DONATION APPEAL!

ALL our Projects are FREE and with no advertisements.

We serve millions of downloads a month... Now! Imagine earning on-going rewards of every lecture and quran audio and so on.

As well as helping us cover our running costs and future projects!

mufti menk image

"I really think this is one of the greatest causes one could support"

    Become a Patron
    Donate via PayPal

More Information and Options

Marriage Workshop – Session 4

share this pageShare Page
Muhammad ibn Adam al-Kawthari

Channel: Muhammad ibn Adam al-Kawthari

Episode Notes

Episode Transcript

© No part of this transcript may be copied or referenced or transmitted in any way whatsoever. Transcripts are auto-generated and thus will be be inaccurate. We are working on a system to allow volunteers to edit transcripts in a controlled system.


00:00:06--> 00:00:08

hamdulillah salat wa salam ala rasulillah.

00:00:09--> 00:00:13

inshallah, we'll take some q&a later on around 11 1314

00:00:14--> 00:00:19

an hour, we need to conclude at 12. So last 1520 minutes, we'll take questions.

00:00:21--> 00:00:42

Just announcement for the sister side that there's questions for both sides. But specifically with sister side that keep trying to keep the questions related to the topic, because the sisters have a special order if you go to the afternoon event or not, but there's a specific I have a talk for the woman, the sisters later on, and then there's a half an hour q&a session

00:00:44--> 00:00:52

that is taking place in Toronto, or something. So other than the topic of questions, then keep those questions for that time.

00:00:54--> 00:00:59

And even the brothers just try to keep the questions. Don't ask me about some Islamic banking.

00:01:01--> 00:01:09

We're talking about divorce, separation and marriage. And then someone says, Okay, can I buy this house, so try to keep it limited to the topic.

00:01:12--> 00:01:31

Now divorce and separation, this, the notes look longer, but written them in more detail. That's why until now it was just short bullet points. So it doesn't mean that we've got a lot more pages to cover. It's just that the notes from now have been written in more detail because they do require slightly explaining.

00:01:34--> 00:01:35

Because they require more explanation.

00:01:39--> 00:01:45

So this this, I need your attention now. Yeah, this next session is called good to learn.

00:01:46--> 00:01:48

A bit of as well.

00:01:50--> 00:01:55

First of all, number one, divorce in Arabic, what do we say?

00:01:57--> 00:02:00

What is it called? Palau? Yeah.

00:02:01--> 00:02:03

Everyone heard of the word Tanakh?

00:02:17--> 00:02:24

Divorce in Islam, you quoted somebody with this three words, this talaq? This Hola.

00:02:26--> 00:02:29

And then there's something called focus. Here are these words.

00:02:31--> 00:02:32

A lot of people get confused.

00:02:33--> 00:02:42

Dada, and hula are two separate things. And so many times, how do I get a hold up? I say what do you mean divorce? How do I get a divorce?

00:02:44--> 00:02:44

Like,

00:02:46--> 00:02:48

these are two separate things, brother, sister,

00:02:49--> 00:02:59

hold on something else. But are they something else. And first is something else altogether. Donna is when it's a normal divorce,

00:03:00--> 00:03:27

which is pronounced and given. hula is a specific type of divorce where a woman wants the divorce and the man is not given that. It's a divorce where she gives her dowry back or she buys a divorce. And they both agree on a set, like for the moment to pay and there's rules for that. Okay, you give me the dowry back or give me like $500. And I'll give you the divorce. So they both agree on a type of financial type that's called coda.

00:03:28--> 00:03:37

Rock is just normal. There's no such thing agreement like that. And number three is first and first is like cancellation dissolving of the marriage. This happens from Islamic court.

00:03:39--> 00:04:02

They just take the case and then they do first of Nygaard and they canceled the marriage. So I don't need to go into all the details of all of these three, but just here, divorce and separate first point to understand is divorce and separation is permitted in Islam, but only as a last resort, especially when children are involved. So the first point to remember is that sometimes some Muslims think that Allah is like

00:04:08--> 00:04:10

the messenger sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, he said

00:04:11--> 00:04:13

halali illa. Allah,

00:04:15--> 00:04:20

the most disliked of the halaal things still,

00:04:22--> 00:04:25

according to Allah, in the sight of Allah is

00:04:27--> 00:05:00

not Haram. It's not sinful. It's not evil. It's not bad. Like yesterday, I said, some profits, smiling peace be upon him at a divorce in his marriage. So this could, you know, practicing Muslim Sahaba How do people have undergone divorce it doesn't make you a bad person doesn't make you a cruel person doesn't in case in fact, in fact, in fact, in fact, what it makes you sometimes a better person, because you will learn from your mistakes. And this is another issue in our community that it's a taboo to marry someone who's been through

00:05:00--> 00:05:00

divorce.

00:05:02--> 00:05:15

Rather, you probably get a better person in marriage, someone who's been through a divorce, not always the case. In our community, someone has been divorced with a woman who most of a woman, like a woman who's divorced, like nobody wants to marry.

00:05:17--> 00:05:32

But even men like no Fathers will give their daughters to a man who's been married before he divorced very rarely. Unless like a divorce woman divorced, they have, they will marry one another, like

00:05:33--> 00:05:38

if one has not been through a divorce, and the other one's been through a divorce like highly unlikely

00:05:41--> 00:05:46

messengers, and he will send them all his wives that he married barwon

00:05:48--> 00:05:50

all widows who divorced women.

00:05:51--> 00:05:58

That's why he wasn't for his personal reasons. I wish there was a reason behind every single marriage.

00:05:59--> 00:06:01

Except one which wife

00:06:02--> 00:06:03

ratio.

00:06:06--> 00:06:08

Every other wife, widow divorce

00:06:09--> 00:06:11

was common in those days.

00:06:13--> 00:06:17

I actually think that people become better after divorce.

00:06:19--> 00:06:36

After they've been through an experience, they have been through like they've experienced it. And they know where not to make, what mistakes that they made, not to make those same mistakes. So divorce is hella permitted. It's not evil, it's not a taboo, it's not something that makes you evil.

00:06:38--> 00:06:51

Okay, so that's the first point we need to understand. However, it should only be used as a last resort, especially when children are involved. And I always mentioned this, especially when children are involved, because it's going to affect the children.

00:06:53--> 00:07:09

Don't be hasty in divorce. So you need to get the balance right. On one hand, people think divorce is what evil on the other hand, people like they think divorce is like, eating cookies. Like every other day. Every other you know, like just divorce Tim Hortons divorce, Tim Hortons.

00:07:12--> 00:07:13

You probably realize,

00:07:15--> 00:07:16

Oh, that's the only good thing you have

00:07:18--> 00:07:19

a better way to eat.

00:07:22--> 00:07:27

So it's something that you should use as a last resort.

00:07:29--> 00:07:59

What does that mean? Especially when children are involved if a couple have no choice, but to go their separate ways? So you as the last resort, what is it? What does that mean? As a last resort, I need your attention. It is a really important topic. That is one of the most important topics is finally give attention. As a last resort, you've tried everything. You've had counseling, you've given time, I seem to people sometimes Okay, give like six months that okay? We're going to try to improve our marriage. Okay.

00:08:00--> 00:08:29

first of July, until that we'll see. Is there any progress? Go and talk to people get involved, get some family members involved? Try to change your ways. Look at the reasons what, what's causing marriage problems. Try your utmost best, especially if you have children. If you don't have children, then it's slightly easy, okay. But if you have children, you don't want these children to be living in a way where their parents are separate effects that definitely affects them. So try your absolute best.

00:08:30--> 00:08:42

Once you've given everything in trying to save this marriage, you've tried your best then it is holla as a last resort, no problem. You can

00:08:43--> 00:08:52

if a couple have no choice but to go their separate ways. Then no problem but then look, they should do so

00:08:53--> 00:08:54

angry.

00:08:57--> 00:09:00

What does he say? Anyone reading these notes?

00:09:01--> 00:09:02

They should do so

00:09:03--> 00:09:07

loudly please. Is that Is anyone else in this room? Is it just me?

00:09:09--> 00:09:12

They should do so. pleasantly.

00:09:14--> 00:09:20

And what did you say in an amicable manner? I actually talked about this yesterday night.

00:09:26--> 00:09:49

On the screen is on the Quran says as follows Marotta for him sercombe marovo two three from the Exxon Valdez two times. After that keep hold on to the marriage and if you can't if you want the divorce, then make sure that divorce is with Exxon with excellence in an amicable manner as a human being as an animal.

00:09:51--> 00:09:56

I tell you one thing this you know the problem Look, listen to this carefully.

00:09:58--> 00:09:59

Our Islamic

00:10:00--> 00:10:08

divorce. And there's a Harlem crazy divorce as an Islamic divorce, and that is a

00:10:09--> 00:10:14

crazy mad maniac. People's divorce. Islamic divorce is what

00:10:16--> 00:10:19

it's carried out in xsan manner. Excellent.

00:10:21--> 00:10:57

You know, Islam says like I mentioned yesterday, a man should give a small parting gift to his wife on divorce. Just like Mother, mother is a gift welcome pack gift. Some of the wars is called Mother, you must have heard the word Buddha there's one motto which is that temporary marriage. That's another good other there's another thing called Buddha in the Quran. That Buddha is a small gift that the husband the the soon to be ex husband gives to his soon to be ex wife upon the termination of marriage.

00:10:59--> 00:11:01

So basically, what is an Islamic divorce?

00:11:02--> 00:11:15

Okay, it's not like oh, this is my last along with you. Sorry, it didn't work out. You know, I had false you had false Good luck for the future. We'll give you a better husband than me, inshallah. Best of wishes. If there's any children involved.

00:11:17--> 00:11:34

Problem, children, children's coming. And she says, Yeah, you can work out whatever the reason was, maybe my apologies are both faults, nine compatible or not compatible. They'll give you a good wife in the future. No hard feelings. I'm going Hutch, forgive me.

00:11:36--> 00:11:49

We ask only for forgiveness when you go home. This is a time to seek forgiveness. You've lived five years in a marriage, how much sins you might have committed? Because it's possible seek forgiveness at the time of the law.

00:11:51--> 00:12:04

seek forgiveness. Any hard feelings or may have shouted at you might have swore to or might have said something. forgiveness for the sake of the law. And then the husband the man says, Wait, wait a minute, here's a small gift.

00:12:07--> 00:12:23

Give a last case if you want to resolve before the law. I don't know that. They might say no, we're staying in the marriage. Okay. It doesn't have to be that much. But this is an Islamic divorce. And that gift is called Buddha and the Quran says help Madeira Muna.

00:12:24--> 00:12:35

This is not mentioned in some has some weak life. I do some narration of the Sahaba or something. This is I have the Quran gift. Madeira Island most people don't

00:12:38--> 00:12:39

have an island.

00:12:42--> 00:13:14

So Maha is a welcome gift with the parting gift. This is an Islamic divorce amicable divorce. So the point I was going to make here in terms of issue, but the point I want you to make was that you know one thing leads to another so you know the beginning part of this point that divorce is permitted only as a last resort. When people think that divorce is wrong. This is the this is the root cause why we don't have good Islamic divorces is because people think it's an evil link. When you think something's evil, then you have to

00:13:16--> 00:13:20

feel bad about it. You feel embarrassed about it. When you feel embarrassed about it.

00:13:22--> 00:13:24

You have to blame someone.

00:13:26--> 00:13:29

So in the community, the husband will blame

00:13:30--> 00:13:36

the wife the wife will blame the husband the husband's family will blame the wife's family

00:13:37--> 00:13:39

the husband was she was actually very very good

00:13:41--> 00:13:46

mother was the one the bad one she's pointed she was mother's boyfriend and she will say

00:13:48--> 00:13:53

he was okay but I think mother knows what state law you know she was she's the one who was pointed

00:13:55--> 00:14:12

they both point fingers both families point fingers at one another become lifelong enemies enemies you're supposed to be married to death do us part notes become enemies till death do us part until we don't die wish to be enemies.

00:14:13--> 00:14:25

Why they become enemies because they they thought divorce was heroin so when it was heroin that someone has to be blamed for this heroin evil that's taken place

00:14:26--> 00:14:42

you don't have to blame anyone for something nice you know food everyone eating who's going to who's going to blame for eating food? No, nobody it's a good thing. So therefore don't think it's a bad thing and if you don't think it's a bad thing there's no one there's no need to blame anybody just move on no one's to blame

00:14:45--> 00:14:48

you know when divorce takes place the community to so much corruption

00:14:50--> 00:14:53

Chitty chatty and so much you know do you know

00:14:55--> 00:14:59

mind your business so much Reba backbiting, Tilbury.

00:15:00--> 00:15:06

All major haraam since a Muslim is someone that the affairs of others don't concern

00:15:09--> 00:15:10

us.

00:15:11--> 00:15:37

We have our own faults, like we don't have time to talk about the faults of other people. Anyway, so that's the first point. Point number two. I've already mentioned it is wrong to start pointing fingers and play the blaming game. The Sharia encourages the husband to give the wife a departing gift known as what are number three. One of the greatest crimes is to use children as pawns. This is pa W. Ns. P before we were talking about pure RNs, this is

00:15:39--> 00:15:40

Paul warns

00:15:42--> 00:16:09

against one's ex spouse. This is one of the greatest around one of the greatest things whether it's the man or whether it's a woman, but in our day and age in the western, you know, knows of the Western countries it's because they favor the mother most therefore this can occur more so from the woman's side and from her family and seriously I've written about this I've talked about this.

00:16:10--> 00:16:56

One of the greatest sins Harmon crimes a woman or a man for that matter can you can commit ever regardless of how many family and how much long beards and scarves and Java niqab you wear if you are not letting your own children have any connection with their own mother or father than Susy. There's no benefit of one of the it's a major harm absolutely one of the greatest crimes ever. In Islam and in humanity non Muslims don't do that many of them never ever should there be a reason where you stop your children from having any connection with your ex took you to had a problem husband wife had a problem, but the problem wasn't between them.

00:16:58--> 00:17:04

Don't let your problems make them suffer. Every child needs a father and a mother

00:17:06--> 00:17:11

you might have you might have a problem with your with your ex. But that doesn't mean that you make your children suffer.

00:17:13--> 00:17:53

It's a major, major major harm. Yes, there may be some exceptional cases Now normally what happens look, one of the greatest crimes is to use children as pawns again, children need the love and care of both parents. They have done no wrong in missing out on one parent. Not only is this being unjust to your ex This is oppression on the children themselves. You are using their young children you're using the you be nice to children they will despise you when they're grown. I know so many cases. My mother did not let me have any contact with my dad and then when the when the boy was 25 years old he just he hated

00:17:55--> 00:17:58

absolutely hated because he found some reality afterwards or something.

00:18:00--> 00:18:01

People use excuses

00:18:03--> 00:18:04

that no is a bad man.

00:18:06--> 00:18:09

No first excuses is like the children don't want to see the father

00:18:10--> 00:18:13

you are influencing their mind yourself.

00:18:14--> 00:18:24

Half the time you should encourage them to look we are separating but you can see that goes too far we can go straight on there have some connections you need to do.

00:18:26--> 00:18:38

Normally they mind is full of a shape that the way they think it's all manipulation. The children can make a decision that I don't want to see my dad or I don't want to see it could be I don't want to see my mother.

00:18:40--> 00:18:45

It's because the other half the other side they are influencing them.

00:18:47--> 00:19:13

And number two, sometimes excuses like is very, very bad. Well, because you've had a divorce, that's what you're thinking is very bad, which is very bad. Let's have independent judge decide. Someone who let them decide take your case, is he an absolute mad, crazy alcoholic drugging that if your son goes to live there, he might just murder him in the middle of the night. Okay, and then of course, there should be no connection.

00:19:16--> 00:19:17

This is how long

00:19:19--> 00:19:29

brothers sisters, it's a major, major sin. And sadly, a lot of so called practicing Muslims are involved in this in the UK. It's huge.

00:19:30--> 00:19:46

They prefer temperatures the past everything they cover the way had some beers in the menu, carbs, jobs and everything in the mosques and everything. But when it comes to child custody after divorce, they will become crazy animals.

00:19:50--> 00:19:59

I have a very strong topic because I know so many so many families so many that have gone through this and it's really bad. It's I

00:20:00--> 00:20:02

Feeling for the children, they've done no wrong.

00:20:04--> 00:20:10

For a child who is deprived from a father, stepfather can be a real father

00:20:12--> 00:20:24

deprived from a father, a child growing up, or a mother, of course, both. But I'm saying because normally this happens, where the mother's family stops the child from seeing what

00:20:25--> 00:20:36

you might think is happening is playing around. You grew up without a father's love and care and attention. It doesn't make you the same human being seriously. Of course, there are exceptions.

00:20:37--> 00:20:53

But people need the love of their own both parents, a father and a mother. Does he happen sometimes hear that the father's side to this as well, like in England, it's mainly the women's side, but they don't let the child see the mother.

00:20:59--> 00:21:00

Night really bad.

00:21:03--> 00:21:08

luck, you know, give us guidance and protect us. It's not good. It's not good. It's oppression on the children. And so

00:21:10--> 00:21:24

anyway, moving on some depth of divorce. First point of prolonged separation does not result in automatic divorce. Some people think that if you've been separated for 20 years, automatically, you're divorced islamically, you're not divorced.

00:21:28--> 00:21:32

separation is not a divorce, you could be separated for 445 years.

00:21:36--> 00:22:03

For Divorce, Divorce to occur, there has to be a divorce to occur, how it will happen, we'll talk about it. So even if the couple were to remain separated for many years rather islamically Americans terminated by actual divorce, financial settlement in reverse. I talked about this in return for a divorce, which is called hora or annulment or cancellation or dissolving in a court which is called first.

00:22:05--> 00:22:08

So this is how it happens.

00:22:10--> 00:22:11

Number two,

00:22:17--> 00:22:18

this is now some rules.

00:22:20--> 00:22:39

Merely thinking about divorce or having basis misgivings was was about it does not constitute a divorce. Because remember the Americans divorce we'll talk about that next point. So if you just think about it in the mind, it is unresolved as long as one does not actually issue a divorce verbally or in writing.

00:22:40--> 00:22:41

A simple point.

00:22:43--> 00:22:54

Number three, obedience of parents. A lot of people ask this, do you have to obey your parents in divorce? No, you don't have to look, parents have one right which is absolute, which is respect.

00:22:56--> 00:23:12

regardless of whatever they command you to do, or regardless of whether they are Muslim or non Muslim, whether they tell you to command you to offer Salah or drink alcohol, or in Jehovah Allah to shake the marriage.

00:23:17--> 00:23:21

If they commit if they command you to leave Islam or commission or drink alcohol or whatever,

00:23:23--> 00:23:25

don't obey the law.

00:23:26--> 00:23:30

However, still Sahaba Huma dunia

00:23:31--> 00:23:36

still in the dunya treat them with honor and respect.

00:23:37--> 00:24:07

So the rights of parents which is respect is absolute. Regardless, you just have to honor them and respect them because they're your parents. But obedience is not always necessary. And there's a whole field of obedience. Sometimes obedience is followed. Sometimes. Sometimes it's true. Sometimes it's permissible, like it's your choice. You can obey them. You don't have to, it's up to you. Sometimes it's nice to have sometimes it's hard to tell you don't have to obey them. So when it comes to divorce, do you have to or not?

00:24:08--> 00:24:10

It depends on each situation.

00:24:11--> 00:24:12

knows this.

00:24:13--> 00:24:14

IDs

00:24:16--> 00:24:17

are not really long.

00:24:20--> 00:24:33

There's actually a whole book on I've actually written a whole article online, obedience to parents independent website many years ago, it's about 678 pages with all the evidences and the fifth rulings on the Hanafi Maliki shelf.

00:24:34--> 00:24:43

Do you read this very scenario? Do you have to obey your parents when they tell you to go for a divorce? so worthwhile reading that, but there's another book in Arabic as well.

00:24:46--> 00:24:46

Again, if you're

00:24:48--> 00:24:59

in Arabic, so it's a it's a topic of the line naramata was commanded by his father on top to divorce the wife korakuen scintillant property but

00:25:00--> 00:25:02

Many reasons, you know, somebody came to your mom and said, Look,

00:25:04--> 00:25:11

Amara commanded his son, and he accepted. So you have to obey your father.

00:25:14--> 00:25:17

So that emotion is every father like that. Another question

00:25:18--> 00:25:19

is every father.

00:25:20--> 00:26:01

So it depends why your parents sometimes it's just for their own reasons. Because they're not getting that breakfast in the morning from the mother in law, if she's telling you to divorce because she's not getting that breakfast in the morning. That's for his own reasons. So anyway, obedience of parents is one of the most important obligations and social injunctions of Islam. Parents deserve one's utmost respect. And the rights come up to the rights of a law of course, however, it is not always necessary to obey them when it comes to divorce. It is recommended and necessary, unnecessary, according to some moms, to obey one's parents only when they order divorce

00:26:01--> 00:26:25

out of genuine concerns, and not selfishness. So it is recommended if you determine that is for genuine concerns. It's not selfishness, it's not for their own personal reasons. they genuinely everyone knows you, as a child of a son, daughter, you will know that this is the genuinely and they mature and understanding. They're not just emotional, sometimes a genuine emotion.

00:26:27--> 00:26:49

Sometimes they are genuine, but they're not really thinking right? mature, the understanding, looking at everything properly. And then you realize that they are really giving me good advice that they think is best for me to divorce, then in that case, it is recommended according to most amounts, which is which means most to help, but still not follow the logic. And some other events, they said in that case to be watching.

00:26:50--> 00:27:30

This is also and then another condition provided that the Son himself does not fear being harmed or falling into another additional condition. So it's recommended to watch it but also subject to the condition that you yourself, you don't feel harmed like you don't feel you don't really want to do this, you think that look, I will listen to my father, mother. If I divorced my wife, then what will happen I'll be like so sad and stressed and anxiety. Now, that's harm to yourself. So now the recommendation is no longer recommended, provided you don't feel that you are you will be harmed, or you don't feel falling into the ground because you might think you're struggling soon after that. So

00:27:31--> 00:27:33

again, you shouldn't be divorcing.

00:27:34--> 00:27:36

This is the summary. And like I said,

00:27:38--> 00:27:44

moving on quickly. The next point is really important. The right to divorce has been given to men by the creator of men and women.

00:27:46--> 00:27:51

The Rite of divorce has been given to the men by the creator of men who didn't create women.

00:27:53--> 00:27:55

Women were created by God.

00:27:56--> 00:27:57

They were created

00:27:58--> 00:27:58

by God.

00:28:00--> 00:28:05

Due to many reasons and wisdoms like look, this point, I need to explain this, there's no time

00:28:06--> 00:28:08

this is a very important point to understand

00:28:13--> 00:28:14

islamically

00:28:16--> 00:28:19

and this is this point, I actually used as an example

00:28:20--> 00:28:32

to a lot of the students of sacred knowledge, people who are becoming like students and graduating as REM and ottimo and people who are studying in mothers. So whenever I talk to them

00:28:34--> 00:28:39

even when I was in New York, I gave a talk to all the students in the dollar room in New York.

00:28:41--> 00:28:43

I take this as an example.

00:28:45--> 00:28:48

The point I normally when I when I talk to students,

00:28:50--> 00:29:07

what I normally talk about the point is that as students try to learn the art of explaining difficult complex matters of Sharia to the masses. One thing is learning knowledge that some students hear.

00:29:09--> 00:29:32

One thing is seeking knowledge. The other is learn the art of how to explain difficult concepts difficult means people are not easy, ie the feminist movement or even some men women they are not able to digest. Now you could be just coming up with a mother as Oh, this isn't around No no, no. Okay, woman go in the kitchen and eat some biryani finish. Now like

00:29:35--> 00:29:37

that's a way of explaining things.

00:29:38--> 00:29:46

Look, you get two extremes. One extreme is when people become extremely liberal, they start changing the traditional understanding of the

00:29:47--> 00:29:49

students, students here

00:29:50--> 00:29:50

studying.

00:29:54--> 00:29:59

So sometimes it's very liberal, shall we say? Okay, Ron says what the new one

00:30:00--> 00:30:00

You know what?

00:30:02--> 00:30:10

Some people think that means travel with them go for a honeymoon to change the meaning or like completely changing the meanings of the Quran

00:30:11--> 00:30:14

and the other came of a madrasa

00:30:15--> 00:30:17

logo BTV

00:30:21--> 00:30:36

that's a wrong way and that's the wrong way. Stick to the traditional way even explain in a in a what in a modern context and that's the art. So I use that as a principal. As an example I use this example

00:30:37--> 00:30:45

examiner and the point is that in Islam we say divorces is nobody say in Islam it is mentioned the Quran

00:30:47--> 00:30:48

divorce is the right of the man.

00:30:51--> 00:31:09

Okay, now someone has just come off on my mother so I will just say okay, the women who say like oh no women no right no divorce husbands right? We are the only the man who said he was sorry sister, your sister you are born a woman I can't help it. Sorry. Man only gives the divorce in Islam.

00:31:12--> 00:31:21

On the liberal side is people who change this No, no, that was like medieval ruling. Even if you change the meanings of the Koran. No women give divorce as well.

00:31:22--> 00:31:23

And that's a woman can divorce.

00:31:25--> 00:31:32

Now somebody asked me this question once I was in a university is really important. And this how I explained it. This is important point.

00:31:33--> 00:31:43

There was a sister she I still remember an Italian sister. She was I think just she only embraced Islam like a few months to three months before.

00:31:44--> 00:31:45

So she wanted to understand.

00:31:47--> 00:32:00

So she said I don't get this in Islam is equal right? It's not fair. Why does a man have a right to give a divorce? Or even understanding is a very important point. Why does a man have a right to divorce and why doesn't a woman have a right to divorce?

00:32:01--> 00:32:05

I said to a sister who said Who told you that only a man has a right to divorce

00:32:06--> 00:32:14

because yeah, that's what the ruling Quran says everyone all the Muslims I've spoken to the man gives the Torah the woman say Salaam to the husband doesn't there's no divorce.

00:32:16--> 00:32:19

I said Who told you that? Because that's rulings? No.

00:32:23--> 00:32:29

It's not the traditional traditional traditional Islam you know of course Who told you only the man has the right to do this?

00:32:30--> 00:32:31

Now she's I think

00:32:33--> 00:32:36

then I explained to her I said look, in Islam,

00:32:37--> 00:32:51

the rite of divorce is given both to men and women. However, the method of giving divorce for men is different to the method of giving divorce to the woman

00:32:52--> 00:33:04

the man's way of divorcing is different to a woman's way of divorcing that's the only difference both have a right and rather rather the routing is more easy for a woman Why?

00:33:05--> 00:33:07

And what is the difference? The difference is this.

00:33:09--> 00:33:16

I wrote you know I said to her I explained to us it's actually so good for women that this is the method always

00:33:19--> 00:33:23

you understanding what I'm saying you are hungry and your brains are working.

00:33:24--> 00:33:26

What is how does a man divorce?

00:33:27--> 00:33:31

A man just by like a bit of angles is

00:33:32--> 00:33:36

done finish for ever. Your marriage has ended Colorado's

00:33:37--> 00:33:38

gone.

00:33:39--> 00:33:42

even by mistake. He says da

00:33:44--> 00:33:48

da da finish. It's gone. That's it.

00:33:49--> 00:33:55

A woman can say 200 million times two husband. Wake up, wake up. Breakfast.

00:33:56--> 00:34:02

lunch. Do this law centers of women give like 200 divorces the law kind of

00:34:07--> 00:34:09

upset. A lot of

00:34:10--> 00:34:30

men and women differently women, women, women like us were saying yesterday, emotional is it's the nature is the way they are emotionally. You know, women when you have to, you know it's normal. A woman goes through a monthly period that makes them more emotional. That's why the routing is different. Because they kind of excuse this is why there's no salon that time.

00:34:32--> 00:34:41

So even emotionally, the hormones change and that time they don't really mean when they say Tara, maybe they don't mean it, like our singers did half the time that will mean a lot of the things anyway.

00:34:42--> 00:34:54

But especially when on their periods, it will mean when they own the periods then husbands just don't worry. They don't mean any of the thing then let them finish and then think about it. So they might give you 200 times.

00:34:56--> 00:34:59

So I said to her Look, don't you I explained to the system. Do you know your order

00:35:00--> 00:35:30

Francisco's Yes. Do you get emotional she was very emotional. When I'm in my periods, like mine, like I get really like pains I get very my hormones all over the place. So I said a last reading favorite you bless you if you said by mistaken to husband the law, your marriage is gone Finnish. lucky to be your new state that I don't have to worry. Do you know how many men are depressed, not depressed, but like what's what's up hundreds of men who was was

00:35:31--> 00:35:33

I was sitting there. And if I said that

00:35:35--> 00:35:44

one slip of the tongue is gone. There are so much anxiety with sisters, this routine doesn't apply to you at all. Like you can say 4 billion times.

00:35:47--> 00:35:49

It just doesn't matter. Such.

00:35:51--> 00:35:55

Man just says it and it's gone, it's finished.

00:35:56--> 00:36:03

So that allows for a man is very easy, very easy, because a man is supposed to be more control over the situation.

00:36:05--> 00:36:08

But sadly, a lot of the men act as though they appear you know their periods.

00:36:11--> 00:36:16

That's what's happening in this day and age, a lot of men, the way they become emotional is like they're having periods.

00:36:18--> 00:36:20

It's crazy. Go crazy and

00:36:21--> 00:36:26

scratching his head. And what did I do What happened? So I asked women to go to meetings was it seven days.

00:36:27--> 00:36:28

So anyway,

00:36:30--> 00:36:35

so that's the difference. A man's way of giving up is very

00:36:37--> 00:37:17

easy. As far as women are concerned, women can also divorce. But their method and way and narrow manner is a bit longer. It's a bit, it's not easy, but it's not straightaway. So it's a good ruling, you don't have to worry by just saying it and then saying all you know change your mind. You don't have to worry, it's a slightly longer process. So if a woman wants a divorce, then first of all she tells us but insist with her the look is not working, you should write it down or say to me, you know, he will take and sister they will assist with him like or get someone involved, like Tell him to give the divorce. If not, then go to a like a council or arbitrator or Sharia Council, get the

00:37:17--> 00:37:36

marriage or Hold on, I can give you my back. And if even that doesn't work, then you can go to an Islamic council or a party or a quote and this way you do first putnika. So it takes like three, four months, for a manager takes three seconds. For a woman it takes three months. And that's the only difference. And it's easier that it takes three months to use you makes you think within three months.

00:37:37--> 00:37:42

This is what Islam says the way a woman gives her the rose is different.

00:37:44--> 00:37:51

And the easier routing is for women here, multiple men even though it sounds like it's easier for men, it's not easy, it's actually so much responsibility.

00:37:55--> 00:38:12

So this is the meaning of the right to divorce. This does not mean in any way mean the husband may abuse his rights and harm and mistreat his wife without giving any means to end the marriage, etc. And then after that, number five, I'll just give you the summary. And then you can read it yourself.

00:38:13--> 00:38:41

This is mainly for men. And there's less men here today. So we can just leave it because this is this rule you don't have. You need to learn about it because you need to know what your husband said to you. But you just realize that a woman can say anything and that's not divorce. So this rule of what you set with your mouth only applies to a man. So this when we have divorce is of like there's two types of words one when the man says a clear word by law or divorce.

00:38:42--> 00:38:53

Okay with that, look, there's two types of divorces. You have one divorce, listen to this carefully. It's called revoke, double divorce, revoke, read.

00:38:54--> 00:38:55

reversible.

00:38:57--> 00:39:00

When a man says to his wife

00:39:02--> 00:39:02

what happens?

00:39:04--> 00:39:14

What happens? One revoke double divorce comes into existence. What does that mean? She starts the waiting period.

00:39:15--> 00:39:16

She starts

00:39:18--> 00:39:18

I believe

00:39:26--> 00:39:30

this is important. I know it's a bit heavy, but we're gonna take questions I need I need some.

00:39:32--> 00:39:37

A man gives you what to do. He says he locked his wife. What happens?

00:39:39--> 00:39:43

One divorce, reversible divorce. And

00:39:45--> 00:39:56

in that because it's a reversible. The man can take back, Lenovo's can just say I cancel it or they can be intimate and he gets cancelled within the

00:39:57--> 00:39:59

industry menstrual periods as well.

00:40:00--> 00:40:15

Read, he can cancel it. Once he cancels and he doesn't have to do new new, they don't have to do a new new car has just cancelled once it's cancelled back husband wives again. But remember, it's canceled but not forgotten. So now you've only got two more left.

00:40:16--> 00:40:18

It's like you've got a gunman three bullets

00:40:19--> 00:40:20

lonely

00:40:21--> 00:40:25

because I just said you need to give a gift and without the divorce not worried.

00:40:26--> 00:40:31

Three kicks. So you've given one cake, you got two more cakes left.

00:40:34--> 00:41:11

So though you won't get back to three, you only have two more left. If after two years, the man said again that out. One reversible divorce. Again, the anger starts. As soon as it starts within. You want to get back together to say I've taken it to back I've canceled it or just kiss one another and that's it finished. But you only have one left after that. If you don't do that in the render period, you don't take each in the back. Then what happens when the finishes marriage comes to a complete end. But even after that, if you want to get back together you can do so but this time you will have to do what

00:41:12--> 00:41:19

a unique, you have to get married again. So in the period, you just say I take you back and after that.

00:41:21--> 00:41:33

And unica remember all of this is until he doesn't reach How many? Three. So in your life, your marriage life, it's happened once in a while callback or after you do the new

00:41:34--> 00:42:22

one God. After four years. The man gave another dollar, whether he wrote it or sell it verbally. Within a day he took it back after a new deca to God. That's it. No One No. Two chances finishing now ever in the future. The third one when the man says the law fish terminated for ever. There's no taking back now there's no the editor will start your content go back up to Ida and after you can't get married again. That's it. Once the three divorces occurred, marriage is completely over. This is called Allah, Allah. This is why we need to remember that look, a lot of people make a mistake lot of Muslims. This is a common mistake I've seen when the Muslims, people think that in Islam, you

00:42:22--> 00:42:26

have to give three blocks who said that is actually herranz cusabo.

00:42:27--> 00:42:27

You have

00:42:30--> 00:43:03

the sinful acquittal everyone is to give three divorces, one does the same job. Why are you being so generous, I'm giving three cakes, one cake does the same job of three cakes. You don't need to never ever, ever, ever in your marriage, bring the word return out, there's no need for it. The same job is done by one block you give even if you never want to get back together again, don't just give one letter at the finish. Once the reader finishes it's completely over chicken medicine worlds you marry someone else finished.

00:43:05--> 00:43:12

One does the exact same job three should never be used. It's actually a major how long to give three columns together.

00:43:14--> 00:43:34

So these are some of the rules here. And then there's this Can I can even that. So this number five number six is basically explain this the most preferred method. And you know you can read it, it's quite detailed, written. And then number seven automation when divorced is the same Java three divorces.

00:43:35--> 00:43:41

Number eight speech and verbal utterance is not a condition. So look, the man doesn't have to say verbally It can also be in writing.

00:43:42--> 00:44:02

So he writes it text messages, sends it an email, whatever. You don't even need witnesses. Raw occurs, he looks so this is such a difficult ruling for a man. Whether he is angry, not angry, whether his witnesses are there, no witnesses are there. Your wife doesn't even have to be in your presence and you can give

00:44:03--> 00:44:12

the man just sitting at home and he says her name or he talks to his friend and he says you know what? I'm giving my wife such and such one Tara.

00:44:14--> 00:44:21

Even if he spoke to himself, his friend wasn't there. As long as he said that his to his wife, if he said I'm giving this phone

00:44:24--> 00:44:25

but if he said his wife

00:44:27--> 00:44:28

by himself, then

00:44:30--> 00:44:36

sometimes he's just thinking how bad she's daydreaming. Okay, I give the wife

00:44:38--> 00:44:42

is a very difficult situation we learn the form of divorce in more detail

00:44:43--> 00:44:46

when the law will be done. So

00:44:47--> 00:44:59

it can it's also in writing. Number nine, it's about legal code. Now I'll just give you the summary of this. But you know, a legal divorce can be an Islamic divorce and sometimes you may not be

00:45:00--> 00:45:39

Depends how it's done. So if, for example, the man files for the divorce will remember because the man has that right deck first right to divorce. So if you filed for the divorce, and the court goes ahead and counselor and makes the divorce occur happen that islamically they'll also be divorced. If the woman filed for the divorce, and the husband signed an agreement, again, two minutes long divorce. But if sometimes the court without the man's consent, goes ahead and gives a divorce, and he says no, and doesn't sign it, nothing will not be an Islamic divorce, it may be illegal in Islamic, you need another Islamic law for the man to sort of sign or agree or sate. And if he

00:45:39--> 00:45:41

doesn't, then you just go to an Islamic court and

00:45:43--> 00:46:04

having witnesses is not prerequisite, like I said, number 10. Number 11. The waiting period is obligatory for the woman observe it fully and not take it lightly. It's actually a lot of people think that eight days only to see whether you're pregnant or not. That's not the only wisdom and reason there are many reasons you can be separated for 14 years and you cannot allow you still have to do

00:46:07--> 00:46:12

that it's for many wisdoms. It's a hikmah. Allah knows best. But there's many things like it happens

00:46:14--> 00:46:24

when you get divorced, you have to do it. What is done three complete menstrual cycles. That's why it's recommended for the man to give the locked when

00:46:26--> 00:46:26

when

00:46:29--> 00:46:58

just before periods to make the idea as less as possible, just a couple of days. So the first menstrual period, alright, then purity, then the second menstrual period, then purity. Then the third one, the third one ends, and she takes a bath. That's when it's complete. So that's the duration what happens in Erica, would you cry all day long, no.

00:47:00--> 00:47:01

be sad all day long. No,

00:47:03--> 00:47:19

not eat pizzas and Tim Hortons. No, you can do anything and everything, no problem, what you can't do. Number one, you can't talk about marriage and take proper proposals. And you know, you can't engage marital folk with someone else. Number two,

00:47:20--> 00:48:00

you can remain clean, you don't have to have black clothes and all that stuff, you remain clean everything be, you know, pleasant, all of that. But do not over adorn yourself. So you know, makeup and all of that. And number three is like you need to stay at home as much as possible. While it's fun as much as possible, you really need to stay at home, unless there's a real need for you to go outside. Now, there's details about that whether you're working or working. If you can take time off, you should try to you know, there's rules about that. So that's what it is. And the husband is financially responsible to pay what you should be paying before and then you know, when you say the

00:48:00--> 00:48:03

husband is financially responsible, have them not paying when they're married anyways.

00:48:06--> 00:48:07

But they're responsible.

00:48:14--> 00:48:15

It looks like

00:48:18--> 00:48:19

okay, sorry.

00:48:22--> 00:48:32

Number 11. Number 12. Last point 12 and 1313. I've already covered what's number 12? Helena halala. Have you heard of this halala

00:48:34--> 00:48:42

completely miss understood concept of Shariati which makes Islam a mockery in front of non Muslims.

00:48:45--> 00:49:01

halala the general misconception is that marrying another man halala is a solution provided by Sharia in order for the husband and wife to get back together after three divorces. This is totally utterly incorrect. Once three divorces are pronounced the marriage is over forever. Get over it.

00:49:02--> 00:49:15

Get over it. There is no getting together again. Hana is not a solution. After three divorces finish, you are allowed mania you will be given you three chances.

00:49:16--> 00:49:21

That's why take time you know the first divorce happens after five years of thinking.

00:49:23--> 00:49:25

A man who doesn't have periods

00:49:27--> 00:49:59

a man who has menstrual periods, then he'll probably just get back together but if it is a man who doesn't go through menstrual periods, it will take you back a year to give you know after so much thought and deliberation issue one divorce, then maybe a second after years. So so it's not like crazy like it's got menstrual periods now. After three. The marriage is completely over. There is no solution in Islam. A lot of people ask, what should we do now? That's a good

00:50:00--> 00:50:01

Get married somewhere else.

00:50:03--> 00:50:07

You don't even have to be divorced. So what's the solution? I said, Okay, I'll try to look for someone who

00:50:09--> 00:50:30

has the solution to have to move on. There is no solution. Now, this marriage is gone, finished, ended whatever in a Yama, Yama. Maybe in the next level, if you want to agenda, Indonesian marriage is finished. Then they say to me, but I've heard something called halala.

00:50:33--> 00:50:33

Who told you about that?

00:50:36--> 00:50:38

What is your Allah? The Quran says.

00:50:41--> 00:50:59

So what Haggadah basically is that if there was a man and a woman, husband, wife, they were married, and they went through a divorce. Coincidentally, they divorced because of problems in marriage. They both took that as a final decision. She performed her observed,

00:51:00--> 00:51:07

he moved on, she moved on. Then she afterwards coincidentally married another man

00:51:08--> 00:51:24

with the intention of staying in a marriage. Some problems occurred there. And coincidentally, that marriage also ended. And then she observed their enter in that marriage. And then coincidentally, the first husband he also got married someone something happened.

00:51:26--> 00:51:27

I think they both

00:51:28--> 00:51:31

thought the marriages were bad, but they were both the second marriage a little like the first one.

00:51:33--> 00:51:36

Just randomly to send a message. I heard that you got divorced again.

00:51:37--> 00:51:52

Would you ever think about like, let's get back together, then they can re marry. So there's another marriage in the middle, then you marry as a new couple and then like 123 starts fresh. It's like,

00:51:53--> 00:51:55

this is the meaning of hotter than

00:51:57--> 00:52:13

what some Muslims have done. They've made what I just explained to you as what you divorce your wife three times. You can find someone going to America, my wife, have sex with her one night. Give it up next morning. Give her back to me in the North America.

00:52:15--> 00:52:20

That's crazy, lad. Allahu Allah. Hi, Lila no

00:52:21--> 00:52:27

last curses the one on the one who arranges holla some religious people actually.

00:52:29--> 00:52:33

Really bad. So called imaams is called so called.

00:52:34--> 00:52:40

They actually have a lot of companies. Like this is one person I found out. So

00:52:41--> 00:52:45

learn at a knowledgeable person that people don't know who's a scholar was not a scholar

00:52:47--> 00:52:52

is basically he's got a service of different women getting divorced from their husbands like Come with me, like I can

00:52:53--> 00:52:55

give you divorce. They can go back to your

00:52:57--> 00:52:57

house.

00:52:59--> 00:53:24

It's crazy. There was a BBC had a whole documentary on this a while back, and I actually spoke to the BBC piece as well on this is like How can any is mockery making Islamic democracy like you know, divorcing your wife making a marriage someone else and getting to sleep with somebody else? Because you have to have sexual relations. The second marriage, sexual relations must occur otherwise, you can go back to the first

00:53:25--> 00:53:28

How can you in a man think that okay, like I would rather say like,

00:53:30--> 00:53:32

you know, you're arranging for her to sleep with someone else.

00:53:33--> 00:53:39

So halala the only meaning of Hana unexplainable of the studio is written.

00:53:40--> 00:54:25

Okay, last point child custody, I've already talked about it just read this the details of child custody. But basically, point is that do not do not prevent your other your ex from having any connection, which is a major harm. We'll talk about that. And then some rules are when a child is younger, the mother has a right of custody when the child is until 910 years of age, mother has a right after 10 years of age and the father's right this is the Islamic rule. But people can mutually agree in a different way this is not necessary. Best thing is have a human amicable divorce, discuss it and just decide on like, okay, visit we can or after every three weeks, we'll come and stay with

00:54:25--> 00:54:30

the Father, you can keep during the weekdays just have a nice amicable sort of

00:54:32--> 00:54:33

agreement of

00:54:35--> 00:54:36

both parents keeping the children.

00:54:38--> 00:54:55

But if there's a dispute, then this is the Islamic way that the child until 10 stays with the mother and then after 10 stays with the Father. So these are the Islamic rules on child custody. You can read them as much how much time is over and above. We just take some quick few questions. It's 12 o'clock.