Family Series – Taqwa, Love & Peace

Bismillah

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respected by their sisters.

The last time we gave a goodbye, it was in regards to family we started a series regarding family.

What did Allah subhanaw taala talk about in the Quran regarding family? What do we find in the prophetic traditions of us wa sallahu alayhi wa sallam regarding family, what things we can do to create that love harmony, unity within the family, and what things we should refrain from that can cause a decay within our within our families. Family, the assumption of family is something that we generally don't talk about. Although we find many things in lives of problems. So long running was setting up the things within the lines between the lines of the life of us was how long it was sending them that says lie that he was an ultimate family man, he gives so many he fulfilled the

rights of his family members. And we talked about this last time also. And it is fair that I go through I have you know, just briefly go through that because it took place some time ago when I spoke but and that was that in any marriage, there were three things aren't required. And inshallah we'll be giving many more fun buzz about the subject of family. But we talked about that there were three essentials. Number one is the bla bla bla is needed within every single family. And that means that a person a person has the consciousness and the awareness of Allah behind them with it.

And when we're talking about the law, when we talk about also when let me just let me take a step back. And before I go any further regarding taqwa, I also want to mention the fact that these hotbars regarding family, I am not directing this direct under this not directly to the husbands. Like I remember that day, I gave the chutzpah and there was a person, a brother who came to me. And he says that you are telling us that we're all criminals. We're not all criminals. Okay. I know. So you are very good to your families. But this is just a general message for everyone. Something that we can take from the life of us was a lot of it was unknown. And then he says that you should

address everyone. I said, I'm not addressing everyone. And then Coincidentally, he was telling me that I asked him, How many years have you been married for now? Actually, he told me I've been married for 40 years. And I'm very happy. At that same time. Coincidentally, his wife had got into the car and she closed the door. And then I asked him, How long has it really been? It's been 40 years, how many years do you feel like it is? He was 60 years. So it's something that every person goes through, we all need to improve on ourselves. We all have deficiencies. We all have weaknesses. So that's why that's one of the reasons that these kinds of subjects this kind of advice are very

beneficial for everyone. So going back to what I was talking about, that means to have the consciousness and the awareness of Allah subhanho wa taala. That means that in our marriage,

everything that we should do always remember that Allah is watching us. And as we all know that the way we would like to be treated and we should treat our spouse, likewise, I every single person, no matter you know, male or female, we all love to be treated with respect, with dignity with honor, likewise, we should do we should give the same to ourselves also.

We talked about the concept of abundant love. Allah subhanho wa Taala talks about this in the Quran, he says, Woman at a high level of human and physical, as wide as they have, which Allah made

them within the marriage also has created Melinda and Allah talks about this concept of love abundant love, even though many of us may consider the subject of love as a taboo.

object. And we don't talk about this. But we learned from a spa sallallahu alayhi wa salam that there were times where he went expressed that love to his own family, where he will grab his own children, his own grandchildren, and He will kiss them out of out on their forehead, out of love. So because there was a person that came to us last so long while he was somebody he says, I have many grandchildren by don't kiss them. And the problem is all of a sudden he took his own grandchildren and kiss them why? Because the profanity is I want to teach what is love. So it's not a taboo subject, a lot of talks about loving the Quran. But the next word I also want to emphasize today

upon is the word Allah says Rama which is mercy, that what is that thing is mercy. So when we talk about mercy, mercy and Rama has has many meanings, and it has many levels. With regard to the spouse, it means to exhibit mercy to his or her faults, and mistakes as well as protecting in covering their shortcomings. In fact, the word Rama, when we say the word Rama, and we analyze this word, we learned that this word comes in the word right, which is in reference to the womb of a mother, or the womb of any of anything of any female. And in this womb, it is where this child develops, this child grows without any kind of fear, it's a safe place for this child. Likewise,

within our home, we need to create an atmosphere of Rama, where there is no fear. There is no no one

hurting anyone else. No one is fearful of anyone else. I understand that sometimes you have to create that sometimes, you know, the mother and the father. They play good cop and bad cop. Okay, the mother, she you she usually plays the good cop. The father plays a bad cop. And they had to do that right one is lenient. One One is lenient. When it saw, the other one has to be a little more harsh. But at the same time, we never know we will. When we say the lack of the premises, we never find that people were scared of the promise of love it was. But today nowadays, it is such that as soon as the door opens everyone's rover come home late here. Especially if the father is right where

he scraped, he yells a lot. He's very physical with his with his kids. People get ready scared the family. As soon as that as soon as the Father enters that house, everyone is dead scared. Sometimes mothers have that kind of reputation in that position, right more often as the Father. At the same time, as soon as that person walks out their house.

And handling is gone.

The father says I'm going for business trip. Just take your time. No rush, come back whenever you want. Okay, why? Because it's that, that terror that's inside the house, that fear that's inside the house, probably. So a lot of it was something you never exhibited that kind of attitude. When people came when he came back in the home, it was as if happiness has come back into our home. As I talked about this last time that the family is such, Allah subhanaw taala says that the family should be a coolness of eyes, meaning that when people are with their family, they receive that comfort, they're able to find that comfort, that solace that harmony, that love that they have been missing out

anywhere else, they can find that within the family. So this is why when we say the word Rama, when we study this, in this, this has to be exhibited more within our families. Why because even when people when two people get together when two people, they marry each other, in the very beginning, they're new to each other. But as days go on as as days become weeks, weeks become months and months become years a year, and the years become a one year becomes many years. Each one, their deficiency, whether it's the husband or the wife, their deficiency, their weaknesses become manifest solely gradually. And if the Rafah if the console, Rama does not exist within a family, then there could be

a any marriage could slide into a baby struggle. It can slide into depression, chronic stress, illness, physical illness, mental illness, it could turn into every single thing. So that's why it is very important that Rama does exist within our families. But now at the same time, the question that many people may have may ask Is that okay, fine. If if Rama does is there, if Allah says that we have to exhibit that mercy within our families, well give me something that I can do to exhibit that mercy. So like last time, like last time, I gave everyone a, b, c, d and e if you remember that. Today, I want to give you again, a B, C, D and E and F also any B's

D D F, I want everyone to exhibit this. And really one thing for those of those brothers and sisters who are here right now who are not married, then this is something that you can make, you can make this within part of your characteristics you can make this part of your personality, you can make this part of your personality, he doesn't mean that is own for those who are married here. First thing is that one thing that the Prophet saw a lot of it was something that he would always do, which was a which was attention, he would always give his attention to his family. And when I say attention, I don't mean just, you know, haphazard attention, he will give his undivided attention to

anything he will do in his life. When we say that, I will promise a loved one who has said no, we there's something amazing, which is very contrary to nowadays, especially because nowadays, the more we say that the most productive person is the person who multitasks the person who can do 10 things at one time, is the most productive person. But we learn that the person who is multitasking and there's so much on their plate that they're not able to manage and they're trying to do so many things at one time, the switching gears between one thing to the next thing to the next thing to the next thing, there are very much prone to errors and mistakes, they are very prone to errors and

mistakes. That's why when we look at the life of the prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, we learned the complete opposite. Nowadays, once again, as I said earlier, that you do 10 things he's the most or she's the most productive person. When we look at the life of the prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, we find the absolute contrary, whenever he were praised a lot of his his attention was in the salon. Whenever he would come back home. His his attention was all to his family. He was no one can say that someone was more busy than them. This was a lot more it was Senator, today, we don't give attention to our families, right? A father is sitting there or the mother is sitting there and

the child is talking to them. And you know what they're doing? They're checking their Facebook account. They have smartphones, they're checking their Facebook account.

Did you hear me? I heard you. Yes. absolutely clear. You don't know what I say? I don't know. What did I say? I don't know. We have when we give attention to one another, we have to give undivided attention. When we sit at the dining table at night and we're having dinner to collectively as a family, then cell phones should not be allowed near the dining table. Self you should not be allowed whatsoever in the dining table, put yourself on to upstairs. When we sit together as a family we need to give our undivided attention. And especially this is something that a lot of people we need to take this very, very seriously, especially for those people who are very engaged in Majid

activities, those who are involved with positions in the massages, those who have responsibilities, as dalla activist maintains we're not able to give attention to our families, even when we have taken care of our responsibility. Once again, when we look at the life of the prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, no one was more busier than the life of the prophet, then the Prophet alayhi salam, yet, whenever he came back home, he never addressed anyone else, he will always sit at home, he will give his undivided attention to his children. And likewise, today when I go home, when my spouse needs to talk to me, that I should give him or her my undivided attention. If I'm very busy

outside with leisure responsibilities, and a lot of people get upset, you know, you will find a lot of spouses complaining, my husband is so much involved in the money, he doesn't have time for me. And that could happen that that can happen very much. Likewise, my wife is so involved in so many dollar activities in so many Dawa, you know, programs that she doesn't cook food at home, she doesn't have time for me, she doesn't do this, she doesn't do that. That happens a lot also. But then we have to create a system within our life, right? We have to create a process within our life, we have to understand that we have a family and I have to give the mind my attention also. So then

we have to create a schedule for ourselves also. And when I have time, and when in, in between. And within my calendar when I have family time, when I go home, and I sit down with my family, I should give them my undivided attention. Put your cell phones away, listen to your family, what they're saying. And this happens a lot. This happens a lot. Even as a human so many times there were times where I'm talking to my families. I'm outside with my relatives, my in laws, I get one phone call regarding the budget, and I'm out for half an hour. And that needs to happen. But then I realized that you cannot do that. And when you stress and when you look at the back of the book so long it

was setting up it sheds a lot of light and answering a lot of questions. No one was more busier. No one was a bigger dollar activist. There was less I love what he was. He was given the biggest mission of any profit, yet he was able to fulfill his responsibility as being a profit. There was a he was able to fulfill it his responsibility as being a family man, and he gave his attention to him.

his family members. And not only that, look at the life of the prophet having so many wives, there's not a single report that we find that any wife of the Prophet saw a lot of it was setting up, that we never got the attention from our husband the way he or we never the balsa wood, never whatever he was sitting with us. Never when we find that he had divided attention, whenever he sat with us, He gave us He gave us his undivided attention. We never find any complaint from any adult, my husband, many of you alone, non Nigerian, which means is that the Prophet, he really displayed the importance of giving attention to our family. So that's eight. The next one is B, which is to believe in your

spouse, believe in your spouse, there are times when this the husband is he's at a low point in his life. There are times when the wife is at a low point in her life. It is the responsibility of the spouse or the other spouse, to lift them up to give them that confidence and to give them that that energy and to really boost their confidence. When we look at the life of a sorcerer Allah Ali was salam at a time when the Prophet Allah Islam was scared when the very first time when he had received revelation. And at that time when he came home, and he was scared, he did not know what had just happened. It was who it was literally the Allah Lionheart who gave that comfort to the pump. So

love it was seven. She's the one who told the prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, that how could this happen to you when you are such a trustworthy man, when you care about people's rights, you think Allah would do something like this to you? She was the one who was actually there looking after the matters as well. So Lombardi was set up. In fact, the problem so long while he was seven, he says that Khadija gave me support when she showed me

gi problems that alone while he was someone says that when everyone would everyone has left me, it was the Vita who gave me the support when everyone did not trust me. And when no one trusted me, no, and everyone believed me, it was the little yellow line hat, who trusted me in my affairs in my matters. So that's why we see that the hola Monica, she gave that support to the sauce, a lot of money was sent them. Likewise, the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam gave that support to his own family members also. So meaning that within our life, there are going to be ups and downs, it is a responsibility on the other spouse, to bring that confidence and to believe in your spouse, and to

have confidence in them. The next thing is see, so we did a B now you see, and that is to care for one another, especially, you know, when we talk about caring for one another, I don't need there's only caring but I also mean, look after the house also do do something which is out of the ordinary. You know, a lot of times within our culture and where we come from, there's a general perception that the wife is in charge of the house. So the husband will come home, he will take off his clothes, throw it, you know, a t shirt in his corner, his shirt in another corner, he has another corner, you know, come you know, he's reckless, he's reckless, he comes home, he doesn't clean up

after himself. He doesn't do anything. You know, a small turn is both areas particularly you don't fix this up, okay? Do this do that. I don't take care of this. He's like a dictator at home. Literally, he's like the dictator at home. He doesn't take care of anything. He doesn't help out. When we look at the life of a spouse or whatever it was set up we find the country when he came home. Now imagine, look at it. Look, imagine the house or muscles a lot of it was it was right next to the other Jana, for those of you who have been to Medina, you know exactly what I'm talking about. His house was extremely small, extremely small. And his end isodiol novomind. As she says

that when he would come home, he was the one who will milk the goats. It was on us. It was on the slaves. It was not the servants we had in the house. It was HEDIS, who was the one wanting to stand up. And whenever he would have come home, he will help out. He would have care for what's going on inside the house. That's why when even as for the most part, as I said earlier, that for the most part, husbands really believe that the wife has to take care of everything. She said, Why do you not make food? Why did you not do this? Why didn't I do that? If she is sick, you have to care for her. If she's expecting the child, then the father has to really take his word to the next level. He has

to not only work outside to earn money, but when he has to come home he's gonna have to do things which he apparently does not do. You have to do that. We learn how to we have learned how to do that. If I don't know how to wash the dishes, learn how to wash the dishes. If I don't know how to use a vacuum, my God first of all, okay, it's only a vacuum. It's not rocket science. If you don't know how to use the vacuum, learn how to use a vacuum learn how to clean up the children make a mess. Do not expect her to do

Don't expect your house especially if you have raised them children do not expect your house to be Tip Top clean every single time you come home if that's the way you were raised learn how to change your standards especially when it comes to young children. They mess up the house in a matter of no time they struck quicker than a tornado you go to one room you clean them you come out they mess up the room again live with it live with their children that's why he said there were children they will mess up do not expect that the house we do not do not expect your demands to be met all the time and learn how to clean up learn how to kit learn how to care for another minute or so we're

happy to give us the ability to show that in the next part there are just a few more points I want to make but it alone and I will I'll leave when I find out what yeah from last hockey stuff Allah How do you what happened when he said First off you know

I'm delighted I'm gonna start even when I stopped feeling when I was at midnight you should have just seen I mean you have

a window in front of you that

wants to bring them home and then I'll do what I'll do to my bar on the bottom of the bottle with the ILF and Ron Medina wants to call me by the name Michelle property industry lie Rahman Rahim in no law when I started when I began you under the sun while he was in the schema,

alongside yada yada and

for him or for him in

organic Allah 100 Kilometer fellow brought him on, he brought him in to come in with you. Before I go any further ahead, please come forward. Please come forward. Please make space for those who are sending the back.

So we did ABC now it's D what is the soundboard decency. In other words, respect for one another, like I said earlier, like the way we will be, we would like to be treated with love and respect. We treat others with decency and respect within our own homes. Parmesan Allahu alayhi wa sallam know when we talked about his club and properly Allah says in the Quran, while INEC Allah, Allah in His character was the highest at the highest degree. When we look at it, the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, when he says in the Hadith, he says how you're gonna pay the company, and the the best amongst you is the one who is the best tool towards your family. And then he says, What a horrible,

horrible, the only, and I'm the best to my family. If I want to be considered the best, I have to treat my my family, my kids, my spouse with respect, do not do not answer to one another do not be disrespectful, do not be such that people don't want to communicate with you in the house. There are some there are many cases where either is the mother or the father that they have sort of built a reputation that no one was talking to them in the house, and no one was talking to them in the house never become like that. The next thing is that what we learned from the lack of the practice of law it was setting up which is the next, which is the next letter, which is E is easygoing the Prophet

sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, he was absolutely easygoing, he was very, very flexible. And this is something that's very, very important, because when two people discover each other's faults, deficiencies, that if flexibility is not part of the equation, in any marriage, then life does become difficult, it becomes very difficult to maintain that relationship, to learn about one another, be flexible. I'm not saying just let things go. If you see something wrong in the house, I'm not saying to just let that go that there's two different things. But at the same time, a person needs to be more flexible. Always remember, you're not the person, you're not living on your own.

Again, you're not Ambassador anymore, you're living with another person, and that other person is going to come with their baggage also, that person is going to come with their own baggage, they're going to come with their own habits and their attitude and so forth, learn how to be flexible within any marriage. And this is who has lost a lot of it was selling once he was very flexible, people could approach him, he was very easygoing, something that we have to be, we have to we have to this characteristic we have to instill within our life. The last thing which is F is forgiving. The problem is a lot of it was set up. He was very forgiving. You know, a lot of times within a family

this happens that things as I said earlier, there's gonna be ups and downs at any marriage. Is there always going to be ups and downs in any marriage. But it is that love is that mercy is that Rama that keeps that marriage sustained. Now, when there are ups and downs, we have to learn how to forgive and forget, not only forgive, but forget also, because why? Because we remember those things. And as long as it sits there in our mind, and it bothers us over and over again. We will never get over it. So what happens is that something happens within the family. They say okay, you know what, I forgive you, you forgive me forgive and forget 10 years later, 10 years later, Oh, do

you remember may 16 2014? You said this is

10 years later, maybe 2024. And people have not forgotten about it. This happens a lot within a lot of families. Because why? Because we have not built the ability to forgive. We have an you know, remember one thing, if you remember it very precisely, and you're still upset about it, that means that that does not come under the definition of forgiving. Forgiving means that you just let it go. That's why Allah subhanho wa taala. He says in the Quran, the best of those people, those who will receive Jana is not the one who just swallows everyone who does, you know, they forgive, he says, when it can be in the way that when I've been out in us, those will swallow the anger. And this word

cowardly means that you swallow something in such a way that the effects are not manifest on your on your face, meaning that if someone makes you so angry, but you swallow that you're so angry, but you swallow that Abraham in such a way that no one can tell you that you just became angry. That is when that is what the is talking about when he says when Allah says when it causes men to rain, and then he said what I feed on him nuts. When you forgive this word, it also refers to forgiving not just to encounter forgiving, but forgiving where you forget, it is no longer in your in your in your mind is no longer in your heart. Yes, there are times there are things that we will remember, but never hold

that person accountable regarding those things. So that's why there's a few things that we can keep in mind. Number one, A is for attention. B is for to believe in one another cease to care for one another D is for decency. In other words, other for respect. E is for easygoing and F is forgiving. These are all things that the Prophet saw love it was something he exhibited in his life. This is how mercy is comes into within a family. This is how mercy is exhibited within a family villa. So hyung gave all of us ability to act upon what's been said of her May Allah subhanaw craved that love and harmony in that peace within our families, no loss of honoring our families together any

founding that has been given