Channel: Mufti Menk
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As salam o alaikum, the big question, When should I get married? Well, it's not only about marriage, and it's not an easy answer to that. It's connected to opportunities that Allah gives you. And situations that come up, that Allah shows you. And proposals that come in your direction that Allah makes happen. So Allah loves all of us enough to give us an opportunity, an opportunity to either get a job or to either do a business deal or to either get married or to either achieve something, Allah dangles these in front of us and lets these big ships dock on our coast at least once, at least once. In most cases, it's only once.
In many cases, it happens a few times, in very few cases, it will happen a lot. Subhanallah SubhanAllah. So listen to this.
People say, Well, I'm studying, I don't know, should I get married? Shouldn't I get married? I can't just say yes or no, you know, the guy might not want me to get married to him. But I'm talking to a global audience where they are different cultures, people sometimes have arranged marriages that are not bad, actually, depending on what level of arrangement it is. For as long as the parties are ultimately happy that the primary, the bride and the groom have met each other before the marriage, and they have spoken to each other and they are both happy, then for even if the meeting was arranged initially, it's okay, no problem. Those work actually much better than the others. And
sometimes people get to know each other at work or at school and they want to get married. And you know what, my beloved parents don't just say no to things. Allah sins, a brilliant person for your child, sometimes only once that ship is not going to dock on your Coast again. Your opportunity Allah says, I sent you I sent you the best of the entire community, the whole city, the best of the entire city, just because he was of a different nationality. You said no, well, I told you not to do that. So there it goes. You lost it, and you lost it for everyone and you are responsible. Why? Because you didn't follow the guidance we gave. We told you look at the dean, look at the religion
look at the character look at how, how responsible the individual is, are they outstanding, if they are, let it happen for as long as both. Both principals are happy, meaning the bride and the groom, for as long as they are happy. Let it be.
It's not easy to release your kids but you have to because they belong to Allah before you. That's the reason. So you have to let it happen. Sometimes Allah sends an amazing human being I know of a case where there was a man with beautiful lineage and he came with great character and conduct his lineage traced back to Quraysh and the father of this
girl from the subcontinent flicked him off like you can't believe years later
that guy's married mashallah, happily this person is still struggling struggling with a lot of issues. It's not a nice thing. If you ask me when is the best time to marry I tell you, when Allah facilitates things that it be when you're young.
Many people who grow up in traditional homes that are cultured, they may never feel they're ready to get married maybe so sometimes you need a little bit of a reminder you need to be at a slightly you know pushed to say consider this Come let's try and think about this about this about this and we give a few opportunities but open your eyes if that's an outstanding person meet them there's nothing wrong with them and then say no if you don't want if you're not happy but meet them and if they're really good meet again if you want and then what would happen is you can say okay, I'm happy I didn't think that I would marry before completing my studies but here I am, because the guy's
outstanding inshallah I hope everything go well. I'm following advice of the prophets of salaam he never ever said finish your studies. First. He never said marry a man who's already got a big salary. You marry people in the early times of their lives because you should grow together. That's the Islamic teaching. Today we're looking for wealthy people who have so much and so on. That is what is causing the disaster my brothers, my sisters, it's really not going to happen twice when a good person knocks on your door. Don't ever let go of that good person.
What that means is a brilliant outstanding individual is coming to propose for your sister or your daughter or your you know your child or whoever it may be Subhanallah don't let them go. If they're good, they were sent by Allah that is risk. Don't kick your risk. Don't kick what Allah has sent to you. Allah will hold you accountable to say I sent such and such who is a good friend of mine. He could be a friend of Allah. I sent him to your door knocking you treated him with so much of you no disrespect.
Subhanallah What do you want in return?
We have now forgive us.
What excuse did you use to say no, my daughter's still quite young. Yeah, good. Good. Did you ask her if she said
Now, fair enough, what if she wants to do it? And sometimes people say, How did you know about my child? Well, the world is a global village. We know about everyone today Subhanallah we know about the people who are hiding in their cupboards, because they're also on their phones. May Allah forgive us, may Allah grant us good use of our phones. But I'm giving you a true example a reality of life. So it's important to complete your studies, yes. But in the interim, if something crazy comes up, really outstanding and good, you can adjust, you can adjust inshallah you can finish late and who knows, a lot of people haven't finished after that, and they're so excited for not having
finished. And so many people finish up, they've lost a good spouse, because they said no. And then at the same time, they never work in the field of study. And sometimes they do, but they're leading a life that's not happy at all. Sometimes the boat is gone. You missed it. Why did you miss it? Allah says, like, don't don't think we didn't send you someone we sent you. You say, No, you declined, you denied, you threw you kicked out. That's what you did. Sometimes we're too fussy. We're looking for a person who doesn't exist, doesn't exist. Subhanallah maybe in general.
You know, there was on a lighter note, there was someone who, who had major marital problems that went to try and resolve the matter. And this guy says, you know, when I married her, she said, I only want a person who's going to be taking me to Jannah That's it. No preconditions no nothing. I just want someone who's going to take me to Jana. Now, when you hear that, obviously, you're very excited and very happy to hear that. I want someone who's going to take me two gentlemen. Okay. So now, this woman's fighting about accessories and makeup and perfume, and this and that. And so he says, Listen, we wasn't the dealer, you wanted to go to Geneva. So we do our Salah, we dress
properly, we do whatever, whatever. We read Quran and we do the extracts of Ibadah and so on. So I said yes, my sister, you know, this is quite a it's quite an embarrassment that the problem has come to this. When you did admit when you are admitting that you said you wanted a husband who take you to Jana? She said yes, yes, yes. But Jenna starts here in this world.
Whoa, what an interpretation. Jenna.
What is Jenna Jenna in this world? I mean, if you can't afford to give me what I want, then what are you going to give me in the hereafter also, stop saying I just want a man who's going to take me to gender if you're a materialistic person, if you're going to be fighting selfishly over a few things, yes, your rights must be fulfilled, no denial, but I'm saying over and above that you're very demanding you putting a lot of pressure on this guy for material things. When the professor seldom spent months on end, sometimes no food in the house besides dates and water, you know that? May Allah forgive us. So getting back to the issue of opportunities they come in your life, business or
whatever else it may be. You need to be strong enough. You need to understand, look into it, realize it, try and figure it out, talk to some genuine people about it.
And if it is a good thing, let it be whether you're a person involved directly as one of the primary parties, the bride or the groom, or you're a parent or your brother, or whoever else you may be, let it happen. Let it be by the word of Allah. May Allah accept it from all of us and grant all of us spouses who will be the coolness of our eyes. I mean, colloquially Hallo salaam aleikum wa rahmatullah.