Seerah S01 E09 Part B – Who Should Propose Marriage?
Channel: Sajid Ahmed Umar
Series: Sajid Ahmed Umar - Seerah
File Size: 38.09MB
Allah subhanho wa tada said
that you this is the best of the nations,
the best of all nations. What will make you understand my dear brothers and sisters, you want me to give an hour lecture on excellence in being the best of Allah. The Sharia is not short of any evidences and sources regarding being the best.
The fact that Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa sallam was naturally the best inspired by Allah subhanho wa Taala. And we have been commanded to follow in his footsteps is I
must be the best brothers and sisters, we must be the best. Don't be this cold person, just everything laid back, you know, somebody has to move you all the time.
Don't be that person. Be a person who's who's moving. I'm not saying be a person who acts in haste. No, you know, get some people laid back. Everything's okay. Whatever happens, we get to work on this time. It's okay. You know, Take a chill pill.
Relax. This is this is not this amazing. This oma values every second, my dear brothers and sisters in values every second, every second count will lie every second that ticks on that clock means you and I are closer to our grades. Well, I understand this. Every second that ticks means one second has passed we have now we do not have that second with us to make our agenda beautiful. We do not have that second with us to make our scales of good deeds heavy on the day of damage. It's gone. You and I always discussed this concept of squeezing the dollar the most you can get out of the dollar spent value for money. What about value for seconds? What about value for breath? The breath that
you breathe? What about this? My dear brothers and sisters?
Well, I wish I had time to discuss. I wish you know I was talking to one of the brothers yesterday about having a vision. He came to me said you know I want to study Islam. I said Why? You know, this is important. Make sure you're not wasting time. What you're doing has some purpose or meaning.
You're bringing us together to discuss visions.
And so we learned this brothers and sisters, there's no room for being mediocre. We also learn from this idea, beloved brothers and sisters and idea, mothers and fathers.
The importance of speaking the good about people
mentioning the good that people have.
So this name boy, he wouldn't His goodness, if
he was 11 he passed it on. He didn't keep it hidden. You pass it on. Obviously he has he
anticipated getting information, but you understand my point. Today we quick to mention the mistakes and the good matches, we keep them hidden, we should be the opposite. The good matters, we should speak the bad matches keep hidden, keep hidden unless absolutely necessary necessary. Unless you have to have to and have to mention it. Is that clear? This is what we learned. We also learned my dear brothers and sisters.
The importance of I use this term due diligence rod is a very common business term. You know we run due diligence before we sign contracts. Make sure the company is up to date. The books are in order. It's not that they showing us something we need to get it audited, make sure that no one's the book says they say right.
The importance of running due diligence when you want to get married. Where do we learn this?
This is a big message for the fathers in the audience. We learned this from her.
She heard great things about Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wasallam. But did she use that to marry No, she used that to hide.
I heard it
I'll hire him because of that. But marriage
extra case needed. I need
to run more tests.
I need to point to him my slave to travel with me. Because the people who put on a show
they can't put that show on 24 hours a day. If you travel with someone you're going to find out who this person really is somewhere along the line. If you trade for him trade Normally, you know human desire greed. right straight normally brings out
She sent him with him Salalah go and travel with him and monitor his strength. This is where we will see if he's putting on a show or if he talks, the talk and walks the walk. Right? due diligence.
When information came in, she proposed rhodiola. And this is the lesson for the fathers in the audience.
Well, I, I would go to some more precious to us in our bank balances and keep our bank balances hidden. our daughters should be protected as well. should be protected. We would not say our wealth in any partnership, except after dotting the i's and crossing the T's. Don't marry off your daughters, except after crossing the T's and dotting the eyes as well. And we go further making sure the full stops are there. And the comments are there all the punctuation marks
is your daughter is your daughter. Allah has made you a guardian over her. And when you marry her off, that guardianship transfers to the husband's
make sure you transfer your manner to a wedding.
Make sure we learned this from this particular incident. We almost had the understanding. I mean, and remember the statement of America, she shared it with her reminder.
And endorsements. And somebody said I said how can you eat?
Have you traveled with him? Have you traded with him? So panela you see how wise they were? They were wise people. They didn't have computers and and and advanced medicines and astronauts and space shuttles in space. But look, they have common sense. today. There's so much so much intelligence, but common sense has been our lungs that allow us to look at it saying how can I take your testimony when you just judging this person based on face value? From the moment you swim in the masjid or swim?
You know you were on your way to a place and he was with you. This is not enough. This is not enough. You need to have done something substantial with the person that brings out a character. If you've done it then this is a lesson for us brothers and sisters those who give testimony as well. Sometimes we will come to you and say this boy this family yeah Mashallah very good family.
Firstly, if you seeking endorsement for your daughter, go as somebody who's traded at this price for traveled with this person has a minute or whatever, our time sights or something relevant, as well, something relevant. So
that's the first thing. The second thing is when you are approached by somebody, and your testimony is being sought. If you really don't know say you don't know, or say on face value. This is what I know.
As political parties I don't
deal with religion is sincere advice on sincere advice. Notice what sincere sincere advice, not just any advice, sincere advice. Your Eman dictates that you be sincere. My dear brothers and sisters.
We also learn from this brothers and sisters that certain cultures that
sort of site delay in answering proposal as a defect as bad manners, then our sherea abrogates that particular cultural practice and
our Sharia has taught us the importance of due diligence if he needs time, it needs time, certain cultures, if you take time what happens?
People feel disrespected. Why are you taking time to give an answer? Right certain cultures there is this emotion precedence beneath the present. You say that particular belief is abrogated by the Sharia? Because it does not the Sharia law Sharia has commanded was utilities. Now again, I don't think we should delay giving the answer
when you have the answer. But once you learn it, you delivered it you still need to check if you still need to ask if somebody is traveling, waiting for this person to return. So you can ask them and you need that time you need that time. Don't be pressured by culture to give an answer. And the reason why I'm citing This is because I have witnessed it firsthand.
We answer them for given just out of the fact that you know what if we don't have family, we look bad. The community will treat us badly and so on and so forth. Peer pressure, right? We are pressured. No, no, no the way of Allah subhanho wa Taala
has a greater right to be followed and respected and revered and feared in your culture. And then and then what people will think of is clear brothers and sisters and Allah Subhana Allah knows best. I came across a wise statement. I wanted to share it with you because it's it's related, white
to be a carpenter. One of the laws of carpentry is measured twice, cut once.
Measured twice, cut once. Because if you cut and make a mistake, it's gonna cost.
Same thing with our daughters, brothers and sisters, measure three times, twice, maybe three times and cut ones, make sure you have not put her in a home that will make her come back to your home tomorrow. Make sure we also kind of protect our daughters. I mean Allah subhanho wa Taala bless the marriage of our daughters that have met have have entered into marriage. I mean, I mean, last words Allah protect all the marriages of Muslims, and we are open.
Before we leave this point, my dear brothers and sisters, a footnote,
which is related, and that is
as a guardian and since we're talking about the role of the Guardian as a guardian,
you must look for a practicing Muslim who is compatible. And when you look for a practicing Muslim, look for good character, look for someone who will fear Allah subhanho wa Taala in your daughter, listen to this, look for someone who will fear Allah subhanho wa Taala in your daughter. Remember this brothers and sisters, because good character is a true sign of dB insha Allah insha Allah, a person who fears Allah, this is where you want your daughter to marry. This is what you want your daughter to marry this person will not be this person will not abuse her. This person will not punish her physically or emotionally. We are well subhanho wa Taala protect will lie. The amount of
cases that are coming about of females being abused in marriage is not a joke brothers and sisters. In fact, even one complaint is not a joke. It requires the community to stand up, we need talks about this member needs to be used the Juma post that has to be huge, whereby we make clear to the community problems that are becoming rampant and rife and inshallah it's it's not. But as I said, as a Muslim one case is a lot one case is enough to nip it in the bud and take the bull by the horns and educate the community about the severe panic from Allah subhanho wa Taala upon an oppressor and we discussed the other day that you are of oppressed person and the do out of oppressed person does
not go answered. Radio brothers Do not Do not Do not very people who will make against you What I mean is Do not be abusive to your spouse. Never ever be abusive to your spouse. I don't think for one minute that is a sign of a man to be abusive of lies the sign of the weakest person, you are the weakest of the week. If you intimidate your wife by raising your voice and by manhandling You are the weakest person. I told you the other day when we touched on a point related to this laser shot.
The strong man is not the wrestler. No, the strong man is the man who can suppress his anger when he becomes angry. And well why he suppressing anger is from the x beloved to Allah.
It's from the sides of the people of taqwa. You don't believe me? What does Allah subhanho wa Taala say?
the fourth Jews in the fourth choose Allah subhanho wa Taala says
Pico Voyager 31
up Allah Subhana Allah says and march 4, towards the forgiveness of your Lord and a paradise a paradise that has a width which is greater than the heavens of the earth, a paradise created for the people of taqwa Who are the people of the choir, Allah Allah tells us
Allah says Alevi,
he will Gabby
says the people of taqwa are those who spend from the wealth, at times of ease and at times of difficulty, they always spending for the sake of Allah subhanho wa Taala will carry me. And there are those who suppress anger when they become angry. Well as cleaner and less difficult with the people. It's a habit of this to give the people humble sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, the greatest example for you and I in terms of having a habit to forgive the people when I feel any less love people see, and brothers and sisters, Allah will love you for suppressing your anger.
Because Allah says those who suppress or those who do good and Allah loves to do as
once a person came to the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam and said Oh, silly advice. He said, he said, advise me. He said, he said, advise me. He said,
this person said, advise me three times the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said, Don't become angry.
We all love lists our characters.
We build our agenda when we with our spouses, make sure it's agenda building exercise, not a gender building exercise, brothers and sisters, Allah forgive us. I mean, I mean, so brothers and sisters, look for a person with good character. This is what
I did. Find someone who will say Allah subhanho wa Taala in your daughter. And even though it's sad, and even though we're running out of time, I must add this addition. And that is it's not enough is the boy is a half of the Quran, or graduate from some established University. I hate to say it, but sadly, it's true.
Institutions nowadays, teach what they're supposed to teach. They rarely give you tarbiyah
and teach you proper Islamic morals and manners and etiquettes. So it doesn't mean that a person has memorized the Quran that by default, they're going to be from the best people that existed our times. So don't be again shun. Yes, it's praiseworthy was half and is a graduate from an Islamic Institute. But yes, plus sign, good.
Plus sign, good character. And Allah subhanho wa Jalla knows best
related point, my dear brothers and sisters as well, and that is
the question Are we allowed to go forward with our daughters if we see a good boy, we see a good boy and we have a daughter, are we allowed to go forward and propose What do they know? Yes, and this will learn from her.
This is what she did.
And there's nothing in Islam that abrogated this or taught us that this was a wrong practice. Right? There's nothing Islam that taught us this was a practice. We need to do that today. Especially since fathers we supposed to keep our daughters protected
keep them modest today Subhanallah I'm amazed by some of the parents
to be out to the boys can see them others how will they get married?
Where are you adopting these ways? Common sense?
What has happened? Common sense is not so common. Maybe it's become Zimbabwe sense.
He Baba currency doesn't exist anymore. What's the status? Hello mister. I'm amazed by the statement.
It's your job to get your daughter married you keep a lookout and hamdulillah you go to the masjid you frequent the right places.
Allah subhana wa tada increase our one standard.
This you know, we spoke about religion even if you look at the story of Musa was the man from
the old wise man from Medea did he not offer his daughter to select? He did
certain classes that he offered his he also Allah subhanho wa Taala teaches us that Musa alayhis salam he helped us the two females and they went to tell the father about this person. He came forward. And he said
you're obviously saying I want to get married to you. One of my two daughters
I'm offering you one of my two daughters in marriage. So this was the way of wise people as well. And prophets of Allah subhanahu attallah accepted it as a way, right? So don't feel and again, this is the thing culture, put our daughters like me that want to cheat.
You've honored your daughter, you are proactively looking for her soul As for the rest of her life, this is not putting her down and making her cheeky. This is you doing a duty which Allah has put upon you understand this media brothers and sisters, also from the Sahaba
Allah who did not offer his daughter to Ozma
and then to Abu Bakr, radi Allahu Allah. And then Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam,
did he not go home? We know the famous story. He was getting upset. Why is it going to be accepted Abubakar also not being accepted, because Allah had a greater plan for the best man married his daughter hammertone, Allahu Allah, He was also kind of who Allah grant our assistance, the best of husbands, I mean, and grant our brothers the best of wives. I mean, we also learn from this brothers and sisters that marriage, or the marriage of Rasulullah sallallahu.
They modest, proper manner, in a modest, proper manner. No one can say it was an improper marriage. We've seen her father,
or in some accelerations her uncle to kick off the affair. And Khadija rhodiola who has sent someone to tell us who he was, of his of her desire to get married. Not so it was done properly. It was none of this girlfriend, boyfriend business and the life right. And no one
can can poke a finger Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam for many enemies and the many things they like about him and and blaming his modesty or the modesty of Haider
Al Hamdulillah. So look, yeah, Haley. Yeah, yeah, hurry up and look how proper This was done. Remember, yesterday, we said Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said that he was sent to complete the most noble of characters, which means these people had some very good qualities. They had some very good qualities, right. And this is from one of the qualities.
We also learn brothers and sisters, the manager of Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam was a substantial marriage, not a shallow marriage. One of these quote unquote love marriages, love marriages, where someone comes to me says, Yeah, I fell in love with it. So Pamela, you need to go to the hospital. He gets confused. So what happened? I said, you just told me you fell, falling was never good.
Whenever it was only good for you.
Right? You fell in love yourself. When you fall and you get hurt.
Right? I think you our sisters is not going to tell us to fall in love is to grow in love. That's how marriage is lost. You grow in love with each other. You don't fall in love with each other when things fall they deplete
anyway when we're in school our one of our teachers said she marriages there's a study we take marriages last seven years
or seven years there's love after seven years the love stats for link
Islam tells us to grow in look at the marriage of Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wasallam with Aisha was a DJ substantial Mashallah. Mashallah nothing of you know, you have to go out together and see, you know how she is she wants to see how he is you know, you get married imagine avoiding your marriage becomes such a boring marriage my favorite color was she you are your favorite colors.
Restaurant what she likes to eat? What is that? You already bought? Yeah. You are married and there was nothing?
What's where's the funding?
And plus on top of it, you do ehara surely, surely oh seven stuff of life.
Marriage is always the best way.
Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam is perfect truth.
Perfectly lie he just had when she passed away. And what was he was him saying about? Even he's otherwise we're becoming jealous. growing in love, even after one passes away. Another man. The party that stayed behind every every week day has grown. You know what we learned from this era from the sooner the Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam. If there was an elephant that was noted, he would send me as a gift to the Friends of Khadija.
Because of his love.
You know, we'd love for her not falling loves growing love for not your loved one. This is what he used to do. This is what he used to do. I think I just I don't have to share it with evidences, it's clear. It's clear.
nobody's looking at the time today because this topic is very interesting. For Sharla we're talking about so brothers and sisters, when you land when you plant Hallo seeds, you have halal foods. If your marriage from the outset is halal. Everything about marriage will be healthy and be good. If you plant haram seeds tomorrow expect problems. May Allah forgive us except marriages that Allah then showers has mercy upon because they asked us I'm not saying it's doom and gloom. If you made a mistake before Allah is a fool Rahim turned to Allah subhanho wa Taala and seek forgiveness right? But this is what you should teach your children Hello roots gives birth to halaal fruits Hello
Mashallah The rain is running as well. This is a topic of Baraka
sort of the magic of Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam had great support.
And this is also manifest after the Prophet with Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam. So one of the most scariest things a person can see a mighty angel jabril Allah Himself.
He was right. And also the loss of Allah who and he will send them saw him.
below the ground. And he's above in the heaviness, hundreds of wings. If you open the one, they'll be traffic jams all the way to the west. And if you open the other traffic jams all the way to the east, mighty angel Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam sees him and his human diskette
and he runs Home, home at his house home to his wife, Peter of your loved one. And she says to him, don't worry kana Allah Allah. Zeke Allah.
Allah will never ever ever ever disgrace you.
I've seen you You're a good man, you honest you help the poor, you maintain relations. Don't worry. What you saw will get the answer to it. But now calm down. Look at the soothing voice look at these soothing words Wallah he brothers and sisters if you have wives that can do this for you ally by the medical said that.
I told you told your sisters I'm coming back to support
they deserve it. Because many sisters it's sad to say again today they don't have this character and quality with their husbands.
very selfish relation relationship.
Your husband comes home from work distressed, make the home and a boat. That's how you make the home and a boat by being a spouse by being a spouse Look what she said to him. And then it wasn't only that she said don't worry, we'll find out we'll go to one of them. I have someone relative to find out the reality here. But look, she's because she took over.
Right? A pacing is quote unquote de capacitated what happened she took over strength to one another to one another support to one another. She's calming him down Don't worry. He's shivering is wrapped in blankets and don't worry, Allah will never disgrace you. This can only be good because you are only a good person and we will find the explanation. Khadija of your loved one. Brothers and sisters marriage, marriage Allah we have to finish this today. And I know the listeners are listening they don't mind this going up to a quarter past 10 but we will finish we'll finish what each you'll finish your
brothers and sisters.
You know Allah subhanahu attallah describes he described Allah subhanho wa Taala the reality of marriage in his book Allah says woman I T and Haleakala Coleman and Fujifilm as well Gen Y which has
been a Warhammer industry radical.
Allah says, and from the signs that Allah exists and from the sides that lead you to Allah Look, look what Allah says this is no small matter. Allah is roping in our attention, that if you want to know about Allah and otherwise the truth, then the sight one of the signs that show you this is the fact that he created you from yourselves mates, that you may find tranquility with them in them.
In a you extract
A person who will make or break and steal a home and about that's what makes a home. It's not the fancy design or architecture
of the femaleness. Allah says
that you may take the piece from her what
Allah has, between you, you both know what
Arabic language, but it's not as deep as what what, in
Allah says in the app, unless
somebody said you see in depth for when the honeymoon period, when they always meet at each other overlook each other's mistakes because there's love and mercy. When they get old on the left,
then the dimensions to one another, even though they are mistakes, they overlook
this word message, this is what I have.
No, I remember when I was in my early years of studying Islam, one of my teachers said, you know, you must not have a marriage, the marriage, grocery packets, I said marriage on grocery packets, what's the marriage of grocery packets? He said, You don't have American groceries? I said no. What is the American groceries?
Is this middle eastern being more what what goes the American grocery pack? I thought over the other one said Allah. What is this? Yeah, he said this
The spouses have two grocery packets, one grocery packet in the right hand and one in the left hand. One what the spouse does good to them that they put it in the good packet. And when the spouse does better than the bridge in the backpack, but there's a big problem. What's the problem here? He said, The Good packet is a hole at the bottom
is falling out. So the big
the spouse acceptor
looks at the bat
and says you are nothing but a problem.
No, we shouldn't have half the marriage of grocery factories, brothers and sisters.
We also learned from this Co Op, or this incident in the Sierra.
value of the art of responsibility versus the art of rights.
There's our which is the art of responsibility. And there's our which is the art of rights.
based on rights
it's as if there's a bang bang opens between husband and wife, husband deposits, wife deposits, husband withdraws, wife withdraws, and then they close the books at the end of the day. If one day the wife one more than the husband husband,
one day husband did more than the why
of the bank account, deposit and withdraw This is not married brothers and sisters. This is not manage marriage entails emotion.
Right? mutual consent, there has to be cohesion.
You can't have marriages based on the order of rights. Yes, yes. Right. Right, right. Right, right. Yeah. But when did we get right right? What is
this? Right, right, see who's right and he's wrong. But this is another sphere
known as the art of responsibility. And this fear is far greater than the art of Right, right. This is where we understand that I am a wife, my husband, and my husband is a husband to me or the husband says my husband to my wife and she is alive. He is lifted for Tata. It's not good for Tata. And we learn about
responsibility from the story brothers and sisters. Let's look at it Rasulullah sallallahu
It was his right.
Do you see
that you know what you're supposed to be provided you're not provided. So I want to do ABCD and you can't complain because you're living in my house. No. Let's move
on to the last one to look after. Whose house do you think is coming? cottages house? This is a unit provide my house. It's my house.
You want to bring your,
your your cousin, your cousin,
His cousin, you want to bring your cousin here? No, no, I was talking to him as well. Well, what about me? What about whatever?
No, she happily welcomed him. And the books of history say he looked.
He said the our rights, responsibility. Responsibility. I'm a wife to my husband first.
Now, let's rewind.
I told you at the beginning, it was many times before twice, she had a child even.
And other scholars. I recall reading this in a book
and I recall reading is also a part of it. Have you been sad?
my responsibilities to you. My the rights between me and you
left this boy here. Yeah, absolutely.
Absolutely not. He was like, like,
this is what he says he
You see my dear brothers and sisters, responsibilities, not always nitpicking Ted for tax. So Pamela, you know, there's so much we can say there's so much we can say. Allah loves. Well, there's two talks I want you to go listen to. It's online as your homework. Number one, what is
the personality traits versus the character traits? I want you to listen to this talk. It's a short talk. Google, the personality trait versus the character trait. Sajid Ouma, it will come up Google a brief talk it's gonna help you understand that why you should be extra careful before you marry your daughters find out exactly the character of people, the personality versus the character, the personality trait versus the character trait right side you are googling it will come up the next
responsibility versus right right. Sajid Ouma. It's an 18 minute talk was a demo I took the referees about to not pull out the sticks now. So I'm just giving you giving you the the talks that you can go to go and listen responsibility versus marriage search on google it we'll come up with an 18 minute talk add 20 minutes It was a Juma talk that I did in Zimbabwe if I recall, the audios that listen to it, when you do that inshallah Baraka now if you can, if you find it beneficial, spread it. We also learn brothers and sisters this last night, I'm going to say the importance of not closing the doors to widows in our society for Rasulullah sallallahu.
This is the second lesson I'm going to say because there's one more point I want to say before we get it just I have to say to complete Rasulullah
if you don't have the ability to as I said, support a widow because you love them
and you want one celebrate his life I Salalah who
and he married a widow that they love out and never loved anybody else like for his wife's salallahu alayhi wasallam Right. Right. So celebrate with
your support, support her support her children, right over those children needs a father as well being someone with whom to advise they are also Muslims, they have a right to grow up to be amazing in society, especially since you and I are interdependent beings if one was was not carried away, even though you think it's not affecting you believe it's affecting you because Allah made us interdependent we all carry any weight so we should feel the need to even go and do some good good for the widows children so they can grow up to be excellent as well for the community needs this My dear brothers and sisters. Yeah, that is the understanding. The last thing is, this is how you
answer backpack the elements of Rasul Allah and Allah
and say things about me I can't get myself to say because he might.
They say things about him.
They say things about you. This is a response that you're talking about a man who 25 married a widow who was married twice before and she was 40 almost twice his age.
This is the evil of looking always at half of the story and not looking at the other half.
Not being just May Allah guide me Allah forgive us for our weaknesses in our defense,
media, enemy, brothers and sisters so much can be said. So much can be said. But this is the
time comes and time goes in agenda we have unlimited time. I love love for the sake of Allah Allah grant is the understanding everything collected from Allah subhanho wa Taala is perfect and any mistakes are for myself and she upon and I seek Allah subhanho wa Taala is forgiveness. Please take care. Please get your action plans together tomorrow, the last 10 minutes beginning and you and I have a lot to do Assalamu alaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh Subhana Allah will become decent how they come home I will be having deca Nasha do Allah Allah hi land, Mr. Furukawa to buoy Lake