Strive to be a better husband

Sulaimaan Ravat


Channel: Sulaimaan Ravat

File Size: 18.84MB

Episode Notes

Share Page

Transcript ©

AI generated text may display inaccurate or offensive information that doesn’t represent Muslim Central's views. Thus,no part of this transcript may be copied or referenced or transmitted in any way whatsoever.

00:00:00--> 00:00:02

Assalamualaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh

00:00:03--> 00:00:53

honorable orama respected brothers, mothers and sisters, today we live in the world where everything is about being the best. You are encouraged, you are motivated, you are pushed there in whichever field you are in whichever profession you are, in whichever arena you are, you should endeavor you should aspire to be the best. Islam is not necessarily against being the best when it comes to material things. But our Deen teaches us about being the best in those things. Wait is really with you being the best. This is a statement of Rasulullah sallallahu wasallam that I want to share with you in this regard, where the number of Allah says Heroku Heroku denisa him. The best of you are

00:00:53--> 00:01:42

those who are the best to the womenfolk. And our Nabhi was not the one who only talk the talk, he walked the walk and he said Heroku minister him that I am the best of you to my womenfolk. So it's not only that I'm advocating to you that be good to the women folk. I am telling you that I am the best of you when it comes to my women for this month of August is termed internationally as women's month. There are many throughout the world who would have different things to say about women's rights. Many of those things are justified and on its place. Others exaggerated, others understated. But what is our Deen tell us? Now one is the broader discussion pertaining to how you treat women in

00:01:42--> 00:02:26

general, your mothers, your sisters, your daughters, women in society. But today because the audience is primarily male, I want to focus on one aspect that we don't focus on often enough. And that is how do you treat your wife strive to become a better husband? upfront I want to say to the many like me who are happily married Mashallah, this is a live broadcast, I gotta cover the base, you know. But anyway, even if you are happily married, there's always room for improvement. There is no businessman, even the one who has become a great grandfather. He's got about 25 shops, or two and a half dozen shops. He's Becky's hands, but he's always on the lookout, how do I improve my

00:02:26--> 00:03:05

business? And he takes pride in that. That is how you define an astute businessman that is always on the lookout, that how can I improve is never satisfied with the status quo. One of the greatest reservoirs of Happiness is your marriage. The cornerstone of a functional society is blissful marriages. Yet, those of us who are happily married, that's why I'm addressing those who Whose marriage is in the crisis, you require individual attention, you require a specific focus in terms of what is your issue, I'm saying those who consider themselves happily married, there's so much more happiness that you can derive from the union.

00:03:06--> 00:03:51

I always give this example. They say marriage is like a garden. They don't think of the garden fork, right? They say marriage is like the garden in this sense, that if you work at your garden for six months, you make sure the lawn is pristine, you prune the trees, you trim the plants, you cannot say that I'm going to take a six month break, because I've worked for six months. If you do that, after six months, all of your effort will be down the drain. If you want that flourishing garden, you need to consistently work at it. Marriage is in many ways the same if you want it to give the happiness that it can give the satisfaction and the contentment that it can give, then you need to constantly

00:03:51--> 00:04:06

work at it. Otherwise, it will become like that man who went to the pharmacist. And he said, You know what? Give me something I'm gonna kill myself. man said no, no, no. So he took out his marriage certificate. The man said, Okay, now you got a prescription. Now we can talk.

00:04:07--> 00:04:40

So what does Islam say about the rights of the wife? And generally, when we talk about this, men tend to become a little defensive. And they say, yeah, you know, but you talk about this in public than the women who sit in our heads. And what about what they have to do? I think we need to be somewhat mature about this. There are times when we address the system specifically, and Islam has given rights to men as well. But the Western world focuses and obsesses about rights. So every time you tell the husband something says, Well, what about my wife who needs to do that? And every time you tell the wife something, she says, what about the husband who needs to do that? In Islam? No

00:04:40--> 00:04:59

more important than your rights is your obligations. When the husband rests in his grave? Alone? Ask him what was your wife supposed to do for you? Allah will say, Did you fulfill your responsibility to your wife? What's she supposed to do? She will have to answer for so as a general principle in Islam, you focus more on what you have

00:05:00--> 00:05:39

Have to do and not what the next party has to do for you. So indeed, men have rights. And indeed, men have a status. And indeed, there are many things that women need to take into consideration. And there are some things where women fall short. But today we speaking to ourselves and on a serious note, I speak to myself included, I'm also married, I would like to think so happily, but we all have to strive to be better husbands, we have to strive to be better husbands, there is a lot of room for improvement. The greatest motivation that you will find in this regard is in the verse of the Quran, which I recited in my introduction, we LSA is huashi ruhuna, Bill maruf. Allah Himself

00:05:39--> 00:06:28

intercedes for the wife and says, treated kindly, I am asking you, I am your Creator, your sustained, you're not sure your child is your maker, I am asking you that this is my slave girl, whom you have taken into your nikka by my name in my house, by my will and decree, I am asking you take good care of her. There can be no greater motivation. Whether she appreciates or not, is a secondary issue. Obviously, as a human, if your wife appreciates, and better still, if she reciprocates, it makes it wonderful. But we have an obligation to Allah, irrespective What is her counter treatment, because we will have to stand before a long day of karma. Allah will say I

00:06:28--> 00:06:36

entrusted you, with the slave girl have miles now unsaid to me in terms of how you have treated

00:06:37--> 00:07:14

and Muslim as Muslims, we always keep that verse of Sodor of man before us. What do you mean? How pharmacom Robbie, Jonathan, if you consistently think of the fact that you will have to stand before line account in the day of kiama, for you is double reward. That is the essence of taqwa, that you are conscious of the fact that it's not about doing it for this person's gratitude. It's about doing it because that's my obligation to Allah. If the president of the country or if the king of the time has to say, here's my daughter, I'm asking you treat her well, and ultimately, you will be accountable to me. Helman even if she's a woman from janome, you'll treat her well.

00:07:16--> 00:07:55

You treat her well, because of that fear of accountability that a father is someone This is a law saying when she's young, you will treat her well because of inclination, because at times you got to figure like a trigger, but when she gets a bit old, and instead of getting the beautiful aroma of the latest perfume, you only smelling vixen zemba then you treat her well out of obligation to Allah. Now Shinobu has a finger like a trick mo is like more like an oil drum. But then to your loyalty is to Allah. Secondly, so that's the first thing I wanted to mention. The greatest motivation to be a good husband is the fact that Allah is asking us allies in joining us allies

00:07:55--> 00:08:38

advocating allies emphasizing allies encouraging why Sharona Bill maruf treat them well treat them well. The second big problem we have as men is that we have a roving eye, we have a roving eye, we're always looking at the glass, not on the other side, but in the far distance. And we thinking big things and we're having big dreams, but then creates a kind of dissatisfaction with what Allah has decided for us. You know, we need to reaffirm our belief in a deal. They will always be a woman, they will always be a woman who would be seemingly more beautiful than your wife, they will always be a woman who would be seemingly more charming than your wife, there will always be a woman who

00:08:38--> 00:08:52

would seemingly be more obedient than your wife. If you're always going to be looking elsewhere, you will never be satisfied. That's why Islam puts so much emphasis on lowering the gaze. Your wife is not the best, but she's the best for you.

00:08:53--> 00:09:31

She's not the most beautiful, they'll always be somebody more beautiful. She's not the best cook, they'll always be somebody who's the better cook but for you, she's the best. That what is that's what Allah has chosen for you. So reaffirm your belief in taqdeer that this woman in my marriage is the one that Allah has chosen for me. And like we know in life many times the grass is not greener. On the other side. Psychologists talk about the 9010 syndrome. You have 90% of what you need in your spouse. She falls short in 10%. You seeking the 10% so you see elsewhere, but by the time you get there you find she's only got the 10% is lacking the 90

00:09:33--> 00:09:55

there was this incident of one man that I read somewhere. You know, sometimes people have a midlife crisis. So after five children suddenly he divorced his wife. She asked why what did I do? I fell out of love with you. I fell out of love with you. So I found a you know as they say young sticky finger like a trigger, got married to her a couple years down the line he got ill he was bedridden.

00:09:56--> 00:09:59

Now he needed somebody to help him to the bathroom.

00:10:00--> 00:10:35

He needed somebody to help him change that young sticky with a finger like a trigger test for the front door. They said this is not what I signed up for. So Allah knows what is in your future. Allah knows what's your destiny Allah is choosing a spouse for you. Be content with Alice choice. You know sometimes as men we talked lightheartedly about the rules about the demos of gender and those are reality there's no doubt about it. We are not apologetic it's mentioned in the Quran and online his wisdom knows why he is decreed certain things for men and why he has decreed certain things for women. But we forget we forget you know, we talk and sometimes in a light hearted way myself

00:10:35--> 00:11:14

included we we kind of jest and we give a side job to the to the wife and we say you know what's waiting for me when when Allium so beautifully said treat her well so that it becomes a ticket to Jenna. To enjoy the rules you first have to get Bay. If you want to, you know use it dreaming about getting to Hawaii but you can't afford a ticket. So you first need to get into Jelena before you can talk with thinking about enjoying the horse. But what about the narration of almost Santa Marta de la Juana where she said that your wife of this world will far surpass the hooves of Jenna in beauty in Jana besotted in our CRM in our favor that to him, because those rules in general have been

00:11:14--> 00:11:56

created exclusively for one purpose. Yo wife worship Allah in this world, she's far more honored in the sight of Allah. This is your tour of the world and your queen of the horrors of Jana. Don't lose sight of that. Don't lose sight of that. So that's the second thing be content, what Alice chose for you. The third thing that I want to mention, and I mean, this is a very important topic. It has many facets, it has many dimensions, it has many angles to it. So we just kind of scraping the surface a few pivotal issues. The third thing is what is our attitude in general towards our wives, many of us will love our wives. We work hard, we work hard to financially look after them. look after the

00:11:56--> 00:12:36

children. Most men spend more on their wife and kids than they spend on themselves. That's the reality. I'll appreciate that. In the law you do not sin. But unfortunately the nature of this rat race of life that we live, it sometimes creates an imbalance in the in the manner in which we live. And then we end up living as husband and wife as one family. Like we live in a hotel. You know, people who live in a hotel, they under the same roof, they eat the same food, but they are total strangers to one another. Emotionally they're disconnected. So today you will find husband and wife sitting 50 centimeters apart from each other on the same bed under the same roof having eaten the

00:12:36--> 00:13:09

same dinner, but no sparks are flying. If the wife wants to make her husband laugh, she needs to send him a WhatsApp. Then only when he gets it when he physically and then only when he gets it meaning what it meant to register mentally. Otherwise, the wife is talking you're making Yes, yes, yes. And after a while, she said What did I say? This was the question of when Karen nickeil Oh, what did I say? You don't know what she said that you start fumbling and stumbling. And you've tried to be creative, as you say. But you didn't hear a thing I said though sometimes I mean, we understand pressures of work the rigors of a fast paced life. But look at that famous couplets of

00:13:09--> 00:13:50

eyeshadow the love on her. She says that the nebia for LA who had not one but nine spouses who had not responsibility of one business or one family had the responsibility of the whole oma but after a hard day's work at the office. When he used to walk into the house she says the horizons have a son Lana shamisen. One in Timpson. One is when there is darkness of the night. And that darkness is envelope by the rising of the sun. Our son is when our husband used to come home at night. It used to be like the radiance used to come into the home and totally overwhelm all the darkness. How many of our wives honestly can say this about us? Sometimes we have to one day you get stuck in traffic

00:13:50--> 00:14:06

your phone, you say I'll be about 15 minutes late. After she cuts the cord. She says Alhamdulillah 15 minutes of reprieve because you come home grumpy you take all the stress from outside you dump it on your wife, the irony of life, we treat the people we love the most the worst.

00:14:07--> 00:14:46

At work, you'll smile, you smile, the fake smile because the boss signs the check. The rep will be treating you in a bad way but you want the business so you will force yourself to be kind. And then those people whom you love and who truly love you. You come and you come home and you dump all of that stress on them. You take all of their frustration on them. You show them the worst side of you the rest of the world you show the best side of you. Whereas Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam when he used to come home it was like the the radiance emerging and the radiance of rising within the confines of the home. You know, a lighthearted note. They say there was this one man. He was

00:14:46--> 00:14:59

very stingy. His whole life. He gave his wife nothing. And then he became terminally ill he was diagnosed and it was not only a matter of time, so one day he's sitting with the wife and the wife

00:15:00--> 00:15:06

You know, any last desire? So he said, Yeah, when I die, take my money and put it in the coffin.

00:15:08--> 00:15:34

So she was gobsmacked, dumbfounded dumbstruck, I mean this man his whole life, he gave nothing and now he wants to take it with. So the day he died in the body was there and the menfolk came to pick it up to take it now to the graveyard shift to the small parcel into the coffin. And as they were going through the women folks started rebuking and what you're doing that is your lawful inheritance for you and your children, don't worry about what he had to say. So she said, No, I wrote him a check down day, we can cache that he can keep it.

00:15:36--> 00:16:18

Women are always one step ahead. Many times, many times men who Ill treat their wives they use anger as an excuse. Anger is a reality, but it's not an excuse. Anger is something which is there, but you need if you truly a man, if you're truly a man, you need to learn to control your anger. You need to learn to curb your anger, you need to remind yourself that a if my son in law would Ill treat my daughter would I accept anger as an excuse. Of course, my wife is not perfect, but how would I like my son in law to treat my daughter with all of her imperfections. In a similar way I should treat somebody else's daughter with all of her imperfections.

00:16:19--> 00:17:03

Because Allah one says to do that, that is the request of Allah that is the dictate of Allah. Those men who are abusing their wives if not physically then verbally if not verbally, then emotionally, let me sort of La Hollywood send them a sound that out loud warning it that the that will tell him or the loom Be very careful of the drama of that person who is oppressed. A woman has made great sacrifice, because she is the one who leaves the family, her family to join your family. Sometimes because she wants to keep the family together. She will stomach she will keep quiet. She will tolerate but even she can prevent that from the bottom of her heart. And that door can break your

00:17:03--> 00:17:42

empire. That door can break all your success in your career, because that is the power of an oppressed servant of Allah barakaatuh you know, you want to be a man. We normally look at that verse of the Quran. Allah says our region over Muna Allah Nisa, of course, it's a verse of the Quran, we believe in it. Man has been granted guardianship over women. But what does the guardianship mean? It's not a license to abuse, it means you have to do more. You have to go and earn a living. It's your responsibility. You have to tolerate more. Because Allah has created within you the capacity to tolerate more varied work. That's what it means to be a guardian over your wife and a garden over

00:17:42--> 00:18:29

your family. It's not a license to abuse and being humans from time to time we falter we earn, you know, whether it is ceremoniously or whether it's sincerely every now and then we ask each other form of either on the day of it but how often if ever, how often if ever, did we ask our wives to forgive us? strive to become a better husband, strive to become a better husband. It will bring you greater happiness in this world. It will strengthen your family unit and it will create a greater and a stronger community and oma you know today the world over. People are saying unity unity unity, the oma is disunited. Of course it is. But how do we become united? It's not the Arab leaders

00:18:29--> 00:18:46

sitting there on the Eiffel Towers that one day if they develop a conscience, then all of us will become united. Unity doesn't come from the top down, it comes from the bottom up. If you can be united in your marriage. If one family can be united, if one congregation can be united, then how will they ever be united.

00:18:47--> 00:19:29

So unity the cornerstone of a functional community is a solid marriage. And a solid marriage can only be solid if the marriage itself is solid. That home will only be a good home if the husband and wife on a good footing and the weaker marriages are the weaker we will have families the weaker we will have communities and the weaker the home will be. So if you want to play your part towards the unity of the oma, start by treating your wife better, and Allah has created such capacity within a woman, that the better you treat her in most cases, she will reciprocate with greater kindness, greater affection, greater obedience, greater compliance, that is the system of Allah. But you know,

00:19:29--> 00:19:48

we need to understand the temperament of a woman. Nowadays everyone says man and woman are equal Of course they are from an Islamic perspective. But Islam says they are equal but not identical. They are equal but not identical. In terms of being the servants of Allah man Amina Sally Hamza, caring for them not even know.

00:19:49--> 00:19:59

If a man reads two rockets of Salah he doesn't get double the reward of a woman. He has a particular role function in which Allah has given him a rank over a woman. But in terms of being servants of Allah, you equal

00:20:00--> 00:20:38

But you are not identical. The function of husband and wife of man and woman in Islam is complimentary not competitive. The Western world is the more a woman becomes like a man, the more the saluda. In Islam, we say a man has certain strengths a woman has certain strengths, pool your strengths in a partnership, and that is when you will thrive. That is in you, that is when you will thrive as a couple. So nobody said Ali Salim said something. And many of us find it difficult to understand, but it's really so simple and so beautiful. There'll be a fella said, a woman is like a crooked rip. If you try to straighten her you will break. So feminists, they say no, this is this

00:20:38--> 00:21:16

can be an authentic it is the easiest way to get out of it. Because it's derogatory towards women. It's not. It's the greatest psychological tool to understanding the unique temperament of a woman. Because if you look at her rip, rip is meant to be crooked. When you see a crooked rip, that is how a rep is supposed to be. When a rep is straight. There is when there's something wrong with the rep. So there will be a fella did not say it in a pejorative way, that the woman is like a crooked rep, meaning she's crooked. And I think you know what the number you follow is explained, the nature of a rep is that it has to be crooked in order for it to fulfill its function, don't go try and

00:21:16--> 00:21:51

straighten it. So a woman has a different temperament to a man, because she requires a different temperament to fulfill her function. There's nothing wrong with her temperament. There's nothing wrong with your temperament, but it's not identical. Don't try and make a woman like a man and a man should not become like a woman. Because that is when you become competitive rather than complimentary. So women are more sensitive women are more fragile. That is what the nuclear family is saying, Don't pewter, don't interfere because you're going to break it. It's not the rocketry towards women, it's actually making us understand how to treat women on on their own unique terms.

00:21:51--> 00:22:27

The greatest insult to a woman is to judge her by the standard of a man. So you say you want to emancipate a woman, but you say you only emancipated when you become like a man. You're not you're not judging a woman by her own unique standards. So when when you and I come over the bathroom, we just throw the washing day for us. It's like nothing. But in her temperament, it's something so the number of fertilizing accommodated temperament. If she wants it in the washing basket, put it in the washing basket. If she wants you to put your shoe straight and put it in your shoe straight, accommodate the temperament of your wife as much as you can. Don't roll up your sleeves and say my

00:22:27--> 00:23:10

house, my clothes, my washing basket. When was a listen to you? It is the son of Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam to accommodate the temperament of your wife. She cannot totally become a clone of you. She cannot totally conform to your style to your thinking to your methodology. She'll have a good she'll have a bad focus on the good overlook the bad. be pragmatic, be sober in your approach to life. You're not perfect. How dare you expect perfection in your wife? You're not perfect. How dare you expect perfection in your wife? appreciate what Allah has given you. And work with that work with that. Don't take the simple things for granted. One scholar one day went to

00:23:10--> 00:23:49

someone's house. And you and I were so fortunate, you know anybody's coming? Yes, come home big hours. We do nothing but pay that woman slugs for days, right? We walk in when it's time to entertain the guests. We go to sleep as the guest exits. She has to sleep before she goes to sleep after the scholar came. He ate and from behind the door. He he expressed his appreciation to the woman that you know beautiful meal wonderful, delicious. She started crying. Why are you crying? No. Because still today, nobody has thanked me. Nobody has thanked me. See brother says I conclude Let me tell you one thing. The devil will always make us get into the state for debt. Okay, but the

00:23:49--> 00:24:22

Maulana said this that we must do for her. But she's not doing that for me. As I said in the beginning, you go nowhere slowly with that kind of an attitude in life. Allah will not ask you in the grave. What was your wife supposed to do for you? Allah will ask you, what were you supposed to do for her? And even if you're doing that which you are technically obliged to do, the more you go beyond that, the greater your reward and you're standing in the eyes of Allah because Allah says, I want you to three tell Well, why should one double maruf The more you treat your wife, well, the greater your happiness, the greater the strength of your family unit, and that good treatment will

00:24:22--> 00:24:59

perpetuate because your son will see how you treat his mother and one day he will treat his wife in a similar manner. So focus on what you have to do, not what your wife has to do for you. The more you do what you have to do, Allah will grant her the ability to do what she needs to do. In conclusion, let me just mentioned the statement of Rasulullah sallallahu Sallam because many of us we have this macho man tendency you know we feel that I need to show my wife who wears the pants whenever your father said yes live in a karimun libo hoon Allah Haman, if you control your wife, you are wretched. If your wife controls you, you are noble. If your wife controls you, you're a good

00:24:59--> 00:24:59


00:25:00--> 00:25:07

If you control your wife, you're not so good. Why? Because a woman by her very nature, she needs some latitude, you know, to throw a bit of a tantrum now and then

00:25:08--> 00:25:46

you know now and then to show her own nature. So then if Allah says, If you man enough to tolerate that, and to accommodate that, then you're a good person. But if you such an insecure human, that every time she steps one inch out of your parameters, you come down on her like a sledgehammer, then you're a wretched woman. If you have to have tolerance in life, then why not have it for your wife? If you have to be accommodating and lenient with other people, for your business benefit? Why can't you be accommodating with the mother of your children? So then it'll be a fun lesson. If you love me, then let me tell you what is my preference? My preference is that I rather be a man whose wife

00:25:46--> 00:26:21

takes a little bit of advantage of him, but in the sight of a lion on it. I don't want to be a man who rules with the Iron Fist or in the sight of a lion or ratchet. So I say to myself as a husband, and I say to all the men listening to me or those who will listen to the message, take a decision right now right here in the house of a live this noble hour, that yes, we are doing a lot for our wives, but we are going to strive to become better husbands. We are going to strive to become better husbands for the pleasure of Allah. Each one of us are Muslims. And I'll leave you with this thoughts. Like you want to be the best in your business or in your career or in your profession.

00:26:21--> 00:26:57

strive to be the best Muslim and you can never be the best Muslim until you are good to your wife and your women folk. Because the wF Allah said Pharaoh come to complain. He said him, the best of you, those who are the best to the women folk. The world will celebrate Women's Day this August. But you and I can celebrate Women's Day not only in this world, but in the akhira by being good to women folk in general, and especially our wives strive to become a better husband. May Allah grant me an order was the tofik was sent along with cinemavilla calendar, Vina Muhammad wa ala alameen wa salam aleikum wa rahmatullah wa