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The Muslim Family #07 – What Some Women Say About Their Husbands P2
Channel: Tim Humble
Series: Tim Humble - The Muslim Family
File Size: 25.22MB
Episode Transcript ©
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Alhamdulillah Europeana alameen wa Salatu was Salam ala rasulillah Nabina Muhammad wa ala alihi wa sahbihi wa salam or Aleikum, wa Rahmatullahi wa barakaatuh.
We begin with the praise of Allah by asking Allah to exalt the mention of grand peace to our messenger Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa sallam to his family and his companions.
Were still talking about the characteristics of the Ideal Husband. And we said that we can take some of these characteristics from the Hadees of samsara. In the previous episode of the previous lesson, we had gone through five of the 11 women who had promised each other and had agreed with each other that they wouldn't conceal anything from what their husbands did. If you haven't seen the previous lesson or previous episode, I would recommend that you stop this video, go back and watch it now inshallah simply so that you don't feel lost in the middle of the discussion, because this is a continuation of what we said. We reached what the sixth woman said. And we said, we're not doing a
detailed explanation here. But what we're doing is we're looking at what we can learn about how a husband should be from this hadith. Call it is the sixth one set. zoji inac llf. Were in shadow Bish def, waney tajawal. TEF, what are you literally calf, Li lm invests.
The sixth one, she said, my husband, when he eats, he pulls all the food his way.
And he goes all around the plate lefur. And he goes all the way around the plate, meaning there's a plate for the two of them. And the husband, he eats the whole plate, the whole thing. What either shettima, Steph, and when he drinks, he drinks the whole vessel, drinks it dry.
And when he lies down, he wraps himself in his blanket. So what does this tell us is the negative, of course, and it tells us first of all, that he doesn't share. So from the characteristics of the Ideal Husband, he should care about his wife, and he should share with her. So he hasn't shared because he's a person who's got a plate that's supposed to be for him and his wife. And what he does is left, goes the whole round the whole plate and cleans the whole plate. And when he drinks from a vessel that's supposed to be between the two of them, he drinks it for himself. So he's selfish. He's selfish and greedy, and he doesn't share. So the opposite of that would be sharing,
selfless or considerate, and generous. That's what you would want from the Ideal Husband.
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atef. When he lies down, he wraps himself in the blank, meaning he doesn't share it with his wife, he doesn't lie next to her. He doesn't give any attention to her. He just really cares about himself. He's wrapped up in his own world. And so that from the characteristics of the Ideal Husband is that he's not wrapped up in his own world. He's not focused on himself. He's also thinking about thinking about his family and their needs and thinking about what you can do for them. And also physically, he's physically.
He's physically there for his family, and he's physically intimate with his wife. He's not someone who just gets into bed wraps himself in his own blanket, you know, sleeps on the other side of the bed, and that's it. He only cares about himself.
And he doesn't stretch out his hand. She said he doesn't stretch out his hand to know what to know my grief. Now, that could be literally or it could be like as an expression an expression.
If it's literal, then maybe she's sick, whatever, but he never reaches out his hand to feel that she's sick or she's not well, or it means that he doesn't ever find that he doesn't ever reach out to find out what's wrong with her. Like he would say in English, he doesn't reach out. He doesn't reach out to find what's the matter. He can see she's not well or not happy. Or she's upset at Beth NEMA escort Beth the workers kneel ally complaint of my grief and my sorrow to Allah. You can see she's got grief, she's got sorrow, but he never reaches out with his hand to find out
What that grief is or what that sorrow is. So a husband should be someone who takes care of his wife, he should make an effort to be intimate with his wife. And he should be someone who, when she's sad or upset, he knows. And this is also something true of a wife as well as Indeed, there are many things here that we could apply to both. But you see, for example, from eyeshadow Viola on her, when the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wasallam entered that time, and there were those curtains which had the images on and she saw from his face, she saw the low and half from his face that he was upset. And we come to this inshallah we talk about the wife in the later island that she saw from
his face that he was upset. She knew he was upset. And that's a beautiful thing for the husband and wife to have that. You look at your, your wife's face, you know, she's upset about something and then you find out you reach out with your hand. Either you take her hand or you sit with her, you talk to her but you reach out, and you find out what's the matter. So that was the problem with the sixth one. pilot is Serbia, the seventh one said zoji via Yeah. Oh.
Baba ko punto de in LA Huda shed Jackie, alpha lucky. Oh, Gemma I could learn like
the seventh one. She also criticized her husband. She said My husband is high yet. He's evil. He's wicked. Or he is II yet. He's misguided.
Baba caught his foolish.
So she described him as either she said evil or wicked, or she said misguided. And she described him as being foolish.
And actually, this brings me to an interesting point that a lot of the time you find a situation, and allies are generals best way it happens, that you have a righteous woman complaining about the wickedness of her husband.
And this is something that in marriage counseling, I've seen a lot, that you have a woman who is righteous, and the husband is wicked, maybe the husband doesn't pray, the husband doesn't care about the dean at all, or the husband cheats and lies and steals and all of this stuff. It's really, it's really sad to have that situation where you have a husband that is wicked, and a woman that is she has to be under his authority. And you know, she's trying or she's trying to be righteous trying to get near to Allah and he's wicked. Nobody wants to have that to be the man in that situation is worse than being the woman. Because Asya was the wife of her own and Allah subhanaw taala praised
Asya for her righteousness, and the Prophet sighs I mentioned the completeness of her Eman for her righteousness. But can you imagine to be in that example to be the one that is like four out? Could you imagine being that kind of man that you're the one that is wicked, and evil? And, you know, foolish and what what have you and Subhanallah the wife is a good person? How is it that a Lost Planet Allah has given you such a blessing. But then you don't see that blessing, you don't implement that blessing, you don't give thanks for that blessing. So she has said that he is misguided or she said that he is wicked or evil. And she said that he is foolish. And a man
shouldn't be foolish. And by foolish here, perhaps you can take from that is foolish and the things that he says foolish and the things that he does.
One of the things that you want from a husband is to be responsible to be someone that people look up to. Because if you're going to be the head of the household, you want to inspire the people in your household, right? You want the people to look up to you, you want your kids to look up to you and say, Mashallah, you know, Allah bless my dad, I would like to be the way that he is or I would like to have many of the characteristics that he has. And even if perfection is is not something that we that any of us reach, but generally speaking, and he's someone people look up to and inspire confidence in. When he says something to his wife. You want her to feel like when she has to listen
to what he said. You want her to feel like he instills confidence in her. He gives her confidence that what he's seeing and what he's decided is sensible and proportionate and reasonable. And not that he is foolish and silly, and that he you know, sort of makes crazy decisions. Then she said cullotta in law Huda? Everything that can be every kind of sickness is his sickness.
What I found for most of the actual right here, what they said is the meaning of sickness here is at fault, like every fault is his, you know, he's got a share of everything wrong. Meaning anything that anyone could say that's wrong about someone, you could give him a share of it, you could give him a piece of it.
And then and this is very important, the last one, she said, she said, Jackie, have felt lucky, oh, Jacqueline lucky, whether he hits you on the head, or hits you on the body, or does both of them to you at the same time, whether he wounds you on the head or wounds you on the body or does both of them at the same time. This is a man who doesn't control his anger, and he lashes out at his wife. And he hits her until her head bleeds. And he hits her until her body bleeds, or he does both.
And that is a really evil person, a person deserves to be called via yet he is a person who is evil.
Because he he wounds his wife on her head and he wounds on her body. So he's hitting, and he's beating her and he's being abusive to her. So no husband should be like that, we're going to talk about the issue of
a husband hitting his wife in detail, inshallah, to Allah when we talk about Michelle's disagreements in marriage and things like that. But no one should be following that description, that he beats her on a head and he beats her on a body or he does both. Nobody should be following that description. And that's not what Islam calls for, which is actually an interesting
where you can you can put that forward to show that that's not what Islam calls for. And as we said, we will deal with the issue of whether it's allowed and when it's allowed, and what to what extent it's allowed for a husband to his wife, or his children. And we talk about that later on, in sha Allah to Allah in a subsequent episode, but here, we're talking about the fact that this man is a wife beater. And that is not something that a husband should be the Prophet sighs I'm never raised his hand. He never raised his hand to own or a servant or an animal. Salawat ally was lmra
he was sent to attend the army as a mercy to all mankind. He never raised his hand to his wife. He never raised his hand to a servant. And he never raised his hand even to beat you know, an animal like they used to do in the animal was disobedient, you know, if the animal was just not listening, and someone just excessively beat the animal. He didn't beat any solo to live a ceremony. And that's the best example for us to follow. We mentioned the katakana leconfield de la he was what you have in the Messenger of Allah the best kind of example, quality Femina, the eighth one said zojirushi rehearsal, rehearse our nap, well, Muscle, Muscle or nap.
The eighth one, she said, My husband is smell is like a sweet smelling plant, like czarna, which is a plant has a very sweet smell. And his touch is like the touch of a rabbit. So if we take this as praise here, and that's how most of the show took this year as praise, that if we take this as praise, then she's saying that he's got a lovely smell, and a lovely touch, a soft touch.
And that's, again, something fantastic for husband to aspire towards, that he always looks good, always takes care of his appearance, he takes care of his
you know, the way that he smells the way that he looks in the home, because he wants his wife to do the same. And it's not nice in the habit that some people have, that he's willing to be kind of like a slob at home, you know, like really dirty and unclean. And then when he goes out, he puts nice new clothes on and he goes in the shower takes care of himself puts his perfume on and goes out of the house. Wouldn't it be better for him to come home, take a shower, put his perfume on and put his nice clothes on to be in the house would be more deserving it would be Ola, except for the Salah. Because of course, there is no doubt that the most deserving for you to be well dressed and well
presented is for the solid to stand in front of Allah subhanaw taala. But
after that, for him to be presentable in front of his wife, and not for him to be really sort of unkempt and really
dirty and disheveled in front of his family. And yet when he is outside, he makes himself clean and presentable. That's not something praiseworthy. It's going to lead to marital problems because it's either going to lead to a fitna happening to him
any that he gets attracted, another woman gets attracted to him outside of the house, whatever, or his wife doubting him, starting to feel like I don't feel, you know, like he's so dressed up to go out of the house, but he comes home and he doesn't care about me doesn't dress up. So the fact is that he was took care of himself. He was smelly.
Nice annual soft to the touch both in a literal sense, they soft to the touch. And also in a in a in the sense that he has a soft touch with his family. He's not angry slaw is easygoing we've spoken about that as well. Quality Tessier, the ninth one set zoji or fear or a met. Paul we loony jet are the most out of the mold Ramat. coreboot Beatty mean a net.
The ninth one said, My husband is Rafi are
the pillars of his tent of very high.
So he or she is given the example as if he pitched a tent. And the pillars or the poles that hold up the tent are very, very tall. So it's a huge big tent.
What does that mean, then? What's a husband with a huge big tent is someone who's generous to his guests. He's generous to his guests, very generous, very kind known for inviting lots of people. And she she actually mentioned that as being something praiseworthy and something really good. And it's not the case that he's burdening his wife in that way. But look at the honor of being associated with a person like that to be said that, or you're so and so's wife. You know that he's someone who is really generous and really kind and always bringing guests into the home. While we're on the jet, he has a tall scabbard for his sword. So the sword when he puts the sword into the sheath, the
sheath of the sword is very long, his new jacket, the sheath of the sword is probably is very long. And that might mean that he's a tall person.
And that's what comes to mind that he's a tall, like a tall, handsome guy, you know. But it also might mean that he is brave also like his sword is big and his brief. So he is brave, or he's a tall person.
And he is Avi more ROM at the ashes are huge. Meaning that he's always got the fire lit for people, for guests to come around and for people to be welcome to his home. He's always cooking for them, always giving them food. So the ashes from cooking the ashes that build up after the fire that rahmat which builds up after the fire, the ashes are clean. There's many of them, it's a large cast lots of ashes, meaning he cooks a lot for people. He looks after his guests. Well, he's generous. And he's kind.
Curry will bait him in a net that his house is close to the net. The nerdy here is like the,
the central place where the people gather, and Nadi here is the central place where everybody gathers and this is the Nadi, where everybody gathers. So if his house is nearby to that, what does that mean? It means is that he's an upstanding member of the community. His house is not hidden in the in the sticks in the in the middle of nowhere, right where nobody can find him. Nobody can see him. He's right in the center of his community. It's right in the middle of his community. So from this, we can take positive attributes of the Ideal Husband, generous,
kind to his guests, welcoming, brave, and that he's involved in his community. He's in the middle of his community. He's not someone who lives in the middle of nowhere, away from everybody. distant from everyone doesn't welcome anyone to come to see him, keeps himself to himself. His house is karimun a nut is right next to the center of where everybody gathers. So it's easy for people to see him and it's easy for him to see there's a new person in town and welcome them to come to his house. politic Archer, the 10th one set zoji Matic one my Malik Murli Quinn Hiram indolic, Yahoo, Eb rune casier, automatic karela to mosaddek either seminoe SoTL mishor a con una how Alec the 10th. One
My husband is Malik.
What shall I tell you about Malik? Malik is better than all of that. What does she mean? Malik is better than all that he means. Malik is better than all the other husbands that have gone before, which is no great feat for a lot of them. Although there were some positives in there. But a lot of those were negatives, but Malik is better than all of those who came before or she said that Malik whatever I tell you, Malik will be better than what I told you.
Whatever I tell you, I can't describe him because he'll he'll just be better than that. What's good about him, she said, first of all, she mentioned Malik, and here Malik, that he's zoji Malik. My husband is he owns a lot of things.
And the things that he owns, he owns a lot of things. She mentioned some of the things that he wants. She said he has many camels,
camels that have many faults, and they are ready to be given to the guests to be slaughtered for the guests. And the pastures of those camels are small, the Maasai, which are the pastures of the camel, they are clearly lat. They're small. And that's a sign of generosity, because he doesn't let his camels go far from the house in case a guest comes. So he can he's willing to give his food, give that that camel to the slaughter the camel to give it to the guest as food. So if you had lots of pastures, then the camels are spread out. When his guests come, it looks like you know, he doesn't really have anything to give them. Or he has to go very far. It takes him a long time. But he keeps
his pastures small, so that he can easily bring a camel for his guests and slaughter It and Prove and provide it to his guests for food. So he's generous, and he's good to his guests. When the camels hear the sound of the instrument, they know that one of them is going to be or they know that they will be sorted, meaning that he was so the guests used to come so many times. And he was so generous, that even the camels became used to it when you hear the sound of the instrument, you should be sure that this is a time that the camels are going to be taken and slaughtered for the guests to give us food. So as part of his generosity, his kindness, and the fact that he's always
ready to welcome his guests. So that's one of the good characteristics also. We now come to the 11th. One and we've already spoken about the 11th. One we had we had read it previously in the the 11th woman who is Hamza we've already spoken about that, but we'll go over it again, briefly at the end of this lesson, looking at again, the positive qualities of the husband not necessarily looking at, you know, what we said about the family and so on. Quality hydia Tasha zoji a bizarre firmer apples are an SME hollein. Although they were mad at me, Chairman Apple, they were the hedge any further higit la FC. She said I was What can I tell you about apples or even his name apples are is
like that he's a, he's a really good person, generous person with lots of good characteristics. He made my ears move any anessa means he made it, he made him he made the move where he made them heavy with ornaments with jewelry. And he filled my bones and my sinews with, with with meat with with flesh. In other words, that he looked after her in terms of gifts.
And in terms of her food, and he made her happy. She said he made me happy and I became content with myself.
So three things we're going to take about the attribute of the husband from this. The first one is that he gives his wife gifts. That's the Ideal Husband gives his wife gift doesn't have to be big gifts. Although she mentions jewelry here, but he he gives he's a person who gives gifts to his wife.
And he looks after her health. Because that's what she means when she said when I mean Chairman, I will they he made my my Mei. He made my my bones become
become fleshy. In other words, he or she put on weight.
She put on she put on weight because he looked after he took care of it looked after health, make sure she's eating properly. And he made her happy. And so she became happy with herself became content with herself. So he should be someone who makes his wife happy. Someone who gives his wife gifts. Someone who looks after her health and takes care of her make sure she's got plenty to eat and so on.
We're jedynie Fiona emetine, Bishop Bishop for Gianni fee le sahelian. What athlete and why that is in one Monique.
He found me among a people a few sheep, you know just a few like shepherds with just very little very poor, either poor or they were on one side of a valley or or Bishop or bishop. They were in a state of poverty and how
In any case, he found her with very little. And he gave her horses and camels and greens and Potter land. And the greens that were separated the monarch and he they were separated from the
separate I don't know if you'd call it separating the wheat from the chaff, but you separate the greens like that.
So the point is that he looked after her and he took care of her. Now not everyone has horses and camels and grains and land and pasture and whatever to give to their wife or to allow their wife to live like that. But he obviously gave her the best of what he had. And that's probably the characteristic I would take from that part that you give the white your wife the best of what you have available to give her control what you have. It's in the hands of Eliza gel, but what you have you give her the best of what you have you look after the best way you can find the who are cool to follow.
What are koodo factors are what Ashleigh bullfighter.
She said when I speak, he doesn't find a fault with me. And that's from the beautiful characteristics that a man can have with his wife, that he doesn't find a lot of faults in her that he lets her speak. And he doesn't take into account for every every little thing. He lets her talk he doesn't she says things and he doesn't see you know, he doesn't jump and say this and that and the other.
So he lets her he lets her speak and he lets her be free in that.
And she goes to sleep and she wakes up either means let's asleep as long as she wants or it means that she sleeps well. She has a good she he she has a comfortable sleep because he looks after she's not worried she's not scared about anything. She's not you know struggling to sleep at night out of worry. She's she goes to sleep wakes up happy. And she drinks to her heart's content, meaning his generous he shares with her and he gives her plenty. She then goes on to mention the mother of bubbles are the son of bubbles are the daughter of a bizarre and we already mentioned this previously, and they don't necessarily relate to the characteristic of the husband as much except
from the point of view as the husband as as a son, the husband as a son. He's good to his parents. The husband as a father he's raised his children well. On what a bizarre family why bizarre? Como hora de obey to her for sir so he looks after his mom. He gave a nice house to live in. Her cupboards are full. No Ibiza. Ibiza mob geochemist le Shaka Will you Shapiro who there are jefra that his bed is like the
either it means like the soft, it's soft, either. chemists le Shaka, it means that it's like the soft, he may like the soft palm, which is it's very, like his bed is soft and comfortable. Or like the unsheath sword we mentioned, where you share who they are, or jefra it could indicate that he's fight he's, he's happy with little, he's strong, and he's fit and healthy. So even just a small amount.
That's what he's he's happy with. And it said also that there are jefra it means that because it's the leg or the the form of the of the Lamb that it means that he is getting really good quality food you know, he's eating lamb is lying on a soft bed, what it means that he's strong and he's capable, and he suffices himself with little. I've been to a bizarre firm I've been to Ibiza total ebihara will throw me here when he said he was a zoo gerety her that the daughter of alzado What's the daughter I was like she's obedient to her father opinion to her mother, she fills out her clothes, meaning that he's looked after taking care of her so she's healthy and well proportioned. And she is
the jealousy of her jealous some of the scholars said it means a co wife, it's on them. skeptic generally just said it's just that the other women who look at her are jealous of her when they see how a father trait has. So in terms of the husband here, we don't want to dwell too much on this part of the Hadeeth. But what we can say is that it does show that the husband is looking after his mom and dad, looking after he is looking after his children and raising them up. Well likewise the jatiya the servant girl, we're not going to dwell on that too much geria to absolve from Nigeria to a bizarre letter with a definitive fee that what I do not presume you're Latina, town peace out what
attempt that will be to Natasha that she doesn't spread our news. She doesn't go through our things or or doesn't waste things. And she doesn't leave our house full of rubbish and we've already spoken about
In the previous one of the previous videos here, she then talks about what happened after that.
She then tells about what happened with Amazon and how they came to be divorced. And it's amazing that she actually tells all of this positive all of this positive news about apples are even though he divorced her and she was a divorcee. But it shows how well he tracked her, he tracked her soul well, and this is really a really good way of talking about the Ideal Husband, that he treats his wife so well that even if he were to leave her, she would only remember the good things that he did. And that's an amazing quality for a person to have. So she talks about what happened. She said, pilot, hello Java zero, well Tabu Tim Hubble fallopia ma 10 Maha wala Danny Lucha CalHFA Dany
yelloweye, ban him into the house rehab bureau man attain. so bizarre went out at a time of the spring when the milk was churning. That's the time when it was springtime, and there was plenty of milk available. And he met a woman. And he was so impressed with this woman, this woman she had two children with her like leopards who were playing under her vest with to pomegranates it said that's a description of her body, how she was description of how she was. And
he became attracted to her.
He became attracted to sanzari, she said,
For Paula, Connie, when
he divorced me, and he married her instead. And that was something that he did that was that left her sad, but because of the good treatment that he the way that he treated her during the marriage. She only remembers the good things. She then said, faneca to Bader, who Rosalyn said iya or Akiba. cheriya Ahava cochlea, she said I'm married after that a man who was Noble.
He rode a horse or he was a master of in riding horses. And he had a spear and he was a great fighter, a great warrior. He was a great warrior. He was a great horse rider. He was a normal man.
What are our Hi, Lia namun 30 year and he gave me all different kinds of blessings, all different kinds of goodness, different kinds of gifts. What are Pani mean? coulier I mean, cool. lira enheten zoologia. And he gave me a pair of everything a bit of every from every animal or everything he just he gave me a bit of everything.
Called a coolie almanzar where MIDI Alec, fellow Gemma to Cooley. lashay in our tiny Marbella asala near to a bizarre
he said she said, he said ozora eat and give to your family. So he was really generous. He said eat and give to your family.
But she said if I was to bring together everything he gave me It wouldn't reach even the smallest of the vessels of Amazon
like even though he gave us so much but it just he couldn't compare to how I was or was quality I shall call your soul Isola love it yourself Sallam come to lucky Chi bizarre little missile. I she said the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said to me, I am like to you like a bizarre it was to own czar. Here I want to stop and just finish off this episode by looking at what we can learn from the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wasallam. And this is more important than what we learn from the rest of the Hadith. What we learn from the rest of the holy that is still is a story of the 11 women that I should told, and we can take it like benefits from it. But what we learned from the Prophet size
is the most important thing and that's why most of the time when this Hadees narrated in the books of Hadith, it's narrated in chapters that show how the prophets why Selim behaved towards Ayesha in this hadith So number one, how the Prophet sighs and spent time with his family how the profits lesson listen to it should tell that long Heidi's long Hadeeth and he listened to her talk about tell what she wanted. He didn't interrupt her. He didn't say Okay, that's enough. Now, you know, just tell me the first one get to the point of the story. He let her tell a long story and he listened to her and he listened to her carefully and he was kind and considerate from this is the
Scala's take from this is that a man should tell his wife that he loves her
He should tell he should you know joke and play and be a bit relaxed at times with her. And he should show her how important she is all of that we take from who from which of the 11 from none of the 11 we take it from the profit size element how he behaved towards Ayesha when he said come to lucky cat bizarrely on me so I'm like, a bizarre was to observe I mean to you is like a bizarre to observe and not really shows how caring the Prophet slicin was, how he listened to Ayesha, how he how much he loved his wives and how he told Ayesha that how he was willing to talk about, you know, lighter things, honestly, necessarily jokes as such, but lighter things, things that were you know,
not so serious. And also for a person to tell their wife how important she is. This is from some of the benefits we can take from this Hadeeth as it relates to the Ideal Husband and that's definitely all we have time for. And Eliza generals best or Salatu was Salam ala nabina Muhammad wa ala alihi wa sahbihi h my
as salaam alaikum. If you're enjoying these videos, and you'd like to keep up to date with all of the courses we're going to be running, make sure you head over to am [email protected]