Family Series – Communication Effective Listening

Alhamdulillah Alhamdulillah Nia that y'all Lima Savatthi Samia Sumati to be the show.

Jenny is a partner of theoretically Mubarak living in Wuhan for people to listen He was here and he will say, because you will find Jimmy the tsunami Dizzy Otto in which you can try and use their son said he said we should either call me or give me other VR as in support. When I started out he doesn't know why they will actually get a hold of me when when it's still in the Bahamas and Oh, my God. For the auto blog article with I left and put on Majeed what I mean bother our initial apology is behind me my romantic middle lie hidden dilemma. Welcome to formal or even unbidden, confirming How Big Five Four and one was filled up with Marcia with Phil fazer as in the Potomac Colorado law

in no volume located in southern Ohio would all be fine as the Perhaps you think that will law for everybody. Hadley, Muhammad Sallallahu wasallam are several morning with the title. But

for now, I'm my god.

Researcher by the brothers sisters, I began the football by sharing a hadith of so so it was going on with you. The Prophet alayhi salam was one time he studied with the sahaba. And he said that Allah of Bureau comerciais not tell you of something that is more better. And it has a higher degree than prayer than sloths, then so yeah. And set up the Sahaba Viola where I remember sitting around the Fogarty and somebody said, Oh, we Oh prophet of Allah. Indeed do tell us what is that thing that is better than all these three things. The problem solve it when somebody says, maintaining a healthy relationship. And then the promise of Lombardi was something he says that for in facade, the

database, the database that anything that severs the relationship, he had had the odd that it is something that shaves something off. Just like if I were to take a shaver, and I were just to just wipe it over my head, it was severed the hair from the body. Likewise, when the relationship of someone is not good, and they sever other people's relationships, and they treat others wrong, likewise, the say the good deeds that person is taking away from that person. In this hadith, the Prophet SAW Allah while he was sending by no means is he trying to bring down the value of salons in saliva and fasting. But when the Prophet SAW Allah while he was somebody is trying to do that he's

trying to give us the understanding, trying to help us understand that relationship, prayer, fasting, and spewing some apology all go hand in hand. There are people who comes in budget, there is absolutely dedicated to Allah subhanho wa taala. They achieve a lot of knowledge, they will teach others, but when they go wrong, they're absolutely different people promise a lot by someone said that these two things when it comes to family relationships, and you're a bargain for Allah subhanaw taala, they all go hand in hand. And this is something that we have to learn that when we when we do these kinds of things, so long while he was selling, he says he talks about this about Hadees that

the best amongst you is the one who is the best towards his family. Now, as you know, and I'm sure you've noticed, I've been given a lot of thumbs up buzz, whether it was before I move on last week I talked about this also things in football us that are related to the subject of family. But today I want to bring before you a topic that I've talked about briefly in the past.

I've talked about briefly in the past, but today in this book, Bob, and the next one or two goodbyes, I want to really emphasize my father's subject matter. And I really want to hone in on this why? Because the subject what I want to talk about is communication. That will any of you who have studied business or whoever going to college, you've taken an entire course regarding communication, an entire course regarding communication. Why? Because communication is very important. And it is that thing that keeps our family together. Nowadays when it comes to family, we feel like I do not need to learn about family. If I get married automatically I know how to become

the best I know automatically what it takes to be the best husband. When I get married. I know it takes to be the best wife. I don't need to learn about it. We feel like that we can be successful as a father, mother and husband, wife, brother, a sister, a sibling, beat without any effort. These things do require effort

In fact, I want to share with you a saying of a professor, his name is Dr. Steven duck from the University of Iowa, he says that relationships just do not happen. They have to be made, made to start major work, major developed care in good working order and preserved from going sour. To do all this a person needs to be active, skillful and thoughtful. So that's why it's very important that we need to learn, you know, if I want to know like computers, in the sense that you might want to eat for example, if I want to install Microsoft Word on my computer, there's a simple disk, you put it in your computer, into the into the into the disk drive, and you let the computer do its job.

What it is later, you have the entire program on your computer, we are not like that. There's no disk, I can just sit there and look at it. And all of a sudden, there's all the information, what it takes to be a good founding member will will be inside me. Or I will know how to become a great band member, we have to learn this, we have to learn this. Unfortunately, as I said earlier, we don't have families we feel like that I already know all of this is like the joke that someone told me one time that a person got married. And after he got married, he threw his computer outside the house. Someone asked him why you throw your computer outside the house. He goes, my wife knows everything.

Okay? My wife knows everything. I don't even need a computer. Someone asked him that at least one of you wife is out there, because I have a backup server, my mother in law, okay. So it's one of those kinds of things that we feel like, we don't have anything. So as I said earlier, what we need to honestly learn is about communication. How is my communication with others. And as I said, we take courses about communication, and it takes an entire semester, just to learn one aspect of communication, just one aspect. There are books, if you go to Amazon as search communication, you will find so many books, how to communicate with your spouse, how to communicate with your children,

there's nearly a book written, then how can you talk to your kids or your kids will listen? And how can you listen to the kids will talk? That same author has written another book, how to talk to your teen to listen, and how do you listen to your teens, we'll talk and if you have a teen, I strongly suggest as a parent, you should buy that book and read that book. And if you have young children, you should buy the other book, the how to how to listen, and how to talk to your children is very, very important. Absolutely important. When we go to work, our boss tells us that you need to if you need to you over communicate, but don't ever under communicate. You need to send out so many emails,

communication is the key. When we are at home communication is absolutely important. When we are at work, our boss tells us how important communication is when we are you know, when we're dealing with our family, it's important when we are going to school communication is important. Nowadays teachers are telling their students that the communication has to be open. If you cannot turn the assignment, let me know I will keep the communication on my end open by letting you know what are your assignments, teachers and students are they have that healthy communication, if you are separated, and there are people who are separating the Muslim community, and we Allah subhanaw taala help them

find a replacement for them also, as long as you're separated, and you will have to deal with your with your ex spouse. Communication is also important, it doesn't mean that you cannot get separated, the kids see this, once again come to us with the kids see this if you're separated, as long as your communication is healthy and mutual respect for one another, this still will be easy for the kids to manage and to to handle and to bear. On the other hand, when we look at the masjid way for those of you who have been part of the structure of a monsoon, how the committee's work, communication is important. When there is no communication, there is a flaw in the system. So I need to see you and

tell you what how important communication is. You all know how important communication is.

We have we have problems at home. We have problems at home. We have conflicts at home. If we have if we have a healthy dialogue with our spouse, this is the most important thing that can help us get through our problems in life.

Either the communication is open between our family. And keeping in mind is that communication is not only there when there is a problem. See, our mindset is our mindset is that I only communicate when there's a problem. No communication is there when there is a problem when there's not a problem. And in the families when there is no problem. There's two, there's two. There's there's two possibilities of this, either that the entire family is made in their mind

Maybe relationships based on the Quran and the Sunnah. Or if there is no conflict in the home, it could also be because the father or the husband is like Hitler, he comes home and second dictator there. Everyone is scared to speak out in front of them. No one has the right to speak out in front of him, I youngsters coming to me and telling me that there is something I want to tell my parents, but I cannot tell them, can you come and told them that I did this, I want to do this. So why because there's not a holding company, there is no healthy communication and being the channels are not open. Now, when we talk about also communication, there's only communication. So this is another

misconception within our community. And within our mindset, when we talk about communication, there is communicating. But also part of communication is effective. In proper listening, say, I can communicate my problem to someone. But whenever I'm talking to, if they're not a great listener, then the number one thing is they want to understand where you're coming from. I remember when I was I was attending a conference, it was only from Imams, and there was a there was a psychologist that came and he was talking to us, that when you counsel people what things you need to keep in mind, and what things should you refrain and avoid. And the one thing he said to us is that one thing that

we should avoid, and it's not only for Imams, but this is for anyone, anyone who tries to help other people within their conflicts. Or if there's a call or visit a complaint that has come to us

is important than when we are listening to the person. We listened to them from A to Z from beginning to end. What happens was is that when you listen to someone conversing with us, while they are talking to us, we've already made assumptions in our mind, we've already jumped to conclusions within our mind. We're not listening to the entire story. And see this is the Subhanallah the most amazing thing about the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam. Going back to the story about the investor who came to the Prophet Allah, you saw me he says, Oh Prophet, Allah, give me give me permission and permit me to commit Zina can permit me to consider the problems are some gems, he

actually sat there and thought, and he put himself in that person's shoes. And that is how he explained to him and how he communicated to him later on. And this is the most important thing, when we communicate, we we will be communicating. But we're not a great listener, we're not a great listener, we don't listen from A to Z, the entire story, we don't try to put ourselves and the person who was complaining, or the person who has brought us a problem, we don't put ourselves in their shoes, and that is very important when it comes to communication. Now. So we know that and communication is important. But now I want to go deep down into this subject matter. First of all,

is that when there is a conflict, remember, conflict is part of the equation. If someone is married, conflict will be there. conflict will be there. Whether it's a minor conflict, major conflict, a conflict regarding family mentioned is that the House purchasing thing, finances, there will be conflicts. But when there's a conflict when people come to me in my office, and they say that, you know, when we need counseling, or there's a family that needs that needs counseling, my first question, my very first question is, have the husband and wife did they sit down and they did they communicate to one another? Did they at least sit down and talk about it too, because communication

is just not talking about it is it said it's proper listening, is practicing and observing silence, to be patient and showing gratitude which is the engine of healthy communication, practicing Shula masala and consulting with one another, as Allah the holiday he talks about in the Quran, that was the nature of the Prophet sallallahu it was set up by Ravi you know, the process, you would consult one another. This is also the part of communication. Being assertive is also part of communication, the proper usage of words, is also part of the subject matter, and learning how to resolve conflicts. All of these things are part of communication. And so, first thing is that let's say

there's a conflict. And once again, it doesn't have to be only between husband wife, it can be between relatives. If you're between between two community members, it can be between siblings also. So if you're not married and you're sitting at the school, I don't say okay, you know what, this has nothing to do with me. No. Communication is involved in all aspects of life. So I know that siblings and fight they go hand in hand. Siblings and fighting go hand in hand and even after they grow, they continue to fight. But this is why I'm telling it there's one talking about this, that through communication we can resolve our problems. First one is the choice of words.

Whether we are in a coffin or not, is very important to understand how we are using our choice of words.

When I talk to my wife, when I talk to my children, when I talk to my parents, when I talk to any community member, when I'm talking to my relative, what is my choice of words, very important. See if I need to send an email to my boss, or I want to request some time off, for example, you know, if you're going for heights, for example, and you didn't, you didn't take off an extra minute to take off extra time, you are going to send an email to your boss requesting some extra time off? How would you ask your boss, we type out the email, we will read it 1015 times, we will go to the we will go through the entire store is trying to make sure that there's proper use of the words, we

make sure that the grammar is correct. Why? Just because I'm talking to someone who has an edge maybe someone was a stranger? Do we are we consider it? Do we think before we tell you we talk when we're talking to my children? When I'm talking to my family, when I'm talking to my wife, when talking to my husband in my thoughtful about this or not? What do we are told to do is that first before you say anything, think about what you are saying? What will be the repercussions of what you're saying? What will be the consequences of what you're saying, if I say it in this way. See, you just one map is one problem where there's one thing to say you can say in a positive manner, and

you can say in a negative manner is that same thing you're saying. But if you say in a positive way, there will be a positive outcome. You say in a negative way, there'll be a negative outcome, how are we communicating this? How are we creating this? How are we you know, I said faith first and then you say something, we truly are the complete opposite. We will say say say and then we smell like oh what did I say is the complete opposite. So whenever we use when they are when they go home whenever we talk to our family, making sure that there is proper usage of words. And so how about you know, when we look at the profile, this is not only when I'm telling you but this is the style of the

Quran, this this style of Allah subhanho Medina, in the Quran when Allah talks about making Moodle or achieving the heart and soul by Allah Allah says, Yeah, you want

to eat a salad that when you stand up to salad crops you will wash your face with ADHD and more often to your and wash your hands till your elbows were the ones that will be loosey goosey. Oh gee, let me make myself in your head and wash your feet. And then Allah says what to do when Fatah Hello, if you are in the city of Geneva means that you require a Muslim to achieve the Mahara. You're in a major state of impurity that Allah says, Allah says that achieved alojado not Allah does not explain he does not go into detail. How did you become in the state of major a major impurity? All of us have a high regard for learning that is when he says that

you do not believe that

profit once I have

my income to driven where income to Murdock, our suffering, that if you are traveling or you're sick, oh John, I had to medical meal. Oh, I must do when Lisa Fernandez do man for the young man who signed up for Kiba Allah Subhan Allah says that if you are sick or you are traveling and you cannot get in touch with water, you have no contact with water. And you have an end you have touched women. Or you went to the restaurant you relieve yourself. Then Allah says for bajo for the MO sorry that then you do the MO point I'm trying to make it all this is Allah behind everyone to detail that how do you you know when you when it says that you touch your wife? What does that mean? Allah Allah

knows that we understand that Allah never had to go into detail to explain that when he talks about being Coronavirus. We talked about how he never went into great detail about that. He never talks about things that are unnecessary. Allah subhanho wa Taala his style, the Quran and the Quran in style is such that Allah brings the words out which are necessary and he stays from words and sentences that are irrelevant. Likewise, likewise, the Prophet SAW THE ALMIGHTY was something he would do the same thing. He was saying very few words, but the meaning of those words or word the meaning of those words, were enormous. I mean, think about it that there are some ideas there is so

there's there aren't a hiding but as the explanation and those are Hadith are written in pages, why it is a political walkway was settled was very careful, whenever he would talk also, he would talk free less use of words with a lot of deep meaning. Whenever we talk to anyone, ours choice and our using the words should be

right when I'm talking to someone don't words that we should use the words that we should not use, I understand we make mistakes, we are human beings is not as if we were second six. But when we make a mistake, try to identify the mistake next time do not repeat the same mistake. The next thing is that whenever you try to communicate, somebody that's very important is that you have to put aside your ego. See, this is the most important thing I talked to families do you communicate with one another this week communicator. But when you communicate, how did you communicate, and so they sit down, and they start yelling at one another, they start beating up the past, what we need to do is

that when we communicate, there's less criticizing, there's less reading of the past, and there should be more of expressing feelings, there should be more of praising one another, that husband or wife or anyone who's involved in coughing, when they're communicating should praise one another. And the next thing is they should do more of is to come up with an action plan to solve the problem. See, when you criticize one another, then immediately the next person really is turned off, the next person is turned off immediately. When you bring up the past, then that will become your primary point of discussion. And the current situation will no longer become the discussion. So now instead

of resolving your current problems, you are going back in the past and trying to solve something what you have absolutely no control over what has happened in the past. So try to resolve the current. Hopefully when we resolve the current issues, the past will be taken care of also, and let's say praise when Mother appreciate one another. This is very important. But the third thing that's also which is part of communication is Shula. As I said earlier, the prophet saw love it was some he would consult with the Sahaba and Allah while in the Battle of trenches the Battle of as up I was so loved by Him some he consulted with the Sahaba Gowanda. Now, you know, in our families, our

concept of Shula is that the father sits there, what is your pain? What is your opinion, what is your opinion? Okay, all of your pain. I'm here your opinion, my opinion the best. Okay. And because we've already had this in our mind, SRE is about consulting with one another is what consulting with one another, see and listen to their feelings when they express their opinions and they're trying to justify it. Listen to them. This is part of the Sunnah of response to a lot of it was set up Cena. So as I said earlier, he was sitting and he's consulting with the sahaba. And this idea of digging up the trenches was not the idea of Rasulullah sallallahu. It was setting up. This was the idea of

sunlight, approximately a woman who said that in when we were in Persia, this was one of our tactics of war or Strategies of War that we would dig up the trenches from so assumption fine, he consulted he made a decision. When in the end, the Treaty of Navia, a tree and for Libya, Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, he is not facing opposition, I'm gonna say opposition. But right now at that time, it was a very tense moment when the treaty was written, and it was really a one sided treaty that the Buffon was saying that if somebody comes to monka, we will keep them if someone goes to Medina from Makkah, you will have to return them back. When Muhammad Salah when I was saying began to write

Bismillah on the top of the document when they were writing the treaty, then they disagreed with that. They said that and then Muhammad Hassan he began to use our writing he was allowed to write, he said that to write Muhammad Rasul Allah says, such and such, they said, No, we don't even agree that you are a student of law. So you have a right to have an even at the law. And that's why in the same in Sudan, in fact, when Allah talks about history and for Navia, he says, Muhammad Rasul Allah, that even though all the documents you may say, Mohammed bin Abdullah, but till the Day of Judgment, he is Muhammad Rasul Allah. And so in this is when all this was taking place, the Sahaba were very

upset, because it was a one sided treaty. It wasn't one sided treaty was clear. The Prophet sallallahu it was set up, he came to the sahaba. He said, sacrifice your animal should, you know certainly the animals in there might shave your head and come and relief and relieve yourself from your home keep up the Sahaba they were so they were so caught up in the moment that they just were in their own mind at that time, and they sort of overlooked the Oriole response, a lot of it was I would not say ignore because the Sahaba were never ignored. This was awesome. This was disrespectful. So they overlooked it for the time being. And so the mother saw some he was upset. He

came to his tent, and he sees over there, his wife only cinema from your wife or I have and he says to her that what should I do? What is the promise I'm doing? He is consulting with her. This is Shula. This is much more consulting with his wife, and she said that if you do

Look at the Sahaba will follow you. There is no more questions, you don't have to go to them again, you do. And so I will follow. And the boss and he took his advice. And you worked. He did and it's a holiday followed, they fall right behind resource overall by himself. So this is what we need to do what we need when when there are financial matters, when they were in very serious matters that need to be addressed within our family, we should not make into a one way street, you have to sit down with the entire family, whether the people who are sitting there, they have expertise, or they don't have expertise, just sit down. Why? Because there's so much benefit in this. First of all, it is

assumed that it was also a loved one, it was some and let's just say, you know, people did complain that Well, I took the opinion of my my husband, and I did this and right and it turned out to be you know, I suffered, or I took the opinion of my family. And I ended up suffering. First of all, is it remember this in the Battle of art, when Apollo saw worldwide some posted 50 archers to guard a pathway for those 50 Archers, they left their post, they left their position and they came onto the ground and for those of you who have been to Saudi and to the land on the ground, where where he where the battle took place, you will know exactly what I'm talking about. So the Muslims they came,

they left their position they came to pick up the spoils of war because of this action of theirs. The Muslims suffer. They suffered tremendously. Promise oh it was something he was upset. At that time I was behind the scholars they say that he I am Chirnside is a very big game of football putting my rock with him you know why he didn't tell him what to put the filter Medina unpin and Fogelman how they fought for I knew was still filling machine, Masha. Allah, Allah subhanaw taala Brahma so love it was the first one is Firefly. Do not first of all, is that this? You I know you're hurt by the heart. But let it go. Let it go. Do not do not be rigid in the heart. Do not be, do not

be tied to the heart forgiveness a hug of your loved one. It was a mistake that they committed. Let them go. He says fall for I mean, forgive them and then forget about it also never ever, ever in the future. Plus, don't feel alone and seek repentance on their behalf. And then he says what the it doesn't mean that Sahaba made a mistake now you know every consult with them. He says What shall hear from Ahmed even though he made a great mistake, you continue to consult with them. You continue to consult with him for either Assata Shakur Allah that when you when you made a commitment that you put your full reliance on let's have a hold on you can put your put your trust in Allah Subhana

Allah Allah and Allah subhanaw taala will help that person succeed. So we need to do this over and over again within our families. May Allah Subhan you all of us ability to acknowledge and center heard inshallah I will still mention one or two things more about massage and then I'll conclude my clip by Barack Obama and I went all the way to find out what yet again I stopped for a while and one of them will say he was here for stuff you know

and hamdulillah and from the line I'm going to start you want to start fiddling around with that you shouldn't listen to me yet

or make up for that head here that wants to Allah Allah we're gonna show you what it's doing the farmers and often what are suited

for the follow along the vertical with our left and what to look for by habit by their own relationship our team Mr. Daniel, Jorge.

In Allah monadic is always in the

sunlight he was sitting to sleep

alongside LM Hamid Mohammed Gonzales, Rahim Allah Are you like an emoji? Or burning? I love how much water? How much? Love avocados Rahim Allah Abraham and accompany the routine. Oh my god.

I was talking about shoot off outside of Moscow. One of the keeping in mind is that what are the benefits of matura and then consulted with one another first of all is is something that I was supposed to hold off while he was set up as a Muslim that should be sufficient as a reason for us. The promises some didn't. And that isn't. But to help us to help us understand this more. Shura consulted with one another, keep the family together and unite the family. And not only that, but is transcend it strengthens the marriage relationship between the husband and wife. When we consult with one another, even when it comes to a question, we see that people consulted with one another.

And then a final decision is made in that way. Everyone's heart is entirely everyone's heart is united. And this is something that that does not only even apply and say it should only apply to our marriage life. It shouldn't apply to all aspects of our life. This is a great SADHNA and it's a very powerful so ours was a lot of audio setup. So just to recap, what was the whole battery about it was about communication.

We need to learn. First of all, we need to learn how to become a better person, it has not come to us effortlessly. We we learn about communication, that communication is absolutely important. Without communication, no marriage can exist, there has to be an open channel between the husband and the wife. Communication is a two way street isn't a one way street. Also, when we talk about communication, there's so many different aspects. But today we talked about three major ones. We talked about the choice and the usage of words, making sure that when we talk to anyone in our family or talking to anyone in general, we use the proper words when we are communicating. Number

two is trying to make the company making a commitment to resolve the issue, resolved the issue. And then after that, while resolving the issue, putting aside our ego and trying to go out of our way to help solve the problem. And finally, the last saw the last wave however, one of the most important aspects of communication, which we talked about today was consulting with our family members consulting with with others, there are some other aspects such as such as being patient, such as showing our gratitude, and so on. We'll talk about that as we go on. And because Subhanallah we find each of these things that I'm talking about, we find him example in the life of us was that a lot

while he was and this is why this deep drops of water sounds like was extremely fascinating, that he noticed changes of our environment. He taught us about every aspect of life, when we talked about communication. And I said earlier that all of these communication that we talked about, and even in the textbooks when you say about communication, in most cases, you will find an example of communication in the life of us who was there alone while he was at home? That is why this man was such a fascinating man. To me, Allah subhanaw taala give us the ability to communicate better. When was behind us the ability to bring the sooner the commissar Lombardi was sucked into our life. Alone

was someone receiving. How long was that? Well, we'll see if you call him again.