Why Me #18 How Do I Find Love In Loneliness

In a world full of people,

how come you're the only one without a

companion?

Is happiness not your lot in life?

You've been created to want a companion,

a family,

a community,

and the absence of them leads to a

deep dissatisfaction with life.

If you're in a stage of your life

now where it's in your Qadr to be

alone,

how can you come to terms with that?

How do you deal with loneliness and the

fears that come with it?

Oh, Abu Dharr, you will live alone, die

alone, and be raised up alone on the

day of judgment.

Some people were not meant to be surrounded

by others, but most of us were. In

fact, one of the roots of the word

insaan in Arabic is once, which is a

word used to describe the comfort that comes

with special human connection.

So human beings seek comfort through connecting with

others, and Allah created us to be within

families,

extended families,

neighborhoods and communities.

That's why the sunnah has created all types

of spaces of community and belonging.

The 5 daily prayers at the masjid, the

tarawih prayers at night in Ramadan,

sharing meals and feeding people together.

And even when traveling, the prophet Sallallahu Alaihi

Wasallam advised to always have a companion. In

some narrations, he even forbids spending the night

alone or traveling by yourself if you have

the choice not to. Anyabitarajuluwahda

awwusafirawahda

Why? The Prophet SallAllahu Alaihi Wasallam said that

Shaytan is like a wolf that always attacks

the lone sheep. Faalaykum biljamaa'a

wal a'ama. So stay close to the community

and do not isolate yourself.

That's actually partly why it's an act of

worship to have a walima after a wedding

and a aqiqah after a newborn.

The prophet SallAllahu Alaihi Wasallam prays circles of

knowledge and remembrance as gardens of paradise that

the angels roam around the streets every night

looking for.

Allah created nearly everything in Paris. Wamin kulli

shayin khalaqana zawjainila'Allakum

tadakkaroon

And of all things we created pairs so

that perhaps you will remember.

Musa Alayhi Salaam asked for Allah to give

him in his brother a prophet ushdudbihi

azri wa ashrikhu fee amri. Strengthen me through

him and let him share with me in

my burden. Some of the scholars said that

no one has ever done a greater favor

for someone else like Musa. Through his du'a,

his brother was made a prophet.

And of course, human beings crave for a

spouse to find comfort from loneliness.

Wamin aayatiha ankhalaqalakummin

anfusikumazwaja

litaskuno

ilayha.

From his signs is that he created for

you spouses from yourselves

so that you can dwell with them in

tranquility.

The prophet SallAllahu Alaihi Wasallam encouraged marriage so

strongly that he said, alnikahu min sunati. Marriage

is from my sunnah and whoever turns away

from my sunnah is not from me.

And it's a bond that fosters love and

mercy. Waja'ala bayna kumawaddatinwarahma

Imam al Razi Rahimullah comments on this by

saying that one of the signs of Allah

in marriage is that a person can have

even more love for a person that they

just met a few months ago than the

family they've known their entire lives.

And the best unions are the ones that

bring families together.

The people that loved you before,

and the people that you are to love

now, whereby you give everyone their rights and

grow the circle of mercy and tranquility.

And before you know it, you may have

a new life ahead of you and a

partner to share it with you.

Your destinies are now forever tied with each

other.

In Jannah, no one is single.

And if 2 people make it to Jannah

together,

they have each other there too.

So you might actually be marrying a piece

of your Jannah here.

And just as your life was filled with

beautiful moments in this world,

Allah will make your spouse the most beautiful

part of your Jannah if you do the

righteous deeds that earn his pleasure together.

But what if loneliness is your decree here?

And beyond marriage,

why would that even be the case at

different points of your life?

The scholars mentioned various types of loneliness.

When you're without a companion or a friend

or a family member, it is difficult but

it could be to unlock the gifts of

khalwa, seclusion, and learning to ponder upon the

signs of Allah without the distraction of people.

Then there's the loneliness of estrangement

and that's the hardest type.

When people leave you because of who you

are

or who you are naturally causes you to

drift away from people.

You can have loneliness decreed upon you because

you have such bad character and no one

wants to be around you.

And the prophet sallallahu alaihi wasallam said that

the worst person is the one that people

abandon

because they don't want to deal with their

foul mouths. So Allah could be prescribing you

loneliness in that form so that you can

finally work on your temper or bad character,

so that you don't alienate the people you

love anymore.

And the same thing is true for sin

and lowliness.

Some people around you might want to break

bad habits that cause them failure in this

life or the next.

And you get left behind stuck in them

with Allah giving you a warning to get

your priorities right, then the right type of

people will be put back into your life.

But SubhanAllah,

sometimes it's not your sins that push you

away from people. Sometimes it's actually your good

deeds and the new higher standards that set

you apart.

And that's the praiseworthy estrangement known as gurbah.

Because when we grow in our faith and

abandon old lifestyles,

we can lose old friends and some family

members can even become distant.

So as Ibn Al Qayim Rahimahullah explains, it's

not that loneliness is in and of itself

a spiritual station,

but when a person rises in rank, their

loneliness can be a decreed consequence from Allah

Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala. As he says, ala'arifu

anisabillah

aohheshahumin

ghayri. The knower of Allah finds closeness to

him, which causes him distance from other than

him.

So both the good deed and the bad

deed can lead to a decree of being

alienated from other people.

But whether it's through what Allah has decreed

through physical loneliness,

estrangement, waiting to find your spouse, or not

having your friends and family with you anymore,

finding Allah as a result is the greatest

Badr you can have, whether people are around

or not. Allah Subh'anaHu Wa Ta A'la says

in a hadith Qudsi, ana'indha waniabdi

bi wa ana ma'ahu idathakarani

I am what my servant thinks of me

and I am with him when he remembers

me. Faindhakaranifinafsihee

the kartuhu fee nafsiwaindhakaranifi

mala indhakartuhu

fee mala inkhayraminhu

If he remembers me in himself, I will

remember him in myself.

And if he remembers me in a gathering,

I make mention of him in a greater

gathering than his.

When Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala decrees a loss

of rizq in possessions and you are patient,

he gives you with a greater possession in

paradise.

But when Allah decrees for you loneliness and

a loss of people, and you are patient,

he gives you something far better than that.

He gives you himself.

Mata Oh hashakam in khalkihi

faalam annahuyuridu

anyafta halaka baabal unsibihi.

When he alienates you from his creatures,

then know that he wants to open for

you the door of intimacy

with him.

Accepting that someone you wanted to be with

before has been chosen for someone else can

be the path to tasting the sweetness of

iman.

Regret over something bad you did to someone

else

could be the key to treating everyone else

Allah puts in your path with Ihsa.

But we sometimes neglect the people that have

always been there for us in our lives

while seeking new people.

Contentment is to look at your current sustenance

as a lot while not despairing over what

you don't have.

When it comes to relationships,

it's also to look at who you currently

have,

but might not have been paying attention to,

all while enjoying the new companions Allah may

have gifted you with.

But in that excitement of finding someone else,

You may end up having to say goodbye

to those who never forgot you,

and who eagerly used to wait for you

even with a simple call.

even with a simple call.