Seerah S01 E05 Part B – You Decided Your Child’s Behavior!
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Channel: Sajid Ahmed Umar
Series: Sajid Ahmed Umar - Seerah
File Size: 29.61MB
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The second point, the second point,
protecting them from seeing the evils of our environments, we learned this, the reason why they were sent to the countryside was that was so that they did not learn the mistakes in the Arabic language was so that they did not learn the bad practices of these different people that came in different. You can't control the environment when different caravans are passing through your, your your your, your place, you can't control the environment, they come with different ways, different habits, different behaviors, different morals, different manners, different etiquettes. Right? You can't control it. So rather send them to an environment that does not have the so they're protected from
seeing mistakes. Why is this important? brothers and sisters? Because children learn first through observation through observation. Yes, they are great observers.
You don't believe me? How many people have children here? asked this question yesterday. But I said let's ask it today. hamdulillah How many of you have seen many versions of you in your children? That comes a time in your life? Mashallah lucro laughs afeni becomes a time in your life when you're looking at your child and saying Subhanallah I sit like that? I talk like that. I eat like that. This the mini me here.
We learn through observation, without trying. They end up copying. Children are imitative by nature.
imitative, they imitate, they imitate. And that's what my dear brothers and sisters television, watch out. Watch out. Don't think you many parents, you know, I just I needed I needed a break. So I just put my kid I put my kid in front of the TV. Hello, I put my kid in front of the TV, I get two hours break.
You rather busy yourself in those two hours and spend a lifetime being busy Trust me. When they go astray. Allah protect them.
TV yes can be an educational resource. But the best way to use TV as a resource is for you to sit with your child and make the process more interactive. Not to let them just sit there as if they're in a trans and the TV just feeds them feeds them. Mind is Static, not dynamic at this moment in time, it's just me a feeding me a feeding and then what happens when they sleep they consolidate everything they've learned in the day. So they start consolidating confusion.
Never let them sit in front of the TV and attendant. Even if they're watching the cartoons, sit with them. Sit with them. I had their little children's program today. So I was telling them what what what cartoons Do you watch Barney and friends that go out? That's old? Subhanallah How old am I? I said Barney and friends was when I was already.
Right? When you sitting with them? make it interactive. When they see a character ask what color is that? What shape is that? What did they say? and so on. Don't just let them sit and receive allow their mind to come out of the trance every now and again.
They are imitative by nature. They will start imitating without realization, they will start copying without realization. And this is the lesson My dear brothers and sisters don't think if you don't feel your child's mind, your child's mind will remain empty. Absolutely not. This is a big red X. If you don't fill your child's mind,
the TV will fill your child's mind for you. If you don't fill your child's mind, the neighbor's children will fill your child's mind for you. If you don't fully fill your child's mind.
The school and environment of the school will fill your child's mind for you.
They will be your child's teachers. And it's not your child's fault when your child goes astray and knew nothing better. And the father is with a whoop screaming at his child. This is this is an irony of a lie. It's an irony will lie. It's an irony. It was the father and mother's decisions that created this product. You decided where your child goes to school. You decided whether to send them overseas. You decided the upbringing you wanted to give them you decided you decided you decided now they just following through.
They are a product of what you created. That is why I tell parents when they scream at the children that when you point a finger three fingers are pointing back at you when you blaming the child saying you you blaming yourself three times before that.
You didn't take time.
You know there was a study talking about how
how TV makes our children consumers before they even know that they need money in life.
They say when, when a company for example, say a cereal company, any cereal company, we're not being specific any cereal company decides that they want to sell cereal.
Children cereal, what do they do? Do they go to that advertisement company? No. They go to a psychologist.
what's the what's the psychologist when they asked the psychologist? How best can we get into the child's mind? How best can we market this so that they relate to it?
You think this is a billion dollar industry? marketing and branding and advertising and so on. You think it's you think it's a billion dollar industry for free? You think they were they would they just had money to throw around when they decided to take some ugly footballers face and stick it on a cereal box?
They're not always handsome, by the way. I'm sure you noticed. Right? You would think well, maybe it's handsome. So they put it on the box to make the box look good? No, they're not always handsome. But why are they doing it? There's a reason. It's not that they were just bored twiddling their thumbs and had money to spend the money. You know, it wasn't it wasn't the case. So the psychologists will tell them children relate to round figures more than square figures. They relate to round figures more than square figures. So create a character that's round.
Create a character that's round and make this character do these amazing cool things. And you see in cartoons, all the baddies are square.
And all the goodies are round, except in some circumstances that the day I was I said this and one kid said SpongeBob is a good good cartoon. And he squared
our children I Jeeva. The clever the clever once I was telling a child Don't cry over spoof MOOC
said why I said because it's both seconds to drink it I said it's death you can drink it says no. Now there's a machine you can suck up the MOOC and clean it. And then I can drink it. Said Masha Allah, La haka, little four year old five year old,
there's a machine that can do this
lavaca
I guess we are out.
So
the cereal company goes to that to the advertising companies is this is what we need is the brief. This is what we need. So this little character gets created. And he's on screen. And he's doing these cool things surfing and flying upside down and flying out of Ellicott jumping out of helicopters and so on and so forth. And then when he's tired, he gets onto the beach, gets his towel cleans himself, and he gets given a bowl of x x x cereal.
So what is your child doing? He sat and he's watching. Wow, this character does cool things. And you know what? He eats that cereal? Okay. I wonder what that is? And then what happened on Sunday? When we said Come, let's go to the shops. So it took a little boy to the shops. What does the company do company say tells the shops look, we will pay you and you know that now this on shelving up where you want your products to be even. Even the the supermarkets have realized that you know what there's value in the upper shelf and the bottom shelf in the middle shelf depending on product. So supermarkets now charge you when you want distribution and come to them and say I have a product.
They'll tell you right do you want to pay extra to put it on the shelf? Or you don't want to pay it will be somewhere else. They realize this value here. Let's make money from it. Right? So they tell the supermarket look this cereal here put it on the lower shelves because the people who we selling to they know we've made them consumers from TV.
ready made market parents always stick their children in front of TV. Right? So we know they about this high so they can only see the first two shelves so put it on the bottom two shelves. So now you walk in with your little boy and shop and is looking right and left and is daydreaming and thinking and happy and then all of a sudden his eyeballs on his friend who watches everyday at home.
So Pamela says mommy I want the cereal. You've seen he's a consumer before even you you need money to get that cereal.
Protect your children from seeing bad. This is from prevention is better than cure as well. In our homes. Don't let your children learn bad. Don't let your children see you. A bad man is if you're a man and you have weakness in how you speak to your wife.
Hold your tongue. Hold your tongue. ask forgiveness from your wife ask forgiveness from Allah make dua to Allah to assist you. But in when you in the interim period of ridding yourself of that bad habit. Be extra careful when your child is in the room. If your child sees you as the Father bad mouthing the mother, the child will naturally speak to the mother that way and it's not that the child does not respect the mother. This is the idea when the child then does it. Then the father will say respect your mother. Prevention is better than
Your dear father, saying respect your mother is not going to mean anything now because he doesn't even know that he's disrespecting his mother. This is natural. I'm just, I'm just being how you are.
I don't know this is wrong. Allah who heard you're coming? Butoh neomatik
Allah removed you from the wombs of your mother's and union I think, Who taught you? The environments? teachers? Right? Yes, Allah is the ultimate teacher, but our it's the son of Allah that our environments affect us.
So they would send them away
because they wanted them protected from evil from seeing bad manners, morals, etiquettes, bad language, it's better that they don't see it, because they will naturally acquire it, given how imitative they are in nature. That's the second point. The third point stability. We learned stability from this lesson of how Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam was sent out Why? Because the environment of the countryside was far more stable than Mecca. For the reasons I've cited, different people in an hour different accents, different dialects, different habits, different behaviors. This is not a stable environment for a child. He's out there playing one minute he's
seeing this then he's saying that there's no way he's going to become steady and steady. There's no way
stay environment in the countryside was far more stable. The children would run around there was place for them to run. It was an environment of therapy and being nurtured. Halima had children Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam used to play with them. We know this from the incident of the chest being cut, which inshallah we will finally get to tomorrow. So many lessons come about this what happens? Right? He we know that he was out playing with them stable environments, stable environment, seeing the same people every day for a period. It matches a sense of consistency in the fact we know that children, they consolidate what they learn after they learned. Right? If it's if
everything is if they just mix and match, it becomes confusing for them a stable environment allows them to consolidate
similar learnings, learnings which don't contradict each other.
Even in our homes, brothers and sisters in this century, we should learn this the importance of having a stable environment. The importance of only allowing, for example, people who fear Allah subhanho wa Taala to enter your home not just anybody, people who think the same like you, people who have similar habits, because your child is going to see this Uncle and Auntie that you've allowed him to your home tomorrow, you won't be there, they will see them as my dad's friend, my mom's friend and they will happily take guidance from them. They will happily jump in the car with them. Create a stable environment like mindedness, where there's no contradiction in the learnings.
This is good for them. Allow people who fear Allah only to enter young. This was from the teaching of Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam he said Don't let people partake of your food except those who fear Allah, those who are God conscious. And this condensate is greater wisdom to Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam saying partake of your food, because we you and I know nobody comes into our home and just opens our fridge. Unless they're part and parcel of the fabric.
They have a consistent movement in and out of our home.
It's like home, they come in they partake of our food. This is from the eloquence of Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wasallam he's not saying even the strangers make sure they will cocoon that is true, but he's saying those who you let get come in and out of your house regularly. Make sure they feel
they have the right man is the right morals, the right etiquettes the right adab the right speech patterns, they should share similar teachings to the teachings you have given your child. This is how you create stability in your home. Your home also should not be haphazard, should not be haphazard all the time. Movement constant travel, travel should happen when it's time to travel.
And we should be settled when it's time to settle
I'm not saying we shouldn't be spontaneous it's good sometimes you know you know the I know the sisters that our mother said I say well our home is never happy as always the same as those we need to have some something spontaneous you know something we just happens on off the cuff a we're going for dinner today. Wow, wow, come out of the kitchen. Let's go for dinner. But I've cooked It's okay. We're doing something different today. That's good. I'm not saying that's bad. But be spontaneous when the time to be spontaneous arrives
and allow settlement. When the time of settlement exists. This is good for your children. Remember, we speaking about children. That's why understand brothers and sisters. You cannot live the same life you lived with your wife and wife with a husband. Before children after you have children. changes have to happen can't be the same
We always go out to eat and you always visiting and you're always out of the house and so on and so forth and your child is out of routine, the sleep times are messed up, you know, children, when they don't sleep, how groggy they get upset they get. And if they don't have settled routine times to sleep, it's very unsettling for their development, because we know children's best learning happens also, when they sleeping, they consolidate what they've seen when they awake and what they hear when they awake. If they sleep times upside down, this affects their cognitive abilities, their mental growth, they intelligence, right? We learn all this just from the fact that Rasulullah sallallahu
alayhi wa sallam was sent to the countryside for those who ponder, for those who ponder. This is the Syrah we're not discussing anything else. This is the life of Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, every part has a massive impact in our life. We Allah grant us the understanding. I mean, I mean, from the lessons, my dear brothers and sisters that we can learn is the importance of language, the importance of language and the mother tongue.
Because we as brothers, brother Allen enlightened us,
they were sent to the countryside to protect their linguistic abilities and make them strong. And this is why the Quraysh we know the Arabic language existed at a mighty level, they were, they were skilled when it came to teaching the language. learning the language started from the day you were born, you had to go to the countryside.
Otherwise, you lacked abilities, with the language. And anyone who learns the Arabic language knows how deep this language is, and will lie when you look at the Sahaba, the Allahu anhu, much moraine and how they were understanding revelation. One cannot help but be in awe of them. Subhana Allah He, anyone who learns the Arabic language knows this. And to think Subhanallah they were just revelation was coming and they could differentiate between an obligation and something which is voluntary, just from the revelation. Amazing. Amazing what Look at that, what was the level of the language? Today we learn it and we can understand that we have to rely on the
amazing works of the scholars of Zulu and Arabic language.
Who ABC did for us. The ABC did it for us.
It's all in black and white, we say also panel life, it's like this it means this. How did they know? It was deduced? Immediately till coffee and as they say, right.
Language is important brothers and sisters. Language is important. We know that when civilizations or when somebody tries to destroy a civilization, the first thing they tried to do is annihilate the language. What what caused dispute between East Pakistan or Bangladesh? I think it's East Pakistan, right? Bangladesh and Pakistan what caused the problem?
Language Pakistan even tried to remove the Bengali language Mashallah is some people well versed in history they
right, this is what happened. They, they were trying immediately to create assimilation. How do they start, they said, we're going to wipe out this language, the moment we wipe it out, and they made ODU compulsory in the educational system, they will all learn this language, this was the way to make them forget their heritage.
Right, and that's a war broke out.
Language is important.
learn language well teach language well.
Allow your children to acquire a solid founding in language. We learned this from them the life of Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wasallam. Right. And better still learn the Arabic language while law he is more important than your cultural language because it's the language of your religion.
It's a it's the language of your religion today. So Pinilla a person doesn't know his cultural language, and he knows Arabic language and frowned upon him.
He knows the most important, which is his his Islam is more important closer to us than our culture. We know this. I'm not saying we still shouldn't learn our cultural language, but I'm saying we should be just in how we speak to people. So they appreciate the values, they still know that what they've done learning the Arabic language is good, not that they frowned upon, no credit is given to them for it. And then we we highlight the fact that the cultural language they don't know. Now, praise them for the Arabic language, say they did a great thing, the greater thing and tell them you also need to learn your cultural language is good for the preservation of your heritage. So nothing
wrong with that. As long as it doesn't contradict the Islamic teachings. culture was never a problem.
May Allah grant us the understanding? I mean, from the lessons brothers and sisters that we learn is that and this is the last thing I'll say, is that what you and I sometimes see as negative
is not always negative.
Where do we learn this from?
Anybody? No? Yes?
No.
They knew that was good. Yes. You think the karate is not saying no no from this era? Is that stick the CRS?
Yes. Who said that? Masha? Allah, Allah, when they were reluctant to take us through Allah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam because he was an orphan.
They saw it as something negative, something we shouldn't do.
But if they only knew, if they only knew, and we, they saw the Baraka that came in the life of Halima.
Not everything, which you and I see as
negative is negative. And I think I told you the other day, right? I told you the other day, that there's nothing like complete evil did I'm gonna share this with you? Did we share this lesson with a buyer? There's nothing like complete evil.
Remember this?
Let me repeat it.
There's nothing which is complete evil. If you see something as negative, it doesn't mean it's totally negative is negative from where you sit. I'll give you an example.
And I shared this example earlier. Those who watch the videos will say yes, it was spoken about insha Allah I hope I'm not wrong. We all human beings, we forget
about the windscreens. You see I did say.
I said if hailstones fall from the sky and smash everybody's car windscreens, is that good or bad?
Is that positive or negative?
Bad, negative.
Everybody's going to be saying how's your car? How's your how's your panela windscreens gone? Okay? But go and ask the guy who sells windscreens.
You ask him was this good or bad? He's gonna say it's very good.
Right? He's gonna say my sucks. I'm sold out. I'm sold out for the first time in my life. I can I can go to the Maldives hungry. I was very good. The best thing that could have happened. There's nothing like complete evil. There's nothing like complete evil. I even shared with you the story of use varicella when he was thrown into the wild as a seven year old boy, a six year old boy a young boy, shirtless, good or bad, bad. But 50 something years later, when is the Minister of Egypt and he couldn't be there. If he wasn't thrown in the world 50 years earlier
was him being in the world good or bad? Very good. Very good, because he was the only one who could manage the drought like he did. Where he had food for Egypt and surplus food for Palestine in the surrounding areas. No other minister would have done that. So Allah was looking after the people that were going to experience a drought 50 something years later by putting use of arrays and I'm in the world but our wisdom is limited is limited. We lost our job we complaining.
Our we had issues with our wife we complaining this we try our best if it's not meant to be it's not meant to be turned to Allah get closer to Allah Ibn Masaru Ravi, Allah Who says an amazing statement, listen to this, I've translated it for you. He says that a person becomes concerned with trade and position in life and material well being and financial standing to such an extent, that when it becomes to such an extent that it becomes easy for him to acquire it, it becomes easy for him to acquire it. And then Allah looks at his case. And Allah tells the angels remove it away from him.
Why?
Because Allah says that if things are made easy for this person, it will be a means of his destruction in the hereafter
to pan around.
So the angels remove it away. He says, when this person starts complaining
that this person beat me beat me to it. If only I did this, if only I did that, if only that person didn't do this, if only that person stood up for me, if only that person defended me. If only I learned my lesson, if only if only opened the door to shaper.
We act in haste in Al insana, Julio kahaluu. is a master who shall
now
with me so when he gets goodness, he's withholding winning when when evil hits him, what he perceives as evil. He's in haste he's complaining.
He's an East
Indian mousseline, except for those who observe the Salah, the true Salah.
He starts complaining. And in reality, even Massoud says this complaining person if you only stopped
took a breath and took a step back, he would have seen that Allah was gentle with him. What is worse, losing a piece of the dunya of being punished in the Hellfire?
What is worse? Allah was gentle with you Latif, Allah is nothing if Subhanallah brothers and sisters will lie, something's cropped up in my head. Use of it he said,
after he was thrown into the well taken as a slave, made to grow up in the house of idolatry. seduced by the minister's wife seduced by the women of the city thrown into jail.
Without any end.
Difficulty after difficulty after difficulty after difficulty missing his father never was growing up with his father, never growing up with his brothers never growing up with his mother, strange environments.
We talking 50 years brothers and sisters, at least Allah Allah.
He was about six or seven in in when he was thrown into the wild. He was 14 when he was when seduction happened, and he passed those tests, then he was thrown into jail for close to 10 years. You do the math?
Oh, first years, let's round it up of being of experiencing trials and tribulations. And at the end of the story, what does he say? In our ability for Lima sha Allah
Allahu Akbar. At the end of the story, he says Allah was good to me when when Allah took me out of the prison, and Allah brought my family and reunited me with my family took them out of the desert.
After shavon caused enmity between me and my brothers, in Hobby Lobby fully Maya. Indeed my Rob is gentle with whom he was La ilaha illa Allah, he's calling 50 years of difficulty. Allah be gentle with him.
Look at the understanding of them we are adding him was Salatu was Salam.
Allahu Akbar, Allah My hands are standing. And All praise belongs to Allah for making me remember this one lie. This is what he says. He says Allah was gentle to me.
What I lost is nowhere near what I gained. But most of mankind No, not Allahu Akbar. Understand this, my dear brothers and sisters, Elsa and Takahashi
what I say unto him, bushi wha hoo.
To lead lampoon? Allah says, perhaps you love something, but it's bad for you, you don't know. And perhaps you dislike something but it's good for you. You don't know. You complaining about this job and you wish you had another job but you don't know what this job is good for you. You don't know what that job is going to do to the person in the hereafter. Allah says And Allah knows.
And you know not
understand this, my dear brothers and sisters, you know what our problem is, before we end today.
We say we believe in the hereafter. But we live our lives as if we don't believe in the hereafter.
When you ask someone, what are the pillars of a man and to be lucky
to be here?
Allah Right. Well back at the Battle mode in some
explanations, so he can read it out to you, I believe in Allah and His messengers and his books and his angels and the last day and in Divine Will and pre destination good and bad fate is from Allah. type. So you believe in the last day? You believe in the last day you said I believe in the last day? Why do you live life as if you don't believe in the last day? I tried to fix you. And you go into depression as if your journey is this world and you've lost it, you forgot that this is nothing but a place of acts of examination, a place that you and I are upon to build our hair after not burn our hair after.
We act as if we forgotten that we believe in the life of the grave. We forgotten that we have a standing in front of Allah subhanho wa Taala. On the day of Tiana, we say we believe but we practice something else. Nobody is talking the walk.
nobody's doing that. That's our problem. That's when we start blaming Allah when Allah forgive us. That's when we start. You know, I'm asking and I'm asking Allah not giving Now hold on. That's not what you should say. Allah. Allah is lopi for Allah is gentle with us. It's for you to find out how it's for you to find out how having not having knowledge about something does not mean that that something does not exist. Is that clear.
Not having knowledge about it does not mean that it does not exist. If you don't have knowledge of the goodness that Allah has placed in your difficulty. It does not
mean that goodness does not exist in it is for you to be patient. Why are we told to be patient? Be patient until Allah switches on the light and you see the wisdom you might stand in front of Allah on the day of the AMA and say Allah, Allah, Allah Allah, the greatest, Jenna how I wasn't worthy of this. I didn't do these deeds. Allah will say you know how much I took away from you.
You see Subhan Allah if I only knew I wish you to call everything
Allah make us patient people.
These are the lessons that Allah subhanho wa Taala has been easy for me to share with you today. Well, law he wants I've left out is far more I've only shared with you a drop in the ocean.
But something is better than nothing. May Allah grow our love for Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, and grant us tends to continue learning from his Syrah. I mean, Melba except I was sitting from us, make the sitting, one which pleases Him, make the sitting solely for his sake alone. And may Allah gather us here in this Masjid many many times again, and gathers underneath his hours on the day of the AMA, and gathers in Jannah with Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam Armenia but I mean, may Allah accept our Ramadan and bless us in what remains And may Allah decree upon us witnessing the night of power. I mean, how the Allahu Allah sallallahu wasallam albaraka Allah and
Amina Mohammed who Allah Allah He was a big marine Subhana Allah He will be Hamdi Subhana Allah humblebee Ambika Nasha do Allah Allah Allah and Mr. Furukawa to blue lake wa salam o aleikum wa rahmatullah wa barakato.