Intro To Love & Mercy and first Alkauthar appearance

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Musleh Khan

Channel: Musleh Khan

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Episode Transcript

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lanhydrock manual Rahim al hamdu Lillah wa Salatu was Salam ala rasulillah sallallahu alayhi wa ala early, he was sotheby. He woman Weiler buried.

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For those of you who probably don't know me, I'm the freshman of El Cal.

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So Alhamdulillah over the last few months, I have finally joined on and I've jumped on to the L CalHFA. wagon. So be with Nila huhtala. Over the next few months, perhaps we will insha Allah have an opportunity to come together in a setting like this for another one of the wonderful and informative and the blessed courses that are Kalfa has to offer. So inshallah, in during those times, hopefully we can all have a chance to meet again and again and get to know each other. So once again, Brother Muslim in the house. And I want to start off by saying to, to all of us here. How many of you know Dr. Phil, the Dr. Phil show?

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Okay. Carla, Dr. Phil. Okay. So this is a statement of Dr. Phil, I occasionally like to watch his show as well, depending on the topic, obviously, some are really beneficial. Some are God help us all a waste of time, right? Dr. Phil once said,

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you need a license to go and sell hot dogs on the side of the road. But anybody can wake up and get married.

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You need a license to go and sell hot dogs on the side of the road. But anybody can wake up and say, You know what, we're getting married today right now, and gets up and gets married. Call us.

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Believe it or not, there is actually a lot of wisdom behind Dr. Phil's point. And this is going to be the nature of tonight, this evening. The nature of the topic, common mistakes in marriage and divorce. So

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at this point, we want to lead ourselves into some of the mistakes that perhaps some of us here have made.

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Some of us are planning to get married in sha Allah. And you don't want to fall into these mistakes, because they have severe consequences, not only on your way of life, not only on how you yourself as a Muslim, or a Muslim, how you conduct yourselves how you live. But also it is these mistakes will also affect those around you. Because one of the mistakes will just zoom by this first one very quickly,

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that couples usually make when it's time to jump into the marriage wagon, to jump into the world of taking care or having a spouse is they say to themselves,

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I am getting married to my wife, or I'm getting married to this person and this person is going to be my husband. And they completely forgot that the husband has a mother and father. And the wife also has a mother and father. And at some point, these people have a huge part or a huge play within the marriage and how it develops. As Eliza gel teaches us as the Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam tells us in numerous occasions that the enlasa have exactly the same rights, the mother in law, the father in law, as your own mum and dad as our own blood parents. So having said that, brothers and sisters, this is what we want to do this evening. Bismillahi Tarana is we want to talk

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about first marriage itself. And as you have as you probably have read in the advertisement, we will also discuss a few points in sha Allah on the divorce and common mistakes that are exclusive just just to the divorce. So what are some of the mistakes that Muslims make?

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When it comes time for them to get married? Number one,

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no knowledge of marriage, no knowledge whatsoever. So what did they do? They went on Facebook or they went on MSN or they went and they got to know somebody Alhamdulillah or they came to a

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conference, a lecture and Alhamdulillah you know, two dots were able to connect and

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They got to connect the dots together this way. And then

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Alhamdulillah, they got to know each other communication was established, whether it's through the parents or a loved one will start on, you know.

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So I will equal sister.

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So what happens?

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Time goes by. And it could be months, it could be one month, six months, one year, two years, four years, no marriage has happened yet. But the problem here is no knowledge of marriage is happening at all. And so what happens, they start to get to know each other, they start to talk about marriage, and the only topic of discussion is how I feel about you, and how you feel about me, and how we're going to live our lives together. Let's start off with an apartment first work, work our way up to a house. You know, let's go out and maybe you're gonna have to live with my parents for a little while. These are the topics of discussion, these are the topics of interest. What happens?

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What are some of the conditions of marriage? How do I know that you are held for me? And I am highlighted for you? How do I know that Allah azza wa jal will allow us to be together? What are the things that I need to know about you, so that you could be a good wife? What are the things you need to know about me that I'm going to be a man I can take care of you and I can take care of the family. So number one most crucial, crucial mistake is that you get married, and you really don't know or have an idea of the insight of marriage and what the implications are, what the rules are, and what is going to happen once you delve into this new world of taking care of someone.

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What happens now, if you happen to get married, and you don't know,

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you don't know anything about marriage, except that you're in love, and she's in love.

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This is where the problems start. This is where the problems start. If she just gets up one day, and sisters, you know, you know exactly what I'm talking about. She'll get up one day, you know, and she'll start to cry.

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And you're sitting there and you're like, are you okay? You try to comfort her? No, no, no, I hate you.

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Brothers, how you gonna deal with?

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Oh, my God, my wife hates me. Oh, my God, you know who was like this.

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There was a companion that was exactly like this famous companion each and every single one of you know, her. You all know her or all the love or the leaders of women that one of the leaders of women

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are of the love wine. This is exactly what our show used to do. I Isha. It's mentioned in some of the scioto books, that she was sort of the hot headed one. So sometimes, you know, and this has a lot to do with being young, being young as young as she was. And at the same time, being a fapy. Being a scholar of Islam. She was also one of the leaders of the oma so all of these implications in her life. Then she had Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam classic example.

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You know one time the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam and this is recorded in Sahih Muslim was sitting with his wife, Chateau de la Langham, and this old lady comes into the masjid. He was sitting in my and they were just

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they were just chillin. Okay, I showed her the low mana. She's just chillin. She's relaxing with her husband. And this old lady comes in. faster, better her. She started to curse Ayesha right in front of Laura Sosa la Hollywood sudden. Now you don't play with Arusha. Love the love line. So us with what guess what's the first thing she does? Being who she is? She doesn't snap. So what does she do

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for Nevada to Isla YG. So I look at Laurel Sol sallallahu wasallam. And I turn

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and I see the expression on his face. Literally says, Don't do anything. I should just chill, chill. So the lady comes on and tells her all whatever she wants to say to her. Then she leaves the lady she leaves.

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She goes out she goes to the marketplace. She returns it she says for Roger it. So she comes back. What do you think she does? She starts at I showed her the Aloma on her again. And she starts to curse or insult her and humiliate her fellow to either which he and she looks

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Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam,

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the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam looks at her.

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Don't do anything yet. Don't do anything yet.

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So the old lady comes in does what she does and guess what she leaves. Guess what happens now she comes back again a third time. She comes back and she tries to do the same thing. And she starts on a shot of the alarm on him. What does he do?

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phenol voted to ILA which he says he looks at the Rasul Salah while he was sent him. This time things are different. The Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam only had to give her the okay. And guess what she says at the end the Hadeeth ends, final salt, and I got victory over this woman. She put her in her place. You want to come and insult me. So she put her in her place? What does this have to do with the first mistake? Patience and giving time to understand one another.

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Sisters, they have this where there will be times they will wake up and they will they will have a certain feeling or mood that they're in. It's not because something's wrong with them. color this is not it? This is how Allah azza wa jal created them. And brothers you have this to believe it or not, don't think I'll just pick on the sisters No. Brothers we have you ever wake up one day, or you go to work one day and you come back and you're on fire? You're on fire. I don't want to talk to nobody right now. Why is the hsus here? Where's my food, data, data data.

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And so the first mistake is if you don't have knowledge to deal with these natural situations, natural incidents, then you end up in problems.

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Number two, from the mistakes brothers and sisters

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that are commonly happen amongst the Muslim Ummah is what I like to call.

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You're not from me, and I'm not from you. What do I mean by this? If you ain't Somali, you ain't coming in this family. If you ain't Pakistani, no, no, no, no, no. If you ain't Guyanese, if you ain't Trinidadian, if you ain't Let me see your passport. Give it to me. And we can talk.

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Culture, background, in a hadith authentic hadith in a tournament de the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam told us about this.

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If anytime a person comes to you,

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and they have religion, they have a flap manners. They have knowledge, they have all the positive attributes that make up and complete a true Muslim. And you refuse for a trivial reason, a dunya reason. So for example, you free fuse because you know what, listen, you are the Ideal Husband. But you know, you're small and I'm so sorry, I'm Pakistani. If you do this, what does the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam in the Hadith and saying, there will be fast, sad corruption. In the person who stopped this marriage who came up with this rule, there will be corruption written for that person, until they remove this until they remove this ailment. This thought process that they

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have until it is removed. alive. So agenda will fill that person's life with corruption.

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classic example. You have all seen it I am sure of it. You've all seen it. Wonderful brother, wonderful sister. You come and you ask for marriage. And she or he refuses and you refuse for some sort of trivial Junior reason. You don't have a good job. I mean, you're just an engineer. I want to doctor

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McDonald's is a big company. But I want something more than that. Hmm.

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You are not from the same background. We ain't gonna understand each other. So, salam o Alaikum. So what happens? This is the case here. This is where the problems start. The sister, she goes on to live her life. The brother he goes on to live his life except there's one problem. somewhere down the road. Allah azza wa jal fulfills his promise and causes corruption for her. somewhere down the road. Allah fulfills his promise causes corruption for him.

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What are the what are some examples of this? some point

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down the line, she doesn't get married, she finds a boyfriend instead. somewhere down the line, he doesn't get married. But what does he do?

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He stops his religion completely. And he says, You know what, man, I'm going to university. Now I met a good girl. She's not Muslim, but Alhamdulillah Alhamdulillah. Okay, I get this all the time. This is why I say to you, I get this all the time where brothers and sisters will come and say, brother Muslim, can you do my kneecap for me? smilla hamdulillah? No problem. So who are the people? Well, this is I'm Ahmed. And this is Christina.

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Christina. So I said, Okay, let's let's delve into this a little bit. So how did you guys meet? We've been dating for about two years. And you see where it goes.

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And it's so panela it is only because of this Hadith, which I remembered. And I asked the brother, I said, Can I ask you a question? Were you ever engaged? Did you ever have a wife said no, I was never married. I was engaged. But then the sister as I got to know her, she never liked the same food as me. She never liked the food that I like. I like spicy foods. She was far from spicy. So she told me she ain't gonna cook spicy food or get married. So I said Assalamualaikum

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you see what's happening.

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Number three guys.

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Number three, from the common mistakes that Muslims make

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in their marriages, or as they try to seek a partner for marriage is

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two points here. Number one, parents, they exclude their parents out of their marital or domestic business. They exclude the parents push them out. And the second point here is they are financially unstable. Number one, parents

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let me tell you brothers and sisters,

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Allah subhanho wa Taala. In the Quran, there is a theme in the Quran.

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The theme is if you notice every single time a lot says worship me immediately after he says and be good to your parents. Worship Me, and then be good to your parents. Now there's 100 different things a lot could have said could have said what are Buddha Allah worship me. Welcome masala were to Zakat, and continue. Pray, pay your saqqaq perform your Hajj. But instead what did Allah do? And be good to your parents?

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Let me be the one to say to you.

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If your parents, your mothers and fathers are not involved in any decision that you make to seek a spouse, or if you're already married, if your parents don't have a positive influence on you and on your marriage, and you purposely intentionally keep them out and say you stay out of here. That's fine. I don't care if you've been married for 40 years. I just got married now I want to do it this way. If a person has this attitude, what law he Thelma will law he you will never ever find success and happiness in your marriage. Never ever, ever you will find it and this is not a promise from Muslim. This is a promise from Allah subhanho wa Taala

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This is a promise from Eliza gel. There is much more to just being good to parents. There is much more than to be kind to them. A lot even went as far as said don't even say

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to them.

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Don't even say off now nobody says off

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of nobody says they're right. In our times. It's interpreted as.

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As a matter of fact, a chef matar a shampoo at half your level love when he was explaining this first. This is exactly what he did in the lesson.

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He will stand up and he will say what we mean by oath is.

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So imagine our parents will come to you and say son,

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you know, she's a good sister. But here's what I want you to keep in mind. Here's what I want you to say. And you say no, no, no, no, no, no. This is my decision. I'm free to do what I want. Okay, this is the new generation

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This is how we're going to do things. So, you know jack Hello Hi mom. You know, I wish you all the best made for so many years. You have 10 children Mashallah. But this is my turnout. Let me do it my way.

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How many of you think

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that there is at least an 80% chance that that person will eventually come back crying to mom and dad and say, I don't know what to do?

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How many of you think I say 80? I say an 80% chance. That person will come back to mom and dad and say help. I need your guidance. I need your advice. I need you to steer me into the right direction. My husband has gone crazy. My husband says this to me says I don't know what to do. My wife she's not talking to me for days. My wife was sporting goods. The food is not too spicy design of salt. I don't know what to tell her. She's gonna get upset. What do I do?

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parents bring Baraka to your lives. They bring blessings to your lives. parents bring bottlecap

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This is why Allah azza wa jal protects them and in many Hadith in Sahih Muslim that are so sallallahu alayhi wa sallam tells us that whenever a parent raises their hands to Allah and makes dua, even if they make dua against their children, it is accepted.

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supine Allah, even if a mother decides to say, Yala, Yaga B, and she's upset with her son were upset with her daughter upset with something they've done. And they said, Yeah, it'll be stop this from happening. Stop the interest, stop them from being happy for some time.

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festa Jabba Allah, Allah azza wa jal accepts her Dora and answers it. So be careful. Whenever you jump into the boat of coming into the marriage world, make sure that you keep the people who deserve to be dignified and honored in this dunya and to honor your parents and keep them involved on how you choose that partner. Number four,

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from the common mistakes that Muslims make when in their marriages or prior to the marriage.

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Let's say now, at this point, they have to couples or two parties have decided to get married. What's the first thing you start talking about now is let's plan a wedding. Right? Let's plan the wedding. So she's gonna be on hamdulillah you know, you know, Mashallah. A lot of sisters, believe it or not, there were they are not the ones that will say, you know, let's have a huge lavish wedding.

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As a matter of fact, the statistics prove it otherwise, it actually proves otherwise. Then it's actually brothers who wants sort of the extravagant wedding more than the sisters do. But here's the thing. Sisters, Masha, Allah, Allah has blessed you with alcohol with intelligence. So when the brothers like, Well, what do you think about doing it in a nice banquet hall? She'll be like, you know what, whatever is comfortable for you. I'm happy. Whatever you want to tune shall I'm going I'm good with that. So the problem here is not this. The problem is this.

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The wedding costs $30,000. Okay, if you divide that within a year,

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it works out to about 20 $500 a month, 20 $500 a month to get married that one day. And if you go to this family who does this and you say to them, you know, there's an Islamic school that just opened and Mashallah we have the full curriculum, everything is good. And, you know, we're charging each student $200 a month.

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You

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know, what, this is what I saw you wasting, you know, and then this is what you get, but to do a $30,000 wedding Bismillah I want my children to be happy. We want to be happy. It's once in a lifetime. It's this it's that it's this is that. Do you know the Sunnah of Rasulullah sallallahu. It was somehow a wedding was done.

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The sister, the woman, she would be in a separate area by herself, separate area by herself. And the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wasallam. Either he would do it himself or he would order for it to be done. Where they will get the consent of that sister and once they get that consent, it's done. She has she is there. She's private. She's by

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herself. And then he comes to the brother and the rest of the the ceremony, if you'd like to call, the ceremony continues, literally in a few minutes, they are married, and hamdulillah done. All the witnesses are there, the Java what COBOL is there and everything is finished. Here hear, as you all know, I'm sure we've all attended weddings, or we've heard of them, three, four hours, five hours, then you got to have to do that you got to have a show and so on. Look, this is not how long? Okay? You won't hear me say it's how long to have a big wedding. You won't hear ever, ever I will say this. But what I will say to you is this. If two couples, you must have your priorities straight.

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It is never healthy for somebody to start off a marriage in debt.

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Because what does this happen? It leads to the wife, she has to work 20 hours a day, it leads to the husband, he has to work 20 hours a day. And whenever they see each other, it's only time to go to sleep. And then when children get involved, then this is another burden. And if you ask a couple is this is this child of burden, they will say no, no, no, hamdu Lillah, Allahu Akbar and so on. But really and truly, really and truly, they are suffering financially, they are suffering, why 10 years into the marriage in sha Allah, I'm going to finish the final payment on my wielding Ma.

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sha Allah.

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I know a couple right now married for 14 years, three kids,

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three kids, 14 years.

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They have at least $10,000 left for their willingness to pay off.

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What has happened to them? this walima thing keeps dragging behind them. They bought a house.

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They've stepped into a home, then the whole bills and electricity and mortgages and all that sort of thing stepped in on them. What do you think they had to do at the end, 14 years later, with three kids, they are living once again with mom and dad.

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Priorities must be in line. And don't think for a moment that the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam tells us and this is a hadith you all know when he talks to the Shabaab to the teenagers. And he says to them, many stopbar on Ming comb, and yet so watch whoever is able to amongst from amongst you to marry. That tells you what that tells you that not every single person in this oma can get married. Because of that word mean come from amongst you, there's going to be a portion that can get married. But it is only those who are financially able, physically able, emotionally able intelligently able to get married, only then you step in. And so brothers and sisters having a huge

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and lavish wedding, it is okay Alhamdulillah if you can afford it and can do it and you can support yourself after then Alhamdulillah. The problem is, is that majority of people can't do that. The majority of people can't do that. And they have caught themselves with the twinkle of the dunya they have caught themselves with the twinkle of the beauty that they see around them. And then all of a sudden you find that people come out with these TV shows on what's that new debt debt show that just came out Will you in till death do us part till death do us part.

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There's an entire show that is geared hungry for those people who can make that mistake. And in that show you hear it all the time. Yeah, we just got married, we know we have you know $80,000 when we're trying to pay off then the car came and data. So brothers and sisters,

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protect yourself from being lavish in the wedding in sha Allah, those of you who are not married and you plan to do reduce, do so inshallah. Then I have this to say to you, be smart and intelligent. Keep your financial priorities correct, because the Muslim is smart. Each and every single Muslim is an intellect is a person who is smart enough to understand what is right. What is correct. What is better for him and her and what he needs to say you know what insha Allah or maybe at a later time or this is

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Not going to work for me

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from the mistakes brothers and sisters from the common mistakes that Muslims make, when it is time for them to get married or they have gotten married. And this is the final one that we will discuss when it comes to the marriage aspect. And then we will jump in and divorce everybody. Okay? Well, let's guide will show the mistakes and how the what people are doing in terms of that particular subject. So, so from the mistakes is that you have and we kind of touched on this, just just for a few moments we touched on it a bit, is that after the couple, they get married, they jump into mom and dad's home. Okay, they jump into mom and dad's home. We're all okay so far, whether it's from

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the guy side of the girls side, we're all okay. So he jumps in and he says, You know what? Because we just got married we need to get started. It's tough here in Canada, you got GST PST, HST and pqrst uv all that stuff right? So, we need some time to save this is okay. Nothing wrong here. The problem where where what happens is that this becomes long term. inshallah, you know, we tell you the teller wife schola in about 20 years inshallah, you know, we'll get that apartment, this is this is actually a person can be sinful for doing this. And inshallah the shift as the course continues, we'll discuss to you all the details of the rights of the husband and the rights of the wife from

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these rights is the wife. She says, You know what, I can't take this no more. We are financially stable and we are ready and I want my own place. It just haraam for the man hot on the sinful for saying, No, we're gonna stay here, we're gonna stay for a little while. A person who does this is sinful in front of a large, so a gentle

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once they are in that state of a steel bar. They are in the state where they are able to take care of themselves and their family. And they just try to left the rest of the years or months or whatever the case is with their families.

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So brothers and sisters, the issue here is whenever you stick with families and you try to bunk in take that basement, whatever the case is, you must always keep the priority. The goal is that in sha Allah I save in sha Allah I put together this the savings from myself and from my family, and I will jump on my own.

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I think that's enough in Sharla for the mistakes, there are literally hundreds, hundreds of mistakes we can talk about, from the mistakes of those who get married.

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If Allah azza wa jal writes for them, a buck or two

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upon up or a tuffrey separation or divorce, first common mistake when it comes to divorce in Islam.

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First common mistake is they don't know how to divorce.

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And Muslims don't know how to divorce. They don't know that if they say to their wife, I divorce you Salaam Aleykum. Leave this how long you can do this. You can say to her because why there are certain steps in between, that is wedge and must be filled must be must happen in order for the divorce to take place. So the knowledge of divorce itself, and insha Allah, we hope that all of us will be here to her learn about the implications of or the fifth of the divorce. The divorce itself itself is a very technical topic. Not difficult, but technical, a very precise, each and every single movement so precise, that the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam once said, Listen to this.

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Never joke about three things because if you do so accounts, never joke. About three things.

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Never joke about marriage. Because if you happen to stand by a sister and there's two witnesses and you know, all those things that happen there and say, You know I agree to marry you, you know that. She's like, Oh, I agree to marry you.

00:34:47--> 00:34:51

In Islam in the Sharia, they are husband and wife.

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They are husband and wife the Hadith in Sahih Muslim By the way, so it's so here they are 100

00:35:00--> 00:35:01

Spin and wife.

00:35:02--> 00:35:04

Second thing you never joke about.

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You're sitting with your wife, and you're like, you know, Subhanallah

00:35:12--> 00:35:31

you know, divorce is really, really bad. You know, imagine if I just say to you, you know, I divorced you. And she goes here. Okay, find someone like him. And she goes, if you have divorced your wife, strike one.

00:35:33--> 00:35:34

Oh my God, that's

00:35:35--> 00:35:40

strike one. Strike one. How many strikes? do you have? Three.

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One has been taken away from you. The Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said, Don't joke about these three things. What is the third one?

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Let's say you actually realize that you know what, you divorced her. Then there is that there? It will come to that shortly. that waiting period. So during the waiting period, let's say a divorce really happened? No, it wasn't a joke. It was a real divorce. It's a waiting period now. So she's with you, you guys are living together. So during that three month waiting period after the divorce,

00:36:20--> 00:36:39

you're sitting down and be like, you know what, I don't want you back. But you know, if I was to joke with you and be like, yo, you know, I still love you come back to me. And she's like, yeah, you know what, I'll come back to you. I mean, like, yeah, are joking, you're gone your way, you know, stay away from me, you cause too much trouble. You have just taken back your wife.

00:36:40--> 00:36:42

You've just taken her back there it is over.

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The only way now she can leave is you have to say to her that she is divorced a second time.

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Imagine for the person right? Who is joking about taking his wife back. And he's divorced her twice.

00:37:01--> 00:37:22

Now he's divorced or twice, but he joked and he took her back. So now he wants to get rid of her. And he divorces her for the third time. He can't ever take her back unless certain things happen. But imagine later down the line. He's like, Listen, I really want to come back to you. I really want to be married to you again, I want you to come I just come back to me.

00:37:23--> 00:37:30

He shut the door for himself. Never joke about these three things.

00:37:31--> 00:37:48

As a matter of fact, even our best sort of the Longhorn humor and the aroma of dill hapa rhodiola. One and many of the leaders of the oma sahabas used to come to them and say to them, you know, Evan has to say yeah, Omar Oh, yeah.

00:37:49--> 00:38:13

I divorced my wife. So many times it is equivalent to the amount of stars in the sky. That's how many times a divorce I diversity, diversity, diversity, diversity. And you know, just like, you know, anger, set fighting arguments. So even our best little deal a lot more on home as well as many of the companions would rule.

00:38:14--> 00:38:17

Don't play with the religion of a law

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and you are divorced from her.

00:38:22--> 00:38:23

The marriage is done.

00:38:25--> 00:38:28

How many Muslims do you think know this right now?

00:38:29--> 00:38:50

Let me tell you, in one month, one month, this happened previously few years ago, in one month, I had 17 cases of divorce 17 all 17 the husband wish to take back the wife and they couldn't 17

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This is the reality kids are involved. grandkids are involved. This is what happens. When you take the religion of Allah so agenda, something light, something cheap, something trivial.

00:39:09--> 00:39:20

So the knowledge of divorce, this is one of the large, most common mistakes that happens when divorce is in the picture.

00:39:22--> 00:39:24

Allah subhanho wa Taala

00:39:25--> 00:39:27

says in the poor earn sorta till May either

00:39:29--> 00:39:32

fall off a hook manager helia t Yabba. Home.

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Now, I want you to pay attention to this, because this comes to our second point in the common mistakes of divorce and Sawtelle. matita. Allah asked this rhetorical question, do you prefer man made laws over Allah azza wa jal woman so domina law hochma lipo made up known

00:39:57--> 00:40:00

what's better legislator is there.

00:40:00--> 00:40:25

Allah subhanho wa Taala The one who makes the rules and the laws. Now we are all on the same page. We all know Allah is the one that legislates there is no hokum, no ruling greater than his subhana wa Tada. We all know of the rulings of the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, and all of it is revelation from Allah azza wa jal, here's where the problem is in point number two,

00:40:26--> 00:40:45

two couples divorce, the divorce. problem is they don't actually do an official Islamic divorce. They fight, they fight, they fight, she runs, and she packs her clothes, he runs and he jumps in his car, they drive away, they separate, they never see each other again, and they are separate.

00:40:47--> 00:40:56

In the sight of a law, they are still husband and wife. 20 1020 years goes by, they're still husband and wife. The problem is here.

00:40:58--> 00:41:23

He or she goes to the ministry. And she registers that she's divorcing her husband, she leaves them. And she takes him to court. Action time now, huh? Action time, she takes him to court. And she drains him out or he does that to her. He fights for the kids custody battles, all of this starts happening.

00:41:24--> 00:41:33

So what has happened here in point number two, taking men made laws over the loss of allies so agile.

00:41:34--> 00:41:45

So relying on the system, relying on the laws, the legislation that happens within your town, city or country, this is where the problem is.

00:41:46--> 00:42:25

Let me tell you, brothers and sisters, that the laws are not built to separate couples. The domestic laws, especially here I can only speak for here in Toronto, they are not built or not designed to separate the couple. But they are designed to always keep a thread or a string hanging between the two couples, so that you can keep jumping back into the system. And you can keep fighting for those property and money and children and just keep going at it. And this is why today

00:42:26--> 00:42:49

the average person that is divorced here in Toronto, it takes him an average of five years to completely divorce from his wife, five years, in that five years, if that sister that that that that girl, she wants to do anything from you. She has five years to play with you.

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And the husband same thing is five years to play with her. He can ruin her entire life, take everything from her, take all of her clothes, all her money, all her wealth, all her savings, and she can do the same thing and they can just continue with this string as long as they need to.

00:43:09--> 00:43:16

It is only Islam that stops this. And Islam says our religion tells us

00:43:18--> 00:43:46

that if you can't get along and so little Bukhara Allah says if you can't get along, then separate with sin, separate with an agreement separate with goodness, contentment, understanding, separate with love. And in sha Allah, the chef is going to is going to I'm sure is going to mention this. Do you can you imagine that? When you divorce a sister or you divorce your wife,

00:43:48--> 00:43:51

it is sooner to buy her a gift and say as salaam alaikum

00:43:52--> 00:44:01

buy her a gift and then you can let her go after that it is over and this is where we will come now to

00:44:02--> 00:44:08

the third point. The third mistake that happens in divorce is that

00:44:10--> 00:44:12

there is no such thing as there.

00:44:14--> 00:44:33

Okay, there is the waiting period that happens after a man has divorced his wife. There's a waiting period of three months. And so during that three months, it doesn't exist. So you know what happens? This is the sort of this is how to picture the scenario. He says to his wife, I divorce you

00:44:34--> 00:44:37

and she leaves immediately next day she's gone.

00:44:38--> 00:45:00

This is Kayla Sumner this goes against the son of the rustle salallahu alayhi wasallam but rather what she has to do is remain with him for three months. Why? Why does she have to stay with him for three months? Listen to the wisdom behind this. The wisdom behind there is to see if there are any special

00:45:00--> 00:45:19

arcs left in the marriage, there's still a chance, if there's still something that can be worked out. And a person who observes the whole heartedly, sincerely trying to see trying to come to that conclusion, whether something is still left in that marriage, let me tell you

00:45:20--> 00:45:34

80% of the time that it will be broken 80% of the more than half the time, there it will be broken. And the two will try once again. Let's give it a shot. Let's go again.

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And so this is the wisdom behind the IDA.

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I can't even I can't even begin to tell you how many couples out there. Muslim couples, our brothers and sisters who are divorcing and breaking marriages left, right and center all day all day just breaking marriages here and there. It doesn't know I leave the home today Come back whenever you want to take all my property. This is what is happening. And read it read my words very clearly, majority of the oma is this is what is happening with them. The majority of the

00:46:17--> 00:46:43

majority of Muslims don't understand divorce. Don't understand it. And they don't know how to divorce. Now just very quickly, we all know that a man he divorces the wife, the wife, she's never allowed to say I divorce you. But it happens and happens. There are sisters that will come and say listen, brother Musleh How long is there it I just divorced my husband and

00:46:45--> 00:46:51

listen says here you know, you started off on the wrong foot way you take a few steps back.

00:46:52--> 00:47:08

So this is what happens from one of the common Another common mistake that happens with our brothers and sisters who are falling into the divorce

00:47:09--> 00:47:15

is and this is something that we have mentioned briefly, is that divorcing very carelessly.

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Remember brothers and sisters, it is only three chances. And why is it only three chances because Allah azza wa jal has deemed that if after these three chances still you can't get along, Allah azza wa jal has written something better for you in sha Allah, the marriage just can't work after that. And these three chances, they're great. Imagine two are dead, that's three months long, that's six months, after divorce six months, you have to work out something to figure it out, to come to your conclusions, to work out your differences to come to either a separation or a happiness. Finally, brothers and sisters, what I wish to conclude Bismillah heater Allah is I want to conclude by by

00:48:06--> 00:48:06

saying

00:48:08--> 00:48:42

a summary to summarize all that we have just discussed, and also with the marriages, as well as the divorce is the realized brothers and sisters, those of you who wish to marry or who are already married, realize that this is a great Amanda that you and I we have. This is a great trust that you and I we uphold in front of allies so a gel and this is a great gift that Allah subhanho wa Taala gives us

00:48:43--> 00:49:10

and I want to conclude by mentioning very quickly a summarized version of the story of a great Sahaba by the name of July babe, how many of you have heard of this name? Jul beep good Alhamdulillah so we can zoom through it very quickly. We all know that Jul B was nicknamed what the ugly one. It was nicknamed the ugly one. Because it was Allah azza wa jal that has deemed for this person

00:49:11--> 00:49:21

that he had a hump. He was extremely poor. They said that his pillow was his arm and he used to sleep under a tree.

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And this is a Sahaba of the Rasul sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, and very quickly, you know he wanted to get married. He wanted to get married, and nobody would marry him.

00:49:36--> 00:49:44

And the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wasallam heard about him. The Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam went himself to homes

00:49:45--> 00:50:00

until he met a couple, a family. And he said that I would like to offer marriage to your daughter. And you all know the story of the father who answered the who answered the call and was talking to the message.

00:50:00--> 00:50:51

Solo hottie was somebody that a lot of work about, that our soul wants to marry my daughter and he said, No, no, no, not me. It was July babe. And the mother who was sitting in that home heard this conversation. And as she ran towards the Prophet solo, I was summoned to the husband and said, No, I don't want I don't want to hear about July, but I want this. And the daughter heard it. And she said, Yeah. How can you refuse the command of the Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam? We aren't oma, semolina or Alterna. So we hear and we obey. And so the story continues. Allies so which are causes that they get married. And then as you know, the Battle of offered is proclaim and July babe

00:50:51--> 00:51:32

is stupid. He was martyred in the Battle of overheard. And so brothers and sisters realize marriage is a gift that allies so agile blesses each and every one of us who have that opportunity, that skill, that ability to uphold it. And with it, there are many, many good things, many, many positive things, many, many loving aspects of our lives. The greatest memories of our lives here in this dunya will happen during our marriages. And don't listen to those people who say things like you know, when you get married, then it's all

00:51:34--> 00:51:34

downhill.

00:51:36--> 00:51:41

It's all over buddy. You know, life's done. No, don't listen to this are all the biller

00:51:42--> 00:52:25

rules a biller? If you ever come across somebody like this seek refuge in allies. So agility protects you from such a statement for marriage. It can be the most beautiful agreement between you and your spouse. These are the words that I leave you with brothers and sisters, always in forever. We ask Allah subhanho wa Taala to indeed shower His mercy, his forgiveness, his peace and his guidance upon each and every one of us. For those of us who are married, we ask Allah azza wa jal to put bottlecap in our marriages put Baraka in our children, put bottlecap in our husbands and our wives, and we ask Allah azza wa jal for those of us who are not married, who wish to take that step

00:52:25--> 00:52:43

in their lives. May Allah subhanho wa Taala bring ease and comfort and grant you with a spouse that is pleasing to Him. subhanho wa Taala before they are pleasing to you. Well after Darwin and in hunted Allahu Akbar, Allah me and I thank you once said Mr. alikum warahmatu Allahi wa barakato