Fiqh Of Love Episode #23 Seeking The Husband’s Permission
Channel: Muhammad Salah
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Salam Alaikum salam. My name is John Fontaine and welcome back to the thick of love. Today we're joined again with Dr. Muhammad Salah Salam aleikum. Wa alaykum wa salaam wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh. Thank you, John, how's it going? Wonderful. Alhamdulillah? How do you think the series has gone so far? Well, I hope and I pray that, first of all, may Allah grant us sincerity and may Allah accept from us. And it will be very beautiful to learn that from the feedback that the viewers have benefited out of it. It'll be nice. If for those of the viewers at home, they can leave their comments show and we'd like to have some feedback if that's possible. Now.
Last episode, we're speaking about the rights of the husband, and specifically the obey the status of the husband in the marriage, as well as the obedience to the husband. So quickly, just before we move on, I wanted to recap what we were speaking about last episode regarding the obedience of the husband. Let me start off with a very interesting story. That I believe it is to assure all the wives that being an obedient
wife to the husband does not mean that you are his secretary, or his servant, or his maid, rather, it is something before Allah subhanaw taala greatly appreciated. A woman by the name as bad as man, Binti as Eid. May Allah be pleased with her, came to the Messenger of Allah peace be upon me said oh prophet of Allah. I'm not here talking on behalf of myself. I'm representing a huge number of women.
All of them agree to or I'm going to say so I'm speaking on their behalf. He said go ahead. And the Roman attending. She said Yeah, Rasul Allah, how come? Men have the privilege of attending the prayer in JAMA. And the other word of 27 times greater men have the privilege of observing jihad. And if the when they take the spoils, and Allah will reward them and if they die, the Dasha Hades, and we look after the children we are bringing them, we'll take care of them will guard their money. So we're also doing a great job FMO Shaniqua Hornell adura, FN Oceanica, homall ADRA.
Will we share with them the word like since without us, they cannot do that, but also they are given some privileges, they are competing with them, or they are considering that they are bearer irrespective of doing good deeds. So what about us? So the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam before answering, he looked to those who are around him and said, Have you ever heard any more eloquent statement than that? She phrased her question in a very eloquent way. Then the Prophet sallallahu Sallam and that was like a sign of approval. Then the Messenger of Allah peace be upon him answered in the affirmative. Yes, of course, you will be partners to them and he will share the
Word. So according to the statement of the Prophet sallallahu sallam, that when somebody goes to the join the military, the army, and he is struggling on the battlefield, his wife is sharing him their word, sharing their word with him. When she is staying at home and doing the homework with the kids, and he is going back and forth attending the Jamar in the masjid every footstep, he's earning good deeds and erasing some of his sins. She is also sharing with him the word.
In another narration, the Prophet sallallahu sallam said, Yes, ma'am, I want you to convey my message to all the women who sent you and obviously told the Muslim women in the house not only the corner is out, yeah, yeah, deal with Eric Aquila, being a good wife to your husband, is equivalent reward to all what you mentioned before that the men they go for GEMA the observed jihad, the Buddhists and they have money given to charity. Being a good wife, you receive exactly a similar word and it is equivalent to all those good deeds that men do and you do not get to do SubhanAllah. So she's done around making real and tech beer. what's the upshot? La ilaha illa Allah Allahu Akbar
Allahu Akbar. She was very happy.
So the questions of the women at the time of the Prophet Salah Salem and the Sahaba yet, we're not about you know, what about my rights? You know, and complaining about the husbands. It happened once that a woman came to complain to the Prophet Salla Salah and about her husband, who asked her not to fast. He said, sometimes I'm fasting, and he orders me to quit fasting. And sometimes I'm praying and he blames me for praying longer prayer. The Prophet sallallahu Sallam called him and he said, Why do you do that? That will suffer and in the market? He said, Yeah rasool Allah I am a young man. I am a young man. And whenever she fast, I cannot touch her because she's fasting. So I have some
needs. And this is voluntary and Masha Allah everyday she is fasting.
And also whenever she prays, she decides to long sewers. So the Prophet sallallahu alayhi salam assayed. Well, if it is voluntary fasting, then after you coordinate with him, and for the prayers, one surah is is enough. He said Salallahu Alaihe Salam, and I want every woman to listen to the sound, Hadith, every woman
our goal, whether a husband or a wife, whether singles are married. The ultimate goal is to enter paradise as Muslims, correct, correct. Yeah. The Prophet salallahu Alaihe Salam says to women, there are some little Mara to Hamza
Warsaw mucha Hara. What a thought what have you that for Jaha we're apart Zelda feel and add halogen nuts. I mean, I won't be harsh at and that's the sound Hadith. Whenever a woman just offers the five daily prayers.
Whenever a woman
fast only during Ramadan.
And she got her chastity
and She obeys her husband. Then on the Day of Judgment, she will be called upon and she will be told enter agenda from whichever get you choose SubhanAllah. Russia, what did she do? As far as a bad at the basics, the $5 price as far as the fasting during Ramadan, but God you are chastity, make sure that you're a modest woman and listen to your husband, as long as he's asking you to something affordable and halal Subhan Allah so Allah has made it so so much easier, if you like for the woman to gain the pleasure of Allah to get into
to paradise Subhan Allah but Allah often because of today's society, especially in the West, with feminism and the likes of competition, you definitely it is compared the man to the woman or the woman to the man and Wallahi. That is not fair. And it's not fair. So yeah, and it's unjust, because you got two different things, and you're treating them the same. Exactly. That is not fair for women whatsoever. And that's why when when a woman like that is kind of stubborn, and she thinks she's doing the right thing. The the marriage ends up with divorce. And then she regrets that a few years later, but the man is already married. Because again, you want to marry somebody who knows already
when he divorced your first husband or ex husband because you want it to be the driver or the the man in charge. So another man is not interested in being driven, or been given commands or orders by the woman and he knows that he will end up being divorced as well. Sheikh just before we move on, I wanted to ask you, you know, in this day and age, many people in the West are now moving back to Muslim countries. And I'm seeing a lot of issues where the wives will not follow them, you know, to live in another country. You know, does this come under obedience to the husband as well? Should the wife move with the husband? Number one, decisions like that have to be discussed and consulted
between both of them. You know, even when it comes to the winning of the child, Allah Almighty says in the Quran in Arada fish oil and Antara the minima watershed war in Fela Jonah Hala Hema who's breastfeeding the baby? The wife, not the husband? Does she have the right just to say enough is enough? Now it's already nine months I'm going to win him or her. No, discuss this matter between both of you and for our audience. Jani, both of them are on the same page. And they think, well, it's about time 18 months is enough. What she says Honey, I'm having, you know, the my test came back and the hemoglobin is very low. And I'm very low in Iran and I need this and this and that I
cannot breastfeed anymore. So it says honey, no problem. Let's look for an alternative. So they decide based on mutual concern
rotation, not unilateral. So a decision a huge decision like that, traveling and moving, moving from the states from the UK living in Morocco, living in Jordan, live in moving to an entirely different society? Well, well, I want to tell you that Alhamdulillah I secure the place to live and, and I secure the job. We have some saving. So our purpose is to put our kids in schools, Muslim environment, teach them Arabic, teach them the Quran, we to learn new here, then we'll go to the masjid good causes. So she will be on the same page. But when you show up and you say, Guess what we'll live in next week to Cairo, Egypt. So I wouldn't be surprised if she says well, you can go I'm
not going anywhere this is home. So Robin, what a shower in? And if the decision is for the welfare of the entire family, then she must obey him in this regard. But what am I gonna do with my friends are lucky here. It's about the welfare of the entire family, not the welfare of an individual in the family.
Now in terms of the physical rights of the husband,
how does this work
in the marriage?
I know that most men know by heart, many a hadith in this regard and how Allah is very angry with the wife. The husband calls her to bed for intimacy and she refuses and the end user will be cursing her until the morning until he is pleased and all of that. But I want to take you one step back
with the I O for the Honda Mr. Laddie Allah Hina Bill maruf. So there are mutual rights and obligations for both. And over both of them
are the Allahu Anh was a very devout worshiper. When Sandman Radi Allahu Anhu came to visit him at home he was in there. And that was during the time in the early stage of Medina life, where the Prophet sallallahu Sallam made the brotherhood between Al Ansari and Al Maha jurien. He made it equivalent to the blood relationship. So I was Sofia was not like a blood brother. To me, I will talk about dada. But he would visit him and socialize with him hanging around him because they become brothers in Islam. So when he came once,
he didn't find a home, who opened the door, his wife or my daughter.
So she was wearing *gy clothes. She was not really dressed up like you know, our wife was anxiously waiting for her husband to come home. The clothes of what we call it the manner cleaning up the house and doing the homework and the cooking.
She's not taking care of herself. So Salman and Pharisee, may Allah be pleased with her work with him, said to Omoto that what is wrong with you? Because now he's like, you know, a brother in law. She said me it's not me what is wrong with your brother?
If you want to ask him.
Then he waited for him. He figured out that aboda Masha Allah is fastened on every day praying mind. So he has no interest in this physical relationship. That's why Omada realize that there is no point of wearing the makeup and adorning myself and he's not interested. So he waited for him until he came home. And I think
you're running out of time for this segment. We can continue the story after the break here. We'll take a short break and we'll pick that up after the break. Join us after the break. We'll be back in a few minutes As salam o Allah who over the cattle
Salaam Alaikum salam, welcome back to the thick of love so I can share it. Salam wa rahmatullahi wa barakaatuh Hassan Sheikh just before the break, he was mentioned in a beautiful Hadith and we didn't get chance to get all the benefits from it. Yeah, when I will say one sentimental Pharisee or the alarm visited I will do that. And he realized that his wife was not taking care of her self. So she shared with him that the man is always in worship, fasting and bear in mind. So he's not interested in women. And that's why Sandman decided to have a chat with our dog that so when he came he said that I'm going to eat with you today. He said bomb fasting you go ahead and eat. They said bomb you
guessed you're gonna break your fast. So he made him break his fast and he ate with him. And then the
A trade monger elimination night. He said I'd love to spend the night in your place. And he spent the night with him. I would love that made me do and he said Allahu Akbar, he was going to pray the night prayer from the beginning of the night. MashAllah Babu his friend's son, Manuel Pharisee, his brother said, I would doubt that I will need to go back to sleep. So I'm gonna pray. So just go to sleep. So you go to sleep. After a while he got up and he wanted to pray. Salman again said I would go back to sleep. He wanted him to have rest. Then what it was before further he asked him to get up and pray. Then when they went to the Prophet salallahu Alaihe Salam.
I wonder that wasn't too happy. You know, he's just given for some man because his brother and he was his guest. But he complained to the Prophet sallahu wa salam. Can you imagine a prophet of Allah Sandman made me break my fast yesterday. And when I got up to pray as regular he said no go back to sleep. And then he started teaching me and he said yeah, but the Allah has rights upon you, but also your wife have arrived upon you. And your guests have arrived upon you and your own body have right upon you. So you should give everyone that you rights.
When he shared that with the Prophet sallallahu sallam, the Prophet sallallahu Sallam surprised him with his essence, his sadaqa somebody who spoke the truth. You saw, right? You should do that. So he agreed. Why? Because he's been teaching all the companions that when when armoured the last son, Abdullah Noblin, last got married.
On the Wrath of Khan summit in the marriage, look, we've been talking about the Unite of the whole and consume it in the marriage and the rights and the duties and what to do and so on. Abdullah innominate, the last skip all of that, because this guy, his father got married, but he's doing his regular routine. Allahu Akbar, and he prays all night long. And right before February, we'll take a few days. Why is this so hard? Why? Because I'm fasting tomorrow. And the girl. The bride is just sitting waiting for him, but he's not showing any interests upon when his father returned next morning, and he asked what happened? She said, Nemo, Abdullah,
how was my son he said, she said, he's the best servant to his Lord, but he never touched me. Subhanallah so he took him to the Prophet Salah Salem and the Prophet SAW Selim taught him that everyone have rights, this bride have rights upon you. So as we as we demand our rights, so both the men and the women he has the rise of the physical cause, especially in that physical need and it satisfaction in the Hadith Rasulullah sallallahu Sallam has hidden sound Hadith, if you if you happen to see anything that fascinates him about a woman who's not lawful for him, you're walking, working in the mall at work, you have a co worker colleague or a saw a beautiful woman, she's not
wearing hijab, and made you desire her. He says Salah Salem, lower your gaze, go home, and have this intimate relationship with your wife, because that will calm you down. Because you have satisfied your sexual desire in halal, why if he comes home, but she's not interested, or because she's too busy, or because she smells, she was doing the cooking. So the husband have rights, the wife have rights in this respect. And both of them have to be very smart, very clever. They just understand the hint. So that satisfy each other. What happens if the wife refuses the physical contact? This is the Hadith which everybody knows by heart. But we have to explain. Why did she refuse? Well, because
she's got a headache, she's got a migraine, she is he is banging her head against the wall. And discus. She is not blameworthy. And he has to understand that him and be patient. You know, she's sick. She cannot she is not in the mood. And this sickness, whether it is something clinical, like migraine, stomach ache, or anything that low blood pressure, high blood pressure, or if it is something more on She's depressed, she just lost her brother, she just lost her that she's having a dilemma in her life. So all of that this is these are valid excuses. And the husband should be supportive to her during this time, not just demanding, satisfying his physical desire. Shake what
if the the wife is inviting bad friends into the house? And husband isn't happy about this? And he's told his wife over and over again look, you know, I don't want this. I don't want this woman in the house. When the Messenger of Allah peace be upon him spoke about in brief about the rights of the wife versus the rights of the husband his
says, the rights and again he began by the rights. You feed them from whatever you eat, you clothe them, you take care of home, you deal with them honorably. Then he says, What are Kumala Hina. And among your rights upon them, they should not let anyone into your house without your permission. And they should not let anyone sit on your spirit or bed or couch whom you hate, or you dislike. You see, we keep balanced. Maybe you're having an issue with her brother, you don't want to see him. You don't want to socialize with him. Why? So he's not coming at home, but you cannot prevent her from connecting with her brother, or any of her siblings, as long as they are okay. They're good people.
Only when the person becomes a bad influence, and be God fearing a big gut feeling. You do not say it oh, I asked her not to speak to her siblings. Because they are bad. They're wicked. Do they pay? Yes. The fast? Yes. So why did you just judge them as wicked? Because of something personal? No, that is not fair. Shake. What about, you know, subhanAllah we get a lot of messages, especially in the West, where the wife actually leaves the house, you know, without the husband's permission. And even sometimes very late at night, maybe they go to their parents house is very late at night. And the husband is not very happy about this. And they keep using the excuse. I'm going to see my
mother, I won't see my parents. Are they allowed to this leave the house to things of letting people n or worn out should be with the coordination of the husband and his approval? Why? Because he's the man in charge. Yeah, Annie.
Fatima, whose fault the man she's the daughter of Rasulullah sallallahu Sana, to incidents happened when when honorable oskeim. And he asked he wanted to ask Fatima about something but Ali was not home. He came once, twice or three times. Then when he finally Mithali. He said Why don't you ask? What did you ask him directly? He said because we were forbidden from entering somebody's house without the permission of the husband.
Subhanallah second, secondly, Fatima Oh, sick, was expiring. A while back her father came to visit her. So you sought permission? Because she was sick? It her husband said your dad is outside? Shall I let him in? She says after your permission.
Imagine Okay, now, the husband is not misusing this power of authority. And he's banned in her from going to the classes or continuing her education or going to the doctor or the dentist or doing her hair or doing something halal. Okay.
And if the husband is okay, he knows that every day she goes to the house. No problem. She doesn't need every day a permission and a stem. What a written statement. Okay, there is a mutual understanding. But you're traveling. You're going to another city with home. Oh, bunch of my girlfriends are going out together. I didn't know why I forgot to tell you now that's not permissible. Right? Yeah.
Sheikh in regard with regards to serving the husband, you know, what's the responsibilities of the wife for cooking, cleaning, taking care of the households with children, etc. and serving the husband? I really appreciate that you've asked this question.
If we scrutinize the life of the prophet and his companions, we will find that Subhanallah all the wives of the Prophet Salah Salem are doing their homework.
He didn't have maids.
And his daughter faltan Allahu anha, who's better than Fatima. She once said to Ali or the Allah that my hands are worn out of grinding the wheat to make the flour. He said, I know Me too. I'm really tired and exhausted. Why don't you go to your father, the prophet Salah Salem and ask him for a maid. So she went and the Prophet sallallahu Sallam advised them he said, you know, go home and I will come and visit you in the evening. And when he came, he said the me advice you whenever you go to sleep, before you lie down, or before you go sleep you say subhanallah 33 times or handler 33 times Allahu Akbar 34 times that is better for you than having a made this hadith or mentioning in
this context, the show that far team out of the Allahu Anhu serving whom?
Her husband, Ali, is there any woman better than Fatima? On the Prophet Salah Sam said, four of the best women ever from beginning to the end. Hmm. He mentioned Meriam Amroth Embrun Jesus mother as here, the first wife, and he mentioned faltan I've been to Mohammed and Khadija been to Hawaii. So Fatima Rhodiola on her and she's good
Writing. Why because Alika afford it
if the husband can afford it, and number seven Serato Tala Leo Lusardi min sati. If this nice place is my house, then he can afford to have a driver, have a cook, have a maid to clean up the house. But if I'm working here, then I cannot afford it. Then the husband and wife should cooperate JazakAllah handshakes upon a very important points there regarding serving the husband, the rights of the husband, etc. And also both the husband and the wife. Exactly. Okay, that's all we have time for today shake so hopefully we can continue to chat in the next program. Join us next time for another episode of the thick of love. I hope you're getting some benefit. See you next time As Salam
aleikum wa sallahu wa barakato