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How To Be An Outstanding Husband And Wife

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Muhammad Alshareef

Channel: Muhammad Alshareef

Episode Notes

Sheikh Muhammad AlShareef shares with his listeners many pearls of wisdom in this lecture. The target audience is, of course, Muslim brothers. But this lecture is incredibly beneficial for sisters as well. There is a great deal of insight that both husbands and wives can benefit from. It is comprised of a series of techniques that the Sheikh offers to husbands (and future husbands) on how to please one’s wife and insha’Allah become an ideal husband. The techniques offered are all-encompassing, and the main source of evidence for these techniques is the seerah of Rasoolallah (s). Many touching and heart-warming ahadith are mentioned about the Prophet’s (s) interactions with his wives, with many priceless lessons to be learned from these.

Episode Transcript

© No part of this transcript may be copied or referenced or transmitted in any way whatsoever. Transcripts are auto-generated and thus will be be inaccurate. We are working on a system to allow volunteers to edit transcripts in a controlled system.


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elearn rush audio presents How to be an outstanding husband by Mohammed Al Sharif

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Bismillah Alhamdulillah wa salatu salam ala rasulillah. While early he will be he will Manuela ameba.

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inshallah, to begin like to start off with, with a story kind of like a warm up to the discussion on how to be a good Muslim husband, this lecture inshallah, if you can understand the Arabic This lecture is pretty much based on the tape by Abraham and Dewey's, which is entitled an atomic mazaya it's like the science of dealing with one's wife. And it's also another good tape that a person should refer to, in this topic in the Arabic language is a reseller LLR Hussein, that like a letter to the to, you know, the bride and the bride groom by shift side even Mossville half either home or larger Mian and also a nice book to buy in, which is translated in English is called chocolatey

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latos. I'm not sure how he translates it in English, but I think he translate it to the effect of the gym or the bride's gym or something like that referred to latos It's available in English.

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chefs

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are happy to holla because the Hadith of the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam in which he says, Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said, Rahim Allah who Romulan comma minute ln Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said me the mercy and he's making da here. He says, may the mercy of Allah subhanho wa Taala be upon a man who gets up to pray at night.

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And then when he gets up to pray, what a call to Allah, and he goes and wakes up his wife to pray with him for a bit now but had few words she hadn't met. And if she refuses or says give me another five minutes you know, trying to push her husband away from waking up that he would take some water and sprinkle it in her face and to wake her up to pray with him Pam lane and the prophets of the light is cinnamon is praying for this man Rahim Allah and, and like we said, this is how to be a good Muslim husband. A lot of times it's the woman that wakes up for family. And she's the one who's waking up her husband, the prophets have a lot to send him said, well, Rahim Allah who attend, and

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may the mercy of Allah be upon a Muslim woman who wakes up to pray, Pamela wakes up

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to pray, what a puppet soldier, and she wakes up her husband for in Abba. And if he you know, refuses, he says, Give me you know, give me some time, let me sleep, that she takes some water and sprinkles it in his face and not, you know, take like a jug of water and dump it on his face. But she sprinkles or I know like my mother would do, she would wet her hand. And then and then she would wipe my face with her with her wet hand to bring you know, bring that feeling back to the person.

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This woman like the shift says that on on their on their wedding night that after you know after the wedding, and they had gone back and they had spent their time together. They both went to sleep. And then late at night, and this is the husband speaking he said I was sleeping in the deepest sleep and all of a sudden, some water flashed in my face, you know, and it was like ice cold water and they have air conditioning on. It's like ice cold water. And he and he woke up shocked. And he looked at his wife. And you know, the anger started to boil in his heart and he's about to get angry. And just as he was about to get angry. The wife said, Rahim Allah home rotten calm a minute late that made

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the mercy of Allah, the prophets of Allah a sentence taught me the mercy of Allah be upon a Muslim woman who stands up to pray at night. And when her husband, you know, refuses to wake up that she splashes water in his face. And he said as soon as she said that, it was as if all the anger, you know, just settled down. And he got up and he prayed with her. And he said after that throughout their marriage, that every night they would, you know, have like a race to see who could wake up first so that they could sprinkle water in the other person's face and that they would pray family together.

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One of our teachers in

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Medina Manoa and the University of Medina whenever you know they will have discussion there will always be you know, students raising their hands can I go to the bathroom and like you'll see in the universities here students getting up and leaving the class and no one ever participating in the question and answers and so on. And so one day he came to flip clinica the the flip of marriages and then and then they came some touchy a Heidi, and then all of a sudden all the brothers started raising their hands and asking really sticky questions you know on the ship was getting embarrassed.

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to answer some of the question he goes, What's wrong with you people? Like goes there's only there's two topics, that if the topic is about these two topics, that you can keep the people quiet that the the questions will keep coming. And he said marriage and you care. And does someone know the second one?

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No, not allow. Well, that's pretty much with you know, my The other one is Jin's, he said if some people if they started topic about jeans, you can stay here till three o'clock in the morning telling gene stories that no one will get tired of hearing about the jeans, you know, a lot of people, maybe some brothers, their wives forced them to come to this lecture, and inshallah maybe in the future, we'll be having a lecture on how to be a good Muslim wife. So inshallah you can force your wife to come and hear part two of the lecture. But a lot of these lectures is not meant to be a bashing of the brothers. And it's not meant if there's another lecture about being a good Muslim

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life is not meant to bash them and and attack them for the things they do. But it's something that when a person sits back and stop thinking about the other party, stop thinking about their wife and the wife, stop thinking about her husband, but everybody needs to turn that focus and look back at themselves. And and sit down and sincerely think that no, you know, my wife is going to use this against me and think like that he shouldn't should put that aside. But he should now make his connection with Allah subhana wa tada and see, am I following the sin of Rasulullah Samadhi? Or am I practicing the headier the guidance of the prophets of Allah honey? So looking just on yourself, and

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fearing Allah subhanho wa Taala.

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And indeed, when it comes to where should we get our guidance from the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said in his final days on this earth, He said Tara to feed on Shane, he said, I've left behind two things. lentil below bada Houma man, Temasek from Bahama, that you won't be misguided after these two things, so long as you hold on to these two Kitab Allah was sitting at the book of Allah and my son. And in fact, in this doesn't just apply to Phillip, or leadership, but it applies even to a person's marriage and how to deal with one's wife and how a wife should deal with their husband. Because the person will not be misguided, so long as he holds on to the sun. And you'll see

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even in in the chapter of Paula, that the companion will say that they have this this issue of someone saying that I divorced my wife three times whether it's once or whether it's it's counted as three, the companion would say that nobody that follows the Sunnah when, when divorcing a wife, meaning that wait for her divorce, and then wait for the second part, then worse, someone really follows the son, not kicking his wife out of the house and so on, follows the son in the divorce, he will never be sad after the divorce, there will never be any regrets. Because if it really reaches that end stage, he followed the complete sin in how to divorce his wife. When the divorce happens,

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he would never say Oh, I wish I hadn't divorced, it was really at that stage where the divorce had to happen.

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And so from the starting point of Al kitabi, was sin. And so no one would say that this is what I'm saying. This is what the brothers want to say, or this is what this is trying to say. This is what Alan is messenger sallallahu alayhi wasallam. Say, in accordance to this topic,

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you'll see many brothers complaining about their situations with their wives. And here are some quotes of some of the things that the men or the Muslim husbands would say, quote, husband says, Where is the peace and tranquility that comes with marriage. I've never felt any peace and tranquility in my marriage. Another brother would say that I can't stand my wife anymore. I just, I can't take her anymore. A third brother will say that she's never home and that she's always out somewhere or she's always visiting someone, but I never find her in the house. And another brother would say that she's exhausted me with all her purchases and all her expenses. Another brother would

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say that I'm stuck. I'm tired of her staying away from me and denying me herself at night. And another brother would say I never see that beauty that she once had, except when there's a party going on. Or there's a gathering that she dresses up only for that gathering. Another brother would say that she doesn't care for the children and she doesn't raise them properly. Another brother would say she doesn't care for me and doesn't think that I have feelings too. And another brother would say I've never heard her say something nice to me about that. I've never heard her say something nice to me. It brings the story of one brother when he was sleeping in the morning in the

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morning. You know there's a there's like a mug, a coffee mug and it has like a picture and it's

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about

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A woman and it says that I don't do mornings. Maybe some I don't do mornings, meaning I don't work in the morning, this brother would say that in the mornings that he's never heard his wife say anything good in the morning. And he says when he said, I've never heard her something good One morning, he had done something at night prepared something for his wife. And then in the morning, she woke up. And while he was sleeping, she said, jazak, Allah, hi, Ron. And the brother was shocked that she had said, jazak Allah, hi, Anna, because in the mornings, he never ever heard anything good from his wife. And then he said that, in that morning, I felt as if I was dreaming, that I still

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hadn't woken up. And I was shocked that this that these words had come from my wife.

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And you'll see in all these quotes, and this happens, if you were to, these are all the men's, if you were to take their situation, you will see that everybody's blaming the wife, again, it's always a focus on the wife, and the wife does this and the wife that this is always the wife's fault. And I tell you, if you take these exact same men, and get the quotes from their wives, you will see and read that the all the fault is on the on the husband's side, that it says my husband does this, this and that, my husband does that, you'll see the exact opposite on the other side. And it's actually like a bias. And in fact, sometimes when I hear she was commenting on on what the wives say that you

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have to hear both sides and always in dealing the prophets of the law, they sent him said that if someone is to judge, that he doesn't judge between two people, until he brings both of them in front of in front of him and listens to both sides. And that would be a cloud, his biggest mistake is to hear one side of the story and and make a ruling based on that. And so it never in these kind of issues is it just you take one side, and then all this hatred goes for the other party. But in fact, you will see in a lot of these.

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In a lot of these situations, it needs to be a reflection, or it needs to be a focus on the keytab persona. And everybody like we said before, needs to focus on themselves, and needs to look back and forget that their wife is going to use this against them or that the or the or the opposite, but needs to look at themselves and see this and see how they measure up to this and fear of loss upon wattana. Now, as the state of the Muslims that we're living in, you'll see that there's a sweeping ignorance happening and that that a lot of people are ignorant of their Deen.

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We don't see like the repercussions of this until you start looking deeply into, you know, some of the problems that are happening when I'm Muslim. I know some people they don't want to study Islam, they'd rather go to say, like a Western University study philosophy, because they want to learn how to refute. These are these incorrect philosophies. But really, that person's like his brain. If you were to draw it, it would be like an empty circle with knowledge of Islam. And Islam, gives him the keys or gives him the tools to dissect and be able to refute those philosophies. But this person is saying that I don't want to study something, I want to go into this field so that I can refute him,

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that person doesn't have the tools to refute those those comments, he doesn't have their end to do that. And a lot of people because they don't have any knowledge of the keytab Center just as a simple matter that a lot of people you ask how many people know Quranic Arabic, right? You'll see how many of you don't even know how to read the Quran. And on top of that, if they knew how to read Quran, how many of them understand the Quran. And you can say that the the percentage is very, very small, even people that know Arabic that they've never, they don't open the Quran amongst like, Arabic youth and so on. They don't open the Quran, they don't learn it. And then on top of that, you

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will ask them how many, you know, books of Hadith are there have they ever opened a book of Hadith in their life? And the answer is no. They have no idea about what goes on in the Sunnah of Rasulullah sallallahu. So these people, and they're graduating, they're getting older and they're getting married. And now they're entering this marriage with no knowledge of the Quran and Sunnah. With no knowledge, where are they getting their app data from? They're getting it from the television sets. Where do they learn about how to be a husband they learned from the soap operas? The soap opera is that instead of being in a Masjid learning Quran two hours a day, all throughout

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their youth, they spent maybe two hours a day on soap operas. And watching television at night, not two hours. In fact, the number might be more like six hours, spending, you know their entire nights with their face down on on a pillow looking at the television, as

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when we left Canada, my wife was telling me that there was a there was a family there that that there boy when when she was leaving the house that that boy was sitting in front of the television set. He was

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sitting on the couch with his, you know, sitting on his stomach looking at the television like this, he didn't even get up to say cinema. But he was just sitting there staring like a zombie at the television set, she said that we came back like six years later to that city. And when she entered the house, the boy was sitting there, with his hands on his cheeks staring at the television, like a zombie only had gotten bigger, right for the city, the lapse of time, six years. But he had gotten bigger, but he was still just like, as if that boy was sitting there for six years looking at that television set and absorbing and don't think that they're not absorbing what comes from the

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television set. There are PETA is coming. To give you an example of this Arpita that I'm talking about that a person learns from the television set. I remember, I remember once these two brothers getting to a fight. And during that fight, the brother made a statement, he said, You know, this is a free country, I can do what I want. He was in Saudi Arabia, so he doesn't know what country is in. But he said, this is a free country, I can do what I want. And then I said like that statement, I think there's maybe even a television show called it's a free country or something that is a it's a statement that everybody says, and he had just he doesn't even know what he said, It has nothing to

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do with the situation. But he's just saying it's a free country, meaning that he had absorbed that and, and sucked in that kind of operated from the television. And now when he gets into a fight, or something, that that he he hits back in those those leaders, those things he believes in, comes out. Another example of that is if you give giving lectures about different topics, normally people don't say anything about it, until you come to the issue of you know, Muslim women in Islam. And then you'll see all you know, the students raising their hand. Well, I don't agree with you on this, and I don't agree with you on that. I like to comment on this. But all their comments, all the comments

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are not coming from Quran and Sunnah. They're coming from the television sets, and they're coming from I know, like, in Canada, the whole curriculum in high school was was pro feminist. And they took out all the old novels that they would teach us in English class, and replace them all with female authors, all the novels were female authors talking about female heroes in the story, the hero is talking about female heroes, and so on, because and they were pumping this and in Canada, it's very, you know, strong that they would talk about that, but just to show you, that the youth, they just absorb this from all the media around them. And then when it comes time, when they have to

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bring out and fall back on the knowledge that they have, they fall back on Al Qaeda, that they learn from the soap operas, and, and movies and, and you name it, the different media that they get

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at a conference that I went to Once there was a lecture, there's parallel lectures, and one of them was about was about Islamic schools, and how to establish Islamic schools. And the other lecture was about family problems. Okay. The lecture that was about Islamic school was, you know, there was even a lecture before that was highly, you know, attended, and everybody just left at the end of that lecture. And there is about 12 people in a huge room. And about 12 people that actually cared about Islamic schools, the family problems, lecture was packed out, right, and it was full, and there's people waiting outside, and that, you know, standing room only, and so on. And then in our lecture,

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they're saying that it's interesting that all these people have these family problems. They're coming into these family problem lectures, because 12 years ago, or 10 years ago, a decade ago, they didn't care about the Islamic school lectures, and even till today, they don't really care about the Islamic school lectures. But had they educated themselves and cared about raising their youth 10 years ago, there would be less people attending the family problem lectures, because that's what happens when these people grow up with no knowledge of the Quran and Sunnah. And then they get into these marriages, always based on looks on looks, that they don't care about a person's Deen, it has

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to be the looks. And once they get that looks, oh, it's okay. If she doesn't wear hijab, or it's okay, if she I'll let that go. But I'm just going to get married for the looks, then the looks, they change, and you're left with the woman's color, and she's left with your color. And then now you have to live with her character. And that's how the problems then can come forward.

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The principle that we have to understand in this and how to how to be a good Muslim husband, and now we're talking specifically about dealing with your wife and in fact dealing with everyone in the world. The Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said, could look

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at all this all the children of Adam khulumani Adam, a hopper that all the children of Adam, make mistakes. Hopper, a person who makes

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many mistakes is always faulty and always imperfect, could loop any other macapa. There is nobody that is that comes out of that could do that, that everybody, everybody makes mistakes. And believe me, the husband is one of those human beings. And the wife is one of those human beings, well, hiral hopper in Taiwan, and that the best of those people who makes mistakes, is the one who repents the most, the one who asks Allah subhanaw taala, to forgive them the most. And so if you imagine if there's only one thing shall remind you at the end of the lecture, but if there's only one thing that you remember in this lecture, is that when you see your wife doing something wrong to remember

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this, or if the wife sees your husband doing something wrong, khulumani Adam hapa, that every state of Adam makes mistakes, and they're not perfect. And the best one is those who are pence the most.

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And a Buddha bought the Allahu taala Han who he said something to his wife. And this is another model that we learn here. He says either a funny, either a tiny or the too far out, meaning he says that if you see that I'm angry, then try to please me, try to make me happy. Again, we'll enter a two key about the two key. And if I see that you're angry, I'll try my best to make you happy again, well, iliamna Stein, or else we won't be friends throughout our lives. If it's any other way, then we'll never be friends. If you see that I'm angry, try your best to make me happy. And if I see that you're angry, I'll try my best to me to make you happy, or else we won't be able to live together.

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inshallah, this lecture and we start with the man and Allah subhanaw taala gave the man a level higher than the woman for the fact that he takes care of the woman and he has to provide for her and he has that kawaman Allah subhanaw taala gave each their their responsibility and things that are specific to him. Allah subhanaw taala says editie jell o comunale Nisa that the men are the comun the ones who support and take care, the authorities are the people that take care of the women inshallah, you can look into more detail of the word poem.

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And because of that, inshallah, that we're going to start with the man and if the man understands that, as the Prophet sallallahu Sallam said that the woman will have certain times when when she's acting this way, in that way, and so the man has the keys in how to deal with that, because like the Prophet sallallahu Sallam said, that he can, if the rib if you try bending it, he'll break it. And if he, if he leaves it, he he'll leave it with it bent. But again, it's in it's in the man's hands on how to deal with his wife at those moments. And inshallah, today, we're going to talk about how all of us, not just everybody, and I'm not included, but in fact, at another school, the brother Ali

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put this up on the on the bulletin board, and I would walk by the the flyer how to be a good Muslim husband, I would look at it. And I would say, you know, who's gonna teach me? How have you been with some husband? And say, the first person that gets a tape of this lecture is my wife. Right? And it's always, you know, proof. You know, you said this on tape on so and, and you did that, you know, so don't think that is just advice. It's advice for myself, and for everyone else, and Shawn.

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And so like he said, the man has the keys on how to correct the situation, and how to deal with the situation. Now, sometimes a situation would happen. And again, we're looking at ourselves, and we're not trying to see whose fault is it, but we're looking at what can I do to make the situation better. So he has the keys on how to deal with different situations. And our example, is the living example of Rasulullah sallallahu. Allah He was sending them and he was in every aspect, the greatest example Allah subhanaw taala says, la parte

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de rasulillah. He also worked on Hashanah, that barely in the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam in the Messenger of Allah, you have a good example. And in fact, this example goes to everything, how he was a leader, how he was a call the how he was an Imam, how he was a husband, and the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said specifically about being a husband, just as someone says that maybe this is a good way to act as a husband, that is a good way. The Prophet sallallahu Sallam said, hydrocodone hydrocone, that the best of you is He who was best to his family's best to his wife best to his family, and then the Prophet sallallahu Sallam not to show off, but to teach the people that

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the best example is in the example of Rasulullah sallallahu sallam, well, Anna hydrocone Ali, and I'm the best of you.

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And the best amongst you to his family. And so you want how he would deal with his wives be Abby who means a lot to LA he was an alcoholic.

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And so in the next coming moments, inshallah, we'll go through techniques that we learned from the Sierra of Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam.

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First of all, the Sierra teaches us that we should be gentle, and kind to our wives, and we should always try and you know, to lift their spirits and joke with them and so on.

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An example of this is how the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam would always name his wife, by the most sweetest of names. Meaning that, that I won't say any names that some husbands might call to their wives, but

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but the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam would pick some of the best names to his wives, though, the names that the wife would love to hear and a name and everybody knows that there's certain names, like if someone wants to say, you know, maybe his wife's not used to, but he would say, have a tea, you know, something like that, like my love to his wife. And you'll see that even if she's angry, she has to smile, right? Because you can't have someone calling you nice names, and then still have a frown on your face. The Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam would nickname I shall be alone Tada. And he would say, Yeah, I wish.

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And in the Hadith in Bukhari, that the Prophet sallallahu Sallam said to Ayesha, he said Yeah, hi, I'm calling her like, playing with her name to please her lovely alone to Allah. And he said, yeah, this is jabril who has come to give his Salaam to you. Like the gibreel Allah has some senses and I'm just like we say to someone, if you meet you know, shift so and so get my salons and if you meet brother so and so give my son a gibreel. Allah is telling the province of a lot I sent him give my son amta Isha. Have you allowed Alana? And so the prophets of the ladies and I would say, yeah.

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Okay, Salah, the Arusha Are ya again, here, the point is that he would call her playing with her name to joke with her and to have fun with her, do bla bla bla and that this is the beauty of sending his Salaam to.

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And in another Hadith, when, when they entered the messenger than they were looking at the abyssinians you know, in the masjid, the Prophet sallallahu Sallam called her yahoomail Ah, yeah, homemade Ah, another name that he would use to play with that shuttle, the Allahu taala.

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Another way of being gentle, and kind to their wife, to the wise, is that the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, he would frequently kiss his wives before he would leave for the masjid. And he would kiss them when he would come into the home. And some people might say that.

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Like, it was not out of a desire, but trying to bring happiness to them. For in, in the setting, in the book I certainly saw and how to live with one's wife and how to deal with one's wife. And he set a synonym to say, the prophet SAW the lioness and did this. And he went to his eyes shall have a lot of data on her. And she said in the saw him that she said, I'm fasting. And the Prophet sallallahu is and I've said, one I thought, he said, an iron myself and fasting, that there was nothing going to continue from from this kiss, but it was only because this is how he dealt with his wives, there was nothing there was nothing further going to happen, that when he would leave the house, he would,

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he would kiss them. And when he would come home, he would kiss them and in fact, we're coming up to it, that the prophets Allah la de Sena, when he would enter the home, he would the first thing and they would prepare like a miswak. For him, he would use them as swag, that he would clean his mouth and then kiss his wives as soon as he came into the, into the home, and in another Hadith, and showing you how a person should be gentle and kind to to his wife, the prophets of Allah Han he was sent him told the companions were in Mecca, mountain, fuck them enough of Putin, for in Asada, that whatever thing that you give that no matter what you do, right, you're hoping for the word of Allah

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subhanaw taala. The verily that is a sada had to look matter. The bow ha Fifi milotic here sada that he said, even the piece of bread or the loaf, or that that morsel that you put in your, in your wife's mouth, that even that will be written with Allah subhanaw taala as a charity as a solder pot and that you will be chewing on something that's getting worse, the person applies one of these techniques and then immediately the situation falls down. And and in this situation, if the wife is angry and so on, if a person was to take like a piece of food and say like here, you know, try to put it in her mouth, she may resist in the beginning, still angry, but then you know the defenses

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have to go down and the person puts

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You know, the food in his in his wife's mouth, and it's a very humbling thing to do. You'll even see maybe the wife will be shy that her husband would do that, or even the husband, you know is how can you get up to actually doing something like that. But then, you know, the defenses go down and, and he does this and Allah subhanaw taala will reward the husband for that.

00:30:22--> 00:30:54

And in another Hadith, he told Jebel Ali along with Thailand, when he got married, he said, Hello, Bitcoin to law, Abraham was able, he said, you know, and he was joking with Jabba the Aloha know that he said that she didn't you have married a virgin, that you would play with her and joke with her and have fun with her. And she would have fun with you, that you know, that you would make jokes and so on. And that's what the prophet SAW a lot. I sent him a showing that a person should be kind and gentle, and joking with his wife and trying to make her happy.

00:30:56--> 00:30:59

The second technique would be to,

00:31:01--> 00:31:43

would be to stop trying to find every fault in your wife, to stop trying to pick out the mistakes of your wife, one after the other, especially if that mistake that she's doing is a dunya mistake, meaning that if it's, you know, the food's not like this, or, or my clothes, you know, weren't clean or they weren't iron, and so on. If it has to deal with the dunya specifically, right, then it's best to not to not keep an eye and pick out the mistakes of your wife, as the Prophet sallallahu Sallam said khulumani Adam hotpot that everybody will be making mistakes and perfection is to Allah subhanaw taala alone. And so the person, you'll see, like, they'll say, um, you know, how many of us

00:31:43--> 00:32:27

are thinking about a fly right now? Fly like the Bab fly. We're not thinking about it right now at this moment, because it's not bothering us. But they'll say the only time that we remember a fly is when the fly he started hearing the, in your ear when you're annoyed by it, that the fact that there's no flies of hamdulillah there's nothing in here. People forget that that goodness, they forget that nana, And only when they're irritated, that's when the focus comes out. So say the wife will do all the launches, does this good. And does that good. And is that good, and does that good. It brings no attention to the husband's mind, except when something starts bugging him. And then he

00:32:27--> 00:32:38

has to get out the flyswatter and he has to knock it down. But that's that's what he's what he's picking on is [???]hole Islam would say he was actually talking about,

00:32:39--> 00:33:14

about some other people that would, that would follow the mistakes of other people who would say don't be like a fly, that if a fly sees like good wholesome food, it won't go to that. But it will see the the negative things, the impure things and it will land on that stuff. Like so the person is also he that would be like what a fly would do at that vibe that he would leave all the good, the goodness is all the good things that his wife does. And just land and focus in and zero in on the mistakes that she made. And that shouldn't be the character of the husband.

00:33:16--> 00:33:47

And you have to realize that, that you're not dealing with a perfect creation, you're dealing with a human being. And just like that your wife is a human being and she makes mistake, you should also remember that you are a human being. And just like she makes mistake, that you yourself, make mistakes and if you were to follow her mistakes here and there that no, no in your heart that you also if someone was to do that they could pick out just as many if not more mistakes in your dealings.

00:33:49--> 00:33:55

And just like the Prophet sallallahu Sallam said when he said dealing deal with them because they're fragile.

00:33:56--> 00:34:24

If you were to go to a china store, you'd go to a, you know, a glass store, and I know how they they line them up on the shelves and you're afraid to even come near them, somebody blows and then all the glasses go smashing to the ground. You see how delicate someone works with that, that you should be delicate like that with your wife and not trying to smash her up and treat her like like you know, like Be a man and be tough on her But no, she's she's a woman on loss of Hannah Tata created them with different emotions.

00:34:29--> 00:34:59

And this is coming up here narrated by Bahati and Lisa in this, this narration is the wording is by a necessity. And it's a it's a technique that I think is one of the most important techniques almost selama while the Allahu Allah and the Prophet sallallahu Sallam was sitting with some companions, and she came with some food and she brought the vessel of food to the prophets of aloha to send them what and then she left I shall be alone to Allah and she also prepared food for the Prophet sallallahu

00:35:00--> 00:35:44

Send them and companions. And so once she she came in she brought the vessel and she put it down. She saw that on the sediment vessel or her plate was there and she became angry that that she had you know, she had beaten her and she had served them. So she took on the Solomon's plate, and the men are there watching and she smashed it to the ground. Right destroy on the sellers plate and her plate remain standing. Now look, the prophet said a lot. SLM. He started picking up the pieces. And then he said to the companions, of our Tomoko, Mahara Tomoko that he he didn't even get mad at her. But he said that your your mother, you know me, Nina, hi, shuttle de la Donna, that the reason for

00:35:44--> 00:36:23

this is her Veera, for you know, her jealousy, her love of the profits of the Lawn Care Center, and that her jealousy made her do this. And he said this to the companion. And this again, you can imagine if your wife smashes a plate in front of you're in front of your friends while they're at the dinner. And then you know, you just want to you want to kill her in front of you. But she said, let me wait to my friends leave, and then I'll get get get. But the problem is Alison did nothing like that. And he said a lot of Tomoko Tomoko, and then he took out a Chateau de la tarde on his vessel. And she gave and he gave it salani sent him to Sedona. And he said, enter on Vienna and

00:36:23--> 00:37:01

another narration that our vessel for a vessel of your vessel was broken, here's another vessel to replace it. But here we learn a very important point. And that is that there will come times when the best thing that a person can do is to not address the mistake that his wife did. Especially like we said, if it has to do with something of the dunya if it has to do with something that we say dunya because sometimes the mistake might be in Salah that you're not praying for the mistake might be so it might be a little different, yes to command his family to perform the things but if it's something of dunya like food or clothes, or you know and things like that, that the best thing that

00:37:01--> 00:37:09

a person would do. And this is in so many places in the Sunnah, that the Prophet said a lot a sinner would remain silent. And in fact,

00:37:10--> 00:37:49

as a technique, you'll see even like maybe Dale Carnegie and these people that talk about how to deal with people that they'll even comment if you go through like his whole book, How to Win Friends and Influence People, you will see that everything is saying is the son that everything he said he just took the longer route not being Muslim and went to all these libraries and tried to extract it. But had he studied the Sunnah he would have extracted the exact same things you'll see chapters in his book, saying that the vet you know how to win friends smile in their face. And the Prophet sallallahu Sallam said before he said it 1400 years ago was December curfew, he Africa South Africa

00:37:49--> 00:38:28

and And not only is it just smiling his face, so you want his money or you're trying to win his business, that you're smiling in your brother's face for the sake of Allah subhana wa Tada. And they just saw that, that alone will reward you for and you're not doing it to win a human beings pleasure to gain some material gain from you're doing it for the sake of Allah, and so on. You'll see this point that whenever a person is like if you see someone doing wrong, that the technique would be to not say anything to remain silent. And you'll see as someone's arguing with you, and they're attacking you, and attacking and attacking you try this technique of not replying back, just remain

00:38:28--> 00:39:07

silent and desist from any conversation. And you know, anything that you say will just ignite the fire more, right, but you'll see that the profit center line a center would never even like something would happen like this, he wouldn't even dress the person that had committed the wrong or had committed the mistake. Now I shall be logged on and she made a mistake. But he kept quiet. And he didn't say anything to her. But he corrected the situation told the companions what had led her to do this gave the vessel to Selma and that was the end of the matter and forgiveness and he let it go some of lohani have sent him and so person has to choose those situation and see that if this is

00:39:07--> 00:39:17

part of the dunya This is not something to make a big deal about to just remain silent. A mistake happen at hamdulillah I forgive her and inshallah Allah Subhana Allah will forgive me

00:39:24--> 00:39:59

and this talk about how a woman or how like the husband will pick up just the mistakes that the wife does. You see, for example, that if the brother is inviting people over to his house, if He's inviting people over to his house, then you'll see that the women are in the wise they prepare very long and hard for these for these parties though, you know, prepare all these kinds of dishes and and work long hours and maybe the guy would just be sitting in the room phoning Are you coming on, but the wife will be there in the kitchen doing all this work, and so handle after even the guests. You know how

00:40:00--> 00:40:17

One of the guests he says, The he he likes thanks the person the host after he leaves economic abre he thinks the person, the husband, indeed should thank his wife for all the work that she had done. Because many times he gets thanked or that

00:40:19--> 00:40:56

the host gets thanks. But after, after the dinner is just Oh, that was a hard, no, that was a hard time. And then he just leaves the issue. And they actually the true thanks doesn't go to the wife for all the work that she did. And on top of that, maybe sometime during the, during the dinner, something was a little burnt, or something, you know, the spices are a little too hot, and so on, you'll see that maybe the man gets angry at that one point as an example of how the mistake is pointed out, and not the general good that the wife has done. And so a person shouldn't do that and look more on all the goodness that happened, and not trying to pick out those mistakes and focus on

00:40:56--> 00:40:56

them.

00:41:01--> 00:41:02

Third technique

00:41:04--> 00:41:12

is dressing up for the wife, dressing up for the wife trying to look good for the wife, and putting on Cologne and so on.

00:41:13--> 00:41:15

The Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam.

00:41:18--> 00:42:00

Or on this point, I know in a lot of I'll just say for example, that I remember seeing a cartoon in the Saudi Gazette that they showed a man getting angry at his wife and he had like the under shirt on and you know what, under under a soap, the man might have like a pajama type pants, and a shirt and the shirt usually are like very dirty. And it showed in this cartoon like this man getting angry at his wife and so on. And I realized that everybody, like in, when they get home, they always take off their nice clothes. And the wife is always seeing the husband in the most ugliest clothes that he has. Right? And and he has these pajamas that how many people go shopping for pajamas, they don't

00:42:00--> 00:42:42

it doesn't happen and, and pajamas. You never see pajamas is a high portion of you know, Walmart or something, they don't have a big section for pajamas. Because people don't buy nice clothes. For for their in, in house living. And so the wife is always looking at, you know, the husband's ugly side. Right. So we should learn as a technique that a person should dress up for his wife just like he wishes this, like we said about those faults and those comments from from the brothers about their wives, which he says that she never dresses up for. For me, I'm sure that his wife will say the exact same thing that he never dresses up for me also, that he every time he comes home, that he's

00:42:42--> 00:42:54

sweaty and so on, he just wants to go to sleep, where's the ugliest clothes he has in the house. And and just leaves it at that he never tries dressing up like he goes outside, he never comes home and dresses up like that.

00:42:57--> 00:43:17

An example of Rasulullah sallallahu I sent him is that when he would come home, the first thing he would do is use the sea walk so that there wouldn't be any bad smell coming from the profits of the launius. And and he would begin with the miswak so that his wives wouldn't smell any anything bad from the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wasallam but kulu play Salalah honey or something.

00:43:20--> 00:43:55

And even our best quality alone to Allah Allah, Allah Allah tala Han who he would say that verily I dress up for my wife, just like she dresses up. For me, this is even our best. So it'll be a lot of da da, da da da da da. And you will see that they were viewer, these were the scholars and these are the people that understood the dean the best. And you will see that their example coming out in these situations. And he says to his students, that just like my wife dresses up for me and looks, you know, tries looking nice for me that I myself will also try dressing up for her and looking nice for my wife inside the house.

00:43:58--> 00:44:41

And on on the lighter side of things, there's a story of this woman who was very beautiful, and she was married to this man and she said that one day she looked at him and she said to Hannah, Allah said 100 love that inshallah we'll both be going to gentlemen. And, and the man said that you know cave is a How is this? He says in sha Allah because said 100 Allah, you are blessed with such a beautiful wife like me, and 100 you know, you you think the lust upon $1 you did sugar to a law that you are blessed with such a beautiful wife like me, and Allah subhanaw taala says, To check it in the thankful ones will enter Jenna, and so inshallah you enter Jenna, and she said, and inshallah,

00:44:41--> 00:44:46

I'll enter agenda to because I've been tested with an ugly man like you.

00:44:48--> 00:44:59

And Allah Subhana ends she said, I've been tested ugly man like you, and I'm patient. savera. They said Allah subhanaw taala says that the patient ones will enter agenda and so in sha Allah

00:45:00--> 00:45:01

we'll both be going to gender

00:45:04--> 00:45:11

so we don't want our wives to be sovereign inshallah, that they'll be Shakira, you know and be thankful to Allah Subhana Dada

00:45:13--> 00:45:16

and Allah subhanaw taala says in the Quran, or the

00:45:17--> 00:45:18

lady Allah,

00:45:21--> 00:45:47

Allah subhanaw taala says, and it belongs to them from their heart is the same as what they owe as their heart. You know, so just like a woman has certain her cloak that we'll be discussing in a future lecture inshallah, but she also deserves certain help book and certain rights that belong to her. Allah subhanaw. taala says in the Quran, that it belongs to her, just like she owes these hukou. She has her phukan rights that belong to her also.

00:45:49--> 00:46:33

And armadio long tala rhodiola, tala and who he woman wants came to him, and she complained about her husband and she wanted a divorce, she wanted to hold her from her husband. And so I'm gonna be alone by the law who commanded that that husband be brought. And so when the husband came from, what about the Aloma tada and who saw that the man was very shelved in His hair was going in all these direction, and his clothes are very dirty, and his smells very bad, and so on. What about the Ola horn who commanded that that man, go and take a shower and go clean himself and go get a haircut and start using Cologne and start, you know, and he got like a complete facelift. And you'll see even

00:46:33--> 00:46:57

the kuffar that they're always going through different shapes, if you see pictures of them, you know, 10 years ago, they're different people, they're always doing a shape. This is what are more about the Align command for this man to go and get a facelift and clean himself up. And when the person had gone through this, this manicure and finishing he told him cut your nails and clean your clean your fingers and, and so on. When he had completed all of that,

00:46:58--> 00:47:36

or marwadi a lot, he came back. And when the woman saw her husband, she thought it was someone else. And she was actually afraid of that man, you know, and she was she was walking away and she couldn't believe that this is her husband, until finally she realized it was her husband. And then they went home and she was very pleased with him. And after that, you know there was no more need for the divorce and she and she sent back to the line for the law that she takes back her her or her asking for the hula and asking for the divorce all because in our model the aleinu had realized the situation and he had corrected it for the Allah tala on him.

00:47:39--> 00:48:10

And another brother he wants they were discussing a lot of people a lot of people are married here and a lot of brothers are looking inshallah how to be a good Muslim husband inshallah. And they get married, these brothers would talk about, you know, how when they're looking for wives, and they would say that, you know, you can, a lot of brothers, they dress up and they look nice in when they're in the search when they're in the hunt, to get married. And then they said, Don't worry after you find the wife, or worry about your weight, and don't worry about your looks, and you know, you're married. And then the brother said that what if my wife is thinking the same way.

00:48:12--> 00:48:28

And she's also thinking that just do this, we went to get married once you capture that, and do it. And so just like you wish that your wife would remain beautiful for you that you also should do your best to remain clean and handsome for your wife.

00:48:31--> 00:48:37

Another technique is to be content with your wife to be content elkanah. And in fact,

00:48:39--> 00:49:19

when it comes to this canon, it's another discussion also that you will see people if you drive down some of these places in Washington, you see the big houses, and the fancy cars. Don't think that those are the most happiest people in the world. Believe me, they're not the most happiest people. And just because they have a big house and a nice car, they can have the most painful list lives and in fact, so far they have that lies and Allah subhanaw taala says woman out on victory in Allahumma acertain Blanca and whoever turns his face and turns away from the remembrance of Allah from the vicar, La ilaha illAllah Muhammadan rasul Allah, that they will have a life which is tight Vanka

00:49:19--> 00:49:58

that it's tight. And that's how these people live. Like you'll see they're always talking about I feel emptiness in my life, I feel constricted, I feel, you know, just just talking about these people would be the rich ones and the big houses content. And you'll see people that may live in refugee camps or may live in little huts. And you'll see the kids with the the brightest smiles on their faces. And you'll see all the adults sitting together outside, you know, putting out a fire putting a pot of tea on the fire, and they have the most happiest lives. They have nothing of the dunya but they have the most happiest lives because of what's in their heart, their content canal

00:49:59--> 00:50:00

and as the

00:50:00--> 00:50:12

The statement goes a little cleaner to kenzan, you FNA that cannot content is a treasure that never ceases, that it's a treasure that keeps going on and on if the person is content with what he has.

00:50:13--> 00:50:46

And the principle for this is that a person should always look to not look at people that have more than them, they should always look at those people that don't have what they have. And so if you're married, what will you learn how you should look at all those brothers that are struggling to get married. And I know, from like, from the sister sign, many brothers also that they may get into an old age, and that nobody wants to marry them anymore, or they may have a fault here or there. And they may spend many years of their life not getting married. And some women, they don't even have hope of getting married.

00:50:48--> 00:51:01

And you'll see that when you look at situation like that, if Allah blessed you with the wife, that you should say, 100 Allah, that Allah subhanaw taala has put you in the situation that you have a wife to go home to, and you should be happy with your wife.

00:51:02--> 00:51:40

And a lot of this problem about people not being content with their wives. And in fact, now seeing all the problems that people have when they get married, I think in the past, people didn't have this much of a problem with these days, everybody has these super pictures that they're looking at, in the magazines, on television, I know a brother, he was from Lebanon, he's working in Riyadh, every time people would find out that he was from Lebanon, that they would like cry, they say I want to marry a Lebanese woman. And they and he said, he said, You know why they want to marry a Lebanese woman. He said, because all the satellite movies that come come from Lebanon. And and they always

00:51:40--> 00:52:13

pick, you know, lay out the villa, this this woman, though handpick them just to be, you know, the moderator of the television show. And people spend their spend their evenings, you know, every night watching these, these women, and they would say that I have to, you know, marry a woman like this, you know, and they and they, and they get sad, and then they're not content with their wives. And this is, you know, even, you know, like with Muslim, you can imagine now that all these people, and I know, like the magazines that we see, at least they don't have that technology to distort the pictures. But here, all you need is,

00:52:14--> 00:52:50

you know, some Adobe program or some Microsoft program, take a picture of a woman, and then they just change the shapes and change the size, and everything becomes distorted. And in fact, they had like experiments on this showing like youth in the high schools, they would bring, like a lady, and then everybody would know that she's not pretty, they would take a picture. And then they would show them in front of their very eyes, how the person would manipulate the picture. So that it would become, you know, to beautify the woman. And he said, this is exactly what happens with the magazine covers, that they would take these pictures, and just manipulate the pictures, until it's an

00:52:50--> 00:52:56

impossible human being that that they see there. And then this becomes the idea of everyone.

00:52:57--> 00:53:00

And a story of one of the she have said that

00:53:02--> 00:53:42

a person or this father was was sitting at home. And while he was sitting there, and they're watching, like some singers or something on the television set, there was a male singer, his young daughter went to the television set, and she kissed the television set, she kissed the singer on on the TV screen. And then he's, you know, he got very angry at his daughter says, What are you doing, and now pay attention to this guy had brought this television to his house. Right? He is the one who brought it into the house, he is the CO one he's getting mad at her for kissing the television screen. And then and then she says, And just so you know that just like you may be looking at the

00:53:42--> 00:54:06

magazines and looking at other women don't think that your wife is so content with you also, that if this is going to be the way you act that connected enough to them, that the same way you act, it'll come back to you that your wife would also be not content with you. Because believe me, there's more handsome men than us. And and, and so the woman if you're not content with your wife, it can go back the same way.

00:54:07--> 00:54:09

This the little girl

00:54:10--> 00:54:18

she was when she was kissing the television screen. Then she told her father that that I saw mommy do the exact same thing.

00:54:19--> 00:54:56

He said that I saw that when whenever this artist or this singer comes on a television set, that this is what mommy would do when you're not home. This is what she did. That's what I meant about that early part about about being content, because don't think that you're the one who's going around looking and that your wife also wouldn't be looking. The next technique is to spend quality time with our wives to spend time with her and talk with her and so on. A lot of people, they whenever their house becomes like just a routine, they come home from work, they nap, they get up, they do the work, they go on the computer, it's time to go to sleep and so on and it just becomes a

00:54:56--> 00:54:59

routine life like that. But the life

00:55:00--> 00:55:39

shouldn't be like that the person should take out time in his day so that he would sit with his wife and talk with her and spend, you know, chat with her joke with her and have quality time just like you'd have, you know, tea time and go out for tea with someone should go out for tea with your wives and spend quality time with their wives. A cartoon of it showed this woman going to a perfume shop, and she wanted a perfume with with a computer smell, a PC smell. And she said perhaps my husband would pay more attention to me, if I started smelling like a computer. Right? And everybody knows that now, the computer has all these attractions that everybody's spending their hours at night in

00:55:39--> 00:55:42

front of a computer screen and leaving their wives to the side.

00:55:43--> 00:56:22

The Prophet sallallahu wasallam in Asahi hain, the Prophet sallallahu wasallam. You may have heard the the Hadith it's a long Heidi, about the 11 women that sat and they discuss their husbands. And one woman said My husband is like this, the other woman said her husband is like that I should have heard them saying this. And she told this to the prophets of allottee. So the whole idea is you said these women said this. And they said that they said it's a very long head, even if you read it, it's long. The Prophet said a lie they sent him sat there. And he listened to the entire story, listening tie shadow, the alarm explaining the story. And then at the end, that the best husband amongst those

00:56:22--> 00:56:56

women was the husband, abuser. And this and the woman was almanzar and her husband was abuser, and then the Prophet sallallahu Sallam at the end of the story, because this was the best husband that that they're talking about. He said to her by the law, that I am like a bizarre to you. And then I shall be a lion has said that know that you're better than abaza, but the sallallahu alayhi wa sallam. But the point here is that he would listen and spend time with his wife listening to her story and interacting with her about the allowance.

00:56:58--> 00:57:39

And you'll see also that, whenever like some hard time would come to the Prophet sallallahu sallam, he would go to his wives, and they would console him, and even advise him in what to do in certain davia when the Prophet sallallahu Sallam had made the Treaty of her davia. And they were going to cancel their Amara and go back the companions were very sad at this, they had come to Mecca, the Prophet sallallahu Sallam had promised them that they would do it. And now they had to shave their heads, slaughter their, their, their, their sheep, and go back to Medina. So the prophet SAW the lights and commanded them to do this. But in their sadness at the moment, they didn't do it. And the

00:57:39--> 00:58:15

prophet SAW the lies and him didn't know what to do. He went back to Selma audio law, Tada. And he said that, you know, he was angry. He said that I've told them to do this, and they haven't done this. And oma salam, o de la, da, da da, she said, Go outside yourself, slaughter your sheep in front of them, and shave your head without saying anything. And the Prophet sallallahu Sallam took her advice. And he went outside, and he slaughtered his sheep, and he shaved his head without saying anything. And the companions, when they saw the prophets that have lice, and I'm doing this, they went and they slaughtered the sheep themselves, and, and cut their hair. And they said, even just so

00:58:15--> 00:58:51

you know, the state of sadness that they were in, that they were almost cutting each other's head as they were cutting, because they were in such such deep sadness, that they weren't even weren't even paying attention when they were, you know, cutting each other's head that they even cut the person's like scalp, from the sadness that they were in that they would have to go back and not be able to perform their camera. And you'll see also how Khadija rhodiola tala Anna was with the Prophet sallallahu sallam, when he came back and he got the revelation. And she spoke to him and consoled him and so on. This is how they would act with each other sallallahu alayhi wa sallam and his wives

00:58:51--> 00:58:53

for the love of Darla and Han.

00:58:55--> 00:59:14

And you see the routine of of the house being you know, that you only talk to your wife, you know, go get me some water, go do this, sit down, go to sleep, do that. Just tell it just commandments back and forth. But it shouldn't be that way. The officiant should, you know, put that kind of language aside and should sit down and have some quality time with their wives

00:59:17--> 00:59:58

sixthly the person should do this goodness for the sake of Allah subhana wa Tada. And at our school at hood, our theme of the week this week was in Milan, Albania, that actions are judged by intentions in the mallamma with Nia, that these actions also should your intention should be for the sake of Allah subhanho wa Taala because you're hoping for the reward of a lust patata just like we said about that, that piece of food that you put in your wife's mouth, that you're hoping for the reward of Allah subhanaw taala every kind of goodness that you do for your wife. You shouldn't do it, hoping for some return. Some husbands, they might do good to their wives. Do good do good until

00:59:58--> 01:00:00

a certain point where he finds

01:00:00--> 01:00:35

No reciprocal good happening to him. And then he just stopped all goodness. And he said, I'm not getting any any return from this. But he's doing that he desist from doing good, because he's not doing it for the sake of Allah subhanaw taala. He's doing it just so he can get something back in return. But if a person even if he was to live, like his whole life, doing good, Allah subhanaw taala will show him the reward for that, even if nothing comes back in return, that he does this for the sake of Allah hoping for the reward of Allah. Even if he finds no return from his wife, no return goodness happening. He's still doing it for the sake of Allah to Allah.

01:00:38--> 01:01:18

Another technique a person should use is to have, you know, the courage to say I'm sorry, when they've made a mistake. And they shouldn't like a lot of husbands. Whenever they make a mistake, they would say, Well, you did on that time, this, this and that, and try to bring up another issue. But know if a mistake has happened, stop the discussion and say I'm sorry. And Samson said sincerely, and then you'll see maybe the wife will continue to comment on on the issue, but say I'm sorry, I'm sorry. You can keep attacking someone if they keep telling you I'm sorry. You just comes to a point where they just stop the person who's in front of you just stops attacking. And just to

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say I'm sorry, and the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said, is still serving me say Hira. It's like he's saying that I advise you to treat the women kindly.

01:01:31--> 01:02:08

And the province of the Lyceum in the continuum of that Heidi saying that, that very early. They were created from a rib, a bench rib. And if if you were to try to straighten out the rib and hear the province of a lot a sinner, maybe some people would try to call it How can you say the woman's created from a river that and try to comment, but here the province Hello license at the beginning of the Hadith, he says is still super nice. I Hira, he's not trying to mock them. He's saying sallallahu Sallam is still so when you say Farah, treat them good. Then he comments on the rib. And then he says, first those who have any say Hydra, then he says so treat them good. He begins to the

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comment and ends the comment with treating the women kindly. And he's explaining this so that when a person sees that maybe certain actions or certain you know situation, this is not how the person is usually expecting someone to react, that he should understand that the woman was created from a bench trip. And that if you try straighten the rib, that you will break it. And then if you live with the rib if you let it go, that you live with it with it bent

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festal so when you say hi Ross so treat them good. And so a person should keep that in mind that she's that it's a different psychology, it's a different

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she's a woman and you're a man and you don't act the same way you would treat like a man like you see people in an army, hitting the person someone's not in line you you're tough and hard with them because other men and be like a man and so on, but you're not dealing with with another man, you're dealing with a woman and the Prophet salallahu de Sena is explaining that situation and reminding the brothers to treat their women kindly.

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And you will see also sometimes that maybe even the person didn't do something wrong. He says like, I'm not gonna say sorry, I didn't do anything wrong, and so on. And, and they have, you know, they won't go to that level, they would say I'm sorry, we should take this Howdy. When the Prophet sallallahu sent him an essay, narrated it. And I shot and he said that Sophia rhodiola, tala and they were traveling together. And Sofia or the Allah tala and how she her camel was going slowly. And she was you know, falling back in line and the Prophet salallahu de Sena went to her and she was crying. And he told her, why are you crying or Sophia? And she said, probably a lot of time on she

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said, You put me on a slow camel. You know, you made me ride on a slow camel. And this is the province of allies and like that the mistake that she was mad at and that she was angry at and which made her cry is that he got a slow camel. AND and OR she said that he had put her on a slow camera and she was crying, you know, from from the situation, or what did the promise of a lot is and he didn't you know how other people would get mad or or say like what are you talking about us I and so on? The Prophet sallallahu said, I mean you would see how many brothers would actually do something like this. The Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam with his fingers would wipe away Sophia or the

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law Donna and his tears, he would wipe away her tears and what you said to her and saying it's okay, I'm sorry Don't worry about it, I'm sorry. And so on. And he actually went and tried to find another camera for her to ride but that's the way the profits on a lot is and I'm acting with them, understanding you know, their emotions.

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And another Hadith the Prophet ceylonese

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I was with I shadow the behind her and, and she was raising her voice at him like how some people they may have apartment the wife is screaming at them and everybody in the hallway can hear what's going on. I should have the line has screaming at the profits of the loudest and raising your voice at him. And then aboubaker love the line who came. He came in the house and saw and heard I shall have Ilan, screaming at the profits of a lot. He said. So he entered and became very mad at I shuttle the lawn and started you know, getting angry at her and talking to I showed the line. The Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam came between him and I shut off the lawn and said like, it's

01:05:41--> 01:06:21

okay, it's okay. And then after a walk around the lawn, who had left, he, he told I said, didn't you see how I protected you, you know, and so on. And then after that, they became friends. And they were talking and joking with one another, our worker on the line who came back, and he saw them laughing. And he's like super vanilla. He says, he said, Actually candy, he said, you know, add me to your to your piece, just like you added me to your war. Like, let me join up, join in this laughter and what's making you guys have fun, just like you made me get involved with with this war between you two. But you'll see here that maybe the Prophet sallallaahu I sent him or like nothing

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happened, but his wife had raised her voice of the law on on her on him. But still, he defended her in front of her father. And so many times people, you know, they would take any moment to like, tell the wife's parents that look, she didn't do this formation and do maybe even tell on them. And they would say that this is a Sienna that a person would would go and tell on his wife to her family members, but he should hide just like a loss of 100 Tata says 100 alabaster la coma entamoeba salon, that you are the clothing for them, and they are the clothing for you because you cover her and, and you know her faults more than anyone else because of how close you live with her. And so because of

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those keys that you have to her fault, you need to protect her faults, and not expose those faults to other people.

01:07:15--> 01:07:36

inshallah, we're coming to the conclusion number eight that we should tell our wives and show them that we love our wives as the Prophet civilize them did. And that story of a bizarre that he's told I shut on the line that I am like a bizarre to you that he's saying that I love you and I'm treating you good. Like I was already a lot our abuser was treating his wife

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and the province on a line isn't this he would say that he would love his wife, he would also do actions, which show that he loved them as the Prophet sallallahu acnm whenever or I shall have Ilana she would drink from a vessel and or drink from like they would drink from bowls. She would drink drink from from the bowl or drink from the vessel. And then the Prophet sallallahu wasallam would take the vessel and like move it to the position where I shall be lying, I was drinking and drink from that same spot. And she also narrates that if she was eating like from a piece of meat that the Prophet sallallahu asym would take the meat and turn to that side in a loving way showing his love

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for her and eat from that same piece, or that same bite that she ate from. On the opposite side you'll see many like brothers, if say his wife took a bite of an apple that he would be like grossed out to to eat the apple, take a knife and cut that piece off. And then eat the apple. Right like that's how people would act with their wives. And you'll see the example of Rasulullah sallallahu showing his love for his wives. And so you don't say you know you the spit or someone drinks from don't worry about that inshallah.

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And the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, I should have the line it would be in her in her menstruation or menses and the Prophet sallallahu Sallam would lean on her lap and recite Quran. So he's reciting Quran and he would lean on her lap and in fact, the Prophet sallallahu Sallam passed away in the lap of I shall have the Lord Alana, that he was sitting in her lap, and she brought them swag for him and he passed away salani Center in her lap, he was raised his hands, Aloma federal fuchal Allah, Allah and the highest companions and he said it three times in his hand went down and he passed away in the lap of I shall be allowed to hold on showing you the love that He has for his

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wife and how he would spend time with them showing that love.

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Okay, nine we should work or the husband and wife should work together in their a bed of Allah subhanho wa Taala and that's one of the best ways to spend quality time together is to worship Allah subhana wa Tada. Maybe that they would recite Quran together or they get up for Pamela just like the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said that if a man and a woman stand up together to pray family, that Allah subhanaw taala will right

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As a decade in law, Catherine with vacuolar, those who remember a lot much, and from the men and women, that they would both be included in that, and that the Prophet sallallahu Sallam is showing that in the house, that the husband and wife should pray together their family.

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And also I shall have the line it says that when the province of the licen would pray at night, when it came time to do with her, he would wake I shut out the alarm data on her, and she would do her with her. And so they would do a better together, and also things that the person should do is maybe on you know, you're listening or commies on Monday and Thursdays, that together as a family, the family should fast on Mondays and Thursdays and do other a bed is together. And in fact, the Prophet sallallahu Sallam said that the best Salah a person does the most reward a person or the most virtuous solo a person would do is a salon in his house, except for the makeover except for the fun

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salon. So actually, the default is that when a person finishes like salon, he prays his son at home, not in the masjid, right that that would be more virtuous for him to do is to go home and to pray his son at home to be with his family and do his a badger at home so that the house is enlivened with the worship of Allah subhanho wa Taala.

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tents are number 10 should play games with, with with one's wives. And I think for those brothers who have tried it, you know, get like a game book or one on one games and so on. Just to get out a game and play like say someone who play Tic Tac Toe or something like that, to play with your wives, a private school allottee Center, you'll see that and we all know the story that he would raise with I shove up your lawn, look at this situation, they would go how the situation happened is that they were going in an army. And then the Prophet sallallahu Sallam told everybody to move ahead, and then they would fall back until the army was far away from them. And then in the empty desert, he would

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say, Okay, I should Let's race, right, and she was younger than him and faster and she beat him in the race. And we know that the Prophet said a lot his son would mend his sandals meant his. So he would, he would even in some narration sweep the house for salon he was selling helping out in the house. And many of the companions were like this. And there's many examples of them doing this. And like the mother of the believers, I still have a lot on says that he would do this and help out in the house. And then when the time for an event comes when the event is given, given the whole Garifuna Alana Defoe. It's as if he doesn't know us, and we don't know him. Meaning that now is

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salaat time. And it's time to go to the message. And it's time to pray. It's as if we don't know him. And he doesn't know us, meaning that his concern is on the salon. But after the salon, he would go home, pray as soon as at home, and help out in the house

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12 that we should pay attention to the wife's moods, that there are certain times like we said, there may be in the mornings, that it's not a good time to you know, do certain things. Maybe in the afternoon, a person knows, you know, how his how his wife and how the moods change. And so he should pay attention to these moods. As the Prophet said a lot I sent him said, he told I shut up the lawn. He said that I know when you are angry with me, and when you're happy with me, like I can tell. And he says I know your moods. And I know when you're happy when you're not happy with me. And she said, How do you know our messenger of Allah and the Prophet sallallahu Sallam said that if you if you're

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happy with me, that you would you would swear like you if you're happy with me, you would say law one of the Mohammed, you would you would swear by a lie. So law or is no by the Lord of Muhammad. And he said if you say that I know that you're happy with me. And he and then he said a lot s&m said. But if you're angry with me, you'll say La warabi Ibrahim, la by the Lord of Ibrahim. I know that when you say that, that you're angry with me, and then she and then she not. And she said that's true, that that that's why that's why I do that. And then she said that I had Judo illa isma that I only you know, put aside your name, but not anything more than that Fabiola da da da. So the

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husband should know the moods of his wife and to know when to and to move, you know, move with the flow of those moods.

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And in conclusion, we should be the best of character, we should have the best HELOC and the best person to start with that Hello is a person's wife with a person's wife, the profits of the lattes and I'm said meaning Amen. And I sent her home that the person who has the best Eman the person who is the most pious is the person who has the best character. I sent him a flicker the person who has the best character and then he said a lot is and I said, Well how eurocom hydrocone Allah in that same ad, and the best of you is He who was

01:15:00--> 01:15:10

Best to his family, his best to his wife, while Anna hydrocone Annie, and I'm the best of you to my wife. But here, like a person, like you'll see a person, he may be like,

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who may be like a kitten when it comes to other people, all shy and polite and so on. shifts aid says this, but when, you know when it comes to dealing with other people and kuffaar and people in the masjid, he's all quiet, and content and everything's but as soon as he gets home, it becomes like a lion, right? Any any builds up? Where's my food, Where's mine, and so on. Right? He should act with the best photo with his wife, just like he acts with other people with the best photo. And in conclusion, we remind, I remind myself and all of us with the words of the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam could look now at the Maha Takahiro. hapa ineta were born that all the children of

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Adam make mistakes. And the best of those who make mistakes are those who repent the most those who do is to follow the most. And so you should remember that in any dealings and take that as your model. When you see something wrong from your wife. Remember that she's a human being a daughter of Adam, like all of us, and she makes mistake. And remember the words of the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, it tackled la Huck Finn Nisa. Fear Allah in the women fear Allah in your wives akoto Kohli had stuff for lolly welcome. When he said he didn't Muslim you know when a Muslim man first of Pharaoh who in the whole photo

01:16:32--> 01:16:38

he mad rush audio presents, how to be an outstanding wife by Mohammed Shetty.

01:16:40--> 01:17:17

Sophia, probably a lot more data on her. She did something that angered the Prophet a lot. He was one of one. And so Sophia radi Allahu taala on her, she wanted very much at the province of the lawless and I'm would be happy with her. So she went out and shut up the Aloha on her. And she said to Aisha, he said, How lucky she said, I'll make a deal with you. She said, If you make the Prophet sallallahu Sallam pleased with me, that I'll give my day to you, I'll give because the prophets that a lot incentive, would spend one day with this wife one day with that wife and Bill, she said, If you make the prophets that a lot is and I'm happy with me, then I'll give my day too. And I showed

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up the lohana accepted. And so I showed her the Aloha line.

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She went to the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wasallam. And she put on her femur, which is a very pretty female, and she and she put

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and she put zafir on which is the equivalent of perfume and in these days, she puts off on on her on her hijab or her and then she wet it with water and she brushed water over it so that the smell would come out. And so cheap, sprayed this water on on a female so that the smell would come out more than she came to the Prophet sallallahu Sallam on that night. And she came in she sat near him and and started getting close to him. And the Prophet sallallahu Sallam said to her, yeah, sha Allah, La Kyani that he said, I should, you know, stay away from me, but it's not your night tonight. It's not your night tonight. And actually, inshallah we'll be learning later. This is one

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of the techniques that I shall be lavon and this method of coming close to a husband dressing up nicely putting on the perfume and coming with some intimate thing that a wife does to her husband and he when the prophet SAW the license saw this, he told her it's not your night Arusha. So you know, stay away from me because it's not your night. And then I showed on the lawn, I told him what had happened between her and Sophia and the Prophet sallallahu wasallam became pleased with Sophia and became pleased with our show.

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And another example, and the examples go on and on, have a smile

01:18:48--> 01:18:49

on her the daughter of

01:18:50--> 01:18:59

a smile. And if you read the Sierra, have a smile on the Aloha line. So Pamela here we just mentioned the story of Ayesha and Ellen mentioning the story of her sister

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that was married to

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Claudia lavon is a very was very poor, when he was first married. And a smart well below, one had used to take care of his home, he needs to take care of his help him in his business, or in his land. And she would say that it would hurt her so much. And she suffered so much in assisting her husband. And she mentions the story that she had gone out to this land that the profits of the lawn is set on had given to us available on the line. And she used to work in this in this field. And she would do the farming on that field and she would collect the seeds and and then bring it back and she would say that she would travel very long distances to get to this area to do the farming and

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then come back with some food, come back with wheat or come back with seeds so that you'd carry it and she would carry it on her head while the lavon

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and she described it he or the aligner husband is aware that

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He only had a camel or a camel that was used to, to carry these things to carry farming items on it. And then who would have a horse and they had nothing more than that. And a smell of the lawn Has she says in this incident where she was walking back and it very much hurt her to walk like this. The Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam came by Omar hoonah photo minute on sod and that there was a group of men with with the Prophet sallallahu from the unsign they came and then they saw a smell the Allah Han and then they stopped the Prophet sallallahu Sallam told everybody to stop and he offered to take a snap all the along with him on on the camels and they would ride back into a

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Medina and a smell the Aloha on her. She said for the coat to Leila. She said I remembered the jealousy of is available.

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And the shyness she had shyness that she would ride with the men to things that she was shy to ride with the men and she remembered the rear of her husband as a bear the jealousy the good jealousy of is available online. And so the Prophet Solanas understood her shyness, and then he told the men to move on and then they moved on, until she came back to Seville, the lavon Whoa. And she told him what had happened. And as availa de la I know, and see, you'll see here that she understood the she understood her husband, and she understood those things that pleased him, and those things that would displease him. And so so below the line, when he said to her, that he said, Well, law, he, the

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fact that you had to carry those seeds to carry that Noah on your head hurt me more than you having to ride with the profits on the lawn in the summer, that it hurt me more the fact that you had to do that work. But you'll see here that she was not complaining. And she's not saying anything about what was going on. But she remembered her husband in the situation. And she protected her husband until a smell of a low on her. She said that the prophet SAW until I will work it'll be a long line who her father later sent her a servant. And she says for kenema taccone. It was as if he had freed me as if I was a slave. And it was as if he had freed me when he sent me the servant because of how

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hard she used to work in the home and in helping a husband as a bale.

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Okay, and so I love this this lecture tonight is based on and all the words pretty much are based on a tape by Abraham and

01:22:30--> 01:22:50

Abraham law entitled a sacred holiday, which is called halon. Magic, Abraham. Abraham is a is a teacher in one of the colleges and Colosseum. were close, I mean, cuando la used to used to live and and Abraham and his lectures are very well known around the world.

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He says here in this lecture, and before this lecture, we gave another speech that was also based on his tape, which was about the art of dealing with the wise Finn uttama xojo. And we entitled it how to be a good Muslim husband, and inshallah it'll be available here because some of the sisters may see here this lecture, let's say, what about the husband? What about the husband Hamdulillah, we already did a lecture like this for the husband. And so we started with that, and the lecture is available. So inshallah, when your husband gives you this tape, you go, and you buy that other tape, and you give it to him, and everybody goes to the room and listens to the tape on their own. So that

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we didn't want to mix. Because I know sometimes when a husband and wife they say, let's solve our problems, let's listen to this tape. So everybody looks in the tape for that thing, which is full for them, and not the thing that's against them this year who say everything this is against or this is against this until there's something against the husband, as you say, See, did you hear what the shift said, you know, and bring it on. And of course, the man does the same thing. He listens until the parts come against the wife. And then you said, See, did you hear? But we don't want it. We don't want that to happen. And Subhan Allah, that no see Ha.

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No, see how they say that. giving advice is very, it's very hard, especially to the people that give advice, that the hardest person to give advice is the person that continues to go around and give advice to this person. But when he hears the advice, it may be very hard for that person to accept it. And this is the nature of the human being that one advice is given that they you know, cringe and they find a rejection to that. And so from the Hickman that we see in the shadow, and we see

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that when someone gives advice that they should try their best to find a way out and find the best application, the best way to offer that advice so that that person can accept the advice. But the issue isn't that we want to bash someone on the head with the advice, get out some anger and then leave but rather we want to apply that advice put like a sugar coating around it so that it's easy for the person to swallow. And so Allah tada and this dealing for the woman because it's an extra for the woman that

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To deal with a husband is a is an art just like we said in the other lecture about it being an art, the man dealing with his wife, the woman also it's an art and very, we don't hear it very often of the details of this art for the woman, even if she was a

01:25:16--> 01:25:45

Angel, in her character and so on. It's not enough until that character goes beyond herself and starts applying to her husband. Very often you may hear that a sister would be good in her work good with her, her sister friends good with everybody else until it comes to a husband. And then everything changes. Because the art of dealing with the husband is a little different. And it's something that we forget, or we haven't really learned to properly.

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And in the Quran, Allah subhanaw taala speaks about the the prophets and he says that this loss or this advice is something to when it's accepted, it's a it's an AMA from Allah subhana wa Tada. And when it's when that advice isn't accepted, Allah hasn't given the person the favor and the Tofig of him accepting this advice and this advice goes in everything from the from the top of La ilaha illAllah Muhammad Rasulullah, all the fruit of the deen the prophets would say as mentioned in the Quran, POTUS apana with the Allah, Allah

01:26:21--> 01:26:24

knows he wants to

01:26:25--> 01:26:26

Sahaja

01:26:29--> 01:26:29

God

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as the prophets would say, as Allah subhanaw taala mentioned when I am Falcon, and my advice will not benefit you. And Allah to announce Allah, although I wish to advise you, he's saying the my advice will not benefit you in can allow you to come if Allah should intend to put you in error. If Allah subhanaw taala doesn't want your guidance, my nose and my advice will do nothing for you. And so we see it's something that we forget that the acceptance of this advice is Sophia from Allah subhanho wa Taala. And so from the beginning, the person, whether they're listening to the tape, or they're listening to this lecture, that the first thing they should do is ask Allah Subhana Dada to

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make them from those who accept the advice, to accept the advice

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and inshallah, that this lecture actually is supposed to be for the sisters, and there are a lot of brothers here today. And as you see that it said that the lecture that all the brothers have been waiting for, and similarly the sisters and the other lecture about the husband that everybody brings that, but the key is that we want insha Allah that this to be completely for the sisters so that the sister can take that tape and listen to it on her own and listen to it on our own. So that inshallah later on in life when a when a problem comes up here and there that you know, without your husband seeing you take the Walkman and go into a you know, a corner and and listen to the tape, as the

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Prophet sallallahu Sallam said that from the seven that will be granted shade on the Day of Judgment is a person who remembers Allah subhanaw taala huadian by himself for fall the DNA for the Corolla, who remembers Allah subhanho data, and then they cry for the sake of Allah subhana wa Tada. And so in sha Allah, may this be one of those moments that a person can hear this later and hear it again and here and again and cry on their own for the sake of Allah subhanho wa Taala. And she upon

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this a time will always try to stop a person from accepting.

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And one of the top things that the shaytaan will say, and what I've heard a lot is that the person whenever gonna see her come, they always want to avert it to someone else. And so in this topic, it'll be often the reply will always be, Well, why don't you speak to the husband? Why don't you speak to the husband and the husband the same way? Well, it's my wife's fault, but the only person you can change is yourself. The only person you can change is yourself. And we ask Allah subhana wa tada to allow us to change what we have control of and that's us. So we ask Allah subhana wa tada for us to have patience with that with that which we can't control is our spouse. You can control

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this both it's the tofu from Allah subhana wa tada that may Allah subhanaw taala give us the hikma to understand the difference between the two, what we have control over and what we don't, so that the person as the Prophet sallallahu Sallam said in the Hadees that when they ask them about the image that will come later, and they'll be oppressing and so on the Prophet sallallahu Sallam said, Give the Huck what is due to them and ask Allah subhana wa tada for the Huck that is due to that it doesn't mean because you have is being taken away that you take away a hug from that person. But no, you do your best to apply that how and you ask Allah subhana wa tada and you make to Allah subhanaw

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taala for the happiness

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It is for you.

01:30:02--> 01:30:16

And whatever is said today inshallah, which is correct is from Allah subhanaw taala and His Messenger alone. And whatever we say today that is incorrect is from a minus and from the Shaitaan and Allah and His Messenger are absolved from any of that.

01:30:18--> 01:30:22

Okay, to begin, actually, the shift spoke about a simple Hello.

01:30:23--> 01:31:05

Being magic, and he's speaking about color. In reality, magic is something more of something that is disliked. In fact, it's one of the major sins and the punishment for a hair or a magician would be death, because it's to that point. But here, the province of Milan a cinema in some instances, used the word sir Hello magic in a good sense, as in the hundreds were the prophets of Allah as Adam said in them in advance, let's say from that from from speech is a magic meaning that a person can control with their speech. And some people say that actually this is also meant as a negative point too, because the person can use speech as magic and actually misguide people. You'll see someone

01:31:05--> 01:31:21

who's misguided and he'll speak and it's like magic but he's Miss guiding people through that magical way of speaking. Okay, but the woman or the sister has has this power to control men. Certainly set you heard that a lot right?

01:31:24--> 01:31:33

And nobody, no two people differ on this issue about the fitness and he says, Allah subhanaw taala says in the Quran, z Nadine

01:31:34--> 01:31:57

Masha Allah t mean aneesa lots of 100 Allah says, beautified for people, Zina beautified for people, is the love of that which they desire, wish allottee and the first thing that Allah subhanaw taala spoke of the shell at these desires of the person, meaning Lisa, from the women, and so on the Prophet sallallahu Sallam said at dunya Mata

01:31:59--> 01:32:14

Mata sila Prophet sallallahu Sallam said that this whole world is luxury. And the best of this luxury is a pious wife or a pious woman. Now, as the chef would say that the woman has the ability to

01:32:15--> 01:32:55

affect a man's opinions and affect this and that. So he would say that this is an animal from Allah subhanaw taala, the beauty and the ornaments that a woman has given, he said that it's imperative that a woman uses this for good. And he uses this to win her husband. And so you'll see in the coming things that it may seem as if it's magic, but it's not. But if only the woman uses the things that Allah subhanaw taala gave her with her husband, you will see that inshallah that will be a successful life. Because of this, you see a book here, and you probably heard of this book on on the internet, and people have spoken about it. It's called the surrendered wife, by Laura Doyle. And

01:32:55--> 01:33:35

actually it says here, on the back, it says this controversial approach to marriage has transformed 1000s of relationships, bringing women romance, harmony and the intimacy that they crave. Okay, this book, actually, I listened to a interview with the with the author of this book and Subhanallah, if you go through this whole book, you'll see that by her mind, and by her intelligence, she arrived at what the sun is teaching us, by her monitor intelligence. And through her study, she arrived at what the sun is telling us. And if you go chapter after chapter actually did this prepare the speech before I got the book, I when I took the book, I saw all the points that I had mentioned are already

01:33:35--> 01:33:40

there in the book, in fact, more so that I found points in the book

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where the chef had forgot to mention it, but it's from the summit anyway. But it's from the center anyway, and so panela that her basis of this is that the woman should allow her husband to be the column of the house, that she should surrender the unknown to her husband, she should allow her husband to be the engineer, and she should she should get in that position and should respect that position. And in fact, some places in this lecture I might even be taking some parts of the book here and there because of its accuracy, and inshallah this book, if you want to borrow, we can always put out lend, lend out some points.

01:34:17--> 01:34:46

In this book, inshallah, if a person actually wants to read through it, you'll find that many of the points there in a modern approach are actually speaking about the center. Some other books of non Muslims that wrote this issue are a book entitled, me obey Him, the obedient wife and God's way of happiness and blessing in the home by Elizabeth handforth. And another book called liberated through submission by PB Wilson and Bonnie Wilson.

01:34:47--> 01:34:52

Okay. From the SLE but from the techniques that a wife would use

01:34:53--> 01:35:00

to be successful in a marriage is first of all, is that she should when the husband comes

01:35:00--> 01:35:20

Home, those first moments every day that he comes home, that she should greet him at the door, smile in his face, and prepare and make a big deal about about this entrance, you'll see that and then if he's out at work, and you know the rush of the Beltway, and he's at war, and he's hot, and he's sweating, you see his faces all,

01:35:21--> 01:35:30

you know, burned read from all from all that hard work. And after all that pain and suffering that that a man goes through when they, when they're at work, when they come home,

01:35:31--> 01:36:15

when they open the door, imagine, these are the shifts, or I don't think I made this up. Imagine if the person comes home, and his wife is prepared for him. You know, she's dressed nicely, she has perfume on, the food is prepared, the children are dressed nicely, they smell good. And and the food is there. And everybody's laughing because everybody knows this is the ideal, where can i Where can I find this? Right? But if they come home, and this is a situation, and after that, and in the reading and so on what kind of and the shift will say that this is a simple Hello. This is like hello magic, that immediately that man will forget all the pain of his day. And he'll forget the

01:36:15--> 01:36:25

driving that he went to, and he will want more and more to come home. If this is the way that he is greeted when he comes home and this is the way he finds his wife and his children.

01:36:26--> 01:36:29

I've almost gotten colon Rahim Allahu taala.

01:36:31--> 01:36:32

for learning this is a

01:36:33--> 01:37:14

story that's mentioned in the books of of the author. When he would come home and their houses, obviously they're not apartments, but they would have in all the outer gates, they would have the open you know courtyard and they would have the home with Mr. Mo kolani. Rhonda, hello is a very pious scholar, he would come from the from the beginning of his dub from the beginning of his place. And he would say is, he would say Allahu Akbar, and his wife on the inside, would then hear this is like, you know, calling on the cell phone, I'm coming home now. She would say Allahu Akbar and reply, then you would come into solidarity he he would come into the the main area of his home, like

01:37:14--> 01:37:55

his garden outside, and he would do his took via a logbook and his wife on the inside would say Allahu Akbar. And so he would enter the house, he would say aloha English, you would say Allahu Akbar back, and then she would take his shawl, and she would take his shoes, and she would take him and have the food prepared for him. And they had a very beautiful marriage. Then, because of the Muslim ban, Allah says that that one time he came home, and then at the at the outside of his house, he did his tech piece at aloha Aqua. And his wife didn't reply, until he came in. And this is something that he wasn't used to that his wife not replying his call. Then he came into the the main

01:37:55--> 01:38:04

area of the house. He said to me, he said Aloha. But she didn't reply. He walked into the house, he said a lot. But she didn't reply. And he found that the lights were off.

01:38:05--> 01:38:50

And he found that there was no food prepared. And he found that his wife was in a very sorry state. And he listened to what she was saying. And he said, What's wrong with Alexa, what's wrong? And she replied to him, that you have a special place with halifa. So ask him for a heart and ask him for a servant, and a will Muslim, he knew that something had gone wrong while he was away, but someone had done this to his wife. And so hon Allah This is also a side point, the danger of women that might come in between a husband and their wife, the sin of trying to make a woman turn on her husband, the sin of that. He knew that a woman had done this to his wife. And he said, Aloma, he said, Whoever

01:38:50--> 01:39:32

did this talk to my wife, for ami bussola make her blind for what she did to my wife. And that woman and indeed a woman had been there and had spoken to her and said the exact same thing when she saw the house, she told her how can you How can you do this to your husband? You know, how can you you know, get his shoes and prepare the food and stuff. Ask him to get a service for you ask him to do this work for you. And so she agreed with her and she started applying what she said and her later on, when will Muslim Allah made this door against her. She was at her house. And then she and she bought there, shut off the lights. And then she said turn on the Siraj turn on the candle, and they

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said the candles already on and she knew that she had lost her sight. And she knew that it was the sin of what she had done several Muslim Nicola and his wife, and she understood it and she went back to every Muslim and she asked him for forgiveness, and he forgave her and Allah subhanaw taala blessed her with it with her sight again. But we learned from the story.

01:39:52--> 01:40:00

We learned from the story two things First of all, how his wife rahima hula how she would prepare for him when he would come home.

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On how she would answer his call, and how she would take his shoes, take his jacket, take his shawl and prepare the food for him. This is different than the preparation for my husband comes and, and the smiling and the happiness that the husband comes home to him.

01:40:17--> 01:40:43

Okay, secondly, number two the second advice is that it's actually interesting advice a brother, he wants, you know, you'll see the the conditions of a brother one when they want to get married, but she has to be like, this has to be like that has to be like that some of you might know this story. But a sister, you know, husband went to his wife and says, Do you know a woman with these characteristics? And she goes, I know, you know the exact woman like this. And he said, Where, where? And she said, in general,

01:40:44--> 01:41:30

you'll find them they're called coda line. This is this is the secret of them. And then and you know, this brother says this to me. And it was interesting that Subhana Allah, that Allah subhanaw taala describes mister ahead agenda he describes the women of gender in the Quran. And one lesson that we very often bypass is that if this is the ultimate imperfection, then this is something that a model that the women can follow. It's a model that a woman can follow, and she can be the codename for her husband on Earth, on earth, and in general inshallah, she'll be the seed of the codename she'll be the Princess of all the photos, because of the way she actually was doing it. And the way

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I look at the characters in sha Allah, this is for the sisters to go back to the speaking of little COVID-19 you'll see that Allah subhanaw taala speaks of them as large eyed with the blackness. So you learn about the

01:41:43--> 01:42:11

in the eyes. And number two, Allah subhanaw taala speaks of them wearing and hottie wearing silk, right? The beauty of the clothes that they wear, and Allah subhana wa tada speaks about or aloha them, that's it, it's an ID Republic's on a lot. So the spoke of how the decoder lane synced to the, to the, to the husband's agenda. And so this is something also a technique to be used to sing to your husband in sha Allah, in this dunya, before the Hereafter, inshallah.

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And in the opposite of that situation that we said, where the husband comes home, everything's beautiful, and everybody's happy. And that beautiful magic that happens when the husband, but she also mentioned the opposite. And I think people were expecting me to say the opposite. But you're expecting that.

01:42:33--> 01:42:44

Imagine, he said, and he's not going to comment on the issue that the husband comes home, and you can just make up the scenarios, you know, as you're going along. But he comes home, there's no one to greet him.

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There's no one to beat him at the door sometimes.

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Sometimes the doors even locked, you know,

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back in May have to knock in the door is locked, and then the children are dirty. There's no food ready and a fight starts for the food. Also, the children are dirty, and then they get the guys tired.

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The guys tired and then he wants to go to to go to sleep, the children playing on the bed. You know, these kids filled his milk on the bed, there's crackers there, there's no where and then the only thing in his heart is that he wants to leave from where he came from. Right? He just wants to go back to what it is and some kind of luck amongst the kofod. They'll say that they're now finding more happiness at work than they are at home. right because they're more happy at being at work being away from this or going back to the house and being in that situation, as you said earlier with no commentary on that. And again, that's the shift towards point for point.

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Thirdly, position Habibullah continues that, to beautify oneself and to and to have that beautiful smell and the beautiful clothes for the husband and that that husband will become like a as he says like like a prisoner

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to that life because of the way she prepares herself for him.

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The province of Milan instead of like we sent him the idea that he said that the woman is fitna the woman is a fitna. Now if a woman's fitna that fitna can be used for good or it can be used for that. And the goodness or the good point is when she uses that that good fitna to win the heart of her husband, when to win the heart of her husband.

01:44:33--> 01:44:34

For you'll see that

01:44:35--> 01:45:00

as the CEO says that the a lot of the sisters might complain that the husband's always leaving the house, that he may speak about, you know, marrying a second wife and then he may speak about this woman and makes the wife angry and this in that. But you'll see that the associate says the look back and what he's coming home to because all around the man in his workplace, especially if they're working in an office

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Muslim environment. There's a woman you know, on the TV, there's women in the street, there's women in the in the supermarket. There's human on the left right up every direction of the man. And then he comes home. What is he coming home to? And and how is the this onslaught of the fitna from all around? What's he coming home to on what's he seeing back in his wife, and a lot of people that some of the like the men will say that, that the the beauty that caught the men in the first place made him like a prisoner that allowed him to get married in the first place. He says, out of vertical jump, he said that I can't I don't see that beauty that I once saw when when we were first married.

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And this beautification and Subhanallah a lot of times in Muslim countries, whenever there's a problem between the wife and the husband, and the husband is leaving the house and, and the woman wants to win the heart of the husband, she goes to a magician, she goes to like a soothsayer. To make a magical potion, take a few hairs from her husband, put it in this potion, mix it up, to try to win his heart. But somehow, Allah Subhana Allah bless the woman with her own techniques, and her own beauty that she can win. Then she can, you know, went over the heart of her husband, or the nature of herself and there's no need for her to do things like this. Allah subhana wa tada speaks

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and describes a woman in one of the verses where

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or the other mushrikeen has said that the that the angels are the daughters of Allah, that the angels of the daughters of Allah Allah subhanaw taala says in the Quran, warning me when I shut off in

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a movie in Allah subhanaw taala speaking about these daughters, and Allah subhanaw taala says a woman Eunice Shelton, Hillier loss of Hannah Tata says so is one brought up in jewelry, una shadowfell. Allah subhanaw taala is speaking about our daughters and girls, and describes them as growing up in jewelry, growing up in jewelry, and this is from the fitrah of the woman is that this jewelry and this beautification is with her from childhood. And you'll see even when there's a little girl, the parents are quick to go and pierced her ears, right? Even though the little girl because that's her nature is to beautify herself. And a lot of times. She says a lot of I don't

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think it happens in these countries. But the women you see the beautification section of these stores, I would imagine a store like maybe JC Penney, something one of those three levels stores, right? The first level is all beautification items, like the whole bottom floor is just makeup and perfumes. And and I remember growing up and I thought, How can there be so much, you know,

01:47:52--> 01:48:26

items for a woman to beautify herself with I mean, what do you buy what you leave behind? But there's so much for, and a lot of women and this is talking about Saudi Arabia, that if you see the women in the stores that the main thing that they're buying is beatification items. They're either buying dresses or buying new shoes or buying perfumes or they're buying this lipstick, or that lipstick or this haircare that haircare. And then, and as the shift said that please, you know, the brothers not listened to this, because they use it against them. He said, but with all these items, who

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gets the majority who sees these items? It's actually the other sisters. When the when the woman goes out to parties, or she goes with, you know, this Holocaust, the Holocaust, and she goes to a wedding here and a wedding there, that when that when that night comes to the White House was taking his wife, he sees his wife and and it's something shocking. So I never see you like this. Right? And the husband, his percentage of his beauty and these items is very small. And even amongst the kuffar. They'll say how can you even buy something just to wear it at home? You know, they'll say, Why do you wear hijab? Because you go, how can you say we buy these things that how can you just

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wait for your husband, it's, you know, the whole point is to work for other people. But the woman needs to take control of this and take a large percentage of this beautification and give it to her husband.

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Okay, the next technique is a shift, let's say is alpha Whoa, what it means, which is

01:49:26--> 01:49:42

which is joking, a joking nature of the wife and and a playing nature. Remember, when, when you were a young bit, and as the shift let's say, this is something that almost every, like young man that wants to get married, will always say that I want a wife.

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And this is a secret, one of the sisters know it, but I'm pretty much the brothers knowing that I want a wife that, that jokes around with me, that has a happy nature. It's funny to be with, right things like that. And I remember a brother that was getting married that I know that

01:50:00--> 01:50:40

He found out that his wife likes to play Nintendo. And he found out that you know, amongst the sisters that she's a joker and then she ends up panela this is something that actually this is something that makes the makes the person come closer to the wife come closer to her. And it's a nature that that is pleasing to the man the fact that she'll come up to him and be joyous and happiness and listen to his stories, even though they may be boring, you know, but to listen to her husband, and go and give and take with him, you'll see that the Prophet Solomon is sent him the key the lead here for this is that when several of the long line who got married and the prophets of

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Allah Aeneas and asked him about it, he said, Allah because Allah tala a book, Buddha hakuho takahiko, he said that he married a big that she would that she would play with her, she would play with you, and that you would make her you will make her laugh, and she will make you laugh. Because of her youth are the big.

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So you see that the province of Milan in cinemas understanding we take this from the sun, that the importance of a wife having the ability to to bring happiness to her husband to make jokes with him, to have that happy nature, and to also listen to the husband and give and take with him.

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And the Prophet sallallahu Sallam taught us to do that a person would say when they get married or the Prophet sallallahu Sallam said Allahumma igneous Luca Hydra Hydra mergeable to Holly becoming chariho Shalimar magical to Holly. The Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said that I

01:51:37--> 01:52:21

talk to people when they get married is that the person should say, aloha man. Yes. Aloha, aloha Cola, I asked you from her goodness, and the goodness that you put in her and I and I seek refuge in You from her evil and evil that, you know, that's part of her nature. Hello, Adam. I guess this isn't a proper translation for Gibraltar. But as Darren and I will say that from the from the evilness, or the charter is the emotional state, I guess it's hard to put into words, but you see, there's a cup. And it has a it says on the cup, it has a duck on it. And it has a duck with this cup of coffee. And it says there I don't do mornings. I don't do mornings. And then don't think there's

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just believing men don't do mornings either. Nobody does mornings, because in the mornings, nobody's happy. But what we're saying there is that in two sections, the woman should also understand these these moments where she's not like I say not in the mood to speak to your husband, and try to be patient in those in those times. And the husband also in the wife, when you see that the other spouse is is in this state. And with the marriage, you understand that there are certain times times like when if you know when the husband is doing this, or when the wife's doing sometimes in the morning, sometimes immediately when they come home, when when they're doing some work, that these

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are moments that if you try to, to do conversation with that person at that time, that it won't have a pleasant reaction. And if you understand this, then the patient at that time, you'll see that the province of Atlantis and then he also said that or it's hot on that a person divorces his wife during her menses during her hive. We took that in the lecture on the hive that, you know aloha Anna from the hichem of this and the wisdom is that the woman's emotions changed during that time. And so she may say things which aren't her normal, but if the woman understands this, then inshallah, to me that knowledge means for her to be patient during that times and to use that knowledge to take more

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control of that.

01:53:44--> 01:53:54

Okay, the next point, the fifth point is that a wife should thank her husband, thank her husband, for the goodness that he does to her.

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The prophets Allah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam and it's a very well known hundy that prophets with a lot is said and said to the women on the day read, he said, extending sadaqa to enable a token.

01:54:07--> 01:54:48

The Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said do sadaqa in abundance for I saw you to be the majority of the people of hellfire. And then the women or a woman asked just like a system I asked today the woman asked like why is this so the prophets of the lion is and I'm saying to kitna Leon, what's the formula Shira? Two things? And Subhanallah if you ask yourself, are these one of her characteristics? If they are, then she should know that this is something that could lead her to Hellfire? Indeed, it's one it's the major reason that she'll be taken to Hellfire and Subhanallah we often forget that we're not promised Jenna, that we're not promised Jenna. And just like the

01:54:48--> 01:55:00

province of Milan is and and he said he felt him when he when he called out to all the tribes on the Mount of Safa, he said Selenium Imani Masha de la oneone camino lija he said asked me what you wish for

01:55:00--> 01:55:15

Well, I can avail you not I can't help you in any way, on the day of judgment or in front of the loss upon Oh my God, if this is his daughter faltering, it'll be lavon and that he can save on the Day of Judgment. And what about other women, that it's not just the fact that the person

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is just Muslim and that the problem is gender, but the person has to work for, for that gender, that has to work. And one of the key ways to that gender for a woman is through her husband.

01:55:28--> 01:55:47

And the second thing was number one, to put it in Asha, took center Leon, which you curse too much, he curse a lot. And that cursing happens that when a woman may curse her husband, she sees something she say Curse you, Christian mother, Christian, Father, Christian, everything and that person comes out.

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Or she curses children also, that when the children do something bad that they'll say she'll say to them, you know, maybe you do this and she curses her child, but this is a major sin that she needs to stay away from. It's a major sin. Number two is that the Quran Allah Sheila, the Prophet sallallahu Sallam said that the husband will do good to his wife for a long period of time, the whole marriage for the good, he'll do good until she finds something wrong with her husband, something bad happens a bad situation. And then her reaction to that is that I've never seen any goodness from you. I've never seen any goodness of you.

01:56:28--> 01:56:29

It's upon a lot

01:56:30--> 01:56:47

at this point about saying thank you and you know, doing sugar. I mean, there's many Hadith about it's a complete issue as a prophet sallallahu Sallam said that escuela Loma Elias Quran, Allah subhanaw taala, will not be thankful or not think the person who does not think others.

01:56:48--> 01:57:26

This issue, actually the author here in this in this book about the surrendered wife, she has a chapter called the art of acceptance, the art of acceptance is actually the art of saying thank you. And there's a quote there, it says, it's the art is art of saying thank you, is the art of making someone who has just done a small favor for you wish that he might have done you a greater one wish that he might have done a greater one. And she gives an example in the book. And from the exam, you see that it may have happened that her husband once had taken her, you know, they're strolling on the beach, you know, late at night, and there's people selling jewelry, you know, expensive jewelry.

01:57:26--> 01:58:04

So he says to his wife, he says, choose whatever you want. She said that and the vendors, they were so happy that he had given her this option. He said, choose whatever you want, I'll pay for it. And what was the reaction that she said to him? She said, No, no, you spent too much already, I don't want anything. Let's go home. And then they end they go home from there. And it's a situation I think a lot of people have been into, that when when a person offers a gift, you see from the center that the Prophet sallallahu Sallam would always accept the gift, but always accept the gift, no matter who gave it, even if it was hard, and he would accept it and give something better in return.

01:58:04--> 01:58:41

But he would accept it. Because when that person gives an I remember when I was young, and our father would would give us gifts. And I would think what does he get out of it? No, he gets his money he he spends for the children's spends for the wife. And in the end, my father bought nothing for himself. So at that young age, I would think what what does he get out of why doesn't he go buy himself gifts. But I realized later that it's the pure happiness of giving the gift, that you're doing a favorite just to accept the gift, the person is spending that money. And it's a pleasure for the person giving the gift and the person who's receiving it. So it's this art of saying just Hello,

01:58:41--> 01:59:19

hello, and not replying back and hurting the person's feelings or something that and you'll see the two opposite if someone gives a gift, and a person doesn't accept it in a kind of way, do you think the person will think again to get another gift, the next time he wants to get a gift, he'll say, Well, if I bring the gift home, and and this is the reaction is going to be I'd rather not get the gift. Right. And so later on, you'll find that no gifts are coming anymore because of what may have happened in the beginning. But on the second point, that just like we said here that if a person gives an initial gift, and it's accepted graciously, that the person will continue to want to be in

01:59:19--> 01:59:24

that same position, and that you'll see the gifts coming bigger and bigger and more often.

01:59:26--> 01:59:30

The next point and number six is that

01:59:31--> 01:59:36

is to say sorry, is to say sorry to husband when something goes wrong.

01:59:37--> 01:59:59

And this is one of the one of the toughest techniques, but it's one of the most beneficial techniques in dealing with your husband is to not demean the argument. But when there's that something went wrong to immediately say sorry, with no buts. I'm sorry. And that's it. And in fact, psychologically, when when a husband you know may have done something, maybe even he did something

02:00:00--> 02:00:12

oppressive, okay. And then the wife says, I'm sorry, the husband and there's no fighting after that or anything. It's just I'm sorry, the husband falls back on himself and says to himself, was I unjust in what I did.

02:00:14--> 02:00:37

And it gives him like an avenue to justify what he's doing, causing it to happen more and more and again, but when there's no excuse, when the person just said, the spouse just says, I'm sorry. And of course, this applies for men too. If it just if it's just I'm sorry. And then there's no excuse the person can only go back, imagine if you're arguing with someone, and you say, you know, you did this. And the person says, I'm sorry.

02:00:39--> 02:01:17

And you did this too. And the principal, I'm sorry. You know, and you did, person can only go so far before they quiet down and they calm down. Now compare that to someone said that you did this and the person replies, oh, well, you did this too? Well, immediately, you feel that this guy's throwing fire and you're throwing wood, he's doing fine, you're throwing wood, you're igniting the fire bigger and bigger. Just try it. Whenever you get into the next fight, to say I'm sorry. And just don't say anything else. Just say I'm sorry. Sometimes you might even get frustrating. But then the person comes down immediately, you're giving them no avenue to speak out any further. Just say I'm

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sorry. Or, of course, the prophetic.

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The prophetic techniques all of a sudden is to remain silent, to remain silent. Of course, we said this in the techniques for the men also applies to the women to remain silent, and to say I'm sorry, and leave it at that.

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And the prophets of Allah in a cinema when we see from the center that there, there's it's very virtuous that a person leaves arguing, leaves arguing, even though they may be in the hop, that they leave. The fact is that there's a big argument going to happen is the Prophet sallallahu Sallam said, and as I'm awaiting Phil Jenna Lehman Caracol Mira, Allen kanima, headcorn, he said that I am kind of as I am of the house in general, for the person who leaves arguing, even though who may be in the UK, even though the truth may be with him. But if that person leaves the arguing for the sake of Allah subhanho wa Taala, to not get into this futile, arguing that there are promises great

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reward in general. And now this is the situation is the person is has the heart, what if the person doesn't have the heart, then they should have kept quiet from the beginning, it should kept quiet from the beginning.

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And also, as you're listening to these points, we're not saying that the the happy house or the happy family is the one that has no problems. That's not the happy house, the happy house is the one that knows how to deal with the problems. Because the problems are by the nature of human being, that they'll get into arguments and again to fight. But it's how to deal with the fight, and how to deal with the problems that come up so that the solutions can come too quickly. And that's the ideal house.

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Seventh Lee, which is very, very important, actually, the title of this book, The surrendered wife is based on this point. And that is a semi a will to listen and obey to the husband. And actually, the author here, there's a lot of chapters on that. And she has a chapter where she says about

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she's in chapter 13, she has a chapter called abandon the myth of equality, abandon the myth of a class, she's a non Muslim saying this, and the Prophet sort of line, a sentence. It's not about equality, but it's about a division of responsibility. It's about a division of responsibility. And you'll see in the Quran, Allah Subhana, WA, tada divides the Modi the inheritance. And you'll see in the tafsir, they said, because this is something when it comes attached to money that people are always fighting. And you'll see even though it's in the Quran, people still fighting as, as a shift, actually an eye on a conference, he says she had to do after the whole law, he said that in Egypt,

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you know, they're very keen on keeping this inheritance. And it gets so ugly amongst the family. And I've seen it happen, that this man, he had died and he he left he only had a daughter, and he wants, he hated his brothers so much, and there's no way he was going to get his brother would get the, you know, this big portion of the money that he had an operation done on his daughter to make her into a man just so she could take the inheritance. And it was raised to the Sharia courts. And in and the ruling was

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men Casa de it's a part of the PMM cluster, the custom first didn't borrow cleaver in a previous presentation, that whoever intends whoever intends an evil intention, he is dealt with in the contradiction of what he intended. And so they said even though this operation was that it's still we treat her as a girl and the monster goes to that but it's to that point and see Allah subhanaw taala divided the motif divided the inheritance, okay in this and the next annual see certainly that moving on Allah subhanaw taala

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says original ohkawa monada Nisa that the man is the one that he's in charge of the house, pretty much, but he's in charge and he's the Emir of his wife and his children. This is something also on you'll see that people are bent on arguing, and are bent on that. And when Allah subhanaw taala, we will see when this is something that people will argue with. It's Allah subhanaw taala, who chose who will be the Emir in the house, and it's not up for anybody to decide that. And if a woman truly wants to be successful, she can't go against the sin of Allah subhana wa Tada, the Sunnah, that Allah subhanaw taala put the people on, and that from the first step that she has to do, she has to

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surrender her husband, surrender the armor to him, and not treat him as if they're on a Shura, or something that that they're on an equal footing in what's going on, but treat him as the mirror. And so using the word show is not correct, for of course, the husband, the shooter with his wife, and back and forth, but in the end, the Ummah goes to the husband.

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The Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said five things is either similar to them or to Hamza masama. Chara.

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Bala Asana, troja, there's a fifth one, someone know the idea.

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Okay, five things. The Prophet sallallahu Sallam said that after these things, Kayla had hollington, Manila where the city, the province, if she pays her five kilowatt and faster month or month of Ramadan, and protects herself and obeys her husband, it will be said to her and allow them if there's a fifth part kokum I call this a lot in Salah

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that it will be said to her enter Jenna from any door that you wish, and to Jenna from any door that you wish. And the point here where the Prophet sallallahu is. And I've said, well Paul asked Bala, and she obeyed her husband, and she obeyed her husband. And this is a key one of the keys of Jenna. And actually as the next point that her husband is, is you can see or where her position on the day of judgment from her position with her husband and her obedience to Him. And there's not too many things that the woman is commanded with. And so if she works hard on those things that she was commanded with that inshallah to Allah, she'll get that success in this dunya and in the hereafter.

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Now,

02:07:24--> 02:07:26

yeah, the The fifth thing was that,

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forget the Arabic for her, but I believe you're right that if she protects his property,

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the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, a woman came to him or the lohana. And she asked the Prophet salallahu alayhi wasallam about al jihad. And very often when a sister is looking for a husband, she'll ask the question, does he want to go for a Jihad? What's his position on Jihad and so on? Correct. And she asked the Prophet sallallahu Sallam she said that these men that go for Jihad and and they get this this great reward. And so the woman asked that we help prepare them for this Jihad from Atlanta. And then ecology like what's our percentage of this reward? profit cell Elias and him said to her, and she said that I'm actually should begin Heidi or she began her

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statement by saying that I'm the spokesperson for all the women, on the spokesperson on all tell them the Prophet sallallahu Sallam said, I believe he meant to kill him in the Nisa and authority zone, or acted off on behalf to he he had to do Delica vocally Roman couldn't follow. The Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said, that tell the other women, tell the other women, that you're obedience to your husband, and acknowledging his hug upon you

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is equal to that she had

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to obey your husband, and to accept or understand his hug upon you is is the equivalent of that is the equivalent of those men that go for jihad, and that quote, kalila men couldn't follow and that there are only a few of you that actually do this. And so it's an enormous reward just like we said, it's about gender and not and it's also about this great reward, as he had a feasibility law and sort of form and understands this is not just an option, but her she had to listen to her husband until they then inshallah Tada, these great rewards will be heard. And so not only as maybe a non Muslim woman does this for some worldly benefit, but a Muslim woman does this for the pleasure of

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Allah subhana wa Donna. And one of the greatest things that are one of the highest things that the woman and you see many a hadith coming up is that she should answer her husband, if he calls her to alpha rush, or for intimate relations. The Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said, either directly or virtually morato lil frosh Phelan tettey, the birth of abandoned Ali her Nana telemarketer had to spell Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said, If a man calls his wife to alpha rush, and she doesn't come and he goes to sleep, in a state of anger against her

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That the angels curse that woman until until the morning and in another Hadith another way

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that the Prophet salallahu alayhi wa sallam said that Allah subhana wa tada will be angry with her until her husband becomes pleased with her again. And now this is not a question of when when we hear this headache not to allow any arrogance to come up, but the Prophet sallallahu Sallam holesaw De Palma Stokes Allah Mohan, he said, He's telling the truth, and these are Hadith or multifocal Ali, they're in the highest level of authenticity, and the highest level of authenticity. And this is all about

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obeying the husband and listening to the husband and the Prophet sallallahu. In fact, on top of that, that even her good deeds will not be accepted, until she's obedient to her husband, until she's obedient to the husband. The Prophet sallallahu Sallam said, If nanny Leia was salata, Hama Osama

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rotten acid Zoda

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the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said that there are two people that their Salah will not go beyond their head, meaning they won't come anywhere close to being accepted by Allah subhana wa Tada. And out of the two the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said, and a woman who disobeyed her husband, who disobeyed her husband, that Allah subhanaw taala will not accept her Salah until she goes back to her husband and pleases Him.

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Personally who Jagan now when it comes to this, listening and obey, of course this listening obey a seminar with pa isn't anything other than how Tom, right if the husband tells his wife, take off your hijab don't wear it and embarrasses me. Of course, the woman doesn't, doesn't listen to that. Now that's on an extreme, but you'll see that the husband, for the majority of the party will ask for things that are mobile, that are just permissible, you know, to ask, or to be asked to wash the dishes is not something in disobedience to Allah subhanho wa Taala or to ask to do this in that. And so this is what to listen to these things becomes wedges upon the wife, it becomes fun, that she

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listens to that, for this is a Samaritan law.

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And the Prophet sallallahu Sallam said that a human will attend method causada unheralded the holiday agenda. It's a very simple equation. The Prophet sallallahu Sallam said that sent him out of the alohar. And there is that the Prophet said a lot, she heard the prophets a lot. So I'm gonna say that any woman who dies in a state where her husband is pleased with her, has entered Jenna, that that's a conclusion she dies, her husband is pleased with her at that time that she she passes away that she'll be entering gender because of that pleasure that she brought to her husband.

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And you'll see as the sheer hospital law says that this is a secret of the man is that he's quick to get angry. And he's quick to be pleased also, that the man can be like a lion as soon as something wrong happens. But with just a little of this hidden magic, right with the husband, you'll see quickly just like a spark of a match that that anger turns to happiness and pleasure. And so if you know you have that control, that inshallah take good care of that control.

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And this also applies to admit to do Kidman, I guess to service the husband, and this is talking about all that we said about taking care of the house taking care of his dunya as the you see many weddings will say this point of this hikma of the Muslims of the past that they'll say cornella, who admitted You're lucky that be as a slave girl to him. And he will be as a slave to that. And cornella who didn't you couldn't be as the earth for him his dunya and he will be your agenda for you. That and indeed and speaking on demand side that when when a woman does this, they may not know the results. But immediately when when a wife does something good to the husband, the first thing

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that enters his heart is how can I pay back this goodness? How can I pay back this goodness. And when something bad happens? Tim first thing comes to his mind is revenge. Right? The husband wants to revenge. So if this isn't the wife's hand, and this control, that she should use it in sha Allah because she wants to be successful in her marriage. She wants to be successful in a marriage and success for their husbands to do those good things that will cause the reaction to be an AMA for him to be like a slave girl for him. And that in return, you will find him to be a slave back to

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Okay, then the shift spoke about

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work is the next point. I believe it's point number nine or 10.

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That if that work and humans are fed to have six members, Emma Hello, Todd, and how and it's a totally different issue about a woman working outside of the house. But he said that if if at any point that that work out of the house

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is hurting her heart to her husband, and hurting her heart to her children hurting the hub that she has towards her family in her household, that it's hard for her to do that, as long as there's no daughter and her leaving leaving the house. But if it's hurting that, and it's just some, it's a non necessity that she's leaving the house, that her health cover of her husband and her family is more important than the work that she would be doing outside of the house.

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Number 11 on number 11

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they are not the hardest part to help your husband in worshipping Allah subhana wa Tada. And

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that Allah subhanaw taala, blessed like we said, bless the wife with certain techniques that you can use and that good fitna that you can use for her husband, the one of the main things that she can help her husband in is being a better Muslim. And the shift mentioned the story of a woman who used to pray with her husband and they had a beautiful life, she would say that they at a certain time, maybe eight o'clock, nine o'clock, they'd put the children to sleep. And then her and her husband would get up and pray Pamela's together, they would get up together, he would lead the prayer, and she would pray behind him Pamela together. And she said it was the most beautiful years of her life.

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And indeed, when a person comes to Allah subhanaw taala with this a bed that Allah subhanaw taala will bring happiness in their life. And she said that then there came a time where they wanted to get involved with the stock market. And they they put their their money in some interest bank here and put their money there and they started dealing with interest. And so the market went down. And they're $1 went to like five cents, and everything in the house that starts selling things and it went down and then the fight started increasing fight start increasing. And I'm sure everybody can imagine a situation like that, until finally they got into a fight one night, and she's screaming at

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him. He's screaming back. She said just divorce me. And that man said, You are divorced, you're divorced, you're divorced three times. And she started crying, the daughter starts crying and it ends in divorce. And she said fella, How beautiful are the days where we used to worship Allah Subhana Allah data and how evil were the days when we turned away from Allah subhanaw taala return to the disobedience and in the Quran,

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Allah subhana wa tada and so tillbaka when he speaks about the threat of divorce, right in the middle of the day, you will find that Allah Subhana tada says close upon OData has a lot of flow to slaughter Tina was follow up

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on eating in the middle of the verse of the verse before speaking about divorce the reverse after speaking about divorce right in the middle half you do Arlo Salawat, that protect yourself, protect yourself. And it's as if the person right in the middle and they end they a person I know when they're going through a divorce or something, they'll be reading these verses, and they'll be going to certainly say reading these verses, and right in the middle of what they're reading, they see half with a lot of Salah protect yourself or if anybody comes to counseling, the number one thing that should be told to them is go and protect yourself, ah, brother, sister, go and protect

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yourself. Come to fetch it together. That if you want your marriage to be successful, bring your wife and you come from Frederick every single day and see what kind of a difference it'll make in your life. But when a family you'll see that when a family is having hard times. You can ask don't ask about this and that ask them how's their salah and there's no way or law either that that they're doing their soul properly. That there's something wrong with Ursula from the beginning there's something wrong with the right bed of Allah subhana wa tada and their understanding of the deen that's led them to to these evil results. And so sometimes you'll see people that that are

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having marital problems sometimes they'll come I've never seen them they've never come to the masjid and they say we have a marital problem. Because of that, that distancing from the back of Allah subhanaw putana.

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And as as one of the Sahabi says that in Nila ocilla Ferrara, Delica ficolo karate with a Betty and this goes for the husband and the wife. He said that Verily Allah disobey Allah Subhana Allah Donna and find the result of that disobedience in my wife and in my camel in his in his animal which would be our car, you know for these days. So you get up in the morning, you know, we may have missed her you go in the car doesn't work, but there's a flat tire, that a lot of it could be a result of that, of that disobedience to Allah subhanaw taala and a person will disobey Allah subhana wa tada and then come home and find the result of that in the way his wife acts with him and the wife the

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similarly she'll disobey Allah subhanho wa Taala and she'll see the result of that and her husband and the way he treats her because of her own disobedience to Allah subhana wa Donna and they say that the word say no claim, but I'ma holla to Allah. He mentioned this

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Yeah. And he said that not only in the day of judgment will the will this sin have such an evil effect, but in the dunya, he started mentioning Hadith after Hadith and situation after situation of the evil effects of the sin on a person in this dunya that even if the person was just being smart about wanting to have a pleasurable life, that he wouldn't disobey Allah subhana wa Tada, just for the dunya because of the say, that the SU does evil to him, and this dunya even before the hereafter.

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And when it comes to, I know helping your husband to do good, and helping to be a better Muslim, that you need to use the proper dollar techniques, that Subhanallah you'll see if there's a new sister that comes to the masjid, how nice you are to her, and how you give her time and you give her stages, you know, you say there's the second stage, and then there's the Medina stage with the, with the new Muslims, when it comes to the husband. It's just, you know, you have to do it now or else. And then Subhanallah it's, it's always something wrong.

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Or it's also I mean, in the situation to use cursing words against the husband, even if they're not doing something, or they're disobeying Allah subhanaw taala I mean, there's stages where, where it may come to that, but that's a very, that's after a lot of stages. Right? And the first thing is that you want to use kind of words to remind the person of maybe this family and that family and not to say why can't you be like so and so's husband? He does this he does that would rather maybe mention it the the shifts advice was not saying you should be like so and so. But rather just say that, did you know that so and so one for federal prayer and just leave it at that and then don't

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comment any more than that inshallah help you for your husband to go for fetcher and help them from other salata Gemma, a praying in the masjid and his brother, and his, in his care and in those things, all those goodnesses that you want to help your husband This is

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okay, almost coming to the conclusion

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that you should try to work according to your husband's desires, and work according to that, that it goes with the listening, you know, the seminar will pause listening and obeying. And also, as we saw in the story of a smell, or the lawanna, that this is, you know, she knew that this was wasn't something that her husband would like. And so she she was working with that. And she was doing that in accordance to his desires.

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Also to protect your husband's money to protect your husband's money. And you'll see

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from this defense of the unser, women that the Prophet sallallahu Sallam said, they are the best women to ever walk on the earth. After Of course, clld Allah Han Han and the people that are mentioned in the ad, but he said that,

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that one other c factor, their characteristics is that they protect the wealth of their husband is that they protect the wealth of the husband. And you see many problems that happen in the family is because of the ill treatment that may happen with with the money in the family.

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Another point is that the woman should find out those things that the husband likes, his hobbies, his hobbies, as she says that, actually the author of this book, she says that she said her husband would like suppose your husband likes kites, for example. She said, I don't like kites. And I know nothing about what you went out and bought like books on kites, and started, you know, learning all about kite and then she would discuss with him about this thing that he liked. And immediately, she saw that she had one has heart, because she was discussing because you know, the husband doesn't want to hear about this perfume, this new perfume that came out of that perfume. But if it's

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something that I mean, and you're trying to win his heart, that if you speak something on his level that he understands, and then you win his heart, and that discussion and your livelihood with him.

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And to choose the best words and the end like the sweetest words with your husband when you speak to him, and to be careful with using harsh words because anybody would love to hear good words and they don't want to hear bad words. And sometimes some sisters may say that, that with everybody else, they speak the nicest, as soon as the phone picks up, and there's some other sister on the phone, it's a different sister on the line. And then when the phone goes down, that you know the language changes, the tone of voice changes, maybe you know it goes from there, but you should choose that beautiful way of speaking with other sisters to continue that speech with your husband.

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Okay, but one of the important parts also is that you should protect your husband's family and be very kind with them and not speak ill of the husband's mother and father and brothers sisters and his family in general. Because the husband, you know he has a special position for those people, his family members. And so if a woman attacks those family members that that the husband will take it as a direct attack on him.

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The shift then

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mentioned. So we're coming to the conclusion soon that he mentioned

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a story where this woman was having problems with her with her husband. And so the shift,

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she's having problems with her husband, and the other woman told her we'll go to this pious man, and he'll give you some advice, you know, do some counseling. So she went to this, this person to get the counseling. And, and the person said, You know, I can help you on condition or, you know, you first have to do something. He said, I need you to bring me three hairs from a lion. And you bring three hairs like a folktale, I need you to bring three hairs from a lion. So she said, okay, and she was very keen on being successful in a marriage. So she went out to the, you know, to the open area to the desert, and she found

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this lion and the lion started attacking, and she had brought with her food, and she like a lunch basket. I wonder when the lion came charging, she threw out the food, and which averted the lion. He ate the food and it was filled and then left. So she kept doing this day after day, every time she would come out, the lion would charge she would throw, throw the food out, he would take the food, and go until the lion got used to her and became you know, friendly with her. And then she started coming closer and closer to the line until the line eventually allowed her to sit on on its back. And when she was on the back of the line, she found the three hairs in her hand, she took it up even

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from the the main of the line, took the three years, went back to that wise man and said, Here are the three hairs. And he said do the same for your husband. He said do the same for your husband, if you can tame that lion didn't self love. You can you contain.

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In conclusion, Peter understand two things. Number one, that the Prophet sallallahu Sallam said

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that every son of Adam makes mistakes. And the best of those people who make mistakes are those who do Toba. And so number one, we have to understand that our spouse is a human being is a son or daughter of Adam, and that he or she makes mistakes. And so if you see that mistake, don't think that it's something strange, but it's the normal but the key is to come back to a last panel. And all of this comes after the topic of Allah subhana wa Tada. And so the person has to make dua to Allah subhanho wa Taala to give them the trophy to be successful in the marriage successful in the dunya. And successful in the Hereafter is alkaline for paying attention. Kunal Kohli Heather was

02:27:32--> 02:27:33

stopped for a while you were locked