ICBCS – Shift Perspective, Not Blame in a Marriage – Conflict At Home

So

the conflict is exacerbated when people shift blame. And the way to solve that is take responsibility for the role that you are contributing to the struggle, right. And so you know, if, you know if there are issues that are happening at home, like your, your spouse is spending a lot of time out of the house, and it's really making you angry, you address the need and everything. But you also ask yourself, well, what how am I contributing to this? Right? Am I you know, as soon as my spouse comes home, am I you know, like, immediately complaining about the fact that he wasn't home before, right? Saying something sarcastic, like, oh, you know, how nice of you to finally join us,

you know, and is that encouraging me to get my needs met is that allowing that to happen? Also the understanding that the way that your needs, the way you want your needs addressed can be very different from the way you want your your spouse wants their needs addressed. So for example, you know, everybody experiences love, respect, care in different ways. So understanding what your spouse needs in order to feel loved, is really, really important, rather than assuming, so firstly, you might be a person who, in order to feel loved, gift giving, is very important to you, when your spouse brings you a gift that really makes you feel loved. And your spouse may be somebody who, you

know, if you help with the dishes, that is a way of feeling loved. And so if you're giving gifts, because that's your way of feeling loved, or it's called Love Language, if that's your love language,

it might not work for your spouse. And so understanding what they need is is particularly

important.

And so I'm just going to end with one final point in sha Allah, which is the idea of how we sometimes minimize the good and we magnify the bad, right. And so this comes down to the idea of gratitude, right, and our brains fall into the trap of looking for these for these negatives, right. And so instead looking for what your spouse is doing, well magnifying what they do well, so that they feel loved, and they feel affirmed, and it encourages them to do more, right? Like Allah subhana, Allah tells us, like in Chicago, in Chicago stone that as he didn't go, right, let's pass out, he's promising us here that if you are grateful, than I will certainly give you more. So if

we're grateful for the, for the what our spouse is doing, right, one of the most amazing manifestations of this area is that the more you choose to see your blessings, the more blessings you eventually begin to see. You're training your brain to focus on what you have, rather than what you lack. Right. And so in doing that, you also allow yourself to, you know, focus on the changes you want to make in your in yourself. And one of the most important ones in that is prioritizing Alas, Pat data. You know, one of the things that, you know, research has found is that,

in marriages, there's a correlation between people who reported reading Quran Daily reported improvements in their marriage during social isolation, like during this COVID period. And then also that people who have a close connection with Allah subhana data, they found that there was a positive correlation with marital satisfaction as well. And so finding things that make you feel connected to us and have data that allow you to prioritize LS PAC data can be very, very meaningful and also improving and preventing that side of the conflict, right, and one of the one of the roots of conflict is naturally going to be shaped on right and so by giving more as much space as

possible, to your relationship with ls PandaDoc, you lessen the amount of space that's available to Shaitan to create that conflict. And so that's something that will also be very meaningful in relationships as well.