Channel: Sajid Ahmed Umar
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Alhamdulillah wa salatu salam ala Rasulillah Ahmedabad. Salam aleikum wa rahmatullah wa barakatu. And welcome to Beyond the member podcast. I am your host in sha Allah Muhammad Besa Eid, and this evening we'll be talking about social media and the family. And I am blessed to be joined with Chef Sajid Ahmad, who will be helping me with this discussion chef cinematic workflow or either you can with setup or with Allah He Overgaard Thank you for having me. Thank you for being here. How you been? Allah's most kind? How are you? And Hamdulillah? Well, very well hamdulillah it's been a while since we've seen you, Allah here. It has a long stack. It's been too long. Too long. I feel really I
feel the animal boost being with you all here, oh Masha, Allah, Allah for like, Hamdulillah. So chef, um, we want to talk about social media. Because before we were discussing that, during the pandemic, people had a lot of time at home, you know, and they had time to be with their devices. So when it comes to social media, right, what are the harms? And what are the benefits of it? Excellent. Bismillah R Rahman r Rahim, Al hamdu lillah wa Salatu was Salam ala Rasulillah. While early he was so happy woman, why Allah? May Allah subhanaw taala. Bless you. I mean, this is an important topic. And
you know, the last few years, I think the most famous word associated with these two years is unprecedented. Everything was unprecedented, right? And extremes were definitely hit. We know,
of certain platforms, such as movie platforms, they sort of recorded Record Hours of binge watching Social Media, recorded also record levels of, of interaction, if you just count the likes, the comments, interactions, and so on and so forth. All the statistics show that it went into overdrive, it was high, there was concern about it, pre COVID. But also during COVID, things went into overdrive. So again, unprecedented behavior was seen in people's interaction. Yeah, of course, locked down to something nobody ever
expected. Yeah. But you mentioned benefits and harms. And I guess there was a benefit in that when people were locked away, social media provided an avenue for them to connect with people beloved to them. And that would be a positive if no doubt, it's done in a way that
moves of productivity, you know, that which is productive. And also that which of course, conforms to the guidance of the Sharia. But on the flip side, on the flip side,
if what constitutes norms of productivity, that framework,
you know, your interactions on social media, or your participation on social media, media doesn't fit within that framework, or it goes against the guidance of the Sharia, then I know that you entered the realm of harm. Yeah. So they were benefits, and they were harms? Yeah. And obviously, success is for the one who finds that middle way. Yeah. 100%. And I think, when it does come social media, it was a matter we were speaking about before, is being able to control yourself, you know, in terms of its usage, and also in terms of the time that you're giving it. And you mentioned before that before we started recording, that when it came to people getting access to Islamic speakers and
whatnot, there was a benefit in that. That too, was from from the benefits of social media. Yes. And you know, before social media, you access to a scholar, you access to a student of knowledge was when that scholar or student of knowledge was amidst your, your, your, you know, your physical environment. Yeah, he was at the masjid. He was at an Islamic program. And even then, there was no guarantee that you'd get your questions asked, and you get the opportunity to speak to, to the share, or to the student of knowledge. And the social media did, you know, make people have access to sources of knowledge, if those sources of knowledge were on social media, and also they
maintained their presence online in that they were checking the inboxes and checking their questions, and so on and so forth. I mean, pre social media, there was emails, but again, if you didn't know the checks, email address, which is which is, you know, it wasn't like advertised, where would you advertise it before? Social media, right? Yeah, unless it was announced at the masjid or a public event. Then again, you know,
you know, you wouldn't even be able to get your Islamic needs catered for because, again, without that key without that email address, you had no contact with social media, you can search people up. Yeah, right. And then the social media platforms provide inboxes and through those through those inboxes, you can interact and so on and so forth. So that definitely is a massive benefit. So being able to keep up with
you know, the family activities.
seems to be being able to maintain family relations. Yeah. Right. With with people that you found it difficult to, to keep up those relationships with pre social media, no doubt, these positives, you know, came to light with its Advent. Mashallah. And it's good thing that you mentioned about keeping family relations, you know, in Hamlet, social media is I don't think it's something that's hard to use for for anyone and whether you're living in the West, or you're living in the east. Yeah. You know, and we know that irrespective of age as well, exactly. Yeah. Age, my cell address. That's very true. And that's one of the reasons why it's flourished. And it's absorbed. So many people. Yeah, I
mean, if you talk about the place that has the biggest population of people today, it's not social media. Sorry, it's not China for social media. And yeah, it's not China. Yeah. Social media. Right. Yeah. And that said, then it created opportunity as well in terms of presenting the message of Islam and presenting the truth because it was the norm of the messengers to go where the people were, so they would go to the marketplaces, right. So, no doubt, if you are propagating Islam, and being a means for the people in spreading that which is good, and that which is true, and ways of Muhammad, sallAllahu, alayhi, wasallam then you have to, or you need to have a place or a space on social
So I want to talk about now, what we want to kind of focus on and that is this social media, right? In a family household. Okay, in a family household, how, what role does it play? Now the way I want to do it, is if we can talk about firstly, the parents, okay, but before them actually, perhaps being parents, let's talk about the spouses. Now, spouse is having social media, sometimes, you know, people even meet through social media, and then become, you know, get married through this, these these kinds of these applications, or maybe these pages, they set us off. I met her on Facebook, and I met him on Twitter.
And I don't even know, you know, anyone can be anyone on through social media through, you know, these are from the hubs where what you just mentioned, yeah, yeah. Yeah, look, we spoke about the benefits, we said that it allowed people to interact with each other, it helped them to maintain family relations, it helped them to have access to a source of knowledge, it helped people who are sources of knowledge spread the wonderful teachings of Islam. I mean, we can add to that Subhanallah, how many people were accessed, and through that access, even accepted Islam? Yeah, how many people became interested in Islam, because they followed, you know, a Muslim, who was posting
positive messages and, and positive images, and so on, and so forth. So all those all those benefits are, then I think it's good that we, we discuss the benefits to create balance before we discuss
the what we say the negative impact. Yeah. And
in terms of, you know,
social media, and the family, and this whole idea of social media, and the spouses, right,
then, in today's day, and ages, especially in my experience, I think four
form more times than is acceptable. It's discussed with a negative light, solely social media is causing this problem to happen in the marriage, social media media is causing him to behave like the social media is causing her to become, or to behave like this, we, we rarely hear this in my experience, and, you know, I can be proven wrong, we rarely hear that through social media, you know, my husband became a model husband or my wife became a model wife or the, the spousal relationship became a model one, when we get closer to the sun, and so on and so forth. And then, and that's why we, you know, this discussion is always held with or in negative
should I say, altitudes, Allah, who's that? I mean, I use this term, no pun intended, but, you know, the, the level or the number of marriages going wrong, because of incorrect social media usage between the spouses. Yeah, it's something that really needs to be addressed. I know this, this is behind the member or in front of the member beyond the
right, but it also has to be addressed from the member 100% Mashallah. And there is okay. Well, let's let's talk about
maybe so can we say before meeting before becoming a husband and wife? Yeah. People using social media to find a spouse? Yeah, I'll give you an example. sha Allah to Allah brother.
Perhaps he's trying to spread some hair, you know, his pages that are related only.
people should maybe a female shows an interest. This is shows interest. And then, you know, private messages and family come full on, are you? You know, because I've seen this on people's profiles where they'll show they have to write in the in the BIOS married single married. Yeah. Oh, you'll see the ring there. Yeah. You know, I mean, it's like, is it like that? That it's that bad? You know, I can go back to self control thing. Yeah, you know, and then people being you were mentioning before we were recording about people being what the showing to be, but they're not really like that. Yeah, I mean, look, social media is a means. Yeah. Okay. It's a means to me, it's a means to
an end. And whenever we use it, and this is my advice to the youth, we need to understand, what end are we trying to achieve from the means, right? As Muslims, our mandate is to worship Allah subhanho wa taala. We're not created except to worship Him by worship. I don't just mean the salah and the Sokka and the Hajj and the fasting, and the pilgrimage, I mean, making Allah your purpose, because when you make him your purpose of hanaway to Allah, then what you do becomes a means of worship, it becomes an act of worship, not a means of worship, it becomes an act of worship, right.
So, why are you on social media? Why have you opened that account? What do you intend to get from it? And
I sort of frame this discussion with this introduction, because at the end of the day, we have to keep on asking ourselves that if I've spent X amount of time on social media, right, what return on quote unquote, investment or equity has it created in terms of my worship of Allah subhanho wa taala. And getting closer to Allah subhanho wa Taala are assisting me in some matter of darker, okay. Now, getting married, no doubt is from the guidance of Islam, from the teachings of Islam, Islam encourages it. And when someone is using social media as a means to getting married, then in office, there's no problem here because the intention is noble. And social media can be a means.
Yeah, but the question is, how you go about doing it? And also, the question is, does the platform facilitate and assist you going about the process the right way? Right, because she upon obviously is lurking everywhere now. And he's strategizing on how to turn positives into negatives, how to turn noble intentions, into
intentions that are manifested in an incorrect way, in a bad way. And we know from an Islamic perspective, we don't have this principle of the ends justify the means. You know, alpha Tuberville, Westside is not an Islamic mandate, the ends justify the means is not an Islamic mandate from an Islamic perspective. In fact, the principles as we see, coined by the AHA, is that any law you tawassul like it was like it was Salou,
eel, halal and pericle. Ha.
You're right. You don't you don't voyage. Yeah. To a halaal end through a haram process. Right? And with marriage, if you want the fruits to be halal, then the seeds need to be halal. Yeah. So, again, and you highlighted a good point about self discipline, how many people have the self discipline have the discipline can manage the, the, you know, the strategic attacks of shaytaan on social media? Because, again, you're trying to keep yourself grounded, you're trying to keep yourself on the straight and narrow, but the app, the program, the site, the website, the program is designed to take you left to take you. Right, right. The the wreck of this algorithms recommending things for
you. Yeah, okay. It's not, it's not based on a void. Obviously, it's trying to understand your usage. But then again, you have people on that platform that are not upon the same ideals as right, that become introduced to you through these platforms. And it is possible, and we have seen real time cases and real life cases, where,
you know, through these algorithms and somebody's innocence, should we say that people have taken the wrong direction only to realize when it's too late. So finding a spouse on social media. Social media is a means. Yeah, right. However, is it the right means? Right, which app? Which program? Again?
How much of a means do you make it? And earlier we were having this discussion, and I mentioned to you that sort of SubhanAllah? How many times has it
sort of become manifest that a person has a profile image, but they're not that person. Right? Now, honestly, you know, and I'm not just talking about, you know, a person who looks a particular way and then he puts an image of somebody else, and then people become friends with them because they think they look like that. Right. And this is also from the ills of our time because we are very personality oriented.
it, people, we've not even mentioned filters. So there's apps which came up with the filters, these filters do certain things to your image. But I'm not even talking about that I'm talking about a person who could be who is a male and puts out an image of a female and messages as if they're a female, and then they turn the page and this person thinks that he's interacting with the female, but there's not even a female on the other side. So we've seen these harms. So with time we need to then ask ourselves is social media
a means so, at the beginning, as an idea, right, there is a means as anything is a means but then over time, when we look at at His manifestation as a reality, right? Is it a means? Or should it be a means it can be a means But should it be a means?
I would argue against that, I would argue strongly against that, when or if it became a sort of trigger. Okay, write the trigger whereby an introduction happened to somebody. Right? The process shouldn't
on social social media, it should, it should become something physical and something real immediately. Yeah, whereby the kindness of Islam takes over and the person meets the, you know, the Walid or the the guardian of the female, and its names guidance takes over the process. Otherwise, you're heading for heartbreak? And unfortunately, we've seen too many cases. Yes. Yeah. Yeah, definitely. Definitely. People will get in
fooled, you know, by these profiles about people that are behind these devices, and they don't even know who they are. It's an unregulated platform, unregulated platform. And, and it's about common sense. I mean, when it comes to, you know, the Monetary Affairs in our Sharia, Allah subhanho wa Taala doesn't just stipulate having reached age of puberty. Yeah, right. He stipulates a sound mind when it comes to financial practice, before the money should be handed over to a person could be their money, through inheritance, so on and so forth. A gift, whatever it is, but a guardian should not hand that money over until he's tested them. They've reached age of puberty, and they have what
is called rushed. Right? They have common sense. They have sound financial practices, that which the majority of of educated intelligent people consider sound. Right? Then you pass on the money, why the Sharia wants to protect the circumstances and situation with the resource becomes lost prematurely. Yeah. Right. So what about finding your spouse?
Yeah, I mean, 100% Correct. And all this is, is rather unfortunate what happens to people, but along with Stan,
want to talk about now? What about you, if you have found a spouse? We're talking about now, the married couples out there? Who are on social media? You know, the person has an account? She has an account, he has an account? Would you advise that they know each other's login details? Perhaps? Or good question? Or do they? How do they, you know, it's about helping each other? Right? You and your spouse should be eating each other? In goodness. So how do you do those on social media? Yeah, look, if if, if aiding each other comes from having access to each other's accounts, and they surely I will not have an obligation, sorry, an objection to that, in fact, it might even be an obligation,
right? Because remember, spouses are also to add to each other. Right? We are people who invite what's good, for good or evil, we believe in Allah subhanho wa taala. And then when you when you spouses, you are also to act to one another, you do this to each other, and for each other, right, you try and keep each other on the straight and narrow, because you want a marriage that is for a lifetime, not just for life, right? So you all you both want to die upon righteousness and piety. So that inshallah in the hereafter you can be together as well in paradise. So, again,
if it's a means towards achieving that, then
why not, especially if both parties have nothing to hide, and it's just a deterrent. It's a mechanism of it's a deterrent mechanism. But unfortunately, today Subhanallah we see shape and slip into the space and cause spouses to open ghost accounts. Right meaning, so they hand over the password to the main account to their spouse, and then they have a ghost account to which they, they carrying out the interaction, the interaction. So again, because the platforms are not designed, it's not designed, you know, to keep you productive in life and key and help you be the best person you can be. It's designed to keep you on the platform. Yeah, right. This whole idea of dopamine and
how certain apps have been designed so that you flick and you keep flicking and you scroll and you keep scrolling because you just want this dopamine kick then
Next thing you watch, it gives you the kick, the next thing you watch gives you a kick. And dopamine is Subhanallah a creation from the creation of Allah subhanho wa Taala that is placed in the mind that should only be released after after hardwork after effort. It's a gratification.
Process and and a gratification component. Right you feel it, and you you appreciate it. And it helps you getting back to doing hard work rather than fearing hard work. But if you can short wire the brain,
right, whereby you can create dopamine release events whenever you want it. And this is what this is, this is what happens. And again, as I said, these apps are not designed to help you be the best person you can be help you be the best husband, you can be help you be the best wife you can be, is designed to keep you on the app. And that's going to be at the expense of you being the best that you can be towards your spouse. Right. And
but it looks at the end of the day. They didn't ever. I mean, if we just want to, you know, if we just want to bring focus to or be fair, yeah, they never ever advertised the app or the platform, as somebody that will help you be a better version of you. In reality, yeah, I get it, they can give you filters, which which you feel makes me a better version of you. But that's a fake version of Yeah. But in reality, they never said that. In reality, they are working behind the scenes to design features to keep you hooked onto their app. Again, it's a case of market share as well.
And then we have a case of the right apps and the wrong apps. And you're talking about should we have access to each other's accounts? I think it shouldn't be a case whereby we even discuss, listen, which apps. You know, you being my husband? Yeah, there's, you know, if you have to be on social media, let's discuss which apps you can be on. There's certain apps you shouldn't be on. Yeah, right, because those apps were designed to achieve a greater level of facade and corruption than others.
So it's not just about should we have access to each other's account? And the answer to that question is, from a Sharia perspective, there's no objection if it's a means of maintaining the Islamic deck hoping people are upon the commands of Allah subhanho wa, taala, through having this extra diligence in play, but then again, there's workarounds, as I said, People create ghosts. But on top of that, before saying, I know on access to your account, the discussion should even be Listen, we married now, which which social media platform should we get off? Yeah,
definitely, you know,
a lot can be said, you know, especially when it comes to spouses. And what you mentioned, made me think about
the best version of, quote, unquote, fake version of yourself has also tend to fit a fake version of of love and affection. And being a strong
couple, you know, being a strong husband and wife and having a strong relationship to the point where people feel the need to show that now, which moves on to which I move on to my next question is about showing affection to each other on social media, you know, to maybe encourage others to follow, you know, quote, unquote, the Sunnah get married, and whoever is that, does that become tainted? You know? Ha, yeah. I mean, look, from an Islamic perspective.
You know, the private matters between the husband and wife should be behind closed doors, it shouldn't be advertised. If you want to encourage people
to do good, then, you know,
teach them the Sunnah of the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, he is the best example. People don't need us.
As an example, especially since we've discovered in this day and age that we have couples who present themselves on social media like the couples from Paradise, but behind the camera, when the cameras are switched off, they have some of the worst of luck with each other. And this is by their own admission, right? So
we don't need to live our lives on social media. And this is one of the harms of social media generally, aside of the whole framework of marriage, and the spousal relationship, because this whole idea of, you know, this post syndrome, and by post, I don't mean the after syndrome, I mean, living my life, thinking about how I can make that a post event I can post about it. I need to grab the image because I need to make a post about this. And we started living our lives as if we're living for the people living for the attention spans of other people as if we're living a Hollywood production, or a Bollywood production or some wood production.
Right I mean a movies done, it's acting, not real, not real. Those actors they have real lives that they stepped away from for the sake of creating this fake reality for you to be entertained. Right? And that's a job that's a profession that's what they do. Now if we start living our real lives like this
we're not going to be happy because we're not really not ultimately we're going to we're going to create for ourselves and people do and unsustainable circumstances situation life is not lived like that. Yeah, we are living here to worship Allah subhanho wa Tada upon the Sunnah of the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, right? Make building our way to success in the Hereafter. This life is not about you know, it's not about strawberries and cream if I can, I mean, we in the UK now, right? Right. It's this life gives you days that are for you, and days that are against you. That is the reality of life. How is it possible that you have a social media page and everything on there is all
strawberries and cream? If I can use the term? It's not real. It's fake? Yeah, right. It's not sustainable as well. Yeah, right. It's not sustainable. Because when you live your life like this, where do you get time to deal with the real issues that you're going through? Right now. So this whole post syndrome, we need to, we need to think about it, we need to be aware of it, we need to audit ourselves with regards to it aside of the whole marriage thing. Yeah. But if you are a married couple, again, you have this post syndrome, where everything we do as a couple we need to post online, also can have can have effects. We know from negative effects, it does have negative effects
in terms of sometimes it impacts negatively other people's marriages. So people think you're living a perfect marriage. And then we find other people using you as a yardstick or your marriage as a yardstick to, you know, to, to sort of rule that their marriage isn't that great. So it, it has this, this negative impact, unintended impact, right? But also we know brothers, to our brothers and sisters who are listening in and then to my dear brother. We also know that the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam told us about the evil eye, and that it's real. Yeah, right. And in a narration, which some scholars of Hadith have considered
acceptable, the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said, is still you know, Allah cover it. However, he couldn't be lucky to assist yourself in the things that you do by keeping it a secret. Right. Finally, equally, the near method may also do that, indeed, for every person who has a blessing is someone else who,
who can be jealous of that blessing. And the evil is not just spread through people being jealous of you, it could be them just looking at you with the eye of or void of attaching your blessing to Allah subhanho wa taala. And then the devil is used that as a means and as a means to attack you. And that, you know, this blessing that you put out becomes a means of sadness, and a means of distress, and so on, and so forth, especially for those who don't look after the morning and evening car and the car after salah, and so on and so forth.
So, there's a principle in Islam,
you know, which says that we'll have set them up. But then when I shall be Muslim, the prevention of a harm takes precedence over the attainment of a benefit. That if you have a circumstance that has benefits, but it has more humps than the sheriff says, do everything to prevent the harms from coming to be even if it means leaving that thing, and it means you're losing out the benefits. Right? And I would even argue, I would even argue and ALLAH forgive me if I'm wrong, that you don't have to be on social media. And one of the best things you could do as a couple, you just close all your social media accounts. Right? It'll bring you closer together. Now how many times because of
social media, she feels neglected, he feels neglected. How many times because of social media, she feels that he's not doing enough, he feels that she isn't doing enough. How many times because of social media. We're not even recognizing the blessings between us as spouses and as a couple because we went on a holiday, but they went on another holiday and that holiday was better than our holiday. It's true. One hand how many times on social media do we start creating excess pressure on one of the spouses because we want a lifestyle that other people are living that we can't afford? Right? So with all these harms, whatever benefits you can raise, you could say I have access to the chef,
listen, I think you can get access to the chef. In other ways in today's day and age, get access to the chef through someone else's social media account, close us down and focus on your marriage and brings you closer together. And I've tried this with couples, right? Those who are sincere, they shut their pages down and three months later Subhanallah you see a transformed marriage. They start noticing each other they start talking to each other, talking to each other not at each other sometimes Subhanallah when before before they did they on the table talking to each other while staring at their phones. They talking at each other not to each other. Right. So yeah, I mean,
should you should
you portray your marriage relationship relationship on social media? No, in fact, you should just close your social media down.
Um, you know, I'm listening to you, I'm shaking my head, you know, because
your points in the home, you know, because this thing is become so much a part of our life. It's like second nature, that when I come home, and I see everyone, I find how how everyone is doing in the house. And then I also find out how everyone else is doing on my devices. And it's, it can be very problematic, which leads me to look but also from an Islamic perspective, Just following on to that point, the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam he, here, he raised the Ummah, to be concerned about that, which concerns them, that which is important to them, that which matters to them. Right? He didn't raise us to be people who always have to peek into other people's lives. And this is, this
is from the side effects of social media should not destroy this idea. So the side effect is from the diseases of social media, where you have this innate internal desire
to have peak performance.
Not peak performance, that peak, are you thinking about where you where you operate? At your optimum? Optimum? Yeah, I'm talking about the peak where you peaking you have to peak into people's lives.
Right? You have to peek into what he's doing, and peek into what she's doing. Yeah. And you know, and this is what happens. I know some people Subhanallah they will they keep checking data reply, computer reply kept refreshing, refreshing, refreshing, or, for example, they post something, and then they want to see how many likes they get. But did she like it? Particularly? Did he like it particularly, and then they have the sickness of refreshing, refreshing? And then checking who liked who actually didn't keep on refreshing? SubhanAllah? I mean, what is this? I mean, surely common sense should tell you that you have a problem. Yeah, if this is how you run in your life, you have a
problem. And then, you know,
we can even do so much talk about this, this whole issue of
having your self worth defined by how people relate to your posts. And this has this has an impact, because sometimes a person gets their self worth from social media. So then they discount the sincere feedback that they're getting from the people who are physically with them, who knows them, you know, who know them in and out, they giving them feedback. And they say, Well, you people are just people of negativity, and you criticize, and then
and they justify that behavior because of all the thumbs up and the likes, you know, and the shares and the hearts that they get on social media. So, again, the harms are many, the harms are many able to bring this discussion to the family. Yeah, then I believe that.
Goodness, and benefit isn't just shutting these accounts down. You mentioned something you just reminded me about the likes and the shares. Someone being praised on social media, you were saying earlier, before we started conversating about this topic, people being praised by other people who, who may be Nobodies, who, like you say have ghost accounts. And then they actually live off that phrase that praise matters more to them than perhaps praise from the wife. Or from the from the mother or the mother or father. Yeah. Yeah. This is it. This is it. You become a phony. phony, not phone your phone. Yeah, well, you know, a phony phony. Yeah. Yeah. Through your phone. You became a
phony. Yeah, yeah.
You actually start seeing yourself as somebody who you're not you're a fake, but you don't even know it. You don't even know it. Right. And, look, I don't mean to sound destructive, and in a doomsday mode, but I mean, this topic is a man. It's an A man, because we've moved it into the family unit and the spouses and Allah says what mean, T and Haleakala could mean and physical as well and the Tuscano Ilia.
Allah says, This
is a sign from the signs of Allah, that he exists, and he's the only one worthy of worship. Right? So I'm not trying to be negative, but I'm trying to be real here. Yeah. Right. Is social media helping your marriage be one which is a sign from the signs of Allah, that through your marriage, you recognize Allah as one and that is the only one who deserves to be worshipped and through your marriage, people understand to heat that you understand to hate that you recognize each other as a blessing upon each other from Rob will either mean from the Lord of the worlds or not. That is the reality. Yeah, right.
And if these platforms or these platforms, and this phenomenon is causing people
to fight through marriage to build the Hellfire instead of the paradise, right, then we just got to discuss it.
You know and be real with the discussion. Yeah, definitely. Let's let's take it now, a step further. You know, if we're saying this about spouses, what is the what can be said about children? You know, should children be even exposed to social media? Should children? Should we even have an age where we say, Okay, now, I believe that our children can, can, can can look, I almost said experiment SubhanAllah. But experienced social media.
You know, again, I don't mean to sound the destructive or in doomsday more, I personally think
we need to educate our children about the harms of social media. I think social media has been around a long time, with tangible results that we shouldn't ignore, right? There's data, there's real time data, and with real time data switches on the lights, if we're not switching on the lights with that data, then what are we doing? I personally think they should be educated about the harms of social media, and that they shouldn't be on social media before the age of 18. And 18, is a marker. They shouldn't be on social media before they have shown in practice, the ability to do the right thing.
That they developed within themselves, this, this idea of willpower, and this idea of self discipline, that they can use something upon the framework approved by the [???]tier, that they have the ability to get off the app. Right, they have the ability to know which apps to get on to that won't be that I give them a phone and they're going to be on on certain apps that they shouldn't be on that even adults shouldn't be on Muslim adults shouldn't be on, right. So personally, this is my view. May Allah subhanaw taala, save our children. You know, we all raising children, Allah help us with them.
But personally, I feel that no, they should not be introduced. I mean, they should be introduced in terms of the idea. Because I also believe in this day and age, if you don't teach your children, somebody else will, the mind will not remain uninformed. So teach them about it. Tell them that this is this app, this is what it does. These are harms. This is this app, this is what it does. This is what these items, this is why people get onto them, these are the harms of what happens, or what has been confirmed. These are events that have happened, negative events that have happened because of them. And then also build them a vision help them understand the world they wish to see the day they
die. And then tie the whole social media phenomenon to that vision and see whether it's compatible or incompatible. Make them feel it in a tangible way in some capacity themselves. Right? That's the best thing you can do. There, no doubt it's about a lot of dua to Allah Subhana Allah to Allah and seeking Tofik from Allah because at the end, or multiple fields, the level of old guidance from Allah subhanahu wata, right. I mean, we know of prophets who had children who did some, you know, pretty wrong things we know about the son of new Hala husana, we know of the children of Yaqoob, you know, at a Salaam. But the point is, we need to do our bit and put our trust in Allah and make dua
to Allah to shower, his guidance and his protection and His mercy.
we need to close the doors, we need to create preventative measures. And I'm not saying leave them uninformed, no, inform them so that you killed the curiosity. Yeah. Because if you don't tell them about it, and the friends talk about it at school, the curious mind is going to kick in. And it's human nature and they go to find out themselves, especially if you are giving them access to Google. Right. And then they experimented again behind your back, like we spoke about some couples who have these behind the back accounts, ghost accounts to which they continue they their lives before it was opening now it's secretly you know, because they're trying to manage the situation, they will manage
the situation. Yeah, kids are far more sophisticated than we were, you know, and when we was when our parents used to say you guys are far more sophisticated than when we were were small you guys do things that we couldn't do when we were kids would never get away with it. So you know, children today do get away with a lot more.
And if you are going to give them a device, give it to them. The way it's supposed to be given to them know that you will answer to Allah for your action, giving them that device and so you don't you know, some people say no, but yeah, we need to contact them. Well give them what they call a dumb phone. If a smart phone is not that smart, then give them the dumb phone. That's really smart. Right? The dumb phone that can't add these apps on to it. They still exist, good battery life about two weeks as well.
Right? Give them that phone. That's a smart choice. Sometimes the smart choice is the dumb choice. So Allah knows best Allah knows best. But again, just to reiterate, my view is you know before they show credible signs of of B
And I would put a mark up before the age of 18 do not have them do not,
do not support their desire to get onto social media and educate them, again, educate them, some parents, they have an extreme, it is an extreme, whereby you, you know,
you, you physically run the home, you physically run the process, everything has to go through checks and balances. Right? But then you don't educate people as to why it's all about what do this don't do that. Right? And then you leave the child curious. Right? And then when the doors are open, or you know, you know what happens, it's like we're locked on stopped and we're locked downs were lifted, everybody was was out, right?
So it's important to educate the Quran was revealed with the Quran, which means to read,
meaning educate the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam was sent as an educator, as he said, and educate people, educate your children, they have the greatest right to your education. Don't leave them to the television, to educate them. Yeah, yeah, definitely. I think another thing, this is maybe two part question is,
as well as educating while we're educating and we setting these will help them understand. And we are setting that and we're doing it sorry, we an example needs to come from us. Because I find that
when children are taught something is different from when they see being done. So if you're telling you not to be honest, until you're 18, or whatever, have you, I don't think you need to say tell you anything. Yeah, I know. You mean, like to express that you don't support the idea of them being on it. But if you're on them, you know, what does that what does that tell you? The percent 100%, you know, this whole concept of do as I do, don't do as I say, don't do as I do, quite frankly, if I can use colloquial English, it doesn't fly.
And that's not how we roll.
We got to be a bit colloquial for our young brothers behind the camera.
the point is, you got to lead by example, again, it's the sun that the prophets of Allah who it was and lead by example, yeah, Allison's lead by example, if you see that, you know, you have a child that will not navigate you instructing him to do something and you're doing something else, then walk the talk. Again, if the harms beat the positives, leave the positives and focus on ensuring that the harms don't materialize will come to be Yeah, right. So if you know if you say by leaving social media, I will lose X, Y Zed, then lose it for the sake of the greater the greater good, the greater good if the harms outweigh the benefits, then discount the discount to those benefits.
Sorry, if the Yeah, if the harms outweigh the benefits discount those benefits don't say because of this benefit, this benefit means nothing in light of those harms. Yeah, it's all from common sense as well. Aside of it being actually a principle, Allah gave us a mind he gave us fitrah and he revealed the Sharia, right? All these things in the pure state are in conformity, conformity. You can't you can't find you if your fitrah is pure. And the revelation is authentic, you'll never find the contradiction, right? And let's say the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, sometimes he will tell the Sahaba it's tough to call back ask you that. Because the light of a believer guides. Right.
So it's from common sense, is from the guidance of Eman, that if the hums outweigh the benefits, you discount the benefits and ensure that those harms don't materialize, right? Now, it could be that it's a work benefit that you only then have a workforce and do your business at work, right, but don't bring it into the home. When you at home, let your children see that you with them. And again, you know, this whole idea of
the parents on social media, the spouse is on social media, when you have children and your children find you available or not available. It also has an impact on the overall therapy, aside of the whole social media discussion, even just how they brought up the manners that they learned because children are imitative by nature. They are they imitate the environments, and they're learning how to interact with other people. And they learning that interaction from the closest people to them, the parents and sometimes you see this on the day of Eid you go and every child is sitting on their phone. And then the child who doesn't have a phone, it becomes a fitna for him because he goes, I
had such a boring day because you guys gave me the dumb phone. They all have the smartphones, and they want the apps and on the and I've seen this firsthand. Right? And I will take it further and say you know what, you know the family unit as a whole, even with the extended family to come together and agree on certain on the framework of how they're going to raise their children with regards to these mobile devices and with regards to social media, because you want to create a circumstance and situation with all the cousins that I liked.
It shouldn't be like I go out of the home I see something else and in the home is am I living on Mars?
Now, yes, you know, I'm thinking
maybe people may say, Look, this is not ideal, you know, to do this to to not be on social media to have minimal time on social media because of many times we find out things through social media, that the news doesn't tell us. But even then, you know, what about Miss Miss being misinformed? So what kind of exactly I mean, I mean, honestly, I mean, what's your view about about that Mubarak about that reason? Is that a reason to be on social media that I'll find out the news. Find out that news from the person who's on social media.
But also while you're doing it, encourage them to get off.
Right? If social media is becoming a means for it is because too many people on it, and to repeat too many people are encouraging it. Firstly, social media isn't a news reference. It is and how many things get forwarded to us on WhatsApp, for example? Yeah. Right.
And I wanted to avoid mentioning names. But anyway, you got all the apps
behind us, right? How many things come to you and WhatsApp? And it's totally wrong? Yeah. It has no basis whatsoever. Yeah. Right. Well, it's a misinterpretation of events. Yeah. Right. But you know what? Everyone was forwarding it. So I forwarded it, right. It's like, for example, in in one country, when when the COVID pandemic happened, they were making people wash their feet before entering the workplace, the shop or, you know, so I asked her why why washing feed everyone, we soapy everyone making people wash feet. So we also said, I just want to feed. You get what I'm saying? You just the blind following the blind? Yeah, yeah. If you want to get Islamic knowledge,
there's a way to get it. If you want to get the news, there's a way to get it. That's it. Right? If you want to survey or opinion, there's a way to get it. Right. And again, it's a means to an end if you're going to serve it and utilize it just for that. And that's a work product. That's a work process. It doesn't have to be in your home, allocate time for it. Do it there and then and get out of it. And if you don't have the discipline, and the prophets that Rahim Allah Imran Arasaka. NFC may well have mercy on a person who knows their abilities, who they are and who they are not what they can manage and what they can't, if you are not that person, get some delegate, get someone else
who is that person to run the social media gig if I can use again colloquial English, right, write, get them to go on, do what's needed and feed you the results. So we should differentiate between a reason and an excuse. What you just shared, the people do this and they say that is not a reason. It is a a feeble excuse. And it doesn't justify being on the given the harms cited people the harm cited, I'm gonna even go to an extent different Islamic knowledge
has been posted on everything is being pasted on the and the certain things that okay, gentle reminders that which concerns all Muslims, you know, using social media can be a good platform, because that's what the people are, and you get the message out. But there's certain things that are specialized, certain specialized matters of theology, especially if it's, it's from the political realm of discussion. You know, scholars have differed on the matter. And then we using social media to broadcasts, right? Some say, and the reason for it is because there's people who I don't have access to and through using social media will get access to them and will help them and so on and so
forth, with the guarantee in that,
right. And over time, you've seen the harms of doing so. Yeah. Right. And then you try to justify those harms based on a tentative benefit. You don't even know if it's getting to the people that use you, you claim are out there, and they need it and you don't have access to them and so on and so forth. So again, how is this from Fick? How is this from true understanding? How is this from wisdom? Yeah, yeah. So, you know, wisdom is doing the right thing in the right way, at the right time. And having the willpower and discipline to maintain it
Eman people who get eat quote unquote Eman boosters, you know, on through through social media.
Yeah, that's the from the benefits of social media. But then again, I'm asking what's the benefit of the man boost when there's any man drop?
So, the next app that you went into, so you, you, you, you you know, you went mashallah four wheel drive, first gear into Facebook, and then you reversed into Instagram after that with a doctor.
Right. And then, you know, using sisters, using females that are dressed appropriately they from an Islamic perspective, you are supposed to lower your gaze, and you're not lowering your gaze. What is the benefit of the mandible? So again, you know, we shouldn't we should call us you know, I'm from Africa, you from Africa.
Yeah, right. Yeah, we have a thing. Yeah. Call a spade a spade, not a big spoon.
Yeah, yeah, let's call it for what it is. Yeah. And if you want any man boost, again, there's a place to get it. I'm not saying social media doesn't give you it. Yeah, I'm not saying that I'm saying it is there. But again, you need to weigh the pros and the cons here. Yeah, you need to really understand did you go for the man boost and then spent one hour doing something else? Half an hour doing something else? Right. And because of that, you read less Quran that day, because of that. You rush to Salah that day, you could ask yourself real questions. Yeah, right? Did you go for the man boost, and then you ended up spending an hour flicking through this news feed and that news
feed. And as a result, you didn't manage the home with a Hassan for the sake of Allah subhanahu wa, tada, if you're doing it for Allah do it with excellence.
Right? So again, you know, if if you want to, if someone wants to bring up all these excuses, not reasons, I'll never call them a reason. Except for good reason. But if someone wants to bring up these excuses, then decency and auditing yourself, and you know, Be Real, Be Real, be true, be sincere, in what you're saying, and what you're doing, and auditing that process. Yeah, really audit it and be honest with yourself, because you have to be your best friend, not your worst enemy. Right? You can only be your best friend, if you call yourself out for who you are, if you call it for what it is, nobody knows that they nobody goes to the doctor if they don't know that they're
sick, right. And if you keep making excuses, for your lack of productivity, then you're not going to sort it out. You're not going to fix it up. Right, the marriage is not going to get better your print process isn't going to get better. Right? Yeah. You know,
you know, a husband, not appreciating his wife, because he's looking at other people's wives. That is that's not going to be solved vice versa, the wife not appreciating that the you know, the hours that the husband is putting in, that's never going to be appreciated if she's always looking at what other people's husbands are doing for their spouse. Right? Yeah. And so, you know, let's, let's, if we are going to try and look for every loophole to justify our presence on these platforms, then the least the you know, the minimum that you owe yourself is to be
brutal, brutally honest.
In yourself audit.
Because I mean, does that fair? I mean, I really appreciate everything that you said, you know, it really puts things into perspective. Because, you know, we live in a time everything is moving so fast. And everything has to get to you as fast as possible. You know, my Yes. Instant? Yeah, that's it fast food. Yeah. Fast food. You lost communication. Yeah. Divorce has happened because I sent her a message. He didn't reply. She brother, but maybe it wasn't delivered. No, there was a there was do ticks. Or maybe she didn't read it. No, there were two blue ticks. So I know she read it. So she's disrespecting, and you know, he's, he's also not responding. He has two blue ticks. And so he's
lying to me. He's not telling me really where he was. He was, you know, so along, Stan, the instance you were talking about instead, the end stage? Yeah. I mean, because it is so fast that we actually don't have, you know, a moment to just sit and ponder and think and do a lot of self reflection and say to yourself, Do I really need to be doing this? Do I really need to be on here? You know, and that's, I think it's something that we, we need to ask ourselves when we are thinking about going on social media or we have social media accounts, you know, and as I said, hassy, boo and fullcycle mcnabola and Taha Sabu now, you know, take account of yourself before it's taken before Allah takes
account of Yeah, audit your books before Allah audits them for you. Subhanallah Yeah, weigh your deeds before they are weighed for, you know, yeah. And at the end of the day,
the litmus test for me is, and I hope I this is what I tell people to do, especially people who are, you know, I, you know, doubting what's being said that, look, if you were told that tomorrow you are going to die. Would you be on social media? The way you have you the way you are? The way you are already on social media. On that day, you could say no, I'll go on sheriff to write please forgive me, but okay, that's fine. Right. But you're not writing that today. You are going to die tomorrow. Would you be on social media as you are today? And unstuck. That's the litmus test, right?
If so, another thing I share with people, if the Prophet salallahu alayhi wa sallam was around, and he said, Give me your phone. Would you be ready to give him your phone? Would you be ready for him to click your Facebook icon and see what's happening there? Click your Twitter icon. Would you be ready to let him see that you are on Snapchat in the first place? Should you even be on Snapchat? La hawla wala Quwata illa biLlah what happens with Snapchat? These are these apps that are similar and if you are not ready, are you ready for him to listen to your ringtone? Are you ready for him to see the way you you speak on WhatsApp with each other?
The language that you use, right the people that you speak to the images that you share, are you ready for it to give him access to that to your phone? If not, then you know be real with yourself you owe yourself for that. Yeah, you know, what I mean? Even the discussion that we have except for the benefit of it for the benefit of ourselves, no doubt as a reminder, we we are not perfect. But, but what I mean is is not to put anyone down, we are trying, the message is guys, we are the Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, we collectively carry his legacy. Yeah, we collectively carry his legacy. This legacy that he received from the from the RBI to him was salat wa salam before him
the greatest legacy the world has ever seen after him, no prophet came, this legacy stopped being transferred from the shoulders of one man to another man, but rather it was transferred from the shoulders of one man to the collective shoulders of an entire ummah.
If you are sitting on social media the way you are right now,
are you doing justice to the portion of the legacy of Muhammad, Abdullah, that you carry on your shoulders? Ask yourself the question. If it's yes, continue, if it's no, trim the fat, get out, shut it down. You don't need it. Right. It's not going to help you you're heading you're heading for a grave you are heading for a meeting with the Angel of Death. Be real with yourself. And the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam is not going to ask us for our phones because he's passed away why Muhammad Allah rasool Allah publica Russa. Mohammed was nothing besides the messenger before he messages came and went.
But Allah subhanho wa Taala is Here live the lamb
is the EverLiving that never dies. Subhanahu wetterhorn He's the omniscient Allah, Allah any Elbasy witnesses, he sees all a Shaheed the universal witness, a relative, the universal observer. Subhanallah
a semi, he listens, he hears everything Subhanallah who were to add, right?
He's watching you. He's observing you. He's witnessing you.
It's as if you are handing your phone to Allah and let him see what you're doing.
So, you know, in the sense of being real,
you know, as I said, you know, we don't want to come with a doomsday kind of construct here or,
you know, a negative sort of paradigm, but in the spirit of being real, the harms seem very clearly, to outweigh the benefits. And in terms of the family structure,
if we don't deal with this topic was tight controls.
I don't see it, you know, building marriages, and helping us build children, upon the mandate of us being collective carriers of the legacy of Rasulullah sallallahu, alayhi wasallam, being part of an ummah that were sent to give and not to take
to Panama. Exactly.
It's been, it's been real.
Our this conversation Hamdulillah I hope the viewers benefit as well, it was, it is a matter of really asking yourself these questions that we've been put forth today is if there's anything else you want to add, Inshallah, any last advice, anything that a person, you know, walk away from this podcast can go away and say, You know what, I want to implement that here. there's anything you'd like to add. To clarify, I mean, given that, you know, our podcast topic today is about social media and the family I just want to say to our brothers and sisters in Islam, those who are getting married, follow the Sunnah of the Prophet salAllahu alayhi wasallam. When it comes to getting
married, choose your spouse is upon the guidance of Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, and then after marriage, be there for each other, you know, help each other become a better human being closer to Allah subhanahu wa to Allah don't be suspicious of each other and don't allow each other to become suspicious of each other and, and build your marriage is to a level whereby you live with each other upon the platform of responsibility. And it's not just about about right, sometimes it might be your right to have an account on a particular social media application. But if you know your spouse doesn't like it, then be responsible responsibly. Leave that right, responsibly, leave
that right see the bigger picture, right, see the bigger picture and don't follow the trend. Set the trend, you know, build the marriage that will be a trend for others to see in the real world. You don't need to build that marriage to be seen on social media, but make it a marriage that is famous with the angels of Allah subhanho wa taala. Right. It's all about making your marriage famous on social media with the people. Be famous with the angels. be famous. Make your marriage famous with the angels be
Parents who are famous with the angels because you are famous with the angels when you famous with Allah subhanho wa Taala because if Allah loves you he calls Gibreel and he commands Gibreel to love you. And when Gibreel goes through the heavens, the angels ask him What did Allah commanded you? He says he commanded me. He said he loved so and so and commanded me to love him. So the angels say we will also love him until love for you. It transcends the heavens and become so overwhelming that it settles in the hearts of people on earth and, and that's true fame. Brothers and Sisters in Islam. Were you famous not just for life, but a lifetime?
And look at the kind of look and feel Rasulullah Hasina in your Prophet sallahu alayhi wa Salam is the best example you don't need to get the example from people who are portraying their marriages on social media even if they be people of knowledge. Follow the Sunnah of the Prophet salAllahu alayhi wasallam everything you need. Brothers and Sisters in Islam is there in his sunnah is the best example. And we need to strive for excellence because again as Muslims, we are husbands for the sake of Allah. We are wives for the sake of Allah, we are parents for the sake of Allah. And if you are doing it for the sake of Allah, then there's only one way to do it upon the way of Rasulullah
sallallahu alayhi wa sallam with us we said and we signed that contract La ilaha illAllah Muhammad Rasool Allah, La ilaha illa Allah I love one Allah, Muhammad Rasool Allah upon the way of Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, that's the advice I can, I can share with with our viewers. Exactly. It's been an absolute pleasure and honor to have you here and to discuss this topic with yourself. I highly appreciate it and hamdulillah and I mean, ask Allah to accept it from yourself.
And Sharla everyone who's watching, including myself, I know that I have benefited from the law. And we'll leave that
on his mind no larger circle, no heron, and ask Allah to accept from us to make these words a means of transformation in our lives and the lives of those who watch this podcast
beyond the member, remember now
shallow ended there at hamdulillah hope everyone has benefited in Sharla until the next episode, I've been hammered by the aid of Chef Sajid Omer here discussing social media and the family Subhanak along Chapin Aloma we haven't like I said, we'll let you go ahead and start with allawah to break assalamualaikum Warahmatullahi Wabarakatuh