Minute with a Muslim #200 – Don’t Drive Your Children Away

Tom Facchine

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Channel: Tom Facchine

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AI: Summary © The speakers discuss the negative impact of parents' actions on children, including their children not being aware of their own mistakes and causing harm. They also touch upon the importance of parenting and advising children to avoid mistakes and avoid laughing. The speakers emphasize the need for parents to act like policymakers and not just focus on blame and guilt.
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One of the problems we have in the Muslim community is that a lot of parents when their children make a mistake, and we're talking about older children, teenagers and things like that, or even adults that they leave it at shame and guilt, right? They are they kind of play policemen. And they kind of just like, Yeah, this was wrong, and how could you do this, and it's ruining your reputation. And this is, you know, like, maybe they'll maybe they'll talk about punishment in the afterlife of this sort of thing. But they don't buddy up with their children, and they don't kind of, you know, provide a way forward or a path forward, how are you going to live? How are you going

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to take this and become better? How are you going to take this and become wiser? What's the lesson that you've learned from this? And how do we work together, you know, as a parent, child duo in order to kind of like go through life, and we learn from this and we we come out better? You know, because that's the whole purpose of human life. And we've said this in other videos, you know, people were created by Allah azza wa jal, to make mistakes and to repent, right. And sometimes, as parents, we get so obsessed with just, you know, drilling it into people's heads, or especially of our kids, the mistake, a mistake, the mistake, the mistake, and we don't fit focus on the

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repentance, and what does that look like? And what does life after repentance look like? How's it going to be different? What are the mechanisms that you're going to take in order to ensure that it's going to be different? How are you going to advise other people that are in a similar situation as you and one of the consequences of this when parents don't do this is that we drive our children into the hands of their peers. And we already have a problem with that in American society, or in you know, North American society, where it's a very peer oriented culture, people or young people are way more likely to go to their peers for advice than their parents. And when we as parents kind

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of inhabit this role as the policeman and only are focusing on the blame and the guilt and the and the mistake aspect of it, then we push them away from ever wanting to come to us for advice in the first place. Right. And obviously, the advice that you're going to get from your parents, usually nine times out of 10 is going to be better than the advice that you're going to get from your peers.