Feeling Lonely and It’s Getting Worse

Omar Suleiman

Channel: Omar Suleiman

Episode Notes

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Sh. Omar Suleiman reflects on the idea of loneliness and provides a few tips on what we as a community can do to help others and help ourselves deal with loneliness during this time and afterwards.

Episode Transcript

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So now a commercial talking about a cat scenario she found himself in that home. Did you know what I mean? One on one in a while? I mean, I have people to Tofino almost suddenly with Southern Nevada and because we can Mohammed in Salalah. And he was selling wine. And he was like, Yes and interesting and caviar. So as I mentioned today in the Friday reflections, as we're going through these lectures, and sermons and lessons and articles and publications, and this constant theme of family and use this time to reconnect with family and reconnect with those at home, and there is this, this looming, you know, reality that,

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well, there are a lot of people that that are not quarantined with family right now that are having to struggle with this all by themselves that did not have anyone before this and don't have anyone after this that's around them to comfort them. And so the first thing I want to say is that in no way shape or form, am I going to dismiss those feelings or claim to have some sort of a magical solution to all of this.

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And the onus, the burden of dealing with loneliness should not be on those that are feeling lonely right now, but to all of us to do a better job to make sure that we're checking up on everyone to make sure that we're doing our part to reach out to those that are struggling right now that that are not locked up with family, which poses its own challenges. And so the onus is on the community, to do a better job of forming that structure. And there are certain things that could make that even worse, or convert community in particular, you know, there are so many different things that could happen, poverty makes loneliness a lot worse, because in poverty, there's shame. You know, and so

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there are a lot of brothers and sisters, and there shouldn't be shame. But there are a lot of homeless brothers and sisters right now, that are alone and have not disclosed their condition to anyone. So loneliness has different levels. And I think we have to come to terms with first and foremost that

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the pandemic of loneliness precedes the pandemic of COVID-19. And we have reached a time in which you know, 22% of people I believe, have have expressed feelings of loneliness. So even though we have social media, and we have all of these different outlets to connect with people,

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loneliness is worse now than it's ever been before, even with this world of connection that we have. And so, I want to first and foremost, again, acknowledge that the onus of this should be on the community and everyone has to do a better job of reaching out to everyone else and making sure that people are heard and people are seeing

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when everyone is sort of hunkered down but not everyone is hunkered down around others, which could make this

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particularly challenging, okay. Second thing is to make is to pray for those brothers and sisters that are in that situation, they lost a parent and allow you to connect with him at a deeper level, May, May you find the opportunity to,

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to build that relationship with Him. And to have that strength, that strong connection with him and to find meaning in your supplication in your prayer in a way that you have never found before. May you be surrounded with angels that comfort you in these times. And May May we do a better job as a community of reaching out to those brothers and sisters that are in that situation. And so are their eyes also have to be there as well. The third thing is just a little bit of perspective on this, the prophets lie Selim. He talks about that, you know, this idea of loneliness

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as being a particular challenge when a person moves on to the next realm of their existence. And so the prophets like Selim said that when a person goes to their grave, they're followed by their deeds, and they're followed by their family to have them returned back and only

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other followed by their deeds, their wealth and their family to have them returned back in only one stays the profits by some said wealth and family return. And only your deeds accompany you in the grave. And there's something that's very interesting about that, that when a person moves on to the next round there and then their deeds will accompany them in the form of people that would comfort them if they were good deeds, you know, and that would be their companionship even in the grave in that time. Right so it's a very interesting way that the Prophet slice um, spoke about this. We look at the messenger sly sentiment, he experienced this loneliness and the most difficult time of his

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life.

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Now a dark color, bucola color, and the Lord of the Prophet Mohammed slicin them has not did not forsake Him, nor did he despise him and that is true also for our brothers and sisters that might feel in these times.

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forsaken, and left alone,

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that Allah subhanho wa Taala has not done so that Allah subhana wa tada has not forsaken you that Allah subhanaw taala has not left you alone. So I want to talk about a few tips and Charlottetown a few ways to approach this. And I pray that in Charlottetown, that they are helpful and beneficial and not tone deaf not dismissive, because I certainly don't want to perpetuate that pain, but a few things, you know, that that we could take, as benefit. Number one, generally speaking, flipping perspective,

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in a situation is a very powerful way of taking back control of that situation. And so flipping perspective and seeing loneliness as an opportunity, or being alone as an opportunity, not loneliness, but being alone as an opportunity to do things that perhaps others do not have the opportunity to do. And, you know, as an opportunity to, to build and to structure and to grow in ways that others cannot, is one way that a person can shift their perspective on it, that does not mean that you that we have to suggest in the process of that, that, you know, being alone is better than being with family or with community, there's no, there's no reason to suggest that at all. But

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to flip perspective, in any situation, is a means of empowering yourself in that situation, whatever that situation, maybe in our first webinar, where we had sisters, SATA, soltana, Sr najwa, our talking about from from a, you know, from from a mental health perspective and emotional health perspective, this idea of of taking control of your situation, it really does come to shifting perspective. And shifting perspective means that looking at this as an opportunity

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to do things and to connect in a way that others would not have, as opposed to merely magnifying the, the hardship, of loneliness, right. And so thinking about being alone as an opportunity, as opposed to loneliness, the hardship of loneliness, and magnifying the hardship of loneliness, that doesn't mean that we dismiss the idea that there is hardship and loneliness, there is hardship and loneliness, that's not an idea. That's a fact. But trying to shift perspective as much as possible and focusing on that a few other things that, you know, that a person could look into. And again, there's a community responsibility as well.

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Joining as many online classes or study groups as possible. And if those study groups are not there, then forming those study groups in Charlottetown, and trying to connect with others in the community, having a poor an help or having a group of people that meet and discuss things on a regular basis, thinking about ways that you can, you know, connect to some of these online classes, online programs, where we have classmates and things of that sort, if that's an option that's available to you to think about that as well how to connect in that regard.

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The next thing is, you know, what, what

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we learn is that when a person is alone, in particular, individual goals and structure become that much more important to power someone through that next phase. And so giving yourself structure and good buisiness within the day, right? So having, you know, the right time for exercise, knowing how your day is going to be structured, having goals that you set for yourself, that will give you a sense of satisfaction and purpose and benefit, right. So you've got you've got your memorization goals, you've got your worship goals, you've got your work goals, you've got your laser goals, you've got your exercise goals, you've got all of these goals, that you would that you would put

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there for yourself and you hone in on those goals as much as possible. And you set benchmarks and rewards for yourself as you're trying to meet those goals. That's one of the things that becomes especially important when a person doesn't have others around them to comfort them. The next thing is that what you'll find is that from a psychiatric perspective, and from a faith perspective, focusing on the needs and feelings of others allows you to be distracted from your own feelings in a healthy way. Right? So you're not supposed to ignore your own feelings and your own needs. But instead to focus on the needs and feelings of others is a means of finding your own value and your

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own purpose and your own place and at the same time becomes a means of fulfillment for us and this is true, whether a person is alone or not alone, that the more mercy you engage in with others, the more mercy you find from your Lord, the more love you show to others the more love you find from God, Lord, you gotta have momentum. armbian Himachal Memphis summer, show mercy to those on earth and the one in the heavens will show mercy

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To you, so thinking about how we can focus on the needs and feelings of others on serving those that are out there that are in similar situations or maybe even in worse situations, because their loneliness is further complicated by things like poverty, right, or whatever it may be. I mentioned a few of those situations in the beginning, how can we particularly take initiative for those people and perhaps and taking initiative, a person finds some sense of benefit and some sense of some sense of comfort for themselves by doing that. Volunteering, if you can, there are plenty of volunteer opportunities that are out there service opportunities that are out there, that require a lot more

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volunteers. And that's the best way to engage society is in the capacity of volunteering. Now, obviously, meeting standards of hygiene, you know, not not complicating the curve, making things worse, particularly in the midst of this pandemic, but thinking about how we can staff up, you know, places like the food banks, and some of these distribution points, if we, if we don't have immunity issues that allow us to do so. And so there, these are the types of things that you generally will find is how to make your your day more productive, more structured, to give yourself as much as possible in Charlottetown, to to do and then how to bring that same sense of pursuit of value and

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growth to society as well. And then the last thing, again, is that the greatest opportunity of being alone with your Lord is that it, it gives you a chance to to really, really enrich your job to enrich your supplication.

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At the end of the day, when we leave from this world, all of us are going to reside alone in our graves and all of us will stand before our Lord alone. Now, that does not mean that we are to try to create those conditions in this life.

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Instead, again, the burden is on the community that we need to reach out to one another and help one another. And so my plea to everyone is that if you if you're not alone, right now, think about those who are alone and reach out to them. my plea to those who are alone, and don't have people around them is to try to reach out, let people know that you you know that you're thinking about them, try your best to form what's not there, try your best to engage what already is there in a way that would help you fulfill those needs. And I just want everyone that has been watching these lectures and watching all of these reminders and reading these articles about family and making the best use

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of this time to know that you're not forgotten that the lack of time or to know that even if you know even if we have community wide failure in taking care of those that are in these situations that

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that you're in draws, and that,

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you know, this is at the end of the day, an unprecedented test and trial. And as it's an unprecedented test and trial for some it's a trial for those that were already in some sort of trial before that. And so I pray that Allah subhana wa tada I pray that God comfort you and allow us to come together to comfort one another. People are struggling in unique ways right now. And some people are struggling,

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alone, and some people are struggling around others. Some people are struggling in the midst of their abusers or stuck with their abusers right now, all of us as a community to do a better job and Charlotte to reach one another. And to try to create the systems that are missing and that we're already missing frankly, before we were quarantined in our homes. We already had a lot of people that were struggling, that even if they were coming to our massages before they were locked, we're invisible. And we need to think about those people that were invisible and that were in these situations. Before the masjid doors were locked. To some people the message doors were already

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locked. To some people they were able to you know, they came to the Muslim left and no one saw them. No one spoke to them. Some people never came back to the messenger than weren't noticed and not coming back to the masjid. We need to be thinking about that very deeply. And as we're thinking about getting back to the massages and getting back to the houses of a lot, how do we make sure that those houses of God become houses for all of those brothers and sisters that have not found a home they're not because of some some deficiency on the part of the Almighty but because of the deficiency within us. So I don't know if this message is helpful at all. And I don't know if it

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benefits anyone at all. I just want everyone to know that. You know, we're thinking about everyone, no matter what situation they're in, and inshallah tada we can all do a better job of reaching out to each other. So I pray that Allah subhanaw taala allow all of us to make the most of our opportunities that are ahead of us to find benefits in our

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unique circumstances and to find his special reward and pleasure, no matter what has been put in front of us and to activate us towards one another and Charlottetown to do good, I pray that Allah subhanaw taala forgive us for our shortcomings in our duties to him and our shortcomings to our fellow brothers and sisters, whoever they are in whatever situation they're in. There's a lot of hate on Thank you all very much. Salaam Alaikum

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Peace be with you.