking about the widow. But I see no different unfortunately, in some cases between the widow and the case of an absence father over time, the process of them said that they a woman will be raised with the prophets, Allah, Allah, they send them to the gates of gentlemen. And the father said, Who's this woman that he was told that this is a woman who her husband passed away and left for her kids. And she spent a lie her life, looking after them looking after them. So I know, it's a big struggle. That's why you deserve that kind of reward. So never underestimate the amount of effort and struggle

01:01:34--> 01:01:54

that you have. So that's something I would like to commend you and tell you exactly, I love him. And I asked him to help. As for how to raise the kids, as you know, kids are in different ages, if you're a young teenager, you know, I don't know what age if your kids are, but I want you to

01:01:55--> 01:02:01

make sure that you when the trust, when their trust, especially if they are a little bit older.

01:02:02--> 01:02:16

Even if they are a very young age, talk to them the way you talk to adults. And this is very effective way of raising the kids. The more you treat your kids like adults, the more responsible they will be, you know, I don't want to

01:02:17--> 01:02:55

mention one specific family too many times, we want to think I like on count killing came to me, he acted like an adult and the father mutton talk, if you have the community to invite me to the master, the more you teach your kids to act like adults, the more responsible they will be, that's a very successful, very smart way of raising your kids. Very smart way of raising kids. And that's something even little ones, it speak to them, like, you know, mature, they will be mature. So this one thing, and make sure that their religion, something, they understand why they're doing this, make sure that they love it. Don't ever make the religion a form of punishment, I'm going to punish

01:02:55--> 01:03:13

you, if you don't do that. Don't make them hate them, or make them love the religion, give prizes, you know, make them feel proud of the religion, it's not about how much it's about as much rememorize or they know, it's about how much they love it, how much they practice it, make it practical, make it appear to them, you know,

01:03:15--> 01:03:16

and so forth.

01:03:17--> 01:03:21

It's very hard to speak about something very ambiguous like that. But I hope

01:03:23--> 01:03:25

you also seek help.

01:03:26--> 01:03:48

I would love to see Muslim, increasing the number of what we call support group. This is a very successful methods used in modern days around us. In the support group in so many why we don't have this a support group to single mothers, the mother was struggling with kids. Why we don't have this mess. What's the name of this monster By the way, mustard could

01:03:50--> 01:04:24

not show like so why we don't say in this. In this mustard. We have you know, the father of teenagers, they come together and discuss they talk about the struggle teenager, the mother come and talk together about it. You know, make it a concern, share the success stories, because we can come it from one another. It's either socially and or physically you guys come I mean social media virtually. Or you can even come together and talk about maybe that will be I've tried this on my own must and it's working fine. For us.

01:04:27--> 01:04:28

That's another problem. alomst

01:04:29--> 01:04:38

last question for the sheriff. How can you ask someone for forgiveness? If you are not in contact anymore or they are no longer available?

01:04:39--> 01:04:44

To forgive someone you don't need to talk to the person. How can you ask someone to forgive you maybe.

01:04:46--> 01:04:59

Okay, if you talk about you forgiving someone, you don't need to have that person in front of you. But if you're talking about I did wrong to someone, and I want to ask Him to forgive me, but now I have no contact with that person.

01:05:00--> 01:05:43

site that you make do out for that person. Make two alpha images, you can make even good deeds on his behalf. I don't make any advertising or anything like that. But I would like to have you guys, whoever use Facebook, go ahead and join my Facebook but I, I posted a story this week about this issue story of a teacher of mine and let him do this quickly. I was walking with him out of his nest, and all sudden this old car stop. Some worker came out from it from Buxton, his back styling worker, he came out and he gives it off to my shift to the teacher. So when he given set up, which he was very surprised on where you've been blah, blah. Then he said, Come tomorrow, this worker did

01:05:43--> 01:06:24

some work to the shell, half job, I think he has known as an MC or you know, know what he was picked by the immigration. Whatever happened to him, he loved the job. So after years, the chef saw him after five years, that's just fine with me. So he told me to come tomorrow to give him his money. And I never finished the job. He said yes, but you have 1500 sales I owe you I have to give it to you. You know, I thought to myself, why didn't pay him for 70 guy 15 $100. For the rails, it's like in a pocket money he has in his pocket. Especially this man is a wrench. So next time he came, he showed him the picture that he just received the sheriff, he stayed, I stayed one and a half, you're

01:06:24--> 01:06:33

looking for you everywhere your friend, I traveled to your place, I couldn't find it. So when I couldn't find you what he did, he built a mustard on his name on Paxton.

01:06:35--> 01:07:15

And he just got the pictures of Alabama just finished and this worker show up. So he showed him the mustard. And he said I couldn't find you. So I build this mustard for you, as in return for the service that you gave me I couldn't pay you because I didn't get chance to pay you. I absolutely don't know how much the mustard cost. He refused. But I get to know it's at least way more than 35,000 rails. And he given the 15 $100 you actually give him the money then he showed the mustard. So I learned from this that sometimes if you can't see the person you can pray to him in his absence makes up on his behalf. Make the other the last man to Allah and he turned that person's heart and

01:07:15--> 01:08:01

to accept you. Allah, Allah is so forgiving. So if he sees you sincere, I can't do not to put you down. It's a pleasure to see you guys shot a lot, hopefully next time when it comes to meet you. Finally, if you allowed me inshallah, in June 7, nine, June 7, nine, a very dear friend of mine will be visiting you guys here in London. And he will be talking about the description of Paradise and how fire in a course called forever. Please look at the event market calendar and join us in our class in the seventh and ninth of June inshallah fellowship in a course called forever. And this must have been a wonderful support to all of us. I thank you guys again for having me chef. And all

01:08:01--> 01:08:03

the community males, allotments are

01:08:05--> 01:08:06

one

01:08:07--> 01:08:18

kilometer long with the happiness disability. When we're done with our Nina de la Vina bluebee was the database to Minnesota he was of no young didn't attend a workshop now.

01:08:19--> 01:08:22

You have a new crop or something.

01:08:47--> 01:08:48

I remember him I got him out of law.

01:08:50--> 01:08:51

Right before he died.

01:08:53--> 01:08:54

A man came hiding his

01:08:55--> 01:08:58

cowboy, his face, sleep

01:08:59--> 01:09:01

and walk between the crowd.

01:09:03--> 01:09:22

Everybody want to look at him. And you don't know how much this man in the end of his life. Everybody just want to have Yeah, and gums. Not even Muslim, Muslim, his doctor, a Christian, Christian, he came to my priest his wishes in life to see before you die. Can you give him permission

01:09:24--> 01:09:25

that he can come

01:09:26--> 01:09:30

to that it's even that even non Muslim would love to see him Allah.

01:09:33--> 01:09:46

So this isn't, that's why imagine upon his death, how crowded The house was. And this man came in between the ground covering his face and he came next to the management suite. And he said, yeah.

01:09:48--> 01:09:53

And he covered his face. And you remember me? He said, Yes, I do.

01:09:54--> 01:09:59

He said, Would you forgive me? He says Yes, I do. that his son said Yeah.

01:10:00--> 01:10:11

How can you forgive him? Who's that man? This is the gelato. This is the soldier who used to hit him with the whip. When he was in jail.

01:10:13--> 01:10:22

This man said one line, I used to work with him and his back will lie. If I had an elephant, I would broke the elephant's back.

01:10:26--> 01:10:39

He came to me before you guys, please forgive me. He said will lie. I forgive you the same night, that day. Or the same day that day? When I went back to so I forgive him, that his son, he said, How?

01:10:40--> 01:10:49

Why did you do that? Father, then told him son, what do you say? Allah subhanaw taala said femen have a doodle.

01:10:52--> 01:11:23

Those so forgive us like even basically improve, go back to good relationship with the person. After you forgive that person. I do a lot that he word belong to a lot because the reward is so much of the only one knows how much reward you're going to get. Then is it your son? What are you talking about? Yes, I'm forgiven because of that. That's why brothers and sisters, when a lot described the believers, the mumineen how he described him, he said,

01:11:25--> 01:11:25

What's

01:11:28--> 01:11:28

wrong?

01:11:33--> 01:11:34

Oh, boy.

01:11:50--> 01:11:51

All along, we will

01:11:57--> 01:12:19

describe the believer, those who always run fast to the mercy and to the forgiveness of the road. They are marching fast agenda, a paradise bigger than the heavens in the earth. It was made for them. Who are they? Those who spend them my money for the sake of Allah in secret, and and

01:12:21--> 01:12:43

in public, in the sorry, in the time of ease and a time of hardship and those who control their anger and those who forgive others? Well, Athena is those who forgive others. A lot of you have lost love the West and the one who is good to other

01:12:45--> 01:12:46

Believe it or not,

01:12:47--> 01:12:49

believe it or not.

01:12:50--> 01:13:09

When you hold the resistant resentment toward others, and willing to forgive them, you are a bond to that same exact person that you don't like that you're angry at. You are bound to that person by emotion link is stronger than Steve.

01:13:10--> 01:13:16

Forgiveness is the only thing going to dissolve that link and set you free.

01:13:18--> 01:13:23

I just imagine if I have something in my heart against one person, that that brother.

01:13:25--> 01:13:59

That means I'm connecting myself to that person with the link, as I said, is stronger than steep. And the negative emotion in my heart because I hate it. I can't stand him. I'm angry at him. That's a negative emotion. That's right. I'm connecting myself as long as I don't forgive that person. I'm linked to that person. The moment I forgive him of that dissolve that link between me and him. That negative feelings and emotion that feeding my heart feeding my mind and draining my power makes me stressed. It will dissolve. You set yourself free.

01:14:00--> 01:14:05

Who's letting go? Who cares? It's not the end of the world.

01:14:06--> 01:14:15

That is one of the one of the best rewards of forgiveness immediately happened to you because you set yourself free.

01:14:20--> 01:14:22

You fail you live in a Yaba Rahim Allah.

01:14:24--> 01:14:33

He was told in the mustard, somebody have stolen your money. He had his money in that and it was taken stone.

01:14:34--> 01:14:36

So for one scene later on crime.

01:14:37--> 01:14:52

So so one of the people said who loves him who thought and for violent crime because he lost he lost the money. So he said the amount I can give you money if you want. He doesn't want to wait for the never cared about money.

01:14:53--> 01:14:56

Then he said I'm not crying because they lost the money.

01:14:57--> 01:14:59

Then he said so what is what

01:15:00--> 01:15:14

You will grant What was the reason why Why are you crying? He said because I thought I was thinking about I just came to my mind the day of judgment when they stand before me and that person who stole my money

01:15:16--> 01:15:21

and won or lost or that I asked him for what? Why he stolen money. How did he get that money?

01:15:23--> 01:15:28

And I put myself in his shoes. What I have no answer. No answer to offer

01:15:29--> 01:15:31

on I feel bad for him.

01:15:32--> 01:15:34

I feel bad for him. That's one crime.

01:15:36--> 01:15:44

What a heart You know, there is a great shafia scholar by the name of the man No, you're a human love Johanna. Oh no. avi.

01:15:47--> 01:15:57

Can you imagine them overnight was praying in his house. A thief jumped in his house inside they couldn't find anything except anyone no shoes.

01:15:58--> 01:16:05

You still took your shoes and left. They will know I was praying he filled the noise. And he realized that somebody

01:16:07--> 01:16:07

wasn't married.

01:16:09--> 01:16:22

He stole his basically his his shoes and left. So he opened the door He finished the Salah quickly and went after him. So the thief running and even though running after him, you know why?

01:16:24--> 01:16:33

You know, to capture him to get his shoes back. No, he was screaming at him he said he had the idea here I'll be here

01:16:36--> 01:16:39

it's a gift to you please say I accepted

01:16:43--> 01:16:44

it because the Shafilea

01:16:46--> 01:17:12

the gift is that is a form of transaction. Any transaction in business transaction that is offered an acceptance okay stealing that is no transact it's a stealing offer an acceptance you just feel so you know, we tried to transfer this action from stealing to make it as a gift. So he said it's a gift to please say I accept because if he said I accept it became a gift not anymore a stolen item

01:17:15--> 01:17:26

that these hearts a heart were six were successfully any able to deal with people because they don't want anything in the art.

01:17:27--> 01:17:31

And the best example and I kept it for the last is Mohammed Salah.

01:17:34--> 01:17:54

How many how many times we learn from his life, his ability to forgive his enemy, before forgiving his friends before forgiving his family member before forgiving your father or your sister or your cousins, or your spouse or your children

01:17:55--> 01:17:59

why this heart our heart is so solid that not willing to forgive

01:18:01--> 01:18:36

something in the deal for some reason, his his face covered with blood and in the cup Yeah, and he wanted his presence to see the blood and you know, mouth and the Mona Bo know successful ever come to a nation that they made their profit bleeds or the bleed the profit or they basically heard the profit making bleep. Then when he saw the bleeding, what the person respond was. He said, Oh Allah, forgive my own mouth. Forgive my people forgive my tribe. They don't know they are ignorant.

01:18:38--> 01:18:42

And when he conquered Mecca, he said, You're all free to go in.

01:18:44--> 01:18:55

These are not just the nicest story we entertain ourselves that these stories is meant to be a role model for us in our life if we want to achieve a good social life.

01:18:57--> 01:18:58

Number

01:19:00--> 01:19:00

11.

01:19:01--> 01:19:06

If you want to have a good social life, try to avoid arguments.

01:19:07--> 01:19:17

argumentation is a destruct it does destroy your life. destroy your social life, destroy your American relationship with your wife, destroy your friend, your friendship.

01:19:19--> 01:19:22

And last pannacotta said financial help.

01:19:30--> 01:19:59

And sort of verse 14, it was Hadassah that they neglected for Nestle. hoonah Yeah. And then talk where they said this young lady under cost. They forgot. No, no, they neglect that's the right translation, the neglect part of the book or the message was sent to them. And the last time that I said a lot make them enemy towards one another. Listen to

01:20:00--> 01:20:12

One of the great Scott among the tambourine, what he said in a comment on this verse caught him and brought him in the hierarchy ma ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, da, da da Foucault sumati

01:20:14--> 01:20:25

that Allah made them argue with each others. And because of this arguing, in arguing with each other, that would lead them to hate one another, and to fight one another.

01:20:26--> 01:20:41

Without it can then be sallallahu Sallam said, above originally the law causing the most hated men, to Allah, Allah Allah, the One who argue, and when he argue he is so aggressive in his argument.

01:20:43--> 01:20:44

So mean and his argue

01:20:46--> 01:21:08

and avoid argumentation that would lead to destruction. Because arguing, you know, it's just happened. We can't avoid it completely. But not to be a person who know that you like always to argue, in the sun brothers, even in my community, sometimes. I have some people. Yeah. Any subject, and he's willing to debate you over.

01:21:10--> 01:21:10

Give me a break, man.

01:21:13--> 01:21:47

Anything, people just want to argue over anything? for nothing, they're willing to spend 10 minutes arguing with you. And maybe some allies haven't said a lot have prepared a beautiful house on the lower level in Ghana, for those who will avoid argumentation even if they have the truth. And even if I'm right 100% correct. And I know this person argue with RA and his opinion is absolutely wrong. But I avoid it. I just leave it alone. Because I don't want to argue Allah will reward me with that house.

01:21:50--> 01:21:51

Number 10.

01:21:53--> 01:21:54

Which is interesting,

01:21:55--> 01:22:09

simple, but will assure you a very happy social life. Very simple, easy act. It's an act of charity. It's an act that Allah loves and everyone else which is smiling.

01:22:11--> 01:22:26

smiling. It is one the second best things that you can do your lips after the colon. Okay, so it is the curve that make everything straight.

01:22:29--> 01:22:40

Smiling is such a beautiful habit. Listen to what jabber said. He said never met the Prophet as an analyst. I saw him smile

01:22:43--> 01:22:46

and another comparison confess that I met the person more than 100 times

01:22:47--> 01:22:49

and every time I met him I found him smiling.

01:22:50--> 01:22:58

As he was asked about the person at home how he looked like he said he was the person who smiles and laugh the most

01:23:00--> 01:23:04

because some people might shot a lot big smile outside the house inside the house.

01:23:07--> 01:23:11

well liked a very bad habit. I don't know where we picked it up from those Muslims.

01:23:12--> 01:23:22

We think smiling is bad or smiling it makes you like less of personality. Especially you get old you don't smile we think that you know

01:23:25--> 01:23:33

that's that's nonsense. Mohammed saw someone better than you no matter who you are. and introduce yourself never left his smile until he dies.

01:23:36--> 01:23:56

I travel a lot all over the world sometimes. Sometimes when I travel I check that I go to gym will lie versus as I'm saying this and help this one change. And I say this everywhere I go I go to the gym or to give the hope of tomorrow. I can tell you 70% if it's not more in the people in domestic

01:23:58--> 01:24:01

know what I'm giving the hope about I'm just walking between

01:24:03--> 01:24:04

checking me out

01:24:06--> 01:24:27

you know I go to the airport I don't know who picking me up I be in America, you know, it's not like here is quite a difference. So one of the things sometimes you need to look carefully to find who is the Muslim you know, in the crowd. So, anyway, so so many times I recognize the brothers. I look at the people in the waiting area the people who don't smile.

01:24:31--> 01:24:32

The people like this.

01:24:34--> 01:24:37

You have this month your teeth is not our

01:24:38--> 01:24:53

show it you know some people just lost a smile. But the good news is for those who lost their smile, the good news, the good news for them is that your smile didn't go anywhere. It just right under your nose.

01:24:55--> 01:24:59

Just right there. Yes. Smile. Smiling is not going to make people around

01:25:00--> 01:25:02

Happy is gonna make you happy.

01:25:04--> 01:25:09

You know, every single study today in psychology, saying that the people's

01:25:11--> 01:25:14

physiology affect their psychology.

01:25:15--> 01:25:39

The way you put the mood you put yourself in, that's how you're gonna feel. If you smile, if you open your chest, if you basically Raise your head up, you will feel good. But if you basic plus your shoulder, you look down, you like those, you got to feel about believer, you got to have a negative feelings, and you got to feel down. So smile and shine.

01:25:40--> 01:25:47

That will ensure a very good happy life, social life for you. Number nine,

01:25:48--> 01:25:49

respect.

01:25:50--> 01:25:53

You want to have a social life, you need to know how to respect others.

01:25:54--> 01:26:00

Respect is a very easy word to sit by word, but it requires a lot of paying attention to it.

01:26:01--> 01:26:05

Respect is a missing ingredient, unfortunately, in our social life today,

01:26:06--> 01:26:13

especially with young kids with young generation. You I can't I can't imagine. You know,

01:26:15--> 01:26:33

one of the thing that really made me so impressed with Killian and he came to me the way he talks to me, because most of the kids in his age, really think that his father for that and as mother for that, but most of the kids in his age. You know what? parent parents I see this Mikey, I don't know. How about you guys?

01:26:34--> 01:26:39

Talk to the kids or mother talk to the kids. And he's like playing games. Yeah, I'm okay.

01:26:40--> 01:26:45

Where's the response? You didn't even look at your father. You don't even look at your mother.

01:26:47--> 01:27:02

You know, you talk to them. And they don't even give you they don't even have one of the thing that drove me crazy. Okay, when somebody give me Salah, yeah, I'm doing like this. And I hold his hand and said, Hey, if you want to give me so I'm gonna shake my hand. You better look to my eyes.

01:27:04--> 01:27:23

I also teach my kids this. If you give something to someone, you stop, you give Salah you look at that. Yeah, in a subtle light is that when somebody called him with the process of walking, and somebody called him he never saw some answer like this. All indicated here, he will move and he will face the person just they said yes.

01:27:27--> 01:27:29

That's a respect.

01:27:41--> 01:27:42

That's what you call respect.

01:27:44--> 01:27:58

respects it has to be with everyone, not only with the shape, sometimes I'm outside the mustard. And I have brother talking to me, someone come to me, sorry to share her. And that guy will be even not giving Sarah

01:27:59--> 01:28:31

she respects not only to the ship, to the ship, and to the person respect is not only to the elder to the older and to the children, so many other people they don't give respect to the young kids, which is absolutely not acceptable with respect to everyone respect is that is that is a manner should be carried with everyone that we deal with. We respect in Muslim and non Muslim, we're a family member another family member, we respect older Indian, but no doubt the elder deserve more respect.

01:28:33--> 01:28:36

But other respect is given to respect given to religious or non religious people

01:28:37--> 01:29:14

in which we should show that type of respect because that's part of me. Part of the respect, you know, Mark, you can be sarcastic, you don't humiliate. This is not an you can imagine all kinds of things that just goes against that concept of respect, and a loss of valid and solid rock. You can read in this surah so many aspects of respect a lot emphasis on it, don't mock one another Don't make fun of one another. And so forth. Number Let's close down quickly number seven. If you want to have a happy social life, have a positive attitude.

01:29:16--> 01:29:52

You know, there's a big difference between someone who has a negative attitude and somebody have a positive attitude. Those who are always complaining those who always criticizing those who always angry, they're also all those who always pointing the problems, those who only focus on the wrong things. Those who always talking about, you know, mincing negative words. Oh, it's not gonna happen. Oh, it's not working out. Oh, I can't do this. This negative attitude, it make your social life miserable, and make no one ever want to come closer to you.

01:29:53--> 01:29:59

Even the closest people to you, even your own family member, they don't want to talk to you more than two minutes.

01:30:00--> 01:30:14

Because this negativity in dark, it doesn't go it doesn't take you anywhere. You sit with someone, the process of the discard whether the other person said he said Whoever said all people are bad he is the worst.

01:30:16--> 01:30:19

He said mankind Hello Can Nashville.

01:30:20--> 01:30:30

He is the worst who've ever said oh people are going to be destroyed He is the one who is the most deserving to be destroyed. He is the worst among them.

01:30:32--> 01:30:33

Also, number six

01:30:35--> 01:30:40

you want to have just trying to wrap it up in five minutes. If you want to have a happy life, social life

01:30:42--> 01:30:43

truthfulness

01:30:45--> 01:30:47

it's nothing like being truthful.

01:30:48--> 01:30:52

The process of them sit in them and shovel it NASA in the law one of the worst

01:30:54--> 01:31:02

the one has two faces. He meets you know face and behind you another face and a portion some people have three faces.

01:31:16--> 01:31:33

It's so bad. This is like another big problem. And quickly you will be figured out truthfulness is one of the secret for people's love. Nasty shampoo and I love to be someone I can trust.

01:31:34--> 01:31:35

He's a truthful person

01:31:37--> 01:31:39

number five humility.

01:31:41--> 01:32:12

Humility is another reason for you to have a social life. You know people like to be around those who are humble. Those who are don't see themselves better than others. Yeah, see, nobody knows who is better than except a loss of habitat in ecological in the lions Park. And the more topo you have, the more you put yourself down. The province of Southern says in LA Oh Ha, LA and Toronto had left.

01:32:14--> 01:32:26

In St. Muslim, the process willemsen Allah has revealed to me that we should be have humility towards one another. We should not feel any better.

01:32:27--> 01:32:30

You should not feel you're better than your brother.

01:32:32--> 01:33:00

Anyone. He's had a lot. They've been modeled a lot under companions. He was seen eating with people very poor. Very poor. Okay. And one of the people told them told them why it was such people like the smell bad, very bad, very feel to them, you know of some diseases, that it almost said what a lot of you didn't know, maybe this man in the day of judgment will be one of the kings of the

01:33:01--> 01:33:04

power line. medical miracle Otto.

01:33:05--> 01:33:11

Maybe this will be king. I'll tell you my own story. I was in middle school.

01:33:12--> 01:33:22

Okay, this is the end of my years in middle school, which is basically we have six years elementary than three years of middle school. I was a third year,

01:33:23--> 01:33:24

ninth grade.

01:33:25--> 01:33:51

And this is my first time to meet someone. I heard a lot about him. I've heard a lot about his knowledge and and a lot about him. He is the Grand Mufti of the country that I living in, which is Saudi Arabia at that time. His name is Shahab diarization, Abdullah, Ambassador, I'm known as the Father. And what this is, I'm a kid, you know, in ninth grade, and now going to see this grandma.

01:33:53--> 01:33:57

This is my first counter German boss in his house.

01:33:58--> 01:34:37

He was not impressed. I'll tell you what's really stuck in my head until this moment, not the amount of knowledge and the factors and the Hadeeth and the coating that he did not know what stuck my head this handler also appreciate but would stick to my head and made me feel and fall in love. Social, the social aspect, fall in love with this man, that moment until today is what happened next. The food comes his lunch. Then he invited everybody to lunch. I was able to sit with him so many people, you know and I came on he basically run

01:34:38--> 01:34:46

almost like running to ensure a spot on the on the floor. There is a big huge, you know, plate and people around him.

01:34:47--> 01:34:54

A kids in ninth grade state sitting in the same table or the same city with the Grand Mufti

01:34:55--> 01:34:59

that's in itself something. What what are the molars, my witness that

01:35:00--> 01:35:08

was next to me is a person with his you know, overall the the clothes, the one who cleaned the streets outside

01:35:10--> 01:35:14

the guy who cleaned the streets they have very distinguished orange

01:35:15--> 01:36:01

dress was next to me and distinctive we'll all have in our hands and the rice and the meat to eat to them. And with us a person I don't know who that was a kid I don't know. But I know because they sent me here so he's a person from royal family. He had a gift to us and Minister of our path from one country. He has two dignitaries from African countries as well and even with them there is a police and I don't know who they are i was a kid i don't even today though they are. And the rest are shoe hunts of knowledge. But for me to be able to sit a kid and and the people on that level all of us sitting together like that. It was a shock. You know what catch my heart is that humility that

01:36:01--> 01:36:30

the lava and shabads Rahim Allah was told so many times by people Seamus 30 years he never had lunch with his family. 30 years he never had a single day lunch with his family said always with the public. They told him chef sometimes these people come from the street and they smell bad. He said whoever like it, come to my lunch, you'd like it. Ethan come meet me after that. I don't ever tell anyone to I don't pick my my guests. My door is open for everybody.

01:36:32--> 01:36:37

This is a hobby social life that's making love when you are a person of humility.

01:36:38--> 01:36:44

Number four, being patient because people are hard to deal with.

01:36:45--> 01:36:50

It's not easy to deal with you. That's why the process of INSEAD and the new hotness westvaal Adele credibility,

01:36:51--> 01:37:00

what as the person who mix with people and is patient with them better than the person who avoid them completely. So you have to be patient with people.

01:37:02--> 01:37:07

Allah subhanaw taala said was masaba Be patient. Number three,

01:37:08--> 01:37:12

which is very interesting point to keep in mind. Let small things go.

01:37:14--> 01:37:19

You know what, this is not the forgiveness. No, no. I mean, have the attitude of

01:37:20--> 01:37:21

give this a shot.

01:37:23--> 01:37:35

Yeah, 90% of your success with people that you let small things go, don't pick on people. Don't be like, you know, the other that company goes and pick every single thing in your

01:37:36--> 01:37:55

numbers. When you have an audited by the government or something. You know, just let things go. And this is very good, especially dealing with relatives. You know, just let small things go. Don't be judgmental, and think of yourself responsible for other people's action and everything happened you have to comment on

01:37:58--> 01:37:58

to

01:37:59--> 01:38:01

purify your tongue.

01:38:02--> 01:38:05

You want to have savvy social life, make this tongue pure.

01:38:07--> 01:38:21

bad words curse. You know, all these, you know, initiative words that are presented bad words. Don't have it in your tongue. And then it's assigned to Melissa.

01:38:23--> 01:38:31

At the moment, a person who don't curse a moment is a person who don't say bad words. Now you have Bulava.

01:38:32--> 01:38:38

immunotoxin. Allah hates to hear you see bad words. Replace it with good words.

01:38:40--> 01:38:57

Which is the next one, replaced with good word. Instances alphabetic fee can be a handicap to be make up for the people that will make a short a happy life for you a happy social life for you which is choosing good words. And the last one is

01:39:00--> 01:39:04

Guess what? To ensure I have a social life what will be number one in my list.

01:39:06--> 01:39:07

Have a good relationship with Allah.

01:39:10--> 01:39:19

Have a good relationship with Allah? It's an amazing when you are having a good relationship with Allah. Allah subhanaw taala control the hearts of people.

01:39:20--> 01:39:21

Even the law

01:39:22--> 01:39:28

when Allah love someone, he makes his creation loves him as well. And that is

01:39:29--> 01:39:42

how he once wrote a letter. Tomorrow, maybe Sophia? She said yeah, Mahalia No, ma'am, and I had an ad Mr. De to whom in a nasty de Manila in WWE.

01:39:43--> 01:40:00

Yama, I want you to 100% to know, to know that there is no one was used to be praised by the people. Then later on those people start criticizing him. Unless this has happened because of a sin that

01:40:00--> 01:40:01

T committed.

01:40:03--> 01:40:59

So if you want to have good social life, make sure that you have a good relationship with Allah. So, the points pretty quickly again, one, number one, have a great relationship with Allah. Number two have a good wordings, like use good words. Number three, purify your tongue. Number four, let small things go. Number five, be patient. Number six, humility. Number seven, truthfulness. Number eight, positive attitude. Number nine, respect number 10. smiling. Number 11. Avoiding argument number 12, forgiveness, number 13. focus in your own matters. Number 14, self confidence. And number 15. Realize that pleasing all people is impossible. These are 15 points, you can think of some of them

01:40:59--> 01:41:26

utilize mailscanner data to give you all happy life. Because well life happiness, happiness is one of the ultimate goal of sherea sherea want us to live a happy life. Islam wants us to be happy people. And that's the Sharia as rules come to make us happy. So please make this as a goal of your life to have a happy social life to have a happy life. May Allah give you the happiness in the dunya and akhira.

01:41:31--> 01:41:36

Ahmed, thank you very much for listening to me for all this long lecture. Thank you very much.

01:41:41--> 01:41:49

So anyhow, a few minutes left for the shop. So I think I think there is a time for questions. So we

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can take one or two questions

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that are hot when people get bought.

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Hi.

01:43:08--> 01:43:09

Hi.

01:43:15--> 01:43:15

Hi.

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We have a couple of questions here.

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To answer the first question says, could the shift please advise a wife struggling to raise kids up on the dean while the dad is absent?

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slashing the losses and therefore the sister who is struggling with

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raising the kids while the dad is absent. I don't know why he's absent. But

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I want to say to the sister there is a hadith the Prophet sallallahu Sallam even does speak about the widow. But I see no different unfortunately, in some cases between the widow and the case of an absence father over time, the process Salim said that they a woman will be raising with the prophets of Allah, they send them to the gates of gender. And the father said, Who's this woman that he was told that this is a woman who her husband passed away and left for her kids. And she spent a lie her life, looking after them looking after them. So I know it's a big struggle. That's why you deserve that kind of reward. So we'll never underestimate the amount of effort and struggle that you have.

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So that's something I would like to commend and tell you exactly. I love him and I asked him to help ask for it.

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How to raise the kids. As you know, kids are on different ages, if you're a young teenager of your, you know, I don't know what the age of your kids are. But I want you to

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make sure that you win the trust, when they're trust, especially if they are a little bit older.

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Even if they are a very young age, talk to them the way you talk to adults, and this is very effective way of raising the kids. The more you treat your kids like adults, the more responsible they will be, you know, I don't want to

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mention one specific family too many times. One of the thing I like when king, king came to me, he acted like an adult and the father mutton talk, if you help the community to invite me to the master, the more you teach your kids to act like adults, the more responsible they will be, that's a very successful, very smart way of raising your kids. Very smart way of raising kids. And that's something even little ones, speak to them, like, you know, mature, they will be mature. So this one thing, and make sure that their religion, something, they understand why they're doing this, make sure that they love it. Don't ever make the religion a form of punishment, I'm going to punish you,

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if you don't do that. Don't make them hate, it'll make them love the religion, give prizes, you know, make them feel proud of the religion. It's not about how much it's about as much rememorize or they know, it's about how much they love it, how much they practice, make it practical, make it appear to them, you know,

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and so forth.

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It's very hard to speak about something very big like that. But I hope Mashallah

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you also seek help.

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I would love to see Muslim, increasing the number of what we call support group. This is a very successful methods used in modern days around us. In the support group in so many why we don't have this a support group to single mothers who are struggling with kids. Why we don't have this mass. What's the name of this Mr. By the way, Mr. Khurana

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Mashallah, right. So why we don't say in this, this semester, we have, you know, the father of teenagers come together and they discuss, they talk about the struggle teenager, the mother come and talk together about it, you know, make it a concern, share the success stories, because we can compete with one another. It's either socially and or, physically you guys come? I mean, social media virtually. Or you can even come together and talk about it. Maybe that's will be I've tried this on my own, and it's working fine. For us.

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That's another problem.

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The last question for the sheriff. How can you ask someone for forgiveness? If you are not a contact anymore? Or they are no longer available? it to forgive someone you didn't need to talk to the person? How can you ask someone to forgive you maybe.

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Okay, if you talk about you forgiving someone, you don't need to have that person in front of you. But if you're talking about I did the wrong to someone, and I want to ask Him to forgive me. But now I have no contact with that person. I will say that you make the out for that person. Make the alpha image you can make even good deeds on his behalf. I don't make any advertising or anything like that. But I would like to have you guys, whoever to use Facebook, go ahead and join my Facebook but I I posted a story this week about this issue story of a teacher of mine and let him do this quickly. I was walking with him out of his master and also in this old car stop. Some worker came

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out from it from Buxton, his back styling worker, he cannot and he gives them to my shift to the teacher. So we give him Salaam which was very surprised on where you been blah, blah. Then he said come tomorrow. This worker did some work to the shell half job, I think he has known as an MC or you know know what he was picked by the immigration, whatever it happened and he loved the job. So after years, the chef's arm after five years, this just sold with me. So he told me to come tomorrow to give him his money and I never finished the job. He said yes. But you have 1500 sales I owe you I have to give it to you. You know, I thought to myself, why didn't

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he go 15 $100 for the rails. It's like, you know pocket money he has in his pocket. Especially this man is a wrench. So next time he came, he showed him the picture that he just received the sheriff he stayed I stayed one and a half years looking for you everywhere your friend I traveled to your place. I couldn't find it. So when I couldn't find you what he did, he built a mustard on his name on Paxton

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and he just got the pictures of Allah the message just finished and this worker show up. So he showed him the mustard.

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He said, I couldn't find you. So I build this mustard for you, as in return for the service that you gave me out, I couldn't pay you because I didn't get chance to pay you. And I absolutely don't know how much the mustard cost here feels but I get to announce at least way more than 35,000 rails. And he given the 1500 of you actually give him the money then he show up domestic. So I learned from this that sometimes if you can't see the person you can pray to him in his absence, mix it up on his behalf, make the other the last man to Allah and turn that person's heart to and to accept you. Allah spirit Allah is so forgiving. So if he sees you sincere, I can't do not to put you down. It's

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a pleasure to see you guys. inshallah, hopefully next time when I come to meet you, and finally if you allowed me inshallah, in June 7 and nine, June 7, and ninth a very dear friend of mine will be visiting you guys here in London. And he will be talking about the description of Paradise and how fire in a course called forever. Please look at the event market calendar and join us in a modern Shaolin class on the seventh and ninth of June inshallah fellowship in a Costco forever, this must have been a wonderful support to all of us. I thank you guys again for having me chef and all the community males my alignments are

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long, a kilometer long but there have been a few stability when we're done with our Nina Allah de Lama live in Abu Dhabi was the database which I know

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up Noah yonder, not in the workshop. Now on the side of Kenya you have a you know, dirty crop or something.