Gender Series #1 – The Second Wife

Episode Notes

21 August 2020

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Hello, Michigan Hello James Miller man Rahim al hamdu Lillahi Rabbil alameen wa salatu salam ala Shafi. mousseline said no Mohammed Ali, he was a big marine. My beloved brothers and sisters in Sudan said I want to work the law he will want to get to and from the law of the land I mean always and we will begin with the principal last pantai lanisha alert, Allah we will witness at Nazareth devotion besides Allah subhanaw taala we beseech him and we ask him to bless us and to have mercy upon us and we send our love and greetings to our beloved Nabil Mohammed sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, this price and your family to his companions and all those who follow his soon until the end

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of time. It was part of the blessings to be amongst them. I mean, Alhamdulillah we have reached the new Islamic year 1442 phenomenon behind them, I was praying Allah bless all of us in this coming year. And Allah spent Allah forgive us in the year that has come and as he has gone, it has been a very difficult year. And that was final dollar grant that this new year brings with it. The new dawn for the oma for every single person of this dunya las panatela. Grant this disease to leave us very soon, our formula, we see the massaging beginning to open up, and we see what hamdulillah life somewhat going back to normal. But, of course, it'll be a very long recovery. And we put our faith

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and trust in Allah Subhana Allah to assist us and to grant the success in this year to come. I mean, well, hamdulillah Alhamdulillah we are in the month of August. And as before, I think we're doing a series in the next couple of weeks around the issue of gender with specific focus on our sisters. And in particular, I know events that have occurred in the last week or so we're in Cape Town, what has really brought the issue of gender to the spotlight once again, and in particular, the issue of multiple marriages, and the dialogue in which we interact with one another, the words that we use in describing each other and panela you know, if it never occurred, and we will talk about that in

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towards the end of the lecture, social media fitna that is still ongoing. And we ask Allah Subhana Allah to grant us goodness and to come out through this. But we will focus on perhaps the easier aspect of this debate around marriages in which we have more than one wife. polygyny, we want men manage multiple wives. And as we know that this is something which is part of our shadier part of Islam. But it's, of course, not very popular. And it's not very common in Western societies in the Western world. And you know, the issue of gender. And there are specific laws in the Sharia specific laws in Islam, that we would say are not popular or or strange in the modern world, issues like

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hijab, issues, like a way in which divorces and crafts happen. And this brings tension sometimes well as living in the 21st century. And it is one of those areas which is so essential for every Muslim to understand and to learn, because you are bombarded with a certain ideology, a certain philosophy, what you see on Facebook, what you see on the television, what you see in the world around you is different to what we find in the Quran and Sunnah. And therefore, we might find within ourselves this this this disconnect, and so it is important for us to understand what Islam propagates and the wisdom behind it as Muslims we submit, but we know that there is a wisdom and the

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Hikmah this comes from Allah subhanaw taala. And whatever Allah parameter has decreed, is for our own good and is for for the benefit of all of mankind. And therefore we need to learn these things. Gender is one of the areas in which Islam is very much being attacked in modern times, is one of the reasons we find many young people even stray and they move away from religion, because they cannot understand and reconcile certain things when it comes to the laws with regards to women in particular. And so we will spend in the next couple of weeks discussing some of these very, very controversial issues that are in the Quran and the Sunnah, certain Hadith certain wording that

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people might find difficult to understand, we will discuss them and Alhamdulillah with in a very safe and very open forum, we will discuss these things and I encourage the brothers and the sisters any questions around gender, in particular, what is Islam and others? why did why did the problem say that? You know, seeing these questions forward and let us discuss it amongst ourselves so that you don't have to go in on the internet and Facebook and find maybe the incorrect information. And so, we can discuss that today, inshallah will will deal specifically with the issue of polygyny, man marrying multiple wives. What is the reason behind it? Why does Allah Allah allow this thing? Is it

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good? Is it bad? Should we encourage it you know, what is the way in which one brings about any curve like this? and easily some form of prediction for the sisters I know no woman on earth wants to she her husband ends panel this is normal. So how can she protect herself from from this insha Allah so we begin with the lamp. Allah to grantors guidance was very delicate matter, polygamy with him. It's a situation where you have one spouse marrying multiple spouses either one man with many women, or one woman with multiple men for a situation where one man is married to multiple women is called polygyny. And we woman is married to in a very unique scenario where a woman is married to

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multiple men. It's called polyandry. And so polygyny, as we said, is part of Islam, but it's not unique to Islam. In fact, historically, most cultures in the world allowed polygyny, and up until modern times itself up until about 100 years. polygyny was very common and installed in many Eastern cultures, in many religions, it is still common and it is permissible. You find even for example, in the Bible, it's narrated and a lot of this is critical, not that nobody Sulaiman had over 700 wives.

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So polygyny was something which is very common historically. In fact, it is more common to find a society's having polygyny in monogamy is sort of not historically very popular. And in the time of Jackie Leah This is before the coming of Islam in Arabia. Of course, polygyny was widespread it was it was the norm, most men had more than one life and Islam came actually to limit the number to four. So we know that Islam has kept the number that one man cannot marry more than four wives. And this was a reduction to what was allowed. In fact, many men had to decide which wives they're going to divorce because they had multiple dozens of wives sometimes in certain situations. And so this

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was a way in which a lot of Angular has legislated to limit the number put a ceiling on top of it at full so why is allowed it why'd the last pantalla not make it that one man made is one woman and that's how it is the reason behind it and I mentioned this many, many times when people also why is something harmful? Why is it haram for us as Muslims the why is because Allah Subhana Allah had decreed it. Pork is haram because Allah has made it How long? Gold is hot. I'm filming today, because Allah Subhana Allah and abyssal Salam had made it impermissible for me. If we ask what is the reason the wisdom behind it, because we believe a lot of 100 does not legislate without wisdom.

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He is an animal Hakeem is all knowing and wise, if he legislate something, there is a reason and we can discuss the wisdoms behind it. So the reason why polygyny is permissible is because Allah had made it such what is the wisdom here Allah, why have you made it permissible? Allah, Allah knows the complete wisdom. And of course, Allah Subhana Allah understands all societies, from the beginning of time until the end of time, Allah subhanaw taala knows of all situations, and the Sharia must be applicable for us here living in South Africa in 2020, as it must be applicable for the Muslims that will live 1000 years from now, as was applicable to the Muslims living in the desert 1500 years ago,

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and Allah Subhana Allah as low as the four fifths for all of mankind in all scenarios, and it comes down to us to apply those laws within our context. So some of the wisdom that we could say, one of the reasons we could try and think about what are the benefits behind having multiple wives? One point to make is that the Sharia has certain laws, which would make a situation we mean, will always be listing women, for example, issues like jihad, you know, men will be fighting jihad. And so you'd have a scenario women die, and you'd have a number of widows and Subhanallah when Allah speaks about the idea of polygyny in Surah, Nisa, it is in the context of the Battle of God, there were many

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widows and so these ladies, especially in a society, where women were not working, and they were dependent financially on men. And so therefore, not having a husband was very difficult or not being having the support and therefore, Allah Subhana Allah allowed us that is one of the wisdoms it is to care and support for those women who need that kind of support in terms of maintenance. It is also in situation like Nabi Ibrahim alayhis salam, when he made it harder, why did he marry harder, because sobre la Salam could not be him a child, and so he married, you know, hijab, and they had a smile together. And so of course, in a situation where a woman is bad, and this is something which

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is permissible, of course, you know, not such high lofty reasons, even just to protect the society from Xena Subhanallah we live in a society This is more maybe more relevant to us, we live in a highly sexualized society, we all around us, the temptations of the click of a button, you can finally go anyway to the worst of places. And Islam before allows you to say look, if you have certain urges, you have certain needs. And you know, the requirement is more than one wife, then do so fulfill this need in a halal permissible, responsible manner. And then you get married, and you have the responsibility of a husband and a wife. And so this is a form of prevention of Xena and as

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we see so these are some of the reasons and they could be many, many other reasons or Allah Allah knows the ultimate reasons the wisdom behind it belongs to a lot. And you know, one asks if there is no other reason to get married to a second wife. It's not because I want to look after her there's not a reason for for for maintenance. She's not a widow. I purely want to get married, you know, for lustful reasons. It is still permissible there is still Hello. Of course it's not a very lofty near but it is still permissible. The Sharia allows you to do so, so long as you follow the procedures and the protocols which we'll discuss in sha Allah. So the next question Where does Allah subhanaw

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taala allow this to happen? You know, give me the evidence from the Quran and the Sunnah. So from in the Quran very clearly. Surah Nisa surah number four, verse number three, Allah Subhana Allah says, and if you feel that you shall not be able to deal justly with the orphan girls then marry other women of your choosing two or three or four, many, you know two women, three women for women. But if you feel that you shall not be able to be just between multiple wives, then marry only one woman or marry a slave which with your right hand possessors, and that is better to prevent you from doing injustice, or this idea is it's a very big idea. A lot of issues come into play. So the context

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again, when did Allah reveal this IO? Why did Allah

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Mandela revealed this idea, this idea was not revealed to tell men Oh men marry 234 wives many times panela. And this is the injustice we do to the Quran, when we quote, just the part of the IRA, which is, must now was what I thought about marry two, three and four, as if though Allah Subhana, Allah made a blanket statement like that understand the context of this idea. This idea is all about justice. It's not about polygamy, actually, it's about justice. So we had a situation where a man was king for orphan girls. And so he looked after them, and he had the money, you know, the inheritance. And as they now became older, and they were about to become independent, they would, of

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course, claim the inheritance. And this man Subhanallah, he wanted to benefit from the inheritance. And so he married these goals, he got married to them, so that he could take from the inheritance and span a lot he made them his wives. And so Allah Subhana, Allah says, This is not permissible, that if you are caring for orphans, that is such a power dynamic, and this is very interesting. Yeah, Allah swanger, they say, that do not marry the orphan girls, which you are looking after, because there is such a strong potential for abuse. And there's such a strong way in which you can be unjust. So it was his don't marry these goals, your king who has orphans, many 234 of the other

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women have any other woman that you want, you know, whichever other woman you want, choose any woman whether it is two, three or four of them. But if you cannot be just with regards to multiple lives, then marry only one. So this entire idea is about justice, meaning that if we look at the scale of danger, it is very, very dangerous, almost haram to marry an orphan girl that you are keen for, then it is very dangerous to have four wives because the chance of being unjust between them is very high. And the fourth recon metaphor, there may be three, if not three, than two. And if you cannot be just between two wives, then marry only one and if you still cannot be just between one wife,

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then marry a slave woman in that regard. And so Allah says, This is better for you, it is better for you to be on the side of of justice, and to avoid being in a situation where you could become an oppressor, and then you will be liable on the day of karma. So this whole idea is about being just back. Of course, Allah has allowed in this idea that you can marry up to four wives as a maximum, if you're able to do so, the question might be so Allah has allowed me to marry more than one wife. Why is Allah allowed polyandry, polyandry meaning one woman, multiple husbands and begin and we'll discuss this perhaps more in detail in the coming weeks with Sharia. While the shadyac sees men and

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women as equal, it does not give equal rules and equal rights to men and women they are you know, the vast majority of the rules of the Sharia are, are the same for both men and women, you perform Salah the same, the amount of soccer you pay two and a half percent is the same whether you're a man or a woman. But they are of course specific rules to meet and specific roles to women particular because they are different. So the Sharia recognizes the physical difference between men and women. And therefore the Sharia has certain laws applicable to men, and certain laws applicable to women, and many of these laws SubhanAllah. When you stack them up, you'll find that in many of these laws,

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it is in the favor of women for most of the time, and there are certain situations of course, we would say that it appears to favor men. So for example, you have the Dowty, a woman gets a dowry when she gets married, a man doesn't get a bowtie. But of course, when it comes to inheritance, then of course the son inherits more than the daughter. And so this is the balance which the Sharia has. So if we ask again, yes, Allah is allowed men to marry more than one wife. Why is Allah allowed women to marry more than one husband? The very simple answer is Allah has not permitted it, therefore is permissible. That's it, Allah is not allowed within the Sharia. But again, if we go

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through the wisdom, if a woman had multiple husbands, and before the modern age where we could test for paternity, you know, up to about less than 100 years ago, if a woman had multiple husbands, then we would have no idea who the father of the child is, also may not able to from the Sharia perspective, of course, men are able to fulfill the needs of multiple women from the contractual obligation of Nika has something which is very important. And Nika has a contract. And when you enter into any contract, you take on certain responsibilities, perhaps with a man, the most important responsibility is that of providing financial maintenance in Africa. This is what the man

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has to bring to the table. This isn't amongst many other things. He's able to if he's wealthy enough, he's able to provide enough of us to multiple women, whereas the requirements and the responsibility of a wife becomes very difficult for her to fulfill with multiple husbands. And so this becomes an issue. And so that's why the wisdoms you know, behind it, Allah subhanaw taala, as of course not permitted this, and somehow, like we just not only for the second, we should not only discuss things for, you know, theoretically, on the ground, it's very unlikely. I mean, I have never found a woman complaining that she would like to have multiple husbands, it's very unlikely to find

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a situation like this and outside of Islam also, you will find very, very few societies in the world might one or two year and they that practice polyandry. It's very rare and before

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a generalization can be made that it is more applicable, you'd find it's more common for men to engage in polygyny, therefore ladies to engage in polyandry, and Allah knows best. So, now moving on to more controversial questions around polygyny, is this something that we should encourage as as we know, polygyny, having more than one wife is not very common for us here in South Africa, and is not very common for most western countries. It has become and most societies in the world are moving away from this, is this something that we should revive and try to push and say, Look, it's part of the Sharia. And we should promote it. And we should encourage it. Because you find a certain segment

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of our community that would say he does a show now. And it says sooner that we should encourage the same way we encourage fasting on a Monday and a Thursday, for example, the 10th of Muharram is coming up, we encourage other everyone should also attend them Ashura, everyone as fast you should make the hygiene is marrying a second wife on the same level, like becoming like like making daljit. And you know, giving clarity to the budget. So let's discuss this. It must It is always so the polygyny will always be part of the Sharia first thing, and no one would ever be able to change this, no matter how a person feels about it. Even if you feel I don't like the fact that the Sharia

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You know, this is something that we should look into ourselves. If you find a problem that the Sharia allows a man to marry more than one wife, then understand that as a Muslim, the problem lies with your thinking and your moral compass. It does not lie with the Sharia, because this comes from Allah subhanaw taala. And there is nothing that is more just and more wise than Allah subhanaw taala It is our thinking that must be made subordinate to Allah decrees. And so polygyny will always be part of the Sharia, whether we like it or not, whether it is common or uncommon, whether we live in the Western world, we you know, even in western countries, polygyny is hard on this panel, if you

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marry a second wife, you could go to jail, if you have a mountain, you know, a whole string of mistresses, no problem, you can have a wife and many, many girlfriends and mistresses, no problem with that you can live in one house with, you know, a dozen women in a mansion with with all kinds of different women and that's fine, so long as you don't marry them, then it is permissible. So of course, you know, the Western society is not it's not it's not the framework we take our ethics from. So polygyny will always be part of the Sharia, it's always permissible, is it something we should encourage? Now, again, as I said, people mentioned that is a sooner This is perhaps one of

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the most important points of this talk, understanding the difference between a V sooner capital S and a sunart. Now you know when someone says I need to make my Sooners here in Cape Town, usually you mean like you know off the maverick the two rockers off the rocker Those are my Sooners in inverted commas, you'll know for your voluntary actions, that those good extra deeds now I feel deeds, now sooner, a sooner is any deed that is done and you get rewarded with and it is not something which is compulsory. So giving sadaqa forcing on a manifest is a pseudonym. This refers to the life the teachings the the tradition of the newbies or seldom. And so if we say is polygyny from

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this one, or is it a pseudonym? is it part of the life of Nabil Salaam? Yes, definitely there will be some married multiple wives, and it will be very good for us to understand why he married those wives who were there. But is it a sooner meaning is is it something I will be rewarded? If a man marries a second wife does he automatically get upgraded as a more pious Muslim is a man increased? And the answer to that is it depends on his near it depends on your on your near when if you marry for the sake of of supporting a widow, if you marry for the sake of someone to assist her for the sake of protecting her, then of course the near year is to do something good, then what hamdulillah

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you will get rewarded for that. If the Nia is simply for last few reasons. I only want to get married, which is beautiful, because I want to have more intimacy, then nothing wrong with that's panela no sin upon you I mean and and you might even be rewarded for fulfilling this this desire in a in a in a halau manner you've chosen the halau route instead of the Haram route, but it is not on the same level and it should not be taken as the same level as when the prophets of Allah married widows and Subhan Allah, you know helping people in times of need and so we should be very careful with this. And similarly, marrying a second wife can even be haram as the I mentioned, that if you

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are not just between multiple wives waiting for you brother, it is haram, if you cannot take care of your current wife is haram for you to marry a second wife, it might even be harmful someone to marry one wife, if he's not able to care for her and we do the responsibility as a husband. So the the what the reward you will get familiar in a second or third wife depends on the near it depends on the near and therefore we should be very careful and this movie to the brothers.

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We should not Inc we should not send a blanket statement that matter.

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Shall Allah the man has four wives so we take it as even though he used to be making die at the same way we look at the while he was in the masjid five times a day. So behind Allah, it is not the same, it is not the same. And it is it is something that we should remember that if we do injustice, then it actually it is harmful. You Oh it is worse have you in a worse situation with a law firm adding more than one wife if you're not able to do just a justice between them and remember Allah subhanaw taala also says in Surah Nisa, the same sort of tells you are allowed to marry more than one wife, Allah also says this if and you will never be able to be equal between wives even if you should

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strive very hard to do. So, no matter how hard you try, you will never ever able to be 100% equal. So do not inclined completely towards one and leave another one hanging. And if you amend your face and you have Taqwa of Allah, then Indeed Allah is Forgiving and Merciful. So Allah saying to the main, that if you do marry more than one wife, no matter how much you try, one day, you will feel more inclined to Ayesha in tomorrow will be more feeling more inclined to Fatima as it might be the odd fluctuates. So Allah says that you must never ever be unjust. And remember, if you enter into this contract, you have really put your neck on the block. And so be very, very careful, because if

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you inclined too much on the one side, you give too much preference to one wife over the other, then you have come a little you're an oppressor or a tyrant. And therefore, you become a liable in the in the course of a loss founded on the day of on the day of karma. So,

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we should remember that polygyny in certain situations and certain scenarios can be for the great benefit of the community as Allah Subhana Allah has legislated and if not for those reasons, one wants to get married for much less reasons it is permissible, but not something as we see greatly meritorious as some of the other Sooners of the Nagisa Salam Suna. As for the sister, it is only normal that she would not

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be comfortable with her husband no matter who she is. And we find here and I must, again I speak from my observation, we find many men who want to get married. For a second or so we have the brother, he wants to marry a second wife. And the reasons behind it's very honestly, very frankly, it is purely for lustful reasons, right? He wants to get married to a beautiful young woman purely for the sake of intimacy. Now, of course, his wife, his first wife will never allow or she will never be happy with something like this. And so then you find the spiritual blackmail, you know, I shall How can you say no, this is part of the sooner the prophets Allah marry more than one Allah

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has allowed it and if you do this, you are going against a lion is wrong, rather, this is not the way to do it. This is not this is not a correct In fact, this is this is being unfair on your part, for the sister, it is normal that she would never ever want to share her husband. And it's an indication of her love for you, you find even the most pious of women, the wives that are so seldom, every opportunity they got, they wanted to keep them abuses on them for themselves, you know, towards the end of the life and me so solemn, he offered all his wives an opportunity to either remain with him or to be divorced and be free of him. And so he comes to Russia first and he asks

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her, do you want to remain with me being with me as my wife, very, very difficult, you have to live a very high standard of living, you know, it's very difficult standard to, to maintain. And so she said, of course, she wants to stay as his wife, but she said, don't tell the other wives I'm also I'm staying because if they know I'm staying, then they also don't want to stay. So maybe if you hide it from them, then they will, they will leave and I can sort of get rid of some of my competition. And so, another person I can't quite obviously, deceive people like this, but even these are those pious women, these are the amalgam of meaning, but they of course, were not happy to

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share their husband and his only normal and therefore to blackmail a sister to say that if you will not allow me to Fulfill my desires in this manner, you are causing you know you are going into Atlantis So, this is actually is this this talk is not this is haram talk actually is a hadith and although this hadith is weak, the meaning is understood. It is reported that the Rasul Allah said to even Massoud that Allah has decreed jealousy in the, in the, for women that women of course, change the husband, there is a deep sense of of hurt in this in this regard, and for many is Jihad Subhan Allah, the Jihad of a woman is for her to share her husband. And so if a woman finds the scenario,

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and he is patient, and she has faith in this and hope for the word of Allah, then it is like that of a Shaheed, she gets the reward of a show he which shows us behind Allah, and the takeaway here is not to ofourse your wife and make a martyr of her. It shows you that Subhan Allah, it is a very, very difficult and impossible thing for a lady to ever accept. Similarly, if you were to be forced and signed up for jihad, how would we be feeling you know, even though we can say yes, it is Jad, whatever it might be, whoever Subhana Allah will go with an easy hot to do this and so forth.

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Sisters, it is normal, and it is normal for her to oppose and to prevent every step of the way. This is from the son of the wives and a wife that says, three gives you free reign, Mary as you wish, then Subhanallah, they might be a very strange situation in that in that marriage. So if Subhan Allah, the husband Now, having seen all these things, he wants to get married to a second wife, what should he do, there is a protocol and a procedure. And in many scenarios, in many cases, in our society in particular, we find that this is not followed correctly. And therefore, the person incurs harm in the way he does it. He hurts his family, he causes a great deal of injustice amongst all

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parties involved, a great deal of sadness. And of course, what makes it even worse for us as a minority, you tarnish the name of Islam, so many men Subhana Allah, they do things incorrectly, in the name of the Sharia, when really there is nothing, Sharia has nothing to do with him, that what they are doing has got nothing to do with Islam or the Sharia. But the Sharia is tarnished by the the actions, how do we get married to us if one wants to do this, what is the procedures and the protocol. So for the first thing, if you are married, so Ahmed is married, he should not be interacting with other women that are not his wife to begin with, he should not be having dialogues

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and these kinds of things, which will create the desire to marry a second wife. And similarly, oh, sisters, the fact that you are single, the fact that you would love to have a husband, if he is married to another woman, Subhana Allah, you should not of course, as well be involved with married men. So married men should not be involved with single females and similarly vice versa. You know, in our society, we know that the lines between male female interaction is not where it should be Mashallah perspective, people are very cozy and comfortable. That is not permissible. And this is one of the reasons why we have many problems in our society, that if we don't follow the guidance of

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the Sharia in the small things, we would see that the big things got out of control. So the first step we shouldn't be interacting with, with members of the opposite sex, very clearly, you cannot have a female friend or a male friend, that is not a relative, this is just the case, you cannot have an intimate friend, that is not a Muharram with you this is some handler not permissible, then if you are now really contemplating you've now somehow made this woman in halaal City, and you have desire to marry her, look at your reasons, why is it I want to get married to her and based on your near this would be judged in terms of how you get married? To be sincere with your Nia is it for a

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greater purpose? Is it purely for lust for reasons? Are you in a situation that if you do not get married, you might fall into into haram? You know, all these things need to be taken into consideration, then you need to ask yourself, Am I fulfilling my current responsibilities and duties as a husband, if I am not fulfilling my duties as a husband currently, then really, we have no business, we have no business taking on a second life. And therefore you need to ask yourself in terms of my time in terms of my

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how much time and finances Do I have to care for my family and if this is lacking, then you should not use or permissible for you to marry a second wife. And then you have to be man enough to consult your first wife, you have to speak to a social panel and this is where many men fall short. They do not have the courage to go and speak to their wife and say, you know, my love, as much as I love you, there's someone else that I want to get married to, because they know Subhanallah they might be crucified and Pinilla it is it's understandable and so if you're not able to do that, if you're not able to do this publicly and do this, you know openly and maturity then really you are not ready to

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have a second wife You are not you are not to have that you do not have what it takes to to do this as a real man. And so therefore Subhan Allah This is where many men fall short the short and you find as an Imam you get these calls you know of quite regularly shared I'd like to get married to second wife but I don't want my first wife to know can you keep it a secret panel of please do not call me for something like that never will we will never perform any car like that the car is something which is open because something which is publicized people should know that we getting married that's why we have a walima and so secret marriages. This is not something which the Sharia

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condones, and some handler how many lies Will you be telling and working late and going away for the weekend for some business thing? How do you keep this a secret from your family? For so long and and also to your new wife, the injustice to her that she can never tell anyone that she's married to you that if you are in public, you won't you will completely ignore one another. How is this fair or just you just to think about it, you are lying you are

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deceiving one another with promises and he says that he is not a believer if he you know you you don't have love for your brother what you love yourself How can use vanilla one something like this for for either party. And so this is something which must be which must be openly discussed. And I encourage for anyone who wants to enter into this kind of transaction to speak to any mom pre counseling with both with all parties, existing wife and potential wife sit down

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and discuss how much time each one will be spending. How will finances be distributed legally, because for muscle, African law, assets will also come into play. And so have a very clear understanding of the do's and don'ts in the scenario, as we said, is a very dangerous area you're entering into. And it's a fine line that you are treating for the sister for you if I want to make sure my husband, so the Sharia allows him to marry a second wife, as a Muslim, I accept that. I don't dispute that. How do I Subhanallah as a as a Muslim woman, protect myself from this, there are multiple things you can do to protect yourself in your makeup, when you get married, you can put in

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your contract, that if he ever wants to marry a second wife, then he needs to get my permission that I have to approve of that. And if he does not get my permission, and he marries a second wife without my consent, and this is grounds for divorce, this is permissible to put in your marriage contract. Another thing you can do is request a tough we'll talk where he gives you one of the catalogs. And so if ever, something like this comes up, you exercise that palette, you free yourself of of this of this of this marriage, and so Subhanallah the I mean the Sharia as we can see as many mechanisms for the benefit of the husband and the wife, and they also you know if it is abused and

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Subhanallah it remember you are going against you're abusing the Sharia of Allah subhanaw taala and so follow the injunctions of the Quran and the Sunnah, and this will keep us on the straight path. To conclude, there was in the midst of all this there was a fitna a social media figure, and maybe some words of advice with regards to this social media feed now that we find the professor, someone speaks about fitness, and he says the one who abstained from the fitness is better than the one who rushes towards it. And so when you see these things happening online, it is best for you to take away from it. The professor says that whatever goes running towards it or ever seeks this kind of

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fitna will be destroyed by you commenting on something, you adding your two cents, you now become liable, and you'll become party to that whole whole mess. And so avoid whenever we see a fitna avoid, or rather from involving ourselves in it. But we do take some points, that we live in a country where gender based violence is a huge issue, perhaps one of the worst countries in the world. And the women in this country experienced what no other women in the world experience. And therefore, every interaction between men and women must be done with a greatest level of decorum and respect, how we speak to each other, how we deal with one another from our husbands or wives, to the

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women all around. And there is no room within the Sharia and no room for us to make jokes to make comments that are sexist to make comments or derogatory that are demeaning. There is no place in that in Islam. And especially in our society where men act, they only say these things, they actually act out these things. And so we Subhanallah condemned these, any kind of locker room talk or jokes that are insensitive and offend our sisters, we're all humans. And having said that we are all humans, we all make mistakes. And if we may have made them made a mistake and we repent, it takes a big person to repent publicly and ask for math. And when we honor that Allah smart Allah

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says to us, and let them pardon and lit we should pause and overlook. If someone made a sin against us, we should give them math. And Allah says to you, we do not like that Allah should forgive you, when you when you have committed a sin. So whenever someone has done something wrong, and they want to repeat, then we should, we should forgive them. And we do not have the right to judge anyone and penalize any mom, you'll hear this many times people will tell you just because I don't make Salah You have no right to judge me. So we have no right to judge anyone. And if you do want to judge someone, you do not judge them on one lapse of judgment or other look at a lifetime of service,

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lifetime of the good that has been done. And you weigh against the small negatives. And so behind Allah, Allah subhanaw taala is the only one that can judge. And so we take this as a learning opportunity. Every one of us should learn about these laws within Islam that are but strange to us, especially in the gender environment. There are a number of series is a series The women around the messenger on Muslim Central which is free of charge, and the mother of the nations and oncotherapy website that you can, you can learn. It is an opportunity for us to have an open dialogue we take from this, we can already form and educate ourselves, we can all be better, we can all do more. This

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gender based violence is not excluded. It's not that Muslims are not exempted from this many Muslim men somehow are guilty of the Solis are clearly a problem in our society. We should talk about this and we should you know address this thing in a failure and not try to push a certain agenda. There are certain agendas being applied here. We'll talk more about this inshallah. In the coming weeks. last words of advice to the provinces. Would you like me to tell you about the best treasure a man could have? What is the best thing you could have as a treasure? The province is the best the man could have is a woman that is religious, who is pleasing to look at who preserves his honor when

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he's away and he acts and she acts in accordance to what he asks of us. He says that abusive continues the best benefit a believer could have off the man is to have a good wife who who minds what he builds up. She helped she she she assists him

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she pleases Him, He just needs to look at her up and she makes him happy. And she protects her chastity and his property in his absence. And the prophet who says to the husbands, the best of you is who is best to his wife, and I'm the best to my wives. And so supine Allah, how we interact between our wives and our husbands is a means by which we can interject. And Allah blesses in our marriages. melograno has happiness, and may we live happily ever after, has been in wives in general, for widows. I mean, one last comment akula in Muharram, the new year we usually have a Muharram March, unfortunately, will not have a para March of this year in the book, but we invite

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all of you to you know, join us in our haram program. And this would involve a quiz for children and a quiz for adults can find attached to my slides, you will find there is a poster. And of course, we'd like to still continue the sooner that we do the good things that we do you know how much we give kids some sweets, we'd like to do this. We'd like to give some toys as well especially for the orphans. So if you would like to contribute to this, please donate to our Muharram program and we also like to feed the underprivileged in the Boo cabin whoever else wants to be there. So if you'd like to be part of our feeding scheme, then please inshallah join us. There's knucklehead sugar and

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so much Sinhala Cena Mohammed Allah Allah services I'm receiving Hammurabi alameen salaam alaikum.

Gender Series #1 - The Second Wife
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