Family Series – Responsibilities towards our kids

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I shall not be continuing with the seat with the family series and those regarding the family and things that you know, things that take place within the family. And topics are related to this subject matter. Today, I want to talk about kids growing up within the family, and eventually the way we are our structure or the family structure, the way our house atmosphere is eventually already because our kids become the product of what the atmosphere is like. In a house where there is a lot of strict rules. In a house where there is a father of who was almost like a dictator in the house where domestic violence is the norm, the child grows up and begins to believe that these are things

that are normal is part of why eventually when that child whether that girl or boy, when that child becomes a mother or father, they are doing the same thing within their own homes also. That child the way what he sees is what is normal to him. In our cultures, in our culture back home culture is domestic violence is a norm in our societies. It is unfortunate and is completely against the teachings of the staff that teach them the Quran and the Sunnah prompts a lot by yourself. But when the child is growing up, he feels like that it is absolutely okay and normal. Why? Because I saw my father do the same thing to my mother. So when they grow up, and then eventually they can bury, they

do the same thing to their wives, wives, when they when they get ready for the very first time. It is that they are not coming into, they're not going to a home as a wife, they're going to another home as a slave or a servant. And that child, that girl growing up in that house, and being a newly newly wedded girl, and why she's serving her husband, she is serving her in laws all day long, that eventually when she becomes a mother in law, one day, she treats her new daughter in law the same exact way. It's a vicious cycle. It's nearly a vicious cycle. And what we've learned is that if we want our kids to grow up and show love to their kids, if we want our kids and my son to become a

great father, when he becomes a father to her father that really shows compassion, a father that shows love to their child, if I want my daughter to become a great mother and the ideal mother and a mother who will look after the therapy our children, it starts from home and it starts now. When we look at the proper cell Lombardi was setting up when we observe the scene on the console love it was very closely, we see that he was able to exhibit that compassion, that love that respect. He showed that compassion towards his family, towards his children. He always was there for his children. He was always there for his wives, people you know, in our society, and especially the non Muslims, I

would say that they're always attack, the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam that he has so many whites. But to me, that's not the fascinating part. That's what the thing that I usually give attention to. What I usually give attention to is that what a fascinating man this person was that despite having so many wives, he was able to fulfill the right of each one of them. There was not a single wife that said that Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa sallam never fulfilled my rights, or Muhammad Sallallahu it was us or Sunday gave preference to one

One over the other, there was not a single child at home. So nobody would stand up, who said that my father never gave me the attention that the attention he gave to another child. And this is something that we really have to give a lot of fun to. I talked about this in the past. And one time there is a case where your money machine of your love life, his father gave him something, and he came to the drum so long while he was set up. And the promise said to him, that whatever we can get into your money into the machine, if you're not giving that same gift to all your children, you're not giving to one time. Because when we show in our family, that we are giving what we are giving

preference to one child over the other, eventually, this creates sibling rivalry. This is a thing that creates a sibling rivalry. When these kids grow up, and they become adults, and they become parents, they disconnect from one another. They just connect why? Because dad was a child that that's how to do anything in the family, and he got away with it. And I will just breathe, and I will get out I was held accountable for that. So this is something that we have to braid this is these are these are systems in our houses that can no longer exist, giving preference to one child over the other, making different rules for different children. I understand, I fully understand that

not all children are going to be alike. You know, in our nowadays we have small families. We have small families long time ago, and each family you have 1011 children, you have so many children. And it was a serious, it was a serious challenge for the parents to be fair to everyone. But what we learn from the CEO that comes along right in the center, is that he never gave purpose for one child over the other. He was he was there he fulfilled the rights of all his whites. And the question is, why was he able to do that? I understand he's a prophet of Allah. But why was he able to do that? Is because when he was growing up, when he was growing up, he was shown that love and compassion and

also that's why when moms grew up, he has a love and compassion.

So when we look at the lines of problem solving, the very beginning in the very, very beginning. I mean, we talked about the attention that you got from Allah subhanaw taala. We know the blessings that Halima this idea of your loved one had was the direct beneficiary of the blessings of Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa sallam early on early on in his life, received the attention of ALLAH SubhanA wa Tada that one time.

She came outside, and she sees her daughter Seamus sitting there. And she says to her daughter, that is the it is the mid afternoon time is the midday time. And that was a time where all the animals do go inside to seek shelter. And she comes outside and she's upset. And she tells shame up that day, I'd like to tell you that this is the time of the day that you come inside the house that I told you that you will have to look after your whole issue, Brother Mohammed. And she says yes, but she says look at it. And she says that when I saw Mohammed, just wandering in the fields, and in the desert area, there was a car right above him, that wherever Mohammed says, He will walk this car would

provide that shade from the sun even though he uses his own child. Allah has given Allah showing that attention, that special attention you give him that special attention. But when we study about the Prophet, that after the incident where his chest was ripped open, and his heart was washed by two angels, Halima, Saudi had returned, the Amana when she returned Muhammad Sallallahu it was sent out and she told the mother, I've been out that we can no longer take care and you take care of the child. After that the love the compassion that I'm gonna show her son is amazing. Then after when his mother passed away, the lovely compassion that I'm going to put on your shoulder to the promise

of a loved one and suddenly you have a child that is says that it was the the chair, we're often looking for Germany's sit, no one had the willpower and the audacity to go and sit on that chair. Why? Because that chair belonged to often.

Even if a child came close to the chair, they would move that child away. They were no no as above and how to that chair. That's the royal cheer. That's where the look on upsets and problems sell all by themselves. You want to come and he will stand on the chair and he will sit on that chair and I'm going to look at him talk all his people there that can go home that come and sit on my chair. No worry about it. Don't worry about it. He's afraid he's my grandson. He's a very special person. And he would come and he would sit there up and move the knob a single time at school. The problem is that a lot of it was that went to him two years later, we're not going to look at it passed away.

Then the problem someone's not in the care of his uncle who bought it. And the love that I look on also short shorter crops are a lot more I was I was amazing. I mean, it's truly exceptional. So when we see that, folks, our son was grow he grew up in a family where there was always love come

Passion, peace, no fighting, he eventually grew up with those kind of boundaries also, and eventually, our kids will grow up, we'll sit with those same type of values. And so we need to really help our children develop those personalities, we need to show that love that that love to our, to our children, we need to create an atmosphere within our homes, that even if I understand that, if there are ups and downs, you know, in a way they get into arguments, that's fine. But even if there's an argument that takes place, it should be behind closed doors, not in for the children. You know, I was, I was reading a book one time that was talking about separating parents and

divorced parents. And that in that book, the author, he writes that even if two parents are separated, or they are divorced, if there as long as there's not a conflict, and there's not a screaming match taking place every single Monday, the children are still somewhat happy. Yes, they will be disappointed that mom and dad are no longer living together and are completely separated. But even living in a house, when they were children see that there's constantly a conflict taking place, this takes a toll upon them, then then when they go to school, they exhibit those kind of behaviors, that frustration comes out in different different forms. So we need to show that love to

our children, we need to feel that love for our children, and we show that love for our children. But there's something else that really has bothered me. And it's something that I've seen, and I have really observed and witnessed within our families, within our families. And that is the fact that we show so much love to our children, that eventually we have been we have made them so mellow, we have we have made them into such human beings, that they don't understand what responsibilities are. And we have made them so soft, so soft, that eventually when there is a difficult moment that comes in their life, they're not able to handle that difficult moment in their life. We hear the

stories. I mean, a lot of you brothers and sisters and brothers especially see this guy over here, a lot. A lot of the brothers have come from overseas, we hear the stories that I came to this country, I only had $1 in my hand, I only had one daughter right now when I came, I only had $1.

And now where are you today? How did that happen? We tell these you know, the chronicles of whatever your name is to our children. And what is the purpose of all that. And the way I understand the way I look at it is that we need to really prepare our children for the future, we need to create a sense of responsibility within our children also. So what happens is that

when, when I see there's so many things I see a man named one thing after another first thing is that we need to make our children more responsible about life, about the future, we need to hit them more responsible, ever everything that is that is associated with them. So for example, you see that parents are extremely rich, parents, they have a lot of money, and you want to show that love. But the point I'm trying to make all this is that life is broken. So mashallah we need to show that love to our children, but there has to be a boundary, there has to be a laundry, and then this is a very fine line that we have to walk, we have to show you how to teach our kids. Because we are their

mentors, we are their teachers, we're not there to give them orders over and do this, do this do that we should be there to train our children to teach our children to become their mentors. We should be the figure in our house, that when my child needs help, he can come to me, the doors always open easily come to me and there's absolutely no God. That is how we need to mentor our children. And that's the way that we can train our children. But going back to what I said, and what I said is that in a family where there is so much money, and that family is truly blessed with the other will we have generally seen is that parents go and divide their kids, you know, big, big

things on small achievements. Now I understand okay, fine. The child has graduated from high school. You know, he graduated when he went through all 12 grades. Now the parents, Richard, what does he do? He goes, he buys that toddler car. That's your choice, that's fine. But eventually, the way I look at it is is that if your child wants something, correct the responsibility within here, if your child wants something, you want to show them that love, but you got to also teach them responsibility. How do you show that love? How do you teach responsibility? If you're if you're selling What's that car gonna tell him? You weren't?

Learn how to become tough in your life. When they go to work and they have to do with their bosses, their boss VP has been in the neck. Okay, he may be rude, he may be unjust. Maybe, you know, he may not be fair, but when our kids go and they work in that environment

They both understand how difficult it is to come across money. They will understand how to manage money, they will understand responsibility. So going back to the example of the car, teach your kids that you want the car, I will give you this much money you put in this much money and then you can buy a car.

You can buy a car that and personally the way I believe you should invite your child a new car to begin with. Buy a child a used car, let Him lead let that person know that he or she learned how it is to use something that's good and how to use sometimes you have to be content with what you have. Because that adventure our kids never grow up and they want every single thing new. They demand thing. I love this new I want this view. Next week. The new iPhone is coming out. The new iPhone is coming up a bigger screen new features. You know the apple commit is taking place next week in San Francisco. When the iPhone is going to be released turkeys are going to come to you Baba that abou I

need this phone. I want this phone has this that first of all, I don't understand why did we buy our phones, iPhones? Why do we buy our kids iPhones? It's a smartphone. You schedule things, you take notes. Our kids use them only for games. Why do we need to remind them to play games at home, they have Xbox 360 At home, they have a ps4 at home 90 PSP is more than other people now right now as a ps4. So they have a ps4 on your Xbox 360. And then they have an adult DS yes in their hand. So when it comes to most of the games, they have give on their phone. So every single time they go there have some access to some games. Teach your children how to be content with the flip phone. We use

the phones when you are when in water, we use the phone, why can you not use the phone? They need only to contact you as a parent, they don't need it for anything else. Teach your children responsibility. If there is, you know, we that sometimes I want this to buy it, okay? Because what else do you want?

You want this, you want this

better car, and you get everything whenever they want, and you don't understand. They don't understand responsibility, and they don't remember what life is all about. They don't learn what life is all about creating a budget for your kids. If there's something that they want to tell them you work, you pay for your bills. And when these kids when they grow up when they move because now they have to make the money. Now they have the money now when they go beyond their limit of text messages, or do they go beyond the data of internet and they have to pay extra they have to work hard, they will then realize what it is they will realize, and you know what has happened? They will

say this, we have spoiled our kids to the extent that when they do get married and they become responsible, they don't understand what responsibilities are all about. They don't understand how to manage a family. They don't understand how to manage finances. They don't want to deal with the parents, that's fine. But then separately, they want to manage finances, a small problem comes in their mind and to keep up on the father. What do I do? What do I do? What do I do? We need to make our children stronger. When you either choose a stronger the way we grew up, when we grew up back home, how did we mature you grew up you problem free, tough society, in a very tough environment,

where you understand what money management was, and your parents taught you what money guys meant was. So this is the way we need rich eat orginal also we teach our children responsibility, that if you have to do this, tell their kids you know what you have to mow the yard, you have to fit you know, you have to, you know you have to mow the yard, you have to listen you have to that's your responsibility. And if you don't fulfill your responsibility, then you take privileges away from them. Teach them responsibility when they don't do it. When your kids graduate from high school. The only way I feel like that they should they deserve an art is that they have been graduated from high

school and the art of valedictorian student. That's the only that's the only place I believe that they deserve a car. Because they've worked hard. It's not easy to become a valedictorian student is not easy, but it worked extremely hard. So yes, thank you give them a big reward, buddy. How are kids? Once again, went back to the story I came this country with only $1. How are you able to manage your finances? How will you manage your finances? Look at your son right now. At his age where he is right now. Where were you? You work as adults right now. You have more responsibilities. There was a more tougher time and that afforded for you and your kids right now. Teach your kids how

what life is all about. Once again, that love is there. We have to show them that love, but at the same time we are continuously spoiling our kids. We split our kids all defined. You want a video game that you do by yourself. You want to be in your point of view by yourself and I was very young and it was a video game given the responsibilities in the house. This time by

At this time, these are your responsibilities, you have to take care of these different tours, then okay, I'll give you I'll give you a reward, or give them an allowance every single month. And don't give them too much. Let them learn how to save money, let them let them learn what money savings is all about. Let them do that on their own. You don't teach them yes, you can guide them, you can mentor them, but to not just give their children everything they want. Otherwise, they won't learn what life is all about. In our society, we want our children to get very divergent why because we want to protect their schema, we want to protect protect their ego, but we don't train them that

what life is all about acting and married, what life is when you get married and as a result, we see so many kids so many kids ages 2425 Whatever boys right now 2425 2627 Right now in this society that they have, they don't have a degree they don't have an additional five why because everything was so simplified for them everything was given to them so now they feel like that you know what that guy is going to pay for my wedding also but today I you know, you tell your child I'm gonna give some you give some also that's your big day. But then you understand what money maximum is. So may Allah subhanahu always ability to add more has been centered around Ellison behind we've got to make

archery more responsible. There are a few other points I want to make your shot will be given in the next part of the football vertical blog right now, but I think what we found out yesterday from him has come from a lot and he will it will send to

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that's one of the most famous books in regards to history.

There isn't that mentioned is is that when we hire, that when the person was going down, we all know that how somebody got married at the age of 25. But before that, when he was growing up, he was presented with some marriage proposals, this subject of marriage didn't come out. And from the sun, he's never given a vacation. Why he doesn't most of knew that in order for me to get married, I need to become responsible for myself. That's why the Prophet sallallahu I said, growing up, he began to work for someone else, you know, he first he first started the business with someone else, then you don't call somebody you took a step away from that. And then they don't want to do business with

your loved one. And even the very beginning to post a blog article so you can get into business, Khadija, this business contract, what took us quite some time later on when she observed the honesty of the promise of offer, it was up in his trustworthiness, then she looked into the possibility of gay marriage and so on.

But initially what the the hypothesized law by yourself and him working and even being responsible, tells us what that even when our kids are growing up, get them a job, they need to work, they need to understand what life is all about. And even homes a lot on ego center, you also have a lot when he would come back from a journey. When he will come back to the attorney. There was one person in this let's go back. Let's take a step back. When you know the story of the prodigal son when he was a young child, and he meant behind on the on the Haida said to have an audit that do not take your nephew to Syria and not take your nephew Syria because his life could be in jeopardy. So later on

now fast forwarding all the way to this point in his life we're not he's working he's working with for the Germans, so you'll love it. He had that time of movement and he intervened and he said that you cannot you cannot send my nephew to Syria for your business. And that is where the business will take place. So then you know that when he said that apology, even talk to him when he said that you want my son You want my nephew services that is going to come at a price you have given double commission than what you were giving anyone else and she appears she goes Okay, fine. I'll give him double commission.

You probably saw a lot of what he was saying he would come back, he would come back. And once he would come back for the Joe would get feedback from, she would get feedback from her. She will send another person I remember the name right now. But she was she was sent her slave to to vote with two token holders. So he will come back, she will get feedback from him. And this tells you also that a boss can always take feedback regarding their employee, there's nothing wrong with that is important to the system. So a lot more. So the next thing is that he wouldn't give you good feedback. And she learned pretty quickly about console setup. When jumping to this, there was feedback, he would do

things better, he always does things right. Great, great, always honest, they're always honest, staying in business. And when he doubled up the business might have that. And this is something that we deal with Arjun also, then you do business or you do to do a job, you do a great job, not going to work like you know, like you own the job, you have to work under someone else's supervision, and you have to abide by their rules. And this will only make them shelter. Because once again, it is not like that I can just train a horse, when

I read a job, it was pretty close to my heart, that alone was enough that you could get it from this guy. It doesn't work like that. So you have to work hard, you have to get a job. And this is what we need to do. And this is what most of you went through. This teaches us that there is something called responsibility. Now at the same time, what do we need to do for our children is to help them manage their time better. Also, how much time do our kids spend behind video games, video games, so much time they waste and you what they're doing nowadays, now these games are not beside them. There's there may be a soccer game and maybe a football game. They may be you know, these are games

such as Madden and FIFA and all these other games, that's fine. depends on the kind of game. But when our kids please parents, make sure you know what exactly you're buying for your students. I mean, I mean for your kids, you're buying, you're buying games like Grand Theft Auto, and you don't know what that is. But it's all about going and you get points by stealing from others. There's there's prostitutes and Booker's in that game. And you're buying those games for your children. You're buying games where and you know, there's one game off in the market and just called Call of Duty, or they will call it caught. Okay. And these kids be playing all day long. And there's a

literally, these games, when they're sold, they're sold, the break records every single year, literally to break records every single time. And this game comes out every single year, a new version of this game comes out every single year. And look at this, this is going and shooting for another audience. You're on one side, and you weren't and you have opposition, and you find out who can shoot each other the quickest. That's what this game is all about. And do our studies where children are the children, they know the names of guns and all these great things at such a young age, a such a young age, I mean, a student I mean, a child would like to know how many wives the

maximum height or what is their names, he or she may not you I mean he right you know, that what are who are the children it was was a lot of it was set up, but you will know the name of every single cut in that game.

And you the parents are buying these things for your children. And they're playing this all day long, all day long. So please keep in mind is that these are things that nominees waste of the time our children, and even when you want to have a fight, the kids need to pull off some steam, they study a lot of the new physical that look at my playing video games. First of all, it should be hard for you. Okay, number one. Number two is it should be within limits. It should be really within limits. That's why I talk about it from early on, every single time everywhere that embodies everybody playing games. So please make sure we teach our children how to manage your time properly.

Also.

Another thing that we need to do with our children is that to teach them how to be thankful How to Be thankful. There is a thunderstorm. The thunderstorm knocks out. Now I'm not saying that to say they're sitting at home, they can begin to complain. Oh my god, it's so hard. Oh my God wouldn't electricity is going to come back. Take your kids to the orphanages. Take your kids back home. Take your kids one time and show them how people on the other side of the world they live so that they have a better understanding of what gratitude is our kids don't know what gratitude is. They've never seen difficult times. Interesting is after a while is the end of the world nearly, and we

don't do anything allies. Look at overseas, how people are living. They don't have electricity sometimes for weeks at a time. And they're living. They're human beings also. So we need to be an you know, the whole thing. The whole point about this is creating responsibility in making our children stronger. Make them for the future preparing them for you know that one day you will get them

One day, you want to have a family, one day, you are responsible to take care of your family. Also financial responsibility, financial management, you know how to how to get through tough times in your life. These are things that we have to teach our children. And if we don't teach these things for our children, that is not love. That is our love. We're making them into, like, you know, people will work for them to become a girl by every single things they become, they begin to complain about every single thing in life. This is not how we're supposed to do. Even when it comes to our daughters within our home, teach them the responsibility in the house, how do you do things in the

house? I know that, you know, eventually when they get married, and a lot of cases wherever that a woman is at home, she's back in the house, the mother shouldn't be teaching the father Should we turn the alarm off. So that how it is to be in a house. Eventually, when you become when you get married one day, how will things be in the house, we have to train our children, showing them love is important. And that is really the great essential, but at the same time, there's a limit of love, there's a way to show love, and this is what we're doing nowadays in our society is not teach them love is making them more and more vulnerable is making them more and more, less strong and less

confident about themselves. They cannot handle any any adversities in life. So this let us take a lesson from this. Let's try to make our our kids more responsible. Help them you know, give them the ability or put them in a position where they can

manage their finances, help them manage their time, because it's what they have eventually in the winter time. There's nothing in the future for them and let's move on to all this ability to focus and hurt. We listen

to our children and the way that it is better than before.