Taimiyyah Zubair – Taleem al Quran 2012 – P05 057E Tafsir Al-Nisa 34-35

Taimiyyah Zubair
AI: Summary © The segment discusses the negative impact of behavior on a woman who shows harsh behavior towards her husband. She is causing problems for her husband and is leading to problems for her partner. The segment emphasizes the importance of discipline and avoiding abuse, as it is not a problem for everyone. The speaker also emphasizes the need for men to be aware of their emotions and actions and to be aware of their emotions and actions. The importance of finding a way to avoid mistakes and stay out of problems is also emphasized.
AI: Transcript ©
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But sometimes it happens that things are not working out the way they should. So for example, a man is fulfilling his duty being the leader, and the woman is not listening. The husband expects her to cook expects her to obey Him in matters that are conventional, but she doesn't listen at all.

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So in that case, how to discipline such a woman? Divorce, the husband says, I want you to wear hijab, she doesn't know.

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So, okay.

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That's what should happen. Jasmine says, I don't want you talking to your mother for half an hour every day. No, my mother, she gave birth to me, she raised me. She made me who I am. And here you are telling me not to talk to my mother for half an hour? How dare you say that? So he says, Okay, fine. Follow

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the law is what should happen? No problems happen. There has to be a way of fixing the problem. Now one case has been given over here. And this is like an extreme case, which is that we're Latty and those women who the half owner you fear the half owner from health that you fear and no shows the Hoonah their arrogance, new shoes from the old letters known Chang ze new shoes means it defer

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to rise up. There's one as here, the wife is here. And the shoes is sheer rises up. Okay. So for example, the husband says, Did you cook for me? Did you cook any food? No. Go get your food yourself. And the husband says but you know, I've been working all day and I'm hungry. What do I eat? I don't know. Go find it yourself. You see what I mean? With every rule blunt statement. She is trying to be haughty and mighty and arrogant. Like, do you see what I mean? This is what my issues is, with every argument. You know, she is yelling at him disobeying him refusing to comply. You know, for example, if the husband says, How come you don't cook?

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And she says, Well, how come you don't build houses and build machines?

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A woman might present this logic

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and some women do

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that how come you don't farm? How come you don't irrigate? How come you don't produce the food yourself? Then why do you expect me to cook all night presents such logic and some women do unfortunately. Right? So no shoes and remember that no shoes is not just slight arrogance, slight disobedience. But this is like an extreme level, let in every matter. And this is disobedience with arrogance, that when a woman looks down on her husband, humiliates him, insults him refuses to obey belittled him, you know, she has a condescending attitude, treats him like nothing doesn't give any respect to him. And in particular, new shoes is that offer Amma Yeji boo, to rise up above that,

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which is obligatory. So some things are obligated upon the woman. And when She rises up above them, meaning refuses to comply, then that is issues. So for example, when it comes to let's say, the relationship between husband and wife, right, intimate relationship, the wife doesn't listen at all. She doesn't comply at all. The husband's desperate and she's like, I don't care, whatever. Right? I'm just giving an example that this happens with people. So she is violating marital duties, she treats him ill, she is cruel, she's unkind, she's unfair. She's become into an evil companion. The drama queen, always showing anger, always angry, always moody, this is what he chooses. And the the

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husband dares to speak up, she shuts him off. He tries to bring a problem to the table and she becomes very furious. He tries to tell her something and she walks out of the house, she drives away, you know, the husband's a little upset and she says fine, and she takes the kids with them and disappears, happens, right takes a flight to another country. This is what she was is. You see what I mean? So when a woman is acting up like this, and by the way, the such behavior suit a woman, a woman is supposed to be nurturing and loving. Right? And soft, that when other people are upset, she calms them down to see what I mean. This is how a woman should be. But if she is acting the exact

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opposite way that where she's supposed to be loving, she is being harsh and rude. Where she's supposed to be someone coming other people down. She is flaring them up when she is behaving like this. Very arrogantly. You can say, you know, like when someone's very harsh and mean and rude. How would you describe them?

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Evil a witch. Okay. So when she's behaving like that, okay,

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Then how are you supposed to discipline her? You have to discipline her right? So Allah subhanaw taala says faerie Luna. So talk to them. First of all, very low from wild Well, rain Well, while they do advise, to speak to someone in a manner that is very effective that their heart is affected the listen so far eluna. So first of all, the first step is, talk to them, communicate with them, advise them, communicate your concerns with them, talk to them nicely, so that it actually has an impact on them. All right, because sometimes women, they may be upset at heart about something. And they're not able to communicate properly, when they're not able to communicate properly. They hold

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up those ill feelings inside. And when they're bottled up for so long, eventually they erupt. And have they erupt by being nasty towards her husband, not listening to him rebelling. This is what happens. So in this situation, the husband needs to sit down with her and have a chat. What's bothering you? What's the matter? Am I missing something? Is there something I'm not doing? Is there a reason why you're behaving like this?

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Many times women, they love to talk. Okay, some women don't. But other women, typically women love to talk. So when you talk to them, you make them talk, you have a conversation with them, then what happens? They tell you about how they're feeling. And then finally, the husband gets it that oh, this is what's bothering her. This is the reason. All right. So the problem is solved.

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Many times it happens that men are already facing such harsh treatment in the outside world. And when they come home, they see a woman who's acting like a witch, like really, it's gonna bother them. Okay. And many times when person is angry, then it's not because of what the other person has done. It's because of what has happened with you. So for example, women are being very impatient with their children. Why? Because of the children being disobedient? No, because she's hurting. Because she's really tired. She wants a nap. So this is the reason why everything bothers her. And she starts yelling at them when every little thing. All right. So this is the reason why it's

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necessary to communicate. So after communication, many problems are solved. Things go back to normal. But sometimes the problem is deeper. The woman still does not listen. It's not about the husband falling short in his duties. So she has communicated her concerns and then he fixes a problem. No, the problem is deeper. You know, she doesn't listen. Sometimes you advise people and they listen, so she doesn't listen at all. If he tries to have a conversation with her, she yells at him. She insults him, she curses him. Right. And she accuses him falsely. She doesn't listen at all. Nothing is effective. Then what should the husband get angry and worked up and leave the house and

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separate from her? Yeah. What he should do is what do ruhuna FINMA Barger Why do you wanna hurt Jira, Hydra to leave. So leave them. Phil, Nevada, in the sleeping places Medallia plural of mantra bed. So basically, don't sleep with them. In other words, when it comes to nighttime, don't sleep in the bedroom, go sleep on the couch. Okay? Or tell the wife she's not allowed to come to the room? Do you see what I mean? So, when this happens, a woman has kind of shaken up that I really hurt him. I really offended him. I should not have said what I said.

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Because when women get angry, sometimes they say the most terrible things. The most terrible things I've ever heard women arguing with one another, the whole load up with 11 other kinds of things. They say like, oh my god, what are you saying? The kind of words expressions, they use the kinds of things they accuse each other off, and they go on and on and on and on and on. They just don't stop. So imagine if a woman has spoken to her husband like that, and he is offended. And he shows that he is offended, Then is she gonna get it? She's gonna get it. And then she'll go and I'm so sorry, I shouldn't have said that. Or you know, I'm just really worked up. I'm sorry. Please forgive me.

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Okay, problem solved.

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But sometimes she's like, You know what?

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I don't care. sleep on the couch. Go ahead.

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You come back himself. And he doesn't come back. Where she says, You know what, I don't care. You don't come home. I don't come home either.

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I'm leaving, and she leaves.

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Do you see what I mean? So sometimes, some women don't care. Even at this point. The problem is aggravated. The husband is trying to solve the problem. And she's trying to aggravate the problem.

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If she is behaving like this, now, the husband being the Kawan he has to save the family. He has children. He has a wife. He wants to save the family. He

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has to save their family. Because divorce Yes, it's an option. But there are many repercussions, right? Many effects on the children on the entire family. It's not easy. It's very difficult. So he has to solve the problem somehow. So when it gets really worse, the woman is not complying at all. That one last step he's allowed to take. Okay, and this is the last step, not the first step. The last one, and what is that? Well, three blue one. Strike them beat them up until the euro, you knock some sense into them? Yeah. Is this what it means? Hit them with a bat or something a baseball bat, so that their teeth are broken and do their bruised all over and push them to that they're bleeding

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and pull out their hair and block them in the house? Yeah, this is what it means. Well, three boots on the head them until you're satisfied and heart. Yeah, no. Remember, there are two kinds of BB two kinds of hitting. And by the way, what three Bona here means it, it doesn't mean travel doesn't mean any other new meaning that people are coming up with, okay? Because the meaning of the verb only changes when there are other prepositions around the word like Iran or fie. But you see that the word blood has come by itself and in the Arabic language, the word love by itself means hit. Okay. So what do we woohoo now? What does it mean by this? Like I said, there are two kinds of verb, what

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kind of hitting? Is that what you do to satisfy yourself?

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That you hit someone so that anger, the frustration that you have in your heart that is satisfied?

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Okay, it's like a release of your energy.

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Is there any limit to this?

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Is there a limit to this? No.

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Because if you're hitting someone to get that anger out of you, you can stop nowhere, you will hit and hit and hit and never be satisfied. Right? Which is why when people are boxing, even though they're bleeding, they will still go on boxing away.

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All right. Why? Because it's that inner drive to win. Okay, so that has no limit to it.

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The second type of striking is for the purpose of disciplining the other.

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It is for the purpose of discipline,

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to send a message across to wake the other person up.

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All right. And this is accomplished by

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even this. Sorry.

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Even a nudge, even a slight pinch, I wouldn't do that. Okay. Even a firm grasp that when somebody's yelling, yelling, yelling, you just hold their arm. And you shake them up, you're like, What are you doing? What are you seeing? Calm down, relax, for God's sake. hear yourself? Do you see what I mean? So like, you are just holding their arm very firmly, and you are shaking them slightly. This is going to shake them.

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You know, like, if your mom ever strikes you a little on your back. Or if you're doing something dumb, and she comes in hits you on your hand, just a little, it's going to shake you isn't it, it's going to wake you up, you're really going to be shaken up, it's going to really put some sense into you, you know that anger and that emotion that you heard it's eventually going to go away. So one type of verb is for a draw. And the other kind of verb is for is

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one hitting is for hurting the other. The other kind of hitting is for disciplining the other. What kind of hitting is meant over here. The second one, to discipline to correct to reform.

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All right. And remember that this is not

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in every case, but only in the case of extremely shoes, after trying everything. This is the last resort. And this does not mean abuse. The difference between the hitting, which is for discipline and the hitting, which is for hurting the other is abuse, meaning there's abuse happening. If the woman is being hit to the point that she's bruised to the point that she's physically injured, then that was not for Islam. Remember that so that the husband could release his anger. And that is something that's not acceptable. The husband is not allowed to hit the woman to release his own anger. No, he's allowed to hit the woman only to discipline her. This is just like children. I mean,

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some people they hit their children like anything. And other people, they don't hit their children at all. But sometimes when the child is not listening at all, constantly touching what they're not supposed to touch

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Let's say the father says, Show me your hands, show me your hands, take it out. And then, you know, with his two fingers, he beats his, you know, his hand, for example, the child will be shaken up. And it's only with two fingers that he snapped his hand. All right? It's basically a very harsh bat. Right? So is it gonna send the message across? Yes. But if the child is pushed, and he falls, and he gets hurt, is this discipline? No, this is the parent trying to take up their frustration. So what label would know means the permission to strike for the purpose of discipline, not abuse.

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Now, many people, they don't like this. Why? Why have the men been allowed to do this? You know, because many men take advantage of this. And they're like, You see, the Quran has beat the women. So here I am beating my wife, don't stop me. I'm obeying Allah. They misuse this verse. And they abused women as a result, for the women are hurt. So this is why many people don't like this.

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But there are many commands that Allah subhanaw taala has given in his law, and people abused the law. This is not just with the book of Allah. This is what every law that exists on this planet. Do people abuse the law all the time? People who want to fulfill their desires, they will find a way to manipulate the law in their favor, to misuse the law in their favor. So there are people who do that. But for those people who do it properly, should they not be given the allowance that they can actually save their family? Yes. Should they not be given some kind of right? To save their family to save their household? Yes, there is a woman doesn't care, the husband cares, and he wants to save

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the family. So he should be given the right now, the scholars then interpreted this thought of as, for example, some scholars said that a man is only allowed to strike her with a handkerchief, like a small piece of cloth. And he just like, for example, like a scarf, and you just go like this to the other person. This is what they interpreted load of S, or the set A C whack, like a toothbrush. Like for example, you're holding it in your hand and you're like, you know, on the arm, what are you saying? What are you doing?

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Here yourself, you know, like he strikes with the toothbrush, for example, or like a scarf that is like a shawl or something. So this is what they allowed? And the Prophet salallahu Salam? Did he appreciate this? Did he like this, that people should hit their wives? No, he did not. The Prophet salallahu Salam once he said, How could any of you beat his wife, as he would be the slave? And then lie with her in the evening? And how can you do that? How can you hit your wife? It was something that he could not understand. How can you? It doesn't make sense?

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How can you hit your wife, like you will hit a slave, and then in the evening, lie down with her. I mean, this doesn't make any sense. She's your wife respect her. Don't do this. And we learned that Uncle Tom, she said that when the men were completely forbidden to strike their wives, because initially, they were completely forbidden. But a woman came to the Prophet salallahu Salam, and she says, My husband beat me. He said, go beat him. Okay, I mean, this was done. And then as she was going, the province that allows them stopped her because if she went and beat him, what would happen? She'd be beaten even more. All right. So anyway, initially, the men were completely

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forbidden from striking their wives, they were not allowed to do that at all. So the men came and complained to the Prophet salallahu Salam, they said, since this restriction was placed on us, our women are getting out of control. They're not listening to us at all. You know, we try to ignore them. We try to talk to them and they become even more rebellious. They're not listening to us in when we're in every culture, there are different ways of disciplining, right. So it wasn't working for them. So then the prophets are allowed isn't allowed them to strike. But he said, well, as Reba here recall,

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that the good ones among you, they'll never hit their wives. So the description of a good husband of a good man is what that he will never hit his wife. He will never do that. And we see that the Prophet saw a lot of sudden he never hit his wife. You know, once I should have lower and if I'm not mistaken, it was when she lost her necklace or something and the entire Muslim army had to stay behind something like that happened. So the prophets have a lot of times that everybody has to wait because we can't go right now. Everybody has to wait. So the whole caravan was stopped because of our shuttle delivery. Okay. And the prophets of Allah Islam lie down, he was having an affair, and

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Abu Bakar Villa and who the father of Aisha, Liliana he came in and he like pinched her or something like because he was angry at her that how can you be so respond to look at all the damage that you've caused? The prophets of Allah Islam, he was so lenient with his wife, and it's okay, we'll wait no problem. Father is getting upset. The profits that allows him the husband is not so we're laying your approval here. Okay.

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The best of you will never hit your wives. And this is a reality. Those people who hit their wives or model that or I knew, he said, you will find that they are not good people. Those people who hit their wives who miss us, this is on every little thing. They go and hit their wives. He said, you will find that they are not good people. They're not good towards their families are not good towards their co workers. They're not good people in general, because a person does not have such control to restrain his hand from hurting the other, how can you be a good person he cannot be. So yes, this allowance has been given. But it is not in every case. Okay, it's only in a severe case.

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And on the other hand, we should remember that if a woman is suffering from abuse, she should never stand that abuse. Do not stand abuse if you are the victim. Because if the husband is abusive, there has to be a problem. He needs some anger management tips, maybe there's something wrong with him psychologically, mentally, emotionally, he may be experiencing some problem. And if you're bearing all that abuse, just because you're supposed to be obedient and humble. And just because you want to save your family. And just because you don't want other people to think bad of your husband, this is not correct. The prophets on a lot of them said help your brother, whether he is the one who's being

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oppressed or the oppressor. So if the husband is abusive, please stand up and seek help. This is not good for you, not good for your husband, not good for your children. I mean, this is incorrect. The the children have to see their mother being abused by the Father. This is unfair.

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This is unfair. You know, in the Quran, we learned that those people who when they're oppressed in tussle, they defend themselves the standard for justice. So you cannot take abuse, just because you say I'm a woman, and I have children. And I don't want people to think badly of my husband know, if there is abuse, it has to stop.

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Unfortunately, many women think that as a Muslim, you have to accept this abuse. And that if you press any charges against your husband, because he has been abusive in the relationship, you think you're gonna go to *, you're not in sha Allah, Allah will protect you, you're standing up for justice, you're defending yourself, and you're supposed to defend yourself. And if someone is being abusive towards you, tomorrow, they will be abusive towards others. Today, they're hitting you tomorrow, they will be hitting their children. This is not right. And we see that where violin people are not disciplined, then their violence doesn't just stay limited to them, or limited to

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certain individuals, and they go on hurting many more people, many more innocent people.

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So this violence has to stop.

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That the longer you stay in the situation, the deeper you go into the problems, and you put yourself in difficulty you put your children in difficulty, you put your husband and more difficulty that he will get used to domestic violence, when the mother is being abused to children or to get abused. So speak up. And it doesn't mean that speak up as and start being abusive towards your husband and argue with him. Just say that we're gonna call the police.

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Or sometimes do that. I've seen couples where the husband is being abusive to the wife, and the wife just called the police once, just once, on the advice of certain Imams. And their husbands, you know, they became fine afterwards, because they were restricted from being close to the house even for a certain period of time. And then later on, they became more responsible husbands, and sometimes doesn't mean that you have to call the police go speak to the father of that man. If he's not around, go speak to someone who they will listen to. And if there's nobody around like that, then you need help. Because this is incorrect, you should not stand abuse. Many children who see

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domestic violence in their own houses, who grow up seeing such things, they develop problems later in life, whether it is in their own relationships, or it is in their work or in their career, or even in their emotional their psychological state. You know, when you see something a lot, then it becomes normal to you. So when you see violence a lot and violence becomes normal to you. You see that the Father is not respectful towards the mother, that obviously you don't have to be respectful towards your sister, and you don't have to be respectful towards your neighbor, you don't have to be respectful towards your mother. If your father doesn't respect your Mother, why should you respect

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your mother? So it leads to many problems.

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So there are many consequences of this. So if a woman is suffering from abuse, what is the responsibility that she should seek help seeking help doesn't mean she should file for divorce immediately. Nor does it mean that you know call the cops immediately. It means doing something to stop the husband from doing what he's doing. Whether it is talking to the parents or talking to his parents or talking to an uncle or a family friend, or someone get help because this is not right. And so men that develop certain

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problems because of which they become abusive to their wives. So, this is the reason why it should not be tolerated. And secondly, also remember that emotional abuse, this is also something that we should be careful about. We should be conscious about because some people, they don't physically abuse others, but they emotionally abuse others. So even that does one should not do. Likewise, the wife should not do that to the husband, right? And if that's happening, then help is needed.

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For in authority to come Allah says then if they obey you, meaning if the women obey you, for example, you spoke to them, they get it, they don't rebel anymore, or you ignored them for two days and then they get it and they listen to you. Or you ship them once you know, you pinch them or you firmly grasp their arm or you struck them with your toothbrush or something like that. And they listen to you. Then Allah says Fela taboo or LA hiddenness of Isla do not find a way against them. Meaning do not seek ways to harm them. That on every little thing, if the food is not ready on time, he goes in, hits. He goes on pushes her. If the laundry is not done, he's yelling at her. You know

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he is ignoring her because she did not call him or she did not do what he asked her to do. On every little thing is finding ways to hurt her. Allah says no philanthropist who are leanness Avila. If this is the case, then do you think any room for violence against women? Not at all, there is no room for it at all? And remember that in Allah can our leagan Kabira indeed Allah is ever i Li and curries? Are they from our inland? Well, were you what does the Remove mean height. So I leave one who is very high, high above others can be great. So you think yourself as very powerful and strong and higher than your wife and greater than your wife. And because of that you hit her, and you yell

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at her physically abused her emotionally abused her and every little thing you're getting after her life, then remember that there's someone who is greater than you, someone who is above you, someone who has power over you.

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And this is something that everyone should remember that when we are being oppressive towards those who cannot speak for themselves. Then there is someone who is greater than us. Sometimes women treat their children in a very harsh way. They hit them, they beat them, they yell at them and every little thing, what should they remember that Allah is above them? Sometimes the husband is abusive towards the wife, what should you remember that Allah is greater than Him? In the law? Can our leagan Kabira. And imagine

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if the way you treat your children, someone else starts treating you.

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If the way a husband treats his wife, someone else starts treating him that way. How would you feel?

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You know, like sometimes, for example, a mother forces our child to do something he does not want to do.

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You know, sometimes, a woman wants that a child should eat a certain amount of food, okay? Now, sometimes there may be a reason that physical health or whatever, there may be reasons that the child has to eat, otherwise, his health is being affected. But the other is that you just want that whatever food you've poured, he has to finish it, she has to finish it, or the child stops you force feed the child force feed the child. If you do that, just imagine if someone was forcing something into your mouth. How would you feel something you don't want and somebody is forcing it into your mouth? How would you feel? You know, it really scares me like sometimes there's leftover food, my

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children on eating, I wish that somehow I could put it inside of them. And I stopped there. I give up there. I just can't do it. It really reminds me of the verses about hellfire, that how boiling hot water and the cool people will eat. They'll be forced some taboo that I will compel him to a severe punishment. Imagine if Allah held you accountable for the injustice that you're committing against those who cannot stand up against you? What could you do?

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If a little child cannot resist you? How can you resist the power of Allah?

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How can you in the luck and are legion Camila, so person must remain fearful of Allah that Allah still has authority over me. I am going back to him I'm answerable to him.

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We're in Clifton, and if you feared now the family is being addressed. Right? Like the close relatives the parents of the husband and wife, their siblings. So if you fear Chicago by any human should talk dissension division between them to between who to the husband and the wife Chicago is from shock shock is to break apart. So you see that there are two the husband and the wife are breaking apart. That's not working out their relationship is not working. You know one day that has been as being abusive and the next day the wife is joining the shoes and is

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is a vicious cycle it's been going on and on, they don't respect each other the children are suffering, the family is suffering they have to year horrible conversations all the time, they have to witness so many wrong things. So when you fear this Yukako by Nima, then what is the responsibility of the family that they have to interfere? They have to step in to solve the problem between the husband and wife. Like, for example, because the man is the one, he is supposed to save the relationship. But if he turns against the woman, instead of saving the relationship, he's ruining the relationship. What can the wife do? To see what I mean? Because in the previous what has

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been mentioned how to discipline the wife, but what if the husband needs to be disciplined? Can the wife discipline the husband

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can avoid discipline the husband, she can hot, she's not able to write, the husband can say you're not going anywhere very powerfully in the wife gets scared, and she doesn't go, for example. But if the Wi Fi just uh, you're not going anywhere, what it says we're going to do, whatever, you're right, stop me, dear. Do something. Go ahead. Alright, can the wife do anything? She can't. So in this case where the husband needs to be disciplined, or he's trying to discipline the wife, and it's not working out, and other people need to step in to solve their problem, because they're not able to solve it themselves. And how will that be done? Allah says febrace, who then appoint from birth,

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appoint to Hackerman,

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a judge an arbitrator mean, at least from his family? Well, how common and a judge mean earlier from her family. So one person from the husband's family and another person from the wife's family, so one person on behalf of the husband, and another person on behalf of the wife, they will step in? So for example, the fathers of both of them. All right, they're stepping, and what do they do? They advise the husband, they advise the wife, they try to find out what the problem is, they talk to them, they counsel them. So basically, this is talking about counseling, marriage counseling. Okay, but this counseling is being done by whom, those who are close, why those who are close, because

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they know what actually going on.

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Because sometimes what happens, people go for marriage counseling to an imam.

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And she goes by herself, for example, and she says so many things about the husband, and the man feels so sorry for the woman that oh, she's being abused, and she's being treated so unjustly so unfairly, he hasn't heard the other side of the story at all. Right? And if, let's say he talked to the husband and husband denies everything,

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does he have any way of finding out the reality? He doesn't? I mean, he can investigate, he can ask, but how much can you know? Not much, but people who are close people who are relatives, they know those individuals, right?

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So this is why they are the best ones to counsel, the husband and the wife when they're suffering from problems. So this is why how come from from his side and have come from her side and who is a hacker, How come is a judge someone who decides and judges on behalf of the other? You know, he instructs them. So someone who is officially appointed to solve a dispute, officially appointed to solve a dispute. So the family will take the matters in their hands. But remember, over here, one thing I'd like to make clear that every problem between the husband and wife doesn't need to be solved by other people. All right, every problem between the husband and wife does not need to be

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solved by other people.

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The problems that exist between husband and wife, they should solve themselves. If there's something you don't like about your husband, talk to him.

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Communicate with him. Deal with it for some time, try different ways of solving it. All right.

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Don't call your mother and every little thing. Don't ask your friend.

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Don't go straight to the man right away. No, solve the problem yourself first. But after several attempts, when you realize it's not working out, I can't do it. I don't know what to do. Somebody else needs to explain to him. Then you seek help. Because unfortunately, some women and some men they ruin their relationship themselves. How anything that happens. Mommy did this dad he did this. Mom, my mother in law said this. My father in law said this. My brother in law did this. Every little thing is being advertised address constantly, is being published constantly all the time on Facebook, on Twitter. There is no personal life. There is no privacy. This is not going to solve the

00:34:47 --> 00:34:58

problem is going to aggravate the problem. Because remember, that if something happens between you and your husband, eventually inshallah it will get solved. And you know what, you'll get over it.

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But if you told her mother, she will remember it, she won't be able to get over it. Her heart for her son in law is not going to be clean for a very long time.

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And it will worsen the situation. This is the reason why. My advice to the mothers is that when your daughters are married, please let them have privacy in their lives. When your sons are married, please let them have privacy in their lives don't interfere in every little matter, whether it's with regards to their children, or with regards to you know, them and their spouse, don't interfere family members, please stay out of their problems, stay out of their life, let them deal with it. And when they need help, when they want help, then help them but if you feel that that need help, they're not asking for it. But actually they need help it because the problem is not solved, it's

00:35:51 --> 00:35:55

gonna lead to divorce, you know, openly they're arguing with each other than you need to step in.

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Alright, I remember once a lady said that she got married. And, you know, she went to visit her parents house and her father was lying down. And she went on and on talking about how her mother in law behaves and her father in law behaves and and her husband behaves,

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turned around and looked at her. Never again, do I want to hear from your mouth, anything about your husband?

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What happens in that house stays there doesn't come here.

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Doesn't come here, it stays there. So as women, please maintain privacy. And as parents as relatives stop interfering, let the to exist.

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All right, every couple people who are friends, they get into problems and they solve it themselves.

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Then Allah says, either is law, if they want is law, who the husband and the wife if they actually want to fix the problem, they want to make things better than what will happen. You are fixing the Hubei now Houma, Allah will, Gaza between them, Allah will cause reconciliation between them you are filming from welfare cough, what fucka you are fickle, tofield, it is to provide the opportunity, the ability, so that things can work out. So if they want to set things right, and Allah will provide the means the opportunity, the ability for their relationship to work out, Allah will join them, Allah will reconcile them. That's when, when they want to fix the problem,

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because someone wants to fix their relationship, then they'll be willing to compromise, they'll be willing to sacrifice, they'll be willing to give up certain things, they'll be willing to take up certain things. Isn't that tough. But if you don't want to solve the problem, you want your way or highway, then obviously you're going to take the highway and you're going to exit you're going to leave. So if you want to solve the problem, that Allah will cause that. But if you don't want to solve the problem, then obviously, the two individuals will go their own way in Allah can or Lehman havurah Indeed, Allah is Knowing and aware. Because sometimes when we're having problems, we tell

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only one side of the story. Or we tell only certain things, but we don't mention what we are doing wrong, who knows, our mistakes, our shortcomings, Allah knows. So the lesson over here is that when you're dealing with family problems,

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when you're dealing with family problems, then whose help should you seek first and foremost, Allah subhanaw taala does help. Because he can solve the problem, he can fix your heart, he can fix the heart of the other individual, he can actually fix the problems and also solve the problem yourself. That's not possible to seek help. But if you are insincere, if you are untruthful, if you are treacherous, if you're lying, then the problem won't be solved. And remember that everything that is said everything that is done is written, the matter of dunya is easy, the matter the hereafter is far more difficult. So in this world, you may have your own way. For example, the Y falsely accused

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the husband of abuse, all right, or terms, what he has done as abuse and there she gets all the help from the government, for example. And the husband is restricted in every way. So okay, she has her wig, all of a sudden she feels so powerful, she feel so empowered all of a sudden, but this is the dunya in the hereafter. Allah knows the reality and he will judge the best judgment, the final judgment, the judgment that will be affected. So the lesson here is that when it comes to family problems, one should be fearful of who Allah that He knows. He knows other people may not know but Allah knows. Recitation one equally.

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Much on can

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human or be your

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pentacle, llama we have the gift of Allah Allah Allah into the Sofitel governor to break a Santa Maria

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