Taimiyyah Zubair – Taleem al Quran 2012 – P21 208C Tafsir Al-Rum 21

Taimiyyah Zubair
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A woman Aya T and all his signs of His miracles and color, color calm, that he created for you, meaning for you, oh people, men and fusi come from yourselves. Meaning from you human beings, Allah has created for you from human beings as Weijun spouses mates, meaning your mates your spouses are of your kind Min Jin Seco minnow or ECAM. They are of your type of your species, human beings. Men unfussy come as larger. What does it show to us that people are from each other? People are basically the same species. We are different in our maybe in our color in our languages, in our backgrounds, in our strengths. But still, we are one why because our origin is one. And remember,

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that Allah subhanaw taala created Hawa from Adam, men and fusi come as Weijun. Allah subhanaw taala did not create other martyrs, Sam from different mud, and her work from different mud. So there isn't any male species, and then a female species. No, it's all the same man and woman are from the same men and fusi come as wotja. And this is why there is no need for any rivalry between human beings, females against males or males against females. This is unnatural. This is unnatural, because Allah subhanaw taala created men and fusi come as Roger, he created spouses, men and fusi come up the same type of the same kind. And notice how it is said over here and halacha local men

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and Fossey calm as well, John, as well. John is a plural of Zuge. And what does Zoji mean? Zote is one of a pair, one of a pair, tell me something, if you go to a masjid, all right, you put your shoes on the shoe rack, and then you go inside to pray on your way out you find one shoe and you cannot find the other shoe.

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You have one shoe. And you cannot find the other shoe. That one shoe that you found. Are you going to take it home with you?

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Will you take it home with you? Why not?

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It's useless. Why is it useless? Is it because it's broken? It's ripped. Somebody cut it up? Why is it useless? Because you cannot use it. It's incomplete.

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So it's not functional anymore. Because it's incomplete. Even though it may be brand new, it may be in perfect shape. But in and of itself that one shoe is useless to you.

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Let me make this more easy for you. If you have a pair of socks, one sock gets a hole in it.

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What good is the other sock?

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What good is it?

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ceaseless? Right? My point over here is that the word marriage what does it do? It completes. It completes the human being.

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You know it's very sad that just because we have seen a marriage fall apart or we have seen that somebody is not happy in their marriage. We think marriage.

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I don't believe in marriage. Marriage. I'm not interested. Doesn't work.

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Not ready for such a commitment. I'm not ready for such a, you know so much difficulty in my life. I'm happy as I am. Now you may be happy as you are but really, the completion of a human being is with a spouse. This is why the Prophet sallallahu Sallam got married and he said that a Nika Herman Suniti. It is from my sunnah.

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So Allah subhanaw taala has created men and fusi come as well John. He has you know, when Allah created Adam and Sam, even before Allah sent Adam, really Sam to Jana? Who did Allah subhanaw taala give to Adam, who? A companion, a spouse, because with our spouse, Adam would be lonely.

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You understand? We need each other. We complete each other, we complement each other. So men and fusi come as wotja Remember Allah subhanaw taala could have created people independent of one another. But Allah subhanaw taala has created a healthy dependency amongst mankind. What is that healthy dependency that the fulfillment of one's needs are placed in who in the other so a man is incomplete without his

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wife and a wife is incomplete without her husband. The watch marriage is what completes the man. Marriage is what completes a woman. You know, sometimes we think marriage is very important for girls. No marriage is also very important for boys. Or it's the other way around. Right? So it's necessary. Or sometimes we think marriage is only for pretty girls. Marriage is only for successful boys. Marriage is only for, you know, people who are very outgoing people who are very social. No, it's for everybody. You know, the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam. I've told you the story before also, there was a Sahabi and he was physically disabled. Right? He was physically disabled.

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And the prophets on a lot of them used to show him so much love and care. That just as a joke, the Prophet sallallahu Sallam at one point he went and he grabbed him from the back and he said, who's gonna buy him from me? And what did he say that I'm so useless? Nobody's gonna want me and the Prophet sallallahu Sallam told him that no, you have value, and the Prophet sallallahu Sallam actually got him married. And this story inshallah of his marriage, we will learn in Surah Thalassa. So, we think marriage is only for certain people. No, it's the right of every human being. It is.

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We think that marriage is only for people who are successful in worldly terms, who are maybe physically healthy, physically attractive. No, it is for everybody.

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Even people who may have some kind of sickness, who may have some kind of illness, it's amazing how marriage can transform them. It can bring so much joy and happiness to them. It can really make them forget their problems.

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I'm not saying marriage is a solution to every problem in life. Okay. But what we need to understand is that marriage is a part of life. It is a part of life. And Allah subhanaw taala has created it. He hasn't just created spouses. He's also legislated marriage in the law that he has revealed. So there you go, it is created. All right, and there's shattering proof for it also, and remember that there are certain things that Allah subhanaw taala allows to happen, but it's not necessarily that he loves them. But the things which Allah subhanaw taala commands, what do we learn about those things? Allah loves them.

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So men and fusi come as virgin. So I don't want to hear anybody say again, I don't like marriage. I don't like this concept of marriage. I don't want to get married.

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While I'm in it, he and Hannah color come men and fusi come as Weijun

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why marriage Lita school no la her so that you can find sukoon to it with it towards it. So cone from second scene calf noon sukoon is to become still to become calm. Alright, it's the opposite of Holika Holika to move and second to become still and second i ILA is to take rest, all right, with something to get pleasure with something. So Letus Kuno Eliza, he has created for you spouses. Marriage has been created for what purpose for the purpose of sukoon? What does this mean then? Marriage is a means of sukoon spouse is a means of sukoon. Allah created spouses so that you can find sukoon in them.

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What does it mean then? That the Sukkot, the calmness, the pleasure, the happiness, the joy that a person gets through marriage? Can it be obtained without marriage? Seriously, we think you know, love and all of this is only for Hollywood or Bollywood. No, this love has also replace in our religion. Okay. And it's something that we need to appreciate. We need to understand and we need to appreciate because anytime love and marriage is mentioned, we think oh my god, wrong. Don't talk about it. No, it's mentioned in the Quran. Allah is telling us Lita, schooner, la ha, all right. So let's have a healthy discussion over here. Okay, so, Lita is gonna love over here is for Allah. It

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is for reason, meaning the reason why Allah created as wadge from you, is so that you can get sukoon which means that if it wasn't for this village, you would not have sukoon which means that through marriage, you get a sukoon that you cannot get without, without marriage.

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If you're hungry,

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and you say, let me sleep

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you're hungry and you say, You know what, forget I'm not going to eat anything. I'm gonna go sleep. Is that going to help you? Is your sleep going to help you? It's not going to help you. If you're thirsty, and you keep eating, which many of us

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do actually, we're actually thirsty. And what we do is we go and eat one thing, then we go eat another thing and we're like, what's wrong with me? Why am I so hungry? Why do I have all these cravings? It's simple. You're thirsty, you didn't drink water all day. Right? So if you keep eating is that going to quench your thirst?

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It's not going to quench your thirst. So we need to stop fooling ourselves. We need to be honest with ourselves, marriage is a need, it brings sukoon which cannot be obtained without marriage. Allah subhanaw taala created marriage for a certain sukoon and what is that sukoon intimacy closeness, friendship, joy, happiness, tranquility. Now, in this idea, primarily, you know, from the words of the I O, we see that primarily the addresses to men, Lita, schooner, la ha, ha, is she her? So it refers to the wife, okay? Meaning the husband finds sukoon in the wife. Now, this doesn't mean that the wife doesn't find sukoon in him. No, it's both ways. All right. Now, but here, this is

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something important that we need to understand because many women don't really understand how men work, how men function.

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Look at the word sukoon, Lita, schooner, La Jolla, which means that without the wife, the guy is in Sukwon. How is he

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restless, agitated, until he is with her until he gets to talk to her until he, you know, does a brain dump, you know, basically puts everything that's going on in his head in front of her, or vice versa also, because there are certain things that you cannot talk about, even with your friends, you cannot talk about even with your parents, you cannot talk about them, even with your cousins, right? There's a certain kind of closeness that you need with an individual so that you can share your inner feelings with them. Your deepest thoughts and your deepest beliefs with them. You can share your ideas with them, and you don't reach that level of comfort with anybody else. Again, don't get

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me wrong, don't think that I'm saying marriage is the solution to life's problems? No, it is a solution, not the ultimate solution. So don't think of it as well. I know such and such person marriage and workout for them. So what is this? No marriage can work out and it's also possible that it doesn't work out. Okay. So anyway,

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Li Tuscano La Jolla means that he is agitated he is restless until he is with her. And mind you this is not just sexual, but emotional and mental decompression also. All right. The husband needs his wife. And this is sadly many women when they read this I they're like, are we just objects of pleasure?

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Here this is seriously, it shows to us that women have been created desirable.

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Really, women have been created likable, lovable, needed. This is your feminine power. It's not your weakness. It's your feminine power. It's your feminine strength, you have been created, needed by someone you have been created such that someone is desperate for you. They need you. This is strength women have been created desirable, and there is no weakness and being desirable. And being likeable. It's a strength. So use it positively. Letus como la her?

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Marriage is meant to be a source of sukoon. And if marriage does not have sukoon in it, then how could that marriage work? You understand? If the guy is coming home after the whole day, and the wife is more angry than him? Okay, she's more upset than him. Is he going to find sukoon? There? No, if he doesn't find Sakuni in the house, he's going to try to find school in the TV. He's going to try to find sukoon in some coffee shop at night, even though drinking coffee at night is not the best idea. Right? He's going to try to find school and through socialization through other things, and it's not going to bring that soon. Remember the example I gave you earlier? If you're hungry and

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you go on drinking water, if you're sleepy and you go on eating food, it's not going to satisfy you. You're going to remain agitated, you're going to remain uncomfortable. You're going to remain angry. You're not satisfied. So Lita, schooner, Eliza. Now over here, we also see that primarily sukoon in marriage is through through the woman.

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And this is something well known that's generally the women who set the mood of the house, isn't it? So, dear women, myself included, each and every one of us needs to understand our role in the family. In the family. What is the role of a woman she is the source of sukoon

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she is the source of sukoon

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even when others are mad, yes, even when others are mad, because sometimes what happens is that we'll be happy. If others are happy.

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And if they're upset, we'll be more upset if they're moody will be even more moody. What do we understand leaders cannot really have the guy is going crazy because of what's going on at work. You'll only find so cool when he goes to,

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to her. And when he talks to her, when he spent some time with her. Lita, schooner, la ha. So a woman is meant to be the source of sukoon in the family in the household, even when others are mad, don't accept it any other way. The Prophet sallallahu sallam said, Should I not inform you about your wives in Jannah? The women in Jannah than the Sahaba said yes, and the Prophet sallallahu sallam said they are will elude why dude, okay, well lewd meaning who are children were dude meaning those who are very loving when she's angry, and she can get angry when she is angry or mistreated. Or her husband is angry with her, meaning no matter what's going on in the family. She says to her

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husband, my hand is in your hand. I will not sleep until you are happy.

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The woman sets the mood in the house.

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Even if he's angry, he's upset. He's going crazy. He stressed out. She is the one who can bring soon because she's got that feminine power. She does. She can act all happy. She can have a smile on her face. She can talk she can be herself and that will bring joy in that moment.

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Good question. She said that women are desirable likeable. How should a woman use that to her advantage? This hadith?

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Oh, seriously, if a woman holds her husband's hand and she says, I'm not going to sleep until you're happy?

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You think the husband's gonna say I'm still mad? Seriously, don't you see this in movies? Seriously, come on. All those lovey dovey moments. Right? We think love is only for Hollywood. It's only the Haram type. It's not the Haram type, romance, halal love, it's an idea. It's a miracle. You understand? It's an ISO keeping that love keeping that you know, hello, love alive. There's nothing wrong with that, in fact, it should be kept alive. So women that I T it is found his if anybody would like to answer her question, by the way, I did my part.

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You see, because the problem is that girls, you know, when they get married to like, okay, everything's gonna be perfect. And then the next day when things are not the way she dreamed off, he's not really Prince Charming, right? He's not really doing what she thought he would do. He's not really expressing his love the way she thought he would do. You know, she begins to think it's not going to work out or, you know, this is not love, and so on and so forth. We have a very negative image of marriage. Right? But you have to keep that marriage alive by bringing sukoon anybody would like to add anything here?

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Or am I the only one who has to the awkward talking? Go ahead.

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You know, sometimes women just you know how you said, like, the Hadith or something where, you know, you hold up your man's hand and say, I'm not going to sleep until you find the goon. Sometimes I think what happens is that when men come to work, women just jump on their men and want to just talk about the whole day. Okay, this is what happened. She said this, she said that, and then he's just he needs his space too. So that we, I think what we need to do is also give them the space and like, give them a mind of peace when they come home, not only does jump on them right away. Also one more thing, you know, for example, if there are two friends, and one is being very mean to the other.

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What is the other side? Find be that way. You can't do that in a marriage.

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You can do that with your friends. You can't do that in a marriage, especially the girls. She cannot do that. If she says fine, be that way. What's going to happen? He's going to be fine, I'll be my way. And this is going to create distance in the couple. It's not going to bring Sycuan in the marriage, it's going to bring really you know a cold relationship to come about. So you can never be indifferent. You have to be interested, you have to show that you care about the relationship. This relationship is important to you. It means to you.

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This is my favorite topic.

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You know what? Honestly, it's everybody's favorite topic, especially girls. But we never admit it. Yeah, go ahead. You know bring sukoon in the family. We should the girls should know their priorities. Of course education is important job is very important nowadays, education and job

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There is so much on the top priority for the girls that they think that if they got the job, they have married with the job. And you know, after marriage, I know one girl. She has the Italian concourse here. He was aware, she was good enough. When has her husband said, many has been said, first go and work now, children grown up, they're going to the school go and work. She said, No, my priorities are my children in my house. And I will survive in a less money. But my priorities are my children. Of course, they're four, five and six ages of that said she raised her children in such a way. And that's how she bring the spoon in the family. Because our priorities are not the same one

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because we don't have the knowledge. house isn't the second priority job is on the top priority education is is definitely important. But we should know what is her priorities first. And then we can bring the school lady will come at six o'clock from the job. How can it be she bring a spoon for the husband? She will be tortured for the husband. Husband has to bring the message home for her that? Yeah, I mean, even in situations where for example, a woman has to work, right? She has family obligations, you know, she's got little kids, she's got so many things that are going on. Still, don't forget your husband in the process. Don't forget him. Because if you're not, you know, on the

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same page, if you're not together, you're not going to be happy, you're going to be miserable, he's going to be miserable. And if the two of you are miserable, everybody's going to be miserable. Right?

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Smilla Salam Alikum if you feel like you want to talk back or if you feel like your husband is getting angry, my advice is just you have to remember I have to let it go because of Allah subhanaw taala Allah Who ever leave something for the sake of Allah, Allah give him something better Subhan Allah, you will see that better few hour later, maybe. So just let it go. Don't talk back. I remember the chef was him use if he was saying this woman, she called him and she said, Please tell this story. She told him the story. And she said, please share this story because I'm really sad. My husband when he was alive, she said, I used to ask him to divorce me every time divorce me whenever

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he come from work, divorce media for me one day, he was just sitting. And I was telling him divorce man, he was just sitting like this divorce me. And she was like, yelling at him. And he was not answering. He was just moving his hand like this. And then she shake his hand. What was wrong with you? Why not the person mean, then he falls down he die like that. So it's just where is a school like that? So that why sisters? So we have to remember we're gonna face Allah subhanaw taala. And your husband is your friend is don't take him like enemy or, yes, you know, a little bit of conflict and divorce, divorce, you know, indirectly not even using the divorce word, but indirectly referring

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to it. You know, you have conflicts with everybody. You don't have conflicts with your parents. Don't you ever get into a fight with your own brother, your own sister? You do? Right? But do you say to them indirectly say to them, maybe I should just, you know, cut off from you know, you don't do that on every little thing. It's a commitment. sukoon cannot be there. If both are holding each other hostage, you know, with the threat of divorce divorce, it could come.

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And I wanted to mention this earlier, that it doesn't matter what you're doing. Okay. A woman could be, you know, could be at home without any job, even maybe she's not working. She's just got, you know, one kid, three kids, whatever. But still, she could be neglecting her husband. We think that it's only women who are working or studying the deen. They're the ones who neglect their husbands. No, it's also women stay at home moms who can possibly neglect their husbands. And it's very much possible that a woman who is working a woman who is studying, she does not neglect her husband. So each one of us needs to think that in my situation, what are the priorities of my husband? What are

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the needs of my husband? What is it that is necessary for sukoon in the house?

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And that is what we need to pay attention to? I'm not saying that all the time. It's got to be perfect. Yes, there are times when laundry is not done. And the poor guy is looking all over the house for socks. You know, for clean clothes. It's possible. You are in the same boat. Right? It happens. This is part of life. This is normal. It happens. But overall, I mean, it shouldn't be a habit that every day you're running out of the house and the husband doesn't even get any breakfast. You're running out of the house and he doesn't even get any lunch. He doesn't even get any dinner. He doesn't even get any time to sit with you. sukoon as long as you know every man is different and

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has different needs. And you have to understand about him what makes him happy. And when he comes back from work, it's good to ask him how was his day and then he started talking is released so much of his stress and and you feed him you know, even it's something little a snack or so. And after that he has so much energy you can make him do anything

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Do you want

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so that's what I want to say is I kill a fader over there, Mike behind you. As the sister said, every marriage is different. And insolate Elanco. Both we read like life has trials. And all our trials, a lot of time can be the people who are around us that could be our parents or relatives, or children or husbands or in laws, whatever. So as other sister said, If we deal with our relationships for sake of Allah, and be forgive other people and be let go of things for sake of Allah, then we have more peace in our own self. Because husbands are not perfect, and a divorce has been permissible. And there is a balance. When we talk about Sycuan and Redmine Mada, and husband

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and wife being Libous to each other. This is like it's we're talking about that perfection. But ideal doesn't happen in one day. And sometime ideal never happens. It could be a struggle, like our life could be a struggle, and Allah Tala might find more ways for us to do things around it. That's what we are seeking. But if we do all the things for our children, for our families, for sake of Allah, then for everything we do, there is reward. And

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yes, it's not going to be perfect, but you have to try to make it work over there, fall and go again. But they don't have an issue. But it's like, kind of like a on the back of my mind is just that men like boys there said, Okay, you do education, and you get a job, bla bla bla, bla, then girls are said, Oh, you have to do an education. And you gotta know how to cook and clean and yada, yada, yada. And then so when my room was not cleaned, my dad's like, why aren't you cleaning your room and, and if I was a guy, he wouldn't be yelling at me as much if I was like, that's a cultural problem. I mean, there's so many guys who get houses, and they don't even know how to mow the lawn,

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how to, you know, do basic things around the house, how to hang a picture on the wall or anything like that. For everything, there is an excuse. I mean, these are things that boys need to know about. Right? You know, this is our cultural problem. Okay. And even when it comes to cooking and cleaning, they can do it. But again, we have to be a little realistic over here. Also, you know, if the woman is staying at home, for instance, and the guy is working, it's not quite fair that when he comes home, he's expected to

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do everything in the house also. Right? So both remember, marriage is about completing complementing each other. It's not about fighting with each other. It's not a means through which we are trying to show that we are better than the other, we are superior to the other. No, it's a relationship in which both are helping each other. So we need to look at marriage as a positive thing, not a negative thing. So Letus como la ha, we're Jada and he has made Boehner come between you my word Dayton. Love what Ramadan? And Mercy.

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So I have a question. I think this question, is it towards victory? Maybe we're gonna invite you in Etobicoke. One day, it's about Somali community. We have a big problem about the marriage. Yikes. So younger people. I heard they get married. And easily they can get divorced. And I don't know the problem. But I heard that some people are complaining about the parents. They saying that the children they are okay. But the problem is coming from the parent. I don't know why. Especially mothers, especially the mothers. That's what they're saying, even though I don't believe some of okay, so give us a second. Give them a second please. Okay.

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What we are studying over here is the ideal marriage, right? Because that is what we are striving towards. Okay. This doesn't mean that divorce is something evil? No, it's a way out that Allah subhanaw taala has created, right. So in many cases, divorce is something that is necessary. If two people are living together, but they don't have ciconia in that relationship, it's a means of torture for them. And it could be because of different reasons. They just don't get along with each other their preferences, their priorities in life are completely different. They're on to, you know, opposite sides completely. So, of course, if they don't get sukoon in that relationship, it's

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healthier for them to end that relationship. So divorce in itself. Remember, it's not something evil. All right. But secondly, remember that once a marriage has

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been, you know brought about, then the person must strive to improve that marriage to make it work before quitting instantly. Right. And, of course, anything that is disrupting the sukoon whether it is the interference of the family, or it is any other issue that is disrupting the sukoon in this relationship, that issue should be addressed. Right? Whether it is the parents or it is the family or it is the money or whatever it may be, it needs to be addressed. I don't want to go into details of that, because, of course, that's not the subject of this class right now. Each case is different anyway. All right. Go ahead. Last comment, and then we'll move on, because salaam aleikum, I think

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the subject that a women should bring this Akun doesn't mean that the woman should do anything, as everything else we do in life, that's important, we have to invest, and we need to invest in the relationship. And that is something we could do to invest, and find a way that a man can help. So that you don't have to do everything. So bring him support doesn't mean that you have to do everything. And that's the only way you could get a support, you have to find that middle ground, you have to find a ways to invite the other bear otherwise, there will not be support for you, or for anyone else. Secondly, exactly. Now, you know, many times we think that as women, we have to

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sacrifice a lot. Right? We have to sacrifice a lot in order to have sukoon in the family. Recently, I read this tweet by Mirza were big in which he said that to sacrifice, you must own it and get no return of any kind. There is no such thing in life. Everything has a return of some kind. So think investment. Sacrifice thinking produces arrogance, because you consider yourself to be doing a favor to others. Investment is reality, no favor, humility. So in marriage, when you're doing anything to bring sukoon in that relationship, you're not doing a favor to the other, you're actually investing in their relationship so that who benefits you and others. Right? So he does como la her were John

00:32:08 --> 00:32:10

Boehner coma with Dayton, Washington.

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And he has made between you love and mercy between who you are as in spouses, the husband and the wife, or you as a new people,

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man, mankind that Allah has created love and mercy between a couple that is married. And Allah has also created love and mercy between people, human beings. And it's amazing. between relatives, isn't there love and mercy for parents and children? Right? There is love and mercy. There should be love and mercy between siblings too.

00:32:47 --> 00:33:29

Yeah, even between you and your brother, with whom you fight all the time. There should be some level of love and mercy, tolerance and compassion. Because Allah subhanaw taala has created all of us from one origin. Right? What Giada Bina coma Dutton? Warahmatullah Now what are these words My Word and Rama Melendez from the root letters? Well, dal dal, what the right? You know, for example, if a person wants to say that I really really want I really, really wish he would say what the two were the two meaning I love I wish I really want I deeply desire and from this is the word mawatha. From the same root the word what dude is actually used for a mare meaning a female horse that puts

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forth all her power for running.

00:33:33 --> 00:34:01

So just imagine a horse that's putting in all our power. For what? For running. This is Molad love that makes you wish the best for the beloved, that makes you strive for the beloved. So there is an element of sacrifice rather investment. Right? And mawatha Remember, it's used for a Harley, Salma habba real, genuine love.

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It's not selfish love.

00:34:05 --> 00:34:17

I like I want, right. I like his looks. I like his money. I like his car. I like his this I like his that this is all about who he Oh,

00:34:18 --> 00:34:56

it's selfish. mawatha is such love that makes you makes you run that makes you do something. It's not just, you know a crush on somebody. It's not just you know, falling in love with their looks. It's real, genuine love. So he has placed between you husband and wife, love and mercy Rama what is Rama compassion pity kindness, tender feeling in Neffe Valley killer AR to the economy at a karoun Indeed in that are Signs for people who give thoughts. So do the fucker

00:34:57 --> 00:34:59

reflect on this bond of men?

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Ah, now

00:35:02 --> 00:35:07

sukoon mawatha And Rama, three things are mentioned over here.

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And notice how it is said, What genre Allah has created love and mercy between the two. Some say Some scholars say that mawatha is found in women. And Rama is found in men

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that women are very loving.

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Right? That just like that horse, that she will wake up in the morning when the husband is sleeping, and she'll go down and cook and clean and everything, and Desmond is taking it easy, right? What is making her do everything, so much investment in the family, you know, she's sacrificing her career, she's sacrificing her, you know, time with her friends. So that because she's investing in the family. This is my word, the on the part of the woman. And they said that Rama is in men, how he goes and makes all the money, and yet he's her chauffeur, and he's the one who's making the money and spending all the money on her basically. No, honestly, we think about it. Just imagine a man

00:36:06 --> 00:36:15

gets a paycheck, right? He's looking at all those 1000s of dollars or hundreds of dollars. And then where's it gonna go? This is gonna pay the rent this month.

00:36:17 --> 00:36:26

Honestly, I think it's such a big deal. Can you imagine a big chunk of your income is going in what?

00:36:27 --> 00:36:28

paying rent?

00:36:29 --> 00:36:30

For who?

00:36:31 --> 00:36:52

For who? For the family, which houses it? The house that the wife likes? That she approved off? A big chunk of his earnings is going in what? Her clothes, her fashion, her shopping? Right? You know, she wants to travel, she wants to go different places she wants to eat out.

00:36:53 --> 00:37:39

This is a big deal. If it wasn't for the mercy, compassion and kindness that men had for their wives. They wouldn't give a penny they wouldn't give $1. Really they wouldn't. Because it's not easy to part with your money. It's not easy to spend your money on others all the time. But what do men do? Basically, they're spending their money on who? On their families. So acknowledge that appreciate that. Now, this doesn't mean that women don't have Rama and men don't have mawatha. No, this is just one interpretation. It could be in both. Right? So what John Boehner coma, what data Rama, this love and mercy that exists between a couple. This is an idea. Because Allah subhanaw

00:37:39 --> 00:37:57

taala has made this bond of marriage, not just for sexual satisfaction, not just as a means of procreation, but also love and affection, kindness and care, comfort and security. And these are all essentials of a marriage essentials in a marriage for a marriage to work.

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And also what gyla He has put, what does it mean that Allah puts Melinda and Rama between a couple? Allah puts it because it's possible the two people are married and they have no love for each other. They show no mercy to each other. Why? Because they have been deprived of love and mercy. Allah did not give it to them.

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So if you find love and mercy missing in your marriage as cool Allah because what Jah Allah only He can give

00:38:31 --> 00:38:39

you know, it's very much possible that two people were deeply in love with each other and then when they got married, everything fell apart they hated each other. That love turned into eight

00:38:40 --> 00:39:08

right so what John have been in a coma with that and what somebody wants told me that this is Allah's gift to a couple, when this contract is made between these two individuals, marriage in the Name of Allah, right, making Allah witness. Then Allah subhanaw taala has gift to the couple is love and mercy. But it is up to us to retain that love and mercy. It is up to us to nurture that love and mercy or we can discard it.

00:39:09 --> 00:39:17

But we have to try to keep that mawatha And Rama alive in marriage. Look at the Sunnah of the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam.

00:39:18 --> 00:39:35

As what he said, I asked I shuttled below her and her What did the Prophet salallahu Salam used to do in his family? She said he used to serve his family. When it was time for prayer, he would go out to pray. Now generally when we hear this hadith, we're like see, men also need to do something.

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But before we start demanding from the other, let's think about what we have to do. Allah's help is with who with more sin. So be a more sin in your house, be a more sin in the family. Sometimes you might be the one who always has to do the groceries. And you might feel that it's unfair. You are the one who has to pick and drop

00:40:00 --> 00:40:36

The kids you might feel that it's unfair, you are the one who has to clean the house, you might feel that it's unfair, but do it with your son for the sake of Allah and the other will also start helping out. The Prophet salallahu Salam said that the best of you are those who are best to their families. So the men also have to do their part, right. But this is a class in which we are all women. So this is why I'm going to talk about things that we kind of have to work on. I should have low on her, she said that I would drink water, or from a cup, and I would be menstruating. So basically, she narrative is heavy is to show that when a woman is menstruating, her body doesn't

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become impure. So she said that I would drink. And then I would hand the cup to the Prophet sallallahu sallam, and he would put his mouth where mine had been. Meaning he would drink from the same place. All right. And then he would drink I would eat meat from a bone. And when I would be done, I would pass the bone to the Prophet salallahu Salam, and he would eat meat from the same place that I had eaten from. This is love. Seriously, it's love.

00:41:05 --> 00:41:07

Real love mawatha

00:41:08 --> 00:41:14

True love, actual love. And we see this and the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, what do we do?

00:41:16 --> 00:41:17

Let's not get there.

00:41:18 --> 00:41:56

Okay, In another Hadith, we learned that once the Prophet salallahu Salam came back from the pier from the graveyard of both here and I should have the lower and has said that I had a headache at that time. And I was saying oh my head oh my head. Have you ever heard somebody complaining like that? Oh, my back. Oh, my knees? How? Especially if you ask somebody to mow the lawn or you know, clean the driveway? Or do something in the house move some furniture then maybe you'll hear such statements. Oh, my head Oh, my back Oh my this oh my that. What do we do? Pretend like we didn't hear?

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Because that would mean I have to broom that would mean I'm do the laundry. So pretend that you didn't hear anything. Right?

00:42:04 --> 00:42:12

I showed a little Anna is saying oh my head and the Prophet sallallahu sallam said, I should say, oh my head show

00:42:13 --> 00:42:20

that you're in pain because of your headache? No, no, I'm in pain to see you in a headache. To see you having a headache.

00:42:22 --> 00:42:24

Yes, all

00:42:25 --> 00:42:26

this is love.

00:42:27 --> 00:42:53

You see, physical expression of love. Right? verbal expression of love. This is necessary. And the Prophet sallallahu sallam said, then I shall. It won't matter if you were to die before me. Because I will take care of you. I would do the hosel and I would trout you put the coffin, and I would offer the funeral prayer for you. And I would bury you myself.

00:42:54 --> 00:43:00

You might say that talking about death. Yeah, because death is real. It's going to happen.

00:43:01 --> 00:43:05

This is again showing with words. I care about you. I love you.

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And if you die in my lifetime, you don't need to worry at all because I'll take care of everything. Commitment.

00:43:14 --> 00:43:39

In another Hadith we learned that I showed the lower on her she said that once a necklace of mine fell at a certain place while we were traveling. And the Prophet sallallahu sallam, he made his camel kneel and He dismounted why so that everybody could go in search for the necklace off. I should have Allah horn. And then what happened? Everybody's looking for the necklace, and the Prophet sallallahu Sallam he was tired so he put his head on I should have the logo on his lap and he fell asleep.

00:43:40 --> 00:43:46

Imagine he's not mad here. He's not upset here that how could you lose a necklace? How could you be so careless?

00:43:47 --> 00:43:54

Right. He acknowledges that got lost got lost. Okay, people are looking, let me take it out. And where does he put his head?

00:43:55 --> 00:44:06

In the lap of I shall blow on her. This is love right? That I love you despite your silliness, despite your carelessness, I still love you.

00:44:07 --> 00:44:44

And what happened? Have a bucket of the Lauren who he came and he hit I should have the lower father right father is different. Father has to discipline the child. So he was upset with her that how could you be so careless? You lost a necklace and now everybody's waiting. Everybody's getting delayed because of you. And I showed the low on her said I kept still as death because of the position of the messenger of allah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, meaning I didn't move. I was as if I was dead. I didn't move even though I got hurt. She could have screamed at that time. You know, she could have started crying. She could have had the prophets of Allah doesn't wake up and defend her.

00:44:45 --> 00:44:59

Like girls generally do. Right dad? That so and so is not listening to me. Can you get that done for me? Right? Or the other way around? But look at Aisha blow on her. She's so careful about the profits of a loss but she doesn't move

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Mundo she's hurt. Why? Because she wants the Prophet salallahu salam to get some rest. This is love. In another Hadith we learned and has been Mallika below and who said that the Prophet sallallahu Sallam came to his wives and own salon was with them. And I'm Joshua, the staff of the Prophet sallallahu sallam was driving the camels so basically the wives profit or loss and we're on camels and Anisha, the slave of the Prophet sallallahu sallam, he was driving the camels, he was making the camels move. And he was making the camels move, walk really fast. Okay, so what happened? The Prophet sallallahu sallam said, Oh, and Joshua, drive the glass vessels gently. So he's referring to

00:45:40 --> 00:45:46

the wives as glass vessels, to be careful. Gentle.

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So, again, this shows love. What jar Allah Boehner calm, ma datain, water, mutton, Allah has created love and mercy between the couple. keep that alive. retain it, make it grow. Don't destroy it.

00:46:08 --> 00:46:11

Somebody said, Nick Hungee to a coli.

00:46:12 --> 00:46:57

Yeah. Righteous, then there'll be together. And love will put to good love between each other. I have two brothers. I have many brothers, seven brothers, one of the brothers who is a less conscious when we're the wife books, foods, he's still waiting on the table and wife to come. When he comes. She put first muscle in her mouth and says Aquila, and then they start food, the other brother, so what have you, what have you got? So no, unless consciousness is very important, of course. Alright, notice over here now, three things are mentioned sukoon mawatha. Rama, right. Now, sometimes in some marriages, sukoon is what keeps the marriage together. Right? In other marriages, Mullah love is

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what keeps the marriage together.

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And in other marriages, there's neither sukoon nor is there mawatha There's just simple, pure pity for the other.

00:47:08 --> 00:47:09


00:47:10 --> 00:47:13

even that can keep a marriage together. It can

00:47:14 --> 00:47:25

what jolla Bina Komaba Dayton Warahmatullah. So look for these three things, because this is what keeps marriage together. Now, in this is basically, what is it that we are being told

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that this love mercy sukoon this marriage, in love between couples, this is a miracle.

00:47:35 --> 00:47:47

It is a miracle and seriously it is because two people who don't know about each other at all. They just meet once families introduce them. And then what happens marriage and then

00:47:48 --> 00:48:03

lovers seriously committed to that marriage. This is really a miracle. Like I mentioned to you earlier that Allah subhanaw taala has put these tender feelings within a couple because it's a human need.

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It's a human need. Marriage is not just for the purpose of sexual pleasure. It's not just for the purpose of having a family. It is for love, friendship, compassion, kindness, tenderness, all of these feelings which are essential for good health.

00:48:20 --> 00:48:28

Anyway, let's listen to the recitation. Well, I mean, delete and follow Paula

00:48:30 --> 00:48:35

Fujichrome as well John liter school Oh.

00:48:37 --> 00:48:38

Gianna Bina.

00:48:42 --> 00:48:44

In the feed

00:48:47 --> 00:48:51

me go

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