I’m Hurting

I'll rely on a sheet on Jim's ruler and Rahim Al hamdu Lillahi Rabbil Alameen wa Salatu was Salam ala COVID Mursaleen Sade Nam Hammond one early he was a huge Marian, our beloved brothers and sisters a Salaam Alaikum Warahmatullahi Wabarakatuh, the hamdulillah below me always and forever. In every situation, we pray something last panel data. And we said I love repeating citations you will have written to me Muhammad Sallallahu wasallam to spice up your family, his companions and all those who follow you soon until the end of time, where scholars pantalla to bless us and to be easy upon us to grant Shiva to those who are ill, or mercy on those who have passed away. I mean, when

hamdulillah Al Hamdulillah, it is Friday the 17th of September 20 2100, I'm still recovering from a bit of a throat infection. And as Pamela, last week, we released an old lecture on suicide in recognition of well prevention of suicide today. And the feedback that was given many people in the respondent, spotlight is so surprising we could so concerning that there's so many people that are going through hardship that are struggling with you know, mental and emotional difficulties, difficulties in their life, going through hardships, you know, really struggling and people that you don't expect people that you see from the outside are smiling and happy. And if you imagine

everything is going well. But underneath the surface, there's a lot of pain. And and so today inshallah we're going to talk about pain and how we manage that, and the trauma that is that is going on internally. So today we're talking about

how do we manage the burden, when bad things happen, you know, hardships are inevitable in this life. And it is a promise, in fact, from Allah Allah guarantees this world will be a world a life of a hardship, because the purpose of life in this dunya is a test and a place of trials, so that we can reach the ultimate destination of Jannah. And even the best of people, the base of creation was pious of people, they went through extreme difficulties in this in this dunya. And so who of us can say that we are free of any kind of difficulty or trauma and in fact, in the last couple of months and years through this pandemic, so many of us have experienced death, immediate circles, loved ones

that have passed away, we have all many of us have been struggling with health, some of us are recovering from, from COVID people are going through financial difficulties, and we are battling with hardship and grief. And so Subhanallah it is it has become very real for many, many people to go through difficulties. And so even though it is normal, when these beds, the feelings of sadness and emptiness and loneliness, when these negative thoughts overpower us, and they prevent us from living a productive life, they prevent us from, from from doing our responsibilities to Allah subhanho wa Taala or to having meaningful relationships, then this negative feeling becomes more

than just a normal part of life. But it actually becomes a disease, a sickness, and something which needs to be treated. And today we'll talk a little bit about mental and emotional illness. And what is the view from an Islamic perspective? How we we manage it, and how do we come through it? But before we talk about mental illness, we just remind ourselves, why is it that Allah subhanaw taala a merciful Allah, a kind Allah and Allah who loves us more than our own parents? Why would Allah subhanaw taala take our loved ones Why would inflict upon us a very difficult disease or take away our livelihood? Why do bad things happen? When Allah has the power to take it away? Allah subhanaw

taala reminds us that part of life is to test State forces our iman and Allah says, And of mankind are those who worship Allah or the Huffin. They worship him as on the edge. The Eman is, is conditional. They only worship Allah when things go well when things are good in their life. And Allah Subhana Allah says, if good befalls him, he is contented he's happy with Allah. But if difficulty befalls him, he turns back on his face he turns away from Allah. So Allah subhanaw taala wishes us and wants us to prove the sincerity of our iman to him in terms of no matter what Allah subhanaw taala sins upon us whether its blessing, whether it is adversity, our relationship with

Allah does not change. Our commitment to him does not change our iman and other Wakil in him, does not change that whatever happens in our life, Allah subhanaw taala is the constant and that is what Allah Subhana Allah wishes for us. And remember this is all to prepare ourselves for an eternity of happiness and eternity of peace and eternity of joy. And Jana in the afternoon. I mean, it is also when bad things before us it is a reminder that perhaps, we are not on the path we are meant to be. And so Allah subhanaw taala says, Whatever of misfortune befalls you, it is because of what your hands of earnest because of a sin that you are doing. And then Allah says and He pardons much

meaning that when we do sin, most of the times most of the sins that we do Allah forgives. Allah doesn't take you

retribution on us. But sometimes Allah subhanaw taala does send a calamity away, so that we may wake up and remind us that there is something wrong that we're doing and we need to rectify that we are harming the rights of somebody else, that we are not doing our duties as we should, to Allah our data. And so it's a means by which Allah reminds us that things need to change. It is also a means to remove sin that many of us before we reach Allah subhanaw taala. And this is part of His mercy, you'll find people before they pass away, they go through a period of sickness, they go through some trauma. Why? Because Allah subhanaw taala wants us to meet him when we are pure and clean of sin,

because on the death Kiama that is when things are very difficult. And so Allah He moves sins in this dunya out of His mercy and His love for us. And we know that there'll be some said that trials will continue difficulties will continue to befall the believing men and believing woman in Himself in His children in his wealth, and those who meet Allah subhanaw taala sinless, and that is the ultimate success that does it doesn't matter what happens in the dunya. But if we can stand before Allah without any sin, and go to China directly without ever having hardships on the day of chiamo, going to Jana Mala critic, and that is a successful person, and Allah subhanaw taala, once each and

every one of us to get to him without any sin, and so he will sin upon us, those connections in his dunya. So that we meet without some, perhaps one of the most common or the most important reason, and this is really, why Allah Subhanallah sins calamities and hardships, it is for us to become closer to Allah Subhana Allah and Allah subhana, Allah says, and visually, we will make them taste of the difficulties, the small difficulties prior to the big difficulties in Kiama, in order that they may return back to Allah subhanaw taala. And so when many people ask, is this calamity Ebola, that Allah is really punishing me to the punishment? Or is this a means that I come back to Allah is

the means of purification? What is this a hardship that I'm being put in? And the answer is how you thought about the past. Rather, it's about how you how you respond to it in the present, that even the sinner, even the person who is being punished for his sins, and he has this built up placed upon him. And it's a means that he comes back to Allah subhanaw taala. And that wasn't Ebola, it was rather a was either a mercy from Allah subhanaw taala. And it could be that someone who is very pious, and Allah gifts, that pious person, with many, many blessings, and blessings, take him away from Allah, and those blessings are actually not a blessing, but it's maybe seen as a calamity that

took you away from Allah. And so the real reason that Allah subhanaw taala wants us once from us to take from hardship is to turn back to him and to have a deeper, more meaningful relationship to know that Allah is the one that brings blessings and he takes blessings and he gives her life and health and he takes it away, and he does so with mercy. And that when we turn to him, it is better for us. And he will it will be a means that we are we attain success in the dunya and akhira. And success isn't just meaning that we are happy and things are going well, success is having a profound relationship with Allah subhanaw taala and it's in the nature of man and we know this, we all know

this, that we when do we turn to Allah, when things are difficult in our lives, when we bring a lot going so well, that is when we are closer to Allah subhanaw taala. And so the ultimate objective of hardship is for us to come back to him and to have a deeper relationship with him. And a point I'd like to make here when people go through difficulty or Hamdulillah. And people have this either this Eman you know, ingrained in them when they lose a loved one when they have some major calamity. And you speak to them and they say, you know, I'm contented with Allah's decree or you know, enough records to say, because the Frieda May Allah squadra, that whatever Allah has decreed, for me, I'm

contented. What this means is, some people imagine what this means is, I shouldn't feel sad if I feel sad, that my loved one passed away if I feel sad that my marriage is falling apart or that I lost my job, that I'm not being contented with Allah, feeling sad is normal. And in fact, it's perhaps something you should do, you should feel sad, and you should feel negative in your heart because of what is going through your your life. Are you sad, contented it means this has not changed my relationship with Allah, I am still you know, deeply committed to Allah I am, I still believe in him, I still love him and I still depend on him. But if this is what Allah subhanaw taala

has placed in my path, then I accept Allah subhanaw taala as decision, but inside I still feel I still feel hurt. And you can still express your your sadness in in a manner which is which is permissible. And you can even go to the extent where you try to remove this this. So if Allah subhanaw taala has decreed May Allah protect that you are you know, you've been diagnosed with some kind of cancer. It's a huge shock. Your life has changed profoundly. Yes, you say Alhamdulillah Allah, we've placed this on me. I am contented with your your decision in this regard. I accept it. But it doesn't mean that we sit down and we say well, I will

go for treatment, no part of accepting that decision is you do everything in your power, to come away from that hardship, and to cure the disease and to remove your sadness. And so if you've lost a loved one, for example, speaking about it and trying to remove the trauma, it does not mean that you deny the, the decree of Allah, it is part of the process. But we do not say anything which displease Allah, we don't, we don't lash out at Allah subhanaw taala. And it does not mean that we, we move away from him, that is what contented means. When you say I'm pleased with Allah subhanaw taala. We move on Inshallah, to talk a little bit about mental and emotional well being. And from an Islamic

perspective, a person, a human is made up of different dimensions or components, there is the physical component, the body, there is the actual, the mind the intellectual dimension, that is the facade or the olive, which is the heart and from an Islamic perspective, refers to the emotional center, we know that the heart, you know, biologically speaking, or purely, scientifically speaking, doesn't quite have any emotions, or the heart is a pump, that if you transplant one heart to another heart, it doesn't change who you are from a personality perspective. But when we talk about the four ad from the Quranic concept, it is the emotional center, the place that feels sadness, and

happiness. And so as a person, you have a center for your emotions that might be in the brain, but you have this part of you, that is an emotional dimension. And then of course, we have the rule, which is the spiritual dimension. And for you as a person, all these four areas must be healthy, for you to be unhealthy person. And any one of these areas can become sick, your body can become sick, you can have a physical disease, your arm can break. And if you're if the body is hurting, the type person hurts, and you might have an intellectual of deficiency in your mind, you might have a doubts, you might have confusions, that is a deficiency in the article, you have an emotional

sickness way, emotionally, you are battling with some kind of disease or spiritually, you're battling with a disease. And if any one of these areas are sick, very these the person is sick. And it's a mean it's a it's a reason for the person to look for a cure. We know that the province of some says that, for every disease, Allah subhanaw taala sent a kill, it didn't only talk about the Muslim is not only talking about physical diseases, it is also about spiritual diseases. It's also about emotional and mental diseases, depressions and anxieties, part these are diseases where there is a cure, and something which somewhere which you need to strive to look for a remedy to these

illnesses that is part of the Sunnah of Allah, it is how Allah created this world, as he put out diseases, he put out the cure for those diseases, when we look at some of the more common emotional or mental illnesses, and there are so many of them, but of the most common ones is, of course, which many people and you know, the statistics are quite scary, that almost half of people are struggling with some kind of was at some point in their life, that are struggling with some kind of mental or emotional disorder, you have an anxiety disorder, we than the normal difficulties of life, the normal stresses of life, I mean, Life is stressful, you have jobs to stress and kids stress,

financial stress and pressures. When these normal life pressures overtake you, and it prevents you from living a productive and normal functioning life, it becomes a disease. And then of course, there are disorders, mood disorders, where you feel, you know, extremely happy or extremely depressed, you're unable to function because of your outlook in life and how you feel bipolar disorder, many people are going through depression, many people are going through these kinds of hardships, they are overcome overwhelmed with a negative feelings. And they can't live a productive life post traumatic disorder, where you've stress disorder where you've been through a major

incident in your life, a traumatic incident, you know, an accident or some kind of abuse, and it prevents you from moving forward, you're always going back to that negative moment in your life, you know, someone said something or did something to you. And you can never move beyond that. When these kinds of occurrences prevent you from living a normal life. It prevents you from being happy, it prevents you from having meaningful relationships, it prevents you from even, you know, you know, having a job or worshipping Allah subhanaw taala. This is not normal. And it's a disease, like having a heart disease or cancer that needs to be treated, and it needs to be remedied. Now, all of

us go through some kind of anxiety or depression. And it's fun, like every Monday perhaps, is some some form of depression when you have to wake up for work at eight o'clock. It's normal, it's part of life. But now when is it normal? And when is it

abnormal? And if we look at, for example, some of the symptoms of anxiety, we just take anxiety, for example. If you're frequently worrying, you're frequently in a state of panic, and you're constantly obsessing about things out of your control. You are already trying to solve future problems.

and thinking about, you know, what about, you know, your kids in primary school, but you think you really about when they go to university, you think about when they get married, you think about, you know, issues that are not yet have not even occurred, but they're already bothering you and plaguing your mind or keeping you up at night, when the stresses and we know what's kind of in inverted commas No, everyone life is different, but they are normal stresses, things that no one can get away from the normal pressures of life, when those normal pressures of life overwhelm you, and you're unable to function, when that is not normal. And, you know, feeling that you need to that if you

can't control every aspect of your life, you know, you feel like you need to to survive, you need to control every aspect. That is not that isn't normal, having social anxiety when you need to meet a new person, when you get a phone call. And you know, you don't know who it is. And you know, it causes you physical discomfort, you know, you're unable to sleep at night, because you're constantly playing about things that's going to happen tomorrow or in the future things that it hasn't even occurred, and they are keeping you up at night. And this is a continuous thing. This is not something that happens, you know, once in a while, but this is your permanent mental state, then you

have an anxiety disorder. And there is no shame in having that anxiety disorder, says it's no shame in someone saying, Look, I have diabetes, I have cancer, you the only shame is if you don't go out and treat the disorder, and you don't go out and look for a remedy. And another disease, which is so common, and most of us going through this and so many people on a weekly basis, I get these calls, and people are feeling deeply depressed, in terms of where their life is. And they would say to you, this is not how I imagined my life to end up. At this age. I didn't think this was going to happen to me, I'm a good person, or why am I going through this? Depression Subhanallah is a pandemic, a

pandemic all on its own? And I mean, if you look at the symptoms of depression, how do I know whether I'm just feeling down and feeling gloomy because of like, we all go through a normal downer in our moods, versus it's a real disorder. If you feel constantly sad, or negative, you're constantly feeling pessimistic about life, that there's very little in your life, that gives you enjoyment. If you sit down now and you think, what am I looking forward to? What makes me happy? What do I get excited about? What brings me peace and comfort? And if the answer is I can't, I can't think of the thing I look forward to, I don't have anything in life that I enjoy. There's nothing

that brings me peace of mind, then that's a problem. No human can live like that. If you constantly have a feeling of past trauma, guilt, you replay all these negative episodes in your life. This one did that this one said this, and you think about it constantly. And think about the positive opportunities of the future. You feel worthless, you feel alienated you feel no one loves you, you feel unwanted, constantly. This is not normal. This is not how a functioning human the outlook that you should have,

you know, a clear telltale sign of any kind of mental disorder, emotional disorder is not being able to sleep having a trouble sleeping either not being you in bed, but you up, you know, your mind is constantly working, it's not shutting down, or, or you are unable to get out of bed in the morning because you know, life does feel so overpowering. Overwhelming. You have a chronic pain that has no physical reason you're constantly sick. But this isn't there's no physical reason. Eating disorders is part of mental illness. And so the psychologist say that if you we've listed a number of symptoms now, but if you have four of these symptoms, and they sort of present with you on a continuous

basis, you know, you can't eat, you can't sleep, you have negative feelings, you are anxious about the future. You have social anxiety. If you have four of these symptoms, and they're present with you continuously, then this is a sign that you have a mental disorder. And again, there's no shame in that today. That's one of the biggest sadness and especially the Muslim community. We have looked down as mental disorder, emotional illness, as a spiritual deficiency and that is completely haram. That is completely wrong. In fact, that just as the body can get sick, the mind can get sick, the the roof can get sick. It is sad that we've taken an illness and made it something a lack of Eman

and when we we've done a number of lectures where the Gambia of Allah subhanaw taala. Last week we even mentioned that Nabil Salam going through a mental ordeal where he contemplated suicide Subhanallah and that's gonna be so solid. And we if you look at the Quran, the kind of hardship and trauma and sadness that the MBR went through, it didn't mean that when they were paying those tests that they were happy, they broke down, they cried. They were in a type of depression, but it did not prevent them from doing the functions and it of course did not alter the relationship

But Allah, so there was nothing wrong spiritually, but the pain was real. And so the first I think step in in terms of talking about the remedies and cures, is to recognize that having an emotional sickness, there's no shame in that, just as much as there's no shame in having a heart disease or having a diabetes, it's part of who you are. And it is the disease that Allah, Allah has given you as a test. And so why why do I have it? You might also why do I have this disease? Well, most mental illness, unfortunately, it's not as well understood as physical illness. But what we do know is you might have a family history of mental illness. Now you look at the people in your family. And if you

see that, look, parents or siblings or other members of the family struggled with it with a type of mental disorder. And you also have it in these days you answer that it is, it is a family. Well, you know, you know, some people have heart problems, and they have diabetes problems, it might be that mental illness is your family's, your family's tastes from a loss, while your personality might just be geared into be open, you know, to have a mental illness, low self esteem, paranoia, these this, we have in our mental makeup, that what we call the negative bias. And what that means is, is that psychologist or benching, that we give a lot more emphasis to negative comments or negative thoughts

or negative news than positive things in spite of, of how we survived as a species, that, you know, people will live a happy go lucky life, and they you know, live, you know, the everything is, you know, hunky dory, those kinds of people don't really survive, they're not going to survive the, the lion method eats them, because they're not cautious. Whereas the people that are very cautious, they are the ones that survive, because they're always thinking about the negative things. Now. And to give you an example, if I told you, you know, 10 of your friends sent you a message, nine of that was positive messages, they you know, they gave you good news, but this one that gave you bad news,

and I asked you, which one are you thinking about? Or is it normal for you to think about and obsess about the one that gave you bad news, because we are geared to negativity, our minds are set up that we give a lot more focus on negative aspects. And so some people, their minds are so biased towards the negative, that they can't think of anything positive, all they think about is the negative and the good things in their life, the fact that they're healthy, the fact that they have financial security, that they have kids in relationships that love them, those things can't get through the negative cloud that is overpowering them. And it's just how the mind is set up. It might be that

there's a traumatic event in your life that you can't get through. You know, you might be in an environment that breeds you negative, you might have bad relationships, there might be people in your life that bring you down, in particular, a job that puts you at the stress. And obviously, if it's an environmental stressor, the answer is to remove yourself from that. And of course, it could just be, as we say, an illness that has brought you to this. So how do we remedy this, and as I said, this is a disease of narcissism tells you that every disease has a cure. And if a cure is applied to the disease, whenever something is if you take the cure for the disease, it is a relief.

It will take away your disease, that if you search for the cure, and you find the cure, it will kill you. And so, from a dunya perspective, if you go through depression and anxiety, you know, you need like you go to a doctor for anything else you need to go seek a professional to assist you. And part of the part of the journey. I mean, if we talk about self medication, the most important part is to fight those negative thoughts when you're alone. And your anxiety and your depression overwhelms you, your sadness overwhelmed your grief that you've lost, someone overwhelms you. It is to try your best to think of positive thoughts. Think about that person is in Jannah. Think about the good

things in your life. Think about how whatever, if you're thinking about future problems, think about how Allah subhanaw taala is watching and caring and protecting us try your best to have healthy sleeping habits. One of the things that you know, people that have mental disorder, they feel it paralyzes they, and when they become paralyzed, unable to function, then the lack of productivity makes them feel even more useless, you know, they feel worthless. And so part of feeling positive about yourself is to achieve something, sign up for a class, take up gardening, take up something in your life, that is low stress, but you can achieve something that you can see at the end of the

week. I've progressed in this area, I'm doing well. And so small, achievable goals really help you feel productive, you know, the perhaps the best therapy and if you look at even even the provision way of doing it, is to speak to someone, the answer to negative thoughts is really to let it out and to express it. And you know, we the bad cycle of mental illness is that you want to go into an isolation you want to

If you want to isolate yourself, when really the point of the cure is to reach out to the people that love you and care about you or to go to a professional, and to speak about what you're feeling, you're entitled to feel the way you feel there's nothing wrong with feeling that way. As we said, then I've even said that the heart is sad, you can express that sadness. But to bottle it up all the time, or to live it out in an in a destructive way. That's not healthy.

Physical Activity and making sure your body is healthy, will help you have a purpose to your life. Look forward to something, have something optimistic in your life, have something that brings you joy and contentment, let that always be the end. If you've nothing like that, then it's important to to bring something optimistic in your life. In the process, I'm also talks about this when he says about comfort food, he says tobyhanna which is a kind of a porridge with sweet kind of Polish, brings comfort to the sick, and it lessens the grief but you know, there is this thing of soul food, that maybe sometimes you just need to, to have a relaxing environment, you need to you know, get

away, maybe even on a holiday these kinds of things to clear your mind to assist you in moving forward. From a spiritual aspect. Of course, everything goes back to Allah subhanaw taala. And besides, so you need to take the dunya methods or the medical ways to kill you. At the same time we turned to Allah subhanaw taala for assistance, and we turned to him forth for our cues. And so Allah Subhan Allah says in the Quran, when he speaks about Nabhi Yaqoob when he lost no use of maybe he was going through immense trauma, and he was going he was still you know, on the inside, he was broken. Last is the love of his life, his son, you know the apple of his eye. And you know, he never

ever this is what's amazing of this is in the context of it. He says to his family members that I don't burden you with I don't come and I'm open I've been an I'm a downer and I complain to you, I don't ever complain to any of you. And I don't make my problems your pro I don't take my negativity out on you as my punching bag. I'm still your dad, I still say to his sons, I'm still vie for you. I still give you guidance, I'm still gonna be but when I'm alone with my thoughts, he says in the magical Buffy wasn't it and Allah, but when I can take my sadness and my grief and my sorrow, and I complain of it to Allah, Allah may Allah marathon and I know of Allah, what you don't know that

every single time I go through this, this depression, I go to Allah and I speak to him, and I tell him how I feel. And I asked him for his assistance and his guidance. And really, this is what we need to do. That part of our remedy is to turn to Allah and to speak to him as we speak to others to speak to him. And we don't take our trauma out on others. Yes, we can speak to others, but we don't lash out and use them as a punching bag. We don't use them as a means, you know, as the saying goes hurt people hurt people. So this is what nobody will be saying. I don't bring my misery on you. Rather I take you to Allah subhanaw taala and I do my best to hold it together. Part of also, as we

said, fighting the negative thoughts. Allah says in the Quran, Li Kala, so Allah malefactor come? What are the for hope? Allah says that whatever has been decreed for you has already been decreed, so that you don't feel immense the speed about the bad things in your life, Allah subhanaw taala is in control. And so don't be overwhelmed by the stress and the negativity of life. Don't be overly negative, it is all in the hands of Allah. And so again, back to the vehicle, I feel it's Pamela to lose you not to not to lose a child that is dead that said, but to not to know where your child is a lost child. I can't imagine a more difficult grief for someone to go through that. But he never ever

gave up hope that I can I can find him. And I think this is very important. No matter how bad your depression is, how bad your anxiety is, how bad your diseases, whatever is going through your life and Allah make it easy. Everyone's going through difficult challenges. Never give up hope that I can come out of this cycle of sadness. And so Nabil COVID says to his sons, yeah, boo, boo Fatah has also made use of what he or my sons continue looking for us. Now this was like 30 years often we used to go continue don't give up the search for him and his brother, or whatever they are so mineral law, and don't ever despair and give up hope in Allah's relief. Don't give up hope that

Allah will alleviate your problem. Allah will fix your marriage. Allah will fix your health, Allah will fix your depression. Allah will give you wealth don't ever give up hope in Allah that is what telecom media Allah, you will make tomorrow better than today. So he's saying don't ever give up hope in Allah in Nahu la la, la la velkommen caffeine, the only people that don't think positively of Allah are those people were to disagree with. They remember to deny Allah's Mercy is the biggest kind of denial because Allah subhanaw taala is our man. So in

the number of do acid we've added in the slides along with all of them, that one can recite in times of grief.

And you mercy, in times of grief and in difficulty, and one of the two hours Salama, the wife wouldn't be so much she lost her husband, then a businessman said to her, there is no Muslim who is afflicted with a calamity going through hardship. And they say in that ally you are in your own, oh Allah fatally from You, I come into you is my return. I belong to you and to use my return. And then you say to Allah, Ya Allah, reward me in this calamity or Allah give me any award for my patients in this calamity and compensate me with something better than that and whatever is been taken from me, whether it is physical, emotional, whatever, I've lost you or give me better than Allah subhanaw

taala will give you a better and he will compensate you for that. May Allah subhanaw taala make it easy for everyone going through hardships. Allah grants you out to those who are ill Allah grant relief to those who are struggling. And Allah grant Jonathan, for those who have passed away I mean, circulator was ALLAH Sydenham Han Manuel Islam was said he would have never been out. I mean, I still don't want to come on.