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Young, Tested and Facing Death
Channel: Omar Suleiman
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Episode Transcript ©
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Hey people, this is Amani, welcome to my podcast chatter money hashtag brain bubble, a little offshoot from our app fight for money Instagram page, I hope to document and share the highs and the lows, and everything in between of my life since being diagnosed with incurable brain cancer. Today's episode is
one that I wasn't even sure if I was gonna end up doing. It's actually my 10th episode of my podcast in China.
And I have a special guests are invited to give my walrus Saddam's to which his brother, Omar Solomon,
I'm sure a lot of you will know Him.
Very, very, very kindly. He's offered it up his time to speak with me for this podcast,
which the topic is quite heavy. But it's also quite unique. I feel like it's something that is important for me to try and cover the best that I can.
And that's about specifically being young and tested. And as a young Muslim woman, I just thought, faced sickness, they all come as part of the parcel of life, I feel like you know, when people are going through hardship, even those that aren't practicing, or maybe even have a religion at all will turn back to questioning, you know, just the existence of life and wanting to know more on wanting to find comfort from answers, and questions that maybe they can't get answers to.
So I think it was probably at maybe, you know, such a good time and handed us or we are, you know, as a family are so grateful that you reached out to us, I think you came across part of my story, maybe on social media. And at the time that you actually stumbled across my story and reached out
to my dad was doing a really, really difficult time recently, where I was in hospital, and I'd had about three, I think, failed surgery attempts. And it was getting quite critical of the actual operation that they did to drain fluid from my brain, it kept blocking. And naturally, there's only so many times that your body can handle surgeries.
And I think,
since my diagnosis, this has probably been my most difficult time. Because I think within such a short space of time,
I'd obviously gone through physically a lot of a lot of surgeries. And then just the fear, I think the reality maybe sunk in a bit, is just to ask some questions, more from genetic stomach perspective, because my Islamic faith is a huge part of my identity, me and the journey as a whole, especially spiritually, it's very difficult. But for me, I really, I'm in this position as a young person, I just think Inshallah, if there those fears or worries that I had, at the time, if they could be answered, for other people, then you won't feel so lonely, you really need just someone to say a few words, Inshallah, and just help reaffirm or settle any worries, and then that can help you
with your journey. So that's, Inshallah, what my aim is from today's. So I come around catotti, to you and to everyone else. And I want to first and foremost, you know, just thank you for being an inspiration to so many people, Subhan Allah, there are people that as they're going through things, the pain that they are facing as individuals is enough to completely occupied them.
But I know that, you know, you have made it a point to use your moment of hardship, to help heal others that are going through it. And that is a great, a great testimony to your spirits and who you are and what you represent.
And what your family represents. I mean, I think for me, almost sometimes, you know, I get 100 I'm so blessed with me sharing my journey, the kindness that people have shown me that I do feel sometimes uncomfortable, and it does worry me, but how do I deal with that, especially now, you know, on the ballot, I do have a online presence. You might share your story and that's your truth, but it doesn't necessarily mean that someone else will take it the same way. And if they misconstrue it, I don't want to hold myself out as an way and people. And then I'm not think I think that one of the things I mean, first of all, to be cautious about what you say and how you use your platform is
is always a good thing. No matter what situation you're in,
and health or in sickness it's constantly
I think important for us to renew our intentions and to review our words before we, we speak them. And so I applaud you for that caution, I think it's a good caution to have in sha Allah. But, you know, with that being said,
lot of people are struggling with different types of things, right? Some of them far more severe than others. And resilience is a language that can really uplift a lot of people. And help them see the perspective they need to see in the midst of their hardships, when it's very, very, very hard to see that. And sometimes in in giving, you are in fact receiving. And so it's the repeated affirmations, it is the repeated reminders to ourselves and to others around us that
this life as we go through tragedy, and the different ways that we experienced tragedy,
that the most beautiful of our spirits come out.
And there is a deep connection that we developed to Allah subhanaw taala and to each other, in the process of, to our Creator and to each other, our families come closer. And as an unmanned, as a people, as a human, a human family, we can relate to that pain, and that resilience, the story of resilience is always one that everyone needs at some point. And so I pray that you remain sincere in that and you, you use what you what you have of your strength to continue to give other people strength, the way that you have them. And that that is a form of receiving and shall lots of strength and perspective and steadfastness for you and your family as well. So, thank you to you and
your family. May Allah bless you and bless your family, for all that you've been giving to us. And I can assure you that
thus far, may Allah keep you firm and steadfast. Thus far, the the way that you've used your platform is just beautiful. And, you know, I personally have found much benefit from from you and from your family
falls ill or some hardship for someone, especially as a Muslim,
you have the same eyes and kind of reassurances that I given. So it's one of the one that is very poignant is obviously very with hardship comes ease. The time I remember how guilty I felt,
and worried I was about struggling with understanding these things. But at that point, were in such a short space of times, so much had happened. And then I would hear the idea and I just, I couldn't get my head around it. Because I was like, I believe that is true. I just couldn't find the comfort in it. Because in that moment, in that time, you're not seeing any kind of physical improvement, even if you're not looking for a miracle. How do you manage the understanding of that? Yeah, now look what you're speaking about.
In the Moto SEO, so barely with hardship comes ease.
You know, the hardest, yet most rewardable time to trust, the giver of light is when you can't see the light at the end of the tunnel. And the giver of light is Allah. And so you you can't see the light at the end of the tunnel.
And you can't rationalize your pain, your hardship, the degree of it, and you don't see an end in sight in this life.
Allah did not promise us but the ease will come in this life. He promises us that no hardship will go unrewarded. Allah does not promise us that our tests will lead up in this life.
He promises us that
the other side of that test, whether it is in this life for the next is assured, Allah does not promise us no pain, but he promised us that he's always sort of watching and always in control. And it becomes hardest for us to understand that in those moments. There's no doubt about it, but more most formidable as well. When we renew that trust in Him, when we don't see that light at the end of the tunnel.
And so, one of the things that I came to realize, you know, in my own journey of sort of understanding the religion and particularly trying to come to terms with
you know, hardship and
you know, I Subhanallah cancer is something deeply personal. I have not been through it. I saw my mother go through it as a child and so trying to rationalize as well what was happening and things that
is that Allah does not speak much to the,
you know, to the principle of divine decree in the Quran, in the sense of why do bad things happen to good people and things of that look on your mom the highest rocks of gender in China. I mean, thank you so much zakat Allah.
So Allah, Allah won't, won't speak about it in the symptomatic sense. But
it's really belief in a lot in the last day, belief in the hereafter. Because if you're limited to this life, if everything has to come together in this life,
it's always gonna fall apart. But if you have, as firm of a belief, in a hereafter, which you have not yet seen, as you do in the existence of this life, which you presently live in,
then suddenly, it all makes sense, because it's the idea of time, that bothers us so much. We want to see, naturally, as human beings, we want to see it all come together in this dunya, we want to see it come together in front of our eyes, in front of the eyes of all those that are witnessing the hardship, whether they're experiencing it, or someone that's beloved to them is experiencing it.
But the reality is, is that our existence is far greater than this life. Our this life is so limiting, it's a limited time, it's limiting in the sense of the fact that no one gets to experience uninterrupted joy in this life. You know, no matter who you are, you're going to have some sort of hardship, right? You'll be tested in some way. So it's a very limited life and limiting dunya.
But we know that the same one that created this realm and brought us into existence here, has created the other realm and will bring us into existence there. And so we trust in the ease coming to us, and that Allah will compensate accordingly, and reward accordingly. And that the ease will make the hardship worth it. And this is this is something that's very, you know, it is it is difficult to come to terms with at times. But
you know, the prophesy Son gives us the scene on the Day of Judgment of people that were generally more tested than those that had a very easy life, an adult, but those people who were tested, are being rewarded by Allah in such a way that the people who are not tested would wish they were tested. Because our understanding is that the ease makes the hardship worth it. Because the one who brought you into existence here is the one who controls your destiny and your fate, and the one who decides how to reward and how to comfort. And there is nothing like the comfort and the compensation that he will show. But
I think that's such a beautiful way. Look, I because I think for me, the comfort that I have found specifically in my faith is probably the fact that it's removed the unknown. So I don't know exactly what my past or journey is beyond this life. But
I think the idea of just if I didn't have any faith being put in this situation, and having basically no answers just I feel like Subhanallah is terrifying, even with the knowledge of course it is but a humbler, the knowledge of knowing that it's not a permanent, dark, cold existence, basically an asset, right, life is not a short, but the reward is a short.
I think the idea that it's almost a bus stop, you know, you're waiting for the next phase of your journey or your life, it's just kind of in a different way.
You know, we're told in the Quran, and we can learn from others, do actions, just photos, take the things we are supposed to do. Almost like an instruction manual to find a line and then we'll be able to you know, you follow almost like the treasure map and then inshallah you will get your end goal. For me, it's brought me a lot of comfort in knowing that, that separation for my loved ones, which is the scariest thing for me when I think about death is obviously just the unknown, but also being alone. That comfort that my faith and religion has given me and knowing that it's depending on how you act, you know, you'll be able to achieve and be promised and guaranteed you know, a reunion
with your loved ones in a place even better than what you can imagine. That has given me comfort because that doesn't sound like a scary place to be on allow your continent. You know, you call upon Allah, the prophets license I'd call upon a lot with confidence and need in. Look, just imagine when we go to the airport, when your family drops off, drops you off and
They send you to another place and sending you off to college or sending you off to a resort or sending you off to other family members. And think about a time before cell phones and technology existed, that connected people, right, you know, our parents, you know, when my parents came to the United States that the only way they could connect with their parents is through letter writing, right, but it's no face to face. And there's a sadness when you take your loved one to the airport and say bye to them. And there's a moment of crying and hardship. But when you know, you're going to something that is better and chama and people on the other side, and a less restrictive and less
painful existence in sha Allah, so long as you
you live, what is left of this life in praise of Allah, and you praise Him through that transition, then you've been guaranteed a house of peace with him.
And I want you to know, you know, in sha Allah, and this is that idea of the bus stop. As he said, Palo Alto, that example. It's, it's the unknown and that we can't, we can't pick up the phone and call our loved ones anymore. And we don't know where they've gone to. And we don't know where we're going to and things of that sort. But we're all at the bus stop. That's the thing. bus stop is not the graveyard, the bus stop is actually the dunya itself. We're already here. We just don't know which bus we're getting on. What time we're leaving. But we're already at the bus stop. The bus stop is not the graveyard. Right? So once you transition, and once we all transition
to have this understanding that on the other side are people that I love that went before me.
And Charlotte are the righteous souls that went before me.
You know, when I think about
that transition, I think about seeing my mom again, and I think about seeing the profit slice of the most beloved person that I ever had in this dunya was my mom. And, you know, life has not been the same since she left. So I think about meeting her again. And I think about meeting the Prophet slice of them who
I love him dearly. And I never got to meet him. And it's like I it's like, Who do I want to meet first, you know, when I get there? Who are you looking forward to seeing in Shama. So there are people there, and the prophets, my son giving us that visual that the righteous believing souls come to greet you.
And they are more joyous to receive you than your loved ones in this world. When you come home, they've missed you, like they come to greet you, they come to embrace you. And the angels say, give them some time. They just got here, let them rest. It's, you know, the unknown is certainly scary. But if a person does, as they've been told through that instruction manual, as you as you mentioned, and we have a confidence that even the best situation in this dunya you know, the prophets lie, some says that this world is a prison for the believer.
And it's a paradise for the disbeliever. Right? It's talking about relative to the hereafter. It's not a prison to the believer, because you have to, you'll find no joy in this life. And because there'll be no happiness, that you'll never have any moments of laughter and no, it's not that it's relative to what what comes in the hereafter. Once you leave this because prison restricts or restricts time or restricts space and restricts your ability. But there's a
companion of the Prophet slice and I'm said to the ruler of Persia, and leave the dunya studied aside to do and after that we are here to liberate people, from the constriction of this world to the expanse of the hereafter. The hereafter is far more expensive than what this life has to offer us. So we don't put our hopes in this life.
We put our hopes in a lot who brought us into this life? But we're all at the bus stop already. And you never know who's gonna get I mean, we're recording this podcast.
We don't know who's going to get there first. Who's going to leave the bus stop which bus? We don't know. You know, panela we don't know it might be you getting on a bus it might be getting on a bus. It might be a listener getting on a bus, because that's the point you don't know which bus you're getting on. But we are all at the bus stop and inshallah if we know the destination and we know what awaits us at the destination and we have confidence in the one that controls the buses that inshallah Tada we're able to proceed with with greater joy. Is there any like, description of paradise that you could give me? Comfort? Because, you know, there's a lot of focus in all religions
on the idea of heaven and hell, but I think, especially in times of fear, the focus
If need be more on the mercy and the beauty of the religion in the comfort base bought me so I haven't seen it, I hope to see it within.
I haven't seen I hope we both see it.
suffice it to say that the one who created us and created our likes and dislikes, and created our inclinations and repossessions who created all of that
is the one who created a paradise that is meant to perpetually satisfy us. And so it has what No, I have seen what no year has heard, and what has never even come to the minds of a single human being it cannot be comprehended due to its beauty and due to its expanse. But the way the Prophet slice alum has described this to us is that when the believing soul goes to the grave,
the grave, if a person answers those questions correctly, and the three questions are, Who is your Lord, who is your prophet? What is your religion, so long as a person can say, Allah, Muhammad Sallallahu wasallam. And my religion is Islam, the religion of all the prophets, the religion of submission to one God, the message of Abraham, Moses, Jesus, and Muhammad peace be upon them all. Then at that point, a lot says, from the heavens that might serve and have spoken the truth, close them from the garments of Paradise, and open up their grave, and expand their grave, and give them a window into their Paradise, and let the smell of that paradise come into their grief. And that
person who is now dressed in the garments of Paradise, and looking out to the paradise and certainly gardens, and the description of paradise in the Quran, is a place of, of greenery, and where gardens are, you know, unmeasured, and where rivers flow and things that we cannot imagine. But at the same time, the terminology, pain and sickness and no pain and sickness,
this is the thing about paradise is that there is no pain after paradise. This thing, you know, Allah, Allah has made it so that once you enter it, you don't get out. And once there is joy, there is no sadness. And it only keeps getting better, it never even stagnates, it continues to get more beautiful every day. And you continue to get more beautiful every day, and your award continues to get more beautiful every day. And so, the idea is, it goes, you know, just like you trust Allah and pain, you trust a lot to give you a paradise, that will be more than enough for you. Because we can't even begin to imagine, you know, if I was to share, you know, and we go through hardships in
this life, and we wish to see those hardships alleviated. And paradise to us usually in this in this life means being concerned, free, you know, like, like, rest. Yeah, this isn't a place of rest and, but speaks of Arjuna and says that test now if he had avea you won't hear anything that bothers you anymore. The Sat Nav Alia, you'll be pleased your effort to be pleased with the way that you responded
will be pleased with the way that she responded to your hardship. You'll be pleased with the prayer that you did despite the sickness and despite the hardship that you were going through, you'll be pleased that you still have a ton of praising the last panel a tan, even as things became darker and more difficult. And so there is no more thickness, there's no more sadness, and there's no getting out once you're in. So there's no roller coaster in that sense. And may Allah grant that to you and to, um, to all of us.
I think the other thing is, obviously, that with a long term illness, patience is just is definitely the biggest challenge. It's not like if you get a flu, and even then it's difficult when it's a week long and you don't feel or see the improvements. I think again, it's the thing that people are scared to say is you know, and Allah forgive me if it's wrong me to say this, but how, with something that is so prolonged and long term, the difficulty of maintaining the faith and maintaining the sincerity of your doors, but it is very tiresome. It's difficult is you know, you do feel like with something that is, you know, for sure is not going to just disappear once you wake up
that worry of your daughter's not being as sincere as they were. When you first were diagnosed because as time goes on you you know in some ways you get desensitized
to your situation. And a lot of people maybe that aren't in the same situation with think, does that show a weakness in faith?
Now look, you don't have to love your trial. You have to love Allah through your trial. You don't have to enjoy the pain. You have to have certainty that the pain will yield paradise and his reward at the end of it, but you don't have to enjoy it or or love the trial. It's maintaining perspective through the trial.
And so that's why when the prophets lie, some faced his greatest pain. And he is who he is where I mean we think about the messengers, hello Laurie so on and so humanizing not in that, you know, you some people try to humanize the prophets by assigning sense to them that are inappropriate, and not be fitting, you know, and major sins that have been associated to the prophets of old.
We don't humanize our profits by chipping away at their infallibility. But there is a humaneness to the pain that he felt and pain is so universal. But with the profit slice alone, can you imagine burying six of your seven children? I mean, the pain of burying one child.
You know, imagine burying six of seven born without a father burying his mother at six, his grandfather at nine who was his father figure, then his uncle thought that his wife had the utility alone. He went through the burial process of almost everyone that was beloved to him, right in terms of his family. And, you know, his last one, Ibrahim, it heard a lot. Brahim was was a son that was born after a very long time.
And the Prophet Seisen was celebrating the birth of a son Ibrahim, and then he died in his in his hands and the prophets I some current, and one of the companions looked at the Prophet slicin and said, well, Antiochus will allow you to a messenger of Allah like what you cry, how could you be crying, like who? The prophets My son has actually at that point, then too, the night he's been through the night journey, he's been through an assault with Mirage, he's seen the scenes of heaven, he's actually seen it. None of us have, right? He has seen it. He's seen the reward. He's in direct communication with his Lord, the Lord of the heavens in the earth. But there was a natural pain when
he he's holding his son Ibrahim dying in his hands. But what did he say? He said, The Eisah tears, the heart feels sadness. But, and we are sad over your departure, Ibrahim, but but we don't say except that which is pleasing to Allah, but the tongue remains in a state of praise. I continued to say Alhamdulillah continue to praise Allah subhanaw taala. So
I'm in pain, with what I'm dealing with. And no one saw what he saw. So I saw him he know exactly. The prophets lie Selim had seen, you know, on his journey, children that had passed away in their young age, with our father, Ibrahim alayhis, salam, the Prophet Abraham peace be upon him, he never really seen that site. But that didn't mean that he didn't feel great pain, when he saw his son Ibrahim breathed his last rites. And so that is, that's mercy develop in the heart. These are human emotions, the fact that you maintain perspective, and the fact that you continue to be in a state of praise, and in a state of remembrance, that is what is to be sought out. And that is the station
that we seek to be in. Even as we go through what we go through. Even like my family, because they're caring for me full time. They don't have as much time I'm sure as they want to, to sit and just pray continuously. Because I thought this too, if I if someone told me I only had this much time to live, you just pray and pray and pray. But the reality is that that's not possible. So I was just wondering if there's any advice you have on balancing that and, and maybe if there's other ways as well as spending your time, right, that would still be classed as a bother.
You're in a state of worship, as long as you're burying the pain with patients. That's number one.
Number two, you know I your question about your eyes and
ears, you know, from Rama Hapa may Allah be pleased with them where he said I don't concern myself with the answer to my dear i just concern myself with the ability to make it because Allah does not let a person make that without being turned back empty handed. That's what the prophet sighs I'm said to us.
Similar to that question about the mother's love for the child when the prophets license Allah is too shy for the servant to make dua and he not answered when you turn to Allah sincere then you make the fact that he allowed you to make drama. It's a sign that he wants to give you something. However, again,
That bestow, that response may be one that is delayed to the hereafter and better than what is given in this life. That doesn't mean you stop making God for the goodness of this life. That means that when the goodness does not manifest itself in obvious ways in this life, you trust that it has manifested itself in other ways, in this life and in the next life and or in the next life. And so do not fear that part of it. And when it comes to a bad look, sometimes a sickness especially can be very overwhelming. So just like a legate, concessions to combine prayers in these situations, and things of that sort. Likewise, it'll be hard sometimes to even think straight into, to do vipkid
I would say that when a person is sick, and when they're going through pain,
try to keep repeating Likud Subhanallah Hamdulillah. In battle Allah,
even if even if sometimes the, the heart and the mind cannot be fully present, let the tongue keep moving. But the tongue keep moving in liquid and Charma, as much as you can
orient yourself to the lateral line,
down the line, Allah. So keep saying no, you know, in the law, especially, and that's the best form of ticket, say other forms of ticket as well. And, again, sometimes it's sometimes it will just be the tongue, sometimes you'll be in so much pain that your mind and your heart just can't be there. Keep doing it all the time. So I mentioned earlier, you know, we have a lot of Hadith and is that we can use to help. And another one that I really struggled with, was that Allah subhanaw taala will never bear a soul more than it can bear. And
I just was in that state where
I could not at that time, comprehend how, like, I could bear it any more pain or hardship.
But I really, really struggled with that, if anything, it brought me fear. Sure.
I was like, oh, you know, these things are consecutive things that happen. And maybe I had gotten to a point where I'd made a little bit of an improvement. And you cling to that. And then there'd be another setback. And I I'd be even lower than the first one that I'd overcome. Because naturally your mind your body gets tired.
I was in that place where there was no one and nothing that could could convince me that I could bear it. At what point?
Is this too much? And how do you
navigate that, because if you have people that struggle with difficulties, and maybe they take their own life, as a young person in that situation, I just couldn't rationalize to do and another one that links perfectly on the lower this is also Everyone kept saying about Cipolla, you know, Allah's mercy.
spa for 23 years, I've experienced, you know, a wonderful, wonderful life formula. And even now, as difficult as it is, there are times of you no absolute joy. But, you know, I was told repeatedly about, about how much Allah subhanaw taala loves you in comparison to your mom. So I'll start with the first one and then I'll I'll phase into the second one. So the first one, the primary intended meaning you can Calphalon that's in the lows, Allah does not burden the sub. So beyond that scope, is first and foremost in how he will account us. And so what that means is
even the companions were very scared from intervideo mafia, unfussy come out to who you have Silicon Valley law, that if you conceal what is within you, or you express it, Allah will hold you accountable to it. And so the profit slice I'm saying that Allah does not hold a
a person accountable for what a person thinks, as long as they don't say it or act upon it race or internal thoughts sometimes. So it's the hisab with Allah that Allah will not burden us and Allah will not charge us on day of judgment for things that were beyond our control. So that's the first meeting right? The prophets, I'm saying Allah has forgiven a person for what they don't say or do, even if they may think it or something might cross their minds, or a person becomes forgetful.
A lot of our Nacion the person who does something mistakenly or the person does something out of forgetfulness, or the person that does something under compulsion that Allah would forgive them, right. So that's the first sort of meaning and a second meaning also would be in regards to the rulings from Allah subhanaw taala the Shetty on itself, the practice of the demons of that you're in sickness, and we've spoken about, you know, some of the concessions and sickness and things of that
Word right in over the past few weeks. And so concessions when a person is ill concessions that the religion is not overbearing and does not pose an undue hardship, right that the that Islam is practical. And so when a person becomes sick or when a person is trapped, that the Sharia itself, the filter itself is accommodating. And that it's not, it's not overly broad on however, that larger broader meeting is certainly one that does hold true. And the example that I would give is that look, if you know a person is lifting weights, and there's a time when you're when you're lifting weights, as you're pushing yourself to the next level, right? That you don't feel like you're going
to be able to make it but then something happens to where you do actually make it and so sometimes our we are ignorant of our own potential and our own scope, because the scope expanse and Allah has created everything with this expanse, right. So the universe is constantly expanding. Our hearts can expand sometimes to where we can, you know, you talk about Allah has does not burden us beyond our scope. There are people that we forgive sometimes that we feel like we would never forgive, right but the heart expands. And so sometimes even physically our capacity expand spiritually, our capacity expands. So
that is, that is still true. However, it doesn't always feel that way. It can feel like you are you've reached your your capacity, but you haven't actually reached your capacity. And so that's that's that's a broader meeting. Now the second part of that question, which is,
you know, the mother of love loving us are being more merciful to a servant that the mother is to her child,
Chef, Muhammad Chanel, he, he wrote a paper for Yaqeen Institute, actually on that hadith, and he broke it down beautifully about Allah, loving, more merciful
to a to his to His servant than a mother to a child. I'll actually while you're asking this question, I'll get the name of the article. But I want to answer it specifically, and in the capacity of pain and hardship.
When we talk about the mercy of the mother, and the love of the mother,
one of the most difficult things for a mother to do with her child is to take something from her child because the child is going to harm itself. Or, you know, specifically like I look back and I think about, you know, when when my wife weaned our three children and like, you look at the baby's face, and that baby's like, Why do you hate? You know, why are you doing this? Because the baby cannot possibly understand why it's being weaned, right? Or why? Why you're taking something away or so it's not just the Mercy, the mercy of the Mother, the love of the mother is not just contained in the mother hold the way the mother holds the child in the way the mother cares for the child loves
the child. But it also in the mother, you know, sometimes feeling you know, pain because they have to do things that the child doesn't understand, especially as a baby. Yeah. Now, here's, here's what I give you in terms of an example that I hope inshallah will resonate, I hope I can properly verbalize it. The discrepancy between the mothers understanding and the infants understanding at one year old, is nothing like the discrepancy of the servant to the Creator of the heavens in the earth. Like what Allah knows, and what we know, the gap is far greater than the gap between that mother and her child. And so I take comfort in
Allah Who who's has not restricted by time, knows what is to come, and what has become, and what would have been done. Allah who sees what I don't see a lot, who knows what I don't know, Allah who's not restricted to my senses, and my faculties. And on top of that, he has a one on machine on top of that.
All of them see the mercy and the love that your parents have for you and that you have for your parents that we as believers and as human beings have for one another that animals have for each other. All of that being contained in one Mercy of Allah. And 99 Mercy is left for the day of judgment.
I can't even imagine all that mercy is just one of His mercy. Subhanallah so it's, it's, it's trusting that the smartest person in the world, the smartest person in the world, the discrepancy between the smartest person in the world's knowledge and ALLAH SubhanA wa, tada is greater than the discrepancy between the mother and the child that one year old or six months old, or whatever it may be. So yes, a lot. I can't make a judgment on Allah's mercy.
Because I can't understand what Allah knows.
And so I resigned myself to that not to say that I and this is another thing and it's very important Imani for us to take this
A lot of times people try to do the other side of this, which is they try to rationalize the pain and say, well maybe because this is happening, this is happening, this is happening and see this and this and that. And sometimes what that when you speak in a definitive sense, right, because this is happening, this is happening, and this will happen, and perhaps this will happen. You're trying to to prematurely and without, without full diagnosis of the situation and what's happening, you know, determine the outcome and speak about the outcome, as if you know, and the Twain is no, actually, I don't know. And Hamdulillah I trust Allah, I trust a lot. I trust that he knows. And I trust that he
will do right by me and do right by us. I think it's one of the analogy to a mother's love is, especially the way you've explained it has been so helpful, because I just felt like it just clicked into place for me like, I never actually thought of it that way. It's fun. Also just awkward for sharing it. But about in shallow, when we're all reunited in Paradise, and we look back, it will be like all the puzzle pieces fit together and it will all be worth it. And
so I just wanted to give the paper because I remembered the the infinitely merciful Mohammed nationality on yuckiness to the infinitely merciful. So he talks about that hadith, I'm sorry, just
so we're going through a trial.
Obviously, it's natural to express emotions of fear,
and frustration, maybe and obviously upset, I just want to really be reinforced from an Islamic perspective that genuinely these emotions then cause you to question
bits of faith or things that you not disbelief, but just trying to understand trying to process certain things.
I just want to ask you whether that's a weakness in faith. Because
for my understanding is that
we've we've been created as humans, so expressing emotions to changes in circumstances like that, that's a natural human emotion. But then there's also the other side where I found a lot of conflict and just kind of handing over what I don't understand. And just getting to a point where I realized that I have no control. So I have to accept the situation that I'm in and, you know, try and make the most of the time that I've been a handler blessed with. Okay, so talking about the emotions and the questions that come about, and is it sinful? The answer to that is really that, look, it's the emotions are normal, the internal pain and questioning that might come is normal.
To deny the those questions from manifesting themselves in speech and an attitude is not to deny the emotions that lead to those questions. It's to remind yourself that Allah has the answers,
and that I won't have the answers. And so that's really what it is. So to sort of, reckon with it, grow with it.
Anticipate the reward and the mercy of Allah subhanaw taala anticipated as you go through going through inshallah Wattana. I think it's, it is just life itself. In general, everyone's life is just beyond our comprehension. Even people that are going through what maybe others would consider minor difficulties, they might not be minor to someone else. And I think when you find yourself in the situation,
that I'm not the only one that was questioning these things, but I felt like I was quite isolated in because you don't hear or experience anyone else's thoughts. That's the truth. So you feel like you're by yourself, you know, so I just thought it was important to maybe put out there that questioning in a situation like this, if that doesn't bring up questioning, then what kind of situation is because I feel like maybe, maybe if I wasn't put in this situation, you know, all this new knowledge I'm gaining, I wouldn't be sat there seeking it out. If we are being honest, sometimes you it takes a trial like this, to bring yourself to a place where you are seeking knowledge. And I
think for me,
maybe that is one blessing, because of my age. And because the situation I was in which was very blessed 100 I never would have explored these avenues. I never would have been able to be involved in these charity campaigns. And maybe like you were saying, grow and understand these ideas and versus as my journey progresses.
There were times I didn't see a way out. And finally, I'm still I'm here talking to you today, I want to grant you that perspective and grant you that foresight and grand vision.
And grant you comfort through that clarity, and this length on the next. And the only other thing is, I'm 100% knots in this, I can say that, without a doubt, I don't think there is anyone that is
being told that I'm lucky. Because all my sins are being forgiven. The hadith of you know, a believer is rewarded, and their sins are forgiven even for like a pick on the finger.
That brought a lot of comfort, but then in the scale of, of a such a huge trial, repeatedly being told, like, you know, you're blessed, all your sins are forgiven, like, you know, your loved more than everyone else. Obviously, in that moment, you're struggling so much you're so overwhelmed, is, you know, it's hard to that was another hard thing to reconcile. Yeah. And look,
there's no doubt that the believer will be tested as the prophets lie, some said until they meet Allah without sin. And so I pray that I pray that you, you do meet Allah sinless, I genuinely and sincerely hope that didn't allow you meet him completely sinless. And I hope the same for all of us in sha Allah.
Throughout this Alhamdulillah, I've really tried to focus, you know, on the positives, because it is so so easily, like, easily done to just get consumed in complete darkness, especially when you are feeling very isolated, you are kind of you feel like you're on the outside, you know, you know, like a goldfish bowl kind of watching everyone else. And you're just stuck in the same place going round and round. You know, I focus on the blessing, I tried to see the fact that, you know, we even have health care here. But then I start to feel guilty at times where I do feel myself feeling frustrated or impatient. Because I do think that the people that don't even have a hospital to go to, I feel
like I don't have the right to complain, because I know that there's others who aren't here today with their loved ones, for example. So I just didn't know how to do that. I just wondered whether there's any way to balance obviously processing the fact that you are in an unfortunate situation, but donating, like not letting it completely consuming. Look, I mean, it's, as you said a few times, in a way, it's always easier said than done.
To some extent, looking to those and this is prophetic, the prophets I mentioned to look to those who have less than you. And it'll, it'll give you perspective. So to some extent, looking to those that are suffering more, looking to those that have less than you that don't have the care that don't have the facility, they don't have the family
could be a means of soothing and comforting and keeping perspective.
But at the same time
to stay focused on Allah means that anytime you're looking at the sight of other people and their situations, it is not to compare to your situation. It's not to say that, you know, not not to minimize the pain, but to remind yourself, of the reality of this life, and the assurance of a loss reward. That's really what it is. And so, not to get caught up in those situations, but to help to help yourself contextualize your own journey by looking at theirs. And everyone, of course, you've mentioned that, you know, you can't I believe you said you can't you can't have someone else's thoughts and experiences, right. It's, it's, you know, you're speaking to someone else. So even what
you're experiencing of other people's journeys and their hardships you're not experiencing before the fullness of it.
You might see someone Subhanallah and this is I can tell you, as you know, as an imam who deals with the community that there are people that come to the masjid and you think they must be the happiest people in the world. Once you hear their story, they're going through horrible things that that you would never know. Right? So there are things that are hidden from human experiences from other human eyes. And sometimes they're hidden all the way until death. Because that's obviously the worry is when you're in a situation like this, your prayers you want them to be as sincere as possible. You don't want your mind to be wandering. And the difficulty is is that you're praying for something
that's so important. It's not just me, I know it's affected my loved ones too because they're busy with carrying with me. So not only are they don't have the time to do as extra bother as they want they they're more
Mind, just like the rest of us are drifting with everything that's going on. So how do you focus your mind because of all the things that are going on your mind isn't focused, does that mean your prayers, they're not? Not that they're not going to be heard. But if you know,
Allah knows, Allah knows, Allah knows, Allah knows when you're trying.
Allah knows when you're trying. So you focus on trying you focus on effort. Allah knows. So Allah does not expect perfection. He expects your best effort.
When you're making your best effort.
Allah looks at you, trying to pray to Him, despite being in such great pain. A Merciful Lord is looking to bid in the nighttime with great pleasure with a concessions and how much help they've brought me.
One thing I actually felt guilty using, I felt like, you know, for praying, I sit down. And it's not until you're in that situation. Obviously, when you go from being healthy to not being able to do things, it's a big change. Allah loves that you take his concessions, the same way that he loves that you undertake the difficult tasks, the prophets license, and Allah loves that you take his concession so the gifts around
them and do not feel guilty. Yeah, the other thing I just wanted to ask was,
obviously, jealousy is
a horrible emotion. But
I feel like naturally sitting, I'm just gonna be honest, naturally sitting here as a young person, and watching everyone else my age, just being able to do things like drive to the shops.
It's not I, you know, it's not I sit here, and I'm burning up inside about it, because that is my reality, and I've come to accept it. But it doesn't mean that there's not days where it's difficult to watch the people that you don't do all the things that you want to do that you can't do, like, I'm not envious of them, but it's managing that, that feeling. But I know that there are going to be times where maybe something will go ahead and like a huge wedding or something. And,
and I might not be well enough to attend, and it's like a close friend. And then you feel like you're missing out completely, not just on a future yourself. But just in general, I just, I don't want to lose that empathy that I have, and that joy that I naturally have about the people around me. Number one advice is what the prophets lie some taught us which is when you see something that someone else has been given.
pray to Allah, for him to maintain that blessing upon them.
That will remove any feeling from your heart,
and shall Matana about wanting what or actually any ill will, you know, not that you you're being very vulnerable by sharing that, by the way, may Allah reward you in or you're doing that. But it can remove anything inside of us that, you know, could could translate or even even even resemble, right ill will towards that person in their blessing. So say Allahumma barik, may Allah bless them, like keep it for them, make dua for a lot of keep that blessing on them. And when you make that draft for them, then an angel will make dua for you. And that will be an even better inshallah. But the internal feeling that drives that is, again, to remember the reality of this life, this life is
not just restricting, and that it's temporary. It's restricting in that
there are certain things that other people will be able to do and have
that will be beyond us. And so sometimes that's
you know, a person in a bad marriage, or a person that's divorced.
After an abusive marriage and looking at someone who's in a happy marriage, a person who has a lot of has not much wealth, looking at someone with a lot of wealth, a person with suffering in their health, looking at someone fully healthy and being able to do what they do with it with their health. So it's important to, to pray for those people.
And you'll see it manifest in your life in ways in sha Allah Tada that are that are very beautiful, even if in
maintain the purity of your lens to the world around you, how important is it to try and leave behind some kind of,
I guess legacy, especially when
you know in the eyes of society your life has kind of been cut short this life you know, idea of not every thought or the allow Tada and who said that there are children of the hereafter and children of this world be from the children of the Hereafter, not from the children of this world. And those that essentially plant the seeds and do deeds in this life that continue to
benefit them in the hereafter. The Prophet saw some talked about a continuous charity. And that continuous charity sometimes is not in wealth, but it's in the example that you leave behind that continues to inspire goodness after you. It's in the knowledge that you leave behind. It's in the people that you leave behind that continue to pray for you and him praying for you that they are also praying and bettering their own situation. It's an every person that will listen to your podcast inshallah Tada and find that renewed sense of purpose and perseverance through it, or read one of your tweets or hear about you, and all of that in Charlottetown as part of your continuous
charity. The beautiful example of patients when we read about jacobellis Jacob peace be upon him the father of Yusuf Ali salaam, sovereign Jamil an example of beautiful patients and I pray Amani that you are an example of beautiful patients for us Inshallah,
having difficult days dips and faith days where you genuinely do feel anger and you feel frustration, how do you
use faith to manage those. So an equation and spirituality is that you look to what's greater, to put in perspective, what's less so for example, when a person sincerity is compromised, because they are acting for the eyes of people, they remember the sight of God. And so the sight of God motivates them greater than the sight of people, when a person is in that in that regard them seeing the, you know,
the way that that others have something of this life or the way that the dunya is opening itself,
the doors of the dunya are opening themselves to other than yourself, then instead they focus their sight on the doors of the hereafter and on Paradise and what what awaits them and what remains. And so when you think about the greater than it puts the lesser in perspective, and that's why last podcast says what
would actually like to hide on what Abacha the Hereafter is better and longer lasting. So, you know, it's to to maintain the sight of that greater.
So that the lesser, which is this Dunia, which means lesser is put in perspective and all of what it opens its doors to and who it opens the doors its doors for. So just back to other ways, maybe that still very affordable ways to spend your time. Maybe just generally spending time with loved ones and other still forms of Oh, yes, fond of using your time. Yeah. So the door is of good are many, the doors of blessing and benefit are many. So every moment that you spend with your loved ones, they're going to latch on to that and chatline. It's really a charity to them to as well. These, these those special moments that you spend with your loved ones, the moments of victory, as I said,
the moment of reading,
the moment of listening to something beneficial sometimes, in giving to the world around us, we find more perspective and what's happening to us. So
I encourage you to keep on, you know, journaling, keep on as much as you can,
you know, doing these podcasts, these conversations and Sharla reminding other people and as we remind other people remind ourselves, when a person can be charitable,
with, with what they have in sha Allah.
All of that in Charlottetown is a form of reward. I always remember distinctively being told that when a child passes away, they're able to, you know, wait for their parents and be a means of bringing them to paradise with them. But from my limited knowledge, it was always premature children or children that died before they reached adulthood. Obviously, for me, I'm in adulthood and I just was wondering what how, if I pass away before my parents, which obviously would be classed as like an untimely death,
whether there's any
additional reward for my parents, my family, but also for me, the prophets i Some said malleable not only just that Allah has said that know that my believing servant does not have a reward.
In that Kobato Sofia Hoon, Allah dunya if I take their loved one from this life, and then they discover then they seek the reward of that except for Gemini except for Paradise. So my servant is not given any reward less than paradise, when they seek the reward for their loved one that passes away.
And this is usually referring to the parent with their child, despite where the child is.
or how old the child is. The intercession piece of this is that, you know, in sha Allah, anyone that passes away due to something that is untimely or unusual, if you look at the categories of shahada, the categories of martyrdom, then inshallah Tada that they would fall into the category of being a Shaheed, of being a martyr. And so they should ask a lot for shahada not take it for granted. But the Shaheed also specifically intercedes for their loved ones, after their they pass away. And so whether it is through the path of shahada that a person intercedes, or for the parents seeking the reward from Allah subhanaw taala, for the tragedy and the trial of losing their child, wherever the
child is, their loved one, the promises paradise, regardless and Charma.
I just wanted to ask, and I said recently, I spent a lot of time in hospital and the operations that I had, and they weren't successful. And pretty much after that the kindness, the doctors had all decided that there was treatment options for me. And it had just been such a grueling year and a half, that part of me was almost felt relief, that I wouldn't potentially have to go through any ruling treatment and its side effects, because they'd made that decision for me. But then, on the other side, I didn't know whether it was sinful take, essentially maybe in my head give up. And obviously, there are options there. But the success is very poor, and the side effects are very
severe. So I was just wondering, when they were, you know, they asked you to kind of make that decision, whether that, that it would be completely wrong of me, kind of a sin for me to just say, I can't do it, and just let the natural course of the illness and then just kind of make the most that I can,
you're not burdened with having to accept
everything single option, or to explore every single option and avenue of potential treatment,
just as you wouldn't be sinful for doing so,
for exploring all avenues. Ultimately, you know, the only thing that you can do is to inflict harm on yourself or to escalate or to advance sickness or, or death. And then of course, as well, you know, in the situation that there is a shore treatment,
you know, rejecting a short treatment is where some of the scholars would differ. But when there is a questionable result, a person can decide that they they do not want further treatment or to explore that level of treatment and inshallah they would not be sinful in that regard.
Obviously, in a long term illness, you don't have those periods of respite for weeks or months where you kind of recharge and when it comes to the walls and praying and maximizing your time for worship, it becomes very difficult obviously, if you're the carer or the person that's unwell, or even just the family in general, you get like you feel worn down. Is there ways of maximizing your device so if you do have unlimited times, yeah, the bus two hours are the ones that are sincere and from the heart, your own language, and of course, the rise of the Prophet sallallahu wasallam
there is a drop booklet that inshallah tan I'll provide and perhaps you can provide to your, your audience as well inshallah.
That was that was done by Chef Dr. Wyatt and our team in the eyes for hardship. And so making those drops is good and Sharla Tiana, and the sooner there is and at the same time, the very standard forms of liquid in Allah Subhana Allah handed in sending Salawat on the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam Stefan stuff for Allah. So you can sort of use the praise of Allah and the prayers upon the prophets I send them to then launch into grass they're very personal and from your heart and you can make the comprehensive drought a stubborn enough for dunya hustler within Earth you know, the hustler Joaquina that have enough
so that's one of the most comprehensive to us right to give us the best of this life in the next and to protect us from the punishment of the fire. So
that's why I recommend channel Yeah. Is there a way to almost like give yourself a little internal booster or charge just to not lose that faith in that hope? Because then that's a very,
you know, slippery slope. There are there are different times at different places for sure. And there is room
Within any situation that you're in,
to turn it into a moment of drought, but I would say that the goals that you set for yourself, especially as you're prioritizing rest, sickness and things are very unstable, that they're really, really good days and really, really bad days.
Don't make the goals. So quantity driven, like how many times you want to say or repeat something, that you'll be disappointed if you can't make them. The priority is to maintain your facade to maintain your obligatory deeds. And that and when you find yourself in the proper state, to be able to do the good and to be able to make draw, and then take full advantage of those moments, and is there any Islamic advice that you would give specifically to young people dealing with trial, and then just advice in general,
for people get offering like support. And since being more sensitive, I think maybe as a community in the way they give their advice and a bit, humanize it a bit more, rather than just generic, say the same thing for all the same situation, the first thing for those that are young, and that, that face a trial, you know, panela the nature of this life
is that the profit slice, and I'm said that every person passes away with unfulfilled hopes, every single person, he sets Allah on, he was said on that,
you know, he drew this box, and he said, This is your life. And then he drew this line that goes through it. And he said,
these are your hopes. And he had all these little lines that grabbed the horizontal line, he said, these are the tests. He said, When he showed that the hopes extend outside the box, what he said was that every person's hopes of this world extend beyond what they actually have in this world. And so whether a person, you know, has those trials, afflict them in their 20s, or in their teens, or in their 60s,
they're always going to feel like you know, it's it's, it's, it's not the right time, right, and the things are very difficult but
to see first and foremost, that these trials, especially for those that are young inshallah Tada that are able to,
you know, see beyond that one thing is the promise of joy in the hereafter. The other thing is the, that if you make it through in this life, that it would have been great building of character. And so it's either great building of character in this life, or great reward in the next life. But it's never the wrong time. And I think when it comes to giving advice to people,
we have to give advice to people in a way that we're listening to their pain more. A lot of times we're very quick to prescribe
and very hasty when it comes to listening and hearing and feeling.
People will not remember what you said they'll remember how you made them feel.
So that's the most important part of it. And so because I have so much for the support you've given me and my family, just being able to ask you these questions is really helped and inshallah being able to share them with other people that will help and they won't feel so isolated. So you know, may Allah reward you for your kindness and and the help that your videos and stuff have given me during this difficult time may Allah reward you further. Bless you and increase you and continue to grant you a great fourth sign perspective and comfort you will reward and be pleased with you and make it easy for your family as you bear this trial and I pray that we meet in sha Allah Tada either
in this life or next inshallah todos in happier times and more joyful times, but it's been an absolute pleasure to speak with you. May Allah be pleased with us and actions and take care of yourself in China. Everyone has their fight. So let's ready our armies and let the battle commit because we're not going down without a fight. Like Comment, Share and Subscribe. I've always wanted to say that