You Can’t Control Them
Channel: Nouman Ali Khan
File Size: 11.54MB
Allah azza wa jal taught our messenger are they subtle Salam, for the killer in Nama and Tomodachi bluster Allah, him the Messiah. Remind because all you are is someone who's meant to remind, your only job is to deliver something that will help people remember that's it, you are not in charge of them at all less than it can be more site and you're not in control over them site or an error because control. And the messenger is being told, no matter how much you remind them. You know, when you remind somebody or you give somebody advice, you're hoping they'll take your advice. It's it's logical, it's good for them, you mean it in good intention? Why wouldn't they listen to you? And
when you give somebody advice out of concern and love for them, and they don't listen to you, it's frustrating. Why aren't they listening? I mean, I told them, I even clarified to them why I'm telling them this, they know what's good for them, and they're still not listening to me. And it kind of a frustration and an anger builds inside you. And that frustration may be even it may not be because you're arrogant. Maybe it may not be because you want you know people to be under your command. But it may simply be because you want them to change for their own good. And that's what the Prophet wanted Salallahu Alaihe salam for his people. And yet they many of them wouldn't change.
You know, I'm reminded most powerfully of what happens at the passing of Abu Talib. Abu Talib is an uncle of the Prophet salallahu Alaihe Salam who's not like Abu Lahab. He's not like Abu Jamal, his other uncle's were adamantly against Islam. They insulted him, they attacked him, Abu Lahab was the most vicious of them. He even celebrated on the profits child passed away, next door neighbor celebrating that he heard that a baby just died. How sick is that? And that's his uncle, you know. And so he experienced incredible amounts of suffering at the hands of his family. But butala was a support of Motala, protecting the prophet or the subtle Saddam, he took charge of him. And he even
brought him back securely back into Makkah. So you know, there's so many things that are metallic did for you could say not just the prophet, but actually for Islam. But he didn't accept Islam. Until his dying breath, he wouldn't accept it. He was close, but he just couldn't get himself to do it. He just didn't take it. And that hurt the Prophet so much. salAllahu alayhi salam that someone who loves him not just someone who hates him, someone who loves him, someone who cares for him, someone he cares for also, like a father figure, and he just won't listen to the messenger SallAllahu Sonlight. Think about this for a moment. Nobody can give a better speech. And nobody can
make a better argument. And nobody can present something more lovingly. Then the Prophet himself sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, he is the best teacher for all of humanity. So Abu Talib had the best teacher with the best message and the best opportunity to learn this message. There was nothing missing. Everything that could be done was being done. And yet he's still not listening. And so this pain that maybe the Prophet saw is that you know, what, what did he do wrong? What did he what's missing? Why won't he just accept. And so Allah told the messenger SallAllahu wasallam, something very heavy that I want you to really think about today. And that's the words of Allah when Abu Talib
passed away in Nicoletta de manera bapta. When I can Allah Allah de Manya. Sha. You cannot use certainly are not the one who guides whoever you love. You're not in charge of guiding whoever you love now, I love my children.
You can love your spouse, you can love your parents. You can love your brother or your sister. We have love for family. The prophets lie Selim is love can never be compared. The kind of love He had the kind of hard we can never compare. And that love makes you want the best things for the person you love. Which is why the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam wants guidance for Abu Talib, that's the best thing you can have. The ultimate gift would be guidance. And Allah has given the ultimate gift of guidance to the messenger Salallahu Alaihe Salam, and his loving uncle didn't take it. He didn't take this profound gift. It's so painful. And Allah taught him a very heavy reality. And
through that painful experience of the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, he taught us a reality, you for sure are not the one who guides whoever you love. You know, every time we read about the Prophet, Solomon, something painful that he went through, you have to understand something. Allah put him through trials and difficult experiences, not because Allah wants him to go through difficult experiences. Allah loves him more than anyone else. These This is the most beloved creation of Allah. So you have to ask yourself, why is Allah putting His Messenger through these painful experiences, because he is rotten, will either mean because he's a mercy and a teacher and a
care and an act of love from Allah for all people forever to come. In other words, you and I are going to have people that we love. You and I are going to have people in our life that we want to see guided, that we want to see change, and we're not going to see them change no matter what we do. And it's going to be frustrating. What are we supposed to do? I've tried everything. I've tried speaking so
Hopefully, I've tried gently reminding, I've tried this. And I've tried that and I've tried the other nothing's working. I don't know what to do the they seem to be getting even further away. And it is in these moments that we have to remind ourselves of the exact same pain that the Prophet salallahu Alaihe Salam felt at people like his uncle and by the way, it's not even limited to his uncle and in the Arabic language and Nicoletta demon bapta. This is called Hola, hola, mera la it in grammar. So the expected languages in Nicoleta demon who there's a lumea expected but the there's a handful a handful Burmese is a pronoun missing. And what that does, is that the the idea is not even
limited to the uncle of the Prophet salallahu Alaihe. Salam, the ayah is actually open to His love for all people and all you know the entire Quran, all of humanity, the prophesy celebs burden was not just his family, the prophesy sons burden out of love for humanity was actually all of humanity, whoever would not listen, whoever would not listen, can you imagine the analogy he gave SallAllahu wasallam about his love for finding giving people guidance, he would compare himself to someone standing in front of a fire. And these inks, insects and these moths, you know, they get attracted to the light and they fly right into the fire. And he's trying to shoo them away. You know, like
literally like you get those zappers, bugs, diapers and stuff in homes that attract bugs, because of the light, you know, that and he's trying to get them away from there, you're going to kill yourself, you're attracted to something that's going to destroy you, and he's trying to push them away. That's the incredible love of Rasulullah sallallahu wasallam. And yet Allah told him, actually, your only job is to remind people, your only job is to deliver a message in a loving, caring way. But what they do from there on but in Santa Ana and FC Heba, Sierra, welcome era, a person has to be in full view of their own self, everybody is responsible for themselves. You know,
when I travel, and I, you know, sometimes people see me at a restaurant or recognize me, and then after wanting a selfie, they want to have a conversation, or whatever, and we sit down and have a chat. And when we have a chat, a lot of times, it's about their family. Here, this is my daughter. And you know, she used to pray. She used to pray every single day. And until she was 1213 years old, I made sure she prayed on our prayers. And then by times, she got a teen she went to college. And now I don't know if she prays anymore. What can you tell her? Tell her something that can translate. So and she and the daughter sitting next to her rolling her eyes, like oh, God, here we go again,
you know, you've been put on the spot. So first of all, I apologize to the daughter, sorry. And she even tells me the mom even tells me I sent her all your videos.
And so I'm sorry that she sends you my videos. First of all, let's let me apologize about that. But after that, the thing is that we have to understand something. Allah Who controls we believe ALLAH controls every leaf on every tree. We control Allah controls every movement of every honeybee. Allah Who controls every step that every n takes. And I asked Do you believe in this control that Allah has? Yeah, I do that why do you think you can control your child who's in charge? Who's going to control the outcome for our kids, what they are going to do and what they're not going to do? Once they become adults. Then their choices are theirs to make. We have to understand our only job can be
to remind but that even that so gently, you know, and some some parents or some it's not just about parents, it could be siblings or spouses whoever else. We start thinking No, no, that's all I do is just remind but yeah, nagging is not the same as reminding sarcasm is not the same as reminding criticizing someone or making someone feel like scum is not the same as reminding embarrassing someone is not the same as reminding. Oh, you didn't pray? Did you?
Know No, but I remind I remind very gently How do you remind you know, you're just going to burn in hell if you keep this is not the way you remind someone.
This is not the way you'd be if you're hoping they dressed the way you'd like them to. That they behave the way you'd like them to. They pray that we Ananda ask a hard question to people who want to do that. I just wish my son would pray and your son comes over to the house to visit he works in some different city. He comes to visit you and when he visits you, you say Pray, pray, pray and then he prays fine. And when he prays Why did he pray? It mean if he was gonna verbalize his intentions? They're not going to be I'm about to pray the Lord Allah for Allah subhanho wa Taala he's gonna say I'm gonna pray for record because my mother won't leave me alone. Allahu Akbar.
Those intentions are not for Allah anymore. That he didn't do that for Allah. So what good is it in number that Mr. Lube in the yard? Actions are only good if their intentions are right. Doesn't everybody know that? So if we're trying to control what somebody else does, and now they're doing it because we wanted them to do it, and we forced them to do it, or We pressured them to do it, or we nag them into doing it, then they're doing it for the wrong reasons, which makes it completely worthless. It's utterly worthless, and soul here. What the messenger is being taught is a profound heavy truth. We are not in control. We're not in charge.
urge. We cannot control any other human being and what they do. No one No matter how much we love them, no matter how much we think we're responsible for them, and that's the next thing. Parents feel like they're responsible. A spouse might feel like they're responsible, an older brother or a sister might feel like they're responsible. But I'm responsible mice, my brother and my younger brother is drifting away. He's doing bad stuff, I need to stop him, I'm responsible for him. A father might feel responsible, or mother might feel responsible. The thing is, nobody's ever going to feel more responsible than Rasulullah sallallahu sallam, nobody, nobody will ever have more of a
sense of responsibility. And he did feel the burden the pain of people not listening of people drifting away, he did feel that pain, and yet Allah told him, there's a reality that even if it's in your mind, your heart forgets it. And your heart needs to remember that you cannot guide whoever you love. And when you see the one you love going in harm's way. If you saw your child, you know going towards a swimming pool and they don't know how to swim. If you saw somebody heading towards a car crash, if you saw, if you saw that you'd want to stop them, that's what naturally we want. That's a protective, you know, sense sense that Allah put inside all human beings, we want to protect those
that we love. But we have to do it after understanding that when it comes to guidance, when it comes to changing somebody's behavior, that we have to follow the model given to our messenger sallallahu alayhi wa sallam and he's being told your only job is to remind you are not in control, less than they can be Messiter, you are not in control over them at all.
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