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Domestic Abuse

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Waleed Basyouni

Channel: Waleed Basyouni

Episode Notes


Episode Transcript

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Elahi long

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as head on bla bla

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long

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as had one more one Adam Ross Oh long

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s had one mo hum mme rasuna ma

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yialos Wala?

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Hayato suona

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Hi y'all AlFalah

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Aiyana Vela fella

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a long,

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long walk Bowtell

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Lola Isla he long long

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Alhamdulillah Alhamdulillah wa Salatu was Salam ala Rasulillah who Allah Allah He was so happy women who Allah Who bad, all praise due to Allah and His praise and blessings and peace be upon our Prophet Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, his family, his companions and his followers until the day of judgment. I bear witness that Allah is the only one worthy of worship and Muhammad Sallallahu Sallam his last and final messenger. My dear brothers and sisters

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one of the companions of the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam is named lucky it's been Sabra came to the Prophet SAW synonymous and said yeah Rasul Allah in the Limra attend fee descending actually and yeah and even Alba. He said my wife, she is when she talks she might be abusive, she might use bad words she will use Paul's languages

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or language. Then in OB saw some of them said, But let her leave her divorce her. If she is like, you know, saying bad things to you and treating you bad. You leave her. Then he said Yeah, Rasul Allah, Allah can and even Hassan Willie lemon Howard jasola We've been living together for a while, you know, she's like, as we say, Oh my God, and he she is the you know, my wife, the mother of my children, we have children together. Then in the business of them said, so keep reminding her and advising her not to use such language in your coffee hire for Stefan

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Shala she will change you know, she will be good. But don't ever hit her or beat. Kinda wanna throw

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in as long as you're going to live with them because she's not going to change overnight. But don't ever or don't hit her or beat her. In the Bissell Allah Allah wa salam once said, en la pafa be early Muhammad Nisa on Cathy. Your schooner as Raja Hoon Lacierda it can be theory can come came to my family today so many woman complaining about their husbands. How the treating them this is not the good among you. Who their woman are complaining about them that the abusing them in Nabi sallallahu alayhi wa sallam right before he died, while his deathbed SallAllahu wasallam. Among the last thing that he said, Tanya Yohannes it took Allah have an ISA it Allah have a nice out, we'll

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see you can be nice if he said Sal, Allahu Allahu alayhi wa sallam, I remind you of the right of woman, of your woman of your wives. He said Salah Salem, I advise you, I encourage you to treat them with kindness. shall they allow and has said, now a lot of Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, Shea and capa Via de la Mora earthenware hajima she said the Prophet Muhammad SAW Allah said have never hit anyone with his hand.

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A woman or a servant,

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and in the Bissell Allahu Allahu alayhi wa sallam said,

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can it Allah have any Safa in a coma have to move on maybe mn Illa he said have fear Allah subhana wa Tada as this woman became with you and lawful for you to intimate with to live with to have her with your and to live together by the word of Allah. And he said, don't beat your wife all day. Then in the night you want to sleep with her.

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Lied to I had to come in Murata who gel Dell abd film Economou Daijiro aka late

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another way where it doesn't work you abused her during the daytime and in the night now you're all nice and you want to intimate with her.

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Also sort of allow it to sell them said layer for a minimum Mina in Carrie Homina Whoa, look at all the I mean, ha ha. Don't hate your spouse. If you don't like something in your spouse, you will find something else that you might like. And another word, no one is perfect. Reported by the Muslim Rahim Allah Who done all this are representations and echoing what Allah says in the Quran. I mean, Ayat II and Calacatta comin unphysical as Virgil latexco Ilya wotja Anabaena Kumala that Awara have made for you from your own self, a spouse's, that you might dwell with them in peace and tranquility, with love and mercy. And that's the key point that to know what the what Rama the love

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and the mercy

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the compassionate that it should be between spouses. He said Subhana Allah the Almighty Allah says well as you will who never been maruf let or deal live with them and goodness and the word goodness is a very general word you know, how would you say that this is good according to what came and the teaching of Mohammed masala as well as what commonly known to be good commonly known to be good in society. So all of us because in Islam care so much about the family and by the way these rules Yes, were were said in regard to the wife but also applied to husband

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to apply to husband and I guess we're living in a time where we need to state that to where also wife should be nice and kind and you know, to her husband so it go both ways. That's why Allah subhanaw taala said what a Hoonah Mithra Ludhiana when it's basically everybody everyone have rights and responsibilities towards one another. And Islam cares so much about family because it see big slam sees family as the cornerstone of the society and it's so important for that cornerstone to be strong for these foundations to be solid. Yeah, when Medina Amman over to Baton Korea to him be man, I'll have dinner be him the reata home Allah Tina hoomin Amelie Himanshi coulomb, Reema cassava

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Rahim that Allah subhanaw taala telling us that this time between family members will not even end by the end of your life, it will continue after your death. That's why Allah subhanaw taala says I'm promise that the family will be gathered together as a family again, in paradise. To the extent that if the son or the wife or the husband happened to be in a higher place in paradise, they will intercede and they will elevate their family members to their level. So that tie is so strong. And since we this the month of October is the month of that, you know that domestic violence, I thought it would be a good to remind myself and my community about this topic. You know, usually we have a

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one day to remind us of something. Now we have a whole month. It is because it's a big problem. Yes, it does. You know, domestic violence is a serious problem that we face as not only as a society as a community, community, society and globally. You know, globally, more than 30% 35% of women in the world have experienced domestic violence. That's a huge, you know, number. And since the pandemic happened, and the lockdown during the pandemic, things didn't go down or get any better.

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As a matter of fact, we have an increase globally as about 8.1%, on the cases of domestic violence, and that's, you know, in the US and in the very similar rate to globally. And that's make us no more even keen to address this issue, as this pandemic and spending more time together have unfortunately, not necessarily brought many people closer to each other, as much as it's exposed. Some of the differences and the lack of, you know, dealing with these differences. On an average, nearly 20 people per minute, are physically abused by their partner in the US.

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You know, if you calculate that, that means more than 10 million woman and men abused yearly,

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one in five women and one in seven men have been victims of several have severe

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of severe physical violence by their partner. And you know, in the US, in a typical day, the helpline received more than 20,000 call about domestic violence.

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And if there is

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a gun in the home,

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the domestic violence situation increases the risk of homicide by 500%.

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Especially for us loves in Texas, and gun atone are very common.

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You know, violence counts for 15% of violent crimes in the US.

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And it's interesting to know, I always thought that the most vulnerable woman to domestic violence, you know, what age group, it was surprised for me to know that the age of 18, and 24 are most commonly abused by their partner, while 25 to 34 are the most vulnerable ones.

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So even as young as your daughter who's just got married, can be living in in a domestic abuse situation. While you're not aware of that, domestic vect victim victimization is correlated with a higher rate of depression, and suicide, suicidal behavior.

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You know, one in every 15 children are exposed to partner violence each year. And 90% of these children are eyewitnesses to this violence. That's so scary, because that means a cycle of doom in our society.

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You know, Texas is not very good. And this Munar issue, we ranked number eight statewide between the United States number eight and domestic violence in the US.

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And, you know, I bet you're young, I don't have very, maybe in 2015 and 16, but I don't know even today, could an update that, look what we rank, you know, nationwide.

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But in 2018, there were about over 200,000 cases 71% of family violence were female, while 28% of them were male. And there is an interesting things about perceptions. Okay. When you think of domestic violence, what would you think? What would the picture that come to your mind 39% Of all family violence victims were Hispanic was 68% point five were white. 28% point nine word black.

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Which is also an interesting observation. 174 women were killed

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in 2020 in Texas,

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and Houston going even more micro related to us. In Houston in 2020. Woman center emergency hotline received more than 3000 calls in just the month of April.

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And, you know,

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the number of fatalities are increased. It's 35 people killed in 2020 versus 19.

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That's just, you know, 35 people killed out of 63 in Texas.

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That's very high number.

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Harris County combined number of domestic

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violence cases, you know, surplus 20,000 cases.

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And don't ever think that our community or our society are

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far from this, unfortunately not.

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And I want to end before I make my final points in this talk. And this reminder today, I just want to make sure that we know that domestic violence is, comes in many different forms. You know, it comes one in the form, which is the most obvious one, the physical abuse. And this typically involves, you know, hitting or threatening to hurt someone, you know, can rank from pushing and punching somebody in slapping someone, you know, and all the way to killing a person.

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Also, it can be as clear as with violence, physical abuse, it's also can come in the form of verbal abuse, and salting.

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Also, there is an emotional abuse. And some people think of abuse only as physical. But also, emotional abuse is pretty dangerous. belittling another person, damaging their self esteem,

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or sense of worth, almost putting him down or putting her down. That's an emotional abuse. Unfortunately, it's also common, when somebody always make fun of somebody.

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You know,

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and that can happen sometimes alone, whether you're home or in front of people in front of her kids in front of his kids in front of their friends or family members.

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Constantly, you know, criticizing someone's efforts, calling names, cursing at someone, or purposefully, trying to turn someone's family, friends and children against them at an emotional abuse.

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There is also an economic abuse, and economic abuse comes in the form of being so stingy, holding back.

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I will never forget a sister that I know her husband, who owns a car business, a car business,

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writing a car that's broken down

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bad. And he said you your husband has a car business.

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Just to be sure, I paid for this car.

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A broken car that you see I paid for.

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You know, taking his money, her money.

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Without any concentration of a permission. You know, my money is your money and your money is my money. And the end of the day goes only to you.

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That's not right. Not giving the model that you promise your your spouse.

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You know, when you know that there is a need of help, financial help, and you said no, you can't work.

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Just stay like that. And you know that this is a big problem financially in the house. And you know, what's the most abusable way I've seen when it comes to money

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when it comes to divorce, as even though, you know, I'm divorced, there's so much abuse, where she goes after his money, he goes after her money, and all this kind of stories that is just so sad.

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So sad. When you see a man just going after her wealth, and she goes after his wealth, and while you know in Islam that is not allowed for them to touch that money.

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Also, it doesn't mean that you divorce her and you throw her, you know, you give her $3,000 He said Islam doesn't say that. There's somebody Tony Shahan Islam has I gave her three months and that's a no it's not, don't make things up.

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Ask and that's not the time to go into detail. But absolutely that's not the case.

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Also there is psychological abuse. And that's the topic of domestic abuse involves trying to control someone by using means of fear intimidations threats, you know, involved in so isolating the person, you're not allowed to contact your family cut him off or cut her off from all her friends and so forth. You know, sometimes I found something very interesting that it was identified as form of psychological abuse. And recently I come to deal with something like that, which is a threatening self harm you

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No, I'm going to kill myself, I'm going to do this to myself. So what do you have to do?

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And I will all die out, then you have to agree, you have to submit or harming the kids.

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You know, this will happen to them, all these kinds of threats, it's a psychological abuse to your spouse.

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And there's a lot of manifestation of this you can think of, but I want us to have this broad horizon when it comes to that, and people unfortunately, didn't even notice that they are abusers. Also, there is a sexual abuse, when you force your partner to assess a sexual relationship, or your response to sexual relationship that is harmful, that is not wanted.

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That's It is haram

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or preventing yourself from her or her? Mother, it goes both ways.

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saying no, you know, and for the purpose of harming or punishing goes both ways.

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I understand understanding these constants will make us more aware of the domestic abuse.

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Just remember, it's never justified. And it's never the victims fault.

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And it can happen to anyone, Muslim, non Muslims, rich, educated, I have seen people who are, you know, top of their careers top of their degrees, and they are abuser and all kinds of this abuse.

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They do. Men, women, young, old,

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doesn't matter.

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Have children no children.

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Keep in mind that all victims of domestic violence are overwhelming female men can be also victims of domestic violence.

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I hope that we revival this good reminder to rival the love the peaceful way of communicating with each other, talking to each others, listening to one another. loving one another and forgiving one another man lost power to Allah bring love and peace to our homes. May Allah Spano Tata benefit from what we say in here are Salam bajada Mohammed Abu Musa Mustapha Allah and

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people talk about why there is a domestic violence after him the LAOs also law

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whatever it is, the cycle of doom people have had bad experience. But I want to tell you, if you had, if you raised up in a family that experienced domestic violence, you didn't need to repeat that to stop the cycle. Let it stop at you.

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too. Sometimes people are unstable psychologically. You know, that's good. If you're going through depression, if you go into anxiety, if you so you know, stressed out in your life, maybe you need to deal with that. One of the reason for domestic violence as well I found is you know, addictions, to drugs to alcohol.

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Also one of the thing is

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reason for domestic violence to take place when there is cheating when they cheat on one another.

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Also, at the IRS people by nature are very aggressive have anger problems.

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And they found Muslim woman can face domestic violence even more than average woman. And there's even studies were made about that. One of the reason because a lot of still a lot of Muslim woman's are immigrants, they don't have a status. So they are worried about what will happen to them if they say no, if they ask for divorce. Also culture wise.

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You knew I remember a father told me I have no daughters who get divorce. I said what that means he said, either she'd come back to me in each hour rather to come back to me dead then come back to me as a divorce woman.

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That's kind of mentality is just retarded.

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And it's absolutely haram.

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Sometimes I found religion can be used as a justification for abuse.

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I'm not responsible to give her money. No, you are actually

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I'm not she has to take my permission before she leaves the house. Yeah, but not everything. There is a lot of misunderstanding about that. A common practice thing you do need a permission this

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need your permission to go to the market to the mall to the school to her daily work? She doesn't have to some people think that just one person told me, I give my woman absolute freedom.

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You know, she called me and she told me Can I go to the grocery stores of the mall? I said yes. So I never abused her.

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I mean, just thinking that this is how it does. And that's how the control is.

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That just wrong understanding of the concept of, of permission.

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It's like this brother who told, you know, and I give all my kids the freedom to choose their career. I said, excellent. So he's an all my kids, you know, our doctors, they can choose whatever kind of doctors they want to be.

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But have to be a doctors, they have the freedom to choose in that circle. What kind of Yeah, that's not a freedom. Sometimes using the religion, you know, and justifying like even fabricated narrations, and weak narrations that the prophets of salaam didn't say, or using some Hadith, which is authentic, but in a wrong way to abuse to control.

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Justification this assume being jealous.

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I found also a lot of Muslim and can be abused because of the barrier of language. So she's worried if she got divorced, what you'll do, she doesn't have family, sometimes also community and religious. Unfortunately, I can say that as an imam. All what we know, oh go back, things will change, things will change, things will be better. No.

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If there is an abuse of physical abuse, it's not your call to make that those people got killed, physically harm a damage that will never be she will never be recovered from her or her children for years. I'm pleased

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when we have a cases like this one thing that I want to end my talk with today is make sure that if there especially physical abuse, and there is guns in the house, make sure that you have an evacuation plan. Make sure you talk to someone about that. There is in Houston we have all nationwide we have the hotline you can call anytime you will get help.

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There's many organization locally among our community, they hope woman or abuse

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and and the society at large as well. There are 13 organizations in Houston.

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You know, and shelters. And I can tell you our mustard will be 100% committed a shout out to help anyone who has an abuse situation.

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Please, when you have a situation like this, don't say it's gonna change. And you just continue in that

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don't have that despair from Allah's mercy. That's not a call for everybody to because of any kind of conflict, no, hey, let's get divorced. That's not the point.

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No,

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but make sure that you go to professional seek professional help.

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Family and community should show support to victims.

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And that support is according to the needs of the person. I asked Allah subhanaw taala to, there's much to be said and I have a longer lecture about this online, you can listen to it as well. But I hope that would be a good reminder for all of us about this topic. And this subject and you know, it's a sensitive but unfortunately it is a very, very real and a lot of people are suffering from it silently. So I hope my voice today reach out to those who are living in such situation, to show that there is a lot of people care and willing and therefore you to support you. We ask Allah by His names and attributes to bring mercy and tranquility and peace to all homes and to bless us and to

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bless all the families and to plus our children. Plus our spouses We ask Allah subhanaw taala to shower us with His mercy and to bless our city and our country we ask Allah subhana wa Tada to bring peace to the whole world. And I ask Allah by His names and attributes to forgive our parents, the living and the dead and to forgive all the believing men and woman alarm over to me you know, and me not him in our life. You know, I don't know how Elena will slowly Lomasa lemon and Ebina Mohammed or Komodo