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The Wise Father
Channel: Nouman Ali Khan
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hamdulillah Al Hamdulillah holifield would you live in a ladder which are in udimi Nakula are mostly just subliminal Allah. I will take over the other another finance guru who either Masai can manage guru Allah Nam on Sunday rasulillah calm the shell of me when noodle attempt will kitabi makan will command in the beginner will see the weather the atom led by shalabi receptor medium, whether it be 30 Ibrahim Alayhi Salam in academia or a debate a La Habra
for some a lot more either he was seldom he hated Oman and Latina barakallahu li him catheter ness a lot of Raja
hamdu Lillah Allahu Allah, Allah, Allah.
Allah, Allah, Allah,
Allah Allah Allah, Allah Allah, Allah, Allah May Allah
but hungry Latina who want to start a new one stop fiddle when we will be here on the third day when our auto builder He will surely and phocoena woman sejati Melina when you have to hit level for level the data woman you believe aloha de la when the Chateau a la ilaha illallah wa la sharika and a shadow now Mohammed Abdullah he also Allahu Allahu taala, Buddha, Woodinville Huck the fellow who Allah directly or confabulation, either for some Allahu Allah, he was seldom at the Sleeman kathira because that kind of stuff, detectable lot. But How long had he had you Mohammed in Salalah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam were in the short run woody Marcus has to have been in Aquila,
modesetting da COVID-19 follow Allah. Allah Allah Allah.
Allah who has origin if he could have he could even buy the Buddha road will determine the shape of a gene.
One other thing I would have been better initially la Amish cafe name is Polina seaholm. And Kapha in La Nina Hamid with Paula Luqman with Ebony he who yeah Bonnie gelato Shrek Willa in a shaker all Malati Patricia is somebody with a silly MD, Dr. Melissa Hokulea, Paloma Savita and the naughty Villa de la la la la la la mina Latina I'm gonna wear Amazon hat, but I was always happy. But also, I mean, I mean, today I'm going to continue speaking with you about the passage that I've chosen to dedicate to the next series of goodbyes. That is the passage of So look, man, that's the 31st surah of the Quran. And that is number 12 onwards, which is a passage about a father that has been singled
out in the Quran in this way, he is not a prophet by most accounts, and I spoke to you last time about how Allah had given him wisdom and the climax of that wisdom was to be grateful, and to feel compelled to be grateful. But then Allah describes how, you know that wisdom that he was gifted with was passed on. And so this passage is going to be about him giving advice to his son, before I get into the art themselves are probably only going to be doing the talking about the 13th idea today.
What I do want you to know is this, this passage goes on to number 19. So from from 13 to 19 is the advice that the Father gives to the son. But in the middle of that right after this first one is number 13 and 14 and 15. Law stops. So it's actually the he's talking to his son, and I'm number 13. Then he's talking to him again, number 16 1718 and 19. But 14 and 15 is not part of that conversation, 14 and 15. Allah stops and says something himself, like Elon makes a comment himself. It says if you know when a teacher is teaching, and sometimes the teachers playing a video in class, right? So they play a video in class and they get through one scene and they hit pause and then they
say something, and they explain something and they hit play again. Right? So there's the there's the scene you are taken to then the teacher's comments and then back, continue back again. For where we left off. This kind of thing happens in the Quran, Allah will take us to a scene where a father is giving advice to his son, right? And then he's gonna hit pause and he's gonna talk to us directly for a couple of hours. As if before you go on you need to hear this. You need to or or what you just understood so far, I need to help you internalize it by these comments. So these comments couldn't wait until the end you get it. And then let's continue with the with the story. So that's actually
how this passage is very beautifully structured. But anyway, let's talk today about it. Number 13. With Bala doc MongoDB he when look man said to his son, or who, who who as he was giving him counsel, yada yada Triphala, my son or my little son, Alinea. Four is the essence decent sleep. So my beloved son or my little son, my young son, love to shake will not don't associate anybody with a lot in the sugar.
Illuminati, no doubt the association meaning that kind of associating with Allah truly is a great wrongdoing. And it's a great injustice in this ayah. The first thing to note is that Allah did not simply give us some commentary about lawn sharing wisdom with people around him, or his entire family or his wife, or, you know, his family, his parents, etc, etc. There's different people you can talk to, and share wisdom. And we don't even have to know sometimes somebody can say something wise. So look, man said, don't do shake. Right. But the idea isn't about just sharing wisdom. The idea is about the bond with the loved one, and we're sharing wisdom with his son. So love goes out
of his way to highlight a conversation that's happening between a father and a son. And this is representative of a parent and a child. But of course, in the most direct sense, it's talking to fathers. By extension, of course, it's talking to mothers to is talking to daughters to, but in the most immediate sense, you're getting an image of a father speaking with his child.
And when he's speaking with his child, the language is really interesting. Allah doesn't just say, Look, man, set his son with color Look, man with a V when the man said to his son, but there's a further qualifier, what were you in Google, this is where things get really interesting. And in fact, he was the one that was counseling him. And what is that Joomla? Had he has called Joomla hollyanne grammar? What does that do to the meaning? The first thing it does is it tells you that the bar wanted to talk to his son, about something about alleged religion, something about not doing *, something about the faith, something about Islam, something I say all the time. He wanted to
say that to him, but he didn't just say it to him, he found a time where he could tell that his son is willing to listen to some advice he's tuned in. This is a good opportunity where I can tell from the facial expressions of my son, or the moment that we're having, you know, at this time, or the quietness that we have, or the lack of distractions that we have, that this is a good time to bring this up. In other words, it's very mindful of him to, and this is part of wisdom from the previous is mindful of him to know that young men and chit kids in general, but young boys are easily distracted. So they're distracted playing video games, and they're distracting while watching
something or, you know, talking to their friends or they're distracted with, you know, just eating snacks or their minds wander quickly. getting the attention of a child is not an easy task. Right? teachers actually have to go through great lengths to get the attention of a child, right, and perform all kinds of theatrics to keep the attention of a child and but for a parent, most of our relationships with our children end up boiling down to what are you doing? Did you finish your homework? Okay, it's time for dinner. Okay, clean up your room. Okay, we gotta leave. We're getting late. What are your shoes? Why are your socks over here? That's our conversations with our kids.
That's awesome. And then when we do have time to have a real conversation. So how was your day today? We ask these kinds of open ended questions, how's your day to day? And they say, Good.
And then you can have that same exact conversation 1000 times and the answer is gonna be good. Who are you talking to my friends? Which friends? They'll say like one word answers, right? It's not a real conversation. It's just can we get this over with so I can do what I'm doing kind of thing. Or when when parents come into a conversation, it's like, oh, my God, inspection time. It was like when a drill sergeant walks into a military camp all the soldiers are chillin, relaxing. And the drill sergeant walks in the door like this setup, that for a lot of parents, it's that's what the relationship turns into. Oh, my God, that's,
that's coming. Mom's coming. Oh, I hear the footsteps.
The point is, real conversation becomes very difficult because you're guarded, right? And real conversation becomes difficult because you're having really at the end of the day, administrative conversations about food or homework or cleanup or tasks. They're not real conversations. Or the closest thing to a real conversation is what what shoes do I want to buy if they come up to you and they want to talk to you about something and they don't really want to open up is I feel like going to this restaurant, I want to order this ice cream, but I want to get that food or I want to get you know, I I haven't we haven't gone out in a while. Let's go here. Let's go there. So it's some
activity that they want to do, or something you want to take them to or you need them to get something done. These are the kinds of conversations that happen and those are all of course have their place. You're living under the same roof. But you know what they also create naturally create a distance. They start creating a distance between ourselves and our children, because we're actually not having read
conversations, real conversations about what they feel real conversations that actually make them think. Think about things other than what they're distracted with all the time, food and games, and school and trips are all distractions, those are all they're always going to be there. Those things are always going to be there. But what do you what do you feel about your brother? You guys fight a lot. So what do you What's the best thing you like about your brother? What's the worst thing you like about your sourcing you don't like about your brother.
And what's the best memory you have of him, like probing questions like that, that get them to open up.
And they start sharing what they truly feel. Those are precious moments. Now, the word Yahoo is important in the ayah, because the word word in Arabic, which is actually one of the words, it's muscle, its infinitive form is used to describe the Quran itself, called the jatco mobile device on the Rubicon, a council that touches your heart has come to you from your master.
So the idea you can translate this as he was counseling him, he was advising him. But actually, the implication here would be look, mine set his son at a moment where he can feel that his words are getting through to his heart.
So he found an opportunity, he found a moment and he capitalized on a moment where he was touching his son's heart. Those are not the Did you finish your food conversations. those are those are different kinds of conversations, those conversations might have to be and it might even be implied in the text with his father, the one we live in he that he said to his son, as if nobody else is around. So maybe it's a good idea that, you know, if you have more than one kid, for example, the two of you take a walk, and just have a conversation, right? Because sometimes children get lost in the crowd too. Like they they don't, they don't have individual attention from parents, because
obviously, we're pulled in many different directions. But being able to find the time to have an individual conversation with a child is a very powerful thing. Those of you that are adults, and I'd like to see this actually, in your comments. Those of you that are adults and have memories of good memories of your parents from the time when you were children. I would imagine you remember a time when you had some exclusive time with your father. Sometime he took you on a walk some time he took you fishing sometime he took you on a trip. Sometime He made you ride with him on a horse sometime he talked to you about something or something, you fixed the car together with those times where you
are exclusive with your child, and you did something together, they become imprinted memories. They become personality forming memories. They can those things stick in their head, years that you don't remember all the conversations when you were 11 years old, you don't remember that. You don't remember things that happened when you were seven, you barely remember anything. You remember glimpses. But part of those glimpses you will notice are moments you spent with your father with your mother that were special. They weren't just we ate together, because you did that every day. They weren't just they bought me a toy, because that happened every eat. It wasn't just they got me
clothes, it wasn't those things, buying stuff, doing the run of the mill things. It was some conversation some moment, some teaching moment in those moments are actually part of the wisdom of parenting. To find those moments with our children, we may not realize the impact those conversations have on someone. In fact, those things you remember about your father, or your mother, those conversations? If you go back and tell them Mom, do you remember when you said this? To me? Those are no, what I said really, what is to be very smart.
But that was such a transformational thing for you. Right? The point I'm trying to make is they don't they won't remember that. They won't remember how significant it is. But you should know you never know which moment with your child I should, I need to know, I'll never know which moment with my child is going to be truly significant. And I'm talking from the positive and it's also we should be mentioned from the negative, I don't know which conversation I have with my child where I was reckless, when I was hurtful, might be truly damaging.
And I need to if that has happened, I need to make sure I have some kind of, you know, way to erase that or or overcome that with a positive experience. These experiences are what kids are going to remember. That's what's going to build them so in that in that moment when he has his child's attention. And in that moment when that child is actually open to listening, you can tell that they're opening up in a way that's different. They're actually answering in full sentences. They want to tell you what's going on instead of you probing it out of them like a root canal. It's actually them that wants to engage in the conversation. When that's happening in that moment. The
father drops. You have an A and especially for my beloved son, my little son and that's it's so beautiful that he didn't just give him a religious advice. He actually expressed his love for his child first.
So now he sees that my child is in a place where his heart is softened. And I can see that I can, you were the best, you know, readers of our children's emotions, we can tell from their face if something is wrong. We can tell from their face when they're feeling something, they're feeling vulnerable. They're feeling like they're let their guard down a little bit. Because you know, with, especially with teenagers, for example, they put a hard guard up. And when their guard goes down a little bit, you can tell you're smart enough to know. And in that moment, the first thing you want to do is make them feel safe. Because, you know, with kids, when they put their guard down, they
feel scared, and have to put their guard back up to feel safe again. But before they put their guard up, you can let them know that you're their guard, you can and you can let them know that Bye. And I can let them know that by first expressing not what we want them to hear from us, or what advice we want to give them or what we want them to change, or what they're doing wrong, or what they could be doing more, we can put all that aside, the first thing they need to hear from us is that we love them.
And we love them the same as when we loved them when they were little kids. So even though this boy may be older, the words in the Quran are yamaneika, my little son, it's almost like my baby, almost like my baby, you're young men ready, but you I love you just like when you were my baby. And you're hugging this child and you're putting your arm around this child, and you're praying for this child and you're kissing their forehead, and you're doing all of that as if they're three years old, but they're actually 14 now. They're 16. Now they're 12. Now.
And you know what, in those moments, I'm 40 something years old, when my dad kisses my forehead, I feel like I'm eight years old.
Right though for those moments you start melting to
that has an effect. So before the communication, the words are exchanged, there is the right time and the right occasion. Well, who is who it also means what who is the who suggests that whatever he's about to say, there's a larger conversation happening. Maybe he's giving him advice about how to make money, how to run the business, maybe he's giving advice about school, maybe he's giving advice about some friends trouble that he's having. He's giving some counsel to him, some larger Council, and in the middle of that Council, he wants to bring a lot up, but he will first. First he will make his child feel loved and therefore safe. Just like a small child feels feel safe around
the parent, when they hear a loud sound, they run toward the parent they want to clink, or they want to sleep in the same bed. Because there was Thunder outside, right? So yamaneika is that giving them safety, giving them that emotional safety, physical safety may already be there. It's that emotional safety. And once you have said my little son, my beloved son, my boy, yeah, when a lot of people
don't, I mean, I'll translate casually first don't do wrong by Allah.
Just instead of saying don't disrespect your father, be a good son. I need you to listen to me. When I tell you something, just do it. Like those are moments of those councils to write. But he says son Listen, I I may be here one day I may not right. I can I can tell you what to do today I can tell you to pray I can tell you to not not go on the wrong websites or places on the internet I I can tell you to avoid this or that or the other. I can tell you to guard your eyes. I can tell you stay away from kids of school that are doing drugs I can tell you, I can tell you not to use these bad words that I overheard you use i can i can tell you all of those things. But you know what, one day
I'll be gone.
And even if one day I'm not gone most of the day, I'm gone. I'm working. you're by yourself.
But you know who's always there
was always there.
And when you think that you're in charge, and you're free and you're no longer a slave, you don't have a higher authority than you've put yourself next to Allah.
Because Allah has the highest authority don't do that.
I don't even mean to I love you so much. I need you to know because you know what kids start thinking kids start thinking that parents all they want to do is impose their authority on them.
And this father has such profound wisdom he says some my authority let's put that aside.
Right now I just want you to recognize Allah as authority.
I just want you to know unless always there
and no one will love you like Allah does.
No one will give you advice like that. No one means well for you like a Legos. No one will protect you like a Legos. No one will take care of you like Legos. No one is watching you like Legos. No one is recording you like a Lego has.
No one will correct you like Allah does. No one can punish you like a Legos. I need you to know you can't put anything were those those ideas being answerable to someone loving someone finding guidance and someone be wanting to be the way someone wants you to be.
Be those things only belong to a lot don't give them to somebody else.
It's not just don't do shake with a law meaning don't worship idols.
Or don't don't, you know, don't believe in a trinity or don't believe in this. It's not just theology. This statement is about putting put putting our faith in a lot above our faith in everything else. That's what his son is being told because for a young man, they're not a digital worshipping idols. They are however, in danger of it does other Allahu Allahu their emotions, their desires, their hormones, their their, their wants, their distractions, those things can become a god. They become the only thing you ever worry about, if if I have a son, who's every time I talk to him, he's talking about Marvel and the Avengers, or he's talking about, you know, anime, or he's
talking about video games. And that's all he ever talks about, or this character, or that character or this sport, or that sport or dispatcher that imagine this, you know, MMA fighting, or the NBA Finals, or which shoes are coming out or what you know, what car like, that's all they're ever talking about. Those things are turning into a god. Because what ancient people used to do is they used to sit in front of idols all day and meditate, right? Think all about these deities. And now if your thoughts in here, you're invaded constantly with these things, these material things, these superficial things, then then you're meditating over these things. That's what you're thinking about
all the time, they've invaded your heart in your mind. And there is a place in our hearts and our minds that belongs to a lot. And you can entertain yourself. You can watch sports, you can play video games, I do all those things, too. You can do those things, but they belong in a lower shot way lower shelf by the shoe area and your art. And then there's the higher shelves that only belong to a lot. And they can't, they can't take that place. And this father says to his son, don't do check with a lot.
I said, I love you.
Come here. I want you to be safe. Just don't forget allows authority over you. Don't forget why you're really here. You didn't come on this earth to play games. You didn't come on this earth to watch movies. You didn't come on this earth to look good. This is not what you were put on this earth. You were put on this earth to recognize who your master is, and to serve that purpose. And while you're serving that purpose, you will enjoy many things in this life. But you will enjoy them as a slave.
Don't forget that you're a slave. That's not to Shrek will not.
And if you forget that and you enjoy everything else in the *can a woman alvine no doubt about a chick. It's a terribly terribly misplaced crime. It's a terrible injustice loom actually in Arabic They call it like rochet in theory behind he is putting something where it doesn't belong volume or do speakers, Hindi speakers, Bangladeshi speakers, volume has made its way into many languages alone means oppression in many languages, okay because I live or this is alim, as volume in Arabic can mean an oppressor, but actually a little bit, its original meaning is something belongs somewhere you put it in the wrong place. Like if you put shoes that you put took shoes, put them in a
bookshelf, that's one, you understand, or if you put milk inside of the car instead of oil. That's one. It's oppression to the poor car but it's also misplacing something. The idea of misplacing something is blue. He said shoot is a terrible misplacement. It's a heinous it's a great misplacement. What does it mean that it's a misplacement? There are some places in your heart that only Allah belongs.
And you put other things there you misplace those things, you understand? You misplaced them. And once you misplace those things, that everything in your life gets misplaced. every relationship gets misplaced. Every experience gets misplaced, your judgment gets misplaced, everything gets twisted around. Because you know what, you no longer have a lot in the right place in your heart, that means you don't have light. And when a person doesn't have light, then they're walking in the dark and they're Stumbling on things and they don't know which way they're going. You lose purpose in your life. If you do shift
you'll miss misplace yourself. The ultimate wrong and the ultimate misplacement is this * with a lot.
That's and the father is telling his son this as if to say,
I may not have this opportunity to give this advice to you again, who knows my long life is I don't know what my life is.
But you know, you're gonna have to make your own choices. And every time you're confronted with a choice, you're going to have to ask yourself, where is a lie? And that choice?
is a lot of the first consideration above all else, when you make a choice when I make a choice, or is Allah what Allah would want? You hear it but you're like, no, but that's priority number two or three. Not right now. Not over the weekend, y'all look on Friday. Yours is Friday. But it's Saturday. Now.
Right, or it's Friday night now. So let me let me do my thing.
So you we put, we put Allah where he doesn't belong, and we put other things where they don't belong. And that's the first advice he gives us. What a powerful advice isn't just some serious advice in one ayah it's actually teaching that we have to prepare our next generation to stand up on their own, to think for themselves. He didn't tell him, you know, first pray, stay away from home.
Right, dress properly.
All those advices we give to our kids, isn't it, don't use bad words, be careful who you make friends with. Don't need that kind of food, stay away from this don't go out late at night, there's a million advices we give our kids but it's as if he gave this one advice that makes all those other advices almost irrelevant. Or all those other advices now make sense to your son, because this is there. Because when Allah is in the right place in the heart of a believer than all the other counsel that comes from Allah, the counsel of guarding yourself, guarding your chastity, guarding your income guarding your body, you know, guarding your heart guarding your character, all of that
makes sense, because now lies in the right place. Right? And when the lies however, why do I have to pray? Okay, fine.
Because that first advice has not been given in the right time in the right moment, in the right way. And that's, it's profound, that a parent has to do that. A parent has to do that. And that's one of the greatest wisdoms he was given. And this is some isolated man, look, man, who Allah gave wisdom to to be grateful, right. That's what we learned last time. This is what I'm going to conclude with. Allah gave him wisdom that he should be grateful. And the first thing we learned about him, we couldn't learn anything about him. A lot could have taught us anything about him. What he chose to teach us about him is now that he has this wisdom to be grateful, the first thing he
does is he shows that gratitude by taking any opportunity he can to share something beautiful with his son.
Right? That Well, you know what that means? That us trying to find a way to give our kids good guidance, lovingly, is actually us being grateful to Allah.
That's the height of wisdom. That's wisdom. And when we try to give advice to our children, with harshness are not taking into account the time and place are not taking into account their temperament are not taking into account that they're not feeling safe, that they will they still have their emotional walls up. We haven't broken them with Yamuna yet. We don't take those things into account, we're missing wisdom, or missing out on wisdom. vilazodone make us wise in the way we deal with our children. And we allow them to overlook our shortcomings and what we haven't been able to give to our children, unless soft in the hearts of our young, you know sons and daughters, that
so that they become better slaves of Allah than we ever could be. And that they live more meaningful lives more purposeful lives than we could ever live, that they become a sadaqa jariya for us and our parents and their parents, and that they become a means of spreading more good in the world and we could ever spread. But a lovely Welcome to core and Hakeem when a family with a community with the
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