Love #13 – Can I ask my wife to contribute to the finances

salat wa salam ala Rasulillah. So the next question is, can he request her to, to, to contribute towards the house. And, again, when it comes to marriage in Sharla, maybe next time we'll go through a marriage contract, maybe look at it in a bit more detail. What kinds of things can a person ask for in a marriage contract etc. Generally speaking, of course, the Islamic

require requirement or the Islamic guidelines are that

the husband is responsible for financially providing,

right, the husband is responsible for financially providing the financial aspect is squarely on the shoulders of men.

Now, that's, that should be the norm. That's something that Islam encourages, and I don't think we want to lose that, as a community, we don't want to lose that. Because

when that is lost, I think it upsets the equilibrium in society,

in the family, and then in society,

you know,

so we want men to feel that responsibility, and Islam puts that responsibility on men, and anyone who's had a baby knows why that's important. You know, when you have a baby,

you are suddenly very, very, first of all, you've been through something that's very physically demanding.

You need someone to look after you as a woman, you know.

And so

and then, you know, once you have the baby, you're breastfeeding, usually, right? You want to breastfeed, we want to encourage that.

And again, that's a very physically demanding, and emotionally demanding task. And so you can see why Allah subhanaw taala put the responsibility for providing on the shoulders of the men, because the woman is already doing

a mammoth task, you know, you have to kind of appreciate that.

So, like, I've heard shoe being asked this question my own one of my own shoe, he,

my share, he said, he really discourages brothers from putting financial responsibility onto their wives.

Because he

says that it upsets the

the dynamic in the marriage, or it can upset the dynamic in the marriage, okay? Now, obviously, there are situations where a woman earns money, right? Or they want a better quality of life or whatever, right? In terms of financially, and maybe she's got a time and she's free and whatever. And so, they come to an agreement and say, Yeah, you know, I'd like to contribute, I want to live in a bigger house, I'd like to contribute.

So that we can do that. Blah, blah, blah, that's fine. You know, if you can negotiate it, fine. You can negotiate, and you can both agree on something, then that's fine. However, I would discourage brothers from making that the norm from the beginning of marriage.

If she wants to contribute fine, financially, this is,

but if not, then I wouldn't. Islam doesn't require her to financially contribute.

Right.

I've met sisters, unfortunately, in some cultures, like, when I went to Malaysia, for example,

some sisters were complaining and they were saying that, unfortunately, some of the culture has changed so much that

families and husbands now expect

the bride to work, and to bring in money to the family. And she said she just had a baby. I remember one sister said to me, in particular, she just had a baby. And her husband's family and her husband, were telling her

just leave the baby with us, you know, with the grandparents and go back to work.

Because, you know, it's, you're an educated woman. And we need it will be good for us to have the money they don't need the money is will just be good. And she was literally saying to me, I really don't want to I want to be with my baby. The baby is his little, you know? And

subhanAllah I was thinking so Hello, what's happened? What's happened to the, to the Muslim community that we don't see that a child

Being with their mother

has immense value that, you know, you can't, you can't count the value of that,

you know, the investment that the mother is putting into that baby, emotionally, the connection, the physical contact, the breastfeeding, all of that, you can't replace that with just anybody.

And unfortunately, the culture, but she was telling me that the culture has become like that, now that, you know, men are starting to expect women to provide.

And, you know, to be very brutal about it, I heard my share one say to the brothers, you know,

be a man and provide, you know, you should be embarrassed to kind of ask your wife, unless you've got like some kind of, you know, I don't know, some issue in your in not being able to work. Right? Obviously, people fall on hard times and stuff happens, right? I'm not talking about the exceptions here. I'm talking about what should be the norm. Okay, talking about what should be the norm, what is what what should be be encouraging in society? Yes, there are anomalies, yes, you know, I, I, if I earn money, I contribute to things right. I like my kids to have certain things that my husband doesn't want them to have, or that he doesn't think, is that important, but I like I like to see my

kids having certain things. So I'll get them those things. Right. That's fine. You know, what I'm saying is, do we want to a culture that expects the women to financially provide? No, we don't want that, because that is not that. That is not what Islam encourages.

And what that will do is, as I said, it will upset the balance in the family. I think the brother also said, What about contributing towards household chores and things? Obviously, like, if you're living in a house, you should everyone should contribute, right? You need again, that needs to be negotiated. Right? There needs to be a negotiation there. And even with the financial contribution, it is allowed, obviously, it's allowed to, to negotiate if it's necessary, but what I'm saying is,

I would highly discourage a groom from requesting that his bride financially contribute towards

living because the whole point of one of the aspects of marriage is nataka that the the husband provides enough apart the living expenses right