Taimiyyah Zubair – Taleem al Quran 2012 – P05 057D Tafsir Al-Nisa 33-34

Taimiyyah Zubair
AI: Summary © The Mah prep School of Management provides a framework for sharing estate and explains that anyone who made a will should receive a share of inheritance. The concept of "fitna" is discussed, including the responsibility of men in maintaining healthy relationships and communicating with family members. The speaker emphasizes the need for men to be mindful of their behavior and not to speak up, as women have the responsibility of protecting their honor and reputation.
AI: Transcript ©
00:00:01 --> 00:00:48

While he couldn't in general Nemo earlier, and for every person we have made is the Colin meaning for every individual. For every person, man or woman, someone who has a lot of relatives or doesn't have many relatives, someone who is an orphan or someone who has family, whoever it is every individual married or unmarried, whatever their social status is, what are their statuses? Regardless, for every person, Allah has made Ma Li, who am Awali, plural of the word molar. And the word molar has many meanings. It means patron Guardian, and it also gives a meaning off air. So over here, it means air. So every person has ears, meaning every person has relatives and the relatives

00:00:48 --> 00:01:31

deserve a portion of the estate that that person leaves behind. Is that so? Yes, we have learned about Atomy Ross the verses about the inheritance and we saw that different relatives receive different shares and every person's estate has to be distributed, even to the point that if there is a baby who is born, and after a few seconds, he dies, then you know what, even his estate, whatever little he owns, or whatever he inherited from his parents will be distributed amongst his heirs. So for example, a woman was expecting her husband passed away. All right, her husband passed away she's expecting now the estate will not be distributed until she gives birth because if it's a boy, the

00:01:31 --> 00:02:13

share will be different. If it's a girl, the share will be different. Now, let's say she gives birth, it's a boy, the boy is born alive, but after a few seconds, literally he dies, then you know what, that boy will be assigned the share from his father's estate and then that share will be distributed amongst that child's heirs. Can you imagine this is how precise this is how detailed this is how just Allah subhanaw taala is law is that for every person, the heirs are designated mimma from that which Donald Garhwali Danny will acquire a bone Tanaka he left to a while he then the parents will occur baboon and the near relatives, meaning a person inherits from his parents, he

00:02:13 --> 00:03:00

inherits from his close relatives, whatever they leave behind, he has a designated chair. What Lavina and those people who are accorded a man who come after that from the route letters out of dial up is to tie a knot to make a contract. So and a man is the plural of Yameen. What does your mean mean? It gives the meaning of an oath. So you swore oats. And with those oats, you made some ties. What does this refer to? This refers to relationships that the Arabs had with other people, based on what contracts and alliances. So for example, when the people of Makkah the mohajir, when they migrated from Mecca to Medina, what happened the Prophet salallahu Salam established the bond

00:03:00 --> 00:03:48

of brotherhood between them, and on Saudi men, and we'll have legitimate became what brothers and this is what the ayah is referring to that Alladhina AKA a man who calm those with whom you have made alliances of friendship of brotherhood, then such people also to whom nicely by whom give them their share, give them their prescribed share, meaning such individuals should also be given the share of inheritance that they deserve. In Allah Kana Allah Konishi in Shahida. Indeed, Allah is witnessed over everything. Now what does this refer to remember that when the MaHA Jean migrated to Medina, the Brotherhood was established between them and the unsought. And this brotherhood meant

00:03:48 --> 00:04:42

that both of them were like brothers to each other, which meant that they lived close to each other, they helped one another, they financially supported each other. And this also meant that if one of them died, the other would inherit from him. All right, that if one person died than the other, inherited from him, and initially, the brother, he was assigned the share of 1/6 of the estate, how much was the share 1/6 of the estate this was the law that was prescribed initially. However, later on this was abrogated, meaning this law was cancelled. And the inheritance was only to be given to who do the relatives of a person, not friends, not allies, but who only the relatives through blood

00:04:42 --> 00:04:51

or through marriage. Only such people deserve share of inheritance. Why do you think this was abrogated? Why do you think so?

00:04:53 --> 00:04:59

Exactly. It was necessary only for that time period, because the Mahajan had left everything

00:05:00 --> 00:05:43

And they had migrated to Medina, they really had nothing and they were very close to the unsought. So, this is the reason why this relationship was established between them. However, later on, this was cancelled, but remember that even though it is abrogated, this is still applicable applicable in what way that if a person has made a will, that after I die, a third of my estate, all right, or a fifth of my estate, a sixth of my estate, an eighth of my estate should be given to this really good close friend of mine. Can that be done? Yes, it has to be done. It has to be done. Because remember, that the will can be made up to how much only a third of the well, so if it's within that, a person

00:05:43 --> 00:06:22

has made a will than it has to be done the share must be given and a person should remember that in Allah Kana Allah militia in Shahida. Allah is witnessing everything that person may have died, he cannot ensure whether we have given the designated portion to the one whom he wanted, but who is watching. Who is watching. Allah is watching. So fear Him that Allah subhanaw taala says a return to the men aware Munna they are in charge of who Island Nyssa over the women. The word Qalamoun is plural of column and awareness from Ha.

00:06:23 --> 00:06:48

Got him is one who does TM, what is the what I'm doing right now? Okay, but as I'm standing, am I just standing and looking at nothing? No, I'm watching you, who was looking back? And who was looking at their notes? And who is paying attention? And who is looking at their phone and who is dozing off, right? I'm watching you guys to make sure that you're doing what you're doing correctly.

00:06:49 --> 00:07:41

Right. So this is through a QA him is someone who is standing to ensure that everything is being done right, that everything is in order that if anyone needs something, they are provided that. So our aim is basically someone who is in charge someone who is standing, meaning looking after maintaining, this is called him now called wham. A worm is one who is constantly in every state, always all the time, no matter what the situation is, regardless of the circumstances. Still, they are looking after maintaining, watching over the other individual. Now, for example, by him would mean that I'm only able to look at one or two people. And eventually I go and sit there and I can

00:07:41 --> 00:08:28

watch over you. But a worm is someone who is constantly standing and going about. Like sometimes I see sister Simon and she's just standing there watching everybody. And then she's there. She's watching everybody. And then they're watching constantly. You know, I look here, I look there, I move away. But there's one person whose eyes are constantly on you. Okay, so this is what a worm is constantly in every situation regardless of the circumstances. So Allah subhanaw taala says that the men aka wham over women, meaning they are to look after the women, they are to provide for them. They are their guardians, their custodians responsible for their well being and safety. The men are

00:08:28 --> 00:09:13

to teach the women the men are to instruct the women. And because of this reason, they also have authority over them. This is a reason why they also have authority over them. So for example, a father, he is a lamb over his daughters. Likewise, a husband is a lamb over his wife. All right. Likewise, a brother is the one over his sisters, provided that they are dependent on him. I mean, if they're married, that's a different case. But if they're living under his care, then he is the full one over them. Now, a person might say, but Why are men mythical WAM over women, I mean, you know, this gives men a higher status compared to that of women. All right, this is like men are greater

00:09:13 --> 00:09:52

and women are lesser. But the thing is that if there's any group of people that are working together, that are in the same space, then the final authority has to be given to one individual. Why? Because if there is no one individual who has the final say in matters, who is responsible, who is in charge, then what will happen? What will happen, everybody will try to have authority and this will lead to conflict. Right? Or sometimes what happens is that people think, Oh, they will do the job. Oh, no, no, she will do it. No, he will do it and like this, nothing is done.

00:09:53 --> 00:09:59

Isn't that tough? So for example, if it's not clear who is the boss and who are the workers, then

00:10:00 --> 00:10:21

What will happen, everybody will expect other people to do the work. Nobody's answerable to anybody. Nobody's taking others into account. So when nobody's being watched, nobody's being checked, then what will happen? No one will do the work. You understand. So this is the reason why one person is necessary to be the in charge to be the leader.

00:10:25 --> 00:11:02

That sometimes if kids want something, they go ask her mama, Mom, can I have this mom? Can I do this? And she said, I'm gonna go ask her that. And they go to the diet and that, can we do this? That? Can we have this and I go ask your mom, and the kids are running back and forth between mom and dad. And nobody's saying anything, and the kids are lost. All right. So someone, one individual has to make the final decision, so that everything is being done, people are being looked after their needs are not being neglected. And the responsibilities the duties are being fulfilled, there has to be a leader. And we see that where a leader is missing than there is for Sad, isn't that so?

00:11:02 --> 00:11:33

We see this in world politics. We see this in organizations in companies where the leader is missing, then there is absolute facade. There is injustice. So this is why a leader has been appointed. Now, a person might say but still why the men? I mean, what if the woman was more capable and intelligent and highly qualified? And you know, she makes more money than why not hurt in that situation? Why shouldn't she be in charge? Why is the man in charge?

00:11:34 --> 00:11:47

Because if this was left to individual cases, that for example, the man and the woman as they get married, they decide, okay, the wife is the boss, not okay, the husband is the boss, if they were left to make this decision, then what would happen?

00:11:48 --> 00:11:57

They would never come to an agreement. They would never come to an agreement. We see, for example, when there's elections,

00:11:58 --> 00:12:39

what happens? One person is chosen. But then people say, Oh, no, the elections were rigged. This was unfair. So we have to do this all over again. People don't accept it isn't at all. I mean, despite the fact that you have pure statistics, clear numbers, but still people don't accept it. And even if one person is chosen, by the majority, still, the minority will not leave them see what's happening with Toronto's Mayor these days. What's happening with him, there are people who are constantly behind him. You know, one thing is barely over that another fitna begins, right. And if you think about it, people chose him. So if the decision was left two people, two individuals, two families

00:12:39 --> 00:13:21

that you decide whether the man is a woman, or the woman is the one, then the decision would never be made. And even if it were made, people would never be happy, they would never be happy. This is the reason why Allah out of His Mercy has chosen the leader in the family. So that the rest of us, the rest of the people, they just submit and surrender, they accept it, because once you accept something, then it's easier to deal with it. But when you're in denial, then you can't deal with it at all. So Allah has made the men a worm over the women, they are responsible. They're the maintainers, there to look after their to maintain the well being of the women. All right. And

00:13:21 --> 00:14:01

because of that reason, they also have authority. But what's the reason? Why did Allah choose men? Because obviously, if Allah has chosen someone for a particular task, then there's a reason behind that there's some wisdom behind that. For example, if Muhammad Sallallahu sallam was chosen as the last messenger, as the messenger was the reason behind that, yes, his reputation, his luck, the tribe, he came from the time he was born in, right, because of all those reasons, Allah subhanaw taala chose him and not other influential people of Makkah as the messenger. All right, so why is the reason that Allah chose men, and also remember that when Allah gives a certain responsibility to

00:14:01 --> 00:14:47

an individual, when Allah chooses a specific role for an individual, then he also gives him the capacity to perform that role to fulfill that role. You know, for example, if girls are to produce milk, they have that system. They don't have to take hormones to produce milk. They don't have, you know, a special diet to produce milk, right? They have that system built in. So Allah subhanaw taala has made men in a particular way so that they're actually able to fulfill this purpose. They're able to fulfill this role. Yes, that they have something that enabled them to fulfill that role of leadership. So what is it Allah subhanaw taala tells us be mad football Allah Who Baraka whom I

00:14:47 --> 00:14:59

love. The reason why Allah has chosen the men as a leader is because be men because of what football Allahu Allah has preferred. For Bella the fleadh felguard lamp

00:15:00 --> 00:15:53

Do give one more than the other meaning to give him something that the other has not been given. So for example, you will have lead over your younger sibling, okay, that Allah created you before them. Okay, so you will have something that they do not have. It doesn't mean necessarily that you are nothing because of this. No, you also have some qualities. But in comparison, obviously, you two are not identical. But there's something that the men have been given, which enables them to fulfill this role. All right. And this something women have not been given, which is why if they were forced into this position, they would not be able to fulfill it. All right. This does not mean that Oh, men

00:15:53 --> 00:16:12

are better than women. This is not what the meaning is. This means that men have been equipped with something which enables them to fulfill their role of leadership in the family. All right. Now, what is it that they have been given? Which helps them? What is it that they have been given?

00:16:13 --> 00:16:54

And remember that this is, in general, on average, we're talking about average people, we're not talking about exceptions, that a woman says no, I'm smarter than my husband, I am more strong than my husband, my husband, such a weakling, he's always, you know, sick or resting or sleeping. And here I am up at five, working all day. And there he is sitting on the couch doing nothing. I have more strength than him. No, we're talking about normal people like average. Okay. What happens all over the world? Okay, there may be exceptions. So what the men have been given as what Kuwa strength, strength that enabled them to fulfill the role of leadership? What kind of strength? Two

00:16:54 --> 00:17:38

kinds of strengths one pool? Well, we're here, okay, apparent strength of your strength manifesting that is very visible, that is very clear. And this includes, for example, physical strength that they have been given. All right, I mean, when you're moving, or when you are putting some furniture together or bringing heavy groceries, and then who does the heavy work, the heavy lifting? It's the men usually the women don't do that. I mean, yes, there are exceptions, women who are very strong, they will do better, but in general, who does physical work? Men? You know, for example, in construction, will you ever find women who are working as construction workers, yes, but only a few.

00:17:39 --> 00:18:27

Right? Why? Because construction work demands a lot of physical, labor, physical effort, and men are capable of doing that. Now, a leader has been given physical strength. Why? Because he has to look after others. If he does not have physical strength, how can you look after others? If the man did not have physical strength? How was he to look after the women who are under his care? Think about it. You know, I went for Hajj. And I saw many groups that the men had, you know, made circles, okay, holding hands with each other making circles. And inside that circle, where there are women. So for example, 2030 men had made circled holding hands and their women were inside and like this, they

00:18:27 --> 00:18:41

were walking all of them together, went all the way to the gym out to throw the stones. Why? Because in that crowd where people are pushing and fawning on one another, it's inevitable, right? Women are secure in this way.

00:18:42 --> 00:19:26

All right, men are able to hold their ground like they have strong arms and strong legs and strong shoulders. So if somebody falls on them, they're still able to stand firmly. But a woman if somebody fall down who's like, ah, and screaming and falling on other women and our chin, you see what I mean? This is how typically women are. And honestly, when I went formula, this was before I was married. My dad was with us three sisters, my mom. And obviously in that crowd, you want to go and do the laugh around the carpet. But in Ramadan at the time of Hajj anytime of the year. In fact, what do you see around the Kaaba, so much crowd, there's so many people, and you're trying but

00:19:26 --> 00:19:59

you're being squished and then they're men, and you're like, Oh, you want to get out but you want to be there. And at that time, I was like, You know what, when I get married, I want to come with my husband. Because I saw some women that were going so easily their husbands just you know, cover them from the back. Anybody who dared to push them, you know, get away from my wife, don't you dare touch her. I was like, I want that to write a bodyguard, basically. So, men have been given physical strength, which helps them fulfill their role. And women have not been given that

00:20:00 --> 00:20:43

And yes, women are strong, they're not weak, they are strong. But still what happens? What happens once a month, they are just useless. And just lying down cramping away, crying away, alright. And if at that time, your spouse needs your help, they need to be driven somewhere or heavy groceries need to be brought in the house, or you guys need to go to Costco and bring all the suppliers for the month, you will be like no way I can't do this. Do it yourself. All right, a woman goes through pregnancy through childbirth. She has, you know, children with her. So she has basically been dealt with a lot of ease when this responsibility has been taken away from her. When she is being

00:20:43 --> 00:20:48

protected. Instead of being the protector, it's always easier to be protected than be the protector.

00:20:49 --> 00:21:14

Right? It's always easier to be the one who is being taken care of than the one who has to take care of others. So the men have been granted over law Hill. Secondly, they have also been granted Cova Balclutha, meaning hidden strength, strength that you don't necessarily see, but it's there. And where's that strength? In the heart? In the mind?

00:21:15 --> 00:21:53

Right? I'm not saying that this means they're more intelligent. They're good at math and English and whatever. No, this is not what the meaning is. Because women can be smarter when it comes to math. They can be smarter when it comes to engineering. But men have something that women lack. And what is that? They have? Confidence. They have confidence. And women also have confidence. But men generally, you know, if there's a leaky faucet, y'all fix it. Yeah, I'll figure it out. And woman's cooking. Do you think this is right? Doesn't look right, Mom, I'll take a picture and send it to you tell me if this looks right.

00:21:54 --> 00:22:15

constantly calling their husbands? Can you please stay stuck in checking the chicken is done. And the man's like, no, I'll fix the faucet. I'll do the vacuum all lifted all the way and I'll do the work then. Yeah, I can do everything myself. They have that confidence, which is why they can take steps. Right? They can go forward.

00:22:16 --> 00:22:26

And women generally they're a little hesitant generally. All right. Like it was mentioned earlier that men are emotionally stronger. And women are not.

00:22:27 --> 00:22:30

Okay, men are emotionally stronger. Women are not.

00:22:32 --> 00:23:10

When I was in school, in Pakistan, what happens is that at home time, there are lots of people who come outside, you know, with guards trying to sell something or the other. I went to an all girls private school. And outside of that no men were allowed to stand unless they were actually there to pick up the girls who were inside. So that meant anyone who tried to sell something was also kicked out. There was a man, a poor man who was trying to sell some kind of food. I don't know what it was. And the gatekeeper told him several times go, you're not allowed to stand here. The security guard told him several times he didn't listen, the security guard went with his big stick as I get out of

00:23:10 --> 00:23:48

here. And the man didn't move. So he struck him on his legs. I started screaming, stop, stop, stop. I started crying crying away. I could not tolerate the fact that he was hitting him and security guard had to stop because he thought I was having a panic attack or something. But I could not bear the scene of someone being beaten. I just couldn't. I just could not see that. And there were other people who were just laughing at that time. They thought it was really funny. I'm sure that was also funny. But the guy being beaten up, they thought it was kind of funny. I didn't think it was funny at all. Girls see blood and they start freaking out.

00:23:49 --> 00:24:01

And boys are like, what's the big deal? Girls will see a cockroach or you know, a lizard or a snake or something. And they're like, screaming away a spider and they'll freak out.

00:24:02 --> 00:24:12

Right? And they recommend trying to protect the women. Yeah, where's the spider? Let me get it. And then they start screaming as well sometimes, but in general, they have the guts to come and face the spider. Okay.

00:24:13 --> 00:24:29

Likewise, if a girl you say something nasty to her, she will break down into tears immediately you pass a common and her clothes on her hair. She will become so self conscious. She'll never come out before you the same way. But men, whatever. Right? They'll say something back.

00:24:33 --> 00:24:51

She's saying that when she was younger, it was her brother or her father's job to come and kill the spider. And now it is her husband's job. So women are emotionally weaker. Right? They lack this inner strength. But women generally they have that. Likewise they're graver they're more logical as well.

00:24:53 --> 00:24:59

Isn't it so through more logical women, you know their emotion takes over them and they lose all their logic

00:25:00 --> 00:25:43

Somebody says something and they forget everything. And the men are like, so what's the big deal? Right? If a child is acting up, the mother is yelling at her putting on her hair literally. And the Father will say, in very strict words, you know, something to the child and the child will calm down. I've experienced this, okay, I've experienced this honestly, I have. So this is a reality. So this enables them to be the leader. The second reason why Allah has chosen them is Wahby. Matt unfuckable. mean, I'm wildly him because they span from their properties. And while plural of man, meaning the men, whatever money they make, whatever money they inherit, whatever money they get from

00:25:43 --> 00:26:19

anywhere, what do they do with that money they spend, they are obligated to spend. If a woman receives some money from her parents, for example, she can keep it in the bank for literally eight years. Right, the husband will turn on it, don't spend that don't spend that, you know, when you really need it, then we'll touch that. But the husband whatever money is he's making in one way out the other in one way out the other every month that the account is drained. Typically, we see this that women have they're working the money they're making doesn't want to save it, keep it but whatever money the husband is making, he is spending constantly, will be my unfucked woman. And

00:26:19 --> 00:26:50

while him at the time of marriage, the man has to spend on the woman give her a hug. Right. And after the marriage, you know, he has to pay for her ticket and she has to pay for her shopping and her clothes and her wishes and her desires and her likes and her haircuts and her trips to the manicure pedicures trips to the salon for all of these things. He has to pay for everything. Right? And she is not obligated to yes, many women also spend on their families. But Islamically, they're not obligated to do that.

00:26:51 --> 00:27:18

Oh, man, he has a sense of responsibility that I have to spend on my children I have to spend on my wife I have to spend on my family. But a woman when she has to spend she doesn't like it because she knows it's not her responsibility. If she doesn't want to, if she has to pay for her, let's say her dental checkup, she feels that it's unfair. My husband should be doing that. If she has to pay for something for the kids. She feels that it's unfair, my husband should be doing that. But when I was when does that he knows he has to do it.

00:27:19 --> 00:27:29

Right? He can't get out of it. He has to do it. Yes, there are many men who don't do this. But they're falling short in their duty and they're answerable to Allah subhanaw taala.

00:27:30 --> 00:28:09

So we'll be mountain focal min, unworldly him. And because of this reason, because they spent, all right, and because of the strength that they have been given the ability that they have been given, this is the reason why they have also been given authority, that if the husband says, Okay, we're moving from this house to the other, because this is what I feel is the best decision for us. And he is determined to do that the wife has to obey. If the husband says that, no, you cannot work here. I don't want you to work here. I don't feel comfortable, then the wife has to listen. If the husband says that, no, I want fresh food. Like I can't have food from three days ago, I'd like a fresh

00:28:09 --> 00:28:48

dinner, you know, I'm making money, I give you the money to go buy the groceries, I bring the groceries, please give me something to eat something nice, something I like. So it's the woman's responsibility to listen to him to obey Him. Because if she did not listen to him, if he did not have any authority, any say that tell me Is this not injustice? Is this not injustice in his pure injustice, that literally that husband, that man is like a slave then right? That he's being made to do all the hard labor. All right. And secondly, whatever money he brings, he has to give to the wife or spend on the family. And then when it comes to his wishes, they're ignored. This is what a slave

00:28:48 --> 00:29:04

is, you know that. This is what slave is a slave is someone who doesn't have any say he's used for making money and he has to obey. A husband is not a slave. Come on. This is not fair. So this is the reason why men have also been granted authority.

00:29:06 --> 00:29:43

Now many women, they say oh, as women as wives, we are not obligated to cook and clean for the husband, you know, he can cook himself, he can clean himself, he can do his own laundry, whatever, I'm not responsible, you know, I'm the queen and I'm supposed to be served and he's supposed to do everything. The thing is that the relationship between a husband and wife is a relationship in which both individuals are complementing one another helping one another, you know, making ease for one another. So if the husband has been obligated with earning and spending, then come on the wife has been obligated with what with listening to the husband, which is inshallah what we will learn. So

00:29:43 --> 00:30:00

when she has to listen and obey to the husband obviously in that which is understandable in that which is acceptable. Then if he expects from her to cook, if he expects from her to clean, then she should do that. And it's not fair to the husband is out nine to five five days a week on the week.

00:30:00 --> 00:30:26

And he's working, and he comes home. And he's told, you know, go get your own dinner, go make it yourself. This is not fair. He's out the whole day working like a slave, literally getting exhausted, dealing with so much stress. And when he comes home, he sees an unhappy wife and arrogant woman who doesn't listen to him at all. This is not a relationship. This is not healthy relationship, this is not love.

00:30:27 --> 00:31:07

These are the roles that Allah has prescribed for us, and they are the best for us. And if we swap the roles, we switch them, then it's going to lead to arguments and unhappiness. Now remember that every case is different. Okay? It might be more suitable for a couple that, you know, for example, the woman is working, the man is working, and they have someone else cooking, or they take turns in making dinner for the family. And if it's possible for them, and they're happy with it good. But if it's not working out, then the man has to see what his role is. And the woman has to see what her role is that men have been made the column no men have to be trained as a woman as well. Okay? What

00:31:07 --> 00:31:46

I mean by that is that men have to be trained to be like men, and who trains men, it is their parents, it is their mother's. So mother's please train your boys to be good future husbands, those of you who are mothers here, like honestly, give them the sense of responsibility that they have to look after, instead of being looked after all the time. If they're not given any responsibility within the household, how will they grow up to be responsible individuals, they won't. And we see that happening these days, that men have no sense of responsibility at all. They make their money. You know, they spend wherever they want, and the wife is suffering so much, why because this is how

00:31:46 --> 00:31:54

they grew up. They saw you know how things were in their houses. Somebody wants mentioned to me that the first time ever they had their summer job.

00:31:56 --> 00:32:12

Right, the first time ever, they had their summer job, they brought money home, very happy and I got my paycheck today, imagine the excitement, even if it's a few $100. And their father said to them, divide this money in between your sisters and your mother, you're not going to keep even a penny of it.

00:32:13 --> 00:33:01

You are the brother you are the son in future you are the leader you are responsible. This money is not for you. This money is so that you can look after your family. So divided up, give some to your sisters, give some to your mother, this is what you have to do. And he did that. So this is the kind of training that men need so that they can be a one responsibility. And mothers need to put an effort as well. But unfortunately, in many Muslim cultures, young boys, they are given so much freedom and allowances that just makes them proud, but not responsible. This is incorrect. That if the daughter is expected to clean depiction in housework than the son should also be expected to do

00:33:01 --> 00:33:06

some housework, not necessarily housework, but some kind of responsibility, right? Is

00:33:09 --> 00:33:44

that we see this happening as well that girls are protected so much Muslim girls, but when it comes to boys when it comes to sons, you know, they're given all the freedom they can go wherever they can spend time with their friends. And the parents don't really worry too much about them thinking that their boys and nothing wrong can happen with them. But the fact is that many boys, Muslim boys fall into fitna, they end up doing many wrong things, because after all, they're human beings as well. So anyway, the main lesson we learned over here is that men are the leaders because of the qualities that Allah subhanaw taala has granted them and they have to be accepted as leaders and they have to

00:33:44 --> 00:34:30

be trained as leaders as well. What about the women facade how to so the righteous women, good women, by his women, excellent women are saleha Lord of saleha. Who is she? The one who is good, the one who is pious Salah righteousness, goodness piety, so a good women are which ones on it that on ones that are devoutly obedient, have you lost on little baby guarding in the absence absence of who? The absence of the husband? Two qualities have been given over here off good women? What are they? First of all, they're kanita floral have gone into fun it is from pollute what is going on? Could

00:34:32 --> 00:34:59

we have done this word earlier? What is going to work on ot morale carnitine materialism was called constant obedience with humility, constant obedience with humility. In other words, good women are who are obedient to their husbands. This doesn't mean that they have no say they don't give any suggestion. They don't speak up. They're just living. They're just existing to me.

00:35:00 --> 00:35:35

leaves their husbands and do nothing else in this world in this life of theirs. And even if the husband tells them to do something wrong, or Desmond says, I don't want you to wear the hijab. Oh, yes, I'm so obedient to you. I won't wear hijab. If the husband says, Don't pray right now. And Maghrib. Salah is about to be over all yes, I'm so big into my husband, I'm not going to pray. If the husband says, Don't you dare talk to your mom? And she says, Yes, I'm never going to talk to my mom. If the husband says, do something wrong, and she does it. No, this is not what obedience means. All right? Or if the husband says, I'm not going to spend any penny on you, you don't dare speak up.

00:35:35 --> 00:36:19

Don't you dare call any counselor, don't you dare get any help? And she's like, Yeah, I'm supposed to read into my husband. So even if I'm being oppressed, even if I'm being abused, I'm supposed to be silent about it. No, this is not what kanita means. Find it. That means one who is obedient in matters that are acceptable in matters that are conventional, in matters that are reasonable, all right, culturally, socially, as well as religiously. So for example, religiously, if the husband tells her to do something, that's good. That is rewardable, then should she do it? Yes, she should do it. So for example, if the husband says to the wife, I would like you to wear hijab, I really

00:36:19 --> 00:36:20

want you to do that.

00:36:21 --> 00:36:32

And the wives like, what? Not going to doesn't says I would like you to not wear the scarf, because it's a little too bright. And you know, attractive.

00:36:34 --> 00:36:40

Husband can say that, right? That I feel uncomfortable when you wear that because all the men stare at you, and I don't like it.

00:36:41 --> 00:37:20

So what should the wife say? Mind your own business? What have you got to do with my hijab? I don't say anything about your beard, don't say anything to meet my hijab? Is that what her response should be? No, I accept what he's saying. Because he's a guy. And he knows, he knows how other people are looking at you and how they're not looking at you. So listen to him, if he's telling you to do something. That's right. All right. So religiously. Secondly, what is acceptable culturally? Now, every culture has different norms, different values, different expectations of different individuals. So for example, culturally, if a woman is expected to cook in the house, to cook for

00:37:20 --> 00:37:59

the family, to cook for the extended family, for example, it's a joint family that they're living in. And that is what happens in that culture, for example, and the wife is expected to cook for the entire family, the husband says, Please do that. I want you to do that. I love the way you cook. You know, it'll be very easy for my mom, she's got severe arthritis on her finger, she's cooked all her life for me. And I want you to cook for the rest of the family. So that's culturally acceptable? Should she do it? Yes. It's not unreasonable. Now, if he says, prepare three meals every day, different from my mom, different for me different from my father, and different for the kids four,

00:38:00 --> 00:38:35

and three times a day, and everything has to be on the table, you know, and you have to do everything yourself. My mother, even though she's healthy and good wishes, she doesn't need to help you. She doesn't need to do anything, you do everything. That's not reasonable. Or, for example, the husband, you know, they had, let's say, a nanny in the house. But as soon as the wife came in, the nanny got fired. The maid who used to come and clean the cleaning lady that she got fired, and now the wife is expected to do everything for everybody. That's not reasonable. And it happens. Unfortunately, that's not reasonable. But if something is reasonable, that my mom is working, or you

00:38:35 --> 00:38:54

know, she's sick, and it's not a big deal, if you have to clean the house, I mean, you clean your parents house as well, don't you? You clean your own house as well, don't you? So why can you clean your in law's house if you're living with them, and that is your house if you're living with them. So, if the husband expects you to do that, that is reasonable and you should do it

00:38:55 --> 00:39:02

all right. So something that is culturally acceptable culturally reasonable, you have to obey the husband.

00:39:03 --> 00:39:43

You understand? Now where things get unreasonable, then you get help. All right, are you speak up? So for salejaw to Anita to they are obedient. And basically this obedience, it gives meaning of do not arrogant, they're not arrogant towards their husbands. They listen to them. The speak like a woman should speak to a husband. You know, some women that treat their husbands like their friends or they are just they're their brothers. So the way they speak to their brother, they will speak to their husband, the way they speak to their friends, they will speak to their husband. I mean, it's nice that you have a good relationship, a frank relationship, but that should not lead to

00:39:43 --> 00:39:43


00:39:44 --> 00:39:55

All right, that if the husband is saying something there, you yell at him and your you know, you are saying nasty things to him and you are swearing at him and cursing women do that. Sometimes.

00:39:56 --> 00:39:59

They yell at their husbands as if they are children as if they aren't

00:40:00 --> 00:40:06

Nobody, this is disrespect for the husband. And this is something that does not suit an obedient woman.

00:40:08 --> 00:40:18

That generally men they spend on the family, they take care of the wife. We know they are protective about her. And what do they want in return? Respect.

00:40:19 --> 00:40:52

All right. And a woman What does she do? She obeys the husband, she cooks for him, she cleans for him. And she does things to make him happy. And in return, what does she want? Love, isn't it. So? Now, what happens is that where the man does not fulfill his responsibility, then the wife becomes hurt. And then she doesn't want to obey him. She doesn't want listen to him. So she ends up disrespecting him. When she disrespects him, he gets upset, and he doesn't show any love. In fact, he's angry. And then when he's angry, she disrespects him even more. So it's like a vicious cycle.

00:40:53 --> 00:41:29

The thing is that when you're good to the husband, the husband is going to be good to you. All right, it's a cycle that you fall into. And the moment you start disobeying him, he's gonna start being rude to you, we're just gonna make you more disobedient to him. You remember, we learned why Sharon wouldn't have been my love eyeshadow, it is both sided. You have to live in a good way. And the other has to live in a good way as well. You can't just expect the other individual to be loving and caring all the time. Even if you're sleeping away in the morning, and the poor guy is running, rushing out of the house trying to figure out what he has to eat right now what he has to eat later,

00:41:29 --> 00:41:47

and he comes home, no laundry, done nothing. I mean, obviously, this is going to lead to a bad relationship. So either you fall into a good cycle, or a bad cycle. If you're ever stuck in the bad cycle, stop, take a break and immediately analyze yourself are you being of the quantity that

00:41:49 --> 00:42:00

you will realize that you're falling short in your duty, and the moment you start being obedient to the husband, immediately you will get his love. You know, sometimes it's something as small as dressing nicely.

00:42:01 --> 00:42:22

Women, they're just pajamas and dirty clothes or like an iron clothes and on top, they were in a band, they go out of the house and they come back and take off their buy, the clothes are smelly, faded, whatever, and they don't care about how they look. And the husband's like not interested in her at all. If he tries to hug her she smells if he tries to come closer to her, you know, he's like,

00:42:24 --> 00:42:31

so why would he that tree even? And she says Oh, he doesn't hug me anymore? doesn't love me anymore? Why am I even in this relationship still?

00:42:32 --> 00:42:36

Right, it leads to a bad cycle. So what you need to do,

00:42:37 --> 00:42:43

immediately start doing something that will please your husband, you will do that. And things will change.

00:42:45 --> 00:43:02

When the husband is coming home, then go quickly do will do freshen yourself up, wear nice clothes, do something to your hair, I mean look nicer for him. And immediately he will be happy to see you He will say good things to you. And he will be relaxed which will help you relax, this will lead to a healthy relationship.

00:43:03 --> 00:43:27

So for salejaw to honor that they're not arrogant, they're humble, they're obedient. Secondly, have a lot to LILLEbaby they are protectors, Florida of Halophila have a loved one who does have what has helped me to guard to preserve their guard, what do they guard little life? Alive is what the hidden that which is unseen?

00:43:28 --> 00:44:11

What does it mean by this meaning in the time when the husband is away, he's not there in the absence of the husband because when he's absent, then whatever is happening in the home, whatever is happening in your life that is late for him. Isn't he doesn't have any means to find out who's coming in the house what you're doing with the money. All right, what you're doing with yourself, he doesn't know. So half a lot on the labor meaning they guard in the absence of the husband, what do they guard be Mahaffy? Allah Allah, they guard that which Allah has entrusted them with entrusted who with the women, meaning the women have been entrusted with certain things, they have to look

00:44:11 --> 00:44:50

after certain things. So when the husband is aware, they look after those things, they preserve them, they don't do Fianna. Now, what is it that the women have been entrusted with? First of all their chastity. They have to maintain their atrocity. If they're married to a husband and their unbelieving woman. I mean, she should be chaste. She should not be hanging out with non Muharram men with people whom the husband does not approve of having a friendship outside of marriage with another man. I mean, this is something that's incorrect. So when the husband's away, he's at work there. She picks up the phone calls her friend, all right, or when he's not there. He doesn't know

00:44:50 --> 00:44:59

she's sending emails or she's chatting online or she's texting. It's late from the husband right? Husband Doesn't know that there she is having a relationship outside

00:45:00 --> 00:45:30

Her marriage. So Allah has entrusted her with her chastity, and she has to preserve that she is responsible over that. Likewise, she's also responsible over the House over the belongings of the husband, the property of the husband, that for example, the house belongs to the husband. All right, that one's gone. And he has made it very clear that such and such individual such and such people should not be coming to her house frequently, or if they come, I should be aware.

00:45:31 --> 00:46:06

All right. And there she is, the moment he goes party time, the moment he goes, all those people are coming over. And remember that if a husband dislikes a certain friend of a woman, there has to be reason behind that. There will be a reason behind that. You know, some women, they complain, my husband is too jealous of my friends. He doesn't let me go out with them. He doesn't let them come over. And you know, it's too much of a problem for me, he's just too jealous, he's too insecure. There has to be a reason do you ignore him? When your friends are around? Do you neglect him when your friends are around? Do you talk to them about matters that your husband does not want you to

00:46:06 --> 00:46:09

talk them about, for example, your personal life, your financial life,

00:46:10 --> 00:46:42

if the husband says I don't want you to talk to your mother, she's not allowed to come over to the house, you're not allowed to talk to her. I don't want you talking to your sister, I don't want you talking to your brother, I don't want you talking to your uncle. I don't like these people. Or he says, you know, this friend of yours who goes to older, I don't like her, because then she takes you with her. And when you go, then you come back and you say you want to wear hijab, well, we should pray, and then you tell me all these things that I don't want to do. So I don't like this religious friend of yours. Now, okay. He doesn't like that. But is the woman supposed to obey Him in these

00:46:42 --> 00:47:08

matters? When it comes to talking to the mother, when it comes to maintaining ties, which Allah has obligated on the individual, right, you have to maintain them, you have to talk to your mother, then you know what, you can still talk to your mother, you can still communicate with your family in a manner that is appropriate in a manner that is acceptable to your husband, that, for example, he doesn't like it, when you're talking and talking for half an hour.

00:47:09 --> 00:47:28

And because of that there's no dinner. Or when you're talking to your mother, and you're telling her everything that goes on between you and your husband. Some women do that. Some women do that. They talk to their mothers every day, and update them with regards to every single detail their family life. And I'm sorry, if I were the man that would really annoy me.

00:47:29 --> 00:48:02

It would really annoy me. I mean, some things are private. Yes, I love my mother, you love your mother. But everything does not have to be publicized. You don't have to tell your mom about how much money your husband makes. You don't have to tell your mom about how much he bought that cell phone for how much money he's paying for his phone plan. You don't have to do that. Because then relatives they become judgmental about the husband that oh, look at him. He's so wasteful. Or look at him. He's so irresponsible. And they make fun of him constantly. So he does not like that. And because of that reason, he starts stopping the wife from doing what she's supposed to do. So if he

00:48:02 --> 00:48:45

doesn't like you talking for half an hour, talk for five minutes. If he doesn't like you telling everything. Don't, don't say that and you should not anyway, if he doesn't like you hanging around with a particular religious friend, because every time you talk to her, then you're out the whole day. Or if you go with her, then you go for the whole day and you're irresponsible with regards to your duties at home, then don't do that. You have to listen to your husband. There has to be a reason why he is stopping you. That's the point. So have you Lawton little baby boomer Halfhill Allah, they look after what they are entrusted with in the absence of the husbands. So they preserve

00:48:45 --> 00:48:52

their chastity their preserve their honor, they preserve the private affairs of the husband, his property and his children.

00:48:53 --> 00:49:34

Let me give you an example here, the money shared account between the husband and the wife. And the husband has given the woman some freedom as to what you know, she uses the money for she has to be responsible when it comes to using that money. If she goes on, for example, she goes to a masjid and she finds out they're, you know, raising money to build a parking lot or something and she gets very, you know, emotionally shaken. And she writes a check immediately of $10,000. Okay, and the poor husband was working day in and day out trying to save money so that he could buy a house soon he could buy a new car, fulfill a need of the family, you know, go back home visit his parents after

00:49:34 --> 00:49:48

10 years after five years. It doesn't make sense for the woman to do that. This is what I mean. Many conflicts between husband and wife are because of such stupid decisions that women make honestly.

00:49:49 --> 00:49:51

eras for irresponsible decisions that women make.

00:49:52 --> 00:49:59

Be careful. Whatever you do, keep your husband aware. Ask him and these days how difficult is it to

00:50:00 --> 00:50:16

communicate with your husband, tell me, he's just a text message away. Just a text message away, really, all you have to do is just do that. So when you're doing something that you feel that your husband might not approve off, please ask him first.

00:50:17 --> 00:50:36

Take a suggestion. Before you take such a big step. You know, when you are, for example, enrolling in a particular course, when you are leaving a course, when you are taking some responsibility, a volunteer position or something, you know, something you want to help out others. And then before that you have to take your husband's consent.

00:50:38 --> 00:50:47

You know, for example, this week, of course, when I decided to teach that I really wanted to, right from the beginning, I really wanted to, I was like, wow, this is perfect. I really want to teach this course.

00:50:48 --> 00:50:59

And my mom didn't ask me, she asked my husband, can they make this course? And only after he said Yes, I was allowed.

00:51:00 --> 00:51:18

Only after he said yes. Because this is going to affect him. Right? It's a long term commitment. Any course I've taught any subject, I've taught any work that I do I have to take my husband's permission, I have to, because he is my Okawa, I have to do that.

00:51:19 --> 00:51:43

Yes, it might be difficult for me that I feel so restricted. And this is not fair, I should be able to make my own decisions. I'm an adult, you know, this is not right. You may have such feelings, but you know what, he's your husband, you have to listen to him, you have to ask him. And when you ask him, then you have a support. When you don't ask him and you go on doing whatever you want to do yourself, then you will not have a support.

00:51:45 --> 00:52:12

So remember, no matter who you are, no matter what your status is, no matter what your job is, no matter how much money you make, no matter how qualified you are, at the end of the day, your husband is still your Qalam he is still boss, and you have to accept him as boss. Because you don't exist on your own your husband is a part of you, is a part of your life, a major part.

00:52:16 --> 00:52:38

Every place has a system, and you have to follow that system. If you don't, you're gonna ruin it. In a business firm. You know, there's a CEO, and people have to listen to him, they have to ask him before they want to take a major step. And if they don't, they'll be fired, right? Or they will face problems at work. So likewise, when you want to do something, you have to take your husband's permission.

00:52:39 --> 00:53:16

All right. Now this doesn't mean you ask him, can I buy these cherries? Can I buy these socks? Is it okay? They're 299. And with DAX, there'll be this much money, don't bother him on these little things. I mean, what is my aloof is acceptable, but what is out of normal, you have to take his permission, that it's very important for the husband and wife to communicate with each other, that if there's any decision they want to make, they don't make it independently rather they consult one another. And then they make a decision because if a person makes a decision without the consultation of the other, then what happens the other fields left out in her immediately. And this kind of ruins

00:53:16 --> 00:53:20

the relationship. So it's very important to communicate.

00:53:21 --> 00:54:03

So half a lot to the lady be my Havel Allah and be my half Allah Allah has ultimate understood in another way, that they should be responsible when the husband is away. Why? Because Allah has protected the women. Women should be obedient to the husbands why? Because Allah has protected the women. Allah is protecting you in the relationship that you are in with your husband, who is being protected, the woman is being protected. Remember almost one at four to five protected so when you have been protected through your husband, then please listen to him. When he spends money on you, then please listen to him. When he is responsible over you, then please look after his well being as

00:54:03 --> 00:54:07

well. He is making money to spend on you cook food so that he's healthy.

00:54:08 --> 00:54:16

See what I mean? Look after him as well. You're being looked after you look after him as well. So it's a two way relationship

Share Page

Related Episodes