The Other Side

Omar Suleiman

Channel: Omar Suleiman

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manner Haman hamdu Lillahi Rabbil alameen when are one on one I mean when I appeal to them, it's a clean Allahumma salli wa sallim wa barakaatuh avocado suka Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, while only he was talking he was sillim to semen cathedra.

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So I've never done this before in terms of switching the topics on the stage. And those of you who know me, I kind of I usually get a little bit harsh on the speakers that do. But honestly, I just had a lot of listening to Steve Norman speak, had a lot of influence on me how long he's talking about this concept of the Father Son relationship. And you know what, when we're talking about that, we really do kind of need to balance the equation.

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I'm not Pakistani, so I can't take shots at Pakistani fathers. But your reputation hasn't fared very well today.

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But you know, what kind of law it's, it's absolutely true, that the parents need to reach out and you know, one incident struck me while he was speaking. This was the most powerful incident that I've ever witnessed. In my short career as a mom, last six years,

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a father walks into my office with his daughter.

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His daughter is 18 years old.

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She drives Alexis. She refuses to call him dad.

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Right now, just like what is stopping our mindset when he walks in with her. Obviously, the first thing is just, you know, obviously just berating her going off on her What kind of daughter is this? Didn't she read this in the foreign Didn't she read that in the Quran, basically giving her the advices that he feels like I should give her

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and obviously she hated me from the start. But you know what, some analysts she said something to him that changed my life forever. And I asked Allah subhana wa tada not to allow me to fall into this with my own daughter.

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Because one of the arguments that he was making was that I bought your car, I gave you everything you want it. When you were a child, everything that you asked for you got if your friends wanted something, and you just imply that you wanted it, I bought it for you, too. I know what she said. She said, Dad, I didn't want all of that. I just wanted to dad

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panela those words struck me. And I mean, I can I cannot illustrate how much I truly felt, you know, the need for us to show compassion to our children. But you know what, there's the other side of the equation too. And yes, the topic was eyes on the prize. And honestly, what I had in mind, you know, when I was talking about eyes on the prize is all of these elaborate ahaadeeth and the share out of them they'll call em Rahim, hold on those types of things. But there's something that I feel like needs to be connected to Brother Norman's talk, and I actually took permission from the, from the program coordinators right before just now and I took permission from brother Norman to to talk

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about the other side to not just for Pakistani parents, but for every, every set of parents.

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Allah subhanho wa Taala stresses to us so many times in the Koran, the importance of validating, obeying, honoring, respecting our parents. The amount of time Rahim Allah He says something very interesting when we're talking about how you raise your kids and what you should do when you raise your kids and listening to them and those types of things. Mmm Kareem Rahim Allah. He starts off his dialogue on his discussion on this subject by saying the following he says that, if you have a child that's disobedient to you, the apostle, the default is usually that you messed up. Let me put it to you this way.

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Not every single pet not every single parent who has a disobedient child is at fault. Not every single parent who has a child that grows up with this horrible temper that grows up not to love the deen the way that they did is that fault? No alayhis salaam is the primary example of that. But the vast majority of the time that is the case. An m&m claim Rahim Allah. He says that Allah subhanho wa Taala has created a you every single human being in a very selfish way. We treat everyone essentially like like HMOs like it's a business contract. What I want to do when I establish a friendship, when I establish any relationship in this life, is I want to extract maximum benefit

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from you, while giving you the minimum, just like an insurance company. I want you to give me as much as you can. And every relationship I will put in that same light. How much do I get from you and how much do I have to give?

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Whenever that equation tilts the other way, then all of a sudden I'm gonna start acting differently. Let me put it to you this way. Have you ever had before

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A friend that did something really good for you, that was there for you in your time of need. But whenever it came time for them when they were when they were in a state of emotional vulnerability, and they kept on calling your phone eventually you just got sick of it. You said I'm not gonna answer this call anymore. This is getting draining. This relationship is draining. Even though your time of need they were there for you. But this relationship is draining. I can't handle this anymore. You stop answering your phone, you start avoiding that person in public. Why? Because you're no longer on the receiving end. You're too far on the giving a now and also loss Isilon tells

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us what metal is good when las colinas he doesn't think of La whoever does not thank people is not grateful to people will never be grateful to Allah subhanho its Adda but listen to what I'm gonna call you Rahim. Allah said that's so beautiful. He said that that had these can also be flipped.

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Whoever is not grateful to people

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will not be grateful to Allah subhanho its Allah and just like whoever is not grateful to people will not be grateful to Allah subhanaw taala whoever is not grateful to allow will never be grateful to people. Think about that for a moment. A lot of times parents come in they say how can I make my children love me what is going to keep your child in your corner? What is going to keep your child loving you and coming you know responding to every one of your requests. When the time comes where you are the one who needs your diapers changed when you now need to beat when you are now in the dependent face. What will keep them in that state except for being grateful to Allah subhanho wa

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Taala understanding the command from Allah subhanho wa Taala to respond with that same mercy with even greater mercy and compassion. So imagine Okay, um Rahim Allah puts it point blank, you want your kids to be good to you. You want your kids to never forsake you teach them to love Allah Subhana, which Allah teach them to be thankful to Allah, teach them to be grateful to Allah subhanaw taala. If you can succeed in instilling in them the love of Allah subhanaw taala, when they get older, they're going to love you too. Because Allah commands them to do that. Otherwise, it's just going to be a business relationship. Otherwise, my sense of courtesy to you is putting you in the

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best nursing home available. But I don't want you anywhere near me, because you're a drain on me now.

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That's the most hurtful thing that a parent can hear later on in life, when the kids neglect them. Now coming back to the kids. And by the way, when I say kids, I mean all of us, our kids, sometimes your parents are very, very, very irrational. Sometimes your parents will actually make mistakes when you get older.

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But you know what, that's not the default.

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And even when they make mistakes, you have to be able to have a memory that spans longer than two weeks. And somehow a lot of the one of the major things, you know, sometimes we have this situation where I once had a parent and a child come to me, and they were just feuding over something. And the child had the right with them. The Hulk was with the child. He knew he knew what he was doing in that situation. He had the plan, he had the son that he had all the proof with him, and the parent was wrong.

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And he came with his father, and he humiliated his father in front of me.

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And I was like, You know what, you might have won this debate. You might have won this argument. But how many times in the past? Were you wrong? How many times were you completely irrational? And your parents put up for it with it out of love for you. Now there is a commercial that I saw once and I think it's a Turkish commercial. I couldn't understand the language was Palau is a very powerful commercial. And if any of you ever heard the Have any of you ever seen that video, that clip on YouTube, of the Father sitting with the sun, and the bird is flying around? Raise your hand if you've seen that. It's an extremely powerful video. So the father and the son are sitting down with

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each other.

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The son is reading a book. And there's a bird, a sparrow that's flying around. So the dad goes, What's that?

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And he goes to Sparrow.

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And then the bird flies around again. And he goes, What's that? He says, it's a sparrow. The bird flies around again. He says, What's that? He says, it's a sparrow. And then he spells it out, I guess in their language SP a, you know, he spells it out in their language. Who does w just in case you thought I couldn't spell?

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I did have to think about it for a moment. I'm not gonna lie, though.

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It's a sparrow. Then he asks for a fourth time. What's that? And his son starts to yell at them starts to scream at him. Why are you doing this? What's your problem? Can't you see that? It's a bird. Can't you see that? It's a sparrow. What does the dad do? The dad gets up and leaves.

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Then he comes back later on and he brings a book. He hands the Book to His son.

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Well, luckily, this brought tears to my eyes. I mean, this video Like, it really hit me because I reflected on my own childhood. He handed him the book and he pointed to it and he said, read out loud.

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So he read out loud. And that was the diary of his father. And the father was writing. Today, I took my little boy to the park.

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He asked me while a sparrow was flying by, what's that 21 times?

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Every time he asked me,

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I responded to him, and I didn't get angry with him. And I picked him up and I hugged him.

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panela think about that for a moment. What happens? What happens? Where is the rashanna? Where is the mercy? Where's the compassion? Where is the appreciation? And yes, sometimes now when you've gotten old and your parents have moved on and and you've moved on and you're trying to progress in your life, and your parents are getting old and senile, and by the way you make them see now before they actually turn senile, sometimes that that situation Yes, they're wrong. Sometimes, you know, this son this daughter wants to get married to somebody and they have perfect justification to get married now by the way, as a side note, the parents that stopped their kids from from getting

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married to people because of race because of class because because that person's grandfather didn't ride a donkey with my with my grandfather in India and Philistine or something like that. What it also lost him say would happen as a result. The attacker mental Dona Dena, who will who Luca who for xojo if someone comes to you, Dean and hulak his character are satisfying to you, you better marry your daughter to that person

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in them tough if you don't do that what's gonna happen? There will be fitna

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tests, tribulations and facade lots of corruption. That corruption is not talking about hundreds and hundreds of years from now that corruption is talking about now.

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Because everything is balanced, right? I had a half of love or half the Quran who wanted to marry a brother for his Deen father stuffed in the way and stopped Why? Because he was Palestinian, and she was from Pakistan. It's not gonna happen.

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You know what happened to that girl? She left him and she left the dean

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and she ran off with a Catholic

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facade it shows but now let's that's an extreme example. I'm talking about son daughter when you want to get married when you found someone who excites you when you find someone you found someone who you're you're in love with and oh they're so perfect and all Mashallah she's so religious he prays five times a day, Masha Allah, so you know she fasted Ramadan, even when she's on her period, you know, kinds of weird stuff. Where do you come from? And somehow when you when you're in love When you're infatuated, you'll make that person religious even if they're not religious. Sometimes brothers will be coming up to me like [???]. I found the perfect girl. Really? man she loves the law

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so much. She's wonderful all sheets. When we talk on the phone all night. We only talk about Dean

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All right. Okay, fine.

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Now what happens?

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an amendment claim Rahim Allah said something beautiful.

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He said it is amazing that the human being is so forgetful. Why am I so Mele insaan in La Nina See, he has a mama Shafi Rahim Allah said he was not named inside except for his forgetfulness. It's so amazing that he would be able to forget a relationship that started with his existence for 2030 years, and forsake that relationship in favor of a two month relationship. Unbelievable. I'm not talking about the extreme example. Mom, Dad, you step in the way and you stop your kids from getting married to a person because of some racist reason. Or because of something that's that's not because of Benin. Whoa, look, you're gonna pay the price. I'm telling you that from now on, no matter what I

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say here. But I'm appealing to the children now. How many times have I had kids come up to me? I can't. I can't. I cannot count says chef, you know, in the Hanafi fuckload. He doesn't really count. First of all, that's a misconception.

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And the Hanafi fuckload. He doesn't matter. I don't need the Woody's approval. Or chef. I'm the son. I don't need anybody's approval. I'm the man in this house.

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You know what I will bucket all the time who did? He saw his son.

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Abdullah in love with his wife started missing out on halaqa started missing out on going to battle. And he said divorce her.

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He divorced her.

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Then he came back to him and he said okay, you can marry her again. I just wanted to teach you a lesson. That's a little bucket of study called the law of Taiwan. Where is your gratefulness? Which relationship counts more? Again, parents are many times

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guilty, but I'm talking about the brother who has a whole sea of sisters, the sister who has a whole sea of brothers. And there are plenty of fish in the sea. There are plenty of HIV is in the messages. There are plenty of bearded men in the message.

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You can find somebody that you want and you've and fulfills your criteria. No, it's got to be that one. Because you establish the hot arm relationship, you're paying the price and your parents will probably pay the price too.

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Don't give up a relationship of 20 years, 30 years, because somebody's excited you over a few months. Think about this. Go back as far as you can. And what is the loss of manhood to Allah remind us of? I want you to think about this. There's a lot tell us in the Quran to love our mother, only our father only or both of our parents. Both right. And in fact, I remember brother Norman did a very beautiful analysis of this the difference between Wiley Dane and Wiley Dane is someone who gives birth to you own or as someone who actually had a part in being your mother and father, Allah subhanaw taala commanded you to have honor to show honor to who was slain in Santa BYD day he aksana

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both of your parents the ones that gave you birth to even the ones that you don't like even the one that didn't get you a PlayStation when you wanted it. Show them respect. Show them love. But what is the loss of Hannah hoods at us? What is the loss paradise the next hemella to

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his mother held him when I love one in another place, Allah subhanaw taala quarter her well, what lots will call her pain on top of pain, holding him in pain, giving birth to him in pain, going through all of that she already acquired the right to be your own. She already acquired the right to be your mother and to be loved and respected. If she does nothing else for you for the rest of your life. She already has enough of a right on you. She does nothing else for the rest of her life. She should. She'd be a bad mother if she doesn't, but she's still your mother. Lost Planet Allah says what he mentioned specifically the toil that he went through. Why? Because you weren't there. You

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were there but you didn't really know what was going on. You don't have a video camera Imagine if our if our mothers carried cameras around for nine months every single cry every single screen and labor everything that happened afterwards. All the depression that comes afterwards all of that hardship when they literally give their life for your life. Imagine if there was a video camera for all of that.

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And you watch that you might feel pretty rotten at the end of that. But the point is dear brothers and sisters Allah subhana wa tada reminds us of that in the Quran.

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Meaning what Allah is giving you your history just in case you forgot. This was the woman that carries you have the law of nominal the Allahu taala and her man approached him so most of us that the Hadith is malkuth top lob nom or some say it also lost my salon. A man comes to him what he says I carried my mother on my back throughout heads. Think about that for a moment. That's before they had all the cooling tiles that's before they had the spoiled Americans including us who go there and whine about the buffets not having enough variety and the AC and all this you know the article that just came out that said Mecca looks more like Las Vegas now. That's before that before that, that's

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when standing on that ground would burn your feets. You know my father may have lost power preserve him. He moved to Medina in the 50s he's telling me they're just doing this and salaah the whole time.

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That's what it was hot. Imagine back then.

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And what was the answer?

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Have I repaid my mother would not be Tom Cotton wahida not even for one schouten labor. You think that's a big deal. Try holding someone in your stomach for nine months, and then giving birth to them. Think that's hard? Allah subhanaw taala saying give them back at least what they gave you at least show them the same love and respect that they show to you. Then you go to the lives of the Salah, the tambourine, you see some beautiful examples zenoah Aberdeen, rocking a whole lot Allah Allah is saying, the great grandson of the messenger slice Allah and His nickname was Zener diode in the beauty of the worshipers. How Look at this. Look. One day he's sitting with his mother and

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they're eating food.

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And he brings the food and he puts it in he sits in front of her

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and he doesn't want to eat until she finishes eating.

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Think about that. says you eat first. You finish your food first. She says go ahead Eat Eat Oh my son eat with me says no you eat first says I don't want to touch anything that you're I might have fallen on.

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Think about that. Why is he saying that? When you're a child, let me put you in this situation.

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Bubba brings home a box of pizza. And you're starving and you haven't had anything need all day. I'm talking specifically to the mothers right now. And I'm talking to the kids who should remember this, by the way.

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And there's one slice of pizza left after all the kids come and tear it up like monsters. And the mother waits till the end. And it's not just the Pakistani Father, I'm gonna let you guys off the hook. We are much more than our wives. Usually, we're very inconsiderate. Even with food sometimes, right? one slice of pizza left, just that she's about to take a bite. If the child goes,

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What are you gonna do mom?

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Are you gonna say no, I'm hungry.

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You ate two slices already? What are you going to do? Here? Take it. No hesitation. No hesitation. So now when you've gotten older, show that same love and respect, you know, we were talking about the concept of marriage. Does anyone know what age a mom got married up?

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You know, we get really impatient at 20 years old. At 20 years old. It's like mom, dad, if I don't get married, now I'm gonna go commit Zina. I promise you that girl on the street. I'm gonna do it.

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And the parents of course, make again balance. They make it very, very, very hard to get married because you have to be a 32 year old Hyderabadi dermatologist to marry my daughter or a 29 year old you know, plastic surgeon from Ramallah and Palestine to marry. No. But

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Rahim Allah. And he said, This isn't some then he said it clearly said, Look, you guys don't listen, don't think I'm doing this out of cinema.

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He refused to get married till his mom passed away.

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He said, because if I get married before she passes away, I won't give her right. told the students. It's not sooner you get married. But I can't do it.

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Alone till his late 30s. And it wasn't like whenever she passed away, it was like having dinner. She's gone. I can get married now. No, no.

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Even when he went to look for a wife, his art maimunah. She asked him what should we look for. And he said a woman that resembles my mom. Pamela that's love. showing it back, showing it back giving back that mercy giving back that love. They were there for you. You should be there for them too. And Subhanallah and this society was only feast upon those, those those feelings where we really just don't care. So Pamela, they get older and we lose it. Let me tell you something, I lost my mother, four years ago, the worst time of my life. And anyone who tells you that it's going to get easier was lying to you. And anyone who tells you that crying makes you feel better was lying to

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you. It's the toughest thing that you could ever do. toughest thing that you could ever go through is burying the bearing that person at the time of death. But you know what I've observed in most Genesis, you know what, which people are usually crying the most agenesis.

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Let's say that a woman has six kids, you know which kids are going to be the ones crying most of the janaza.

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Come back. Who does that?

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The kids that treated them like trash when they were living.

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And then if their dads are living still they go do the same thing to their dads even after that. They didn't learn the lesson. Or as they did in the Sabbath or the law of Thailand when his mother passed away.

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He cried. And he said one of my gates agenda has been closed. Woe to me if I don't rush to the other one. Think about this. You're in a room and there is only two gates, two gentlemen. One of them closes. What are you supposed to do? Hurry up and run to the other one. Don't make the same mistake twice. Think about that. Don't make the same mistake twice if you lost one. Don't make the same mistake twice. If you haven't lost anyone.

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Hold on to them. Because at that moment of death, if you have this much heart, you're going to remember even when you were seven years old and you close the door in her face, or you conveniently acted like you didn't hear it's gonna hurt. It's gonna hurt really bad. Don't put yourself in that situation. And you know, somehow a lot. The moment that I really realized how much my parents meant to me

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was the moment that my daughter was born. When my baby was born youth I especially want you guys to listen to this. When my daughter was born, the first thing I did was I picked up my phone and I called my dad and I was bawling like a little baby and I said Dad, I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

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My dad's like for what?

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I'm like, Dad, I'm sorry. I didn't realize it. I didn't know. For what? Dad, I'm sorry. My dad likes my dad likes to play around. I was like, I'm gonna stop being stupid.

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That accent I'm like, Dad, I'm sorry. He's like was she born? He thought that I was calling to say that there's a miscarriage. I'm sorry.

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She's dead. What happened? Is your wife, okay? I'm like no Dad, I just realized

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what kind of parent you were.

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That moment when you've got your own, and you realize this is gonna be a long journey.

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terrible twos never end, right? It's gonna be a long journey. But you know what I especially want to address because in this crowd, we have a variation. We've got the Mama's boys and the Mama's girls, daddy's girl, I was the mama's boy in my family. I was the mama's boy. hamdu Lillahi Rabbil aalameen. I love my mother, and hamdulillah I never, never ever in my adult life can remember saying anything displeasing to her hamdulillah. And I only think to myself, I wonder what it would have been like, if I would have done the opposite. I wonder what it would have been like. But here's the other thing on the other side, many of us that are not Mama's boys, and many of us that are not

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daddy's girls, or those types of things. You know who we are. We're the people that complain that we're not the favorite.

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Mom, Dad, you love him more than me. You love her more than me. You never gave me the same love. You know how you could react to them? Why don't you start doing the things that would make you the favorite child, stop whining about it, go do something about it. And that applies to you if you're 10. Or if you're 40. Don't whine about it. Go do something about that. Make sure that you change that. Because the law is not going to listen to your whining on the Day of Judgment, who's complaining? Is he going to listen to those two? That's who he's going to listen to. And I'll end with one thing.

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You know, some had a lot parents appreciate the smallest things, the smallest things.

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And the greatest thing that my teacher ever did for me chef Raja half of the whole lot. Now is leaving my shell my bubble after studying for those years, and I asked them for an LC Hi. So give me some advice. said listen.

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You've spent the last few years studying your mom has barely seen you.

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Every time you see your mother, kiss her hands, hug her kiss her forehead every single time. Half of the hola May Allah May Allah bless them for that advice. You know how much parents appreciate those types of things? You know, some How do you say that to an American kid, go kiss your dad's hands for the most part. That's gross. Are you serious? Back then they would kiss feet, kiss the hands, kiss the forehead, keep humbling yourself. And Allah subhanho wa Taala did not tell us to show them the Wink of humility while they're still, you know, to lower ourselves and, you know, and humility and show them that mercy. While you know they're out where they're where they're just, you know, getting

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older. And those types of things know Allah Subhana. Allah said, when they reach old age, when they reach old age, and help them out, don't push them away. Don't repel them. Don't push them away. Don't sacrifice that. And also last Isola made against three people, one of those people was who we always remember this how the thermal bond, a person whose parents reach old age while he's alive, and he doesn't enter gender. That's your key right there. Don't start looking anywhere else. I know, I'll end with one thing. When we start talking about religiosity and getting religious and these types of things we usually think way out here, I'm going to start going to the Holocaust. And I'm

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going to start doing that one more. And I'm going to start doing this and I'm going to start doing that.

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But what Allah subhanho wa Taala teaches us to start with throughout the Quran, Allah carbona Allah and maruf of people that are closest to you should be seeing your best behavior. They should be the ones experiencing experiencing that really religiosity before anyone else that change in your life. And when it gets to a point that they mess up that your parents say something to you that your parents cross their boundaries. Just remember there were times when you did too. And I'll end with one thing and I promise I'm ending with this because this is something somehow law that that really, really strikes me.

00:29:05--> 00:29:07

You know, if I was standing up here with my little daughter right now.

00:29:09--> 00:29:13

And she wanted a piece of candy, and I put that candy in my pocket.

00:29:14--> 00:29:15

And she started to cry.

00:29:16--> 00:29:52

Would anyone in here side with her or would they side with me? Obviously, I'm doing the right thing. But I can't sit there and explain to my two year old look, you know, this is bad for your teeth and your hygiene and this is putting sugar extra sugar in my keep. I can't do that. She doesn't know what's good for her at that moment. She doesn't know what's good for her at that moment. I know somehow There was once a greeting card for the 1818 year birthday. It's a greeting card that was specifically from an 18 year old to a father on Father's Day favorite greeting card I've ever read. Yes, I'm one of those people that reads greeting cards all the time. I do hopeless on greeting

00:29:52--> 00:29:56

cards. I'm not even joking. It's an awesome resource for hopeless.

00:29:57--> 00:29:59

One of those I'll end in two minutes. I promise and sell

00:30:00--> 00:30:01

What that greeting card said,

00:30:03--> 00:30:08

Dad, over the last four years, I'm so glad you've grown up so much.

00:30:10--> 00:30:49

You've grown so much over the last four years. What does that mean? You just figured out that the candy wasn't good for you. Your parents, whenever they step in and they say things to you, even when they're wrong, you have to understand that they do it with the best of intentions. And if you're still 23 years old, 20 years old, 18 years old, and you're saying, He's always just trying to get on my case, she always just wants to run my life. He always wants to do this, he always wants to do that. And you're not recognizing the intention. The only thing that's changed is the candy is now the car. The candy is now the dorm room. The Candy has now changed into another form of candy, but

00:30:49--> 00:31:15

you're still too stupid to understand what's going on. You're not understanding the intentions, parents sometimes overstep their bounds. But don't ever let shavon convince you that your parents are somehow against you. And that's why the messenger sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, when he was asked about repayment of the Father, we know you can't repay the mother, right, but also lost him he said that no one of you can repay and listen closely to the words, his wallet,

00:31:16--> 00:31:22

you will not be able to repay him unless you find him as a slave and you buy his freedom.

00:31:24--> 00:31:27

Now, first and foremost, let me give the shout of this Hadeeth.

00:31:28--> 00:31:33

While it here can mean either father and mother or can mean just father and my opinion is just father.

00:31:34--> 00:31:42

Why? Because you can never repay the mother. It's impossible. It's absolutely impossible. But on top of that, what was the Prophet slicin I'm saying,

00:31:43--> 00:32:22

your father. And for some of us who didn't have a father, think of the one who did this for you. You know, who they say is the only person in life who wants you to be better than them. Your father. Men are extremely egotistical creatures, we're even worse than women in that we like to accuse women with everything. They talk a lot, but we have a lot more ego, a lot more ego. There's no doubt about that. We don't want anyone to supersede us. But the only person that that that wants another man to be better than him is a father who wants his son to be better than him than him. We ask Allah Subhana Allah to grant us that sense of mercy in sha Allah, we asked Allah Subhana Allah to make us

00:32:22--> 00:32:58

amongst those who attained gender through pleasing our parents, and know that it doesn't this is a relationship that doesn't even end that death because you continue to make the art for them. You are their investment even if they pass away, and your deeds will reach them inshallah to Allah, but never forget what they did for you. And never allow yourself to be deceived or deluded into thinking that they were against you and they weren't in your corner. And again, the last piece of advice, kiss their hands, kiss their foreheads, small things, the flowers, doing the dishes, small things, do them every day. We ask Allah to bless us and sha Allah does that Camilla head for your time?

00:32:58--> 00:33:01

sabbatical. I'm having a shadow Allah in Ireland, a staff required to legal sulamani commands.

00:33:08--> 00:33:40

Two month relationship. Unbelievable. I'm not talking about the extreme example. Mom, Dad, you step in the way and you stop your kids from getting married to a person because of some racist reason. Or because of something that's that's not because of the ninho. Look, you're gonna pay the price. I'm telling you that from now on, no matter what I say here. But I'm appealing to the children now. How many times have I had kids come up to me? I can't, I can't, I cannot count says chef, you know, in the Hanafi first level, he doesn't really count. First of all, that's a misconception.

00:33:41--> 00:33:49

And the Hanafi folklore really doesn't matter. I don't need anybody's approval. Or chef. I'm the son. I don't need anybody's approval. I'm the man in this house.

00:33:51--> 00:33:51

You know, what

00:33:52--> 00:33:55

did, he saw his son

00:33:56--> 00:34:06

Abdullah, in love with his wife started missing out on halaqa started missing out on going to battle. And he said divorce her.

00:34:07--> 00:34:08

He divorced her.

00:34:10--> 00:34:46

Then he came back to him and he said, okay, you can marry her again. I just wanted to teach you a lesson. That's a little bucket of study called the law of Taiwan. Where is your gratefulness? Which relationship counts more? Again, parents are many times guilty. But I'm talking about the brother who has a whole sea of sisters, the sister who has a whole sea of brothers, and there are plenty of fish in the sea. There are plenty of jobs in the masjid. There are plenty of bearded men in the masjid too. You can find somebody that you want and you've and fulfills your criteria. No one's got to be that one because you establish the relationship, you're paying the price and your parents will

00:34:46--> 00:34:47

probably pay the price too.

00:34:48--> 00:35:00

Don't give up a relationship of 20 years, 30 years, cuz somebody excited you over a few months. Think about this. Go back as far as you can. And what does

00:35:00--> 00:35:43

Alon subhanho wa Taala remind us of, I want you to think about this. There's a lot tell us in the Quran to love our mother only our father only or both of our parents. Both right. And in fact, I remember brother not mine did a very beautiful analysis of this the difference between Wiley Dane and Wiley Dane is someone who gives birth to you, or someone who actually had a part in being your mother and father, Allah subhanaw taala commanded you to have honor to show honor to who was slain in Santa BYD day he aksana both of your parents the ones that gave you birth to even the ones that you don't like even the one that didn't get you a PlayStation when you wanted it. Show them respect.

00:35:43--> 00:35:50

Show them love. But what is the loss of Hannah hoods at us what is the last parotitis the next hemella to

00:35:52--> 00:36:38

his mother held him when Hello, one in another place? Allah subhanaw taala quarter her well, what lots will call her pain on top of pain, holding him in pain, giving birth to him in pain, going through all of that she already acquired the right to be your own. She already acquired the right to be your mother and to be loved and respected. If she does nothing else for you for the rest of your life. She already has enough of a right on you. She does nothing else for the rest of her life. She should. She'd be a bad mother if she doesn't, but she's still your mother. Lost Planet Allah says what he mentioned specifically the toil that he went through. Why? Because you weren't there. You

00:36:38--> 00:37:01

were there but you didn't really know what was going on. You don't have a video camera Imagine if our if our mothers carried cameras around for nine months, every single cry every single scream in labor, everything that happened afterwards. All the depression that comes afterwards all of that hardship when they literally give their life for your life. Imagine if there was a video camera for all of that.

00:37:02--> 00:37:41

And you watch that you might feel pretty rotten at the end of that. But the point is dear brothers and sisters Allah subhanho wa Taala reminds us of that in the Quran. Meaning what Allah is giving you your history just in case you forgot this was the woman that carries you have the love nominal the Allahu taala and her man approached him so most of us have the Hadith is malkuth tabula rasa last column them a man comes to him what he says I carried my mother on my back throughout hedge. Think about that for a moment. That's before they had all the cooling tiles that's before they had the spoiled Americans including us who go there and whine about the buffets not having enough

00:37:41--> 00:38:03

variety, and the AC and all this, you know, the article that just came out that said Mecca looks more like Las Vegas now. That's before that, before that, that's when standing on that ground would burn your feets. You know, my father may have lost pounds out of preserve him. He moved to Medina in the 50s is telling me they're just doing this and salaat the whole time.

00:38:05--> 00:38:07

That's when it was hot. Imagine back then.

00:38:09--> 00:38:10

And what was the answer?

00:38:11--> 00:38:52

Have I repaid my mother? Would I be Tom Cotton wahida not even for one schouten labor. You think that's a big deal. Try holding someone in your stomach for nine months, and then giving birth to them. Think that's hard? Allah subhanaw taala saying give them back at least what they gave you at least show them the same love and respect that they show to you. Then you go to the lives of the seller for the tab bar and you see some beautiful examples. zainul Aberdeen bajo la live known for saying the great grandson of the messenger slice alum and his nickname was Zener diode in the beauty of the worshippers. How Look at this. Look. One day he's sitting with his mother and they're eating

00:38:52--> 00:38:52

food.

00:38:54--> 00:38:56

And he brings the food and he puts it in he sits in front of her

00:38:57--> 00:39:00

and he doesn't want to eat until she finishes eating.

00:39:01--> 00:39:15

Think about that. says you eat first. You finish your food first. She says go ahead Eat. Eat Oh my son eat with me says no you eat first says I don't want to touch anything that you're I might have fallen on.

00:39:17--> 00:39:23

Think about that. Why is he saying that? When you're a child, let me put you in the situation.

00:39:24--> 00:39:35

If Baba brings home, a box of pizza and you're starving and you haven't had anything need all day. I'm talking specifically to the mothers right now. And I'm talking to the kids who should remember this by the way.

00:39:36--> 00:39:55

And there's one slice of pizza left after all the kids come and tear it up like monsters, and the mother waits till the ends. And it's not just the Pakistani Father, I'm gonna let you guys off the hook. We are much more than our wives usually were very inconsiderate. Even with food sometimes right? one slice of pizza left, just that she's about to take a bite

00:39:56--> 00:39:57

if the child goes

00:40:00--> 00:40:01

What are you gonna do mom?

00:40:03--> 00:40:04

Are you gonna say no, I'm hungry.

00:40:06--> 00:40:24

You ate two slices already? What are you gonna do? Here? Take it. No hesitation. No hesitation. So now when you've gotten older, show that same love and respect, you know, we were talking about the concept of marriage. Does anyone know what age I'm talking how long got married?

00:40:27--> 00:40:38

You know, we get really impatient at 20 years old. At 20 years old. It's like mom, dad, if I don't get married, now I'm gonna go commit Zina. I promise you that girl on the street, I'm gonna do it.

00:40:39--> 00:40:52

And the parents, of course, make again balance. They make it very, very, very hard to get married because you have to be a 32 year old Hyderabadi dermatologist to marry my daughter, or a 29 year old, you know, plastic surgeon from Ramallah and Palestine to marry But no, but

00:40:54--> 00:41:01

Allah. And he said, This isn't some that he said it clearly said, Look, you guys don't listen, don't think I'm doing this out of sin.

00:41:02--> 00:41:04

He refused to get married till his mom passed away.

00:41:05--> 00:41:14

He said, because if I get married before she passes away, I won't give her right. told the students. It's not sooner you get married. But I can't do it.

00:41:16--> 00:41:23

till his late 30s. And it wasn't like whenever she passed away, he's like, I'm done. Now she's gone. I can get married? No, no, no.

00:41:24--> 00:42:10

Even when he went to look for a wife is on a Mona. She asked him what should we look for. And he said a woman that resembles my mom. Pamela, that's love. showing it back, showing it back giving back that mercy giving back that love. They were there for you, you should be there for them too. And Subhanallah and this society was only feast upon those, those those feelings where we really just don't care. So how to love they get older and we lose it. Let me tell you something, I lost my mother, four years ago, the worst time of my life. And anyone who tells you that it's going to get easier was lying to you have anyone who tells you that crying makes you feel better was lying to

00:42:10--> 00:42:26

you. It's the toughest thing that you could ever do. toughest thing that you could ever go through is bearing the bearing that person at the time of death. But you know what I've observed in most Genesis, you know what, which people are usually crying the most agenesis.

00:42:27--> 00:42:33

Let's say that a woman has six kids, you know which kids are going to be the ones crying most of the janazah going

00:42:35--> 00:42:36

back? Who does that?

00:42:38--> 00:42:40

The kids that treated them like trash when they were living.

00:42:42--> 00:42:52

And then if their dads are living still they go do the same thing to their dads even after that. They didn't learn the lesson. Or as they did in the Sabbath or the law time when his mother passed away.

00:42:53--> 00:43:20

He cried. And he said one of my gates of gender has been closed. Woe to me if I don't rush to the other one. Think about this. You're in a room and there is only two gates, two gentlemen. One of them closes. What are you supposed to do? Hurry up and run to the other one. Don't make the same mistake twice. Think about that. Don't make the same mistake twice. If you lost one, don't make the same mistake twice. If you haven't lost anyone.

00:43:21--> 00:43:43

Hold on to them. Because at that moment of death, if you have this much heart, you're gonna remember even when you were seven years old, and you close the door in her face or you conveniently acted like you didn't hear it's gonna hurt. It's gonna hurt really bad. Don't put yourself in that situation. And you know, somehow a lot. The moment that I really realized how much my parents meant to me

00:43:44--> 00:44:00

was the moment that my daughter was born. When my baby was born youth I especially want you guys to listen to this. When my daughter was born, the first thing I did was I picked up my phone and I called my dad and I was bawling like a little baby and I said Dad, I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

00:44:01--> 00:44:02

My dad's like, for what?

00:44:04--> 00:44:14

Like, Dad, I'm sorry. I didn't realize it. I didn't know. For what? Dad, I'm sorry. And my dad likes my dad likes to play around. I was like, I'm gonna stop being stupid.

00:44:16--> 00:44:24

That accent like Dad, I'm sorry. He's like, was she born? He thought that I was calling to say that there was a miscarriage. I'm sorry.

00:44:25--> 00:44:32

What? She's dead. What happened? Is your wife, okay? I'm like, No, Dad, I just realized

00:44:33--> 00:44:42

what kind of parent you were panela that moment when you've got your own, and you realize this is gonna be a long journey.

00:44:44--> 00:44:59

terrible twos never end, right. It's gonna be a long journey. But you know what I especially want to address because in this crowd, we have a variation. We've got the Mama's boys and the Mama's girls, daddy's girl. I was the mama's boy in my family. I was the mama's boy. hamdu Lillahi Rabbil aalameen

00:45:00--> 00:45:25

I love my mother and hamdulillah I never, never ever in my adult life can remember saying anything displeasing to her hamdulillah. And I only think to myself, I wonder what it would have been like if I would have done the opposite. I wonder what it would have been like. But here's the other thing on the other side, many of us that are not Mama's boys, and many of us that are not daddy's girls are those types of things. You know who we are. We're the people that complain that we're not the favorite.

00:45:26--> 00:45:59

Mom, Dad, you love him more than me. You love her more than me. You never gave me the same love. You know how you could react to that? Why don't you start doing the things that would make you the favorite child, stop whining about it, go do something about it. And that applies to you if you're 10. Or if you're 40. Don't whine about it. Go do something about that. Make sure that you change that. Because the law is not going to listen to your whining on the Day of Judgment, who's complaining? Is he going to listen to those two? That's who he's going to listen to. And I'll end with one thing.

00:46:00--> 00:46:07

You know, Suppan a lot parents appreciate the smallest things, the smallest things.

00:46:08--> 00:46:23

And the greatest thing that my teacher ever did for me, Chef Raja half of the whole lot, now is leaving my shell my bubble after studying for those years, and I asked them for an LC Hi. So give me some advice. said, Listen.

00:46:24--> 00:46:28

You've spent the last few years studying your mom has barely seen you.

00:46:29--> 00:47:10

Every time you see your mother, kiss her hands, her kiss her forehead. Every single time. Half of the hola May Allah May Allah bless him for that advice. You know how much parents appreciate those types of things? You know, some How do you say that to an American kid, go kiss your dad's hands, for the most part. That's gross. Are you serious? Back then they would kiss feet, kiss the hands, kiss the forehead. Keep humbling yourself. And Allah subhanho wa Taala did not tell us to show them the wing of humility while they're still you know, to lower ourselves and, you know, and humility and show them that mercy. While you know they're at where they're where they're just, you know,

00:47:10--> 00:47:51

getting older and those types of things. No last panel to add a said, when they reach old age, when they reach old age, find out and help him out. Don't push them away. Don't repel them. Don't push them away. Don't sacrifice that. And also last Isola made against three people, one of those people was who we always remember this, how they the normal bond, a person whose parents reach old age while he's alive, and he doesn't enter gender. That's your key right there. Don't start looking anywhere else I know. And with one thing, when we start talking about religiosity and getting religious and these types of things, we usually think way out here, I'm going to start going to the

00:47:51--> 00:47:56

Holocaust. And I'm going to start doing that one more. And I'm going to start doing this and I'm going to start doing that.

00:47:57--> 00:48:28

But what did Allah subhanho wa Taala teach us to start with throughout the Quran, Allah carbona Allah will narrow of the people that are closest to you should be seeing your best behavior. They should be the ones experiencing experiencing that really religiosity before anyone else that change in your life. And when it gets to a point that they mess up, not your parents say something to that your parents cross their boundaries. Just remember there were times when you did too. And I'll end with one thing and I promise I'm ending with this because this is something somehow law that that really, really strikes me.

00:48:29--> 00:48:32

You know, if I was standing up here with my little daughter right now.

00:48:33--> 00:48:37

And she wanted a piece of candy, and I put that candy in my pocket.

00:48:38--> 00:48:39

And she started to cry.

00:48:40--> 00:49:17

Would anyone in here side with her? Or would they side with me? Obviously, I'm doing the right thing. But I can't sit there and explain to my two year old. Look, you know, this is bad for your teeth and your hygiene. This is putting sugar extra sugar it might keep I can't do that. She doesn't know what's good for her at that moment. She doesn't know what's good for her at that moment. I know somehow There was once a greeting card for the 1818 year old birthday. It's a greeting card that was specifically from an 18 year old to a father on Father's Day favorite greeting card I've ever read. Yes, I'm one of those people that reads greeting cards all the time. I do hopeless on greeting

00:49:17--> 00:49:20

cards. I'm not even joking. It's awesome resource for hopeless.

00:49:21--> 00:49:26

One of those out and then two minutes, I promise. And so what that greeting card said,

00:49:27--> 00:49:32

Dad over the last four years, I'm so glad you've grown up so much.

00:49:35--> 00:50:00

You've grown so much over the last four years. What does that mean? You just figured out that the candy wasn't good for you. Your parents whenever they step in and they say things to you even when they're wrong. You have to understand that they do it with the best of intentions. And if you're still 23 years old, 20 years old, 18 years old, and you're saying he's always just trying to get on my case. She always just wants to run my

00:50:00--> 00:50:36

Like he always wants to do this, he always wants to do that. And you're not recognizing the intention. The only thing that's changed is the candy is now the car. The candy is now the dorm room. The Candy has now changed into another form of candy. But you're still too stupid to understand what's going on. You're not understanding the intentions, parents sometimes overstep their bounds. But don't ever let shavon convince you that your parents are somehow against you. And that's why the messenger sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, when he was asked about repayment of the Father, we know you can't repay the mother, right? But also last I sent him he said that no one of

00:50:36--> 00:50:39

you can repay and listen closely to the words, his wallet,

00:50:41--> 00:50:46

you will not be able to repay him unless you find him as a slave and you buy his freedom.

00:50:48--> 00:50:51

Now, first and foremost, let me give the shout of this Hadeeth.

00:50:52--> 00:50:57

While it here can mean either father and mother or it can mean just father and my opinion is just father.

00:50:58--> 00:51:07

Why? Because you can never repay the mother. It's impossible. It's absolutely impossible. But on top of that, what was the Prophet slicin I'm saying,

00:51:08--> 00:51:46

your father. And for some of us who didn't have a father, think of the one who did this for you. You know, who they say is the only person in life who wants you to be better than them. Your father. Men are extremely egotistical creatures, we're even worse than women in that we like to accuse women with everything. They talk a lot, but we have a lot more ego, a lot more ego. There's no doubt about that. We don't want anyone to supersede us. But the only person that that that wants another man to be better than him is a father who wants his son to be better than him than him. We ask Allah Subhana Allah to grant us that sense of mercy in sha Allah, we ask Allah subhanaw taala to make us

00:51:46--> 00:52:22

amongst those who attain gender through pleasing our parents and know that it doesn't this is a relationship that doesn't even end that death because you continue to make the art for them. You are their investment even if they passed away and your deeds will reach them inshallah to Allah, but never forget what they did for you. And never allow yourself to be deceived or deluded into thinking that they were against you and they weren't in your corner. And again, the last piece of advice, kiss their hands, kiss their foreheads, small things, the flowers, doing the dishes, small things, do them every day. We ask Allah to bless us and sha Allah does not come along for your time it's a

00:52:22--> 00:52:25

conical I'm having a shadow Allah Allah Allah stuff recorded to Lagos, Santa Monica.