Channel: Abdulbary Yahya
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Whenever the demand
there is a chef who went to the village.
In this particular village,
they had a belief
that you were born on
And so they told ya.
start with asking the successful business people, the leaders of the community, and the
What do you want? And they will say,
in the community.
And he found out that 80% of the people that he asked
is really, really highly successful people
asked to the bankers, the loan people society
and even ask them
one report Tuesday,
is true. If you bought
it was a Tuesday or Thursday.
Do you know why this is true?
It's true for them.
Because they expect it to be true.
There's expectations, and it's how they treat children,
and how they treat those who were born to think those were born.
And so they treat them differently. So for example,
if a person has two sons, one was born.
The other person
if the one who was born on Tuesday came home on Saturday, nine o'clock, right? Okay, we're really late. And he still is the one that's supposed to be bad. He came home really late, they will say
they want to say something to
Thursday, whatever today
anyways, is not going to be
his friend again.
They will say to him, You know what?
that person says all.
Sometimes it makes a big, big difference. And so
the message of
always wanting to
know always expecting great things from them.
And treating them very, very kindly and nice. To the point where he was always smiling.
Everyone who saw him
they always felt that they weren't
this is how the rest of
To be adoptable,
and we as Muslims, especially as parents, and children,
he came to the rescue.
And he said, when he was sending the message, I was
When he saw my face, so much so that I thought
he's not because of the way that he spoke to him.
He thought that he was the province of
Okay, that's understandable right.
And he will say this,
because of the way the process of treating him
he really thought that maybe it was
he said, the province of
Alberta after that
the product sold.
you have to do? You have to strengthen strengthens. And so
I remember, I used to teach
And I would come to the
state that the governor
says, you know, this is my friend.
It was an
I will never say, I wouldn't say that.
But I will treat.
even if you don't say it, they feel it.
If you don't say
they read the body language, your tone of voice changes, when you're speaking to somebody.
It's difficult when you speak with someone.
And so, one student approached me and he was a very bad student.
He wasn't he was a class clown. And he was proud of it
so he tries to live up to it,
live up to that time
And so he
he failed the test by two points.
He came up to me
said that, I
to give my favorite students can also be the best.
It could be the best in the class.
Do you aim to be the best
and I expect you to do the best.
And you know,
you can do it.
My favorite scenes
and of course, the other
really good students to this day when
we are used to speaking Arabic.
Some of the students in school, and
I never told them,
but everybody felt it.
Because when you're speaking to them, this is how you have to do is how not to be nursing
the next semester, because you know what he got
120% out of
the best of his ability, and in actual credit,
he wanted to be the best person
possible. And so now he's trying to live up to that,
that title that he was given,
call themselves something they always want to belong to. That's why some people, yeah, that's why some people, when they're very clean, and they turn
in my house, there's no table like that.
Because that's who they labeled. As someone who's very clean, you can say something
about that person.
And so, when it comes to the first thing, when it comes to teaching our children, we have to build that trust. And it's not like, you know, the face of piety, most important thing, the fix of piety is that,
when the guys come, and the children listen
to the children, he was very kind to them.
He's not amongst us, though, he who does not know how to respect the elderly
is not and is not
youngest can respect the elderly, elderly, we should have mercy upon the young also. And, of course, especially in your house. And so we might say that, you know,
and the time that we're living in right now, in our houses, we don't have time to teach our children.
And we don't have time to do this, we don't have time to do that. A lot of times, we expect other people to teach Islam to our children. But we are teaching from making sure that our children
are well behaved, it starts from the home. This is not from the school. It's not from the home that you have to take care of.
From from the inside out from the very beginning. And you have to start very early. Because many, many people, they always think, you know what, he hasn't reached a point yet. He's not 15 years, right? So he
hasn't reached puberty, it's okay. You know, below, so you treat them differently.
And so, and then, when they reach puberty, anytime you have a claim, he's not used to play. So he might not pray might be disobedient and so forth. And it's difficult for him because you did join him for when he was very young. And that's why the Prophet
order your children to pray when they're seven years old. You know that this is an order for the promise of love. And that means that your children are seven years old, when it's time to pray, even though they're not saying you have to order them.
You will get the report. Right.
You will get the report when they pray, and if they don't cry
when they're seven years old,
Because you're not following the order of
seven years of age, sometimes when it's time to time ordering children to pray for their son, he didn't say, order your children to pray.
Because by that time, they already think they know everything
you understand when they're teenagers,
they don't listen to you anymore. So you have to understand
that whenever you feed them, however you base it from the very beginning, something that's very important. And then this is discipline, what are they?
When they're 10 years old, and they still open the discipline, because after 10,
if they're not in the habit of listening to you, then it's going to be very, very difficult.
So you have to start early and start after puberty after 15 that's too late. You already got your bamboo broken.
Yeah, you can't strain them anymore. You know, at 14 years old, 15 years old, they think they know everything already.
Right? They think they know everything.
And so if you have it straight from the very beginning, it's gonna be very hard to stray directly at that age and afterwards, because you didn't follow the
setup, and take care of your children. And also,
they're in the house, you have to make sure
that, you know, they're listening to you know, what they're watching. A lot of people they think, the martial arts a Disney show,
the Disney movie, but you know, the concepts that are being taught
in the Disney movies, and so forth. Those types of you might think it's family oriented entertainment. Now.
Let me give you some examples.
There are many examples, you will see, one of the things that is always in these movies, is disobedience to the parents, you'll see that the girl rebels. So like for example, some people you know, they weren't taught
before they realize it, their daughter has just run off from with this person and that person.
Even the family seven, how can you grow up with such and such person? That guy's a bomb?
Right? is a bomb. And he just you say no, they can marry this person. And
then they're off here that the community sometimes it occurs sometimes in the Muslim community.
Very, very often. In some places.
You might wonder why
the reason is
where the princess she falls in love.
Right? And of course, the parents are gonna object to it. Right?
So she's trying to tell a parent like my life to live
So the lesson here is that she runs off with him, and they get all their flying carpet.
And it's okay. The lesson is, is okay, in the end your parents be okay.
On is fine for a while.
And then when you come back, you can
eventually eventually be okay. But you see this this obedience of the parents is already mentioned there and why would you let First of all, why would you let your children watch a movie of that time? When they're five and six? Bobby we're falling in love.
Is that family entertainment?
I want you to think about
If this was the movie that was in our console,
Do you think it's okay?
Right? And repeats itself, for example, but
the same concept happens. Just yell at her father, this obedient to the Father. But you know, you're gonna have to get some
tribulation, but in the end your father be okay with it.
So all these things
So you have to be careful what your children watch. So that means you have to give them examples.
Because if you don't give them example, as I mentioned earlier, Homer Simpson,
right, Bart Simpson
treated very well. The person said is not a good student.
going to talk to you also,
you don't realize it, sometimes you think.
But these are the examples that they have. These are the people that they are following.
But what we don't understand what we have to realize is, we have to give them examples of the stories of the prophets and messengers, because the lessons never heard
the stories of the companions of the Prophet SAW
the stories and the stories of a certain man, before they go to sleep with these great stories, and they will remember it, trust me. Even if you tell your children
you know, sometimes a lot of people,
you might think that they're not listening to you, right? The children are
just like us, when we were
In the end, every child that grows up, ends up holding their partner ends up pulling the mother, my mother used to say this, my father used to say that
when I was a kid, this is what my father used to do.
And they will always
it sticks, what what do you do what you say, or stick with them for the rest of their life. So don't think it's only harming you, when you're doing something bad when you're giving when you are that bad example, you are shaping the future of your children, the habits of your children, even if you feel they're not listening to you, they're watching you.
Even if you think that they're not listening to them watching every single step, every action that you're doing, and they're learning from it. They're learning. So
you have to be you have to control and see what you're watching, and what they're doing. And you have to get it out.
Have to give them alternative because the other people that work with families, such and such family, you know, he does, they can do that, why can't we do it? And they'll feel like very different. So you have to give them an alternative also. But you tell them they say that about your parents don't tell the stories of the companions every single night
was really cool stories.
So you have to learn, but the thing that you can teach your children, you teach them well, believe it or not, there's always more than one you think that
from Monday very often, we always be a little bit tentative with the kids and parents.
And then a lot and they're very smart.
They understand sometimes they'll cry, and you know that they're crying because he knows that they know that it works on me.
as a child,
you have to
besides having to control and see what they're watching what they're doing, you have to set the example. And you all will always mention that.
We don't have time.
Any time. We just don't make use of the time that we do have properly. I was just on the way here. We were speaking about writing and the rules of writing.
You don't have to pass the Washington State driver's test.
without reading a single page of the driving rules,
I passed without reading one way that I passed.
And I got my license without studying a single pay didn't open the book, I got the book in my hand. And I did not know that I had to take the test that day.
They said, No, you have to take when you apply, and this can take the test what I what I was expecting, I was expecting to be before this, I thought, you know, they will give you the permit. And then I will come and take the written test later on.
So I sat down with a computer. Right, and, you know, pressing this and pressing that. And then
I started answer, and then passed
and passed without studying not because of smart.
Aleck, it's not like
I was thinking about this. How did I know all of this?
How did that
it's difficult to pass any test if you don't read a single page, right?
But the reason why I knew the answers to those questions,
because my father,
my father, when we would get into the car,
he would ask me questions
related to the prince bypass, so that
the children on the witness door, he will think of a question related to prayer.
And then we'll answer. And if I didn't know who would teach me, and I'm used, I was used to that. And of course, if it's a long trip, he would run out of questions
to ask, so what did he end up asking me?
And so we will look at the lines is that you see that there are dotted lines here. And they're solid lines and that side? Do you know what that means?
And he said, you know, the dotted lines means that those people on the other side can cross over and pass. And
he can pass, then you will run out of questions. And you will say, you know what, you're not allowed to pass because he's writing right? And so the first thing you read a question
he's gotta ask, why did you know the children? Right? If you don't ask what are they then
they start fighting in the car.
And then it distracts you
guys, Please behave yourselves. What instead of saying, What do you guys think behave yourselves? Say Can anybody give me 15 profits? Only. Okay, one at a time.
If you do this every single time you get into God, trust me, your children will know that.
If you consistent with this, your children will know a lot.
They will grow up.
And this is what the Messenger of Allah subhanaw taala
has to testify to the answers. Because I did not know
what the signs meant, because I remember what my father used to tell me. And he only asked me these questions. Of course, he knew that.
He just ran out of questions.
And so what ends up happening is
you have to learn also, of course, you don't want to run out of questions, right?
So you can have to learn
to ask your children questions at normal times. You don't have to have a gathering.
Okay, today, you know, at six o'clock, from 67, every other day, we're going to have
But when you're teaching them spontaneously, they don't feel it.
They don't sense it. So when you're watching, let's say you're washing dishes, you're doing
the house chores, building things in the house, and then your children come from school before they come in, have a question, right?
have a question related to food. So you might ask
is it permissible for us to eat a frog
And then he will tell him, No, it's not
that the prophets have said do not kill us, because they are gracious and loving.
So if you're not allowed to kill the frog, then you can eat a frog unless you can put the frog in your mouth and eat it and then still come out alive, which is impossible.
You're not allowed to kill it, and you can eat it.
let's say that you forgotten today, you forgot to think of a question. Now you can also remember the other day, do you remember the proof of wind farms?
Right. And so you will take whatever you learn, you teach your children.
Because when you're in that state, you become a better person.
And you retain what you learn. But that's what the rest of us
he was behind. He said.
He said, I was behind the messenger velocity.
And he turned around, nobody is behind it is on a donkey. And the messenger turns around.
I'm going to teach you a few words.
When Moses was inside the bus,
what he was doing,
behind, he didn't waste the time, he turned around and reminded him of a lot of his teaching is teaching him
he's teaching him to be conscious of a lot illogical Kalimantan. Let me tell you a few words. Okay. Right. This is like when you're driving, you're turning around, but we don't have
there in the passenger seat. This is what we do. And that's what the prophet SAW.
He said, Oh, I don't have time, but you do have time. Just be consistent. Imagine if you did this with your children, you will know so much more. And your children will know so much more, then they would know the rulings of this, they would know what
this companion was. So each day change this and change that. It's telling the story here, it's so you do have time, do not come forward to
make the little time that you do have useful and make use of that. And so
he said, Take care of your obligation
to take care, take care, to carry obligations to Alaska.
And Alaska, you'll find a lot of hours, therefore. And so he's teaching them to be conscious of a lot of the time. And that's why when it comes to our children, from the very beginning, it teach them to be conscious of a lot. You don't say that, for example, you say you shouldn't be trying to be you should be choosing, you should do this. Because, you know, because, because we're polite.
And that's what we do. Now, this is where sometimes,
you know, because we don't do this, because
Not because of this culture, or anything like that, no, because of a lot
of the time, and we find
out all the time. Because when you remind them of a loss.
What ends up happening is even when they're alone, they'll still be conscious. But if you say do this, because you know because your grandmother because of this person,
when you're not there, they won't be conscious, they will behave themselves. So you remind them of the last panel. The second thing is to teach them math.
And that's a part of our team.
What we'll do, I will have to stick to each area.
Worship a lot of do not associate anything with them and towards your parents because this is a foreigner from Allah. So you teach them to be kinder, teach them to be nice, teach them to be obedient
to you, so that a lot will be pleased with them. So the last time we'll be pleased with them. And if you teach them that, they will that's what will end up happening is one
You teach your children to be conscious of a lot to be kind to because of a lot because of a lot, even when
they are angry at you,
they will still be kind to you. They might say, you know what my father really mean to me today.
But you know, I'm still gonna be the last one
but the last time I was born.
And so he's told him for the same. So teach him to be sincere, and give them you know, of course, help them out. And always, you know, they like it, when you do things together, not just tell them to do things,
tell them to do things. And then also try to try to help them out.
So that that time that you spend with them, is very important.
And the reason is, because it's building that bond, because you don't want him to go to other people. You want him when he has problems, children need
to come to you and to trust you. And also, if you want your children
to be obedient to you, you have to be justice.
You have to be fair to them. You can't be
you can't love this person, you can love them more, but you can't be unfair to them.
You can't buy this person, something and not buy your daughter something else.
At least, you know, if you're gonna give them something to give to the other person. Awesome. Why? Because naturally, every human being
every human wants justice. Every human wants justice. And when justice is not there,
when you're not being fair to people, they are more likely to be disobedience. And they're more likely to not care.
Because you're not being fair.
You know, in the
in the 90s,
there was a person
in Southern California,
and he was a African American.
And he got beat
by the police.
And it was somebody who had a camera.
in the news.
And so it was big news, it was a big thing. People were talking about it, because the way that he was getting beat.
Anyways, this was the
fourth the for the for police officers, whenever they want to have a little bite. So they beat this black man.
And when they run to court,
afterwards, they will have acquitted, nothing, they are going to charges against those four men, the former police officer, even in the you know, the brutality into this battle. So that judgment was pronounced. What ended up happening outside.
When people saw that, it was very clear that this was not fair. They came out, no justice, no peace, no justice, and they just went crazy. And, of course, we're not supposed to do that. Then of course, there are some people who were crazy. They just want to steal TVs and so forth.
People like that, right? But there were some people who were just when they knew that there was an injustice, they didn't.
Like that was that was it. And so let's start with your children. If you're not familiar with him,
then you're gonna have problems. And that's what
I was approached by companion. And he said, Oh,
I would like me to be a witness.
In in that I have given my son, this garden of mine, with a beat up witness. So that that you know, this garden here I have given to him. So in other words, if there's any disputes later on, you can tell them you know what, I heard your father saying that this document is for such and such time.
So when the prophet SAW that, he said, Did you give all of your children a garden?
He said no. He said that I would not be in person.
That will witness over something that is oppressive. unfair.
Why? He said, If you are going to give someone to sell something to someone, then give to all your children.
So if you're going to buy a toy for your son,
make sure you buy something for your dog also doesn't have to be a car.
But your kitchen set,
right, but at least give them something similar. So that they know you're being fair.
Because if they feel that you're not fair to them, then they're more likely to be disobedient. So as Muslims, it is mandatory upon us to be just to be fair to all of our children. If you give one to something, and you give something to someone, amongst your children,
otherwise, don't give. And then
if you do, so,
they will also have to increase the jealousy amongst themselves. So at least when you're fair, they know that you're fair, they are very, more likely more likely to listen to me. And so with our children, also,
you have to understand that
how we behave,
how we behave, affects what we love, affects what we say, affects them. And so before you do something,
before you do anything, make sure what you're saying, is also matching what you're doing.
Because sometimes, when you tell them to do something, and you're doing the opposite,
or you tell yourself
to do something, or they know that you say this, and you do the opposite, that hypocrisy in your action, that contradiction between the words and actions, they notice that hey, bonus.
So the next time you tell them to do something,
they understand. And they practice what you preach. So don't don't come tell me to do this and do that. They might not say that openly. But deep down inside is
also another thing with our children.
First of all,
you Will you promise them something and fulfill that promise.
But when you threaten them with something, then make sure what you're saying what you're saying has some value.
there are some parents who are very quick, their moms would always,
always cursing the children yelling individually, and saying this and saying that, and they're threatening that also, they'll say, Don't ever do that, again, if you do that, again, I'll chop your head off.
You're not gonna chop his head off. Okay? So don't say it.
Don't say it. Don't threaten them with these words, because they need to get used to hearing them. And then they know you're not going to do it.
So rather than the things that you can do, okay. So you know, if you can say something and do it for
each other, for example,
you have to understand when the person makes the mistake,
if they make mistakes, and you're telling them to do something, and they do it,
then make sure make sure they know what the punishment is. Sometimes when a person makes a mistake, he doesn't know that it's a mistake. And children are very innocent. Sometimes you can expect them sometimes to be responsible. Like for example, I have a five year old and a four year old to come on and be responsible
is your you're responsible for that for them. So what else do we need to do? Right? If you're going to say something, you know that say something that is that you're able to, to put into practice.
And we promise them something, then fulfill that promise. You know, my children, sometimes they want something really bad. I will say okay, you know, I'll give it to you. But you know, I want you to finish this. This. This this juice.
You finish it.
So my son one time,
he wants to finish, he wants something really bad.
And it's 11 o'clock. Like 1030 1030 1030, he finished his
And he promised me when we're finished, I'll get my book. Right? It's 1030.
But I finished 27 or 30 minutes before the store started.
So he reminded
me now back to those people, we get in the car, and I drive to the store. And that's the last thing we pick up. And we go in the store closes, we pick them up.
And I hit him at that time.
And so the next time I tell them to do something,
So, you know, my father will fulfill his promise.
And then we'll do and so don't say the event and then not do it. You know, and if you want another thing, also,
another thing, sometimes, you know, they do something wrong. If someone does such a good job and does something wrong, sometimes you might sit there for two weeks.
They'll look two weeks is a long time, Father, that's not fair.
But this is what I will teach you want to do, is you want him to give the judgment. They say, first of all, he doesn't know that he's wrong, then you treat them differently. They don't know that that's wrong. But if they know it's wrong,
don't do this again. The next time he does it, before I do anything, I tell him, okay, if you don't do that, because this is and I don't want him to do it again. And I want to, if I want to punish him for it, if he does something bad.
If you do it again, if you do that again, what do you think I should do? What punishment Do you think I should apply? And then apply this time? Okay.
So he's thinking, he's looking at
are you thinking? Okay.
Okay, no, let me let me use the internet for two months.
So I'm thinking personally, two months is a lot.
He doesn't realize
this is nothing.
If you do it again, it's
So I can't
remember what you said.
You know, what the, you know, the punishment is
Aren't you with me? Because who was the one that came to?
But if I did not do that ahead of time, and he did it wrong, yes. Go for two, you're not gonna use it for two weeks. Is, but that's a lot.
Right? Because I said it. Now these people who argue
maybe you should, you know, make less, but now even two months, he can't argue because he was the one that gave the punishment. So young, he says, not fair. I didn't do it.
and then after one month, it's very hard to
and then if you are nicely, then say, Okay,
first of all, not too much to start with.
But then when something happens next time again, and you don't want to do it again. Make sure you get over the punishment.
And don't do it yourself. Let him say and then
fair, something fair. Okay. And also, when a person makes a mistake, you have to look at the mistake and find out if that mistake was done out of ignorance or other errors.
For our disobedience, you have to find the reason. You know the Messenger of Allah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam was one time and the question and he was, in His mercy evaluated came a bedroom, came to the masjid. And he urinated in the corner of the lesson. So
he went to the urinated,
all the companions were in uproar, They all stood up, and they're screaming at him. What did he do?
You know, they don't want to stop. He wanted to, he wanted him
You want him to finish?
Right, but there's wisdom behind, because if you want to grab it.
And then he said, go get a bucket of water and pour the water in that place. Because the
dirt they will
have carpets and things like that. So you pour the water and it will be treated that way. So the problem is,
finished you he called the boat.
And he said,
Indeed, these massages are the houses of the law, it is not appropriate for you to do anything except for prayer.
presentation of the man and then remember,
this is what we do.
This is not appropriate for you. But this is what we do.
So the way that Vanessa spoke to him, he was so kind to the way they spoke.
He spoke to us in such a kind of way that that particularly compared to that veteran, he said, may Allah have mercy upon me and nobody else?
And nobody else. So the other one said, Why are you constricting something that's so bad as the mercy of
something so bad when it comes to the mercy of Allah? And so what? First of all, you see this companion?
The wind is the process of puppet speak to him in such a nice way.
And he didn't scold him didn't yell.
Do you know why? Because this companion was ignorant. He did not know that urinating in the masjid was wrong. You might say, wow.
Isn't that common sense? Right? It is common sense to be in you. But it's not common sense to him. So there are many things that it's common sense to us to our children is not a common sense. They don't know that it's wrong. So they don't want to
teach them. So this companion in the process of talking, you might say, How can he not know that that's wrong? Do you know? Because he's a veteran. And he lives in the desert, he moves from place to place. Whenever he feels the urge to urinate. All he does is go to the site, go to
the bathroom. So now he's coming is coming to the dealer. He's come to the city, he doesn't live in the city. Okay?
What's his first instinct to go to the side? He doesn't care for his whole life, from when he was young from a baby until he grew up until at this age, if you want to hear me go to the side,
because he loves the Jasmine. So now he's in the masjid.
That was what he was used to.
So the processor understood that he didn't scold him, he didn't yell at him, because he did not know that.
So many times, our children, they do things that are wrong. But we think that you know what? Why don't we know that that's wrong? He has to know.
He or she does not know. So you have to be kind. And you have to be you have to be kind to them. And you have to stick message and you have to figure out why they did not if they already know that it's wrong and they still do it, then you treat them differently. And that's why
brother in law.
He was one of the scholars with the scholars of the companions of Christ
and He used to promote his prayers.
One man can complain about his credit. So when he spoke to the suppliers indicated and approached him, his face was red. And he looked at him he raised his voice
when you pray like nuclear because there are sick people.
So he spoke to him differently. He didn't speak to him.
he knows, he knows. And so that's why he raised his voice to make the point that he didn't do it.
Because they are two different situations due to the case. So we asked the last panel
to make our children the happiness of our life tonight for us this month and
we asked lots of teachers