ICBR – lesson from Surah At-Tahrim
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Channel: Nouman Ali Khan
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AI Generated Summary ©
The importance of not calling your wife out and the need for a focus on the message of Islam are emphasized. Personal development and finding one's own peace of mind are crucial in learning to read and write Arabic. Personal growth and happiness are also emphasized.AI Generated Transcript ©
salam ala Al
hamdu lillahi Alameen wa salatu wa salam ala see the VI even Muslim Allah He was happy with Mr. Nelson that he lived within la dynamin home Amina Latina Amman whammo, sorry what I was hoping happy was also feminine
and that will let you initiate Lenore James will help recommend over him yeah you have to be Lima to help him out have a lot more luck definitely my Bata as magic Allah over him, but the follow the love will come to him later in Monaco, Mala Mala
published actually suddenly when suddenly Emily, who looked at me decided Cody Allahumma COVID-19, Altavilla, Allah, Allah, Jana Mina, that enamel Whamisa, whatever. So be happy what also suffer me No, but I mean,
I'd first like to express my gratitude to this community for their hospitality. And for all of you that came out of your homes and made all this effort to be here and be in this gathering, I asked a lot of protect all of you. And that law protects all of your families, and that you make it home safely and remain safe and healthy. In the law. I also wanted to express what I felt when I when we drove in here. It was just really beautiful to see the kids playing outside, and the activity in this community. And it just made me make dua for you guys, that Allah keeps this community growing. And it protects it from the fitten that come the trials that come from the outside, and the trials
that come from the inside, that Allah keeps your hearts together. It doesn't allow egos to flare, it doesn't allow for disunity and infighting and suspicion to take hold, and you protects you from all of these things like yopu violin salon, fear would happen between his sons. So this is this is the kind of thing that can even happen between brothers. So it's easily going to happen between a community and so we have to ask Allah to protect us from that initiate, and I live in sunny I do movie. And I pray that Allah protects and continues to protect all of you.
The Surah, I was asked to you know, so make a selection of a surah that I think would be a good topic to share with you. And I have about 4045 minutes to share some thoughts with you. And I deliberately chose sort of put the Hareem This is the 66th Surah of the Quran. It's got many, many lessons. A few years ago, I did a seer lecture series on the surah
lesson series, I decided to just cover the entire surah in a whole day. It's not very long, it's 12 hours, but it took me about 12 hours to cover the topic. So but obviously I won't be putting you through that so you can relax. But what I'm going to do is take some of those lessons that I think are really valuable and are not often talked about that that I think all of us need a reminder of I myself need a reminder of so here goes this is this is one of the sutras that Allah gave to the prophets. I saw them when he was in Medina. And the life of the prophet saw Selim is very different in Medina than it is in Makkah. And so I'm going to highlight some things that we have to keep in
mind when we read a suta like this one, what is going on with the Prophet of Allah so Allah because Allah tells us what Quran and Sunnah Hula, hula Nursia and when is enough, Hooton Zina, Soto salah, says that Allah says the Quran, he broke it apart, so he didn't send the whole thing down at once. Right? He sent it down little by little on just the right occasion. So a situation was developing, and it reached a pretty intense climax. And human human beings don't know what to do. Now Allah will reveal to solve the issue or to get released from him so that things can be resolved. That's a MOOC thing. When does the number 10 Zero. So with that in mind, it's kind of important to know what's
going on in the prophets life at the time, what's going on in Medina at the time when this tsunami is coming down. And I'm going to come at that from a very particular perspective. So before I go to the Prophet's life, I'm just going to speak to the men here for a moment. All due respect to my my daughters, my sisters, my mothers that are here in the audience. There. There's quite a bit about you coming in the salon so bear with me.
You see you have a lot of things to juggle my friend. You have a family to take care of those of you that are married and heads of households you have a family to take care of. You have your wife to take care of you have your children to take care of depending on what age your children are, you have different kinds of challenges. Those of you that have teenage kids in the Linda when they lay about your own right you have temperaments to take care of boys and girls completely different kinds of not disaster trial. Nevermind yeah my minyama
and then you have your parents to take care of stuff for Allah and Alim you have your in laws to deal with you have, you have work, you have friends, you have community you have like lots of different things pulling at you. And on top of that, you have the bills and you have the
Tire pressure on the car and you have the the garbage go out for recycling or did you put the wrong thing outside, where's the car park taxes, uh, stuff. But a lot earlier, there's a lot of things going on in your head, and you're not running a country, you're running a household, and you're barely taking care of yourself. And you don't even know where the day goes. The day just disappears between all of these responsibilities. By the time you hit the bed, you pass out like you're in a coma you can't be talked to. Now I want you to put this in perspective a little bit.
Cool.
Totally.
Oh, they can hear me. Yeah, I purposely speak low. So they have to like go like that.
It makes sure they pay attention more, I realized something Muslims are so used to hearing loud voices, they don't listen. So I purposely use a low voice.
So anyway,
so the thing is, when we when we think about what the prophets doing, so Allah, he's not running one household, he has multiple spouses. So he's running multiple household. So whatever responsibilities you're carrying, multiply that by a few.
On top of that, he is now the governor of an entire city. So as a governor, he has to deal with economic issues, social issues, political issues, there are different religious communities. There's also the fragile union between the Mahajan and the Tsar. They have their cultural differences, they have their background differences. There are also those that are coming new into some Oh, of course, there's the mechanics who would like to kill all of us who are still waiting for an opportunity to do so then there are tribes inside Medina that are trying to sabotage within from the inside an endless project before it even begins. There are even some secret assassination attempts of the
prophets, I saw them that are cooking up at the time, all kinds of things are going on. And as the governor, he has to watch out for all of this, and there are those inside of his own camp, among those who claim to believe that are actually trying to destroy him from the inside, even though they said in the first row in the prayer. So there's the there's the gang of hypocrites that disguise themselves as friends, but they're the enemy. So this is pretty heavy stuff that he's got to deal with all at the same time. On top of that, there is now that you have that he is the the wife and the Imam and the counselor and the advisor for the entire OMA that's alive at the time. So if
anybody has an issue with their dad, guess who they go talk to anybody has an issue with their wife, who do they come talk to anybody's got an issue that you know, I don't understand this, or we're gonna tell you what I should do. Or I just need some inspiration. Give me some motivation. You know, I imagine a CEO of a company, right? Important job CEO of a company. He's got his executive office and the security guard from the first floor. This guy's on the ninth floor, he takes the elevator to the 19th floor and says, Hey, Boss, give me some motivation. I just want to hear something inspiring. Could you tell me it's kind of just getting a little bored of my job and just feel like
you should just give me some help me things are gonna be okay. What's the CEO gonna do? You're fired? Get out of here. You know, I My job is to motivate you. You know, where am I aware? You know, your place, you know? But what is those who loves places I'm doing? You so sleazy? So many narration so many accounts of people just coming up to him and say, Tell me something, tell me something I can do? Or whatever? Who should I treat the best? Who should I treat the best? And these are not things that Allah hasn't already talked about. Allah has already said, What do I need any Asana, it's already revealed in the Quran. You know, in teachers, by the way, though some of you are in the
teaching profession. Can I see him in the teaching profession? I don't Well, we need more teachers in this community. Let me tell you right now. But if you're in the teaching profession, and you've already taught something over and over again, and then a student comes to you and says, Hey, I was wondering, could you
teach me the bargain? Could you Could we go over that the buyer is a little confusing. The LSI got the buyers a little confusing. As a teacher, what are you gonna do you go read the book?
Go Review. You're Not You can't be serious. Sometimes people ask such basic questions, and it offends the teacher, like where are you in? What coma were you in? Were you were you among the if you just woke up.
But people come to the province, I said, I'm in the middle of him dealing with the crisis of being a governor. In the middle of the looming threat of war, that's going to happen over three times in Medina, between Mecca and Medina, in the middle of the economic crisis, in the middle of the, you know, the spiritual crisis of them without your own. He's dealing with people that are coming and talking to him on an individual basis, and there's no time limit on it. Make it come to him any time to the point where Allah had to reveal don't just show up at his house, and don't just stick around you need to leave sort of the Moon had to come and teach the Sahaba you're not
He's too nice to tell you, I think it's about time you should leave, it's only 3am, you need to go on your own, you know, don't just sit there. So he wouldn't say it, because he's just constantly serving, serving and serving. And on top of all of that, he's dealing with multiple wives. Now, that sounds like an attack on Islam, he had multiple spouses. But let me tell you something, each spouse had a temperament has a different personality. And he's trying to be the best husband, he can be to all of them. In fact, he makes the claim to us explicitly that he is the best talk in his family among all of us. So he's being the best husband to all of them.
And on top of that, he needs to make sure that he's being fair to all of them. So he's giving equal amounts of time now, just just, if you just take a step back and imagine this whole thing for a moment, is this an easy amount of things to juggle? It seems like the prophets I send them as an impossible amount of pressure and burden on him when Allah says Inessa leuke Attica Conan subpoena. If, you know, some of us can just you know, we can go to work, we can come back and turn on the PS five that we made so much data fire, right, and
it's okay, then we can get at the end of it all, because a man likes tough work in the morning. There's no tight there's no off switch for this man. And by the way, when the night happens, finally, everybody's asleep. What's Allah's commandment to him more than a third of the night, he has to make the arm to Allah. More than it's optional. For us, it's mandatory for him. It's been revealed to him as mandatory. So his days and nights are done. He's he's, he used to be exhausted completely. Now, let's put I set the scene for you for a reason, I wanted to talk to you about a few things in sorts of Deputy right. So that is really interesting. There's something in small and short
sutras that are a few pages, there's something that is a concept, I won't give you the English terminology, I'll give you English terms. So it's easy for you to kind of connect with it. They're called anchors, anchors, you know, an anchor in the ship, when you drop an anchor. So there's a similar kind of phrase use multiple times in the same surah. And that's kind of like an anchor is dropped here, and another anchor is dropped here, and there's a mental connection made between the two. So this is only 12. Via Yes. In the beginning, Allah says, Yeah, you have to be prophets, Allah addresses the sooner we're not talking to us not saying he went to dinner Avenue, he's talking
directly to his Prophet sallallahu. So we're going to learn something about a conversation that's happening between Allah and the Prophet file. How many I have forgotten? Very good. Michelle. Somebody listening. Very good. Now in the knife is almost done. This was almost over an iron overnight. Yeah, you and me again.
So the IUSB happens twice. Okay. Now, let me tell you, I told you, he's dealing with lots of things. One of those things, possibly possibly one of those things is sometimes one of his wives is upset. She's in a bad mood.
Okay, one of his wives is in a bad mood. There's some let's just call it drama at home. There's some drama. That's one issue. Here's another issue. There are people on the outside that are trying to kill all the Muslims. And there are people on the inside pretending to be Muslim, that are engaging in spying and espionage, working with the outside enemy to open the floodgates and create a bloodbath in Medina. Okay. Two issues. The first issue that I mentioned,
drama at home, maybe one of the wives has upset. That's one issue. What's the other issue? Certain death, the death of the entire Oma? Which one do you think is like an emergency situation?
I guess.
We'll talk later we have I think we have some conversations separately.
You would imagine that Allah will give instruction to the province I live in the Surah. about dealing with the looming threat of the monarchy, the hypocrites the spies, and the Kufa. And he does he says, yeah, yeah, you and Debbie Jahi. Farah. Well, Mona Tina was the one who had number said we'll see you need to say you need to struggle against both of those groups shown over Sita either group, you need to engage with them directly. So he's giving him a mandate to deal with the enemy inside and outside. But that happens in Iowa number nine. In number, the suit is almost over. So it's almost done. And actually after nine is just a history lesson. It's just it's not even about
the profits later it was about the
other profits. But what happened in it number one, where did this begin and what happened until I hit number nine? Most of the syllabub Yeah, you had to be
Allah Allah why do you make the prophet is being called listen to this? Why do you make haram? Or why do you why do you make haram? What Allah made hello for you Why are you making something wrong for you impermissible for you that Allah said is okay, De Lima lotta as watching, you're doing so to make some of your spouse's happy
well love love photo Brahim and Allah is extremely forgiving, always loving and caring.
So the opening subject was really strange expression. Usually Allah criticize the people that came before us they took what was haram and they made it halal. You know that right? They took something that was wrong, and they made it Hello. But the prophet is not being told. Why would you take something haram and make it Hello? What is the prophet being taught? Why are you taking something Hello, and making it ha? And then I even added a reason why would you do such a thing? Why would you do it? To make your your wife's content, I want to put all of this in perspective for you.
As the profit slice of them is engaged in all kinds of heavy burdens, there's only one place he can find peace of mind.
Allah says that the purpose of marriage has been scudo Elayna. So you can find calm and peace and harmony in your spouse's. That's the goal of marriage according to Allah Himself. That's the purpose file. When the Prophet SAW Selim has come in his personal life, and his married life, that calm gives him the ability, that field to deal with much bigger responsibilities outside, the kind of thing that you will watch on the news.
The kind of thing that he has to deal with is outside. The big stuff, the stuff that historians will record, the historians will not record. Oh, he had drama at home one day, that historians will record the Battle of battle, the battle of the hijra, the Mokka, historians will record major incidents major, major, you know, attempts, newsworthy stuff, not the small things, what is Allah teaching us in this remarkable Surah that what goes on at home is so fundamentally important, because unless you deal with it, you cannot be in a position to deal with what is happening outside. So for eight ayat, Allah is only talking about the profit place, his wives, us and our families.
That's all he's talking about, and then gets to the Prophet and says, By the way, now that that is dealt with, now you can deal with the big stuff.
Well, you can deal with big stuff.
Sometimes I talk about family issues and people say why aren't you talking about the crisis of the OMA?
Because it's number nine bro
before
this is a crisis, this is in fact a crisis. Now I'm going to summarize some of the narrations that surround the story but even if you don't know those narrations, let's pay attention to what Allah is actually saying. Now the only thing I've established so far in this conversation is okay two times the prophet is addressed directly the first time some a lot more it was seldom is being told don't make something haram for himself and Allah is we had to we got to dig into that a little bit and then later on to deal with the hypocrites
Alright, so let's go to this first thing again.
See, Allah has made lots and lots and lots of things Hello.
And when you have any more any him acaba if and only filthy things he said stay away from
so the things that are haram are actually very few.
And most of what Allah has made on this earth who will lead the Halacha likoma field RB Jamia he opened up the door of Khaled Muslim start thinking most things are haram until proven halal. But actually the way Allah made the world the few things that he stopped us from are a handful of things stay away from this fill this fill this fill in this fill the rest of this world was being good impure for you. Okay. When you go towards the Haram since the time of animalism he was given one tree that's haram Yes. When you go towards haram, you should feel bad.
Because you went towards the one thing Allah told you that you should feel guilty. You should feel ashamed. You should feel regret. You should feel I should feel in my heart man. I messed up I better not do that again. I should turn to Allah and say y'all that is my failure. I slipped up. I don't know how I lost control, but I will not allow myself to do that again. Please forgive me. I turn to you sincerely that kind of killed you should feel if you crossed Allah's line. Oh
People are weird. Relationships are weird. And the closest relationship the Prophet slice of them has in Medina is actually his wives. He doesn't have his parents with him. He doesn't have siblings with him. He doesn't have uncles with him, like accepted at a distance the closest people to him in his life or who? His wives. For you. It may not be it might be the farthest person from you and your wife, I hope not.
But you have other people that are very closely connected to you, when you walk inside your home, who's there, maybe your kids are there, maybe your parents are there, maybe your siblings are there, maybe your spouse is it, these are the people that are the closest to you. Yes. Now those people in our life sometimes those relationships are supposed to be relationships of love, and respect, and safety and understanding, and forgiveness. These are the things that make any relationship work, whether it's between parents and children, whether it's between siblings, whether it's between spouses, it's the same basic things. If a parent does not feel respected by the child, they're going
to be hurt. If a child feels humiliated by the parents all the time, that's not going to work either. We need these things as human beings, we need to feel safe, we need to feel respected, we need to feel loved. There's some basic things that we need.
But unfortunately, we use the word love a lot in relationships. And even after you get slapped up by your dad, you'll say I love you. You know I love you, right?
Even after like a huge shaming session, right, your husband will shame you or the wife will shame you and say the most hurtful things and then say at the end, you know, no one loves you like it.
Because I mean, look at you Who else could love you, you've seen your face.
It is a miracle of Allah that even when you should be grateful that I'm slapping you
go pray two rakaat
sugar,
then I cursed you out. Because if anybody else was there, you wouldn't even be alive. You know, my greatest love for you is that I tolerate you. That's my love for you. So you know what we do? We use the word love.
But actually, the relationship in reality doesn't look like it has anything to do with love.
If you describe what happens in that relationship, there's a lack of respect. There's a lack of trust, there's humiliation, there's sarcasm, there's anger. There's suspicion there's all these negative things all the time, but we call it what I love that though. I love that. I love one of those, like, not just between spouses, even between children. I'll have some parent come to me with their child, Michelle, but no man, can I haven't been it. Yeah, sure. We can have two minutes. Sure. This is my son. He's not very good.
But I love him. I love him. But he's not very good. Can you make him good?
I know the mother means well, but you know what she just did, she humiliated her side. She humiliated. And that's not gonna help. He's gonna, first of all, thanks a lot, lady. Now he hates me too.
So the first thing I do with a boy like that is I am so sorry. I'm really sorry, I didn't do this.
You know. But the point that I'm making is these relationships that we have in home. They're supposed to be characterized by love, but unfortunately, they become about something else. And one of the other things they become about is possession and control. You become possessive over someone, you've become controlling over someone and you love them. You want to hug them give them affection, so long as they're doing some things within your boundaries. And the moment they do something you don't like. Now you need to make them feel guilty. So you have your own boundary of your halaal and your haram. Do you understand what I'm saying? Allah has his boundary of what's come out. But in
many relationships, the spouse creates a new boundary that has nothing to do with Allah's boundaries. They have their own boundaries. They say I don't want you talking to your friend. I don't like that. I don't want you talking to your friend. I've been friends since like we were both in diapers. It's my best friend. Know If you love me, you want to talk to him. If you love me, you will never talk to him. And you're like, your friend is calling you texting you. I love my wife
or a spouse or husband says to the wife, I don't want you talking to your mother. I don't want you talking to your family. No, I forbid it. And then they they try to Islam a fight on top of that to Allah has given me the authority to know he hasn't grown. You can't cut a family tie. You can't do it. Those are those are connections Allah made. We have our own amount of Allah OB and you saw that we will soon
You can be the husband, you can be the Pharaoh, you can be Donald Trump, I don't care who you are, you can tell anybody to not connect with their parents. You can't do it. That's, that's a relationship. You don't own that that relationship Allah owns. But the point is the same pressure is being exerted over something that isn't wrong. It's not wrong. But because you are so loving, you're like, I don't want to hurt my wife's feelings, or I don't want to hurt my husband's feelings. So Fine, I won't talk to my best friend anymore.
Because I love her so much. I won't talk to my friend anymore. Because I love her so much. I'll stop playing basketball because I love her so much. I'll start I'll start you know, looking happy.
You know, control can come from the wife control can come from plasma controlling come from Father or children, a mother or children. It can come from siblings or you come from anywhere. And this control is sometimes not controlled. Like I command you. And you better obey it sometimes, like in the face. It's like a non spoken kind of control. Where are you going? Oh, my friend came from out of town. I just gonna was gonna pick it up from the airport.
Go ahead. Have fun.
I hope you enjoy yourself.
No, you don't want when you come back? Don't you know what don't even tell me? It's okay. Just why do you even have to come home?
School? Just go? No, go? Why don't you
go already you don't care about.
And now when some of you are not very smart. So when your wife says go go, no, go go go. You're like, Michelle, unless she's encouraging me.
When she's saying goes, she's telling you step out and you will die. That's what she said. But you're not translating properly is a problem in Java.
When these kinds of boundaries are drawn, sometimes you're afraid of making somebody upset. Here's the common denominator, you have to think about your life after think about my life. You're so afraid of making somebody upset that you start making things haram for yourself, that Allah never made for you. You start confining yourself, and you start putting pressure on yourself in all kinds of things that have nothing to do you shouldn't be feeling bad about it, because the only one that has the right to make you feel guilty is Allah when you violate his lines. And his limits are not just about what you owe him, his limits define how we are good to others also. So so long as you're
obeying the law, it is impossible that you are doing injustice to anyone else. But people that you quoted are people that quote unquote, love you sometimes can actually make you feel like even though you're actually doing nothing wrong, there is no one worse than you. No one's a bigger loss than you.
You can make you feel guilty and ashamed for doing absolutely nothing wrong. And the more loving and kind and caring you are, the more you will fall into this trap.
The more kind you are, the more you will get stepped on. Right? Because if you're kind and you're like I just I don't want to hurt your feelings. Hey, where do you want to go eat sometimes this test question. Hey, where do you want to go eat? Let's go to you know, halaal Jos either? No.
No, I don't want to go there. So you tell me where you want to? I don't want to go anywhere. It's okay. You don't want to go anywhere? Yeah, because you never want to take me anywhere. I just said where you want to go?
No, it's okay. It's fine guilting for nothing,
creating creating these kinds of negative sentiment and you're just constantly worried about what making the other happy making the other happy, shoveling and filling in that hole that can't be filled. Right, it could come from your mom, it could compliment that it can come from your wife or your husband, it can from anywhere. The profit side of them is in a situation where even a little bit of that is too dangerous. Even a little bit of that, because the first thing listen to this part carefully the first thing that happens and that will never happen for a little loss. But it will happen for us. The first thing that happens is you take high morale things and you make them put on
for yourself. Right? Once you do that you have handed over some control little bit 5% In a couple of years, it won't be 5% it will be 50% in a couple of years from then it will be 100% You are no longer Allah slave emotionally or somebody else's slave. Even though you're doing such that towards the Kaabah emotional you're somebody you're even feeling guilty coming into the machine because somebody might make you feel in your heart you're not feeling content that you're walking out and even doing something that pleases Allah, you can't do it because you've created a kind of emotional, you know, dependence on somebody else, and they're exerting that influence on you. And what's the
final stage of that the final stage of that is those loved ones can even convince you to do wrong.
The first stage is you take Hello things and you make them around
But if that goes on long enough, then eventually they have so much control that even haram, things start becoming one. Hello just to make them happy. Just to make them happy. It's it's a slippery slope. It's a slippery slope. So we have to have loving, caring and open conversations in our homes about where the line is drawn. What is not wrong should not be considered wrong by anyone. What Allah has made Halal means Allah, Allah considers it good. You don't get to say it's bad. I don't get to say it's bad. So let's take a pause here from the pseudo for a moment. And let's talk about a reality that many of us experience in the OMA in the world.
We are juggling two different things. We're juggling a religion, we have a religion. And then we have the society and the culture that we come from. And all of us are hybrid, or partly American, partly Indian, partly Bangladeshi, partly Moroccan, partly Algeria, partly American, partly all of these things, right. And with social media now, and we don't even know what parts we are. We're all it's all confused. It's all mixed together. But in many of our cultures, there are practices that have nothing to do with our religion. In fact, some of them even go against our religion. They go against our religion, and we celebrate them in our cultures. And if somebody says, I don't want to
do that, for example, I'll give you an example of the South Asian common subcontinent. In the South Asian subcontinent when even Muslims get married. It is not the boy's family that gives gifts. It is the girl's family that is supposed to give.
Sounds like it's opposite of Sharia. It's reverse video. And they can turn the girls, you know, the pope proposal down because that will be we needed the Samsung fridge, not an LG fridge. That could do that. Right? Because the pressure is on the girl's family to give given give, right? And women it's flipped. And then what else happens? In many cultures, when it comes one of the fundamental conditions of a marriage being valid is my husband. Right? The match should be agreed on. They don't agree on it.
They don't even do it. And the day of the marriage, the poor guy just graduated from college, he just got his first job as an accountant. You know, after being in debt for four years of school, which is bad accounting, by the way, and then that he gets becomes he's getting married. And then they say all don't worry about them. Don't worry about them and woman got contracts being signed. The girl's family says yeah, it's 200,000 in the conflict.
And then there's you know, don't worry about it. It's okay. It's just a number. Number. Oh, yeah, man, ping them out on the salsa, Ducati, hinda Nettleton. Happily, quickly and freely should you give them money that's owed, and they sign off on it. And it's no big deal. There are generations of Muslims that have never their grandparents. Now, they never give them out. The grandparents now. And you ask the Grandma, did grandpa ever get mad? No, no, they said they would. But you know, they're under a lot of pressure.
I'm just saying that what should you eyes this? What
is this, they take things that Allah has made mandatory and turn them into optional, or not important. And then they take things that have nothing to do with our religion, and they make them absolutely are going vergeben all of it. It's a new, it's a different kind of kit. Nobody calls it Chidiya nobody calls it alternative law, but it's more powerful and exerts more pressure pressure than the law of Allah. That's the reality in which many Muslims live.
So when the Prophet has told the man to have a hand Allah who lack that doesn't matter as much logic, you are trying to it was a small issue. It was just a small issue. He just the according to the narration, he would go stop at everybody's home and he started spending a couple extra minutes at one spouse's home where she gave him a kind of honey that tasted extra good and he liked it a little much. So it was a couple extra minutes at his house. The next spouse realize he's getting a couple less minutes. This one's getting a couple more minutes. So she decided she couldn't say directly so she just said Your breath smells a little
you know, and the promises and felt so bad. That because the only thing I could have had that smell is the honey. Okay, I would eat honey. He didn't say from today on this honey is haram and he didn't declare those words. He was considering her feelings because she doesn't like that smell. So she decided but that wasn't really what was going on. And so Allah said, when you do that, if the prophet did that, it will become a sunnah. And it will become if it became a sunnah, then we will all want to be like the Prophet. So suddenly we all do that. In other words, when somebody says they don't like something, even though it's actually okay, we will have to bend and be like the prophets
and change our own preferences. Even though Allah did not make it. That would be a huge problem.
So Allah azza wa jal opened this door, and made sure that we don't get too close in Lima to have Lima and Allah De Lima Lata is watching. I would argue here that the pleasing of the spouses is not limited to wives.
husbands, parents children in his life, the closest people are the spouses. Which is why and what's the evidence has this doesn't just apply to spousal? Because this was about the Prophet himself. So Allah, in the very next idea what Allah does is he takes the house, and then he does the specific and he's transitioned over to now ask for the rest of you, meaning the Muslims. What does he say? unfollowed Allah hula comb, the hell outta a monocle. And Allah has mandated all of you now. Because the first I was talking to the Prophet, the second time, I am talking to all of you. He says Allah has mandated on all of you to undo any of the oaths that you have taken. Any oath that you took that
something halaal you won't do anymore? Anything that was okay, and you just said no, no, just to make you happy. I'll never talk to my best friend again. Or I'll never do this again. Or I'll never do that again. You undo it. It's as of the IEA it is this that those kinds of promises are canceled, Nolan, boy, nobody gets to exert permanent oats on you like that. And restrictions on you like that. Except Allah that's Allah's place. Nobody else's place, no matter how much you love them. Unless you're doing something wrong. And if you're doing something wrong, Allah forbid anyways. Unless he is covering it up. It's expensive enough to cover all wrongs. So called follow the law. Who the hell
a mechanical Well, la Mola? Well, we're talking just a couple other things. And I'll wrap it up, it's
really interesting.
In this surah, this was the first issue boundaries, boundaries, no one gets to make me feel guilty except Allah.
And the only time someone else can make me feel guilty is actually did something wrong to somebody, because Allah wouldn't want me to. Otherwise you don't get to make me guilty, and I don't get to make you guilty. That's the first thing you owe that only and only to Allah. And Allah is very possessive of that. The second issue that Allah mentions is that the Prophet saw them shared something private, with some of the spouses.
Because husband and wife talk about things that nobody else talks about. They open up about things, and they share opinions. And there's and they're unfiltered among each other. That way, they are not with anyone else. So when he shares some of these some of these private conversations with some of his spouses, you see, the profit slice of them is a very important he's the most important person in Medina.
And let me tell you something about that role that you might not have thought about. He's not just a husband, is he? He's the biggest VIP in Medina. So when you know something, the Prophet told you that nobody else knows. You have special access, don't you have special access? I'm a nobody. In reality, I'm a nobody. But if somebody thinks I'm a big deal, and I sit with them, and I talk to them, and I tell them something personal, or I tell them something, I didn't tell anybody else. And they start thinking, oh, you know who I talk to? You know that guy.
You seen his videos? That guy? You know what he told me, man? He told me that. Like, it becomes like a thing for you that you're connected. Because you know, in psychology we learn when you have access to someone important. That makes you feel important. That's why people like taking selfies and then posting them after taking a picture with the president or taking a picture with the basketball player or taking it because then then it makes you feel like yeah, see my connections? Yeah, we go way back.
Way back. My mother used to work at a boutique. She She started her own store in Dallas. And she had she wanted nothing to do with mining. So he's running this store. She sells these clothes and stuff. And this lady comes in. And she starts telling her Do you don't want any hon? And my mom just smiled. She didn't say yes.
She's She says, Yeah, we know him from when he was a child. We, we raised him and she's giving my entire childhood. So I don't know this lady. I moved to Dallas. 13 years ago, I was well into my adulthood.
And she's giving my mom an entire story about men. She showed a picture I took with her family in some event
that on which you built an entire narrative. The problem that occurs is that when you are connected to somebody important what happens nowadays in politics, there's a leak from within the White House. There's a leak from within the governor's mansion, right, somebody in the family decided to gain importance for themselves in the private information. Right. Now, I don't accuse the Mother of the Believers, any mother the believers of doing this, but you have to understand when the prophets lie, some share something with you. It's highly confidential. And by his example, what happens when your husband shares something with you, when your wife shares something with you, that's not for your
bros to discuss.
That's not for your friends to discuss. That's not to that's not a conversation between you and your mother. Now, that's not the conversation between you and your sister now
because that was confidential, it was between you and him. Unless it has to do with some serious wrongdoing or something, then you get responsible people involved. A lot of times I'm going to share these things, people just want to go to the exception. Right now, what if it's a strict stream situation? Yes, we all have common sense. We're not talking about the extreme situation, we're talking about the rule. The rule is what is shared between families stays inside the family.
But she wanted some of the spouses or one of them, she sent it to somebody else. Now, other people know, the prophet doesn't know so much, that his secret or his private conversation is no longer private. In some case, in some sense, it was broadcast, but Allah revealed, attended by Allah from the unseen, Allah told him by the way, the private conversation you had is no longer private, it leaked from one of your spouses. But Allah did not give him all of the details out of out of the whole out of the Amba. So the Prophet size comes to his wife, and then kind of lets her know, by the way, you didn't keep that a secret who spoke to someone into you.
So what he called her out, because she was supposed to keep that to herself. Now, somebody calls you out, when you weren't supposed to tell anybody. What's your first reaction? Well, your first reaction should be I'm sorry. You're right. I messed up. But you know, people are defensive by nature.
It's hard to accept when you're wrong. The best defense in sports, what do they say? So when you guys we're playing basketball outside the best defense is what? offense?
So if you're going to be put on the defensive, hey, you shared something that you weren't supposed to the best defense is offense. So it's human nature. So what does she do? She says Menaka who told you? Or whoever told you? I'm so mad at them?
They can't be trusted. The irony of that statement?
My number Takahata who
who ratted me out? Who didn't keep my secret that you told me to keep an eye didn't keep but I told them to keep and they didn't keep it?
And then he says no, any of it will be the one who knows everything. The one who has all the news he's the one who told me Ah
Oh, that came from Allah.
We're never going to have that one. You're not going to come to your wife and say by the way, I Know What You Did you like Who told you? You can do
that's not for you.
But the what's what are we learning from this is what What is Allah mentioning this? Like, this is really a private drama situation, right? We would call it that. There's a conversation. We don't even know what the conversation is. Allah didn't tell us actually what the conversation is. He chose not to tell us. Why because anything can fit here. Something serious, something small, but it's a matter of trust. It's a matter of trust. So it's the opposite is the wisdom of Allah. It's the opposite of what happened in the last in the last ayat, why do you take something halaal and make it haha. And now there are some things that are wrong.
Like what? Like breaking the trust between spouses? And why do you take that which is wrong, and then you make it what?
Beautiful. This is such a balance the institute gala scribe.
So now it's come out Allah is the One who in for me, you need to admit your guilt. Allah that speaks directly. It's so beautiful. This sutra has three audiences. And I'm going to take five more minutes and wrap this up because there's lots to talk about. But I'm going to wrap it up real quick. Three things you should remember about the store and it's just 12 by reciting with contemplation, Inshallah, you'll get a lot out of it.
The first audience is the Prophet himself, you saw that right place.
The second audience is the wives of the Prophet, they're also listening while this is coming. Now. That's also pretty obvious. And he's going to talk to them directly now into Dubai in a lie, but that's a lot lucuma he's gonna start talking to two of the wives of the Prophet. Five, and later on, he's gonna start talking to all of them, not just two of them, all of them. Okay. So the first audience is the prophets later on the second audience is the wives of the Prophet system. So so far, it's just a prophet in his family.
But there's a third audience, guess who that is?
The third audience is asked the OMA. We were given a private webcam inside of the prophets life and Allah commenting on the situation. Why would Allah expose a private matter in the prophets life? So Allah Allah said, the only time as a rule you should know this the only time we learned something about the prophets, private life, Sodom is because that situation in some way, shape or form will take place in your life.
That is why because everyone's entitled to privacy. Even the Mothers of the Believers are entitled
to privacy, and it will be pretty embarrassing for them to know that these ayat are being recited by all of Medina, you understand that? Right? Whoever these two are about them, everybody's reciting the ayat understanding and prayer, you know, and the you know, call it man, I'm bajada. And she's standing in the prayer behind me.
Awkward luck. You know?
That's not an easy thing. They've been called out forever. Why? Why is it luck put that kind of pressure on our mothers, those are our mothers, by the way, right? Allah declared that those the women we're talking about right now is my mother and your mother, we have the utmost respect for them, we will sacrifice ourselves for them.
Why would Allah put them in that position, because Allah only exposed the private parts of the Prophet life, prophets, socialism, and especially in the Quran, he did so because he wants you to understand something about your private life. And if you don't understand it, the bigger things that are expected from us and Oman, the big things you're supposed to handle as an OMA, you will never even get there. Because you didn't handle the stuff in front of you. You didn't create the right boundaries inside 1000 profound wisdom, and it's a sacrifice those women made. It's a sacrifice that was even made of the prophets. I saw them that some of these matters were given out, he would never
do imagine the prophets. I said, I'm going to the member and saying, by the way, I told one of my lines of secret and she told somebody else would you imagine that? Whatever happened? No, no, this is the messenger about who tells us what when Satara how Satara Hola, como por when Santa Muslim and Santa hula, Yeoman piano whoever covers a believer Allah will cover them on Judgement Day, you don't think he would cover his spouse's. In fact, Allah declared in the Quran, Khomeini bussola. Como, give us the Honda you are their clothing they're covering they are you're covering, I hide your flaws, you hide my flaws, that is the one of the fundamental goals of marriage purposes of marriage.
And yet Allah expose this private situation. Why? Because we had to know, I emphasize that because we should appreciate that when our mothers had to go through these ions, and experience that embarrassment, that is a very heavy price that they paid. So these ions are not cheap. They're very expensive,
though they paid in their personal life to receive this. So we can have this guidance so we can learn from it. And so when we overlook these, if it's like, we don't value what they went through, we have no appreciation of what they had to go through. Like, give us that appreciation. May Allah make us really empathize and realize what it is that Allah is telling us in this book. Right? So then finally, I, I'm going to end this with my two minutes. And I mean, two minutes. It's not like a Pakistani, two minutes, two minutes,
is like, Allah says, to those two words, the women that had wives, or mothers had shared the secret.
He says into two by Allah, He has
heavy words, man, if you both repent to God, and your hearts are inclined towards doing it anyway, so Allah is now describing the internal struggle of somebody who gets called out. I'll say that again. So long hashtag the internal struggle of someone who
gets called out inside me and you there's a, there's different people. There's more, there's a person there's a version of you inside was pretty good friends, which came on. And there's another part of you that hates Shabbat, that has a good conscience. And there's an internal struggle inside the heart of the our mothers was more inclined towards you know what, he's right. I did something wrong. I need to repent. But instead of saying you should apologize to the Prophet, because you violated the prophets, privacy, his secret? What did Allah say? Allah said, You better repent to who? To Allah. You know what that teaches us? That when you and I respect the an honor the privacy
of the marriage, we're actually obeying Allah and when we violate that we're not we're not offending our spouse. We're actually offending Allah Himself. And nobody needs to be made to Allah, into tuba in Allah, He for Consular to Luma when Kawahara and he for him, Allahu Allah. Now that's the other inclination. What's the other inclination? You can gang up against him? Oh, yeah. Well, if I gave this, if I told the secret, what about all these other times? What about all the pressure that I have to go through? What about all the things I have to put up with this? You know, four days, we didn't even eat food. We didn't do that. Like you can. You have an arsenal? You can say what about
this? And what about that deflection? The best defense is offense. You can do this in conversation. If somebody calls you out. You did something wrong. You can just say you're right, I was wrong. Or you could say, oh, yeah, I was wrong. It wasn't wrong. You deserved it. You deserve even more. Actually, what I did was a good thing.
And let me tell you, you're going to
Tell me what's wrong. Let me make you a list of all the things that are wrong with you. So if some of you some of you I don't know why some of you are crying It's not a spiritual hook but there's something else going on.
Some of you dare to tell your wife was wrong
and a nuclear explosion that follows the radiation still eats you up now when I talk about it like a you really you relapse.
The hook but I had to hear after that still rings in my head. So the next time and what's the purpose of doing that? I keep telling you the best defensive offense, she might be getting this offensive because she's making sure you never call her out on anything again. And then you can do that to her. She says, Hey, that was wrong. What you did the way you talk to my dad, that wasn't okay. The way you talk to my mom, that was disrespectful, the way you did this. It wasn't and then you're like, Oh, yeah.
Let me let me get ready, hold on, let me stretch.
And then you lay it on or thick and what is the point of that you better not be able to say anything ever again.
This is actually a psychological tactic that people use in abusive relationships and studied in psychology, that you get gaslit when you are corrected, you get gaslit by the other when you're corrected, and Allah says that inclination you should make no buy against the study in the mental health sciences today. Allah exposed it in sort of 13,000 millennium and a half ago, in the toolbar in Allah Hi, consult coloboma, when Allah I mean, if you want to get aggressive, if you want to get confrontational against him, that Allah is his protector and God and all the righteous believers are gonna back him up, meaning you're not waging war with him. You're not winning some domestic
argument. This is a war against God and His Messenger all of them. That's not you. You can't use the saya bro. You can say by the way, if you talk back for in Lucha Malaya, would you be
ready for you? That's for Allah's Messenger. And I want to tell you finally why now, and I said two minutes. I lied. This is the two minutes. Okay.
So
let me tell you why.
The prophesy seldom has the heaviest burden ever that had to be carried. Yes. Nobody will have a heavier burden then the Prophet of Allah.
I know the mic has been corrected. It's really interesting. So I'm gonna wait to finish. That's it. It's my years of experience. Whenever somebody is fixing something while somebody is talking. Everybody's staring at the mic. Like it became the most interesting thing that ever happened. Like some of you were like, wow, it goes up and down.
I want one of those, you know, anyway, what was I saying something about Islam.
Last two minutes. That's a
lie. Yeah.
Next hole. But truth is very important. Okay, anyway.
The prophesies of them had the heaviest burden ever carried.
Allah has given him a responsibility heavier than no human. No prophet was even given a bigger responsibility. The Quran
and his mind and heart need to be calm and clear, to be able to receive the Quran and deliver it along with all of the other responsibilities I outlined in the beginning. And if even our mothers give him a little bit of drama and a little bit of stress, it can compromise the efficiency of what he has to do outside it can drain his energy candidate. Spousal arguments, do they drain the energy you nobody has an argument with their spouse and says, Wow, that cleared my sinuses. You know, nobody does.
It's, it's exhausting. You can get physically mentally exhausted. There are people I know when they get in an argument they fall asleep.
Allah will not allow that to happen with His Prophet. So he says, If you keep this up, I will make him divorce all of you, as
you can killer who was
explicit because the word of Allah is more important than any of this. So he he laid that down for the Messenger of Allah. So those were the best wives ever. That's the best husband ever. But that doesn't get in the way of the responsibility Allah put on him. Now we don't have that responsibility. And
so we don't get to use that as a weapon. We don't get to call Josiah. We don't get because we're not in his face. It's very costly in the BLS. You and me that's how it began. But what we learned from this, what we learn from this is, there will be issues in home when you are not living a life of purpose. And it is the higher purpose that is more important than all of the daily drama.
You have every one of us every every one of our families, every one of you has a purpose. Something more than just your own builds something more than just raising your own kids. There's some contribution you need to be making to the Ummah to
The deen of Allah to humanity, something more that's greater than yourself. And when you are both committed husband and wife are committed to that purpose, then your, your personal dramas will become smaller, because you're occupied with something more important. And you will not allow these things to exhaust your energy because something worth much more is worthy of your energy. How many people here you guys are living in a very expensive part of Florida. I know I check real estate listings, okay, this it's not easy to live here, you have to save up a lot. You have to bootstrap, you have to make a difficult move you have, it's not an easy thing, to build a home for yourself to
start a life with a family to afford it to provide an education for your kids. Those are investments you made into your family. But you know what, as a believer I also know a just like you had long term investment plans for this life. That I need to also have long term investment plans for the next life with my family. They're gonna leave this home and we need to be building that next How do just like you guys check real estate listings and Oh, I like this bedroom this living room. I like this neighborhood. Well, this one has an HOA this one even has a gate. That's what you're looking at all that stuff. You know what, the same way we have a home to build in the US.
It's no, it's no shock that at the end of the surah Icod, Allahu Allah says productively and the waiters and the cabeza agenda. Build me a home in heaven. It's no surprise this is the same Surah that says
Save yourselves and your families from fire meaning build a home in heaven get get yourself and your families away from hell. How will you do that? When you as a family live a life of purpose. When you do that, then the daily petty things, those meaningless things, those in or do you know, do we say Nietzsche buffet, like lower thing lowly things, they will not preoccupy your mind. You will not care. They didn't give me Chai, and they didn't give me this and they didn't invite and this one made a comment. They looked at my shoes. And did you know that one was wearing not matching socks, I'm I'm insulted, whatever, you come up with all kinds of drama, but that drama will disappear
because you're living a life of purpose. And allows them to make all of you live a life of purpose. And make your family at the harmony in your family. The relationship between spouses, the most beautiful thing so when your children grow up, they see mother and father loving each other and respecting each other and they say that's what I want when I grow up. They don't see mother and father fighting each other insulting each other cursing each other's family and that's all they learn and they they follow your son now later on in life. You know, this is what it means cool and for sakawa
So the prophesy someone has given us Allah has given us this beautiful guideline, let's contemplate it. Let's put an open heart discuss it with our family. Let's try to end conflicts in the family. Let's try to create more harmony in the family have real conversations with the family and I pray it brings peace harmony and joy in all of your lives. Hello and welcome to find a way
to respond
that's even more awkward.
Something about me in Texas, okay.
And it's amazing recitation.
So I was asked to
entertain you with a couple of questions and answers. So those of you that
you can ask I will give you a fair warning. I don't often share this publicly but there is a I don't know if other speakers have this. I know that I do. Typically when I give a lecture I like to have question answers off the mic. So what that does is it lets you guys kind of be more relaxed you don't feel like everybody's staring at you. You don't have nightmares about this is gonna Replay at your Lima
it's just easier. But also there's a there's a point in the evening where I have a switch inside me it turns off and after that switch is turned off if you ask me any questions, you will probably get the worst answers imaginable. Like once that switch is turned off and somebody comes to me and says Hey brother, how do I become a better person? I say looking at you I don't think that's possible.
That's only after this which is not yet
but anyway, if you guys have any questions, I might be able to answer yes.
For my anything there's three different types of dreams people can have his dreams from God your dreams, based upon our imagination or like experiences and there's the some shake off right? Are there any examples from the Quran or the Hadith that show intersectionality between the streets which it might become confusing to decipher between the three
Okay, so there's a question. Yeah, I'll repeat the question. So the question is from from your understanding there are three kinds of dreams in Islam, reach from yourself. Dreams, meaning from your own imagination, your thoughts, your anxieties, Dreams From the devil, and dreams that come from Allah to dreams? And is there is the Quran describe any kind of cross section between them and eater and the interplay between them? How are you supposed to make sense of dreams.
I've been a student of Quran, I like to think fairly seriously for about 22 years. And from what I can understand the dreams that Allah decided to put a lot of stock into or dreams of prophets that were given as Revelation. And so there are three of them mentioned in the Quran that are related to each other. Outside of that the Quran didn't really emphasize this. Summer has mentioned it, there are narrations about it. But my personal position on this and you don't absolutely don't have to agree. We Muslims in general, in many of our cultures, we take things that are not explicit, or you know, very clearly laid out in our religion, and we turned them into an entire science. And on top
of that, unfortunately, we also turned them into an industry. So it becomes a dream interpretation industry for a mere donation of $5. Towards my, you know, Facebook ad campaign or something, I don't know. But I don't personally put a lot of stock in that if you are seeing dreams you can, your heart will let you know if there was something good or bad. I personally know in my own life experience. I can't speak for anybody else. By the way. Two questions that I get asked the most, what do I need this baby? And what is my dream need? Those are the two most common questions I get.
And I mix the answers together I said you'll see the answer in green for what you need your baby this combined.
But the what I would like to say is that I know in my personal life, some of the biggest changes I've ever made in my life, were the results of the dream. And some of the most heavy emotional and even more unrelated experiences I had were actually in a dream. But it's not because I have some expertise in the subject or because I went to NASA scholar I just knew this means something this is significant. And I do believe that Allah when he wants to give any kind of inhabitants sermon that you won't need an expert to tell you, you will know you'll just have a feeling and you will know and if you are close and sincere in your worship to Allah, then you're not going to get some outside
thing coming in. Now, it is also true that we deny we don't openly deny, but practically deny the role of mental health and psychology,
and our diet, and our sleeping habits. All of that affects your dreams, all of that affects your sleeping state. Right. So we have to you know, bring our lives back into balance. Our religion is actually about balance. So watching out for things like over eating and over sleeping or under sleeping or excessiveness in anything like excessive screen time and things like that. All of those things we have to cut back from an inshallah you won't see nightmares anymore.
Yeah. Yes. Couple more questions. Yeah. Oh,
my question is
everything. Yeah.
Yeah. So there are some
like
to pick it up. So looking so somebody
wants to wear gold or silver, but there's no mention of this. Okay, I'll repeat your question. Just question is that Allah declares certain things haram in the Quran. And the Hadith mentioned some other things that are haram that are not mentioned in the Quran, like wearing golden silver for men, for example. And what do I say to somebody who's doing that? Now? I'll tell you what I personally say to somebody who was doing that, and your answer does not have to be my answer.
I don't believe that someone who is on their way to learning their religion needs to be given the guidelines, the way that we expect a practicing Muslim to have a god. I do not believe this to be the case. I believe that Islam is a transformative religion. In other words, people are allowed to grow intellectually, spiritually, morally, psychologically, to the point where they mature enough and they can practice more and more of their Deen as they come to an understanding. I don't tell somebody to make those drastic changes right away. So for example, if somebody was considering Islam, and they had a drinking problem, hypothetically speaking, clearly, drinking is forbidden in
our religion, but that will not be my first conversation with it is the beliefs of this religion. The teachings of this religion, the connection to Allah and this religion would be the first conversation
I argue this based on the following even though Islam itself is completed haram will always be haram and I know what to make it. But my argument is as follows The Sahaba were the best of all generations, and they made more sacrifices for this religion than anybody will ever make after them. And Allah did not expect them to give up alcohol throughout the Drina
to throw up Makassar club maca and he did not give him expect him to give up alcohol while they were making edge on one of the greatest acts of worship for Allah. And while most of Medina Medina life was going on, Allah did not explicitly prohibit alcohol, he did it in stages. The point that I extrapolate for that from that is that if the best people that ever lived the most spiritually connected, willing to sacrifice people that ever lived, that were companions of the Prophet slice of them, were given time to wean off this addiction, were given time to deal with something culturally, women were not told to wear that job in Makkah. They were not they they made hijra, and the
headcovering was not part of our religion. The prayers have been revealed in the headcovering still hadn't been revealed. That came in sooner to noon, and so to Lamsa. That's way later on. That's like 1617, maybe even 18 years into the revelation, a revelation that is 23 years. So what are these women doing? Like, if you saw women in Makkah, the best women of Islam, if you saw them in Makkah, you'd be confused, like, how liberal are they? Because the marker of if somebody is following Islam now is the law of Islam. But the law of Islam is followed after a transformation happens. My personal interest is in transformation, because the neurons interest is in transformation. So when
someone like that who's rockin gold, I would never have a conversation about gold with them. You know, what conversations I would have with them about making money, the legitimate way about taking care of family buy those kinds of things. And then when they grow enough, then there's time to have those kinds of conversations. I also don't like public conversations about halal and haram. And I'll tell you why. Because that used to be a fitna Anyway, before now it's even bigger. Because we live in the world of social media where 1000 people have 1000 opinions. So it actually such conversations, create more confusion, and create more like endless debate and actual solutions. So
my recommendation for anyone who's mature enough in their religion, now they're committed to their prayer, now they want to learn more. At that point, I would say that you need to now spend time sitting with a scholar to come to certain conclusions, to reach a certain place. And even if I come to a conclusion myself, I don't share it with you guys. I study a lot of stuff I don't talk to you about. I don't I think it's irresponsible. Because I'm studying it for myself. I'm not studying it for you. What I do study for to share his Quran. That's what I studied to share. Other stuff that I study, I study for my own enrichment. And that would be my approach for anyone. But we can talk
privately also.
Yes, actually, let's give the sisters a chance. And I'll come right to you and the sisters wanna? Nobody right? I thought so.
We have a classification for backbiting.
Because sisters talk, what are you gonna do? That's a summary, right? Am I getting that correctly? Okay. Is there any definition of backbiting? Because sisters talk. So here's the thing. Let me tell you something litmus test. The first test is if you if you have a friend who says, I don't like to talk anybody, and I usually mind my own business, like I'm the kind of person who likes to find their own business. But you know, the moment you say what, you know, that's backbiting.
That's like the first witness that like running the other direction. Okay.
But more seriously, you just have to imagine that person did easy. If that person about whom you are talking, was there with the conversation go the same way and would they be offended or not? Right? And if you feel they wouldn't be offended. That's fact.
It doesn't even have to do with whether it's true or not. You know, I look at him the he didn't graduate high school. You have to do another year.
I think, no, but it's true. That's what happened. Why I can't speak to Huck.
Unless that's what the last hope is. So I'm speaking, and I'm saying he, you know, it's no you're you're backbiting you're truthfully, backbiting and now you're trying to sound Islamic about it too, which is worse.
You know, so it's a simple test. It's the same actually empathy is the biggest litmus test. Would you want to be spoken about in that way? Would you want to be a topic in that list? Easy. Are these beautifully easy? Yes.
Today
I agree with you about someone
with a drinking problem the first conversation should be about
the
drinking alcohol
gradually
that's a last question here. When
received the final stage of Assyria, He then ordered all the Muslims and the Muslims immediately responded to that by getting rid of
where we come in as loosely as follows
We don't imitate the way Allah subhanaw Medina has done it we imitate what
was done when he had immediately executed Allah orders because a lot and do it anyway he wants to because that's Allah he's the creator he died badly he chose to do that is decree we as Muslims, we come in and we assume the law.
So
we don't have to, you know, that first conversation was, right, because leave it out for a little bit. Right. But we you know, we don't make
no i So let me clarify, too, because you your comment was rather long, so I'll summarize it. So the point that you're making is that a lot gradually prohibited alcohol, but the final commandment came in the Prophet SAW Salem absolutely implemented the law. So we don't get to take the gradual approach. That's Allah's mandate. That's not our mandate, we have to do what the final decree is and right. am I representing that accurately? Okay, good. So my so let me clarify first I don't say that ever in Islam, can I get to say that something is not that Allah has been haram, that's not gonna happen. That's number one. Number two, however, I will say that those who have a drinking problem
even though they that I know that it's haram for them, and naturally, most of the time, they already know that it's up to them. I won't allow them the time to actually seek rehabilitation, gain more strength, change their company, you know, there are people that are just surrounded by alcohol, like they are like, it's their oxygen, you know, so I need to give them room to be able to migrate away from that make a headline headline step by step right. So the Sharia hasn't changed. My approach to a person has an individual level and also the mandate for a society is different for the mandate for an individual individual that are Caponata cantata, we have to take that apart, even though if they
were to ask me if somebody asked me who's having a hard time giving up, I'll Hey, does Allah want me to give up alcohol say, Yeah, he does. Yeah. If somebody asked me hey, is, like expecting me to wear that job? You know, I'm not I don't know that much. And I'm scared of it. But is he expecting me? Yeah, I understand that you're not strong enough, but he's expecting you. Yeah, yes. That's what he said. You know, I can't change that. But that's between you and Allah. That would be my my approach to it. But thank you for asking for that clarification. Yes.
No, balls littering. What is the process that you like decided that you want to live like a scholarly lifestyle? Like always, really cool question. What's your name? Use your awesome. How do you use it for usage? Usage asked me what process made me decide that I'm going to live a scholarly lifestyle that is profound and hilarious, because I do not live a scholarly lifestyle. I love a PlayStation four lifestyle.
But let me just tell you, I just I absolutely became fascinated with the Arabic language, I became absolutely fascinated with the study of the Quran. The way that I got introduced to it was very transformative actually, I had nothing to do with living a conservative life even. And I just got exposed to the Quran in a way that was just life transforming for me. And I just had to know more about this book. And so this became a labor of love for me, along with a life that I already had, like I was in college full time, I was working full time. I was in the tech industry already before I graduated from college. While I was working full time, I was studying Arabic trying to study the
Quran. And then eventually, I found my next love, which was the love of teaching. I just really loved it. And I tried it a few times that you can love something, but you're no good at it. Like you could love basketball, but you can make a free throw. Right? And you should not be like having tight dreams about the NBA. You should not do that. Because you should probably learn to make apps or something. I don't know, do something. But I loved teaching but that doesn't mean I'm any good at it. So I tried I tried my hand and I tried with a couple of people and I they came back to me and said hey, I teach how to university. And if you were teaching at the university, you'd get the best
teacher award. Like I got validation from people that were in the field, right
then I knew I was onto something. And it kind of pushed me more and more in this direction. But it took a lot a long time. And even now I'm, I have my own formula for how I study and how I learn. And for me to learn, I need to be in a state of like a peace of mind. And I do whatever it takes to be in a state of peace of mind, whether it's exercise, whether it's if it's video games, video games, if it's if it's being with family, and friends, and all of that, I will do that and then give 100% attention to the work that I do. But I know I can't study for eight hours a day. That's not me. I'm not wired that way. I can give an hour, two hours. And for me, those two hours of like, concentrated
work are better than eight hours of, you know, half baked effort. Right. But that's at least that's just my own weird formula. I know. There's a lot of hands, but
people are leading. Don't whisper that. That's important. People are waiting for me for the food to start.
That was important. I was waiting for people for the food.
Yeah, okay, I'll do one last one. And we will go eat. And I'll keep talking to you guys. I'm not going anywhere. Look, I don't know what Speaker experience y'all have. I don't work that way. I'm gonna hang out here until they kicked me out of here. I'm not going anywhere. So I'll give the sisters a chance. And then we'll talk to you guys off the mic. Yes.
Are there prayers that you can do for your kids to be a scotch and heard about who
are their prayers that you can do for your kids to be a scholar like me, please don't do that.
And second of all, let your kids be, celebrate what they have, find their talents, encourage them, filled them with flood them with confidence, give them a lot more fun. And let that go where it goes. Don't say I want them to be a scholar. Maybe they're not meant to be as familiar with engineers and make them a world transforming engineer. Oh, good. That's a service theme to write. And those of them that want to become a scholar that encourage that inspiration. But
I wouldn't want anybody to be like, Oh, I wish they were like me. I don't want that. I do want certain qualities in your the young people here. I want you to be confident. I want you to be driven. I want you to be harder working than anybody else. Anything you do you put 100 200% in it. Anything you do. I don't care what it is. If it's your religious studies, you put 200% If it's basketball, nobody dribbles it better than you. If it's if it's school, nobody, nobody hits the books harder than you. Whatever you do, hit it hard. Go hard at it. You know, we don't we don't accept mediocrity. This ummah will be a leader in the world when you guys start thinking like
leaders. It will not happen if that doesn't. So that's what I hope for you. Thank you so much. I'm gonna be hanging out with you guys so much.
Take us to the
interview ceremony.