Spiritual Growth #2 Mom & Dad

Salam alaykum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh at hamdulillah salat wa salam ala rasulillah Wilbert. So today's episode two of our journey of spiritual growth. And this is my next topic. As you can probably see, it's all about parents. So let's get right into it and shut Lakota Island.

Now, first and foremost, before I even start reading this, I know that there's a ton of material online about the importance of parents, the blessings of mom and dad, and how they are important to us, all the verses of the Quran and talking about respecting and loving our parents, I totally get that. That's not what we're going to emphasize here today. Because the one aspect that we know of is constantly being addressed and talked about and humbled to the left, so much material is out there online, on the internet, in books, scholars have written volumes on this subject about beware leading, what I want to share with you today is the responsibility that we have towards parents,

whether they are with us or they have passed away, that we still have responsibilities towards them, even if you're married, even if you're a parent yourself, and you know, your parents have passed away or they're still alive when they've reached an elderly age, we still have responsibilities towards them. So here's a couple of things that I remember addressing on this subject. So start off with the introduction, which we've done, and I'm actually following the cue cards exactly the way I wrote them. Everyone in this world has been given a responsibility to obey Allah, and the Prophet alayhi salaatu wa sallam. But also in addition to that, we have all been given a responsibility to

look after and obey people in this world. And the first category, the priority amongst everybody in this world, is our parents. And that alone, just in terms of how they're talked about in the Quran, when Allah subhanho wa Taala, mentions his worship immediately after it comes, be good to parents be righteous to parents respect, and take care of and love your parents. Now, how do you do that? Like, does that mean that you fulfill every single one of their commands and their requests? Does that mean that you constantly your entire life, put yourself in second and third place? Like you never prioritize your own needs your own feelings? Does that mean that if your parents make you upset that

you can't show or express express any form of anger or frustration to them? Is that going to cross the lines of bitterly dying? So where what's the standard? What's the measuring stick to decide? Okay, this is as far as I can go in terms of respecting my parents, anything beyond that is not going to be respectful anymore. Am I allowed to even have that? Am I allowed to even do that with my parents? And the answer is very simple brothers and sisters, and especially for the parents that might be listening to this. Remember, we are human beings, US parents, we're human beings. And so we can have every possibility that we could create anger and frustration with our kids by the things

that we say or do. And unfortunately, there are parents out there who have children, but they're not parents. And obviously, I mean by that is, just because you have kids doesn't mean you're going to be a good parent, you can still make bad decisions for your kids, you can still misguide them, you can still abuse them in some way, shape, or form. So where does that leave the children, regardless of their age, kids have the right to be heard. They have the Hulk and right to be respected. And so especially because they're your children, even more of a reason to respect to your kids by listening to them, by understanding their feelings, giving them an opportunity to speak, and especially

especially for kids who have gotten married, to give them the right to create their own life. So and this unfortunately happens in many cultures around the world that as soon as the daughter or the son gets married, the parents sort of weave themselves into the marriage and, you know, influence and try to make certain decisions on behalf of their kids. No, you don't need to cook that. No, you don't need to go there. No unique. You don't need to act this way. No, that's not how I raised you. You know, it handily led the fact that your kids are mature enough to be able to get married and choose somebody and they can get married to that person is a clear indication that you have done a

wonderful job raising your children. Now it's time for you to allow your kids to create and build their own life to make their own decisions. You know, unfortunately, there could even be a transition phase where maybe the first year of marriage This is almost impossible for parents to

respect that you make certain decisions. No, Mom, I don't want them to come over. No, Mom, I don't want to do this. No, Dad, I'm not ready for that. No, that that's not the way that we do this in my house. No, Mom, Dad, you talk to your parents. That's not what I want for my marriage. No, I'm not ready to do this, I can't make those decisions until I talked to my wife until I talk to my husband, it's between me and her, we will decide what is best. You see those kinds of statements, they take time. But parents have to be able to understand that that responsibility of steering your children towards the right direction, once they are married, give them the opportunity to figure those things

out on their own. Give them the opportunity to make mature wise decisions. It doesn't mean that you don't have any say it doesn't mean that you can advise your kids, but advise your kids giving advice is separate from telling them what to do. Just because you're giving advice. That's one of the mistakes when we talk about naziha is we constantly think that naziha is to tell others what to do, and not see how from the word nasaka literally means to encourage somebody that you have two options. And here's the better option. And NASA also means that one item when something was together and it's split and broke apart, NASA means to bring them back together. So to bring whatever

understand whatever the subject is you're referring to, you know, it's scattered all over the place. Everybody has their own opinions. Now you want to come together and have one sound unified understanding. So those are some of the things that we start talking about. Of course, why boudleaux will add to Shrek will be he shaped our BYD data center. Let's understand very quickly what Bill what Bill well he is talking about, obviously, Allah subhanaw taala tells us in Surah Nisa worship Allah and don't associate anything with him. But then Allah says what Bill Wiley Dany Sena, Bill, Wendy Dang. Wendy Dang. refers to your biological parents, your birth parents. And if you were

talking about your guardian, obviously, who are not your birth parents, but they're your guardian, there's a separate word that's used for that. That's where a boon and Oman could be used. a boon. And Oman literally means Dad and Mom, but it's more generic. It could even refer to somebody who takes the place of your parents, so a guardian or somebody who had raised you and so on. You can call them a boon or Omen, but when did father and when the death mother is referring to your biological parents, so Allah azza wa jal is ordering that your biological parents are priority. They are the ones that deserve assent from you. And I've mentioned this in the past in previous videos,

that how it's amazing that Allah uses the word s and because sn is the peak of mn but it's the starting point when we are being respectful and treating our parents well. That's the starting point is called Sn Sn literally, it's the highest level of obedience and righteousness. So what is a law really saying bidwill? Well, he dang is when you, if you have patience, you have the most patience with mom and dad. If you have anger issues, and you can control it to an extent you control it as much as you can, when you're with your parents. If you are somebody that has a tendency to kind of lose control and things you get frustrated quickly, you get confused quickly, you get lost quickly,

you might you know, say something and then you regret it after if you have these kinds of habits. You try to keep all of that under control as much as possible when it comes to dealing with your parents. And even if they have passed away our Prophet alayhi salatu salam told us that are making Dora especially when it comes from the children when you make dua for your parents. It is always accepted. So you should never live a day with except that you make dua for your parents. It doesn't matter how long ago It doesn't even matter if they're not Muslim. At least make a door that Allah gives them what is best in the era and in a manner that is pleasing to Him. Obviously you can't say

oh like give them Jenna or lug shower this or that give them all of the treasures of this of the Acura. Leave that to Allah subhanho wa Taala so at least you can ask Allah azza wa jal for their overall well being and that they're cared for because at the end of the day, they're your parents, you're not going to turn your back on your parents just because they follow the different religion aligns to what Joel said in the end was Sahiba who method dunya merit offer, at least big good to them in this worldly life. So a lot. Extend your mercy, extend your acceptance be merciful to my mom, my dad, they took care of me when I was young, they still raised me. They allowed me to

discover the religion of Islam. I became Muslim and they supported me. Oh Allah, give them your mercy. Oh Allah take care of them. Oh Allah give them heda give them guidance in the photo.

Leave it leave that to Allah subhanho wa Taala let Allah decide what their fate is you and I don't do that. And so at least at the end of the day, it helps you build and sustain that connection, even though your parents have passed away. Now, the next section of this reminder I get into is, what about parents that make bad decisions for their kids? What about the parents who abuse their children in every way shape, or form? Do you still have to have beware leading to them? The general rule of thumb is that Muslims, whenever we're faced with a difficult situation, is we do our very best to say to stay composed, and civilized in the best way possible. And we deal with intense

situations in the most in the most dignified manner. With that being said, there is no exception when it comes to parents, even if they're abusive to you. Now, if your life is at stake, if you're literally being physically abused, you're going through pain, you're being hurt, your life is at risk, that's a separate issue. You don't have to worry about Okay, I need still need to be kind, I need to keep myself composed, even though they're gonna punch me in my face, or hurt me or do something, that's a separate issue, you call the police, you let the authorities know when that happens, because nobody has the right to do that to you, whether it's your parents or anybody else.

So that's a separate extreme issue. I'm just saying that at the end of the day, you have the right to disagree. If your parents tell you, you know, I don't want you to dress that way. I don't want you to act that way. I don't want you to marry this person, I don't want you to do this way. And as long as you have all of the Islamic reasons together, and you have the support of your community, and you've gone, you've done all the little things, you've talked to a shareholder, mm, you've gotten some sense of direction and counsel, then you can make a wise decision. And you can literally say to your parents, you know, I love you, I appreciate what you've done for me, but I really don't

want to live that way. Those are not the decisions that I want to make. You have the right as a mature, individual and adult, even though you're the child of these individuals, so you still have the right to make those decisions. Allah gave you the right to do that. So children, when you're dealing with parents that are abusive, again, and extreme situations, don't handle that stuff, get the authorities or get professionals to be involved in that. But just at home in little things here and there that frustrate you and anger you. And you know it's wrong, you know, it's unfair, you know that your parents might be taking advantage of a particular situation, then you have the right to

speak up. You have the right to confront that you have the right to say no, I don't want to do that yet. I'm going to wear my hijab regardless, I want to be Muslim, this is who I am. I want to go to a class I want to learn my Deen. These are things that not parents gave you. These are things that Allah subhanho wa Taala gave you gave you the right to seek knowledge and practice your deen freely. And so this is what the A refers to when Allah says will Sahiba will method doing your marital for then at least be good companions to them in the things that are understood to be acceptable and good in this worldly life. One last Hadeeth that I'll leave you with. This was to capture brothers and

sisters this was to capture some of the consequences of people that abused their parents. And the Prophet alayhi salaatu wa Salaam did tell us an interesting Hadith. Just I'll read it out to you in Arabic Rahim and thumb rahima and from rocky men and men at the rock above way he

in Dell keyboard, a huduma aukey lahoma for lm UDC lagenda the Prophet alayhi salatu was Salam says, may he be humiliated and disgraced. And he repeats this three times. What are all he meant literally means to take somebody's face and shove it into the sand and shove it into the ground. So the Prophet it subtly Salaam is saying, may this person be disgraced by having their face shoved into the ground? And he says this three times? And what's the translation? The one who finds one or both of their parents attaining an old age, and they still cannot guarantee themselves paradise. In other words, you have parents that have attained an age where they need your help. You have the

opportunity to serve, you have the opportunity to care for mom and dad. You don't put them in a senior's home. You don't shove them under somebody else's responsibility. You have the ability to take care of those things. And you choose not to you push that burden onto somebody else, or you leave your parents let them fend for themselves.

The Prophet it was Salamis saying literally What a shame. What a shame What a shame. You had Jenna right in front of your hands and you still couldn't get it. In other words, the prophet alayhi salatu salam is saying like this, it says if there's no hope for you anymore

You know, that was your tickets agenda, whether you have one parent alive or both, and you have the opportunity to care for them. And you still didn't do that, you know, in another had the thought of profit it sought was some did teach us that. Beware the dame is one of the reasons that a lot extends your life in this world. You live longer, when you take care of your parents, and even if your parents have passed away. Now, here's the last thing I'll conclude with. inshallah, I know that a lot of us, this is something that we don't talk about as much. You may have had your parents, but you were not obedient to them. You didn't treat them well. And then they passed away. And later on

in life, you learn to better you learn about your religion, you understood the value, the importance of parents, but it was too late for you. You know, what do you do in a situation like that? You'll regret the things that you said and the things that you used to do to your parents. So how do you make up for the last time especially now that your parents have have gone they've passed away? The answer is very simple. But I can understand that psychologically, it might be difficult. And that is the only thing that you can do is ask Allah subhanho wa Taala to forgive you. Repent and pray to your Creator, Oh Allah, I have made mistakes. It's no different than once upon a time when you live

a certain lifestyle and you came out of that lifestyle and you've become better. So once upon a time, you were horrible to your parents, but they've passed on. Oh Allah reunite me with them. But Oh Allah, forgive me for what I've said and done to them. I was you know, I've done things to my parents. I've heard them I've made them cry. I've done so I've brought so much pain to them and hurt or Allah, forgive me. Beg Allah subhanho wa Taala for his forgiveness, and live a life of forgiveness, live a life of Toba, continue to pray for your parents continue to serve and help and be respectful and kind and think about them, continue to give sadaqa and charity on their behalf.

One day inshallah, when the umbra is is going to happen again, then go and perform an omelet on behalf of your parents, you can do these things, at least you can do these things, and there are opportunities for you to at least feel good about yourself that you're making up for some lost time. I know it's not that, you know, it's not as ideal a scenario as you had wanted to be. But it's something and it would at least uplift your spirits and make you feel good about, okay, what's in the past is in the past, I can move forward to from this and be a better person. And so that's what we want to achieve. In short, lotor ILM that was one of my hotbeds for back in the days was all

about parents and these were some of the issues that I address. So tomorrow in sha Allah, our topic will be

let me bring bring out my bag of treasures. Let me pull out the next set of cards here, guys.

Okay, let's see what we have here.

Oh, wow. I'm going to show it to you guys. Take a look at this. This is tomorrow's topic.

I wrote it in Arabic.

It's going to be LIBOR backbiting. And this hook bow or this lecture that I gave is divided into three parts. So as we continue our journey of spiritual growth tomorrow in sha Allah hooter, Allah, it is going to be about the tongue. And I'm going to add other layers to this conversation is the letter Allah, may Allah Subhana, WA tie the love and protect our parents, even whom, when and what those who are alive and those who have passed away. For those of you who are interested, I did do a series called family life. It's actually on my YouTube channel, I think I did about 25 or 30 videos about family life, everything that you can think about when it comes to family life. So if you want

to learn more about inshallah, to Tyler about islamically, how to approach different issues with respect to family, whether it be parents with kids and that whole bond, it's on my YouTube channel, you're more than welcome to refer to that. And hamdulillah you know, from now, since this lockdown began, I think we've done more than 100 videos of different issues. And I can't believe I don't even know how I did that. That's just from Allah, to keep the consistency and to keep the engagement, but Alhamdulillah as I look back, and I was looking at my channel the other day, and I just noticed, like all the material that we had covered, and so many different topics, just an array of subjects

and different issues that we address from an Islamic perspective. So you're more than welcome to go to the YouTube channel and see for yourself. There is something there for everyone. So I hope and I pray that Allah subhana wa Taala accepts it puts his bot okay in the in it in sha Allah and in your journey through seeking knowledge for his sake alone.

mean just one level higher and everyone May Allah subhanho wa Taala protect all of you stay healthy and stay safe. And remember tomorrow, it's all about the Lieber in sha Allah, Allah, just like my low Hydra take care what's said Mr Alaykum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh