Why Does My Life Suck
Channel: Muhammad West
File Size: 24.59MB
bIllahi min ash shaytani R rajim Bismillah R Rahman r Rahim Al hamdu Lillahi Rabbil Alameen wa Salatu was Salam ala Sayidina Muhammad Ali he or SOFIA Jemaine, my beloved brothers and sisters are set up ma they come Warahmatullahi Wabarakatuh
Al hamdu Lillahi Rabbil Alameen always and forever we begin by praising Allah subhanaw taala and inshallah Allah Allah if Allah will testify we declare that there is none worthy of worship besides Allah subhanho wa Taala and we send our greetings and our love our salutation. So beloved Nabina Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, to his pious in his pure family, to his companions, and all those who follow his sunnah until the end of time, may Allah bless us to be amongst them. Meanwhile, hamdulillah Al Hamdulillah. Today, we get to talk about disappointment. And we've all felt disappointment. Disappointment is when your favorite sporting team we should be winning, we should
succeed. And they fail. That feeling when you go to the restaurant with your friends. And you look at the menu, you don't know what to order, your food comes and it looks so nice. But then he's comes it looks so much better. And you're disappointed in what what you bought that feeling of expecting something good, but the reality let you down. And for many people last week, I spoke about letting go and trusting Allah's plans. Because for many of us, when we look at our lives now we have the feeling, I'm not where I thought I would be. I haven't achieved what I planned to achieve. My life is a bit disappointing, either in total, or in certain aspects. And so let's talk about this. Let's
talk about disappointment. And how a Muslim navigates this.
The psychologists, they mentioned that disappointment comes as a result of as we said, expectations that are unfulfilled and expectations. There's three ways in which you have expectations that get unfulfilled.
For many of us, when we compare our lives, our reality, our career, our families, our marriages, we are comparing it to something which is unreal and imagination, a fairytale. You compare your looks for the sisters, for example, they compare themselves to photoshopped models on the magazine cover. That's not reality.
You compare your marriage to a Hollywood romance, where they are always happy. They're always laughing. There's never fights, and you compare your daily your marriage to that and you think something wrong with our marriage, or you compare your career where they'll be selling, see, oh, that one in a billion, who managed to hit it big. You don't look at the other 900 million or 900, the woman who lost the way when went bankrupt, but you can pay your career we should be based on those who have heated big, you can pay your kids to an idealized my kids are going to be happy with. And they're going to be first in the class. And they're going to be sporty and there'll be popular
and we put this unrealistic reality, unrealistic imagination, expectation. And when the reality materializes, not the way we thought, we then feel despondent. When and we grew up many of us we grew up at a time when we were told you were special. You can do anything, reach for the moon reach for the stars, and every person will make it big and be amazing. And when you realize that life isn't extraordinary, your life isn't bad, but it's ordinary. You feel almost like I was I failed in somebody Gods How will I be satisfied with an ordinary job and ordinary career and ordinary marriage and ordinary house? So don't get confused with make believe compared to reality and that's where
many people lose out and Allah subhanho wa Taala reminds us about this, that what we are chasing after is a fairy tale. It's not real. This dunya in itself is just one fairy tale one make believe to the next when Allah says Allah mu Allah says no be away. Animal higher the animal higher to dunya that very this life is live well. It starts off as amusement and games and playing as a child. You're all about entertainment through games playing running around.
What Xena and then you move on to looking beautiful and attracting members of the opposite sex you move from your childhood age to your teenage age, your teenage years what's the regime
potent thing about teenagers, or young adults looking good and being accepted in the tribe, whatever from buying a gun, and then you move to the next stage in your life when you become an adult, it's all about competition between yourself and each other, between money and children.
You're always competing, you're on a, on a ladder or on a treadmill. That you don't realize, why am I here? What am I doing? Allah says, this is a delusion Alesis camera, this that you're busy with, is like a plant that grows and looks pretty for a moment for a few days, and then he dies and with us.
And then it becomes dead and scattered. All that effort all that running around, have no use, it ends it comes to an end. And so Allah says, Be away, that this life is a delusion. It's a fairy tale. It's fake. And what you're chasing after is gonna die. Literally everything is going to come to an end. So that's the one reason why we feel despondent and depressed, that we are comparing our lives to a fairytale life that will never be achieved. You will never get the alerts telling you, the end of your life is what send no matter who you are, the end of your life is dust. That's where you're going to end for everybody guaranteed.
The second Allah Allah says, Well, Phil Aarthi Rottie when he mentions that in the Ophira, but the earth era, if you're going to chase after something, the athlete or these other Bucha D, there is great punishment in akhira. Or Murphy Rockman. Allah, why did one and his pleasure woman higher to dunya Illa. Mata Hooroo. And Allah says the akhira is the only thing that is real. So what is this dunya except a passing even those who get the fun out of the dunya it's only momentary it will not last. The second reason why we feel despondent is when we compare our lives. So besides, we compete to make believe life, we compare our lives to others. We look at our co workers, our colleagues, our
brothers, our siblings, look at where they are in their marriages, in the kids in their money in their careers. How many times and this is, especially with professional people, how many times you will find for the day, then you log onto Facebook and you saw someone else's holiday and something affected you or you saw on LinkedIn, someone got a promotion a we started off together that guy is now in the director level. I'm still Yes, an analyst. What happened? How did I go off track how many of us have done that, and felt eight but I was good in school and how have I fallen behind.
So many times we compare our reality and our problems to someone else's, not the life but the Instagram life. They edited, well manicured Instagram life, you don't see the problems that they have. You don't see that while Allah has maybe not given you one blessing, Allah has given you something, he hasn't given it to them. And so the reality of someone else, you can never compare your reality to someone else's reality. And that's why the inhibition says, Beware of being envious or looking at others with desire because this feeling consumes virtue now not only your good deeds, many times when you have this hadith that has said, consumes your good deeds, it's translated that
it will consume the Bible that you do your Salah becomes besides for that, it consumes your blessings. Now, the wife that you are happy with often log on to Facebook. Now you see all the footfalls your career, which was fine. But then you heard someone else's post about how amazing their career is. And that's such a good day at work. Now you feel oh, my job isn't so nice anymore. And so the good things in your life, you begin to diminish it. So don't do this, that I mean says, because this thing will destroy the good things in your life, like a fire burns through grass. And then there are businesses, but a short way of finding prosperity of goodness, is look at those who
are lower than you financially. But none of those who are financially better than you because what are you going to do? You're going to belittle and diminish the blessings that Allah has given you, many psychologists in terms of happiness and disappointment. They also talk about how much you earn if everybody if I if I told you I'm gonna give you a million Rand cash, will you be happy? Also say yes, but what if I gave you a million but I gave everybody 2 million. You're not going to think about that million, you're gonna think about the one that you lost the money that you had. That's normally reality, for example, another very, very for and you can Google this, you can check the
pictures, would you rather come get the bronze medal in the Olympics or the silver medal? Most of us it's silver medal is better. But if you look at the pictures, the guy who got the silver is devastated because he lost the gold. Whereas the guy who got the bronze, he's so happy I got to the podium. And so it's not about what you get. But it's in your comparative to those around, you have to benchmark against those around you. If you are in the wealthier suburb, but you the poorest guy on the street, you're always going to feel poor, but if you the wealthiest guy in a very poor suburb, you're going to feel like a millionaire.
And other cities. If you surround yourself with unattractive friends, you're going to feel like you are good looking even if you're not so good looking. So maybe that's why you you know your friends, they call you out Subhanallah so that's the reality. We
benchmark ourselves to those around us. And we shouldn't do this. This is not an Islamic concept. You are not competing with anybody else. You're only competing with yourself. And Allah subhanaw taala. And to get to Allah, there are businesses if you are going to compete, if you are going to look at someone else and say, What are you doing? What did you get, the only thing you should compete is about how much more good deeds I can do. The only person you should look look at and say, I wish I could have your what Allah has given you is where someone Allah has given them knowledge or the ability to do a better, they give charity, and the more charity they do, the more the better
they do, that's what you should aspire, because Allah Subhana Allah is the objective. And he says Solon, Salem,
and this is for those again, who post. So looking his bed, logging on his bed and searching what's happening is bad, it's gonna make you Allah is gonna make you miserable. Don't do it. And it's even worse for you to be posting why that makes me seek help in the fulfillment of your needs, by doing it discreetly. For everyone who's given a blessing will be envied. It's just human nature. You bring upon yourself envy, you bring upon yourself misfortune. And you must ask yourself, Why am I putting this picture of my holiday? Or my kids or my breakfast? Online? Why? mentors? It's for memories. No, no, you can save it on your phone. You can put it in their album if you want to. But it's not it's
for others to see, because you're competing.
It's a deep sense of insecurity and that is will make your bidding misfortune on you. So that's the second reason why we are miserable. We are comparing ourselves to others, and you're not in a race with anybody else. The third reason where your expectations in your life might have fallen short, is you compete today to the past. And we know life has ups and downs. Today, you on top and tomorrow, you might lose. That's the nature of life. In fact, Allah says the natural progression of life is going to lose everything. You will be on a decline you will become less attractive, less financially secure, weaker, everything is gonna go down if you live long enough.
Allah has even says in Surah Yaseen one No, I'm Miru let's see who will hug. Whoever we give long life, we diminish him piece by piece in life, we take away bits and bits until there's nothing left Subhanallah that's not for me. So if you present is what so one of the reasons why we feel miserable is if our present is worse than our past. We think about the holidays, we went if you had some super stuff and a five star holidays, you want business growth. Now that economy class flight is not so nice anymore. Right now that three star hotel is also a nice, like the five star hotel that you used to go to. And that is why wealthy kids struggle future in their life. Because wealth isn't
guaranteed. So they grew up being pampered and things were beautiful. It's very difficult as a human being going backwards financially. And so one of the things that will give you happiness is a as they said, no one can guarantee this, but a gradual increase in wellbeing. So they will say the psychologist said you never ever take a massive 10 million Rand payout today. rather take little bits of money incrementally, even though it won't be 10 million, but you will feel like you're winning every day. Whereas you get 10 million you'll win today. But every day, the next 10 years, you're losing, you're just going down.
But from an Islamic perspective, we don't fixate on the past. Then responses, the strong believer, the successful believers strongly I mean, successful, wealthy, Allah is better than they put them and more beloved to Allah than the weak believer, the Muslim was striving and he's doing well is more beloved to Allah than the one who is struggling, although Allah says there is good in both Allah loves them both. But the one who's going out there and he's he's, he's crushing it, he's dominating he's doing good, that's better to Allah Subhanallah but both are good. So there'll be some since then strive to do that which will benefit you work hard for that which will be good for
you and seek the help of Allah and never feel helpless. Never feel like your situation is beyond that you can't move beyond the situation and if anything befalls you meaning negative if you things didn't work out the business failed, the marriage didn't work out you got a divorce, your career failed, then what must you do? Don't ever say if only I did this and that if I don't worry play and loving that regret. Don't ever say that in fact that this is blame put it on cada se cada Allah Masha Allah intended this I couldn't find Qatar except for sin. You can't ever blame Allah for sin.
So if your marriage didn't work out not because of any sin that you did, your career didn't work out not for anything that you did. You didn't succeed in the exam you apply didn't get they say to yourself, Allah decreed this for me cut down Allah he's not that nothing to do with me. I was not inferior in any way. Yes, learn from the process. Don't keep doing the same mistakes, but put it Allah's decree and move forward. This is the mindset of a Muslim. We don't live in regret. We don't live in in this past in the past, because Allah has decreed and whatever Allah decrees will happen, and because there are businesses he gets this if only opens the door
To shake on, then we start doubting Allah. And we start doubting our degrees. So how do we overcome this because we all experienced this, you can't? Well, one way is you just delete all your Facebook and LinkedIn and everything, delete all of it, you know, throw your cell phone away and get a landline. Maybe that's one one way of doing it.
But we should have expectations. We should have dreams and hopes PART of our PART OF A Nia is desiring something better. Nia is not just no way to an honor that that's not a Nia. Nia is a goal. It's a dream I want to get there, that's an area we should have an ear. So how do you overcome expectations versus reality? Because it would never turn out the way we plan Allah plans where we plan to always be Allah's plan that succeeds. So some advices and this is where Tawakkol comes in. Tawakkol as we spoke about last week, trusting in Allah, having faith in Allah is telling yourself that my plan is subject to Allah's plan. And what happens is, Allah's plan will always materialize.
And Allah subhanho wa Taala his plan for me is Jana. Your plan is I said last week, to get the holiday to get the car to get that's what you planning Allah's plan is I want to get this guy to Jana. That's Allah's plan. And whatever happens that you don't like, Allah is planning for me, this wasn't good for me. So Allah has put me on a different path. And it's, it's a mental shift in this beautiful Hadith and everyone says, Allah Himself says, I am as my slave thinks of me. I am the way you think of me. That if you perceive Allah as being merciful and kind and that's how I would be. And if you perceive Allah in a negative sense, then that's how you find Allah. And I with him,
whenever he remembers Me, Allah says, I'm with you. Whenever you think of me, I'm with you. You're never alone. So just that mental shift, that my life is we it mean, it was meant to be, as we spoke about last week now be Musa from being a prince, to being a murderer on the run, exiled in the middle of the desert of nowhere, Allah said to sit to be Musa, you have come now.
This was your destiny all along all these steps you have to take, you feel might feel like a failure. But this was cada to prepare you for something much bigger, you have to go through that. So put your faith in Allah.
In a beautiful Hadith and this is especially when you've had disappointment in your life, a divorce, a career, whatever business that failed, beautiful Hadith, that everyone says a person may hope for some some matter of trade of business, or position of authority, you want to get the leadership you want to get to be the guy in charge. Until he is so close to attain, he's almost sure I'm gonna get it everything went so well. I'm gonna get it. Then Allah says, looks at him from above the 70 Reserve. Some says Allah looks at the slave from above the seven heavens. And Allah says to the angels, take this thing away from him, divert it, don't give it to him. Don't give him that money.
Don't give him the job. Don't give him that marriage. Because if he attains it, it will be a means that he enters Jannah. Allah Subhan sees that this thing will lead to the Jana Salah takes it away out of love. Thus Allah diverts from him and the slave of Allah and Allah diverted from him and the slave in other provinces. Then you become pessimistic of Allah. And you say, if this person beat me, this person got it and the knock me and you become think negatively about Allah, when in fact it was a favor from Allah was a gift. It was a gift from Allah. And that was Tawakkol means thanking Allah and genuinely trusting in Him when it's good days and bad days when Allah grant is very difficult.
It's difficult to walk that walk but not Allah granted. So that number two if life doesn't go so sad, good thoughts of Allah number one. Number two, don't blame yourself. Don't blame yourself. Allah says ma sabemos Seba fill out of the Oval Office with the emphasis on whatever calamity befalls the earth or the heavens and the earth or yourself. In Luffy kitab. In Kabul, it was already decreed in a book, cobbler and Nebra before he came into the to reality, this calamity was always going to happen, no matter how much you prepared, how hard you worked, how many hours you put in, that divorce was going to happen. You could not have averted it, some things you can't avoid it.
In another article, a lawyer said and this is Allah, everything is easy for Allah why I'm in the next ayah Allah says, I tell you this Lika Allah. So Allama Fattah calm so that you do not be grieved about what must you what you didn't get. Don't beat yourself up about the failures of your life. It's not nothing to do with you. It is Allah's plan. So Allah tells you, don't beat yourself up about these things. And also don't feel very good about the things that you get was never you was a new Allah subhanho wa Taala had decreed that so don't feel too bad about the things that didn't go so well in your life. It was always planned. And when you look at the blessings of others, also
don't think too highly of them. It's all about them. Allah says, know that they do not have any control over Allah minffordd Allah che in minffordd dilla nobody has any control. You have no input in the blessings that Allah gives you. It's not your prerogative. Wonderful to be a dilla that all blessings is in the hands of Allah
Yo te Hema Yasha he gives to it whoever he wants, how he wants when he wants where he wants, what Allah will do for them. And Allah is able to give Allah has all the treasures and the blessings belongs to Allah. Nothing to do with the recipient. That recipient was at the decree and subject of Allah for sometimes we look at someone's career or the success, and it makes us feel inferior. You look at and swell with kids, we do this, we look at the guy who cuts first. And we think that kids know why what's wrong with you, is we need to work harder. We need to encourage them. But maybe it's got nothing to do with that child or your child. This was part of Allah's plan. And knowing that not
everybody is going to succeed anybody. In fact, nobody's going to succeed in everything. Part of that acceptance takes the burden off your shoulders,
sets pressure off your shoulders, I always need to be the base. My kids have to be the base. My career has to be the base, my marriage has to be the base. No, no, Allah did not require that of us. Another point on this. Remember, Allah didn't require us to be Bellinis verse to be happy to put on for us to be the most pious of people. In fact, he decreed that we'll be sinners. He didn't require that your marriage is gonna be perfect. He didn't require that everything will go right through your life. He required a very basic thing, worship Him alone, and you'll get John, that's it. That's fine puede. That is a successful life. Subhanallah that is what a person that's winning and crushing in
the dunya you must ask yourself, Am I a Muslim and I practicing Muslim Alhamdulillah I'm doing my job. I'm on the path. So focus on and so when you look at your life, don't get fixated about what you don't have fixate on what you do have. Allah says when in doubt, donate amatola Hila Sua, if you begin to sit down and journalize all these panela you know, it frustrates me. When these high paid professionals will, you know, come with revolutionary theories. You say this is 1500 in a book, they'll tell you gratitude to feel good about your life. Journal, your blessings, write them down, you'll feel good about so Allah says we're in town, if you count literally if you enumerate them,
you account for them. Lots of sure you won't be you will, you will run out you won't be able to count all of them in Allahu Allahu Rahim, Allah is very forgiving for our ungratefulness Allah says, I know you're all ungrateful to me. You're also ungrateful to me, but I forgive you, I still keep giving you. So think about what you have how many times Allah has given you how Allah has helped you. And the last point, as I said,
your job my job in this very short 6060 years that our businesses the average lifespan is 60. Anyone who gets more than that is very few. That's your lifespan from a hadith. You've got 60 years. No one cares about how much you made in the bank. No one case how many holidays you went on. Nobody's going to care about that. Ultimately, how do I leave this world in terms of the era the real objective, if your life is a success or failure, Allah says Kulu knifes in diecut remote I'm telling you everything is going to die your kids will die you will die if your money everything is going to go whatever you investing and working in is going to disappear. Well in number two a phone that will
come Yeoman piano only in Yokoyama, will you see the sum total of your life and now you will know if your life was a success or failure or disappointment or success. Allah says very simple. He puts it down for men Xuxa Hanina. What What would they feel Jana for conifers, whoever averts Jana may get to Jana, you want you made it. You successful. You on Times magazine. Best of the Best. Get away from Jana and get to Jana that get away from Jahannam and into Jana, you have succeeded your life is a good life.
Everything else is immaterial. And then Allah says one will hire to dunya and what is this dunya actually ilimitado who wrote a delusion and deception a waste of time. This dunya that you all scared about worried about despondent, about sad about crying about it's waste of time. Think about that. I want to get away from Jana, and I want to go to Ghana. That's your only parameter you're only measure of success. The last Hadith beautiful Hadith, there is going to be winners and losers in this dunya some big winners and big losers in the dunya. So then Allah subhanaw taala will demonstrate Kiama akhira to the dunya. Allah will take the most miserable thing from the beginning
of Numbi Adam until the last man, the is somebody who is the most miserable
person who ever lived. Everything went bad in their life. I was going to take this person were the worst life you can imagine. There was horrible life, Allah will take him and dip him into Jana for a second a blinking of an eye. You will experience Jana for the tiniest amount of time. Allah will ask this man, did you ever feel sadness in your life? And you'll say Well, I never I don't know what sadness means. Jana will be so amazing in for a second. It will make your all your sadness, you'll forget it completely. And similarly, I'll take the most successful, most loved happy the most the person who had the best or life from the time from the item until the last person and Allah will
bring him close to Jana for just a moment. And I'll ask him Did you ever know happiness in your life? You'll say no.
That little bit of Jana? Will food make you forget all your happiness. So Allah says this
Are we focused on? May Allah grant us a life that is pleasing to Him? May Allah grant us a life that He Allah is disappointed in us where we stand before Allah subhanaw taala proud to meet him in that fpml of a life that is worth living. Allah grant has genital fingers and save us from Janam mean just one announcement please please please I'll meet and greet is coming up if you're single you're Amana your jihad. You need to sign up especially our brothers. We are looking for brothers meet and greet happening just come and have a conversation inshallah. You know your family is on your case, have a date, you know, meet someone you can sell Hamdulillah I met 50 Women Alhamdulillah no
problem, right. So please inshallah Maliseet Mala bronchial Tofik I mean chicken and so much more. So let's say that Muhammad was happy, so I'm gonna send in. I'm not a big Alameda, Santa Monica.