How the Quran teaches us what to do #06 Uff, Don’t even try it.
Channel: Musleh Khan
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said Mr Alaykum warahmatullahi wabarakatuhu hamdu Lillah wa salatu salam ala rasulillah. So today's Part Six about the word of, and I'm sure when many of you here that you know exactly what we're referring to. So let's get right into it. We're going to select a surah. So that is Surah. It's actually verse 23 and 24. So so little is wrong. Verse 23, and 24. Let's begin. Allah subhanho wa Taala says what called da da book Allah terrible Illa. Yeah, this verse, a lot of people think that this verse is all about her being good to parents. And then usually when we want to give our kids lectures about and reminders about being good to parents, this is one of the verses, you'll almost
always always hear about that, oh, you should never say to them, you know, Allah says this in court. And, actually, it's a bit more specific than that. It's not just parents in general, but it's very specific about parents that attain an old age. Because when do parents become difficult, it's usually when they get older. And we're going to show some examples of how that happens as we continue with the verse, but the verse starts like every single verse of the entire poor end, when Allah subhanho wa Taala wants to talk to you about parents, the first thing that he tells you about is himself, make sure that if you want to perfect a relationship with mom and dad, then you need to
make sure that you perfect your relationship with Allah subhanho wa Taala. Here's the question, Why, what's the connection? Why is it that every time Allah talks about parents, Allah has to speak about himself First, take care of my relationship, Your Worship to me first, then we'll get into the parents thing? The answer? I mean, there are many answers. But one answer that's very important for all of us to understand is that parents, especially when they get older, but just parents in general, that all of us who are parents out there, we completely know and understand what this is talking about. Parents will be difficult, whether they are young or old, whether they are new
parents, or old parents, they'll be difficult. You'll have moments where, and this is just part of life, you'll have moments where your parents will rub you the wrong way. They'll say things to you, they'll embarrass you, they'll make fun of your your cooking, you do a job like you clean up your room, you make something you're like, Mom, Dad, look what I did. And you're like, Oh, well, you didn't clean up that well, you vacuum, but you didn't vacuum that, well, you know, you cook but you didn't put enough salt in your food. And they'll say this in front of people, every now and then this is going to happen. The way to get through those difficult moments, those embarrassing moments,
those moments that make you go and you hold back, just to be able to deal with all of that, you still always know that Allah subhanho wa Taala is watching the last panel Tyler's hearing, and the fact that you have a strong connection with Allah, there is nothing in this world you cannot handle, especially with the people that you live with, and you're exposed to pretty much your entire life. And so to be able to get through those difficult moments where even if you ask people, you know, dude, I got parents, and they're so annoying, they're this, they're that they're always telling me this, they're always abusing me, they're always doing this and that. And they can give you all the
counsel and all the advice in the world. But at the end of the day, your strength and in relationship with your Creator, is what helps you get through all of that, and get through it in the best way, the most civilized way possible. So whether that means that you need to get help from others. I mean, it could be a very abusive and toxic situation at your house, with your parents. Or you're able to cope with those things yourself, you're able to handle and get through those difficulties with yourself. The point is, your relationship with Allah is what keeps you stable in the most difficult of times, it keeps everything under control. So especially when it comes to your
parents, I mean, your kids will annoy you. Your friends will annoy you your community will annoy you everybody on planet earth will annoy you. But when the annoyance comes from mom and dad, it's different. You know, I hear this a lot. But I mean, we all experienced this room. I hear this a lot like young students will say to me, you know, my my friends can insult me, they can swear at me, they can say all the names in the book to me. But the moment my mom or my dad or both of them just get upset. Like they stopped talking to me for the day. Or they say to me, oh, you're not being you're not you're not being good today. You know, you didn't listen to me, you're being annoying
today or they say something. It's not even a curse word. They're not putting me down, but they're just, they're just expressing a level of annoyance towards me. That's worse than anything my friends could have ever said to me. So it's very powerful. The relationship that we have with parents, and even if your parents are not alive, even if your parents are not Muslim, none of that matters. What being worried
At a center, it's your biological parents. And it doesn't matter what religion or background they come from. They're your parents. Case closed. Allah says that once you establish a good relationship and connection with me, now we can move forward to all of those difficult scenarios and moments, particularly in this area. It's about parents. So now Allah subhanaw taala says, I have deemed for you what call Bob book I have deemed an ordained and ordered you that you never worship anything other than me, soprano waterland. What Beware the Damien Senate bill when he name you see, there are lots of words in Arabic to describe parents, you have a bone, you have Oman, and in this area here,
you have landed and you have welded together dual form where the date, what is your biological parents, so Allah is very specific, it's not the person that you think is your parent that has raised you or done certain things that your parents haven't had. This is very specific, it's referring to your birth parents, and them in particular, wherever they may be in whatever relationship you have with them. Allah says the bare minimum that's required of you to them is what Bill worldleading is. So now, we've talked about s and in a previous video, and very briefly, so for us, is the peak of E men. But when it comes to how we treat parents, it's the start of that
relationship with parents. So when it comes to our individual worship and devotion, the peak of a man and faith is called a son. But when it comes to the starting point of respecting and loving parents, that's called a set. It's absolutely amazing that that's the starting point that Allah subhanho wa Taala puts out for you and I now look at what the verse is gonna, it's going to start to narrow down its conversation and focus of just exactly what part of this whole relationship, Allah is pointing out to Alice, teaching us well below the damier, Senate in May, Abu hanifa, in DeKalb, kibber, a huduma, Oklahoma, if one or both of them, and the key word here is their m deck. And that
means that they're near you, they're actually with you. You see, it's different that if your parents are in a different city, or in a different country, if you're talking to them on the phone, or on Skype, or what have you, and they start getting annoying to you. They're like, Oh, did you take your medicine? Are you taking care of your health? What are you cooking today? Who taught you to cook it that way I never taught and they're just going on and on and on on the phone about anything and everything. It's easy for you as a kid because they're in a different part of the world. Okay, mom, dad, Okay, I gotta go. Now you have somebody at the door, oh, I have to leave now. Okay, I'm gonna
get busy, the kids are calling me and you can just clunk, you can just hang up the phone. But when they're back there with you. Now you can't do that. Now, in this case, here now doesn't mean that it's okay for you to just hang up the phone, or stop texting or stop responding to their texts and stop answering their calls. But specifically here in Las panatela is saying that if they are physically there in front of you, then either one or both parents feather tapori lahoma off, don't you dare utter any expression of before we get to go back to all of us.
When we're talking about our relationship, and even especially the the difficult moments, the difficult times that you have with parents, it's important to understand and this is for me, and it doesn't matter how old you are, as a son or daughter, listen to this, it doesn't matter. You can be 50, you can be 75, if your parents are still alive, one or both of them. Allah is saying that there are certain aspects of their character, their personality and behavior as parents that you are going to have to just accept and deal with. It's a grind, we all have to go through. You know, I could remember years ago, I used to take care of an elderly man. And I when I used to go visit him, as
soon as I walked into his house, he would tell me to open the window, right just to get some some air into the house. So I go over there and I start to crack the window open. He would say to me, stop, stop, stop. And I would literally freeze. He's like, not so much. Close it a little bit. So I close it just an inch boys I go, That's too much. Go back a bit more. And I'm sitting there and I'm like, Man, this is so precise. I mean, was he a scientist or something that I didn't know about? And he would just literally tell me that just a little bit more a little more. I wouldn't even move the window an inch and then he would say stop and leave it there. Those are the moments that you have to
say nothing you'll be quiet. Don't even say off don't express off. Now come to the word of off is it isn't theory is what we call it in Arabic. It's a name or an action or an expense.
But what's amazing about this a is not the actual word off. It's how Allah subhanho wa Taala does not specify what should be. Why? Because what could be annoying or unacceptable in one home might be a little bit different than somebody else's house. So for example, you can say to somebody, Dude, why are you talking to your mom that way? Like, why are you raising your voice, but you're not cursing at them? You're not insulting them, but you are getting a little loud. So he'll say to his buddy, Dude, why are you raising your voice relax, but then in another scenario, raising the voice in somebody else's house is completely normal. So how do we understand what off is? The answer is,
it goes back to the basic parameters and principles of what is considered to be good character. And to to get this answer you have to go to the Quran and Sunnah. So let's go to Let's go now we're in the horn already. Let's go to the Sunday now. Our Prophet it sought was Salam said an authentic hadith narrated in Wahhabi and Muslim said a statement that literally sets the tone of how to deal with all of this. So how do you know what's good in one house isn't good in another what's acceptable here is not acceptable there. As a matter of fact, even for us kids, our values, and the way that we treat our own children might be different than how our parents taught us. So you might
be taking your kids over to grandparents house, right. And you've raised your children that healthy snacks, no candies, no sugar, no junk food. But when they go to grandma and grandpa's house, what happens? Grandpa gives them some, you know, some sweets, grandma gives them their allowance, even though they just got an allowance from you two days ago, grandma's sticks like a $5 bill or something. And then they come to you and say mom, dad, liquid Grandpa, and grandma gave me and he has a lollipop in his mouth and a chocolate bar here and a bag of chips here. It's like local grandparents gave, you can't go to your grandparents. Now you can go to your parents and say to the
mom, dad, how could you do that? Why would you give them the this junk food, if I don't give it to them in my own house, don't do that to that to my kids, you don't get to say that. ls says, Don't even express to them. That doesn't mean now that they have this free car to just parent all the like, with kids that don't even belong to them. What that means is that even if you're going to disagree, or you want to say to your parents, Mom, Dad, you know, I try to control how much junk food they have. You see the difference? It's a difference when you're just talking and you're trying to encourage and you're trying to say to your parents that look, you know, I'm trying to train them
just to reduce the amount of junk food they reduce the amount of playtime they have, because I really want to focus on their academic understudies. I want to focus on you know, he just got six cavities in his mouth. So we're trying to decrease the sweets, etc, etc, etc. Just talk to them, talking to your parents about things that you prefer, as opposed to what they prefer is not hot. All right, you can disagree with parents. That's not how long. It's the mannerism and that mannerism is captured in just one word in Arabic, two letters of Elif and for orphan ism Theron, as we mentioned is an expression of disgust you know, annoyance, frustration, some scholars explained off to mean
the the fingernails the trimmings of your fingernails. So when somebody trims their nails, the leftovers when you look at that it's you know, it's on the carpet, it's on the floor or what have you. And it's disgusting. And you say oh of Arabs do this a lot as well, where they when they when something shocks them or something is upsetting to them. They say Oh, FIAR off, right. So it's a term that still use, but for us English speaking individuals and where we come from, we don't usually say the word of. So that's why it's important to understand number one, it's an expression as well not restricted to just words. Words are part of oath, but not restricted to. So even there,
some some kids men, they don't have to say a word, they just give you a look. And that's enough to hurt their parents. That's enough to make their parents cry. Just you know, you'll give them that look. Or you'll react if they ask you Okay, can you come help me in the garage?
Fine. I'll come and see that that's off.
Can you go clean up your room?
Okay, fine, although that's off.
Or you don't do anything. You just sit there. And your parents call you over and over. Could you help me cook? Would you help me in the kitchen? You come upstairs? I can't get out of the bed. My back hurts. Did you give him a massage? Did you rub my back rub my feet? Like Okay, fine. I was doing homework, but whatever. That's all both lessons, particularly when your parents will attain an old age.
You have to be able to control and stop off in every scenario possible. Stop it. You know, abuse is one thing, as we said, you know, those are things that you can address and address it properly. And if you need help, you can go and seek counsel and help that's different. We're just talking about relationships, regular relationships, where your level of patience and tolerance is started to shorten. And your parents testing and pushing every button in your life is happening more and more consistently. With that being said, I'm going to drift out of this for a minute and go into a side point. With COVID-19. We all see and we all hear that the elderly community, you know, all of the
mothers and fathers in senior homes are getting hit extremely hard with COVID, especially particularly here, where I'm living in Canada and in North America, every single day more than a dozen, sometimes more than, you know, much more than that as a 5060 100 people in one seniors home is getting the COVID virus. But then what it also exposed was the treatment that those mothers and fathers were getting in those seniors home even pre COVID-19 you know, the neglect the the incred horrendous, horrendous conditions, yet that some of them were so bad. Some of the conditions that they were that these that these mothers and fathers these elderly people were living with was so
terrible, it's hard to even mention it. It's hard to even say this to you. It's unimaginable, and for us as Muslims
is enough for Allah to keep us to do the right thing when even if we're working in seniors homes, and we're taking care of these elderly men and women just because the they could be our parents, the prophet alayhi salatu salam so let's go back to what that Hadeeth is, I wanted to share with you that authentic hadith narrative Hadith Muslim, the prophet alayhi salatu was Salam tells us when you curse, or you swear, at a, at a person that is old enough to be your own parent, a love counts that as though you have cursed your own biological mother and father.
So when you're in that senior's home, and that patient is annoying you they keep digging, you know, ringing the bell calling, buzzing you to come back in the nurse or whoever off, you do your job, no matter how frustrating and upsetting it gets. The fact that you do your job is one thing, but this is another human being. And they're old enough to be your own parents. So how you treat somebody else's parent could actually determine how Allah will account you for treating your own parents. What you say to somebody who is old enough to be yours, your parent, Allah will account you as though you're doing the exact same thing to your own mother and father. That's unbelievable. If that
was the only Hadith to teach us about burial where the dying.
It could be enough. I mean, we have much more narrations and traditions this week. But that one particular profound hadith of our messenger sallallahu alayhi wa sallam tells us that Beware the day, the principle of respecting parents in general, is something that is universal. It's not just only your mom and dad, but you can curse out everybody else's mother and father. No. And then Allah says, even if you don't say anything, as long as it fits within the realm of off, CASE CLOSED, don't do it. For that top level. Now often, what I tend to have Well, what will level mount calling Karina? And don't you dare, don't you dare scold them. 10 harder from now on. Narrow is also a verb
that's used that if you're in a pool, and you start splashing water in your face, that's called Neptune. So Allah is saying, and don't scold them. So this is an extension out of office. This is an extension of it. So I was just saying, don't even give them the look, because that's like, you're scolding them without saying anything. Don't leave a scar on their life in their memory. Don't do that. Because parents, especially when they're when they're old, they never forget moments like that. The one time where they called for you, but you didn't answer for a whole week, the one time where they try to express their opinion on something and you embarrass them in front of the guests
in front of everyone else. They were embarrassed. They don't they don't forget that and they will literally sit in their bed remembering and thinking about I can't believe my son said that to me. I can't believe my daughter acted that way. And then Allah subhanho wa Taala tells us what level now Poland Kadima and see words that are noble, that are just that are peaceful. So in other words, us kids. There is a
A large portion of our relationship with parents that we have to that we don't like that we have to swallow. Keep it to yourself. You know, you don't like it. Your parents are not perfect, too bad.
If they don't speak English as well as you do too bad, learn their language. They don't have to learn English for you, you learn it for them. Where am I getting this from? The last verse, what level imagine I had the liminal Rama, called Rob did come home or come out of band and suddenly your lower your wings of humility and mercy to them? What does that even mean? You know, if a bird is flying, you know, if they start flapping their wings, they excel and they start going higher and higher, and they fly. But the bird has to make the choice to lower its wings, so that it can do what so that it can land. And it can potentially be vulnerable to predators and other things. But the
point is, it makes the choice to lower its wings. So that it could be amongst other birds, it could look for food, but it's risky. But it's the humility in that choice. So for us kids, what this is saying that even if your parents don't speak English, well, they've never gone to school. They grew up milking the cows and going to the farm at 4am in the morning. And they can speak and they can articulate themselves similar to you. They don't have the background, the education, the status and all of those things. What is the lesson you the kids, lower yourselves or to the same level or below to mom and dad? Unbelievable? Walk with level magenta had the liminal right. That's mercy. You know,
mercy is explained differently. Scholars differ how the mercy is expressed in this area, the mercy could come from you, to your parents, the mercy could be an expression, so any act of mercy towards your parents, but the point is, it has to come from you have to be able to initiate that so that you don't present this superior personality or presence in front of your parents. You never ever make yourself come across as though you're better than your parents in any way. No matter what Allah subhanho wa Taala blessed you with that he didn't give it to your parents. This is what a lot so Joel is telling us walk Fifth Level imaginer had the liminal right hand woman and you pray and make
all door to Allah, Allah have mercy on them, bless them, take care of them come out of band saphira. The same way they used to do that with us when we were when we were little. They used to care for us. You know, when we were when we were little, we would kick our parents in bed. And they would still tap us gently to sleep. When we were little. They would cook and you know, do all of make all of these nice foods for us. 99% of the time. Your parents, you know, they'll make food that you like, not what they like. They'll ask you so what do you want to eat today? I want to eat pasta. I want to eat spaghetti. But you ate that yesterday? Yeah, I want to eat it again. And guess what mom
does? She makes it again.
And that the same relationship, anything that you want, parents will just give it to you and they become second. This actually happened when I showed up the loved one had a woman with her two daughters came to the house. And they were beggars. So I showed her the love wine.
She had three dates. So she gave the mother a date and the two daughters that date each. Soon as the daughters got the date, they literally just devoured it. And the mother when she's looking at her two daughters eating because they were starving. She took her own data, she split it in half and gave it to her daughter. And I showed her the love wine her she saw this. And she was so impressed. She couldn't believe the sacrifice that the mother made that mother is starving too. But she didn't want to see her kids starve from any further. So she sacrificed her own date and gave it to her daughters and a messenger Elisa to sell them when he eventually told her husband about this. And he
told her a statement, it took hold now whether we should kitamura protect yourself from the fire even if it's just with a date. In other words, in other words, even if you give a date for the sake of Allah subhanaw taala to feed somebody else that could actually be a protection from you, for you from the fire. So the point is, walk with love. Imagine I had the lemina right now. And then you would pray for our parents will call up the humble metamodel banni ciliata. We will always be indebted to what our parents do for us. And for those of you who have parents that weren't Muslim or that have already passed away. Don't think that these verses don't think that these verses you skip
them over and you just continue. These verses are just as relevant just as applicable to you as anyone else. Why because if you're
Parents are not here. Then you preserve and protect their memory, their legacy. You can't just have conversations with people. Yeah, my mom. Yeah, she was really annoying but you know,
I coped with it. You don't get to do that. You don't get to expose the faults of your parents, even after they're passed away. Leave that alone. That's between them and a lot. You don't know what it's like to be a parent until you became one. And especially for the kids listening to this. You might be thinking to yourself, Well, you know what, Brother Muslim, I get it. I hear you. I hear what the Koran is saying. I hear what the Sudanese say, but you don't live in my house. You don't know my mom, my mom can be so, so difficult. You don't know my father. My father is allergic to smiling. He has no sense of humor whatsoever. You don't know what it's like living at home with my parents. So
thanks. What is a let's say, a book of Ireland will be Murphy in a full circle.
The next verse, I mean, I didn't put it here but I'll just hint at it and then we'll pause inshallah. But book of Ireland will be Matthew no forsaken, Allah knows what's inside of you. So panela. So if I don't know, no one else knows a lesson. I know what's what's going on in your house. I know what you're dealing with. So just talk to me and tell kudos to him. If you're actually telling the truth about your parents than just talk to me.
Just speak to me about it. I'll counsel you, I'll give you the strength. Did you see how we're up we'll come in and we'll be morphine or fusi comm took us back to the beginning of verse 23. While called auto book, dealing with the difficult moments in with parents, all goes back to your discipline and your relationship, your strength between you and Allah subhanho wa Taala get that strong and stable. And all the faults in those difficult moments with parents, you'll be able to get through get through them just fine. So with that being said, may Allah subhanho wa Taala bless, honor, love and protect our mums and our dads wherever they may be endemic Can you mean those that
are with us and those who have passed on? May Allah subhana wa tada love and protect them, reward them and give them the highest level of genital for dose of Allah. Those of you who have been separated from mom and dad May Allah subhanho wa Taala reunite you, with your mum and with your dad. In general for dosa, Aurelia. Those of you who have parents from another faith may Allah azza wa jal keep your relationship strong with them in this world and give you the best place and stance in the effort are together with new lady Terrell in a manner that is pleasing to Him. subhanho wa Taala. And so that's how we're short reminder today may Allah bless you all just like Malawi Salaam Alaikum