When Muslims Work Together 7 – Questions Answers

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Nouman Ali Khan

Channel: Nouman Ali Khan

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Episode Notes

Ustadh Nouman Ali Khan opens the floor for an explicit and informative Q & A session and the answers are truly mesmerizing.

Some of the questions posed are as follows:

  • What is your opinion about working with the Tablighi Jamaat?
  • How do I balance keeping my followers/students disciplined while applying all the nice leadership you gave?
  • What is the best way to talk to or advise someone who may take your words as an attack on his beliefs and ways? Is dua the best option than to help them out?
  • How would you deal with a shura person who does nothing you ask him to do?
  •  How do you establish a leadership-volunteer relationship with a friend who may not take you seriously?
  •  Can I just serve my parents and spend a life in solitary affairs with just my immediate family and relatives?
  • How can I learn the Quran easily?
  • When we serve a community at large for the sake of Allah;  how to have a lot of sabr to graduate to the next level? Individually how can we have focus and develop our deen especially seeing that we are struggling with our work-life balance?
  • If you know your family is doing something wrong, how important is it to say the truth or should you keep your silence for the sake of family?
  • What is your opinion about sisters sharing their knowledge in the masjid vicinity, giving a talk like todays? Can women take a lead in doing work for the sake of Allah and not be prevented from that?
  • What about Muslim women speaking in terms of lowering he gaze? Isn’t s sort of putting herself in front of men to look at?

Listen intently to educate oneself appropriately in matters of able and just leadership skills.

Episode Transcript

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Yeah,

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my opinion on the matter is, first of all, I respect all organizations and movements and efforts and including the village about to have tremendous respect for them, at the same time believe that going in the path of Allah takes many different shapes and forms. And that's one of them. And the point of today's entire endeavor was to encourage Muslim youth to be involved in at least something,

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at least something and that was the beginning. I don't know what time you joined the session, but the early conversation was at least the deen requires us for us to be involved in something more than just you know ourselves to be concerned with others. So inshallah Tada. And however we that benefits, I would highly encourage you to get involved, I got a whole bunch of text messages, I'm gonna start reading them, how do I balance keeping my followers students disciplined and applying all the nice leadership advice you gave? Does your advice apply in the teacher student role, as well as just in the leader follower role, in some of my advice is, or some of the advice I shared with

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you guys from the thing is universal and it can apply to the teacher student relationship, but some of it doesn't.

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So that's kind of probably a long session and what does and what doesn't apply. But especially the leadership advice for you, as a teacher does apply. Meaning the ability to be patient with teach with students and working with them and finding the balance between courtesy and authority, because a leader at the end is an authority Yes, that he or she has to exercise authority, but to do so in a way that doesn't feel authoritative. Actually, even the word Amit is very wise. In the Arabic language, there's there are two words actually someone who has authority over you over you can be Ahmed,

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there's three words are with Amar and Emil Ahmed is someone who's commanding you. Amar is someone who keeps telling you what to do. Amit is someone who doesn't have to tell you what to do, and you follow him anyway.

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The command authority, it's some sci fi, which doesn't act out, it's not any some funny, what that suggests is, they're in that position of authority, and they don't even have to open their mouth for people to obey them. That's what an immediate is. So by definition, in the in the language sense, the word amused suggests that you don't give a lot of instructions, they're just followed anyway, that's the quality of a good leader. You know, he doesn't have to tell so much what people should do. Because out of respect for that leadership, they do it anyway. So that developing that relationship of respect takes time. And that's a balance between, you know, not becoming too chummy

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and too friendly with students, and at the same time, not becoming too harsh with them either. And finding a very thin line in between those two, when giving someone genuine advice, to make them walk away from harm or introducing Islam to them or just doing or just to correct their wrongdoing. They often have their own beliefs or morals and see you as attacking them, they won't listen to what you have to say even if you are sincere is the best option then to help them out. Because then you feel you're not helping them. And also you feel sorry for them, Look telling somebody about what wrong they're doing. You have to be, especially in family, you have to be direct, you have to be you can't

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beat around the bush, but you have to be subtle at the same time. You have to find tact. And at the end of the day, truth hurts, and people are going to be offended. I mean, there's no way around that one, the prophet SAW that there's not going to be a nicer human being on the face of this earth. And his family was extremely offended by Islam. So sorry, that just comes with telling the truth people are people's feelings are hurt. And they they say things, and they're offended by what you have to say. But you have to maintain a respectful posture. And you shouldn't, you know, say those kinds of things over advice over and over again, you should find a good time to say it, it works out it works

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on it doesn't work out, just let it go. You don't know when you say something to somebody, maybe they don't respond to you right away, or they respond negatively right away. But the words stick in their mind. And it takes them a year, six months, whatever. And then those same words that you said to them clicked. It just it works. Every works. Everybody works on their own clock, you know, so you just do whatever best you can. And don't worry about changing people because that comes from a large religion.

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Well, that's a lot of text messages. Guys, stop it.

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What advice would you give MSA leaders who are facing bad najwa in their shooter are facing different opinions? How would you deal with a shooter a person who does nothing you asked him to do? How do you establish a leadership volunteer relationship with a friend who may not take you seriously?

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As a lot of questions in one line? Well, how can you How can we balance mixed gender MSA without compromising our modesty and not be shameless? can I serve my parents and spend my life in solitary affairs with Justin

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Okay, that's okay. I'm gonna stop there. Okay. All right, so.

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So what advice would you give MSA leaders who are facing batura? Listen to this series.

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Hopefully that'll help a little.

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Other than that, you can't really do much but be patient. Because when these kinds of problems exist, you just kind of have to work through them.

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And, you know, if you tried to give advice that this is not what I heard a lecture that this is najwa, and people have najwa, solomo Jaga burn in hell. If you do that, then probably your MSA, President days are limited.

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My advice would just be that's kind of why I did it also. So that if people give each other these advices, then it becomes personal. But I'm not in any Shura. I'm on the outside. So hopefully, it's impersonal. And if not, if this one guy says to the other, hey, you need to listen to this. That's also a personal attack. It needs to be like Everybody listen to this, okay? We're all going to listen to this. So you have to D personalize it. Because, you know, criticisms, in organizational situations can become personal very, very quickly, and things get ugly. Now, how do you establish a volunteer relationship with a friend you do not, that just doesn't work. The Prophet size of them

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was best friends with a mobile minister declared the Allahu anhu. And all of a sudden it became a leader follower relationship, you know how that happened, because he's the Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam. Other than that, it's very difficult for a friend to be taken as an authority figure, and just, it just doesn't work. It doesn't work. So you want to work with them? Fine. You want to work side by side with them fine. And if they're your friend, just give them very little or nothing.

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Don't give them word because it'll ruin either the organization or your friendship, but nothing good will come from it. Because it's it's just those things don't mix very well. Just like you can't have like, you can't be the younger brother and you're the MSA president on your older brothers, like the secretary doesn't work, you're going to get you get slapped around at home by him. And then you're going to tell him to, you know, order the food or something is not going to happen. Okay, the mixed gender MSA thing, I am going to do a whole thing on this one. I'm going to do a whole program called shame.

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Just on this just on first of all, how to squat and talk about shame. And where is it compromised for Muslim youth

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that are religious and that are not religious. There's two kinds of Muslim youth right. So I want to try to address both of them. And inshallah, tada, maybe offer some chronic advice about these kinds of situations. More often than not, these are moral stances, then fatwas, if you understand the moral guidelines, and you can stick to them, you'll be fine. And if you don't understand them, you'll have problems. And here's just one moral guideline that I'm going to be sharing in the future, I'll just give it to you. Now, if you're standing there talking to some guy, sister if you're talking to some dude on campus, and somebody from a distance can get the wrong idea. Like if

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your father was watching from 100 feet away, and he would like be like, What's going on over there, or your brother would get the wrong idea or your husband would get the wrong idea, then you probably should not be in that situation.

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Okay, if it can be misinterpreted, then you shouldn't be in that situation. So that's kind of a litmus test sort of thing. As far as conversations are concerned, if you're completely comfortable having a conversation with a non Muslim, in the same exact way, if your father was standing there,

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and your your tone wouldn't be any different, your body language wouldn't be any different. The words you use would be no different than go ahead.

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But if you think that if your dad was standing there, or your husband was standing there, or your brother was standing there, or your grandpa was standing there or let's just say what if I was standing there

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okay, I'm grandpa me, you know, so.

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And your, your, your tone, your your, the way you carry yourself, your instructions would be impacted even a little bit, then probably you should not be in that conversation. These are good easy litmus tests. They're not a fatwa. They're just litmus test. Care, you know? Because if you think it's not, I'm not doing anything wrong, then why are you changing your behavior? If your dad's there? If it's not wrong, why are you so ashamed of it? Why are you so shocked by it? You see, so your internal inner conscience is telling you there's something up

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but I won't go further in that one. that's a that's a big one though. I do respect that it's a big problem. Can I just serve my parents and spend a life in solitary affairs with just immediate family Not to mention maintain the relations and roles in dunya? Sure, why not?

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Well, that's that's that's good. If you want to just work on your family, that's work. That's enough work if that's keeping your hands folded, yeah, don't volunteer the machine just do that. Can I learn called on easy?

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Yes.

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How can I, uh, sorry, how can

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I gave a talk about this yesterday at Plato, and hopefully it'll be up on YouTube. It's called

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the importance of learning put on, but I actually talked about how to study Hold on. That's what I spent my time doing. And I tried to give a roadmap for how Muslims can study the art effectively, like, milestones and roadmaps and how we can all be educated in the horizon in a good way. In shallow tunnels, hopefully you can benefit from that.

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As a leader, how do you overcome the stress of your responsibility in order to lead and organize your organization, video games.

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When I get overstressed

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I play video games, then I play with my children, and I sleep, I wake up and I can deal with it again. We're all human beings, we need to release. If it's basketball, if you want to, like get a punching bag at home.

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For some people that are very spiritual, try lane. Those are great. But if you're not into that sort of thing, chances are you're not I don't know, you, then find some healthy release.

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You know, and don't don't overthink it. Don't overthink it, we should be concerned about our role, but we shouldn't be paralyzed by it. We shouldn't be paralyzed by it, we need this life is about moving on. Life is not about you know, everybody's got problems. And every, you know, we all have a to do list, right? If I just if you took out a piece of paper right now made a list of things you have to get done, it will probably be a pretty long list. And if you started thinking about getting all of those things done, you'd realize I can't get anything done.

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There's so much I haven't gotten done. If you made a list of things that you wanted to learn that you haven't learned, right? You'd be depressed, like I haven't gotten anywhere. So you just have to take one day at a time one problem at a time and not look at the whole thing. What are the what advice did they give his kids kids that are memorizing Quran, you know, they just started out they start with like JSON, and they do two pages and they hold the two pages together like this. Then they hold the rest of them was half

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like this.

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And they go

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Don't worry about what's what you haven't done, worry about what you have done. Don't worry about the next page. That's it. Worry about the task at hand hold the battlefield, like I said, otherwise, you'll get overwhelmed and you won't be able to carry on.

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When we serve our community at large for the sake of Allah how to have a lot of summer to graduate to the next level individually. How can we develop focus and value our Deen especially seeing that we are struggling with work life balance? I personally believe balance in the life of a Muslim comes from a familiarity and a regular study of the Quran. That's what I personally believe. I personally believe that Quranic studies isn't just an academic exercise, it's the exercise of balance. This book balances all of our priorities. It doesn't let you forget your obligations to your family doesn't let you forget your obligations to Allah and to your community. And it keeps you spiritually

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in check. And I feel that one of the biggest crises of the Muslim Ummah is that we as a people are distant from the Quran, we don't have a personal relationship with the Quran. That's why the talk I gave it yesterday, I feel is very important. I really usually don't think my talks are important, but I feel that one was, I honestly, I feel that one was for a gift because I gave it with my own kids in mind, how am I going to educate my own children in the Quran? Which means how will they have a personal, deep connection with Quran? How are they going to do that? That's what inspired that lecture.

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If you know you're right, but you will keep it quiet. And you spelled it quite for keeping the family together. How important is it to say what is right? Or you should keep your silence for the better of the family. There is no such thing as keeping the family together by not speaking the truth. There's no such thing. That's a myth. That's what somebody in the family told you don't say anything if you want to keep the family together. And that's in your head. actually speaking, the truth is not going to destroy your family. It's just going to be unless it's like a really, like traumatic secret that the families holding then see a counselor then don't take my advice. But if

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it's just you know, your dad's into like a heroin business or something and you haven't said anything and you just dad is not a little harangue, just slip it in there, get yelled at, but say, say at least it's off your chest, get yelled at six months later again and bring it up again. That is not a little kind of messed up. That we're we've got a lot of machine at the gas station. Isn't that kind of little problematic. I mean, I feel bad about it. You know, we're eating Hello chicken from foreign money.

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So,

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you know, slip it in, get yelled at and slip it in again. Don't argue

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about it with your parents, you should speak the truth and then take a beating and then speak the truth and take a beating again. That's the formula. Okay, but you don't not speak the truth.

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What is your opinion on sisters sharing their knowledge in the mustard facility giving a session or talk like today where they are usually not invited to speak because only men are usually in the lead to organize and invite speakers? Who are also men. Now can we take lead and doing work for the sake of alive not be prevented from that? I don't know. You got something to do? Do it? Nobody stopping you? What's this thing over here? What's this? What's this? You didn't see this flyer? Look at it. People will personalize this question. Very important flyer for you. So sisters program hamdullah. My mother in law speaking of that one.

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But yeah, I mean, sisters should do their own programs. I don't. I don't see anything wrong with that. I actually encourage it.

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And I feel we should have public sister role models for our girls, because there's enough Disney role models for them.

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Honestly, honestly, you know, I was at a program where shark bungee was speaking in worshiping Jesus Alhamdulillah you don't know her challenges. Okay.

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She was speaking and she's, uh, she claims to be Muslim. Right? But

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Gina Muslim, okay. I don't know what that is. But it's not Islam. Allah knows what's in her heart. But from her actions and her speech, that's not Islam. But you know, after she ended, she spoke a couple of little girls and her job went up to get her autograph. You know why? Because she's apparently Muslim. And she's a public figure. So she must be a role model. That was disturbing. We need to have role models for our girls. And they're they're developed, we need to have strong data for our daughters at home. So that they when they come out of home and they go to college, and they go, whenever they're going to do in their lives, they guard their higher. They know how to guard

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their higher and they know how to be strong, confident women at the same time.

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Our Dean does not want our women to be like, not in the workplace or whatever. That's ridiculous. Musa alayhis, Salam saw a couple of girls that were hurting sheep.

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They were hurting sheep. But they knew how to handle themselves and some Quran guys. They knew how to handle themselves. They like they waited for the men to finish and they went they didn't want to inappropriately mixing with demand and push and shove around them to feed them. They waited for the men to finish. And when musante sam went up to them and asked, What's your problem? What's going on over here? Why are you wrestling with EG Mahatma? They were like he he instructed him. They didn't do that. They talked to him.

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They were tough. They talk back to Mussolini. Saddam Hussein was a big guy. And he was like, yeah, we can't feed our sheep until those men are done. And our dad's a big shape by the way.

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They were tough.

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You know, they were out in the workforce. Literally women in the workflows force in silicon causes. So rd doesn't say anything about that. And you know, one of the things that's really fascinating I met Shake Shack acronym that we

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from from Oxford, okay sugarcrm that we is has recently finished typing a 50 volume 50 volume book on the female collectors of Hadith. Well, you know how we said we had this hadith scholar is called Hadith that

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about 3000 women in the history of Islam that were more detailed, including some of the teachers of Bahati, Latino law, Muslim law, so on and so forth. He made an entire composite list of these 3000 or so what they found in Islamic history that are actually the mothers of the study.

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Just to show one point in his 50 volumes, this man wrote 50 value first one's published in English, get a copy. It's called 100. Okay, support the book. But why did you do that to show that Islamic scholarship is not something that was owned by men.

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Women were equally if not even more involved in Islamic scholarship. And it's always been the case. That's our tradition was so easy for us to have amnesia of our own history. So patola anyhow, I'll keep moving.

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Hafiz. Why are you texting me?

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How should one deal with sincerity in public speaking?

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You have to know yourself. I mean,

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you have to know why you're speaking while you're opening your mouth. If you're, if I admit speaking can turn into a performance. It can turn into theatrics. But if you're not clear about who you are, and my own personal remedy is two things. For myself. I don't know if this is gonna work for you. But this for me, I've decided These are my two two fixes for my own like attempted sincerity one.

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I have to be, I have to have close friends that I know, that have known me since before I was on YouTube

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that are not impressed with me and never will be

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that know me for who I really am. Those are your real friends that aren't there because there aren't your friends, because you're a public figure. They're your friends, because you played basketball with them back in the day and they scold you. Those are your friends. And they keep you in check. They keep you a human. They don't sit next to me and say random, I have a question.

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They don't do that. Yo, pass the chips.

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They keep you in check. Having elders that aren't impressed with you, around you, keeps you in check. That's I'm gonna allow my parents

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just to keep you in check. That's why our relationship with our parents is so important because it keeps us from being arrogant. They test our patience more than anybody else.

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As you get older, you will be more irritated with what your father, your mother have to say. And you will have to be patient. That's what keeps you humble. You don't need to share if you need your parents. Go to your parents sit with them. Let your mom yell at you. Let let her let her tell you how you know, silly your beard looks or how your job is ugly or something.

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And sit there and be quiet and don't talk back. That's humble check. So after you give a speech, go hang out with your mom or your dad. I'm not saying my mom does that she's really nice when.

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But it's it's really good to have a sound relationship with your parents. And then of course, the final fix for me personally, is anti golf, you have to go and you have to find a place where nobody knows you don't give a talk when you're doing golf. Don't give a halaqa just gotta be quiet. My article this year was hedge, no pay, no talks, no pictures, no summary of nothing. I'm just there to make hedge. That's it.

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Not there to give a holler.

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I want to I want to disappear on a blend in. It's all I want. You know. And if that four dies, especially my advice for that is you have to go to the Gulf if you can afford to go to Oman. And don't go to America with a group and advertise it on Facebook. Go by yourself. Don't take pictures there and post them. Go by yourself and come back and it's your little secret between you and ally. And that's it. That's what you do. Okay.

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Last one.

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What about Muslim women speaking publicly in terms of lowering the gaze? Isn't she sort of putting herself in front of men to look at? I don't know, that's a question.

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And lowering the gaze is

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the men's responsibility. So I don't know how that works. But I would ask you for more about that. But I know historically we have had female public speakers that's been historically the case. Not necessarily sitting in front of a gathering of men

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in you know, with proper appropriate safeguards, but it's been there we have had that

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and the other question that's been asked to me is also a question and I think you should you should consult a copy for the gas station question. You can probably guess what that is but yeah, that when I don't know the answer to all right, does that come along hidden satanic Aloha, mobium Nick, and shadow Allah, Allah Allah, Allah today, thank you so much for making the time today inshallah Darla. hopefully sometime soon, we can do another series on another topic with mila barakallahu li walakum wa salaamu alaikum