Father and Mother vs Son and Daughter #1

Musleh Khan


Channel: Musleh Khan

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AI: Summary © The speakers discuss the challenges of parenting and the need for parents to understand their parents' values. They emphasize the importance of protecting blessings and setting specific rules and values, as well as the importance of early engagement in helping children develop healthy mental health. The speakers stress the need for parents to be present during these times to ensure the well-being of their children.
AI: Transcript ©
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I welcome you all here to a two part discussion titled mum and dad versus

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a daughter and son. So basically, the parents and their children, and in some cases, the children and their parents, all of the lessons in sha Allah that we're going to look at tonight, will be extracted from one of the most beautiful stories in the entire poor end, a story that Allah azza wa jal himself calls accidental costs, it is the best story that you can find. A lie uses the word Eisen, which comes from the word air sun, which means righteousness. So the story is beautiful, because it's filled with righteousness in it, what does that mean? It basically means this is not a story that you're just gonna waste your time reading from beginning to end. And it's gonna be filled

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with all of this mumbo jumbo stuff that you might read in other stories. But sort of the use of is a story that's filled with morals and lessons that you take in your in your entire life. And it doesn't matter how old or young you are. Now, the presentation insha Allah are ways that our children can bridge the gap that they have with parents at all levels, in communication, in behavior in understanding all of their goals and their visions that they want to complete and achieve in their life. How they can bridge that gap in making their parents mom and dad understand where they're coming from, understand who they are, understand what they're looking for, and what they

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want. A lot of times in our society and in many parts of the world, what children want today is very different than what parents had or wanted during their time. That's the challenge that we're faced with today. And that's why the this relationship between parents is slowly but surely diminishing, and that gap is getting larger and larger each and every single day. Then you have the other extreme, you add the extreme from the parents perspective, mothers and fathers, we grew up learning how to do things a certain way. And this is my humble opinion. But the way things were done in the past was by far more effective than the way things are done now. Because back then a lot of parents

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will say and I mean, just to make a long story short, that

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they had to work for each and everything that they wanted, nothing was really given to them. Your father or your mother probably had a job that paid them $2 an hour, but that's what they lived by. And this is what they had to struggle by to take care of four and five children. Your father and your mother walked to school every single day. And this was like four or five kilometres, they're walking to school. This is after they milk the cows and the sheep or whatever, and they took care of the animals in the morning. And after they did all of that they would go to school come home, and they still had to continue those chores. They had a routine that they followed. They basically had

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to sweat and struggle for everything that was given to them. Our children today, a lot of them don't have those experiences anymore. So they lose those morals and they look at things in a completely different manner. So how do we work together in sha Allah to at least achieve one goal

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for the for the young Shabaab and the the youngsters that we have today.

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Michael Jordan did an interview with I mean, you guys all know him as Ahmad Rashad, right? But his name is actually Amador Rashid. Okay, so let's call him by that name. So I have Rashid or aka Ahmad Rashad, right. He sat with Michael Jordan. What are we in March, so in February, just last month, and he did a one and a half hour interview with him. And he asked Michael Jordan when he used to play ball. He asked them he asked him about three individuals himself, Michael Jordan, Scottie Pippen and Dennis Rodman. And he asked what was the what was the trigger?

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Challenge of playing with all of these individuals, because these are all different people. You have Michael Jordan who's got his own personality. He dresses a certain way. He's an intelligent guy. And he's basically like a gentleman on and off the court. Then you have Scottie Pippen who's very similar. Well, this is a guy that tries to master different skills at different times. Like he had his own methodology of how he approached the game. Then you had Dennis Rodman, who was on a different planet, period, right? He was somewhere else. But Ahmad Rashad asked the Michael Jordan, how did the coach Phil Jackson, coach, all three of you guys when you guys had different

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personalities? And Michael Jordan responded and said that that was what made his coach very unique, that he was able to take three different personalities bring them together. And they all had one goal. What was their goal? They had it six times, what was it? That to win their championship? Right? So you have all of these three guys who play differently? Rodman doesn't care about scoring, what does he care about? rebounds? That's all he cares about? See, so all of these things, you put them together? How do you guys achieve the same thing? So believe it or not, that interview is what inspired me to do this? Because I watched the interview. I'm Michael Jordan fan. I've always been a

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Michael Jordan fan. And I think they'll probably remain that way. Right? So I've watched the interview, and I find it really interesting. I find that Michael Jordan is a very smart individual. He's very smart with his words, and how he presents certain things about himself. I find that about him. So anyhow, I decided to use the same concept. How do you take children today, from all these different backgrounds, and all these different pressures, and all of these different communities and societies and bring them together? towards one vision and one goal, what's our one vision and one goal, everybody remember this is to please Allah and follow His Messenger, sallallahu alayhi wa

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sallam, that's our vision. That's our goal. That's what we want to achieve in this world. And we don't care where we come from. We don't care about our cultures. We don't care about anything like that. So let's begin. One of the first things about sort of abusive, that's really, really miraculous is the way it begins.

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It begins by Allah azza wa jal telling us that he's going to tell us a story. National nakasu are like us and apostles. I'm going to tell you the best story. So who is Allah right now in Surah? Yusuf, he is the storyteller. Scholars, they say that from this particular part of the surah, we see the benefits of sharing stories with each other stories is actually something that really can play with the mind and cause it to think about things in a totally different perspective. It's an eye catcher, it's the thing that draws your attention. Let me let me give you an example. I just told you an incident or a story about Michael Jordan in this interview.

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I know for a fact, as the person speaking here, that the audience that's listening to me, I know that that may have caught some of you off guard, because you wouldn't expect me to sit here. We're talking about pseudo use of then all of a sudden, Dennis Rodman, and these guys come into the picture, right? You wouldn't think about that. That's what stories does. Stories causes you to start thinking. And that's why the word hustlers is plural for Chris Sutton. Chris Sutton, literally means a man that's walking in the sand and leaving footsteps in the sand. And another person will walk into those same footsteps. Some of you probably do that in the winter. You know, when you're walking

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through snow, and you don't want to get you know, snow in your shoes or in your socks. So what do you do? You start looking for the footsteps or the footprints from someone else who walk there and you start walking in them. That's called hustlers, or that's called Chris Sutton. You're living the story. That's why when a child whenever you tell them stories, what do they say to you? They feel like they're Harry Potter. They feel like they're Barney or whoever they feel like they're the person in that story. So Allah azza wa jal is saying that surah Yusuf, I'm going to tell it to you and make you feel like you're walking through the actual story itself. It's as if you're going to be

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Yusuf, and you're going to go through from beginning to end. One of the first lessons that we get listen to this

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is that the believer is concerned for his family, or her family and his or her children. This is the

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First point that I want you to keep in mind. A true believer is concerned about his or her family and his and her children. Where do we get this from sort of use of?

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You remember that part when use the family? He said, um, he came to his father and he says Father, Father, Father, I saw 11 stars, a sun and a moon all making suju to me. What did the father say? That the father say? subpanel? Ah, I'm the Prophet. How did you see that? Did the father say, why did you get that dream and I didn't get that dream. What the father didn't do anything like this. He already knew what 11 stars and a sun and moon meant. It meant that his son was going to be a prophet. He already knew that from the very beginning. So what does he tell his son? La taco Soto er Kerala a hottie cafe a key do like a Qaeda. The first thing that the father does, is he protects use

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of he doesn't want just anybody know about this dream because this dream was a blessing. fathers and mothers. Whenever you see your children memorize the poor n got a grades in school or got 100% on an exam. Your responsibility for your children is not to boast this blessing that Allah gave them to others. Let me give you an example. A lot of parents, they mean good when they do this, it's not something bad about them. It's actually something good that they have in their heart. It's just that their approach should be a little more subtle. They'll bring their son who just went into like a Duke C or a tech field right? And he completed the his memorization of the whole core and so he

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brings his son to the best kid and he brings in says so normally coma fiata Hi high you know anything how you know how are you doing? And then he tells the the the people brothers, he's talking to him. This is my son he's happy little Koran and Masha Allah you know, so then you'll go to the next person and you'll do the same thing. You know, this is my son Mashallah. He just finished the quarter and he has he does everything else, Mashallah, you know, and what they do is they try to cover it up by just throwing in the Masha Allah as as much as they can. But really what's in embedded in the heart is, they're proud of their child. And they want others to also be proud. But

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you have to know how to nurture this. Remember that when Allah gives you blessings in anything, whether it's by Islam, as the religion Allah gave you, or elevated you, or a loved gave you wealth or something materialistic, with that comes responsibility. So you have to know when and how you should express those blessings that Allah gave you. When it comes to a half of the Koran or anything to do with Islam. The most effective way to deal with it is keep it between you and the family. You know, some of the self they used to say

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that we used to have friends for more than 10 years. And some of them actually had siblings, so some of the self had brothers and sisters, and the brother would be half an hour. And the other brother would not know for more than 10 years, he wouldn't know that his own brother was a half years old or an ad more than 10 years would go by and they would never know this. Why? Because it was something just between them and Allah azza wa jal. What you're doing here, mothers and fathers is when you do this, you're teaching your children indirectly that everything that they have good is from Allah azza wa jal. It's not just from our efforts. So what they do, as a result, they start appreciating,

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and find contentment in everything that they do. So all the blessings, keep it as a family, and all the materialistic things be humble when you have them. If Allah gave you a brand new car, and the whole family wants to get in for a drive and go downtown or something, be humble. In your heart, you're just like everyone else. You're just like every single person in the community, it humbles you. This is why some of them are limited. They say wealth can do one of two things. It can destroy you, or it can elevate you, you decide which one you want to do. second lesson number two. So the first one that we have is protect the blessings of your family and children. Number two,

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is that the wise and intelligent person does not flaunt these blessings, which we talked about. So in other words, you're teaching your children contentment. So one, one practical way of doing this is setting certain house rules and morals. Let me give you an example. Parents, as I mentioned to you, when you grew up, that you were used to doing things a certain way. Like for example, my father always used to tell

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Call me, every time he sees me using a calculator is I was like, Look, YouTube miski, you know you're using a calculator right? Back in our days, we never use calculators we used to count. That's why our memories are so strong. I believe my father, actually when he tells me that, I believe that when you put your memory and exercise that and cause it to think it becomes a lot stronger, and you become in your memories constantly stays that way, like a sponge. So I believe my father when he says that, so what I try to do when I hear something like that,

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is whenever I can do thing, things off the top of my head, I immediately start to do it. And whenever I give up, I don't go without a calculator, I go to my father. And what that does for my father now is that starts to build a trust. Now we have something that we can, that we have in common. Now we have something that we can continue to relate about. And it just leads us to one thing over another over another old fashion rules, old fashioned ways of doing things. You can still implement them today in 2013. If you want your children for at least one day of the week to go out for a walk or get some exercise, then what should you do? Try to go with them. Remember, children

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are not furniture, where you kind of push them around and say do this or do that or you leave it here and you come back to it and attend when you're ready.

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Children need training and from the youngest age to the oldest age, they always will need that training. How are you going to get them to listen we're going to come to that. So that's number two. Number three is that the shaitaan is very eager to cause problems between the believers. Show you time is eager to cause problems between the believer when we are called Allah His Salaam hears this dream from his son Yusuf Allah azza wa jal comes and says now, and he reveals that verse, okay, then Nikita Tabby, carob book where you are limo come in with a hadith and it continues. And then that verse ends off in a sheath on it in Sani, I don't want to be in verily the shavon towards mankind is

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an open enemy to us. The shaytan is our enemy. Everybody knows that. But what Sue that Youssef teaches us is that shaitan always causes problems, especially with family members, with aunts and uncles, every single family member, every single family has problems, either with their siblings, brothers and sisters, always fighting can't get along, or aunts and uncles, this is the human nature, we're going to have these issues, but shaytan makes it worse. Why is this so important? When the father of use of said, don't tell your brothers about this stream? Because they're going to get jealous of you? The Father, what immediately he does is he says, The brothers are going to feel

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jealous of you. Because shaytan is an open enemy. You see what he did? What he did is he didn't blame the brothers for this mistake. He blamed the shave pawn. What is he doing here? He's protecting the honor of these other siblings and brothers. Why? So that use of can you still eventually grow up and respect them? How do you interpret this for us today? When children, if you have mothers and fathers when you have children, and usefulness notice that one of them seems to excel and become better than the other. One of them just seems to be more practicing than the other. That's not going to be your favorite child. Naturally, you may love certain characteristics about

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them. Yes, my son, he became the half of the Koran, but my daughter Allahumma sterren. You know who she needs help. Or my other son, he doesn't even know how to read the Koran. This is my gem, this is my Pearl, you don't want to do that. This verse here tells us that you try to treat every single individual in the family equally as best as you can. And what is what's also permissible is that you categorize each of your children. So in other words, the guy or the child that is devoted to Islam, you're going to deal with him at an Islamic level. But the child who's far from Islam, you're not going to send him to Brother Muslim and say, Look, fix my child, what you're going to do is you're

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going to deal with that child at his level as well. So what are you going to do? Believe it, believe it or not brothers and sisters, this child here does is not ready for Islamic advice. They're not ready for it yet. You need to go through a process before you get there. So what you may have to do with that particular channel

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Is your may have to start using logical examples of things that are happening around him start to show him Look, you're a smart guy, look, you did so well on your exam, you're just going to use things that he can he or she can relate to at that moment. You can't say to a child like that, you know, the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam told us that on yo mo pm at the half, or they will be elevated based on how many verses they they have memorized, and they've learned, so you should try them learn something, you know what the child is going to say to you? Yeah, okay, inshallah, whatever. But the one who's the half who understands, he's gonna say, Subhana, Allah insha. Allah, I

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hope I never forget my poor eye. You see what you're doing, you're using your own psychology on your children. So you know how to deal with them on their level. That's what I do. Every time you know, parents, you bring your children to me, that's exactly what I do. I'll have a guy who walks into my office. He's got the fro the size of, you know, God knows what Ray comes in there. And he has his pic in his fro. And he comes in and he sits in, he doesn't say solimar, they come to me nothing. And he'll just sit down. And his back is at the bottom of the chair, you know, so he's just like this. And I'll ask him, what's your name? He'll he'll tell me his name is Mo.

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His name is Mohammed. He calls himself Mo. So I deal with him at that level. So I call him mo sama. What's your problem? What do you want for me? What do you weigh in my office for and I start to try to speak his language. And a lot of people think I have this gift with me that I can relate to the youth, brothers and sisters, I am nowhere near the age of a youth. I'm a father myself, I am far away. The last time I've been in high school is going to be almost almost 20 years ago. I'm a lot older than you think I am. But it's just that being in the dour field. It's caused me to learn the language of the youth. So that's why I use it with them. And I use it against them. Sometimes they

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use it against them. Sometimes we'll see a youth

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and just by the outside, I will think to myself if I say send out more alikum to him. He might be like oh, I've so. So what the first thing I will do is I'll take my hand out I like yo what's going on man and give him like the props and everything and you know, and then I'll throw in a Salam Alikum to him. What does that do? throws him off guard completely. But I've opened the door for communication with him. Now he'll talk to me. The next day, the same youth will come up to me. So I'm like camos here, can you share what's going on? But the point is, I got them where I want him. He's comfortable with me. Parents, you have to learn how to do this with your children. You there is

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no age limit or get our cap from this. You could be the oldest person you can be the youngest father or mother You can do this with your children. So keep that in mind. Number four,

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Allah Allah azza wa jal says,

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or one of the lessons that we get is a good house produces good children. This is the fourth lesson. Allah azza wa jal says what calverley kg Tabby cow book, this is the way that Allah has protected you while you are LIMU coming up with a hadith where you tame more narrow metal who Lake Allah azza wa jal says in this verse in this verse to yopu, barley Salaam, I'm going to protect you. I'm going to teach you to understand dreams, the same way that I protected your grandmother, your grandfather and your great grandfather, and all of them came before you, who's the grandfather of Jaco is how, who's the grant, who's the father of his help, Ibrahim? So Ibrahim is his great grandfather. So what

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did Allah say here? I'm going to protect you the same way I protected all of them. What is Allah xojo saying here? Basically, if your home is a practicing home, like your father, and your grandfather, then that's exactly what's going to happen to you. In other words, if you build an religious home for yourself and your family, that's the kind of offspring you're going to have. Why is this so important?

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I tell you, brothers and sisters 90% of why a person's IE men would drop every single day is because of the home that they come from. It's not because they're not in the masjid enough. Being in domestic is only a temporary solution. It only gives you that boost that you need for that very moment. The messenger doesn't walk with you when you leave these doors. It doesn't go anywhere with you. When you walk out of these doors, you're back into the reality again,

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The Weston has left you. So what is this supposed to do? Your house is supposed to be the masjid Your house is supposed to be, and I choose my words wisely is supposed to be like the graveyard. And when I say that, it's a place of reminder, it should always remind you about the era, your message should also be a counseling center, sorry, your home should be a counseling center. Your home should also be a place where children can enjoy themselves and find comfort in them. You know, parents one statement, you have to be very careful, if your child ever says to you, I hate coming home. If your child ever says this to you, then you need to stand up and start to take responsibility, figure out

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what's happening. Because that is probably one of the most dangerous statements your child will ever say to you is that they don't feel happy to come home to their house with the rest of their family. That's when you start to see the separation, the gap, your child, instead of coming home, he's going to create his own house in his room. And that's when he's going to start to build his house in his room. He's going to stay there for four or five hours every single day. And you're not gonna know you're not gonna have an idea. Did he pray his Salah is he eating? Did he he or she make will do rd What are they doing in there, the door is locked. It's their moment that becomes their home. So be

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careful about this. Building a good home creates good children.

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I can't solve the problems that are happening in some of the Muslims homes. The Masjid can't solve those problems. The home itself has to start developing the solution. The Masjid will assist that process, the Muslim community will help out through that process. But we can't give you the answers and fix and tune and do this or do that to make things better. That's why when parents you know when they come to me and they say brother, Muslim, I want you to talk to my child, I want you to give them advice. I don't know what I'm going to say to them. I don't know what I'm I don't know what you want me to tell them. But what I do is I'll say I will listen to them. So when the child comes into

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my my office, the first thing I always do is I ask the parents to leave. I don't want the parents in there. It's just me and that child. And I will ask that child, first question. Do you want to be here and sit and talk to me right now

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99% of the time the child will say Not really. But my mom and dad told me I should come. So they just did just as a favor to them, they had no choice. That's that that wastes not only the parents time, but it also wastes my time. Because why immediately what that tells me is something about the home and where they came from. Immediately, it's going to tell me that this is going to probably be a situation where the parents are going to look for solutions outside the home, when the solutions can actually start within that home. And one of the mistakes that a lot of parents they make is that they'll bring their child for Duke. See, they're bringing their child for Sunday classes, they'll

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bring their child for the halaqa.

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What do you think they will do? They would leave,

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they would leave and go and they would leave their child here. You don't have to actually listen to the halaqa or be a part of the duck see with your presence should be there, that the child should know that you're part of all of this as well. And it's not just the job that they're going to fulfill. And that's only a temporary situation. You don't have to continue doing that all the time. So keep in mind brothers and sisters, a good home. A pious home produces good and pious children. Number six

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or number five, the importance sort of use of teaches us the importance of being fair, equal and just to all people. We touched on this very briefly, to treat all children and people in the home fairly and equally. Allah azza wa jal says no, where do we get this? Remember the brothers they said when they started to put their plan together. They said that our Father loves Yousif more than he loves us. In other words, they didn't find no equality in terms of the love and the nurture that the father was giving to everyone else. They didn't find that. So here it shows that love and equality has to be there to build justice in the home. The worst nightmare for a child is when they don't

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feel the love that another sibling may be getting. That is the worst. That is the absolute worst feeling for a child when they feel that the mother and the father may love the brother or their sister more than them or pay more attention to them or hear

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She is always talking to her, always giving her the way out. I'm the one that always has to do the dirty work. I'm the one that always has to pick up. I'm the one that always is asked to do this to run errands to do the chores, this this, this, I'm the one that's always being picked on. Children can't feel this way. It's even mentally, it's disturbing and unhealthy for them to feel this way. So from sort of the use of it teaches us to treat children fairly as best as you can. How do you do this? You do this brothers and sisters in one simple, simple way. Even psychologists have talked about this, even you know those series about for Dummies. As a matter of fact, today,

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I just saw that there's actually a book for dummies, you know, how they say psychology for dummies programming for dummies and that sort of those series, there's actually one called the poor n for Dummies.

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You know, there's actually a book that's designated on how to risk how to approach the poor and understand some of the basic sciences of the poor n for Dummies. I mean, don't don't listen to that, you know, dummy party, you know, that's just a nice that the person use is just a phrase that they use, that gives some exclusiveness to those series. But the point is, is that that simply is it's there, it's available for them as well. But anyhow, to apply all of this, you do it in one simple manner. And that is you be a good listener, be a good listener to your children. As long as I tell you, mothers and fathers, if you just listen to your children, they will naturally feel the love at

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whatever level they want to feel it. If you just give time and listen to children, they're automatically going to think that you've given them their time, you're always paying attention. You love them just as much as you love everyone else. Be a strong listener. If your child comes home one day and says, You know, I had like the worst day at school ever. Like it's just the worst day I hated everybody that I saw. I didn't want to to talk to nobody, and it just came home. You know what, uh, some parents might say, some parents want to say Sharla hire, you know, Muay Thai, or something, you know, this is you know, hire, stop thinking about evil or don't make labor. A good

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smart parent will say, what happened? Sit down. Look, I'll make you tea or let's go for timmies or something. Look, I'm not doing anything right now. Let's get into what happened. Tell me about it. Who was bugging you? You want me to go down to your school and deal with it or something, you know, you get on the same level with your children. You're just a good listener, isn't it? And Rahim Allah said

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that to listen is one of the most effective ways to train your brain to memorize. This is especially for the alfalfa. Whenever you're listening to pour in and you want to memorize, that's one of the easiest ways to memorize score. And just by listening to it, not necessarily sitting with a teacher at hamdulillah. I want you guys to know, I am living proof for this. I had memorized the entire Quran and I never had a teacher. My teacher was men, shall we? What was it it was just cassettes, I went to Habib's bookstore, I bought myself the full cassette series, the entire port and I just went through it all by myself. And I finished the entire poor end. After that, I realized how much

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mistakes I've memorized. So then eventually, I had to go to a teacher to clean all of that up. But what that taught me was the statement of Eben Pagan, if I trained my ears to listen, that in and of itself was was causing me to gain knowledge and learn in so be a good listener. Number six,

00:33:54--> 00:34:41

be jealousy drives a person insane. This is another lesson that we've learned from sorta diffusive jealousy drives a person insane. That whole story from beginning to end of sorta Yousef, how did it start? Started with jealousy? It started with these brothers who got jealous of one particular Brother, what did they cause them to do? Or go to loose of width? Or who? aerodyne Yehuda komachi be calm, water cooler member de pohlmann solly him one thing one concept caused them to sit together and say you know what? Let's just get rid of use of Let's kill him. Then or let's throw him at the bottom of the well. And then somebody will come and take him away and no one will ever hear from him

00:34:41--> 00:34:55

again. And then eventually we'll come back to our father smiling and all happy and repent for that. We're gonna come to that shortly. Jealousy drives a person insane. Children Now I'm going to speak to you

00:34:56--> 00:34:59

feeling jealous about

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A certain quality or qualities, about your siblings or the people around, you should do one of two things. It should either cause you to become a greater person where you yourself, challenge yourself, and you want to achieve more and more and more in your life. So it encourages you to become a better individual. Or it should cause you to completely wipe out and ignore that particular thing or person that's causing you to feel jealous, ignore it completely. Let me give you an example. Let's go back to MJ MJ, you know, one said,

00:35:40--> 00:35:51

when he got into the NBA for the first time, it would be 1987 some of you probably mostly probably not even born at that time, right? Anybody here born after 1987?

00:35:52--> 00:36:34

Wow, my show I love and I feel older and older every single day. You know, one of the most craziest thing is that when I was in Medina, just before I finished, I met some students that were born in the 1992 and 93, and 96. And I'm thinking to myself, I was like grade 11. And this person now is at the same school they're born, and now they're on the same school, or at least coming towards because jamya didn't. Another University also had like a public school or center for little children there as well. So the point is like, I'm in university, and I'm seeing these kids are also here as well in the same school with me anyhow. So mg comes in the NBA. He sees Magic Johnson and Larry Bird.

00:36:35--> 00:36:37

Mj himself admits

00:36:38--> 00:37:20

that that used to get to him, that these players, they were the elite, they were the best. And he wasn't. When mg was a rookie, nobody knew him. Nobody didn't pay attention to him. Really. He didn't become famous until a few years after. But in that period, what did he do? He had a little bit of that jealousy in his heart that he wanted to achieve the greatness of those other players. So what did he do? He used it to his own advantage, he challenged himself he became a better individual until he became better than all of them. So use this opportunity for yourself as well. If you see somebody that has something better than you use it to your advantage. And whatever you do, don't

00:37:20--> 00:37:26

hate it because jealousy drives a person insane. The Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam one said,

00:37:28--> 00:38:14

the jealousy will shave off our deeds, the omo PM, shave off our deeds yomo PM, every ounce of jealousy that we have, on yo PM, it is brought in front of us. And for every jealousy will remove a portion of our deeds and it will continue to do this. So be aware of jealousy. Number seven. Now, here we mentioned very, very briefly, repentance before committing the sin is not true repentance, repenting before committing the sin is not true repentance. In other words, when the brothers them, they said let's call him embarrassed. He Coleman saw the hint after when we finished doing this, when we finished committing this crime, we're going to come back in front of our father and we're

00:38:14--> 00:38:55

going to be good children, we're going to be good people. This here will law he is a is a is a huge problem in our society. Because a lot of the youngsters you know what they end up doing, they end up falling into all of the sins, they might smoke, they might drink, they may have a boyfriend or girlfriend, they might do things. And then they say to themselves, that later on in sha Allah, you know, I'm going to cheat, I'm gonna go make Hajin Sharla. So all of a sudden be wiped out away from me. This is not true repentance. As a matter of fact, majority of rlms say a repentance like this is not even accepted. Why? Because the very first fundamental condition, when you want to ask Allah to

00:38:55--> 00:39:31

forgive you, if you have to have an intention, never to perform that sin in the first place. You actually have to feel regret forever doing it in the first place. So it's nothing to do with your intention anymore. You can intentionally say I'm going to do something wrong because I know I can always repent. So you can't sneak out of the house. You can disobey your parents. You can't walk behind their back and do things. You can't have a relationship one day with somebody and then boom, just appear two years later in front of mom and dad and say, Look, I want to marry them and I don't care what you have to say about you can't do that.

00:39:32--> 00:39:45

You're destroying your own character, you're destroying the home that you came from. So true repentance cannot start with the intention of doing a sin and then repenting after because you always know you have that option.

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Number eight. This is important. giving an excuse to someone whom you don't trust may backfire against you. giving an excuse to someone whom you don't trust.

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backfire against you. Where did we get this lesson from? Remember when the brothers and use of police from all of them they came to the Father and they said of Sidhu, Marana of la de yada yada yada. They said, Bring give us usif. And tomorrow we're gonna go out to the field and we're gonna play and we're gonna have fun. You know, we're going to teach him and we're going to take care of him. Listen to what the Father says. Paula in nee Leah Zuni and tell her boulby what a half an akula was the one to Meinhof, you don't like sapan Allah, you see what happened here.

00:40:36--> 00:40:44

The father, he responds, and he says it's going to pay, it's going to be painful in my heart If I send my son with all of you.

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And then I'm afraid that a wolf is going to eat him. Now, let's be honest, in Palestine during that time, there's no wolves running around eating people. Okay, there's no wolves running around eating people. So why did the father say that? The father here according to some earlier man, when he said this, he's basically trying to get away from the real issue. It's sort of like a fib, which is I don't want to send my son with you. And he's trying to change the subject immediately. Because, you know, a wolf or something might eat him. Like he's just trying to get out of that issue immediately. But the problem what happened is when the father said that, what did the sons do? They took us if

00:41:26--> 00:42:12

they threw him into the well, they came back to him. And they use the same excuse that the father said, they used it back at the father itself. And they say, they said to him, oh, Father, we were playing, and a wolf came and devoured him. So sometimes these excuses they backfire against you. So what do you what should you do, you should always be a person who has good company, be amongst people that have good friends, be amongst people that are always going to influence you to be good. Children, again, I'm speaking to you, your friends that you have are the people that are going to define who you are, whether you like it or not, a brother will only cause his Frodo to grow bigger

00:42:12--> 00:42:59

and bigger. And he thinks that it's cool, because I'm sure I can guarantee you in sha Allah 100% he has friends that are doing this. He's surrounded with company that's doing this. So his left here or his beard is the complete opposite. It's growing up here rather than down here. So he has that influence around them. But the other brother or the other sister has the complete opposite. He or she became devoted to the deen coming to the masjid. Why? Because that's the kind of friends that they chose to be with. You guys all know the the Hadith the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam once said that a person is upon the deen of their hudy it's upon the deen of their friend. Look at the

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word listen to the words. The prophets I send them says this person is going to be upon the Dean of their friend. Doesn't Dean mean religion? So if you have a Christian friend, you're suddenly going to be a Christian. No, linguistically, I do the dean. This word Dean linguistically, it means a path or a habit. So basically, whatever habits your friends have, you're going to have it too.

00:43:29--> 00:44:16

You know, one of the most heartbreaking things as a dairy that I, I see, but it's not something I can talk about, is in my classrooms, or in other you know, wherever I am in the world. And if I'm just giving Dawa a brother or a sister will come up to me, and you know, Mashallah, she's had she has proper hijab on in some cases, she might even have niqab on very modest and very proper, or the brother may come to me, nice job, nice beard, everything very proper. And there are, they don't know this. But I take a lot of I put some effort into this where people on my Facebook, I know who all of them are. And I monitor people who's on my Facebook though, I don't want to scare anybody who's on

00:44:16--> 00:44:31

my Facebook. Okay, oh my god, I'm gonna block him. Now. I don't want to be on his Facebook anymore. But I'm very well aware of the people that are on my page. And Alhamdulillah I have more than 10,000 of them on my Facebook right now. And I kind of every time somebody gets on,

00:44:32--> 00:44:59

I like to understand and get to know who's there. Sometimes you know what I find? Sometimes I'll find a person that I met in Australia, or I met in you know, Europe somewhere. And it would be the same person who came up modest, you know, quiet nice in front of me, very devoted. But on their Facebook, they were a completely different person. They would have pictures of themselves.

00:45:00--> 00:45:46

Could not even look at it twice, they would have descriptions about themselves. I mean, I remember one picture I saw of a brother, a practicing Muslim brother with a big bottle of tequila in his hand. And he's holding it. And this is his profile page, like, you know, this is his page. And you know, there's the, there's the profile, where you can say what your beliefs are. He's like, Muslim and proud of it. You should say, Muslim, but I'm ashamed of myself. And it's what it should say. And then, you know, have all of these absurd things about themselves. Like this is what they found pride in, this is what they found enjoyment in. And this is why I was saying, for a lot of our youth

00:45:46--> 00:46:28

today, Islam just became a label for them. And they would walk the streets, and a lot of them would would look at somebody who's doing these things and say, I would have done the same thing. If you know, if I wasn't Muslim, I would probably have an earring if I wasn't Muslim, or Yeah, you know, my friend, when we were playing ball, I saw this wicked tattoo, I would love to have the same tattoo. But you know, it's how long? You know, you always like giving yourself that guilt trip like, yeah, you know, unfortunately, I'm Muslim, so I can't do it. First point, guys. Islam never came to be depressing and boring. Islam never came to destroy fun in your life. It is halaal. As a matter of

00:46:28--> 00:47:21

fact, it is wajib for us to have fun in our lives. It is why Jim, a person can actually be sinful in the sight of Allah for not having fun. Let me give you an example. If a person chooses to just devote their time to only only study to only only worship to only all of these things, they would drive themselves mentally insane. They will become mentally insane. Why? Because this is the way that Allah created us, the prophets and the messengers, they themselves would have social time. The Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam used to race with his wives. Once there was a time when the prophesy Salaam and it would be a low one, they started wrestling with each other. And the process

00:47:21--> 00:48:01

of him kept pinning him down. And it was boasting, it was saying, nobody can pin me down. I'm too strong. None of you guys can get me to the ground. The process I sent them says, Oh, yeah, have you ever had a goal with me, and they challenged each other, and three times in a row, the privacy seven pins into the ground, he does the same thing with our amadablam Hot Tub as well, he does the same thing with all of the other companions. He had a social site. To him, it is personality, we need that to be healthy. We need that to live a healthy life. What Islam does do when it comes to having fun, it sets boundaries and rules. Because if you allow yourself to do things fun all the time, you

00:48:01--> 00:48:02

know what you're going to do to yourself,

00:48:03--> 00:48:43

you're going to destroy that human personality about you're going to destroy it, you're going to become a person that has no seriousness or focus in or vision in your life anymore, you're going to be a complete. And I mean, I just use this word because of our youth here today. You're just gonna be a complete loser. You know, that big l like this? You know what they do that or no, it's like this way, right? You know what everybody does? Yeah, you're gonna be a big l like this, if you don't have at least some of that social time with you. You're going to be a confused individual, everything in the dunya. If you're always, always, always always in worship and Salah, and this,

00:48:43--> 00:49:21

everything in the dunya is going to be hard on for you. Everything is going to be a problem. And you know what that's going to cause for you as well is that you're going to start to look down at the people who are weaker than you. You don't want to do that. You always want to be humble is the practice of the orlimar. There was it was said that Shepherd they mean Rahim Allah, it was he was known to also at times, if he saw some of the youngsters playing soccer, guess what shower with a mean would do, take off his slippers, tie up his job, and get out onto that field and start playing soccer with everyone. That's what shirt with a menial rahimullah used to do. This is actually the

00:49:21--> 00:49:26

methodology of the ultimate to also do this as well. So keep that in mind.

00:49:27--> 00:49:28

Number nine.

00:49:30--> 00:49:32

Number nine is very, very interesting.

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The believers, the believers, fear rasa is true. What is fear, rasa? Fear rasa tune ism,

00:49:43--> 00:49:58

intuition or that gut instinct. Parents you have this some children, you may have this as well. But the way to achieve this is, the higher your Eman is the more intuition you're going to have with this with this concept. What's fiercer

00:50:00--> 00:50:34

terasa is when you have that gut feeling inside of you that something is not right. Something doesn't feel right. So for example, you can apply this like in a court of law or something like, I think this guy is bad. So I'm going to just throw him in jail that you can't do that. But what you can do is like, if you have some to have some company, or you know, some guy walks up to you and starts talking to you, and starts asking you all these personal questions about yourself, and you don't have a good feeling about him, because you're thinking to yourself, why is it I don't even know this guy? Why is he asking me all these questions, or I even know this sister why she like

00:50:34--> 00:51:20

always following me or stalking me or doing this and that your fear officer is going to tell you that gut feeling that this is not good for you. It's not going to feel comfortable. The Prophet sallallahu alayhi wasallam said, the fear of a believer is the Hulk. It's the truth. Now mothers and fathers you have this more than anyone else. If you feel that some decision that you make is not right for your child. It is your responsibility to act upon that feeling. act upon that tuition, that intuition, act upon that gut instinct that you have inside of you, with your children. And remember brothers and sisters, this is something this is a narrative and a gift from Allah azza wa

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jal, this is the concept of Furiosa. In surah, Yusuf we also learn about how evil no matter how evil the crime, you should always advise the criminal to fear Allah azza wa jal, this here happened, you know, when the brothers they finished doing what they had to do, they threw Yousef into the well, you know how they took that shirt. And they did did with some animals blood and they came back and they ripped it apart and showed the father or the father say,

00:51:52--> 00:52:00

Parliament so wallet lucam and for sukham and murah. For sovereign Jimmy, the father automatically

00:52:01--> 00:52:46

pointed at them and said, inside of you, you guys have you guys are up to something. You see what he's done. He's already blamed him or accused them for a crime. He doesn't know what happened. But his fear rasa, that gut instinct caused him that he already responded and said something about this. This doesn't sound right. Why did the father say that? He remembers the dream. He knows what the dream that use have had. So he knows that use is alive. He's somewhere. But he's not dead. No wolf Am I just made that up anyways, so he says, Ben, so wallet locum and full sukham ambra, something inside of us caused you to do this, what am I going to do? For suborn Jamil, I'm going to have

00:52:46--> 00:53:14

beautiful patience. Patience is of three types. Number one is the patience in times of calamity. In times of hardship, whenever hardship comes to you, this is the time for patience. Number two, patience patients when committing sins, this is extremely important. A person who was always doing the same thing over and over one of the one person that came to visit me in my office, he came to me with this problem.

00:53:15--> 00:53:18

I can't stop doing the same sin over and over.

00:53:19--> 00:54:08

I can't stop doing the same, I can't stop falling into the same problem for a lot of the youth, you know what the what what this category is predominantly with them and what they're facing with. But it's shoved under the table. Nobody wants to talk about them. Nobody wants to talk about this issue, you're going to find like one or two YouTube videos here and there about this issue. And that is the adult industry pornography, you will be surprised mothers and fathers. How much how much. This is a problem in our own Muslim community. Take it from me as a dairy and as a counselor, as a person whose job is to be in this issue. And to deal with this. I can tell you subpanel law, I can't even I

00:54:08--> 00:54:48

can't even count the amount of people that walk into my office that have this problem of this type of addiction. This is the fitna that we're dealing with. This is the issue that we have, but nobody wants to talk about it. Nobody wants to get up in front of an audience or in front of a community and really just discuss this issue in a constructive mature manner and call and decide to deal with a cure those problems. And Alhamdulillah we have a lot of those options with us now where we can we can fix those issues. You can put those parental control in your homes, you can monitor what your children are doing. Don't be careless with what your children are doing. If you're going to buy your

00:54:48--> 00:54:59

child a Mac or a laptop or something. Don't just give them the freedom to do what be aware of what your children are doing. Be aware of what they're up to. What are they looking at what websites are they

00:55:00--> 00:55:05

On, this is why I say to you, fathers, mothers, if you don't have a Facebook,

00:55:06--> 00:55:23

go home tonight and open one, go home tonight and open and if you find your child poke him, you're gonna understand what I mean when I say that, right? Don't go literally and poke your child. But you'll understand what I mean when I say poke your child, right? There's an option on Facebook that you can poke them get their attention,

00:55:25--> 00:56:12

and see for yourself, where your children are up to. That's the language of our youth today, the language of our youth today are those social networks. You speak to them through Twitter, you speak to them through Facebook, you speak to them through all of these other social networks, that's their language today. So use it and use it to your advantage. And then the third type of patience is persevere in worship. In other words, you never give up in your worship. This here in sha Allah, I will discuss this more on Sunday. The last point that I want to leave you with this evening is sub Boone, Jamil yaku, barley, his Salaam says, I'm going to have beautiful patience. What does that

00:56:12--> 00:56:24

mean? What does it mean when you're going to have beautiful patience? the roadmap they said the patience of Yahoo is the highest level of patience. In other words, this is the pinnacle, this is when you've reached the top. This is the person

00:56:25--> 00:57:06

that anything that happens to them, they immediately rely upon Allah, they don't care what anybody has to say. They don't want no comfort from no one. It's just between them and a lot. This is the highest level of patience. We ask Allah azza wa jal to give us support and Jamil and at least we can attain the highest level of our patience. So I want to conclude in sha Allah or at least pause for today at this point, we've only done like 10 of them. Like I said, I have 60 but I won't be able to go through all of them. But I hope in sha Allah, this is caused, at least for some of us to kind of think I'd start to become a bit proactive in our lives.

00:57:07--> 00:57:10

Brothers and sisters, mothers and fathers children

00:57:11--> 00:57:15

insha Allah on Sunday, we're going to talk about

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building a good home, and what you should do as parents, with your children and children with your parents, and we're gonna talk about the free mixing issue. This is a problem for our youth. In our problem for our youth, when they're always mixed with different cultures and different genders and things like that, sometimes they become very confused or they get caught up in those issues. I get asked this question all the time. Is it permissible to go to university or college here? Is it permissible for me because there's all this free mixing like I get these are like confusing issues that are reuse them they have so how to deal with all of those particular things. And I'm on shuttle

00:57:51--> 00:57:59

also going to share with you practical steps and ways of how to nurture your family. Remember brothers and sisters,

00:58:00--> 00:58:41

you know what you guys see here a lot. You know that whenever you release your children or release the family, as soon as you let them go, they're like screaming and running. And you know, even to myself, well if I'm walking around I have to tell them to calm down and relax. One of the ways that we want to ensure a lot tackle this issue is how you can begin to fix those problems and nurture your children so that they become good children with good Uh, hello wherever they go, especially in the house of Allah azza wa jal May Allah subhanho wa Taala protect our mothers and our fathers. May Allah subhanho wa Taala protect our sons and our daughters. May Allah subhanho wa Taala protect all

00:58:41--> 00:58:52

of us as a community from the fitna of this dunya and in sha Allah reward us for our efforts in this dunya waffle, Pharaoh. So these are the words that we conclude with insha Allah

00:58:54--> 00:58:56

What time is the other than anybody?

00:58:58--> 00:59:30

Nine o'clock 915 Okay, so 905 so in sha Allah for like the next 10 or 15 minutes, I can take some of your questions inshallah about tonight's discussion as well. If the use of if there's some way you guys can arrange for the sisters to if they want to send any kind of questions inshallah. Yeah, if they can write it down. So for the sisters, you can write it down and have them sent up while through Darwin annual hamdu Lillahi Rabbil aalameen. So anybody who has