How can I get my wife to wear Hijab

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The Deen Show

Channel: The Deen Show

Topics: Hijab

Episode Notes

Special Q&A session with Guest Dr. Waleed Basyouni answering your questions this week.

Episode Transcript

© No part of this transcript may be copied or referenced or transmitted in any way whatsoever. Transcripts are auto-generated and thus will be be inaccurate. We are working on a system to allow volunteers to edit transcripts in a controlled system.


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Bismillah Alhamdulillah Salaam Alaikum. Peace be unto you. We are going to be answering some of your questions. We have a special q&a session. Here we wait for an individual who's qualified to answer these questions. And we had to wait a little bit. We got someone in the studio, he's the Vice President Obama. He's also involved with the imja. online where you can submit your questions. Dr. Shaikh, will leave a Sunni special q&a section here in the D show. Don't go nowhere.

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Salam Alaikum. Peace be unto you. Our cats. How are you? Very good. I'm delighted. How's everything with you? Excellent. Excellent. Angela, back here for another episode people go to the deen show calm, you have your own private section there where people can see some of the previous shows that we've done. And we're going to get right into the topic q&a session with Dr. shape will leave as soon as your online. Yes, I'm joking. wine.com This is where you have a group of scholars here in America, who people they can go reliable, who give the verdict from the verbatim Word of God. And the last and final question. Yes, yeah. So you you're involved there. So we're gonna we're gonna

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read some some questions that some of the people, they have the right in. And hopefully from these questions, people can somewhat, you know, relate to it. And these might be situations that they're also going through. So it can be a general benefit for the masses of people. So getting into our next question.

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The person asked, I believe it's a male who said I need some advice. He's I've explained the importance of the, the the modest way of dressing Islam, which is the hijab we know as Muslims, this is something that's required, he said to my wife for years now. But she seems not to take the issue seriously. She's a good person, she prays but but won't put the hijab she fears it will upset her family. You know, they're Muslim, too. It says by name. But it seems like not by action. When we call Ramadan. Listen, she's talking about you. Or when someone dies, they'll bring out a mom to read the crown. You know, this is how much to implement the dean, he says, so she fears upsetting them.

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Please give me some advice. We have a daughter also, and I fear she might follow in her footsteps. If she doesn't set a good Islamic example for the child and need some advice. Talk to us. He says,

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Okay, well, I'm saying talk to you. But he's saying

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at first of all, thank you for having me again, your show. Thank you, Edie May Allah tala bless you and bless your effort. And except from all of us.

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As for this brother, my advice to you. First of all, I ask you to

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always show your love and support to your wife as being your wife. Don't

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be mad if she may be lacking this area because she's interested from your question. She's a good woman, she's a great woman, be grateful, thankful to Allah, Tada. And I think through love and good relationship with your wife, I'm sure that you will have a good influence on her. And this year, don't give up and don't change your feelings towards her. That's number one. Number two, I want you also to ask Allah subhanaw taala day and night in your prayer. I know a lot of people like you and your situation. A lot of good brothers good friends of mine. Unfortunately, their wives, they don't dress properly. They don't wear hijab all the time. So what I will tell you the same thing I've been

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telling them, pray to Allah subhanaw taala ask him

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always from the bottom of your heart that a lot open her heart to see the truth the way you see it as well. So that's number two. Number three.

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As far as I can, I can tell the T his wife knows that she has she need to have a job, but she doesn't want to upset her family. One thing I will tell basically, the sister, what you really need to care about the feeling that you really care about the most is the last Peridot, how Allah subhanaw taala sees you as he's pleased with what you do. He's upset with what you do. I think that's the most important thing in life. What is my relationship with the creator before my relationship with any creation? He is has the one the

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Right over me over anybody else, anybody else and I want to tell you something. Monrovia La Hoya and whoever allow will be pleased with him, he will make other people pleased with that person. If Allah pleased with you, he will let other to be pleased with you as well. And whoever Allah subhanaw taala is displeased with, no one will be basically pleased with him. So if you really want to please your family, please our last product, Alice first. And I'll tell you, your family will accept it. Maybe in the beginning they feel something strange, not used to it. But down the road, they will accept it, they will respect it. Because it's not something I made it up or you made it up. It's something

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Allah our Creator, he have chosen for you. And he didn't choose this he didn't ordain this he didn't legislate this for you for no good reason. It's for the best for you and for, for for you in this word, your life and in the Hereafter as well. So what I want you to do sister to

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tell your parents Why are you doing this, you're doing this because you pleasing Allah subhanho wa Taala because that's what a Lost Planet Allah ordered you to do. And also because you don't want to

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make a loss pantalla angry at you all you want to suffer the consequences of disobeying him. The prophet SAW them said, there is two kinds of people among the people of Hellfire I haven't seen them. And he said casiotone Arya, a woman who dress but in the same terms, the not dressing. One of the meaning of this holiday, Emma said that she covered a part of her body that's supposed to cover and she doesn't cover the rest. And which is basically that what

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some woman will do when they don't work a job. And also the profits or some of them said are raphaela to fizzy netea he said that the woman who goes outside showing her beauties in front of pub in the public places in front of men are not related to her. The prophets of Salaam said when she walked she walk while allies angry at her for if you have a Billa that Allah sweater is angry at her. So my dear sister, take this issue seriously, the issue of wearing hijab is not just recommended something larger, it's not just

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not wearing hijab is just

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asked and it's one of the citizens in a snap. And I think you insha Allah with determination and trust and Allah subhanaw taala, you can take that step, you can walk with your heads up high, and you have full trust in Allah Subhana Allah the tea will change their attitude towards you. And if you get a little bit of test a little bit of challenge, be patient and almost reward you for it. Let's take a break with that said we'll be right back with more. Dr. Shay believers Sunni here on the D show.

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I started asking deeper questions. The question I want people to really ask themselves

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is when you come back from a night on the town, you've been drinking, you've been boozing, you've been dancing. You've been hanging out with girls, guys, whatever. Number one.

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Did you improve yourself as a human being?

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Number two, did you contribute anything to the betterment of humanity?

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The amazing thing is, is that the most advanced studies in psychology about human happiness show

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that these are the two key factors in making people profoundly happy. I take five minutes out of my day and prayed to the Creator, and none of the creations and I feel deep internal peace. And I still have my normal life.

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Back here on the D show with a special q&a session. And if we don't answer your questions here today, you can go to mg online, just submitted this where a group of scholars came together to help the Muslims living in America with some of the many challenges and questions they might have. Yes, and were you one of them? Yes, Mashallah.

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Okay, so I just want to spend

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Just Just a little bit more time on this question, Is that okay? Yeah, I want to ask you now, because we You said you also have friends in a similar situation and many of us do also. So now is is the brother also is this important on him? Because if he doesn't pay too much attention to this, and he lets it go, let's say he tried a little bit, he's not consistent. He's got to be merciful, nice kind. And, obviously not oppressive and whatnot, like you said, but if he's not consistent, he just gives up and then he lets the wife do what she wants. And now she's creating a fitting out there for them. Is he going to carry too soon? No, you don't carry the center? Right? Everybody

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responsible for his own actions. Okay. As long as you give the advice you give the naseeha. He told her about what would you what I lost, my daughter said is right. And, and then the end of the day, it's her call on Allah subhanaw taala will hold her accountable for her actions, but you will not be sinful for that. So what is too much? When does he like say, Okay, I told her like, say the person told her once twice? Or does it is a lifetime just continuingly advising in a nice way. You know, honey, I love you more. Can you? You know, do this, Allah will love you more. You just keep doing it. Yes, but I think the person need to work a lot on is strengthening the relationship between his

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wife and a lot. Believe me, the moment that a man would be strong, she will take that decision. She'll put that hijab on.

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You know, I was teaching a course this weekend. And here in Chicago, yeah, about shock of love. So I had three girls and the class.

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They decide to wear hijab after the class. And they said, we've been debating all these days. But hamdulillah after attending the class, basically, where the level of class for two weekends we've been coming, we'll be listening. We're ready to make that decision. We're ready now. And I was so happy, because they walk into me and one of them at least walked up to me. And she told me that very clearly said, I want to thank you, I'm now ready to put the hijab on took that decision. Now, it's like, I'm not gonna take it off. I've been putting it since I started the class. So you can see it in her eyes, that this is the right moment. She she's thinking about it for a while. But something

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hits her heart. She attended the class, she listened to advice, they diverse, maybe story, something striker, and she made that decision, sometimes to say he need to work and hair and his wife to strengthen her relationship with a lot of data. So it will be ready for that. You know, a lot of women also feel shy because as you know, when a sister where she job, she stands out in the street more than me and you and anyone else? Yes. So a lot of them. They don't like this attention in the society here. So they're scared from putting the hijab. But when you tell them no, you don't stand out and like a sore thumb or anything like that. You stand out as the most beautiful Yeah, and you

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did a lot of spected

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any one because you obey our laws that you put this because you making a declaration that I'm putting it because Allah wants me to do that. And I'm submitting myself to my lords. Yeah. And the well Can this be now we know we're tested, you know, Muslims, we're, you know, we're facing a test every day. Can this be one of the maybe biggest, you know, test that she's going through? But if she passes, he sir, comes this, that this can Outland her in paradise? Absolutely. The more things are difficult to do, and you stand up for it, and you do it, the more you're agile will be there your reward will be Allah will multiply that he worked for you. And at the same time, we know Allah is

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the most loving, the Most Merciful, he can forgive but don't you open up yourself to, you know, the anger of a love if you just continue disobeying him? Absolutely. What Why don't put myself in a position like that. It's like 5050 comedy.

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He might forgive you might not we don't know. yet. I know that even a lot of systems, they don't watch the job. And they are wonderful sister. They are good Muslims, they do a lot of good things. I don't underestimate your roles at all I have. I have in my community sister who not maybe job, the very active they contribute a lot. And we as a Muslim community, I think we should give them an opportunity to do to contribute to work. But I believe also my heart, the more she will do things to good deeds like this, she will eventually in sha Allah, it's the level that she can make that decision and one day you will be surprised. She will come and she will bring in all those people

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that many of us we fear. They're not going to be in the grave with us or they just us they're absolutely and has finished. We got one shot. So yeah, this is out of the love that we're doing because we love our sisters, don't we? We do and we want the best for absolutely hamdulillah hamdulillah. We're going to move on. We spent a little extra time because we feel this is a very, very important issue. And we want people to benefit from it. So we have people like yourself

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To help us and we're moving on to something here, the the person wants to know now they want to know about, what are some of the benefits of praying the night prayer? And what time does it start? Okay, so what time? Is it officially the night prayer? And can I do just one unit? Only? Or how many do I have to do when I pray? The night person says, you know, it's hard for me to keep my eyes open at late at night. So the benefits? And what are some of the rules of and, you know, do I just can do one unit? How many do I have to do before I go back to bed? Do I also, this one want to add? It's not part of it? But does a person actually also then they have to sleep? Many people think you have

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to sleep then wake up? Or can you just say you're up at one in the morning or 12? Does ecocenter niper? Please answer this, okay. The night prayer, which is a volunteer prayer, start after you pray Asia, start after you praying. So doesn't matter in any normal situation, the pressure on time. And after that, the night prayer time, start all the way to the federal prayer. And then when it's cold. So you have all this period, this period of time to do the night prayer, you can do it in the beginning. And you can do it in the middle, you can do it in the end of this period of time. You can do it anytime you want, anytime you want. And the way you do it as the prophets of Salaam said

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Salatu layli method, a method a night prayer is to rock to rock to rock, then you end it with one, then you end it with one.

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If a person cannot offer anything except one, that's fine, because in the visa Salam set out to do, what are you either pray with or even it is one but the best way to do three Raka the minimum This is the best way? Because he said to then you add 12233 Records, three records three years, as he said in his question, or her question, I don't know. So basically, that's the night prayer. You if you know that you can work up in the last third of the night. That will be the best time. How would you basically calculate the last third of the night, you start from the sunset to the sunrise and you look at this time divided by three. So the last third night, the last third of the night will be

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whatever time let's say it's from one o'clock all the way to five for example, or to 4am or the federal prayer comes that will be the best time to pray or night prayer the best time to pray or night prayer because the professor solemn said this is where a lot except not the drop off everyone awake at that time.

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The prophets of Salaam told about one of his companions, he is the best one. If he makes pmla if he prays in the night, you know night prayer was obligated and Muslim in the beginning of Islam, then Allah abrogate this and he made it only volunteer. Otherwise in the beginning he was obligated. Every Muslim obligated to walk up in the night and to pray. But Allah made it easy and us and only made five days five prayers obligated obligated on us.

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When you stand up beside before our last pantalla in the night, you just declaring that you love him more than anything else, more than anything that you desire, and a lot smarter. Finally, in sort of such the after he mentioned those who woke up in the night and leave the bed and they pray. He immediately said fella tada monessen mafia home in karate Aryan, Joseph Bhima, Kamiya Maroon, no one can imagine the amount of reward waiting for you.

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Because of what you used to do in this world and like what you used to offer and one of it no doubt, is offering this night prayer. So when you have like, things are getting tough and rough. This can be an antidote to your problem getting up at that one third of the night and praying. Absolutely, absolutely. No doubt. I know one sister, she she had a she's a Russian sister. Okay, she's her her husband. And a while ago, they went to rush to have her passport pictures, but she wouldn't get a job. And they said, No, we have to take off your job. And she's a new Muslim. She said, I'm not going to take out my job. And her husband told her they had a lot of trouble there. So they want to

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go back to their where they live in Dubai. So basically, her husband told her, you know what, just take the picture. She said no, I'm not taking the picture. And she said this brother was telling me a story. He she wakes me up in the night. And she said wake up. And she pray every night. He says every day we go to the passport office to do the passport. They reject us. So she wake me up and she says, Look, I was reading in the night and I come across this verse. What is it and sort of Paula Amaya tequila. Ah Allah Maharajah whoever have Taqwa worship Allah. Allah will give him an exit. She wakes me up. And she let me read this and he pray with her. He said, Well lies your next day. When I

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went to the post office. We went to the same exact officer. All sudden this general called me and he said, Come here. I see you coming every day. What do you guys have here? I said we know we have the passport. We want to renew it.

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He took it he sign it in one hour, we got the passport with a picture with the hijab and we left. That's what the MLA does. hamdulillah

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hamdulillah we're right back with more here on the deen show. When people say that the court and is irrelevant, I say how can really become irrelevant.

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Rain is just like revelation. The Quran is a living book. It's not a dead book. It's not an action book. It's a living book for all time, because God knows the past and the future. And so it's up to us as Muslims to take the verses of the court and the values and the principles to put an end to relate them to finding solutions for contemporary issues and circumstances.

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Back here on the deen show, with Dr. Shaikh will lead the Sunni, and we're gonna continue on answering some of these questions that hopefully inshallah can be a benefit. For everyone who's listening all over the globe all over the world. We're going to continue on, then we got time for one more. Okay, inshallah. Okay, the the brothers asking, he says he needs some advice on how to deal with his wife, that, you know, she's a great woman, up until that time of the month is called what is PMS? Okay. Can I say that? Yes. Is that? Okay? Yeah, you know, is that time of the month? And then, you know, it becomes like somewhat of a living hell is very difficult. He needs some

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advice. He needs some advice, what could he do should leave the house? Should he run to, you know,

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take a vacation? No, no. First of all, you have to understand that woman goes through a lot of

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cycles and difference of emotions, ups and downs, especially during her period. Basically, a lot of hormones, things going on in her body, you know, she might a little bit act differently than normal. What you need to do you need to understand this, and not to be angry or frustrated with her, and to give her room, you know, to give her a space. I don't mean by that to leave the house or anything, but you can, easily asking her what you want. Don't try to hurt her there. Maybe that time, just communicate with her talk about what she wants, what she likes. What, how can I make this period of time? Easier new? How can I be, I need to be maybe a little bit more sensitive and what I say to my

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wife during this period of time, and that's what good husbands do they just ask their wife How am I best love you and then be the best to you and the prophets of Salaam said the best among you to their family, or the best among you. So I will advise you to open a line of communication with your wife about this issue. Now on this issue when a woman is going through this is she allowed What can she do to temper this? Like, can she we know she can't pray? Alright, so this is even more difficult for her. I mean, because she read the Quran could she make Vicar What can she do? Absolutely. First of all, if she gets so nervous and angry, the prophets of Salaam told us to say Mr. Rajiv, Allah

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protect me from the Shabbat. That's one two she can make without even if she doesn't pray, this will take the anger away. Also the profits are seldom said if you're so angry, sit down. And he said if you're sitting and you're still angry, just lay down in another word, just cut the conversation. Don't involve in an argument if you're so angry, Scott it off, you know, said lay down just do something else. And also one more thing that you basically if you're so angry like this, and it's something nominal, you start making Vica loss pentatonic, even while you while you have your menses, or even reciting some of the verses of the Quran. And if it's something out of control, you might be

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a good idea for you to see a counselor and to talk to talk to her about this is is taking any prescription Xanax or any of these things that calm a person down is allowed in so this has to be through if the doctor said it's not harmful, and it's, it's good for her? Yeah, it's a lot. Okay, we're out of time. But any, I mean, we're really excited that you know, people are taking the time they want to know they want to learn absolutely seeing that the rat race of life is not giving them peace and contentment was gonna give them peace of submitting to the One God that created the heavens and earth doing Islam. So what advice do you have for those people? Now that, you know, they

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really want to change their lives? They have so many questions. Some people might have some doubts, how did they continue on this, this journey? You know, you always ask yourself, when you look around you, and you see everything exists in this world. It's for a purpose. There's a reason behind it. There is a benefit behind its existence. So I think the question that you'd have to ask yourself, what is the benefit of me being here? What's the purpose of being here? What I'm doing at

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Basically, what's the purpose of my existence in my life? I'm fulfilling this destiny or not, you know, I live in Texas, okay. And I have a neighbor who had basically a hunting dog. Yes. And he takes this hunting dog every weekend, basically to to out out of the moment and he put his truck, okay, and taking the dog basically to the to this farm or ranch, this dog in the backyard, jumping up and down and so excited. Why? Because this dog was not made to stay in the backyard of somebody's house. Yeah, this dog was made to be running in the field in urban area. So this dog so excited because he's going to meet the destiny and the purpose fulfill the purpose of his creation. You know

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what this is exactly.

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As if we don't meet the purpose of our creation. We just lucked into that in a small place in my daily life in my busy life. I didn't I'm not fulfilling what I'm created for. And the only time you get that rush, that excitement, that happiness, that basically feeling when you start fulfilling the destiny, your destiny, you fulfilling the purpose of your existence, which is to worship Allah subhanaw taala and to submit yourself to Him at that moment, Bible test different things will be completely different. Because at that moment, you met your destiny that Allah subhanaw taala that have prepared for you. Great advice. Great advice. Thank you once again Shay for being with us. My

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God Almighty Allah rewards you. Thank you. And thank you for joining us on another episode of the deen show and for our non Muslim brothers in humanity. You see how we tackle these issues? We see how we answer the questions that people have from day to day Islam is a solution for all your problems. It wasn't something that was just for back then is for today yesterday and tomorrow. And if you liked what we had to talk about here today continue to tune into the D show even you can get a free Qur'an which is the verbatim Word of God just got a call the number on the screen one 800 662 Islam and tune in here every week. Until next time, peace be unto you.