Muhammad Salah – Fiqh Of Love Episode #24 Marriage Counseling

			Salam Alaikum salam. My name is John Fontaine and welcome back to another episode of the thick of
love. And today we're joined with Dr. Muhammad Salah
		

			salaam wa rahmatullahi wa barakato. John, how you doing? I'm doing wonderful hamdulillah Hamdulillah
I mean, really, I've really enjoyed the series so far of the fake of love, I'm glad you do.
		

			So shakes upon Allah, we've we've come a long way. Subhanallah we started at the beginning.
		

			Brothers and sisters, they needed to get married, they couldn't find a spouse. And then we showed
them how to find a spouse in a halal way. Finally, we don't forget, we spoke about Allah, of course,
love
		

			the Hello, love and Cipolla, we spoke about how to you know, get into the motion, hello, we the race
and the duties of both a man and a woman. But things don't always work out. You know. And of course,
marriage is a huge test. And Allah is gonna test us with a marriage, you know, it's a new thing.
		

			Living with someone you've never lived with before, you know, you try to work each other out, you're
bound to come into problems and miscommunication and disagreements. And sometimes people
		

			actually react to these problems in different ways. Some people, maybe they jump straight to
divorce, others, maybe the man goes and he wants to marry someone else, even though he's got issues
with his first wife. And sometimes people just ignore the problems and they let the problems
snowball and snowball. And after years of these issues, you know, it comes out eventually. And you
know, it can it can have a huge effect on the family, the wider family as well as the children. So,
you know, when people do fall into problems of marriage, what how should we treat this Smilla
Rahmanir Rahim Al hamdu lillah wa salatu salam ala Nabina. Mustafa or back in the beginning, I'd
		

			like to make mention of a few facts. The first fact is that a huge percentage of divorce cases
happen in the first month, second or third, or in the first year of marriage. That is you two,
they're very patient. There is due to the fact that two people never been together before. They
don't have an experience and now the move in and they are confronted with the fact that each one of
them have some habits, some traditions and expectations from the others, which may be not met
exactly as expected, and also some demands. So that's why we recommend here in this program, that
the couples should
		

			attend some sort of orientation before getting married. And understand in the past, the parents used
to hold this orientation for the children. So, the the groom before marrying, would listen to his
father and we listened to the chef or the Imam and would actually come forward to seek the advices
and the mother of the girl would take care of advice in her and given her the proper orientation
that is not happening anymore.
		

			So, they should attend some sort of orientation in order to learn how to avoid these problems which
may lead to separation, then the destruction of the family. First, I guess that's partly what is the
intention of this program is for us was initially discussing there is wanted to teach the people you
know, so they can avoid these issues. Second fact you got to understand that not because you were in
love before marriage, or because you were related to each other or you liked each other. Or because
you know you spent so much money and engagement was so sweet like a honeymoon. Now we expect that
life will be very smooth and free from any problems. No, this is not gonna happen. There will be
		

			some trials and also shaytaan Satan's main objective, after making a person disbelieve in Allah is
to divorce the believing couples. This is like quite an achievement for the shaper and then the
Hadees that he or words any of his hosts or offspring will put into
		

			crown on his head of the jinn, if they managed to separate between a Muslim couple and cause a
divorce and discord between them so you gotta be careful. Take precautions we said every time you
enter your house you say this Mala before you eat you say Bismillah before you have intimate
relationship with your spouse, you sacrificial Allah, Allah Masha Nibbana Chopin was your Nisha
Aparna Mara is Aptana and also you need a great deal of forbearing attitude for given pardoning and
negligence, you turn a blind eye, you pretend as if he didn't see it once and twice and several
times, until things get better. Because if you keep building up and you become very meticulous with
		

			everything, I can assure you, this marriage with this spouse or with any other spouse is not going
to last me even if you divorce the spouse and you marry somebody else, you also going to have an
confront the same problem. So you have to let go. You have to pretend that you are not paying
attention in order for things to improve with a continuous education as well with the reminder of
fearing Allah. Look what Allah says in surah Allah Zambia Are you Alladhina tabula rasa Kulu colon
said EDA use the lack of armella Well for lack of a backup. So he advised us with the right saying
or the right statement, alkali metal tayyiba Posada. So when you say what is good, Allah would say
		

			try it all your affairs. And same thing between the husband and wife between the couple. Then also
		

			remember that even Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam,
		

			the Messenger of Allah peace be upon him, who is the greatest, the Most Merciful, the Most Loving,
the most caring, the most loved by Allah and by his companions, and by his wives, the Prophet
salallahu Alaihe Salam was a human being as well. And he had some issues with some of his wives,
many, many times and many incidents to the extent that he actually divorced some of his wives. Then
he took her back, like in the case of Hafsa, Radi Allahu Anhu. But he was the greatest teacher, and
the greatest forbearing person, and he would let go. So when you keep that in mind, you don't think
this is the end of the world, when you defer only dispute when you have some trouble. Add to that
		

			another fact, which is
		

			the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam suggested and allowed, complimenting your spouse, even if
you do not really mean it. So the Prophet salallahu Alaihe Salam has said, lie is absolutely
forbidden. And it's a major sin. Lying is a major sin, except in three conditions, we're going to
shed some light on only one of them for now, which is
		

			the conversation that goes on between the husband and the wife. So if he wants to make things
better, and says, Honey, you know what, you're the most beloved person to me in life. Maybe he loves
his mother more. Or maybe he doesn't love her that much. But this statement isn't a lie. You know,
when he looked at you, I think you are the most beautiful woman on earth. And when she says that
you're the best man on earth, all of that these statements are recommended, because the compliments
develop love, even if it doesn't exist, and it maintains this kind of relationship. Should we you
know, throughout this whole series, we're speaking about love. And of course, getting married to
		

			someone is a huge commitment. And equally, you know, so is divorce, you know, so how important is it
that we don't jump to divorce, that we try to reconcile between the two. This is reason division
because divorce,
		

			you have limited
		

			access to divorce once twice, then it becomes irrevocable. And when you have kids, it's over is
devastating. But when you reconcile, it is reconcilable. Look. I'm Adam Hata. Once he had an issue
with one of his wives, she was arguing with him. And then he said, How dare you raise your voice and
argue with me? She said, and why should I not argue with you? And the Prophet sallallahu Sallam does
argue these wives, they his wives argue with him and the dispute to them. They said they do. She
said, Yes, of course, his daughter Hafsa was married to the Prophet sallallahu sallam. So he forgot
about his case. He couldn't tolerate you know the era before Islam. He is a man. So he couldn't
		

			tolerate that his wife is disputing with him is one word is my word. It's my way or the highway. So
when she was arguing with him, and she said, Did the wives of the Prophet sallallahu Sallam argue
with him? Go ahead
		

			Ask. So you want to have son he visited with her and said, Honey my daughter? Do you ever argue with
the Prophet Salla sarin? She said yes sometimes you do. You said aren't you afraid that Allah will
be angry with you? The prophets Allah Salah was given them the space to do that. If the Prophet
sallallahu sallam was ready to execute the divorce whenever one of them would make mistake, because
she's a wife of Rasulullah sallallahu sallam, he didn't have any wife, but look at him. Once Aisha
says Radi Allahu Anhu.
		

			It was her turn it was her night. Then the Messenger of Allah got up, he slept the way he was
sleeping with her on the same spirit. They didn't have beds, they just lying on the floor. So he
uncovered himself and he got up. And he said, the one shy issue started thinking, Where is he going?
Where is he going? She's she's a woman as well, even though she's the wife of the Prophet, Salah
Salem, but she suspected that maybe he is going to one of his other wives. So she put on her hijab
or his her clot and she followed him.
		

			And the prophets, Allah Allah said and didn't go far away, he was just at the graveyard, the fall
back here. And he made some supplications and he returned, as he was making a U turn. He saw
something like something dark, barren in front of him. When he returned home, you know, under the
cover, I she was breast was she was gasping on air. So he figured that, he said, Are you okay? What
is happening? She said nothing. Nothing. He said, Look, if you don't tell me, Allah will tell, he
will tell me Is Allah will have you. She said nothing. I said, Okay, I'll tell him. She said, Okay,
I'll tell you.
		

			Well, when it's not the way and he just left us that you're going to one of your wives said you
thought that Allah and His messenger would ever betray you? How did he do that? You know, I was in
bed with you and Gibreel came to me, I stepped out because you were not wearing your hijab. So he
said that Allah is sending you a message, go to the graveyard of our Baqia and pray for them. So I
complied. And I just came back here is a prophet Salah salon. So if somebody found his wife,
searching in his iPhone, trying to put his fingerprint on there, to identify and to unlock it, or
searching in his wallet and accusing him that you are conducting this or that, just mere suspicion,
		

			it can end up with divorce, it can be the end of the world. Subhan Allah Subhanallah Sheikh is very
important, you know, looking at these great examples, from the time that a Prophet
		

			you know, under inshallah would like to, we'll just have a short break, and then we'll come back to
that. So please give us a few minutes and we'll be right back with the fit of love.
		

			Salam Alaikum Welcome back to the thick of love. So I can check where it comes from I have our
cattle will come back. Yeah. hamdulillah SubhanAllah. Chef, we you just gave us a very nice insight
into one of the I know I need to tell you from the wife side, because it's not always the husband
who has to be you know, to take the initiative and say it's okay and forgiven pardon, but also the
wife and the Hadith the Prophet salallahu Salam I said, the best of you women who do women in
paradise, Allah dude, and Allah, Allah lewd, what are these terms? And will do he is very
compassionate. Oh, subhanAllah when you have a wife was always smiling was always happy with even
		

			the little thing that you give her. You come home with her? Oh, she says honey, you know, I don't
know without you. What can I do? She thinks that you give her a Mercedes. Okay. That's what we're
very passionate, very compassionate. And the second is our old the Prophet salaallah Salam says
about this woman in case that they have a dispute. So she would take the initiative, she would go to
her husband and she puts her hand in his hand and she says honey, Leia Mabuti, gift Hata turban, I'm
not gonna close my eyes, there is no way that I can go to sleep while you're not happy with me, so
that they reconciled. Allah Almighty is very pleased with this woman. So both of them have to have
		

			the willingness to reconcile, especially when you're not, you know, normally when we speak about
reconciling between the opponents, those who are having some issues, neglecting each other with
their friends, brothers, sisters, neighbors, coworkers work in the same place to Muslim brothers or
sisters in
		

			The community even though they're not blood related. So the Prophet salallahu Alaihe Salam said when
he was asked what do you face awfully on Mondays and Thursdays is that the days are being presented
before Allah. And he also said that on these two days Allah forgives the believers except the Moshe
Hainan when two people are not talking to each other, you like to use the word boycott and each
other that is two friends or two brothers. Remember a few episodes back who said the Almighty Allah
described the relationship between the couple as Han le bass who Lakhan were and Tom Lee Basler Han
you and I will men what is your hour before me? You know when we go swimming after we finish, you
		

			know from the Naval to the knees, right? Before you arrive there is no our what is the hour of your
wife before her own mom, likewise. But before you you can see the whole thing. The prophets Allah
Allah Salam and almost Elena the Prophet and our Isha and perhaps otherwise, the prophets of salaam
used to shower with his wife without any clothes. So it's okay. No one is as close to you as you
espouse. So in this case, you should not disclose your differences or share it with others,
especially if it is easy to overcome them and handle them shake. That's all very well, I mean, you
know, trying to resolve these issues within the home, but sometimes it gets so difficult that you
		

			need some outside help. So who should be the first person to be consulted in order to actually step
in and help you know the rashly that is prescribed in the Quran, John, because sometimes things go
out of hand. And they are on the verge of divorce. Why because they have a deadlock. Each one of
them is stuck to his view, or he has built up a case against the other unfortunately,
		

			or shaitan managed to mess up the relationship. And also another very terrible scenario is when the
families are not understanding that you know is going to lead to divorce. So the girl's family are
encouraging her to be harsh on him. You know, if he divorces you will find 100 other men to marry
you. You are beautiful and and he his family would say the same thing. That's why we do not share
our problems with anyone and with everyone. Not because they are related to us. Not because she's my
mom or his my dad or my sibling. Now, the Quran says in this regard in Surah Nisa, we're in fifth
chakra cover in HEMA forever how to hack amendment. Lee, will hack amendment earlier. Well in case
		

			that you guys fear it's come in to edit and a dispute may lead to divorce or separation or horror or
whatever. Then why don't you make another attempt? This is the last resort before divorce. If so,
how come I'm in agony. But the word hakam in Arabic is very deep. It's a lot deeper than mere
arbitrator. He is not here to deal with a personnel matter. He is here in the first place to
reconcile and also to examine the case if it is something easy, then he will reconcile. But if the
reason behind the discord is something major, like tree tree, she betrayed
		

			you know or he betrayed is having an affair, things of this nature, then they have to step in and
decide and give the ultimatum to the party who is mistaken and they have a full access to reconcile
or two separate goes first. And that's why the Almighty Allah subhanho wa Taala says in the same
area in you read us now. Hi North Aquila, hooba, in Houma. If they examine the case and they just
realize that there is a great possibility of reconciling, Allah will make it easy for them to
reconcile. And also because of their hokhmah the knowledge and their wisdom and their experience,
they know that it is okay to lie why reconciling, this is one of the other cases which I mentioned
		

			the Hadith earlier, the prophet Sallallahu Sallam has said in the Hadith which is narrated by uma
consume the Dora, of rock Magnemite the Messenger of Allah peace be upon him said, Les selca that
will let you use the hobo in the NASA you and me. So if a person is trying to reconcile, and he made
a
		

			statement in order to reconcile, so he's talking to the husband on a side and he says, You know
what? Your wife feels really sorry. And she says, Well, Allah He he's the best man ever. And I think
I've wronged him. She didn't say that.
		

			At, but he is fine to pave the road towards the conciliation. Is this permissible? Yes, that's
permissive. Then when the other party is talking to the wife, and he says, well, Allah, He, your
husband is a very nice man. And he speaks very highly of you. And he says, she is a woman Kawana she
pays she fast, and she's a woman, she's having the best of manners, even though all the time you sit
in complaining, he did not admire her at all. But in order to reconcile and bring them together and
closer to each other, and overcome what Satan have done, they made some lies, that is permissible
Subhanallah they're not going to be judged on these lies, because it's helping knowing them because
		

			this is for a good purpose, which is reconciling. Now talking about him as well. How can an early or
how come I'm in a hurry. I have seen some people, they go to marriage counselor,
		

			or to a psychologist, and they pay per hour then by minute sometimes in order to advise him haram
advices. So he says, Well, I guess you both need to take a break. Why don't each one of you try
another friendship? Like the wife tries a friendship with another man, and you try friendship with
another woman. If you go to a counselor who is not Muslim, then do not blame by yourself. You know?
		

			Psychologist once advised somebody who might know to smoke a pack of cigarettes every day. So that
extent so because they don't have the guidelines of Halal and Haram is so important you go into
righteous people, people will fall Hackerman and they understand You men are highly alike. Why is
Hackerman men Alia, if this is a case, and if they both intend well, and they find a case
reconcilable, Allah will make it easy for them to reconcile. So how can i is like someone wise,
someone who can actually understand the situation? Correct? He's not there to take revenge for the
person who he's representing. Yes, he is there to close the gap is there to reconcile that is the
		

			whole story.
		

			You know, sometimes I think this is often spinal, one of the areas where there is some some issues,
you know, you mentioned, sometimes you bring a family member for one side or family member than the
other. And their intentions are not really to get them back together, you know, maybe they have
personal problems with the spouse, etc. And they just, you know, and this is really sad chef,
because families are ruined like this, you know, so it's, it's important that the person who's
taking on this role, actually does it with a good intention, you know, to try to bring them
together, especially if there's children involved. Subhanallah, you know, for the sake of time, if I
		

			want to just take a very precious advice, as I believe, to the couple, make certain that you do not
share your problems and differences with people outside. Also, be careful with the evil eye,
sometimes a person unknowingly, they keep talking about how happy they are. And the woman shows, her
sisters, her cousins and her friends and colleagues at work. Look what my husband just bought me
look this watch, look, that dress, he just gave me that much. He bought me a car, whatever. And
he'll colleague, maybe she's having some very hard time with her husband, or she just got divorced.
So it is normal. I mean, it is not normal, from the point of view of halal and haram but it is
		

			expected that the other party may NVu for them. And hazard is a reality. And we'll say min Sheree
has it in either hazard. So you know, those things, those kinds of things. Keep it private, between
you and your husband, this isn't only to do with marriage, this is sort of everyday life as you know
what, you know, especially me and you we do travel a lot, you know, and a lot of the times people
wonder, you know, they, they would love to have, you know, to travel so much. And I always try to
downplay it, you know, to some some of my friends because, you know, subhanAllah we're not there to
make people jealous, you know, you know, you know whether it's work or whatever it may be, they
		

			don't know what you're doing. You know, here is one thing, many people now the social media and the
false profiles. The couple of posing together is kissing her. She's kissing him. It is our
anniversary, you look at Whoa, but that was son and look what my husband brought to me. Now let's
not just show it to one or two people. She has gone public on the social media. There are a lot of
people out there who I have nothing to do just to browse you
		

			profile and and view you have such a beautiful husband I wish he was mine or vice versa. No keep it
private and not share it with others. You cook the nice meal, why do you video it and show it to
everybody else? In order to avoid the evil I have to just before we finish I want to just quickly
mention this point, because of course it's not in every case but in some cases there is involved as
well.
		

			So of course, would you recommend sometimes try and rockier as well? In this instance because why
sometimes that person should do that was regular basis, you know should provide Rokia for his wife
and she provides Opia for him, and they on daily basis make Rokia for the children. You know this is
what the Prophet SAW Salem used to do to his grandsons Al has an orphan sign every day every night.
And the Prophet sallallahu sallam said, you know when a couple are having a serious problem, and
they just advise him to say we're heavy, maybe we'll have him. So I advised him to recite Surah Al
Baqarah at home. Oh, that's too much the whole Surah you're already drowning and you are on the
		

			verge of getting divorce. So you know the citation of Surah Al Baqarah. If there is shaitan will
kick it out. If there is a hurry, it will undo it. It will keep shaitan away from your house for
three days. Joseph locash acts upon great advice there.
		

			That's all we have time for thank you for joining us again chef and welcome Subhanallah for those of
you at home Subhan Allah this has been a very important episode, that we mustn't jump to divorce, we
mustn't jump to different things. We must try our best to reconcile these problems with it first
within the home. And then we can start to look at bringing other family members in to help us
because it's so important to save the family unit as well as the children as well. So please join us
next time for another episode of the thick of love a Solomonic consola Heba