Why Me #15 What If I Could Have Changed Things

If only this hadn't happened, I would have

been so happy right now.

If only this situation went my way

I would have been married by now.

If this then that.

The word if is short

but its impacts are long standing

and have the power to trap you in

the thoughts of what could have been

and leave you disappointed with what actually is.

Rasulullah Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam warned us about the

danger of dwelling on If.

But does this mean you aren't allowed to

feel sadness or regret at all?

Where's the line between healthy regret and an

unhealthy level of dwelling on the past?

During the time of some of the worst

fitna this Ummah has ever seen, there was

a man in Basra who was a general

in the army of Ubaidullah ibn Ziyat who

was serving under Yazid ibn

Muawiya. So this general says that one day

while I was on my rooftop, I fell

down and I broke both of my legs.

And as I was laying at home with

both of my legs broken,

the righteous scholar Abi Qilaba Rahimullah came to

visit me. And he said to me, arju

an yakoonathari

kahhira

I hope this was actually better for you.

And so I responded to him and I

said, You abaqilaba

what in the world could be good about

my legs being broken?

He said, Listen, maasatAllahu

a'laika aqsa

What Allah protected you from if your legs

weren't broken is better for you. So he

says, 3 days later, I get this letter

from Ubaidullah ibn Ziyad enlisting me to join

an army to go fight Al Hussain radiAllahu

ta'ala Anhu, the grandson of the Prophet SallAllahu

Alaihi Wasallam.

So I responded to him and I said,

I can't join you because my legs are

broken.

And then a week later,

I heard that they murdered Al Hussain radiAllahu

ta'ala Anhu and I said, Rahim Allahu abbaqilaba.

Ad sadak innaqana

khayranli. May Allah have mercy on Abu Quilaba.

He was so right that it was better

for me.

Had that not happened to me, I would

have taken part in the crime

of murdering the grandson of the Prophet SallAllahu

Alaihi Wasallam. We always see the if only

of regret,

but not the if only that Allah saved

us from.

Regret can be inescapable because we are human

and we're going to make mistakes that have

consequences beyond the immediate moment.

And part of being human is sometimes miscalculating

and making the wrong moves.

And sometimes thinking that we made all the

right moves but everything still went wrong.

The worst part is when we start to

imagine all these alternate worlds and a different

life

if only we had done things differently.

And this is where the word comes in,

if.

And not every if is the same.

There are ifs that cause doubt, there are

ifs that cause learning,

and there are ifs that actually cause gratitude.

As for the ones that cause doubt, these

are the ones that can make us challenge

the Qadr of Allah Subh'anaHu Wa Ta A'la.

The prophet SallAllahu Alaihi Wasallam said, don't say

if I had not done that, then this

wouldn't have happened. Walakinqulqadrallaw

shafaal Instead say Allah did what he had

ordained to do.

Because the word if

opens the doors of the Shaytan.

This is the if that convinces you that

if you would have done something different or

if someone else didn't exist or if a

certain circumstance didn't arise then the decree of

Allah would have been different. But it was

never going to be different and this can

lead you to hate yourself, it could make

you hate others,

It could make you hate the world or

even worse, it could make you turn in

hatred towards the heavens. And that's why the

prophet sallallahu alaihi wasallam said it opens the

doors of shaitan

because your head becomes a playground for Shaytan

who starts to play with all sorts of

possibilities

that you think that you have.

But you have to shut that door of

if at the very beginning with qadrallama

shafa.

That's the lock on the door as firm

as the plan of decree.

Al Qadhi ayad rahimahullah said about the phrase

if only, that repeatedly thinking this can actually

become a habit. And then this habit can

remove all ribah, all contentment from the heart

of the believer.

But there are good ifs.

You have ifs that cause learning.

And there is an important distinction between muhasaba

which is accountability and hasra which is regret.

Evaluating mistakes and learning from them is muhasaba

and that's a foundational part of everyone's spiritual

journey.

The focus is on the actions

not the outcomes as opposed to the if

that causes doubt

which focuses on the outcomes

not the actions.

And the prophet Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam, he used

to use this for teaching the companions.

So in Hajj, the prophet Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam

said, wallaula annamaialhadya

la athlaltu.

If only I wouldn't have brought my sacrifice

with me, I would have exited my

ihram. Or if I would have done this,

I would have done something different here. So

this is an if that becomes a teaching

moment. You can also say if only

when you regret missing out on a good

deed. As imaman Nawirahimu Allah sata asufanaalamathatamintaa'atillah

attillah feeling sorry because you missed out on

a way of obeying Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala.

There's also when the prophet SallAllahu Alaihi Wasallam

said, if only this person was a bit

more patient, more blessings would have come. The

prophet SallAllahu Alaihi Wasallam said after telling the

story of Musa and Al Khadr.

Wadidna annamusa kana sabara faqasallahu

alayna min khabariema

We would have loved if Musa Alayhi Salaam

was a bit more patient then Allah would

have told us more of their stories.

Then there is the if only that leads

to gratitude.

And this is when you think of all

the ways it could have gone wrong

and how Allah Subh'anaHu Wa Ta A'la saved

you from misfortune.

Lawla fadlullahi

wa'hamatuhu

If it weren't for the blessing and mercy

of Allah in any of our pasts,

things could have been a lot worse.

Laula nirmaturabbila

kuntuminalmuhadareen

If it weren't for the blessing of my

Lord, I would have perished in the fire.

Lawulaanhadan

Allah If Allah hadn't guided me, how would

I have made it to paradise?

There were so many ifs that actually went

your way and those are the ifs that

inspire gratitude.

Don't say if with what was never meant

to come to you.

Say if not for all the things that

came to you that were full of blessings

even if you couldn't see them.

When he opens up your understanding of deprivation,

the deprivation itself becomes the same as a

gift.

There will be times in your life when

you want to resist the path that's been

put before you,

but fighting it can't bring you any peace.

Imam al Shafi'irahimu

Allah said, My heart is at ease knowing

that what was meant for me will never

miss me. And what has missed me was

never meant for me.

We can't find that ease when all our

time is spent on what ifs

It's about what is.

It's about what is.