Emotional intelligence in Islam – Episode 02 – Examples from the life of the Prophet Mohammad (SAW)

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Navaid Aziz

Channel: Navaid Aziz

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Bismillah al Rahman al Rahim

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al hamdu Lillahi Rabbil alameen wa sallahu wa Sallim wa barik ala nabina Muhammad Ali he was a big man about my dear brothers and sisters as salaam alaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuhu.

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The Messenger of Allah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, he tells us in an authentic hadith narrated in the center of a big merger, that the person who intermingles with people and his patient is better than the individual that withdraws from people and is not patient, the person who intermingles and is patient is better than the individual than the person that withdraws and is not patient. I want you to keep this Hadeeth in mind, inshallah, when you look at the origin of the word insane in the Quran, my dear brothers and sisters, there are different interpretations that scholars of language have brought forth. So the most common understanding of insanity is that it comes from nesea that

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comes from forgetfulness, and now forgetful mankind is that we know that we should be obedient to Allah subhanho wa Taala. Yet we forget to obey Allah subhanho wa Taala from time to time, and that is just human nature. But there's another interpretation of the word insane. And it being derived from onsea, which is the dependence on interaction, the dependence on interaction, that human beings cannot survive without interaction. And Allah subhanaw taala knows best but this seems to be closer to the truth than when you look at the story of Adam and he Salaam, Allah subhanho wa Taala had provided everything for Adam alayhis salaam in gender, the food that he wanted, the the beauty of

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Jana, the presence of the angels, talking to Allah subhanho wa Taala, all of it was there. yet either Miley Salaam, still has this desire still had this need of companionship. So Allah subhanho wa Taala made, however, from the rib of Adam, made, however, from the rib of Adam, due to his dependence on socialization and interaction. If you look at it from a criminal justice perspective, when the criminal is really bad in prison, what do they do to that criminal, they put that criminal in isolation, you put in isolation, as a form of punishment. And that is what ends up happening. So what we need to understand is that if we understand that human beings were made to interact, Allah

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Subhana, WA tada has given us a level of intelligence that is naturally there that will teach us to interact and socialize with other people. And this is known as emotional and social intelligence, this is known as emotional and social intelligence. Now understanding this very concept, we need to understand that in order to have a healthy relationship, you have to have perceptive, emotional understanding, as well as a large amount of emotional investment. So in order to have good relationships with people, two things are required. Two things are required perceptive, emotional understanding, as well as a large amount of emotional investment. So what does perceptive emotional

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understanding actually look like? This means that you're able to look at a person before they even speak. And you can begin to understand what their emotional state is, you can begin to understand what their emotional state is. So someone is walking in the hallway, and you see them with a frown on their face, you're able to tell that they're not happy, maybe not be able to tell that they're sad, or they're angry, or things of that nature, but you are able to tell that they are not happy. So you have to have this perceptive understanding, you're paying attention to people's emotions, you're paying attention to people's emotions. And then number two, you're required to have a large

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amount of emotional investment, you're required to have a large amount of emotional investment. Now, what does emotional investment actually look like? What does emotional investment actually look like? emotional investment, my dear brothers and sisters, is to understand what emotion that person needs, right there. And then. So for example, someone does something really, really well. And they're in a moment of celebration, what emotion Do you have to invest at that time? You're going to congratulate them and you're going to say a job well done. Someone's going through a difficult and hard time. What are you going to do at that time? You're going to console them and say, I'm sorry

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for your hardship. Is there anything that I can do to help tell me more about what you're going through? So that is what the emotional investment looks like? That you are looking at? What is my emotional response to this individual? And let me invest in it and let me invest in it. Now what's happening in our day and age, is if you remember the Heidi said, we start

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The halaqa with the individual that interacts with people and his patient is better than the one that withdraws. Our concept of withdrawal is no longer about I'm going to stick to my house, our concept of withdrawal has become, I will completely ignore you, I will completely ignore you. So what that looks like is you're walking in school, you're walking at work, someone is crying, you will walk by them as if nothing ever happened. someone's car breaks down on the side of the road, you will drive by them not caring if they are okay. You will meet people that you will look at their faces, you can tell that they are distraught, but you're not going to interact with them. Why?

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Because you have chosen not to want to be patient at that time. Interacting with human beings is very, very difficult. But our Deen requires that in order for a community to be built, it is based on these individual relationships that require perceptive emotional understanding, and a large amount of emotional investment. And that is what the prophet sallallahu alayhi wasallam showed at the highest levels, and inshallah today, we're going to take a look at that. Today we're going to take a look at that. What I want to start off today's discussion with is our understanding of humanity. What does it mean to be human? What does it mean to be human?

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There is a companion of the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam by the name of a lot of new habits and habits. One day he saw the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam kissing and as an unforeseen, they're sitting on his lap, and he embraces them, and he gives them a kiss on the cheek, and a lock webinar hybris He says, All messenger of Allah, do you kiss your children? Do you kiss your children, I have 10 of them. And I've never kissed any single one of them. I have 10 of them. And I've never kissed any single one of them. And the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam at that time, he tells us have mercy and compassion. And Allah subhanho wa Taala will have mercy and compassion

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upon you. So the fundamental interaction that we're required to have with one another is one of mercy and compassion. And even the companions of the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam from time to time needed to be reminded of that, from time to time, they needed to be reminded of that. So what is that merciful interaction look like as human beings? And how did the Prophet salallahu alayhi wasalam change this perception amongst all of them? Now, the first thing we'll have to understand is if you understand your own emotions, do you have do people in this day and age, have the emotional bandwidth to handle their own problems? Understand this question? Do people in this

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day and age have the emotional bandwidth to understand and deal with their own problems? What do you guys think?

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Are people able to deal with their own problems in this day and age? No, is everyone in pretty much agreement? A lot of people in this day and age they don't know how to handle their own problems. Now, why is that important to understand, if you cannot deal with your own problems, you will not be able to deal with the problems of others. If you cannot deal with your own problems, you cannot deal with the problems of others. So what is required first and foremost, is for you to understand that you are required to understand your own emotions, you're required to embrace your own emotions. you're required to change your emotions from time to time, or rather your emotional response from

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time to time. And that's what we want to try to develop is a level of awareness is a level of awareness. Now for the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, he had an easy task and he had a difficult task. The easy task was that when the prophet SAW Allah who I knew was said, and if he ever heard if you ever made a mistake in emotional awareness, Allah subhanho wa Taala would correct him.

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The difficult part was, was that it was this interaction that he is required to have with every human being had to be almost perfect had to be almost perfect. So let us understand this. The Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam was a human being that received revelation from Allah subhanho wa Taala. He's a human being that receive revelation from Allah subhanho wa Taala important distinction to be made. He would never make a mistake, and it is impossible for him to make a mistake and revelation in conveying the message and helping people understand Islam, impossible to make a mistake. But his human nature necessitated that from time to time, he would have human lapses

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from time to time, he would have human lapses. The most apparent example of this in the Koran is none other than surah Bursa. So if you look at Sharapova, the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam had such a high level of desire to give Dawa to the corporation get them to accept Islam, that when I believe in the tomb came to the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam the

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Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam gave preference to the ones that were not paying attention over the individual that was ordained to learn. And he probably sal Allahu alayhi wa sallam is reprimanded by saying, Abba Salah tawanda. Now why is that profound of the Lebanese? look to him he was blind he couldn't see the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam frown and turn away. Yet Allah subhanho wa Taala corrected him in such a manner that of delivering a Bill McDermott. No. Look at that. That the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam he's being corrected in this instance, that if he made a mistake in emotional awareness, Allah subhanaw taala would correct him when the incident

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happens. Now did Allah subhanaw taala advise him preemptively as well before anything happened? And the answer is yes. Look in Surah lm Ron, the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam is told when Oh, Quinta father in the valley of the land for vermin Holic, that if you were to be harsh and hard hearted with the people, they will definitely turn away from you. So even before something happens, department, sal Allahu alayhi wa sallam is being advised that you need to be gentle with people, you need to be gentle with people. And this is something truly amazing. Because in our day and age, if we have a lapse in emotional awareness, do people actually tell you, people won't tell you, their

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life will continue on, you will never realize that you hurt someone's feelings, and they will either hold it in their heart, or eventually they will forgive you. But you will never know that you made that mistake was what the prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam the easy task was that Allah subhanho wa Taala would correct him in his emotional awareness. And therefore if he made a mistake, he's able to reconcile, he's able to reconcile with those people. And therefore that keeps a healthy relationship that keeps a healthy relationship with the people. Now the difficult task of the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam is that he is required to interact with everyone. You know,

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there's no concept of Hey, let me turn off my cell phone, or Hey, you know, let me not tell people where my home addresses or Hey, I will read my emails at my time and interact on social media upon my time, the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam did not have that luxury, every single time someone came, he is required to interact with them. Well, I must say Allah for that 10 have someone come to you to ask you a question. You can't push them away, or turn them away, you have to interact with them. And this meant that the level of forbearance that departments are certain was required to have was at another level that we cannot even understand. But what the prophet sallallahu alayhi wa

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sallam achieved in emotional intelligence and awareness is something so profound, that if the average human being was able to have that level of emotional awareness and intelligence, it would actually drive someone mad, it will actually drive someone mad. And I want to give you an example. In the past couple of years,

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there's been there have been movies that have been made, where one individual is able to tell what everyone else around them is thinking. And there was a movie made more recently, and suppiler just completely slipped my mind that it was about a young child. And this young child is able to read people's thoughts, and is able to understand what they are feeling and what they're saying. Now imagine the young child has this ability to know what everyone is thinking, is this child going to be happier is this child going to be miserable, this child was absolutely miserable. Like before they even turn six or seven, they have like severe depression, because they're able to understand

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people's emotions and feelings. without them even telling. Eventually, we'll want to come and discuss that when people express emotion, very little of it is orally verbatim, like very little do we actually express what we're feeling, the vast majority of it we will internalize and only depict through our interactions. We'll talk about that later on. But this shows us that if you have the ability to see, and to understand what is deeply happening in the minds and hearts of people, you have to have a high level of emotional bandwidth to deal with your own problems, and then to deal with the problems of others as well. And that's what the prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam was

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able to achieve. That's what the person was able to achieve. So now when we talk about self awareness, or intrapersonal, awareness, and that's what we're going to talk about interpersonal awareness, being aware of yourself. There are four things that you're looking at. There are four things that you're looking at. Number one is your temperament. Number two is your mood. Number three is your motivation. And number four is your intention, temperament, mood, motivation, and intention. Now, what does this look like at a deeper level, a person's temperament. That is their natural state of interaction. If you could avoid them of things going on in their lives. What type of person would

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they be? Are they naturally easygoing? Are they naturally very fast paced? Are they naturally you know, just difficult to deal with? What is their natural temper?

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So you need to figure out what is your natural temperament. And if it's at a phase or at a place that you're not happy, learn to change it. And you can do that by changing small subtle things in your life, which is beyond the scope of our discussion right now. But it is something that is changed. Number two, is your mood. Now that something happens in your life, what mood Are you in? What mood? Are you in? Are you happy? Are you sad? Are you angry? Are you frustrated? What are you feeling right now? Number three, is your motivation. Understanding that what caused that reaction in you? What caused you to have that change in mood? Why did that actually happen? And then number four

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is your intention. Now that you have all this information about yourself, where do your intentions truly lie? Are your intentions truly in the best interest of your relationship? Or are your intentions and your own self interest? Or are your intentions in your selfish self interest. And this may be one of the most uncomfortable conversations you will ever have with yourself. But we need to recognize that up and until we train our nerves. The vast majority of our intentions are in our own self interests. open until we train our enough's. The vast majority of our intentions will be in our own self interests. So that is what intra personal awareness is about yourself. Now, when

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you apply this to someone else, it is called interpersonal awareness. It is called interpersonal awareness. So you're trying to understand what is the person's natural temperament? You're trying to understand? What is their current mood? You're trying to understand? What caused that mood? What is their motivation? And you're trying to understand what are their actual intentions in your relationship with them? What are their actual intentions in your relationship with them? Now the first question I'm assuming people will ask is, hey, are we not warned against looking at people's intentions? Did the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wasallam not prohibited this for us? So we have the

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example of Osama bin Zayed dolla dolla juancho that he's on the battlefield one day, and he's about to kill someone. And at that time, the person says La ilaha illAllah Muhammad Rasul. Allah takes the Shahada, yo Sam, those eight still end up killing him still ended up killing him. The Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam reprimanded him to such a degree that assignment moves aid, he said, I wish I'd only accepted Islam today. I wish I'd only accepted Islam today. Because the process and kept repeating, did you open his art and see what was inside? Did you open his heart and see what was in sight? So now how do we reconcile this concept of looking at people's intentions? versus the

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severe warning of the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam? Did you open up his heart and see what was inside? The way we reconcile this, my dear brothers and sisters, is that you look at the interaction of the Prophet salallahu alayhi wasallam with the people that abused him as a first interaction. So the woman that threw garbage upon him, the young kids that would curse him, all of these things, how do they probably sell a lot while you see them interact with those people? He interrupted them in such a way he would say Oh ALLAH forgive them for surely they do not know that he's presuming that these people have good intentions. They just don't know any better. So the

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Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam use this concept of intention is that people generally speaking, have good intentions. People are born with good intentions, they are raised with good intentions. But as life goes on the trials in their life, the bad relationships that they go through a changes people and their intentions in the relationships, and the Prophet sallallahu alayhi. wasallam learns to invest in the relationship so much that even those people would change their intentions towards the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, even those people would change their intentions towards the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam. Can we take an example of this? The example of someone being

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Amaya, the example of someone being Amaya. So I want you to look at those four things. We're looking at his temperament. We're looking at his mood. We're looking at his motivation. And we're looking at his intention. So one oh my Yeah, he tells me that the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam was the most hated and despicable of men to me. And the Fatah maka, he was the most hated and despicable of men to me and the atomica. Yet the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam was distributing Sorry, it's not fair to market is her name, this and her name, that the processor was the most hated of people to me, even after the fact.

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The most despicable people to me, and one day the prophets I said, I'm after her name was given out the Halima was giving out the spoils of war. And he saw in my eye, the desire for what he was giving out. So he asked me would 100 cameras make you happy? And I said, Yes. And I thought, am I

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It's amazing this man, even though I hate him, gave me so much. Let me cheat him some more. So I continue to show in my eyes that look of desire. And he saw it again. And he gave me another 100 camels. And I was amazed where is this man's generosity coming from? His giving as if he does not fear poverty. So again, I wanted to test his generosity now. So I gave him that look of desiring more. And he gave me another 100 camos. And at that time, I became shy to ask him for more, I became shy to ask him for more. And he went from becoming the most hated of individuals to becoming the most beloved. He went from becoming the most hated of individuals to becoming the most beloved. This

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is the story of Stefan van ommaya. Now, what do we learn from this, Stefan Molyneux Maja hates the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam as a non Muslim departments, Allah Allahu alayhi wa sallam is emotionally aware of this. He's cognizant of his temperament, anger, hatred, that is his natural temperament. His mood right now is one of greed. He sees all of the vanilla being being given out, he recognizes that there's greed in this man's heart by that desire that he's showing in his eyes, which shows us the importance of looking into people's eyes and being able to read what they truly want, the tongue will lie, the heart will lie, but your eyes cannot, your eyes will give you up

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every single time. And that is why one of the best ways to uncover people's lies is to look at their eyes, naturally to the wrinkles and the look that they give, you're able to tell if someone is lying or not. So he's recognized the greed. Number three. Now he knows the motivation. This man is greedy. How do I change this man's interaction with me? He hates my guts, I recognize that he's angry and hateful, I recognize that he's greedy, what can I do? What can I do? So the Prophet salallahu alaihe salam continues to give and continues to give and continues to give until you can't hate a person anymore, she will literally you kill them with love. And that is what the prophet sallallahu

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wasallam did with his hatred. So this shows us how the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam is using these tools that we were talking about, in fact, we should reverse it. Rather, we learn these tools from the interaction of the Prophet sallallahu, alayhi wasallam, with one being omiya, with his interaction with one Ben omega. So this shows us that if you're able to understand your own emotions, and deal with your own emotions, and build your own emotional capacity, eventually a time will come where you will have the upper hand in relationships, because no one can affect your emotions anymore. Unless you allow them to, no one can affect your emotions unless you allow them

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to, once you reach that state, through your emotional intelligence that you have developed and built, you can now dictate the reaction that they should have. It won't work all the time. But if things go into normal perspective, this is the reaction they should have. This is the reaction that they should have. And this is what we see, with Stefan been, oh my god, this is what we see with step one, Ben, omega.

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So now as you develop this capacity of emotional awareness and self awareness, what do we want to understand that knowledge of the self is the first step in developing self control, knowledge of the self is the first step in developing self control. So if you can understand what your temperament is, what your emotions are, what your motivations are, you will be able to develop your self control. But if you're not able to recognize what's triggering you, if you're not able to understand what your emotional state is right now, then you will never be able to control yourself, you'll never be able to control yourself. And that is very important in human interaction. And I want to

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give this example because Mashallah Nevada law. We have a lot of men here. So I want to address the men for a second.

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You come home from work, and you had an extremely difficult day, I want you to think about an extremely difficult day at work, and you go directly home, you come directly home, you open up the door, you say Bismillah Salam Alaikum you walk in. At that time, you see some mess on the floor, and you're like, why hasn't my wife cleaned the house? You tell your wife that I'm hungry. And she tells you I'm so sorry. But I didn't have time to cook anything just yet. Because I was busy doing other housework. Your child comes running to you. Your child comes running to you and wants to tell you everything that they experienced in school. I learned a new soda in school today. I had this

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interaction with my friend. Now all of this is happening. what is about to happen to you?

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You're gonna burst at the seams. You're like, man, I had a tough day at work. I don't need a tough day at home. Is there anything that you can do?

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To change the way that you react? And the answer is yes. If you know that you have had a difficult day, and you're able to anticipate that things are going to be difficult when you get home, what can you do to help resolve this issue? Number one, don't go directly home. That is true. That is so true. Take a pro, take a break, pause somewhere, if it means you need to go to Tim Hortons, drink some tea, decompose and decompress and then go home perfect. And that means you need to sit outside your house and your lot and make dua that Allah grant me sober, do it. But do not go into a situation where you're setting yourself up for failure. Do not go in a situation where you're

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setting yourself up for failure. So now that's like the, the how to deal with it. I want you to think of the emotional impact that this has the emotional impact that it has. If you walk in, and you see the house a mess, your natural reaction is judge, why hasn't my wife cleaned? If you go in with a cool mind, you're like, man, Mashallah, my wife does so much already. Let me try to help her out and you start cleaning up?

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rather than asking is anything there to cook? We may think this is a harmless question. But you ask your wife, how did you feel when I answered this asked this question, she will tell you, it didn't feel good, it did not feel good. Because it felt that you minimize the other things that I was doing. And also, it made me feel bad that I didn't have the food ready in time. So the best thing to do is, go to the kitchen, see if anything is ready. If anything isn't ready, grab a granola bar, grab some fruit have something just to control that hunger that you're going through. Your child comes and wants to give you a hug and tell you everything about their day. I cannot tell you how

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detrimental how important this interaction is. That one interaction can pretty much change how they will be as a father when they grow up, that one interaction can potentially I'm not saying it will, it has the potential to change the interaction that they will have with their own children. Because if at that point, you show them you know what I do not care what happened in your life. Naturally, they may grow up with that same interaction with their own children. But if you are able to, you know, emotionally invest in their day, and ask them tell me everything that happened. Oh, that's amazing. Congratulations on memorizing a new soda. You know, I'm glad you did well, on your exam.

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Did you have any problems or kids giving you a hard time? Just that simple question. Are kids giving you a hard time? As parents, we don't ask that enough of our children. We don't ask that enough. We assume that hey, if they're not telling us about it, it means that their lives are okay. But children in this day and age, live such high levels of relationship toxicity is something that we as the older generation, just watch out for the camera, I don't want you to walk in front of the camera inshallah. We live with such high levels of relationship toxicity, that we can't even imagine what it's like. So you're dealing with stress at school with bullying in real life. You're dealing with

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bullying on social media, you're dealing with bullying on your cell phones. There's so many other components that we as an older generation will not understand. So this shows us again, the importance of that emotional awareness and understanding and anticipating your response. If you know how you're going to respond, you have the ability to change that. And from time to time it means is taking a break and controlling your response controlling your response and that is how you develop self control. Now if you look at how Allah subhanho wa Taala describes the Messenger of Allah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam in the Quran.

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At the end of surah Toba

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Allah subhanho wa Taala tells us about the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam look at the job of Kumara Suleiman and forsaken as he is john Ulzheimer, and how he soon on a combined meaning or Oh for him.

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That indeed a messenger of Allah has come to you from amongst your own selves from amongst your own selves. It pains him, it causes him pain, to see the pain that you are going through. And he only desires that which is best for you. And he is he and he is indeed compassionate and merciful with the believers is indeed compassionate and merciful with the believers. Now, if you look at this intro, Introduction to the prophecy set up in sort of Toba. The first thing is that he is from amongst you, he is a human being just like you. Now if you analyze the life of the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, and his concept of pain, you start to understand that Allah subhanho wa

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Taala and his divine wisdom, allow the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam to feel and experience high levels of pain, not for the sake of punishing him or persecuting him, but for

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For the sake of making him more empathetic, but for the sake of making him more empathetic, and they want us to deeply analyze some of these incidents from a young age the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, his father passes away. His mother passes away. As he grows older, his grandfather that's taking care of him, he two passes away. As he gets older, his uncle Abu Talib that is taking care of him, he two passes away. Khadija rhodiola Juana, his wife, his supporter, his caretaker, his first true love, she two passes away.

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All of his children, his sons, and three daughters passed away while he is a life, his family members that recognize him as a mean the trustworthy one. They are the first ones to reject his message to block him and ridicule him. He arrives in Medina, and while a lot of people of Medina have given him this unprecedented welcome. There are tribes in Medina that turned out to be the most treacherous, the most treacherous and deceitful. That when the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam is about to be attacked by the people that exiled him and persecuted him. those same people decide to show their true face in that battle.

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And the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam has shown that you look at the example of thought if the deposit seldom is in his final straw, his final leg, these are the last people that can possibly help him. He goes into a moment of desperation.

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They to turn him away, pelt him till he's bleeding and he passes out

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all of this emotional trauma and strife. You would say that Allah subhana wa tada was punishing the Messenger of Allah and that he had committed a crime. No, that was not the case. Allah subhanho wa Taala wanted to develop a level of forbearance and empathy in the Messenger of Allah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam that as human beings cannot be developed, up and until we experience it ourselves, up and until we experienced it ourselves. And that is why one of the most profound moments of this is when one of the companions fathers passed away. One of the companions father's passed away, and he's crying. He's crying, because he passed away on other than Islam. He's crying because he passed

00:32:34--> 00:32:50

away on other than Islam. The Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, at that time did not take, you know, a moral loophole, where he said, you know, it's possible that alone might have mercy on him, you don't know where he's gonna go. And he didn't try to do moral gymnastics with him.

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He didn't also try to tell him you know what, don't grieve over the death of your father because he was a disbeliever. And you should only worry about yourself and your own regime with the law. He didn't take that approach either.

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But the approach the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam took was, Do not grieve, for surely my Father and your Father are in the hellfire.

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And that is a huge level of emotional intelligence, that what that man needed to hear and feel at that time was that he was not alone. That the Messenger of Allah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam had already experienced the pain and the grief that he was feeling. And that if you need to talk, I'm here to listen to what you have to say, I can relate to you, I can relate to you. So that empathy that is developed in the Messenger of Allah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam becomes such a strong attribute, that he is now seeking out the pain of people, and understands that if I can relate to the pain of people, and I can help deal help them deal with their pain, I will win their trust and

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their loyalty. And that is what happens with the Messenger of Allah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, that due to his willingness to empathize with people, he won their loyalty. We see this. And remember I was telling you about the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, that if we actually lived the life of emotional awareness that the promises don't match, our lives would be miserable. We see this in the example of the camel and the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, where one day the processor was walking with another companion. And this camel called out and grunts at the Messenger of Allah Salaam and continues to grunt. So the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam goes to the owner

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of the camel and says, sell me this camel. And the man says, oh, messenger of Allah. Hi, how can I sell it to you? I will give it to you. Now eventually, the man realizes that he needs his camel daughter to water his harvest and water, his crops. And the Messenger of Allah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam sees this. And rather than saying, hey, you gave it to me, Your word is a word. I'm going to take your camera now. The Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam says, keep your camel, keep your camel but understand

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Stand, that you're overworking your camel and not feeling it properly.

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And for this, you know this moment is very profound.

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What did the cameras see in the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam that he recognized that the pastor's son would be able to understand. And this is the type of perception that I'm talking about the type of perception that I'm talking about. And the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, in his ability to do something, he knew that he had to take action. It's not enough that you hear and recognize someone's pain, you're doing nothing about it. So he tells the man that Be merciful and compassionate to your animal. And this is something that's so profound, something that is so profound, because if that is the level of compassion we're meant to have with animals, how about our

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own families? How about our own friends? How about everyone else that we interact with? Now you look at this at a deeper level, look at this at a deeper level, just to look at Thank you so much. Look at this at a deeper level. This man owned the camera, this man owned the camel, he could not recognize the pain of the camera.

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Now, if you bring this at a personal level, how many husbands and wives live together, yet we do not recognize each other's pain. How many of us live such miserable lives, hoping that one day my spouse will ask me? Are you okay? Are you suffering? Yet we are just completely oblivious to what is happening.

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The Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam raises something to us at that time, that human beings have a floor and a strength. And that is an automation that is an automation. What does that look like? I want you to think about the first time you had to drive to your new job. You have to look at the map, get onto Google Maps and get direction. By now many years later, you can drive to your job and automation, you do not need anyone's help you don't need anyone's support. So much so that if there's another destination that you're going to, if there's another destination that you're going to

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that is going to surpass through the same route, you may end up taking the wrong route due to automation that happens all the time natural. So that is a strength and a weakness. Now if you bring this into relationships, let us firstly talk about our relationship with Allah subhanho wa Taala. Let us firstly talk about our relationship with Allah subhanho wa Taala.

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Think about the Salah, think about the Salah,

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you have prayed for most of your life, you come to Salah, you naturally get into automation mode. At that time it becomes a weakness. Because you read Surah Fatiha very quickly, you read the shortest sutra that you possibly can. And you're doing a disservice to the salaah at that time. And that is your relationship with Allah subhanho wa Taala. Now think about your relationship with your spouse in your family, you come home every day, you've developed a routine, you do the exact same thing, you come home, take your clothes, your shoes off, go use the bathroom, and freshen up, get something to eat, pray your prayers, then get onto your phone, get in front of the TV, till it's time to go to

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sleep. And you redo it. And this automation, now you become completely oblivious to the pain in the in your family, you're in your households life. So what we learned from this is that automation is a strength and a weakness. And you have to do your due diligence to make sure that in your relationship starting with Allah subhana wa Tada. You don't go into automation mode. You have to be mindful, you have to be present. You ask your spouse, what is the one of the most offensive things that you can do when you're alone with them is to be physically present, but to be emotionally absent,

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to be physically present, but to be emotionally absent. Similarly, yes, you may have done the physical actions of Salah, but your heart and your mind were present at work at school and the problems that you're having. You're not present in the salon. you're meant to be having a romantic dinner with your wife, yet your heart and mind or in sports or football or basketball or on your phone or at work. And you think yourself, man, I'm such a good husband, I'm taking time to time to be with my wife. No, it's not how it works. You have to be physically present and emotionally present. You have to do both of them simultaneously. And that is the true strength of a relationship

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that is the true strength of a relationship. Now if you look at the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam and how he interacted with his wives.

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There's something very profound, which is he's paying details to the interaction. He pays such intense detail to the interaction.

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So we have the example of eyeshadow della hotel and her wedding Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam in his conversation with her. He says, Oh, I wish I know when you're angry with me. And I know when you're happy with me.

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She starts to cheer up, she starts to smile. And she says, Oh messenger of Allah, how am I when I'm angry? And how am I when I'm happy? And you probably saw Allahu alayhi wa sallam says that when you're angry, you say by the Lord of Ibrahim, you will do such and such and by the Lord of Ibrahim such and such will happen. And when you're happy, you say, by the load of Mohammed sallallahu alayhi wa sallam such and such will happen, and by the load of Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, you will do such and such, and I shall have the Allahu taala on her in her amazement, but in her quick wittedness, she responds or messenger of Allah, even though the name may change on my tongue, that

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love for you will always remain in my heart, that love for you will always remain in my heart. So many lessons from this one interaction. Number one, is that the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam is taking an opportunity to talk to his wife outside of a necessity. Often, in this day and age, husband and wife will speak only when there's a problem that needs to be solved. There's no concept of Hey, let's just talk. Number two, the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam is so confident and comfortable in his masculinity. He's able to talk about emotions, you know, men, we tend to get offended when our wife or our mother or our sisters will ask us, hey, let's talk about your

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emotions. How do you feel about that? You're like, man, I don't want to talk about my emotions. Like why? How dare you ask me about my emotions. And this is part of that culture that used to exist at the time of the process, where we're starting to misunderstand not only what it means to be human, but we're starting to misunderstand what masculinity actually means. We're starting to miss understand that. So the persona was so comfortable and confident in his masculinity in his humanity, he's able to talk about emotions. Number three, is that the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam is paying attention to the subtleties and his wife's interaction. So he's recognizing a change in

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speech, he's recognizing a change in speech. So when she's angry, she's saying, The Lord of Ibrahim, when she's happy, the Shang the lord of Mohammed, which shows that our interaction with our wives and with our family members has to be beyond just a surface level interaction has to be beyond just a surface level interaction. It has to be, you are my spouse, and I will recognize everything about you. One of the common complaints you often see on on the normal some TV shows is that a woman gets a haircut. And she's like, you didn't even recognize that I got a haircut. And the man's like, Man, you know, what did you do, I don't know what you did differently. Your departments are so dumb, is

00:42:42--> 00:42:51

saying that that level of interaction is part of your love for your wife, that you will pay attention to the details of your wife.

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Number four, is that emotional awareness, divorces and recognizes that there are times where I showed her the last one, I will be angry. And there are also times that she will be happy. And both of them are acceptable. In this day and age, often, we expect people to always be happy. You always have to be happy when you're when you're interacting with me. If your other than happy, leave me alone. go deal with your problems. Come back to me when you're happy. So it's a very conditional love. And that's something that we're not allowed to have with our family members with our children. And then last but not least, the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, he doesn't put her down. He

00:43:31--> 00:44:09

doesn't put her down because she says the Lord of Ibrahim, how dare you mentioned the lord of Ibrahim, when I am Mohammed salallahu alayhi wa sallam. He doesn't put it down for that. He's like, it's perfectly fine. That's who you are. Do you do you? And he also gives his wife the opportunity to the last response. And for me, that is something really profound. Because when you look at arguments in this day and age, regardless of who you're arguing with, what do our egos tell us? You will only truly be victorious. If you have the last word. You'll only be victorious if you have the last word. Yeah, the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam is teaching us people are truly victorious

00:44:09--> 00:44:28

when both parties are happy. People are truly victorious when both parties are happy. So you look at this level of interaction of the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam with his wife. You take another example of Santa Marta de la Juana, and I can't see the time. Can someone tell me the time 904 if you look at the example of Santa Marta de la Juana

00:44:30--> 00:44:59

when she would get into her Oh, actually, let me start from the beginning the prophets of Salaam was one day laying down with him, Santa Marta de la Juana. So there's no intimacy. He's just laying down with her. And then on cinema rhodiola one ha, she gets up and she changes her clothes. And he pauses tell them he asks her own cinema, has your menstrual cycle started? And she says, Yes, so messenger of Allah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, and then he wants to send them invites her back into bed and she says tells her they'll come back to bed.

00:45:00--> 00:45:42

Let's spend some more time together. So many more lessons learned over here. Number one deployments are seldom recognizes that the fact that she's changing clothes into a particular clothing is for a reason. Number two, is that his love for his wife, his level of cuddling and spending time together Together is not conditional on intimacy is just natural affection. And then number three, is that it is at all times is not only when he wants is that he recognizes that as human beings, we want to be held, we want to be hugged, we want to be cuddled, so it's on her time as well, when she wants it, he will show that level of affection to her. Now, there's quite a bit I still have left to cover.

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But let us skip to

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the last section inshallah, that is skipped to the last section. So the last section talks about what if you're not willing to acknowledge your emotions? What if you have lived your life your whole entire life, just neglecting your own emotions and not recognizing them?

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Eventually, you will crack and eventually you will break down. That is the reality of it. Allah subhanho wa Taala did not create us to not recognize our emotions. And this is something that it leads to Super Fishel relationships. So there's a stain in the Arabic language, an African tech fee, Alicia, that intelligent person, it suffices him just to give a gesture, you don't have to explicitly tell what you want, or what you desire. It's sufficient to just give a gesture, people that do not deal with their own emotions, and ignore them their whole entire lives, till they're ready to emotionally implode. This has an impact on their relationships, where they have to

00:46:49--> 00:47:30

explicitly be told what they are feeling. So look, again, at the interaction of a husband and wife, the husband tells the wife, just tell me what your problem is, like, he sees her crying, and he's trying to console her, she's not stopping. And he's tried everything that he thinks he can do. And then eventually says, just tell me what the problem is. And she responds, if I have to tell you what's wrong, then it doesn't even matter anymore, I have to tell you what's wrong, then doesn't even matter anymore. Now, where's the problem over here? The problem over here is from both sides. The problem here is from both sides. Number one is that as men, because we're not encouraged enough

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to speak out our emotions, and recognize our emotions. That means we aren't able to recognize emotions in others, and deal with the emotions of others. And therefore, our level of communication is very direct and very literal, which partially we were created with. And partially we're conditioned to interact in that manner. And then from the woman's perspective, because she does not recognize that men are now being conditioned in that fashion and manner. She has not developed in herself, the emotional capacity to emotionally train her husband. She's like, if you're not at that level, I'm not even gonna bother, and she gives up. So both parties are at fault over here, both

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parties are at fault over here, which shows us the importance of developing emotional awareness in ourselves, and the long term consequences can have if they're not dealt with.

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And then I also wanted to speak about the languages of emotion, the languages of emotion. So there is a,

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an incident in the CEO of the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wasallam where Cabot nomadic, he had disobeyed the command of Allah subhanaw taala. And the prophets are so dumb in going out for an expedition and going out for an expedition. He made up an excuse, and eventually him and along with two other men, they were ostracized from the Muslim community for 50 days, no one from the Muslim community would interact with them, not even their own spouses. Imagine you're walking amongst people going to the machine back and forth. But no one is even recognizing your existence. Till one day after they had made Toba Allah subhanaw taala revealed the verses that they were now forgiven.

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cabinet nomadic he heard the chanting from the masjid and he realized that people were saying rejoice vocab Allah has forgiven you. As he gets to the mustard. Everyone is congratulating him while sitting down.

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But one companion by the name of Paul had been Obaidullah, he stood up and cabin nomadic. He mentioned this in the story. He says thought had been Obaidullah he stood up, and he gave me a hug. And I will never forget the gesture he did that day. I will never forget the gesture that he did that today. The lesson we derive from this, people will not always remember what you tell them. But they will definitely remember how you make them feel. They will definitely remember how you make them feel. So when we talk about the languages of emotion, there's two things to understand. Number one

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Understanding how people convey emotion. And number two, the importance of touch. Number two, the importance of touch. So if you look at psychological studies, when people express emotion 7% of it 7% is verbal, they will actually tell you how they're feeling. I'm, I'm hungry, I am, I'm angry, I'm I love you, I'm upset 7% 38%, you're able to tell by their tone of voice, by their tone of voice. So by your tone of voice, you will be able to tell what type of emotion the person is feeling. And in 55% 55% is facial expression, facial expression. So when we talk about emotional awareness on an intra interpersonal level, your ability to recognize the words of the people, the tone that they

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use, and their facial expressions, is very, very important, is very, very important. Which leads us to, are we able to express emotions, through the way that we touch? Are we able to express emotions, through the way that we touch?

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A man came to the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, and he says on messenger of Allah, my heart has become hardened, my heart has become hardened. The Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam says, caress the soul, caress the head of the orphan child, caress the soul of the orphan child. This is a solution for both parties. For the man, he recognizes, as is caressing the head, that I'm in the position of power. I'm working, I'm meant to have mercy and compassion towards the younger person. I'm in a position of privilege, where I was blessed to have a fatherly figure in my life, this young child doesn't. So this means I should be grateful. And those two things will soften the heart was

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for this young child, he recognized that, yes, I am weak and fragile. And I'm allowed to feel weak and fragile, because there are community members that have my best interests in mind. And that is why that relationship between an adult and a child is so vulnerable. It is so vulnerable, that children are emotionally traumatized, and terrorized through their interactions with elders, you look at why people run away from the machine is because as kids they were shouted and screamed at by the Imam or by other people in the masjid. And that developed a negative emotion in their minds towards the machine. If you look at the relationships that people have, with their own parents, when

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they become parents, they reenact the exact same thing because of what they have been through. So that conditioning is very hard to fight off. But then for the young child, after he sees this trust, he also feels that you know what, it's okay to feel vulnerable, because this person cares for me and loves me, and wants what is best for me. And that is just to the simple, caressing of the head. There was a test that was done, I can't remember his last name, Matthew, something you can find it in the book in Sharla, where they did a study on 212 people. And there's a partition that is placed between the two people, so you can't see each other. One party is given 12 emotions, and the other

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party is given like a blank paper. And then in this test, or this survey, the people that are given the 12 emotions, they're told you're not allowed to talk to one another. But you have to experience you have to express this emotion just through touching the person's arm. You can touch the person's arm in any way that you like. But you cannot tell them what emotion that you're feeling. Then after that is done, the person is meant to write down what emotion they think that person is trying to express through their touch. What do you think the success and failure rates were?

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It ranged from 38% to 83%, if I'm not mistaken, so 48% to 83%. That was the success rate where people were able to identify what emotion people wanted to express, just through touch, just through touch. And that is why this is something that is so profound in our faith, this concept of a Solomonic comb, and shaking hands. The Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam was the first person to shake the hand, and he was the last person to let go. And he would have a firm grip, as if he genuinely wanted to shake your hand and not let go. And at the same time, he's giving you your full attention, that I am here at your service. And this is something that was really profound about the

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touch of the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, psychologically, what else do we learn? What else do we learn? We learn that when you are physically touched out of love, meaning someone gives you a hug, someone puts their arm around your shoulder. Then at that time, your mind will release oxytocin, which is you know what, feel good, feel happy. And it also

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decreases the level of cortisol, which is the hormone that deals with stress. So that is the importance of touch. Last but not least, I leave you with the story of football club in America.

00:55:13--> 00:55:16

Where after the first America, football club nomade

00:55:18--> 00:55:23

he was in Mecca, and he saw the processor, performing it off. And as a non Muslim.

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He said, You know what, this is the ideal opportunity to kill the Messenger of Allah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, the ideal opportunity to kill the Messenger of Allah Sonam. No one is going to suspect it. And he goes forward to start to stab the messenger of Allaah Salaam in the back as he's performing it off. No sooner does he get closer, except that the process of them turns around and he says for Lola, and he says yes, so messenger of Allah.

00:55:52--> 00:56:28

And the Messenger of Allah says to them, tells him over Lola, seek forgiveness for what you were thinking, seek forgiveness for what you were thinking. And the Messenger of Allah Azza wa sallam, he takes his hand and right on the Chesterfield, olive nomade. He places his hand, and he doesn't say anything. But with that touch of genuine concern that obala you're on a very destructive journey right now. You're letting your emotion and your rage get the best of you. And I genuinely care for you. And I want what is best for you. That's what he's expressing in his touch on the Chester football club normally.

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And that tack time for the unabomber. He says that the Messenger of Allah went from becoming the most detested to the most beloved of me. So much so that as he was leaving, there was a woman that tried to seduce him. There was a woman that tried to seduce him before he even accepts Islam. And his natural reaction is that this would not please Allah and His Messenger, sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, and he walked away from it. And he eventually accepts Islam. And this shows us the power of that touch, the ability to convey emotion, just through touch, just through touch.

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There was one section I wanted to read for you, for those of you that eventually buy the book, we have one copy left, you guys can get it after the Holocaust. But there's something I wanted to read to you. Because I didn't I don't feel I I did justice to the topic.

00:57:18--> 00:57:20

Shake Michael Smith, he says,

00:57:21--> 00:58:04

we fail to realize that there's a high price to pay for ignoring our own emotional states. feelings and desires that have not been acknowledged and examined, will continue to haunt us and affect our behavior until we face them and deal with them appropriately. by ignoring our emotions, we slowly develop a lack of familiarity with ourselves. And this lack of familiarity leads to avoiding moments of inner reflection and contemplation. We feel awkward when we are alone. Just like one feels awkward in the presence of a stranger, just like one feels awkward in the presence of a stranger. So this shows us again, that whole topic of recognizing your emotions, and for those of you that

00:58:04--> 00:58:40

eventually buy the book that's on page 61, that's on page 61. So in today's halaqa, we took half of chapter two, there's just way too much content in chapter two, to analyze examples from the CLR. From the lens of emotional intelligence, inshallah, we'll take the second portion, next week bidding Allahu taala. And then we'll also get into the introduction of moral intelligence next week, as well. What I leave you guys with is what will be absolutely amazing, is now that you've understood this level of self awareness in yourself and others, recognizing temperament, recognizing mood, recognizing motivation and recognizing intention,

00:58:41--> 00:58:54

randomly open up the sealer, and read like five pages, and see if you can identify interactions of the Prophet sallallahu alayhi Salaam, with his companions were these are aware that we're in the process of them is, you know,

00:58:55--> 00:59:33

subject subconsciously doing this. And you'll see it's profound that almost every interaction it seems like it's a mathematical equation. Yet unless of I know it's Allah guided him in such a manner that it became his human interaction. And I cannot express to you the level of love. I've started to develop even further for the province I set up after reading this chapter. Like the example of the tree that cried. The pastor said I'm used to lean on a tree and given the football and one day in Medina is decided to build a member. And one day as he's given the football and the member from a distance, there's crying being heard, but no one knows where it's coming from. And the problems are

00:59:33--> 00:59:51

seldom identifies it as the tree. And this is like to the degree of water water, like it's being narrated by so many companions, you can't deny it, it's happening. And the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, he consoles the tree and he says, Look, I have not forgotten you, I have not neglected you, I still care about you.

00:59:53--> 01:00:00

And he gives the tree the option that either you can be uprooted and placed next to the member or you can

01:00:00--> 01:00:05

be uprooted. And you will be replanted in gender. And the trade shows there will be replanted in gender.

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And to me this is against something so profound, that over here we have this whole concept of doubt How do we know what happened, but the fact that it's narrated by so many people, you can't deny that it happened. So now you've gotten over that level. Understand that the level of emotional awareness that departments have a lot when you sell them had, that even the tree cried on the property and sell them turned away from it unintentionally. And the tree was given a choice either I can continue to lean on you and you can continue to stay alive, as long as the tree will stay alive. Or you can be replanted in genda.

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And the tree shows to be replanted in gender.

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I mean, these sort of incidents, you can't help but appreciate the level of love departments are selling behind for people and the level of empathy he developed. And the desire that he had to feel people's pain so that he can help them out of it, because he knew that part of his message was that people need to deal with their pain.

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And that is how they will become loyal.

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And in our day and age, if we can help people deal with their pain, they will be loyal, and we'll be able to guide them in the right direction. I pray that Allah subhanaw taala grant is fulfilled, and Allah subhanaw taala forgives us for our sins and shortcomings. Then Allah subhanho wa Taala allows us to implement at least some of the calaca dub of the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, and develop this emotional intelligence and awareness inside of ourselves and others as well. Well, Lahu tada Allah sallallahu Sallam Avantika Nabina Muhammad wa ala alihi wa sahbihi wa sallam