The Muslim Family #06 – What Some Women Say About Their Husbands P1

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leeuw Alhamdulillah lillahi Rabbil alameen wa Salatu was Salam ala Abdullah he was holy Nabina Muhammad wa ala alihi wa sahbihi edge nine Assalamu alaykum warahmatullahi wabarakatu. We begin as always, by praising Allah azzawajal and by sending Peace and blessings and salutations and asking Allah to exalt the mentioning grant peace to our messenger Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, to his family and his companions, we are talking about the Muslim family. And this short course which is brought to you by madrasa to urinaria is a course which is going to cover all the aspects of the Muslim family inshallah to Allah. And as we said, after we did a general introduction to the Muslim

family, and some of the ayat which have been revealed,

in the Quran, and some of that Hadith that the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said about the Muslim family, and then we went on to talk about marriage. And we reached the point where we are talking about the characteristics of the Ideal Husband. Now, at this point, I think it's really beneficial, that we bring back in the hadith of Hamza.

And if you remember, I had quoted to you the Hadeeth, of ohms, are a part of it, just the part that relates to Hamza and opposer. And their family. I had quoted it to you in a previous lesson. And I quoted it to you from the point of just showing kind of like, an example of a Muslim family where everything's going right, the wife is happy with her husband, the husband is happy with the wife, and the children and the parents and the, you know, even the servant, girl in the house, everything is wonderful. So we give that as an example. And I want to come back to the Hadeeth. Now, I'm not going to give an explanation of everything in the Heidi to the sense in the sense of how I might

have done in previous videos or in other lectures where I might have gone through the Heidi from, you know, beginning to end word by word. But what I'm going to do in Sharla, is we're going to go through the whole Heidi's and we're gonna look at it from the angle of the Ideal Husband, I we're gonna look at what those women had to say about their husbands. And what we can learn about that in terms of how a husband should be or shouldn't be. Because it's, it's an absolute goldmine. It's an amazing resource of 11 women who don't conceal anything about their husbands tell everything there is to tell. And you see a lot of the positives and negatives about the husband. And these are

positives and negatives that were affirmed by Islam a, that that Islam agreed that they are, you know, things which are either positive or negative, depending on what it is. So it is something where we can learn a lot about what a husband should be like and what a husband shouldn't be like. So this Heidi is the Heidi's of Arusha, follow the law and call it jealousy are short term law, Fatah heitner, what are Kutner like to know more about it as well, Gina Shea.

I generated that 11 women sat together, ie they sat they came together in a modular select gathering. And they agreed and they promised each other that they would not conceal anything from there or anything about their husbands positive or negative.

Now, generally speaking, we talk about just just so that we understand the ruling here. It's not generally permissible for a woman to inform what her husband is like,

in this kind of situation. Because that would be the by would be backbiting unless she's going to call the to complain or a counselor or something like that. It wouldn't be permissible, but here it's not. If you imagine I share is telling the profit sighs about 11 women, a story which happened, the profits it doesn't know those 11 women are all their husbands and it's she's telling something that happened. So that's not a matter of It's not that I should is doing anything wrong. And of course the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam wouldn't have let her continue if she was doing anything wrong, but just to clarify that if it

was a real life situation that happened today, it wouldn't be allowed for a woman to tell the secrets of how her husband is, unless she has one of the reasons which makes that permissible. Like she's speaking in front of a colleague, he or she had to go to ask a fatwa, or something like that. But here, when it says that they won't conceal anything from what their husbands did, that means positive or negative, so they're going to mention the positives. And then I mentioned the negatives even though the negatives are quite a lot in this Hadith, but we can take from those as well because we can reverse them around and say, Well, if that's a negative, what would what do we take from

that? What is the positive from

politic all zoji la mujer Melina Hough, Allah see jevelin work less Allen Pharaoh Taka wala semitone, Faye and tuck

the first one she said My husband is like the meat of a tough lean camel.

On a high mountain.

He's not easy, so that you can reach him.

And he's not meaty so that you can bring it down, or it's not meaty any the meat of the camel is not Semyon. It's not Fatty, so that it's worth bringing down.

So what is this? What does she mean? And what can we benefit from this in the description of the Ideal Husband? First of all, she's criticizing her husband, this is them. She's criticizing him, she's complaining about him, she's got nothing good to say about it. She said he is more gentle. He's the meat of a camel. So she didn't mention the meat of a lamb which might be soft, and you know, easy to eat, meat overcome, it's tough, It's chewy. So he is rough and tough. He's a tough guy, he's got a tough personality, you know, like, you have to, you have to be patient with him.

And he's not just the meat of a camel, he's a meat of a camel, which is the earth it's lean, there's not even any meat on it. It's like you, you have no, it's like a thin camel that doesn't have any proper meat on it. So what little good is there is tough.

What little good is there? It's tough. It's it's not it's not nice. It's not what people would wish for. So this indicates first of all that his o'clock, poor, poor manners. And that he's, he's tough to get hold of tough to reach tough to interact with, tough to live with.

And then even when she makes the effort, she said lesser and failed Taka, it's not easy to get to him. So he's not accessible. He's not accessible. And that doesn't mean necessarily is not in the house. That could be one thing, because there's two ways that a man might not be accessible in one that he's never home. And the other one is not that he's never home, but it's just you can't go You can't get rich him from an on an emotional level. You go to speak to him, you can't get to him on an emotional level, you just can't reach him he's tough to get to tough to get through to we might say in English can't get through to him.

Well SME non fantastic. And he's not got enough semies in here she's comparing him to the meat of the camel is not fat enough that it's worth bringing it down. Meaning when I make all of that effort to get to him, and I make all of the effort to reach him

on that top of that high mountain like he's sitting on top of his throne. And he's really rough, really tough person to deal with that. Even when I get all I make that huge effort for him. And I make such a big effort for him. That big effort is wasted because there's no benefit to be had anyway. It's like climbing on top of a tall mountain, you might say look, I would climb a tool mountain, if the meat at the top of the mountain was really good quality. So I could see I really made a big effort. And I got all the way to the top of the mountain and I got this really good quality meat pie go all the way to the top of the mountain and the meat was tough and lean. There

was barely any meat on it and what meat was on it was was tough to eat. So she's comparing her husband like that. She makes a big effort for him. And that's one of the things that is is from the son of the Prophet size as it relates to the wife. We're going to come to that later on. She makes a big effort for a husband. But the effort that she makes for a husband First of all, it requires a huge amount of effort from her to get any response from him. It's like climbing a tall mountain and when she makes that effort, it's not

worth it because there's not anything good to be heard at the end of it. Reverse that and look at the Ideal Husband. First of all, he should be sad, he should be easygoing, he shouldn't be tough, and he should be easygoing, and he should be soft. So being soft, and being easygoing, and he should be accessible. Now traveling is something that sometimes people have to do. And typically, many times A man has to travel perhaps for work, perhaps for other things that he has to do and obligations that are lost placed upon him. And that's absolutely fine. But he should be accessible, meaning when he's home, he's available, he's reachable, his wife can get through to him on an

emotional level of physical level, and so on. And when she makes the effort for him, he makes it worth her while she climbs that tall mountain, whether she made a big effort in how she looks, or she made a big effort in how she behaves, should we try to correct some of maybe her faults, and she's working really hard trying really hard, he should make it worth her while because why would she ever correct herself, if he doesn't correct himself. And that's why it's narrated from some of the companions of the Prophet sallallahu wasallam, about the man who makes an effort in his appearance, so that because he requires or he expects the same from his wife, and we're going to

come to that later on in Sharla. So a man makes an effort in his his appearance, because he wants his wife to do the same. So how would he expect her to correct her manners and her behavior makes such a big effort with him, when she makes the effort and gets nothing back. So she's like, she's climbed a tall mountain, but she only found tough, lean, little meat, nothing worthwhile for her to make such a big effort. So what's going to happen, she's going to stop making the effort completely. So he should be easygoing, he should be soft, he should be accessible, and he should make it worth her while that when she does something and makes a big effort for him. He shows appreciation so he

should be appreciative. If we move on to the next part of the highest quality, Sania zoji, la Abu hubba, in aha for Allah, Allah in a quarter who has called Aurora who were pujara, the second one, she said, my husband, I am not going to go into detail to tell you everything about him.

Why is it because she's scared of allies or jealous because she's scared that she might say something wrong. She said, If I stopped, I will not be able to stop.

in me, ahafo Ella, ever, I think if I start telling you about him, I will not be able to stop. The whole gathering will be taken up by his faults.

If I mentioned him, I will mention his public and private failings. What can we take from this? First of all, she mentioned her husband completely negatively. She said, if I sit here telling you about him, I'm not going to stop, you want none of you, other people will have a turn, all of you are going to have to wait while I finish a long, long, long discussion about all of his faults.

But here, what I wanted to focus on is the merger and the budget. So that is the open faults and the hidden faults. So here and maybe that's not I'm kind of reaching when I use this for the Hadeeth I'm just using it as like a placeholder to mention this to you, inshallah,

that how people are in public and private. So you get some people who in public are actually really good. But privately, if you were to speak to their wife or their family, and they were to be honest, they would probably say the same thing. In your heart for Allah, Allah, I think if I start talking, I will not stop. And that's a terrible, you know, characteristic for a husband to have to be really good in public, and to be really bad in private.

And, even worse than that is what she mentioned about her husband, that he's got all the faults in public and all the faults in, in private, and that's even worse, but just here I just wanted to use it as kind of like a placeholder because we're talking about the sci fi to the characteristics of the Ideal Husband, just to mention that, that you don't want to be a person who is really bad at home. But you know, you have

Your public face, which is really good, the husband should be someone who is even better at home than he is outside. Even better at home than he is when he's in front of an audience, you know, like where he sort of might present that he's really good. But he should be better, even better than that in himself at home. And that's what we should be striving for as men in our in our marriages. And even more than that, we should be striving that when we're alone, and no one sees us except Allah, we even better than what we all would have families. And that will lie like I don't, I don't say to you that that's something that I've, I even I don't even claim a 10th of that for myself. But I

really think it's a beautiful thing to aim for. It's a beautiful goal to have, that you would like it as a man to be better with your family than you are in public. And to be better a Lord when no one sees you except a law than you are with your family. And that will be a sign of a person's class. And a sign of the fact that a person is not a person either halabi moharram, Allah or either Hello, Mahara Mila, Taku ha, people like the prophets, as I mentioned, people, a group of people, when they are alone with what Allah made Haram, they fall into it, meaning nobody sees them except Allah. They don't feel shy to fall into any kind of Haram. So that's not how the person should be.

Quality fairly fair. The third one she said zoji. election in unclip autolock, we're in So good

luck.

She said My husband is Elijah nacala. shannock is the one who is tall. But that, that that his height doesn't benefit him anything. Like so it could be lanky, but it could also be in his stature. You know, like he walks around like a big tall man, you know, he's got maybe pride. But generally even she's mentioning his height is really, really tall and lanky. But she doesn't mention anything good about it. I shouldn't that's not a nice way of saying Oh, he's really tall, you know, like, He's tall and handsome or something like that. It's not really nice. It's like, Oh, he's tall in a negative way. Like you would say, a lanky you know, excessively tall. He's lanky, or his in his

stature in the way that he behaves. You know, like, he behaves like that. Like he walks around like he's 10 feet tall.

But the key point I want to hear I want to focus on here is the statement in undec autolock. If I see anything, he'll divorce me, and if I'm silent, or I look, he will leave me hanging.

And that is the case of many men. So we want to reverse that and get the characteristic of the Ideal Husband is he's not quick to divorce his wife and he's not quick with talaq some people have got the talaq on rapid fire. Everything that goes wrong in their marriage, talaq talaq, talaq talaq so many times it's not even a matter of three times anymore. Like it's just the word comes out of his mouth. I was angry. I didn't expect it. I wasn't thinking. Some of the Mushaf said doesn't count. And you ask him, how many times have you been through that angry Pollock?

And he says, more than I can count.

It's really sad that somebody should be like that. They have rapid fire with the talaq talaq, talaq, talaq, talaq, talaq, talaq everything. She can't speak without him saying Pollock or without him getting angry. You know, like this that we talked about how he should be gentle and how he should be. We mentioned that he shouldn't be quick to get angry. It should be halleen

nF igaku sletten, you Hippo Humala and him. Well, Anna, having gentleness and not getting angry quickly and taking things slowly. So he is the opposite her husband, she's if I say anything is going to divorce him. So any complaints wife comes she says, Look, I'm struggling. I'm not so happy. bollock straightaway divorce. So that's obviously a negative characteristic. The positive characteristic is he's not quick to say that word doesn't throw the divorce around and he doesn't throw the threats of the divorce erupt. So he's not one who says if you say this, I'll divorce you say this out divorce. You say this. I'll divorce you. He's not got the threat of divorce all the

time.

And she says when I'm silent, because you might give advice and say well, if your husband's like that, just, you know, don't say anything bad. And if I'm silent, he leaves me hanging kilmallock leaves her like something suspended.

And it's exactly like the English phrase. Left me hanging out.

Just left me suspended, not like she's not a wife, nor is she divorced. So it's not like if she's silent, he treats her well, or he treats her like a good wife. If she silent, he doesn't treat her like a wife, nor does he let her marry someone else. And that is from the worst characteristics you can get in a husband, that he leaves his wife kilmallock as though she is hanging, you know, she's between the ceiling and the floor. Like she's not standing on. She's not like, she's not in one place. And she's not in the other place. She's just hanging there. Like stuck. He doesn't treat her like a wife, nor does he divorce her. So in this, it would be more merciful. If you're so unhappy

with her, for him to divorce her. Let her marry someone else. Let her have a happy life. Why should she be left? And she's not a wife, nor is she a divorce. She's just left in suspense. kalamalka in suspense like that. She's not one she's not the other that if she's silent. If she speaks, then he throws the divorce either the threat of the divorce, or he gives. He gives the divorce, politic robbia. The fourth one said zoji kelela Tiana, la Houghton Walla,

Walla. Walla, well, as

she said, My husband is like a night of tea hammer to hammer is what you call the area between the sea and the mountains. And it's particularly usually refers to the area of

south of Hejaz towards Yemen, the web between the Red Sea and the mountains, the cost of the Red Sea in the mountains. And she says My husband is like the Knights of Tiana. And he's very martagon he's just he's balanced. Now, sometimes you could take that as a complaint. There are people who mentioned that could be a complaint. She's just saying, like, you know, there's no, there's no passion, there's no bad treatment, it's just,

you know, like that. It's just like that. It's just kind of neutral. But that's not I mean, in general, the explanation of the highlight of the show raw, who covered the Heidi visit, this is praise, she's not criticizing him she's praising. And she's saying that he is more attentive, he's balanced, is balanced. La Habra. Well, he's not hot or cold. So he doesn't get you know, he's not really angry with her.

And, you know, shouting and screaming and temper, and he's not called with her because some husbands when they are,

when they are, let's say, not angry, or not emotional or not passionate, they're called just keep away. You know, like, Yeah, he doesn't get angry with me, but he doesn't talk to me either. He doesn't get angry with me. He doesn't talk to me either. But he is a hard worker. He's not hot. And he's not cold, meaning he's not overly sort of angry, aggressive.

You know what, whatever that might be. And he's not distant and cold. He's balanced. And he's fair. And he's just, and we've already talked about fairness. We talked about the statement of Eliza gel. Elliott ideal for Hadith and Omar malakut. Amen. Okay. And we spoke about that i and sorting this out, we talked about how you can take from that, that that person is a person who fears allow with regard to justice being just between his family. So here being just an imbalanced? No, it's not too hot. Not too cold. Just in the middle. She said, what Mr. hoffa? I'm not scared of him. So I've got no, I'm not like I've got nothing to be scared of.

So she can. He's approachable. He's not aggressive. He doesn't throw the towel around. What is the MSL on the scholar said is admitted. He's not he doesn't bore me. And that would be a response if people said that it was a negative and said that she's just saying, well, he's kind of just, you know, in the middle, it's not very exciting. He's not too bad. He's just you know, right in the middle, but actually here less ammo would indicate that she may i'm not i'm not bored. I'm not I've got no complaints with him. And I'm not scared. I've got no fear, and I've got no complaints.

Cognitive Hi, Mr. zoji.

In the hot lava head one hot Raja acid, while I yes, no.

Again, some of the scholars took this to be positive, and some of them took it to be negative. So let's look at it in the light of it being if it were to be

if it were to be positive, if it were to be positive. So she said, my husband, when he comes in the house fade, he behaves like a leopard.

He behaves like a leopard.

And when he goes out, he's like a lion.

And he doesn't ask about

the agreements, or what has been agreed, he doesn't ask about what has been agreed. So if we take it positive, when he comes in fate, when he comes in for head, so this is that he's playful with his wife, he's friendly with her. He's got good manners with her. And he gives her you know, he's kind of like, I would say one of the one of the things you could take is playful, friendly, kind.

That if you look at it in a positive way, he's playful, he's friendly, is kind. And if you look at the profit size, and how much time he used to give to his family, and how he used to care for eyeshadow, viola, and her and his wife, his other wives and their needs, and for example, we have the the Hadeeth regarding the ABA seniors who were throwing the spears in domestic and how the profit sizes took Asia out and he gave her time. So little profit sighs I'm used to used to be friendly with his family. We talked about how the profits I'm raised Ayesha twice, and one time she won. And then after that he won. And she said, he said that this is for that and so on. It's all

that kind of playful, and kind and great behavior with the family. What in hodeida acid, and when he goes out, he's brief. And that actually shows you that if you're going to take this positively, one of the beautiful things is to compare the lion to the leopard. So the leopard here

is the one that is playful, and soft, and kind. And the the asset, the lion is the one who's brave and

fearful and brave and cast fear into into his enemies. How would the man should have both of those qualities, but where should he have?

Where should he have those qualities? He shouldn't be the asset in the house. He shouldn't be the line in the house, where he's roaring his family, you know, He's

scary to his family. They're scared of him, that he's, you know, he behaves like a lion. That's not praiseworthy. The praiseworthy thing is that when he goes out of the house,

in terms of his his life outside of the home, he's very brave. He has an excellent reputation. He has a haber, he has a presence in front of people. When it comes to his family. He's really relaxed and playful, and really gentle and kind. So that's a really nice if you like comparison between the two between either the halophyte way the hot Raja acid, that's if we take it in, in the positive, what is our head, and he doesn't ask about what has been agreed, meaning he doesn't give his wife a hard time over what he's agreed with her. He doesn't give her a hard time. Like say to a look, I told you to do this, and I told you to do this and I told you to do this. So he is Masami. He's

easygoing. He is semi easygoing and relaxed about things. He doesn't give his wife a hard time I told you to do this, I told you to do that. So if we look at it from a positive point of view, those are the points we can take. He's playful, kind friendly with his family. When he goes out. He's brave, honorable, normal, with a great you know, with a great his reputation and the way he behaves in front of the people, the people give him that position. And when it comes to asking his family to do things, he doesn't burden them too much. If we take in the negative we can also take in the negative in the halophyte, whirring highlighter, acid, what is

it? If we take in the negative then some of the scholars mean said that the leopard is the one that sleeps at home all the time. So he goes home and just goes to sleep. And some of them said that

any other things but we'll take here that

You know, it's a negative end, for example, the man that sleeps in the home all the time, or the man who makes demands from his family, but he doesn't care for their needs, he doesn't care for their needs. And what is it and he doesn't ask about what has been promised or agreed, could mean that he doesn't care about the house.

He doesn't care about the house doesn't care what's going on in the house, I don't care what's going on in the house, I don't care if you've got food in the cupboards or you haven't got food in the cupboards, I don't care if you've got money to buy things or not, I don't care if you're happy or not, I don't care if the kids are misbehaving or not, he doesn't care about what's going on in his house. So if we take it positive, we took the positive points. If we take a negative, then perhaps we can say that the negatives would be coming home and just being asleep all the time, like just not even, or coming home and just making demands of his family, but not actually taking care of their

needs. And likewise, that he doesn't care about what's happening in the house. The house is your problem. Don't Don't talk to me about what's going on in the house. He doesn't care about it. So that's again, a negative and we would want the Ideal Husband to be the opposite of that. He cares about what's in the house. He cares about his family's needs, he's friendly, he's playful with them. And he comes home and of course he's going to come home sometimes asleep but he comes home and he's not someone who is disconnected from the house or disconnected from the family. We're going to continue the explanation of the Heidi in the next episode inshallah to Allah because it is a long

Hadeeth and we're still talking about the characteristics of the Ideal Husband, as what Allah made easy to mention and Allah knows best was Salatu was Salam ala nabina Muhammad Ali wasapi ajmeri

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