Domestic Violence – What can we do about it – VRIC Conversations

Omar Suleiman


Channel: Omar Suleiman

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AI: Summary © The speakers discuss the issue of domestic violence and the need for acceptance of the topic. They emphasize the importance of bringing out the issue to the community and not just highlighting the "slack society" of domestic violence. The speakers also discuss the use of the Prophet's words in the context of domestic violence, including the use of "naught" and "naughty," and stress the importance of privacy and protecting privacy. The speakers stress the need for specific language and practice to avoid confusion and privacy concerns, and urge immediate help for domestic violence.
Transcript ©
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Mila's panels that make this implicit gathering European Parliament, the last panel of Baraka in this gathering. But let me ask Allah gel to fill, fill our hearts with love and mercy for one or the anatomy. We ask Allah subhana wa Taala to make our houses houses of baraka and mineralogy Allah.

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I'm very happy again to bring chef Omar Suleiman to this conversation for this very special presentation as we come into the month of October. Since it is the Domestic Violence Awareness Month, I thought it's very important that we bring this issue up to our community. I know it's a very sensitive subject. Now, so many people love to talk about it. It's very, very critical issue, obviously. And unfortunately, we as a, as a cultural traditional community, there was a lot of shame shroud on this, this this subject and that's why it's not very comfortable for people to talk about. So shame on myself, who said, You know what, we need to bring this out, we need to be able to get

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comfortable with that, because it is a problem that we need to face and we need to deal with insha Allah Baraka Wattana. Our purpose over here is not only to shame anybody with that, as much as we would like to extend a hand of support and shallow data for the victims of domestic violence, and the domestic abuse, we will want you to know that as a community, as Imams, as leaders of this community. And as also as parents, myself as a father, Jehovah as well. As husbands. We would like to make our statement very, very clear that we stand with the victims of domestic abuse and domestic violence. We do not accept that and we will not allow anyone to use our deen the Quran or the Sunnah

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of the Prophet SAW Allah sent by enemy to justify their misbehavior. So we want to make this very clear from the very beginning. And I'm sure Rama would like to add to it and shallot Avantika Wattana. Before we start talking about this, this issue on the subject, as Muslim community, how should we understand that and what can we do about it in sha Allah, Allah Allah,

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zakat Lakeisha.

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So actually, Subhan, Allah, I'll take this back to

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this this year would be the 15th year since I took up my first demand position.

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And I would say subhanallah, the number one issue that shook me, when I first took that position, was the issue of domestic violence. You know, when you first I think I'd like everyone to appreciate that your vantage point is always different based on your family circumstances, your community circumstances, your cultural background, all of that is going to make your vantage point very different, right, you're going to see things very differently. When it came to this issue in particular, you know, and hamdulillah I've written an article about this, I praise my father huffy the whole lot to Anna for how he treated my mother about Hema holla while she was sick for most of

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our childhood, I never saw except an exemplary husband and a father, honestly. So my, my standard of what a man is in the house was just up here. And that was what I was seeing. And I was I admired that and I looked up to a nice fire to it. And I'm still falling short, almost that 15 years of marriage, by the way, inshallah in February.

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But when I first took my position check, I was expecting, I had this agenda of what I'm going to talk to the community about. And that was, that was taken away from me in like the first month, by four cases, or three by women that were suffering, and one by a man that was suffering from domestic violence. So four cases in my first month like and you got to think about how traumatic that is for a person stepping into that position for the first time. Like, wait a minute, this is what's happening. Like, but I see this person in, I'm not pulling on your point this way. I see this person in the masjid. And so I know the finger doesn't fall on anybody. I see this person in the masjid I

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see this person here. It's like, How is this even the thing? How is this possible? And I think that we have to realize as a community that we are not more violent than any other community, the rates of domestic violence are not higher in the Muslim community than general society. However, they're also not in any way significantly lower. It exists in our community the same way that it exists in our broader society. So you have to just come to that realization, because a lot of people want to sort of fend off this idea that we're violent, and we're not a violent community. This isn't something that we are specifically geared towards, that plagues our community in a unique way.

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However, just as a plague society as a whole, it plagues the Muslim community. Now, I'll say shift that I appreciate chef now that you started off with sort of this unequivocal, like don't use our theme for this, don't you? You know, you're not following the Prophet Muhammad salallahu Salam, if you're doing any of this, if you're being violent towards your spouse, you're just not there is absolutely I mean, you listen to the words of it. So will the Aloha and where she says, It's Pamela that you know, when you say he couldn't hurt a fly, the prophets like summon his perfection, Mount Laurel mache in via the pot. He never hit anything with his hand.

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until the lights on him except Jihad visa he did that like when he was in battle and that was the perfection of the prophets lie Saddam was that when he was in battle with the Prophet slicin Was that warrior that you would hide behind in the battlefield but Subhan Allah, the you know, the fact that she's saying the prophets lie some, not only did he never extend his hand forward to hit a spouse, not even a child, not even a servant nothing like and you think about how the justifications that people make for falling into this is what I was stressed out.

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I'm stressed out it was it was a stressful situation I lost my cool and then you look at the profit sign someone's general being and how the messenger SallAllahu sallam was able to control himself.

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And this is what I want us to come away with two things constructively. Number one, change the culture around the discussion in our community. That is not acceptable. And even, you know, the most educated people and you know, people that are regular in the masjid somehow, you know, will shame their family members. If they're being if they're victims of violence and tell them you know, have suburb stay there. It's okay, forgive overlooked. Don't tell anybody don't bring shame. You don't. That's not the culture that the Prophet SAW Selim gave us. You know, there was the woman that came to the Prophet slice LM that complained about about her husband hitting her and also lost my son and

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did not say, Well, did he leave a mark?

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The prophets lie Selim did not ask her to the extent of the prophets lie Selim said Go back and tell him you're under the protection of Russell 177. And three times until the prophets lie some may do against the man because he insisted on hurting his wife. In the NASA era with one cup lie you are your own OSHA Kenya, among Allah be upon me, the prophets lie, some set of people see evil, and they don't do anything about it, then the entire community is going to be consumed by that evil. And that's where when you become the father of a daughter, this, it changes for you, right? Like if you're raising a daughter, if you're a man, and it's like, okay, you know, this unchecked evil

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cannot, cannot be unchecked much longer, or else it will consume every household and it perpetuates that violence. And we can't let it go on the individual level chef has to tell people, obviously, look, we're in high stress situations, just like with anything else, this is ultimately an act of shape on it is an act of shape on because what is violence come out of a law. And isn't that what the prophets lie some inside the vault of anger now called unchecked anger is, it's the fire of shape on why because Shavon literally can get you to act out of character, you can move out of the way in the shape on takes over, you start saying things you don't say you start screaming, you start

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yelling, you go into fits of rage, the shape on loves when you are a person who submits yourself to anger because when you submit yourself to anger, then you do regrettable things, as I did all the allotted time when he said that the first of it is craziness, and the end of it is regret, you know what it will generate a whole nother a person, what did I do? What did I say. And so just like any other trick of shape on not to tell you how to water shape on don't follow the footsteps of shape on once you got once you've done this, once you've pushed, once you've, you know, done once, once your hands start to get a little free once your tongue becomes verbally abusive, because there are

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different ways once you start to get to there, you really, really, really need to like take a step back, whoa, that's not this is not okay, this is not an acceptable place for me to be stop yourself, you know, and adopt the ways that the prophets lie some and get help, the most brave thing that I ever saw.

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And so this was month number two of

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33 women that were being abused one, one man that was being abused. And then this this brother that came to me, week five or six of me being anywhere and he said to me, he said that I lost my temper with my wife and I said things that I typically would never say I'm coming to you to help me control my anger. Give me some tips, what I'm seeking help, I haven't had the last step into domestic violence, I'm seeking help as to how I can stop myself. Before I go to the next level, because I saw something of myself that was very dangerous. I didn't recognize myself in that regard, which brings us probably maybe to a very critical point is even to define what domestic violence is. So according

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to the domestic violence, National Domestic Violence

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website, talk about the definition of it. It's simply it's, it's a very obvious thing. It's a pattern of behavior. That's what it says it's a pattern, which means it's not one time thing. It's something systematic that happens in a relationship and particularly in an intimate relationship. And the purpose of that of that behavior is to maintain dominance and use it to maintain control. So sometimes becomes manipulative, you know, behavior. So whether it's verbal or physical, or in many, many different ways, but it has that kind of you know, background to it and

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I know that as I speak on the subject, and as we talk about the subject, I'm sure that a lot of brothers and sisters in Alaska, make it easy for them, whether they're here with us or even watching us live. But they're having flashbacks right now on those moments. And I want to also shift expand the discussion to, when we talk about domestic violence as well. It's much larger than, than just you know, husband and wife situation. Sometimes it's even the parents and their children, with the little kids. Now a lot of a lot of abuse happens, they're under the guise of what discipline? Well, I want to just raise my kids, I want to make sure that they're, you know, they're well, so there we

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go into, unfortunately, domestic abuse, as a result of that. Sometimes that abuse happens in the form of adult children against their elderly parents. And that happens as well, too. We get you know, calls and requests from parents do interference, like my son, my daughter is doing this dose, and during this dummy, and so on, so, and SubhanAllah. And there are different forms for it. And when it comes to also to,

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to abuse as well, it could happen, you know, from the lady against your own husband, again, statistically speaking, as a matter of fact, it's almost say almost every, every minute, there's about 29 people will be subjected to abuse somewhere.

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And then one hour for women, they will be victims of domestic abuse, and one out of nine men probably also be victims of domestic abuse as well. Now, this is a national level. And for Muslims, for Muslim, unfortunately, we do not have accurate or precise statistics. Because it seems that when we when people call they don't identify themselves as Muslims, obviously, because that's irrelevant in that moment. This want to be safe. And that's why they just, they're part of the national statistics altogether. Do we have any specific within the Muslim community? I cannot tell. Yes, as an Imam, I get a lot of requests, people call people request, you know, counseling, and this and

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that, and so on. Alhamdulillah, Sharon, and Hamdulillah I have to admit, and I have to say, in my personal experience, I don't recall dealing, when it comes to the subject of domestic abuse that Hamdulillah I have not dealt with any case, in the sense that we did not need to report to the police, which means if it's something serious with comes to us, we report that to the authority. But most of the cases that comes just people you know, and they have some issues that they're struggling with the relationship and so on. But that is most what we get, but definitely definitely it happens. And when people go into serious domestic abuse, most likely unfortunately, they don't want to report

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that to the masjid.

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They don't want to come to the Imam again because of the culture of shame and the culture of it and so on. So they want to go somewhere else. So that if they can handle it, they can if not, then they will deal with it differently. So I wanted to make sure that we also understand all those brothers and sisters are silently suffering and going through difficulty to make sure that they have access to the National Domestic Violence Hotline, which is a very simple to memorize inshallah that's 18 101 800 799 safe. Again, that's one 800 799 safe. If anyone is going through any difficulties we urge you that you call and seek professional help inshallah Baraka with Allah for us here in the

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Dallas chemical Hamdulillah we have a lot of martial law professionals, licensed professionals and they all got together in one organization maps Again, that's maps You can check it out online inshallah Altana. And if you need any help, please make sure to seek that have been in Azusa shall not going back again to our our community. Obviously there are a lot of people might be saying But wait a second. I mean, you guys are tipped you know brushing off the iron Surah Nisa, the iron sword in a sandwich ALLAH SubhanA wa Tada says, What? ribuan right, which means the literal translation specifically, that's the physical discipline. And a lot of people they say but

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there it's there in the Quran. How should we understand that?

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So, first and foremost, the Quran is understood through the practice of the prophets like his the way the prophets like some explains and lives kind of follow COVID Quran his book, his character was the Quran.

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And I settled the ALLAH and he was the one who described him that way. The prophets I seldom reached a position of divorce would have settled the Levana right? Never struck a woman

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it's it's so you only find condemnations from the prophets like Selim of people that would, you know, beat and abuse their spouses and then you don't find that he in his personal practice, so then you say well, then, okay, there's a great area now, historical context, look, the idea of disciplining and, and what that would look like in different cultures and different traditions and different practices. You could you could do a survey of the

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last 1400 years and you could of course not just you know, exclusively look at the Muslim community in that regard. But what we're concerned about is what is the what is the practice that Allah subhanaw taala actually is calling us towards Sheikh Joe Bradford has a wonderful article on this verse. I don't remember the name of the article, but he wrote about, you know, the interpretation of this verse, of course, check with the doctor Heitzmann hedge, as well has an article on this. We have an article at European Institute five myths about women in Islamic law that kind of explains the verse and some of the things. So here's, here's where it gets to, right. You have like the

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interpretation that it's a striking example. Okay. That's a minority opinion. It's a recorded opinion. It's a minority opinion, right? And then you have most of what they talked about were the guardrails that were set which the profit sighs I'm talking about a person not leaving any type of actual harm, no bruising, no physical, nothing that would actually count as physical violence, like someone posted me. But even our boss or the Allahumma mentioned, like the extent to the maximum extent would be like a person taking a sea walk, and tapping, right? So it's more it's meant to be symbolic even than that interpretation, right? Has anyone ever come to you in your entire career?

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This is not a pre planned conversation, and said that my husband took a sea whack and taught me ever. No. So when people try to pull the Well, you said No, for me, it definitely never happened. Alright, people try to manipulate these things, these gray areas, right, And subhanAllah what they ended up doing is, you know, my answer to them always is not even the strictest interpretation would have allowed what you're doing nothing that you know nothing that you are doing. So Allah subhanaw taala certainly not calling people to domestic violence. If that was the case, you wouldn't find only injunctions from the messengers on the southern warning against it. And the prophets lie some

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in his practice himself, even getting to a position of divorce, I mean, sloth was set up, never doing anything that would that would fall anywhere within the realm of domestic violence as a matter of fact, even after the revelation of this idea when people misunderstood the meaning and the product of liberty in that and when they complained to the Prophet Salah Salem. So the Prophet made a very very serious kind of like, comment on it fought against these men, because lay so likable here, these are not good men.

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They're not good men. Like if he's gonna He's gonna resort to that level. What kind of man is that? And he Rasulullah is awesome is the example of the application of the Quran. The Quran has Aisha Dylon, she describes what Allah Subhana Allah called Quran and when we see the hook of Rasulullah sallallahu sallam, he made another activity statement about how you should be treating your wife, he says, hydrocodone, hydrocodone, hydrocodone, they are the best among you all the best of their families and I am the best in my family, in which the Prophet saw Sam says that look at my example. You will find the best example the example of Sorolla is sallallahu alayhi wasallam. Shall I need to

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comment on one Hadith that many people I heard some people actually use in this hadith. Unfortunately, kind of like manipulating the meaning of the words and the context of the Hadith saying the Prophet Salah Salem, he did actually use his hand one time. And that hadith is a halogen. So Bukhari, in which I showed the Allah Ana she's described the Prophet sallallahu wasallam. At one night, she wants you when you are sleeping in her bed.

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So she was gonna like the Prophet kind of like, looked at her, and he thought she was already sleeping. So he got up, put his clothes on, and he left in the middle of the night. Now anyway, I've seen her husband doing that, oh, she is going to expect

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nothing good problem. And for Ayesha Delana stop for Allah because he's Rasul Allah Azza wa sallam, the only thing came to her mind was he's going to another wife.

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So what she did, she put her clothes on, and she goes after him in the middle of the night. So she kept going to hide them from one corner to the other one until she realized the Prophet Salah Salem was heading toward the cemetery. And he raises his hand and he made dua for the disease. He made dua for them. And then he put his hands down, turn around, and heads back again to his house SallAllahu Sallam Isha seen the Prophet coming straight towards her, she freaked out. So she turns around and she started going quickly. back to her house, the prophets of Allah Salah he noticed that the shadow is moving environment. So he started pacing faster. She heard him coming closer to start running. By

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the time the Prophet SAW semi arrived into the house and he enters the house, he finds it standing in the middle, she's catching her breath.

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And he goes, was that you?

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That that was you? So now in that moment, obviously, what do you expect would have in between husband wife? So the prophets of Allah Salam, he felt so disappointed like he knew what was going on? He's like, really? Seriously? What were you thinking? What were you thinking I'm gonna be doing so he

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was so disappointed with her. And of course, actually because she felt that she met she did wrong to the Prophet Salah Salem in that moment. So she wanted to immediately break that ice by giving them a hug, because she knows how much he loved him Salah Sana. So as she was going towards him to give him a hug, Rasul Allah is so so he puts his hand in between, like, he puts his hand like no.

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So as she was coming, of course, she's rushing, and he puts his hand so she hit his hand. And people say that you know what he heard her? Know he did it. She pumped into his hand as he was supposed to know. Like, no, I'm not ready. Why are you doing this to me basically. And obviously, I shall be loved and have actually kept remembering that she goes as if she feels so guilty because I still feel it in my in my in my chest. Like I still feel it. Like the guilt that she felt for even even assuming or suspecting that Rasulullah saw Sam would be in this position. Now of course, that was I shall go on saying the Prophet Salah Salem in the context of what happened. So never ever that is

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the prophet Salah Salem, he actually hit Earth in other words, the villa. It's the opposite highly competitive area. And we know that how the Prophet SAW Selim passed away, he will be passed away on the chest of it shall be allowed to run our da and she was in that moment, say that I'm so proud. The last thing he entered that into his mouth and his stomach was my saliva. And she was so proud. He died between her chin and her chest. So the allotter Anna, what a loving, warm, loving, of course relationship. Now, again, I don't want anyone to use this hadith to say, Well, you see, teach my wife not to suspect me. No, you're not Rasulullah sallallahu I'm not gonna say that. So I don't know

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what your businesses but definitely, we can't use any of these examples to justify misbehavior. One last thing I wanted to mention about it, is that honestly, when people misbehave and unfortunate they use force or violence to in the form, or at least under the disguise with discipline.

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I don't think anyone would use the IRA as a justification for what they do. Instead, it becomes an afterthought. Like they lose their mind. And then later on, they want to convince themselves I didn't do anything. No, they say, well, it's in the Quran.

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That's how the Quran is used, unfortunately,

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I just wanted to comment on actually shifts in men are the males parents are free him, I remember he talked about this evidence, the usage of this, this narration from it shall not be alone. I know some of the prophets lie. Some did this or whether the prophets I seldom was, you know, was was, was doing this. The point being who was the one that married it, the Mahabharata was che Nbd, he thought he never hit anything with his hand, I shall have the law on her. So clearly what she experienced in that moment by her classification, she would not have counted as little right, as any type of hitting. But the other thing check to the to the, to this point that you just mentioned the last

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point, I'm gonna say this, especially because yes, look, when when, when a husband and wife go through, when they get to that point, and especially when they're splitting

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when you use the dean, to then justify your satanic behavior rather than your prophetic behavior following the prophets license example. You're gonna make that other person hate the dean and your kids if there are kids involved. I've seen that so many times, like you talk about unintended consequences like you treated your spouse, like trash nice. The dean, Allah gave me justification, how hard it is for a kid to then grow up. Be like my dean teaches me this and teaches me that no, because ultimately, people experience it first and foremost through the way their parents acted. So be very careful with using the dean to justify your bad behavior rather than rectified. I hate I

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absolutely hate when the Dean becomes a chess piece an afterthought like you said, it's apparently you weren't thinking about a Quran or sin all the way until you messed up. And then you tried to bring the Quran into it and say this this gave me a justification No, no, no, you should have been thinking about all those ads woman it and follow up other common and physical as well. You forgot that at the at the wedding. Right? Well, Jared had been in a coma what the Tijuana what you forgot it on your wedding card, like you left all that and all the Hadith about how still so the nissaki, Hydra, treat your women well. And then you brought it now to say, Well, the short answer is I could

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have done this, you're going to make that person hate the dean. And if there are kids involved, they will resent you and they will resent the dean. They'll say Dean turned my father or my mother into a monster. And that's very hard to recover. Man Subhanallah there are some other people they like to use. This is certainly sad to justify their again their misbehavior. But the love is in the Quran as well to speak in favor of taking care of each other and treat each other well, especially men to the women one. Allah Subhana Allah says, well, I shouldn't I will Morrow, treat them kindly. Were encouraged to move on. You might dislike them. This is why Santa crochet wa Jalla halen cathedra you

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might dislike something but then Allah will put so much hard for you in there. And he says well at alguna

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Do not abuse them. Clearly the idea is so clearly taboo and other is basically is actually is abuse. And here's something interesting about the word other in the Arabic language Subhanallah, those who may not be well experienced with the Arabic language, they might not know the difference between these two words or the other. Have you guys noticed a difference?

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I hadn't either. Anyone knows the difference in those already experienced, they might not tell the difference. But as in a novel, the two words, the only difference is the middle letter. The first one I did is I am done lamb, which means justice. And other, I am bought lamb. That's actually the opposite of justice. And in this it means injustice and abuse, and SubhanAllah. It's so ironic that I did another they sound exactly the same, because this is exactly what happens when people try to justify justice for themselves. But they'll be crossing the line into injustice.

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This is how thin the line between being fair and unfair.

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Be sometimes between being right and being wrong. And Allah's have used the word outgrow in relationship to dealing with women multiple times in the Quran, a constant reminder for men, to be careful that you ever tried to say looking for justice in the way you treat your family, because you're most likely going to be hitting the line of injustice without even noticing that. So that's something they're not regarding shift regarding the behavior pattern, of course of behavior that is used to control and manipulate one another in the form of course, domestic violence and abuse. Obviously, it's all about putting the person down. So a lot of it might be even to start verbal.

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Like for example, talking about their their image, their looks there families and intelligence that the performance this and that. And sometimes it gets even worse than that Pamela starts comparing them to other people and then they start getting even worse and that's spying on them and there is so many ways that people use to control others and all this behavior is clearly being condemned in the Quran in one single Surah Surah Surah when ALLAH SubhanA wa reminded us that last her common man Kong as a Coronavirus, minimum salmonicida You should not be ridiculing one another. He says Well, I'll tell you the full circle don't name call each other.

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As of Hannah bitset for Tsukuba Eman. Allah says this is just this is this obedience when you do that? And he wants to say, what are the justice in Nevada, Nathan, don't spy don't have assumptions. Let's have all these ayat. If we follow the example of the Quran, we will resolve a lot of the issues of domestic abuse in Panama. Yeah, and also just to keep in mind anything where Allah are the messengers on the lines, and I'm talking about the right hook and NAS, the rights of people upon you is compounded when it comes to your family. It's never not the right of the family. Any so all the answers Susan hoodrat that apply to society apply most to your family. Right. And that's something

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that I think a lot of us disconnect. And I'll say one last thing here. I mean, and there's also by the way it led to don't be little her, Don't humiliate her, do you get to that point where you're humiliating your spouse, that's a very dangerous, that's a very dangerous line that's been crossed, right? Humiliate spying, as you mentioned, right. Like when there is no trust in a relationship. That's the amount of anger and resentment that's going to build up when when people get to that point. And that's why I say don't lose, you know, be careful not to lose trust, because if you lose the trust of your spouse, it's very hard to recover that. So don't do anything that's going to make

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you lose that trust. Right. So paranoia, you know, control suspicion, all of these things don't allow for what Sakina they don't allow for any type of tranquility in the home. And last thing I'll say shift and this will kind of be

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my last comment on this because I think it's an important thing. What's the what's the most common injunction that we find in the Quran and the Sunnah of the Prophet sigh So when it comes to marriage, telkwa taqwa, fear Allah, Be conscious of Allah be mindful of Allah Subhana Allah to Allah to Allah Fini, cytochrome B fear a lot in regards to how you treat your spouses. And I say this over and over again that I have never seen anything where people fear Allah lesson than divorce.

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Like you want to know the true test of a person's character and their integrity. It shows a male protect us obviously, it's not something you want to get to. But it's a reality that happens sometimes. When divorce comes. It's like people forget their Islam, they leave it behind them. So if you talk about abuse, what about like, financial abuse, abuse with manipulation of children abuse? I mean, these are all forms of abuse, like the profit slice I'm talking about if you steal an amount of land and on the Day of Judgment, it will choke you to walk a hole Allah will choke you with that land on what if you're stealing from the parents of your children stealing from your spouse

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hurting them manipulating turning their children against them. It's awful. So fearing of loss,

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basically was just saying, it doesn't even stop a divorce. It's even after divorce post divorce, unfortunately, when sometimes keep harassing them because you know they're hurt me through the divorce process and they keep going after them. Like basically it's revenge alarms done how can we how can we deal with this? Yeah, I think again we change culture and generate taqwa in yourself, hold yourself to a higher standard, right? The entire the entire corpus of a hadith on the FAP on hypocrisy or what the people don't fear Allah, when they're in private and when they have power. They don't feel alone when they're in private. And they don't feel alone when they have power. So if

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they can take advantage of someone in a business contract, they will then they can take advantage of their family members and abuse their family members without anyone knowing or without facing any societal repercussions. They will and if they can commit the sin in private without anyone watching them, they will. So that's the whole corpus of a hadith about Nephi. It's living a lie. You know, every time Allah mentions hypocrisy in the Quran, Allah mentions what kept lying. It's one thing to speak lies. It's another thing to live a lie, that your whole life is a lie, right? You portray an image and then you act in complete contradiction to that when you have privacy or when you have

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power. And so if lost Taqwa sincerity, taqwa and also check it. And by the way, you know what it looks like in our in our community? When it's your when it's your brother, who's oppressing his wife, when it's your sister, who's oppressing her husband, when it's when it's your cousin, when it's your uncle, when it's your aunt, when it's your family, and you're the one taking your family member to task? You know, and that that's something where on sort of haka, badimo, alone, you know, help your brother with whether they're oppressed or oppressing, help them by stopping them from oppressing, sometimes parents with their children, righteous people, right religious people, you

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know, they got the whole look of Dean and my son is oppressing his wife, but I gotta protect my son, protect our image and take no no, if your son has a pressing your wife, you want your you don't you didn't raise your son to go to help. You didn't raise your son for him to end up meeting Allah subhanaw taala as a lot as an oppressor, stop your son from oppressing, stop your stop your own child, stop your brother, stop your sister. So that's when we start to change it when we take ourselves and our family. And we're members to task because the community should be the last layer of safety than community accountability is when all when all the other barriers private barrier and

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family barrier have failed, then the community mechanisms have to kick in. So you don't even want to let it get to that point and may last for hundreds and allow us to meet

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a lot. He has mentioned that a time of domestic strife and domestic issues it says caller

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that of haram. The circle of prohibition shrinks. What does that mean? What was once in a big circle of prohibition, meaning it's not acceptable. It's not allowed or at least it's inappropriate for me to do that. Now suddenly, everything shrinks and becomes out of that circle, which means it's okay to do because you know what, I have a reason to do that. And to your point, it's all about Taqwa. We are a community of faith, a German community that has a purpose and that purpose is to serve Allah subhanho wa Taala because one day, we are going to stand before Allah subhanaw taala the concept of Taqwa is in every aspect of our life. Allah Subhana Allah says in the Metacafe but Allah and Allah

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accept only from the righteous. The Quran Alif Lam me daddy Calcutta volare Buffy who didn't metopic This is the book there's no doubt in it. guidance to the most righteous to the MacDuffie and when it when it comes to getting married, Al Hassan Rahim Allah whatever the he said a man came to me says in the late in the evening, I have a daughter to go Should I give her a marriage? That is a witch. Doctor Lufia give her the one who fears Allah azza wa jal fell in a hole in in a half bath and a half bath a chroma if he loves her, he will honor her well and carry her let me live. And if he dislikes her, he will never be a presser it would never a person and in the course and this now

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worked up what comes in as the most important value for us in our relationships. Even in the course of divorce Allah subhanaw taala speaks about couples when they divorce and talk to Mona macabre intimate soon.

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What product from the Honda Florida furnace, uma ferrata if you divorce them, after you've already done the kneecap with them, but you did not consummate the marriage yet he says pinata and you decided to divorce them. He says conference format for autumn. You split the 5050 He says in the afternoon unless they forgive you and give everything back away if you're allowed to do that to Nikka the one who actually gave them the man says I don't want anything keep it in your hand. And then Allah subhanho says what it says called one tahu Taqwa if you forgive and forgive each other

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And that is closer to righteousness even in the in the course of divorce. Allah still says maintain righteousness, so as an ummah, SubhanAllah. If we can teach our children ourselves to be responsible, first and foremost before Allah azza wa jal not before our culture, our traditions, our family, you know, it's so sad because sometimes you have a lot of these issues happen because we have done a big wedding we paid big Maha and so there's so much expectation as a result and that's why the least mistake that could happen because of hammertone outburst out of proportion and jumped in domestic violence. That's one of the things that's how we deal with remind people to keep things

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according to the Quran and the Sunnah of the Prophet, Salah Salem righteous and Taqwa is the most important thing may Allah subhana wa Taala fill our hearts with Taqwa anatomy. Now we have few more minutes inshallah I wanted to open that discussion we know anyone has no question we can start in Alaska

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00:36:01--> 00:36:03

The pilot is like looking

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to do a job ignore ignore. If another person wants to fight something, say something that you just like just ignore the two people

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and the situation

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where it becomes violence

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so he's saying that one of the solutions for self service from that esteemed by Muhammad can handle Rahim Allah Tala who says, You know what, in someone goes in with you in this kind of argument, that might lead to domestic violence goes ignored or investigated, yeah, which means ignore them. But I want to correct the translations not actually ignore them. Ignore the ACT ignore the words, but not the person.

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Because ignoring the person can even result even worse situations. Usually, they're at the unit attend, they need attention, you shouldn't give that attention. So there's a beautiful Arabic statement it says a tug of war which is what you're referring to the VA for not ignore it, but allow for overlooking that's what it means is overlooking a dolphin fan on live casino allometry Fusa.

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Overlooking overlooking is an art that is only perfected by the Masters of happiness.

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You want to be happy, you're going to have to learn to let go.

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Because if you're going to be stopping and every little thing good luck, you know, find the time to sleep even at night. So that's going to be very hard for you to do that. So Zach Calaca for this thank you very much

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I was just

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wondering if this is one of the meanings

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00:38:17--> 00:38:20

Yes, so what you're what you're mentioning is correct. So most of the time,

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the word a lot about when it comes in the Quran is not speaking to hitting it speaking to striking an example or leaving, going somewhere, a lot of Allah, if Allah Allah subhanaw, Taala puts forth an example. Or Yeah, but he won't if at all, they they go out on a journey? The answer is yes, there is. I forget if it was it was Rahimullah to Anna or

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it's one of the aims. It was a at the end. But one of the two, there is an opinion that's traced that that's what it's speaking to. And it's an authentic opinions. My only point was that that opinion exists, it's there. But even take it to the other side. Let's say it doesn't even mean that we let's say we know what it doesn't mean, it doesn't mean domestic violence as defined in practice today, right in any way whatsoever. But could it mean that it could mean that Absolutely. No.

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Do you agree with that? I actually I do agree in the general meaning of the word itself. But honestly, we have to be also specific. We understand that in the context of the practice of the people who receive the revelation. And we've seen that other revelation. Unfortunately, it happened that people they use this for physical discipline for exam which were the prophets Allah sallam, he said lacewood likeable Fiat isn't a good people. And also another narration which is in the Sahaba behind as well to in which the prophets has not been hieromartyr which means the symbolic, striking, and that cannot be the meaning of leaving them away. So the word itself as it's in the eye, has the

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meaning of that a long time now. certain questions

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You're gonna have to speak up a little bit actually

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is that a treatment? Are you asking? Would you elaborate on different forms of violence? Is that the question?

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silent treatment is out

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are you?

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Are you

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when they're not talking? So

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silent treatment?

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Actually, here's the thing we've come to silent treatment, there is no doubt it happened even happen in the in the household of the most righteous Rasulullah sallallahu wasallam.

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So basically it is something happens between the husband wife, but to what extent it's a big difference, you know, using it. And that's the problem with silent treatment, silent treatment can be deafening, especially if it was used as a weapon.

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If you're going to be just going silent to misbehave, or make a statement like that, it can really be so loud, even though you're quiet, which is what you're referring to right now. But just husband wife being upset with each other. So they go quiet for a few days just to cool things down. There is nothing wrong with that. It even happened in the house of the Prophet sallallahu Sallam like when he heard the news, that the wives of the Prophet Salah Salem, they give him that the cold shoulder and the silent treatment. So are freaked out he goes to his daughter Hafsa. Because Is that true? You guys? Do you treat the professor's? I'm like this. She goes, yeah, sometimes we stay quiet all day

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until the night.

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She was saying it proudly opens like yeah, what do you think? Like he basically if he doesn't want to be on it, because sometimes they have certain demands, the promises of that can help you with it. Like for example, they need more money, right? So he says I can give you an extra I gave you an allowance. The idea is that so they give the profit even the silent treatment. Now, what are the promises and do How did he deal with them? Did he go the biller went crazy and violent and start hitting and this and that? Absolutely not? What did he do to often overlooking

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law he overlooked that this is like, that's fine. I understand. She's upset. She's not in the best mood, but he would never do anything. So what the law said I'm gonna allow you to go and fight back in that regard. Wala Anna, so when husband wife they took back to take it longer than it should be, then they have to, they have to fix the situation going quiet for too long is not healthy. As a matter of fact, from a, from a legal point of view, from my point of view, there are allowed let me put it this way, they are allowed to go up to four months,

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up to four months golden ILA like when a husband said you know what, I'm not gonna talk to you, I'm not gonna, you know, for four months now, this is basically is more like a husband wife in a very, very stressful situation. So it's like a measure an extreme measure, putting the relationship to the test, like to see how it's gonna look like. But Allah subhanaw measure that clearly. After the end of that term for four months, they have to make a decision, whether divorce will resume the relationship, and some of them might even they say the end of the term without reconciliation, is it an automatic divorce, because we cannot keep holding a relationship like this suspending a

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relationship for too long. Obviously, format is a is an extreme measure, no doubt about it. And proceed from the Sunnah of the Prophet sallallahu Sallam the maxim that he did sort of what the Lord said was actually 29 days or a month, and a very famous political ILA when he was pressured so much. Eventually, he gave us a law, he gave an oath, you know what I'm done with you for a month.

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So he physically took himself away, and he stayed and loved above the room of Aisha Delana. So actually, she knows when he's coming in coming up, she can finish you can feel him as you can hear him. But she's used his kindness and gentleness, but for that month, he did not show up Salah Salem in her place at all.

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And then 29 days later, towards the end of the lunar month, he comes down. Where do you think he's going to start? Which way? Which house is he going to be starting with? I says, house the most beloved to him. So when it goes to the House of Aisha after 29 days, giving her the silent treatment. Now what is the husband expect his wife to do in that in that time was a man

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that she was oh, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean it. Blah, blah. That's what most husband would think that she's going to do. So the one of the prophets or some entered the house, I she tells him, well, the mother is not over yet.

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Just like seriously, why don't you stay up there more. Now the professor doesn't get offended. His ego can come in the middle and makes a bigger problem as well. But what did he do? Too often?

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He overlooked and he said to

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You know, less than a month can be 29 days or 30 days like this month was 49. So let's get over

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my point is that Subhanallah we find troubles in the household of the Prophet sallallahu Sallam actually. So it's interesting that we're going to be talking about this in the women's

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program, especially next Wednesday, inshallah Allah, there are so many troubles in the household of the Prophet sallallahu wasallam. But that's for us to learn from it.

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He was a human being after all,

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so that no one can say, well, the prophet has a perfect marriage. Yes, he did. Because when things went wrong, they will fix them, he will fix it. So Allah has and that's how we make a perfect marriage. It's not like that's faultless or flawless. And I hope that people can understand that having issues in relationship does not warrant in any way anybody to go into domestic abuse, domestic violence, Maulana Chefman, any violence statement from him. Sorry, once.

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Does that well, Mueller here. Once again, I want to make sure that you guys understand the shout Allah that as a community, we do stand with the victims. And we urge everybody who is going through difficulty if you really in need of immediate help and assistance. It's not the time to call them as if you need to call shallow Dalada domestic violence, National Domestic Violence Hotline remember this number one 800 799 safe now let's patter protect you all and keep you all safe. As Salam aleikum wa rahmatullah wa barakato.