DONATION APPEAL!

ALL our Projects are FREE and with no advertisements.

We serve millions of downloads a month... Now! Imagine earning on-going rewards of every lecture and quran audio and so on.

As well as helping us cover our running costs and future projects!

mufti menk image

"I really think this is one of the greatest causes one could support"

    Become a Patron
    Donate via PayPal

More Information and Options

Raising a Righteous Ummah

share this pageShare Page
Mufti Menk

Channel: Mufti Menk

Episode Notes

Episode Transcript

© No part of this transcript may be copied or referenced or transmitted in any way whatsoever. Transcripts are auto-generated and thus will be be inaccurate. We are working on a system to allow volunteers to edit transcripts in a controlled system.


00:00:00--> 00:00:02

Lama alikum warahmatu Allahi wa barakato

00:00:07--> 00:00:11

Salam alaykum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh

00:00:15--> 00:00:23

so that helped. Mashallah Bismillah al Rahman al Rahim al hamdu lillahi wa kafa wa sallahu wa salam, ala Abadi, Latina stafa

00:00:25--> 00:00:47

we praise Allah upon all conditions, He is the Creator, he created entire creation He created you and die. He created those before us. He created those we like he created those we don't like. He created the Muslims. He created the non Muslims, he created humankind. He created animals, he created all the other creatures Why?

00:00:49--> 00:00:58

He is the Creator. He created it because he wanted to create entire creation. And he says warmer color cotton gin

00:01:00--> 00:01:02

in earlier

00:01:04--> 00:01:45

I haven't created mankind and jinn kind except for them to worship Me, which means I'm going to test them I want them to do something if they do it the way I tell them to do it. They will be successful if they don't do it the way I wanted. They have failed All praise is due to Allah. All praise is due to the maker the nareesha, the cherisher, the Sustainer the provider, the protector, the cure, the one in whose hands lies your happiness in mind, the one in whose hands the lies the solution to your problems in mind, the one in whose hands lies your paradise and mind your forgiveness and mine.

00:01:47--> 00:01:50

May Allah subhanho wa Taala be praised. I mean,

00:01:51--> 00:02:06

Praise be to Allah upon all conditions. We send blessings and salutations upon Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, we prove that we are not jealous of those whom Allah has raised above us. Rather we thank Allah for those gifts.

00:02:07--> 00:02:50

Because it is Allah who chooses who to elevate and who to drop. When he chose the best of creation as Muhammad peace be upon him. We consider it an honor, we follow him. When he chooses some above others, we consider it his power. We ask Allah to bless every one of us with the blessings and salutations upon Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, we don't forget to send blessings and salutations upon those who came before from the time of Adam because they will all humankind. And the messengers who came with their own companions, some had few some had more. May Allah bless even the companions of Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wasallam and every one of us and

00:02:51--> 00:02:55

our offspring, those to come up to the end say amin,

00:02:56--> 00:03:12

may Allah bless them, you might be thinking I don't have offspring. Well, if you make dua for blessing offspring, Allah will grant you a blessing spouse. So when we say May Allah give you a blessing offspring, may Allah bless our offspring say amin, in order for spouses, I mean,

00:03:14--> 00:04:06

my brothers and sisters, I want to tell you while we're talking about raising the spoon, and the children of this beautiful oma, we must start by thinking of Allah subhanho wa Taala as the creator, the one whom we are going to go back to definitely, you're going to go back to Allah, I'm going to go back to Allah, He made me I did not choose my parents, I did not choose the location of my birth, I did not choose my race, I did not choose the amount of wealth that I would be born into, or the conditions moments ago, we saw these children, it is our duty to reach out to them even if it means buy a car, or buy a few nice IRAs or dollars or pounds because Allah could have placed me in exactly

00:04:06--> 00:04:24

that place. But I thank Allah showing gratitude to Allah that He has made me much better than so many, I will reach out to those whom Allah has perhaps not chosen what he chose for me, but trust me, he's chosen certain things better for them than I

00:04:28--> 00:04:40

unlock gives everyone gifts, but they need to recognize those gifts. When we talk of raising the oma and raising our children, we need to understand like I said, the first thing is, who is Allah?

00:04:41--> 00:04:59

He's your maker. He made me and like I said, I didn't choose my color. So I must respect all colors. I didn't choose my nationality, life has become such that we have arrived at a point where your nationality is connected to certain factors.

00:05:00--> 00:05:23

But Allah subhanho wa Taala chose for you where you will be born, hence, or the circumstances surrounding your life. So you have a certain nationality, if it is connected to your birth, you had nothing to do with it. And if it is connected to your movements, perhaps you may have had a small role that Allah allowed you. But I want to tell you, my brothers, my sisters,

00:05:24--> 00:05:33

if you understand who is allowed, you will understand that you and I are here temporarily, life will definitely be a struggle.

00:05:36--> 00:05:50

Life is going to be such a struggle because Allah wants us to appreciate paradise. If life was not a struggle, and we had everything that we wanted or needed in life, then paradise would lose its value.

00:05:52--> 00:06:02

You need to realize that Allah has created difficulties in order for us to prove our connection with him. So they will be hardship.

00:06:04--> 00:06:09

They will be loss of life, they will be calamity, and Allah tells us while

00:06:12--> 00:06:16

I'm going to test every one of you with what

00:06:18--> 00:06:25

be showing me no Sophie, well, Judy, with a little bit of fear and some hunger

00:06:30--> 00:06:38

and loss, material loss. Allah says I'm going to test you, I'm going to test you one

00:06:40--> 00:06:40

time our

00:06:43--> 00:06:53

loss of life, loss of produce, so much of loss in various aspects of your life. Allah says he's going to test every one of us may Allah make it easy for us.

00:06:54--> 00:07:04

So those of us who think that life is going to be a little paradise are mistaken. the wealthiest of us also has issues and problems and difficulties and hardship.

00:07:05--> 00:07:14

When Allah gives you get close to Allah, when Allah takes away from you get close to Allah, you are just a human when you falter, turn back to Allah.

00:07:17--> 00:07:39

So when you know that Allah is the Creator, he made me without me being chosen to be made, you will understand that Allah Almighty will choose offspring for us. Primarily he chooses for us our spouses, although he has given us a role to play in that.

00:07:40--> 00:07:47

You want to marry someone Subhana Allah, be like a person whom that person will want to marry as well.

00:07:48--> 00:08:07

You have a person who wants to marry a good guy, a pious guy, or a man who wants to marry a good woman, a lovely pious woman who is connected to Allah subhanho wa Taala. But they are not interested in leading their lives in a way that that person would want someone like them.

00:08:08--> 00:08:34

That's a point of starting. When I want to marry, I need to be the person that someone of that nature would want to marry in the first place. So let's mend our connection with Allah will happen without a connection with Allah. And Allah knows we are human because he made us. You connect yourself with Allah, you've done a favor to everyone who's going to interact with you right up to the end.

00:08:35--> 00:08:42

When you disconnect from Allah, you've actually paid a disservice to yourself to begin with.

00:08:44--> 00:09:16

You disconnected, you unplugged. This is why Salah is five times a day, connection with Allah is every day. The reason is, you need that connection in order to be able to protect yourself, connect yourself to your maker and connect those who are going to be connected to you with the maker as well. You might be thinking, we're talking of raising the oma, where are you going? Where did you start? Well, I want to start in a different way. My brothers and sisters I'm very, very proud of Lagos today.

00:09:20--> 00:09:21

May Allah bless you

00:09:22--> 00:09:31

in your 1000s sitting for hours listening to color Allahu wa Kala rasuluh is not a joke. May Allah bless you.

00:09:33--> 00:09:47

I don't know what it must have cost it to put up this facility for today and whatever is here, but I feel like giving double the amount of whatever the ticket was to one oma so that the next time they have it, they can actually have it free for us.

00:09:50--> 00:09:59

say if you would really like to appreciate what you have been blessed with today. You need to dig into your pocket over and above thanking Allah

00:10:00--> 00:10:08

Because this, I can tell you is not free. One oma, I am proud of this achievement. May Allah bless you, and grant you strength.

00:10:09--> 00:10:34

Allah He, it's amazing. From where I'm standing, if you could see what I can see Subhan Allah Subhana Allah, you would know that people fear Allah, they love Allah, they want to be closer to Allah, even though they are living in the challenges of the world that are so tempting that we actually falter sometimes. But we want to love We love Allah and we want a lot to love us, don't we?

00:10:36--> 00:10:37

May Allah love all of us.

00:10:39--> 00:10:47

So my brothers and sisters, the biggest favor you can do your unborn children is to choose for them a mother or a father, who's going to be the best?

00:10:48--> 00:10:49

Did you hear that?

00:10:50--> 00:11:11

The biggest favor you can do for your unborn children is to choose a mother or a father for them who will be the best. So remember, moments ago we had Sheikh Abdel Hamid and the others speak about how we will be recruiting for a job Subhana Allah the job as a spouse, but I'm also a spouse of Hannah law.

00:11:14--> 00:11:33

So that favor that you're doing your children would start off by you improving yourself as you're young. And as you're growing older sister Marian told us moments ago that 70% of those attending today, according to some who just did a quick survey are unmarried Subhan Allah

00:11:35--> 00:11:38

May Allah best bless you with the best of offspring,

00:11:39--> 00:12:04

you know that you are right. You know that you are what that means is, it's an inclusive, it includes in it, your spouse, and whatever else and the happiness that comes with it and then the offspring that would be given the best of upbringings by the best of parents. I mean, but I must be the best parent myself. In Allah Allah yovani Roma be comin had you, ye Roma be

00:12:06--> 00:12:33

fusi him, Allah is not gonna change the condition of a nation until and unless every individual changes himself or herself. I must start with myself. People say the problems we are facing as an oma that wants to blame that wants to blame that wants to blame. Yes, people might look and lay blame but the solution of it lies with you and I if every one of us can change ourselves, trust me, we've changed the whole oma. May Allah grant us that change.

00:12:34--> 00:12:52

So my brothers and sisters as we grow older, and like I said, I'm addressing people who are mostly not married, improve yourself, develop your taqwa develop your consciousness of Allah, why he made you. That's why he created you. That's why Allah Allah.

00:12:55--> 00:13:31

Allah, Allah, Allah me, indeed for him was the creation he made he created in the first place. So he has the right to instruct to issue an instruction. Why do you think Allah has the right to tell you and I what's halal and haram? Why do you think Allah has the right to tell you and I to fulfill our Salah five times a day because he made you That's why he made you so he has the right had he not made us he wouldn't have any right to tell us worship me alone. Subhana Allah

00:13:32--> 00:13:37

so when you worship Allah alone, you've developed yourself. You begin to see the light

00:13:39--> 00:13:40

you know what Allah says?

00:13:41--> 00:13:45

Yeah, are you hella Vina man Oh,

00:13:47--> 00:13:50

taco LA, ya Lancome for

00:13:52--> 00:14:24

all you who believe if you are going to develop your relationship with Allah, he's going to give you the ability to distinguish criterion, the ability to tell between right and wrong between that which is correct, incorrect, the darkness and the light, all of that you are given a gift from Allah to be able to tell what to do and what not to do. My brothers and sisters many of us are drowning in materialism, where our makeup means more than our own salon.

00:14:28--> 00:14:56

So panela and it's not fair for me to just give an example of makeup because the brothers are also deep into the design, the names and so many other materialistic things that cause the wealth, the earning, etc. All of that there is a limit to its permissibility and that is if it comes in the way between you and Allah, then that's where you stop because Allah gets preference always.

00:14:57--> 00:15:00

So don't let yourself drown in material

00:15:00--> 00:15:32

realism, it's not about your accessories. It's not about the latest phone, although we appreciate those things because we are just human. Mashallah, we are human, I can speak for myself. If I see, for example, I have a phone called the Samsung, nine plus, I have it. I'm sure when the 12 plus comes out, I'll give the 10 a break, perhaps the 11 a break when the 12 comes out, I'm going to be keen to look at it and think I need to update my phone. It's human nature.

00:15:33--> 00:15:51

But I'm not going to steal anyone's money in order to do that, nor am I going to do something clandestine in order to be able to achieve something I want. No, I must still remember, I belong to Allah, my duty unto Allah is such that I will ever I will fulfill whatever I should for the sake of Allah.

00:15:53--> 00:16:07

relying upon Allah to ensure meaning Allah will ensure once you rely on Allah, Allah will ensure that you're taken care of, you know, I like to give this example. Why Am I mad?

00:16:13--> 00:16:15

Illa Allah loves

00:16:17--> 00:16:31

everything that walks on Earth, Allah promises that it is up to us to cater and provide for those things that move, everything that moves, we will provide for it, we guarantee

00:16:34--> 00:16:41

when a mark can take care of an ENT that I cannot see, do you really think I was not going to take care of me? You and I.

00:16:43--> 00:16:52

Moments ago, I was speaking to a group of sisters, I asked them who from amongst you is married, all of them said we're not married Subhan Allah.

00:16:53--> 00:16:54

May Allah make it easy.

00:16:55--> 00:17:02

But I promised you I'm going to say a statement that some of you might disagree with, but I have to get it off my chest.

00:17:03--> 00:17:39

If Allah has kept you single for a reason, while you keep trying and trying, he knows that there is something in this that is best for you. I always tell those who are struggling to get married and they are trying and they cry. Number one, may Allah make it easy for you May Allah grant you spouses who will be the coolness of your eyes. But number two, I swear being a counselor myself being married to an idiot, one who's going to trouble you, Harris should create issues for you that would probably result in suicidal thoughts,

00:17:41--> 00:17:42

is not as good as being single

00:17:43--> 00:17:47

Subhan Allah, I'd rather be single than married to an idiot.

00:17:48--> 00:17:53

And I heard some sisters say, I'd rather have a quarter of a good guy than the whole of an idiot.

00:17:55--> 00:18:00

May Allah subhanahu wa taala grant us an understanding. I'm not here to promote or demote

00:18:01--> 00:18:41

anything that Allah has permitted, because that is there. If it's permissible, it's permissible. If something is allowed, it's allowed. But I am here to tell you, if Allah has kept you in a certain condition, you need to understand there has to be wisdom behind it. Even though I may not know it right now. Allah knows it. One day, he will tell me, but I trust the law enough to know that he's kept me single. However, once again, I make this job May Allah bless us all with spouses who will be the coolness of our eyes, and over and above that with children who will be the coolness of our eyes, because it brings me to the next point.

00:18:43--> 00:18:46

We talking of children, but we have to spend the moment

00:18:47--> 00:18:53

to pray for those who are married. But they have a new problem. What's it, they don't have kids?

00:18:55--> 00:19:08

That is your agenda. Your supper is your agenda. your patience is your agenda. There are so many from amongst us, whom Allah has blessed with a beautiful loving spouse. But unfortunately no children.

00:19:10--> 00:19:13

Do you accept that as what Allah has chosen for you.

00:19:16--> 00:19:49

accepting what Allah has chosen for you does not mean that you shouldn't try whatever you have to or can medically and the other halaal ways to get the children to conceive, for example, it's permissible, you should try. There's no harm beyond a certain point you might find it's a small medical matter, it may be so your trial is also an rabada. It's an act of worship. Why? Because the Prophet sallallahu Sallam has told us that it is part of the plan of Allah to want us to reproduce.

00:19:52--> 00:19:55

So we have to spend a moment dedicating

00:19:56--> 00:19:59

are dedicated to those who don't have offspring. May Allah bless

00:20:00--> 00:20:00

With offspring,

00:20:02--> 00:20:09

Bella Grant usaba I've become very sensitive to ask married couples. Do you have kids?

00:20:11--> 00:20:18

Sometimes that question, if they've been trying for 10 1520 years, it becomes a point of

00:20:21--> 00:20:23

sadness within the heart.

00:20:25--> 00:20:31

So I become a little bit sensitive, I tried to ask the least questions. Unless I'm very close to you then I would know.

00:20:33--> 00:20:40

Some of us have been blessed with offspring, both boys and girls. So someone says How many children do you have?

00:20:42--> 00:20:45

And you might just say, so many boys, so many girls can I tell you how many I have?

00:20:47--> 00:20:47

You want to know

00:20:49--> 00:20:50

Mashallah seven girls.

00:20:52--> 00:21:12

Mashallah. And two boys. We thank Allah for that. We thank Allah for that. I know one of my colleagues, he had a daughter and then another daughter and a third daughter and the fourth daughter and the first daughter and the sick daughter and the seventh daughter and an eighth daughter and a nine daughter and the 10th daughter and 11th daughter and the daughter and the 13th daughter, and they were just daughters, Mashallah, his name is

00:21:13--> 00:21:14

Arsenal Hakeem

00:21:16--> 00:21:18

ransom goodness, you might have heard that name right.

00:21:20--> 00:21:23

But Allah blessed him, he's blessed. And so we,

00:21:25--> 00:21:46

when you have males alone, you are blessed. When you have females alone, you are blessed. When you have male and female, you are blessed. And when you have neither male nor female, you are blessed in ways that perhaps you have not yet understood. Allah might have chosen you for something far greater. Go out and search what's the purpose? What is it Don't be angry and upset with Allah.

00:21:48--> 00:22:04

So the reason why I'm actually spending a lot of time on this is because, and I told the organizers, by the way, that since there's no q&a, and since it's the last talk, and since the people have come from the morning, right up to now, please let me talk don't give me a time limit.

00:22:08--> 00:22:25

So I promised you my brothers and sisters. People complain when they have boys only people complain when they have girls only people complain when they don't have kids. And when they when they have both boys and girls guess what they're doing? They're complaining these kids of mine.

00:22:26--> 00:22:41

So who is thanking Allah who is thanking Allah Alhamdulillah he Allah Callaghan. Remember when I started I spent a moment to explain the praise of Allah and that everything is from Allah and we praise Him upon all conditions. This is what it is.

00:22:43--> 00:22:45

Allah de Vina Medina, LA,

00:22:46--> 00:22:57

de la, on the day of judgment, a caller will call where those who used to praise a law, whether it was happiness or sadness, they still praise the law, they will be given a VIP treatment.

00:22:59--> 00:23:07

Because they praise the law, in sickness, they praise the law. We all have to get sick. Have you thought about something? A flu? You know, the normal flu that we have?

00:23:08--> 00:23:12

It is sometimes seasonal. It comes back every year. Why?

00:23:14--> 00:24:00

Some of us are healthier, maybe every two years maybe a little bit more or less a guy like me with a weak immune system. I thank Allah it happens much more often. But Alhamdulillah we thank Allah. Why does Allah make us go through that every day to realize how powerful he is and how weak we are, no matter who you are, small droplet infection can actually make you bedridden for two weeks, and you are a powerful person. So panela to show you a man you are actually very, very insignificant compared to Allah, just think Allah, thank Allah, let that be an opportunity of gaining closeness to Allah. Now let's get to those whom Allah blesses with children. Number one, I firmly believe

00:24:01--> 00:24:41

that as you get married and you've chosen the good spouse, and Mashallah, you've made the right decisions and you've looked at the guidance from Allah and now you're married. It doesn't mean you need to have children ASAP as soon as possible. We're gonna have offspring, if you've chosen that in an enlightened fashion Alhamdulillah and if it has happened from Allah Alhamdulillah but if you could, I'd rather you actually gave it a little bit of a break, to get to know one another a little bit better. This advice would not have been given to you a few decades back, but now it is because we are facing 1000s if not millions of children of divorced

00:24:42--> 00:25:00

couples, broken homes who are struggling who've lost the path completely and it was quite simple to wait. When I look at them they will normally and usually born within the first year of marriage, sometimes the next Why didn't you just wait a while. I need to make sure

00:25:00--> 00:25:06

I really believe this person is deserving to be the father of my kids, or the mother of my kids.

00:25:07--> 00:25:32

It's not haram from an Islamic perspective. No, not at all. Especially when you see the result of the mistakes people are making. They have 1234. And after that everything is gone. What happened? You kept her pregnant? Why? For whatever reason, it's not prohibited. But why did you bring in kids when you knew there was something wrong with your relationship, or you were not yet 100%? certain of it. It's not wrong.

00:25:34--> 00:25:42

You cannot speak about raising an oma without advising couples to say be careful, hold on, relax. Don't just be so quick.

00:25:44--> 00:25:46

I remember recently I attended a wedding.

00:25:49--> 00:25:50

At that wedding.

00:25:52--> 00:25:54

I met the groom, I gave him a hug.

00:25:56--> 00:25:59

And I told him, may Allah bless you with offspring, he told me not just yet.

00:26:02--> 00:26:03

I told him why

00:26:06--> 00:26:08

we are learning, right? He said,

00:26:10--> 00:26:11

I want to travel the world.

00:26:12--> 00:26:34

I want to enjoy life. Just me and her. And perhaps after 510 years, we'll have kids. I told him and how do you know that you're gonna have a life that will span beyond or up to that five or 10 years? How do you know? What Why did I ask him the question? How do you know because

00:26:36--> 00:26:41

because I wanted him to correct that slightly to say

00:26:42--> 00:27:03

that inshallah, I'd like to wait until I'm 100%. Certain rather than making it a dounia. And the worldly reason to say I want to see the world, you can see the world with your kids, that's just an excuse. Because daddy don't want to help mommy anymore. So he says, Well, once we have kids, I'm sorry, we can't travel. Because you know, now it's a stress that

00:27:04--> 00:27:26

the day you can take the baby your own baby in your hands, and tell your wife, please have a lovely, lovely sleep, I will take the baby and go into the next room to ensure that you have a great sleep because tomorrow is a Sunday, and I don't have to go to work. And I'll make you the breakfast and bring it for you. That's the day you have the happiest home.

00:27:28--> 00:27:54

You have taught generations and people around you. Realizing that I am also a father as much as she is a mother. It doesn't mean that she has to do X, Y and Zed. I know of people Subhana Allah as much as we as Muslims are taught not to mix our roles. Definitely that's there. We don't mix our roles, but show me

00:27:55--> 00:28:13

and Islamic evidence that tells you that as a man, there is no role for you to play in the upbringing of the child, it's only to do with the mother. Where is that? Show me the Hadith. Show me the verse of the Quran. It's not there, because parents, it's your responsibility in a joint fashion.

00:28:15--> 00:28:40

And one of the reasons that we are struggling not only the divorce and the broken homes of people who want to have kids so quickly, without realizing that it's my responsibility to this innocent child to make sure that if I wasn't 100%, certain in my own way with my spouse, I shouldn't have brought that child number one. Number two is if you have the children

00:28:41--> 00:29:14

learn to soften up towards your spouse. Because you know what? It's not about you Don't be selfish. We have people who say I want to divorce her, or I need a divorce. My husband is a bad man. How many kids do you have seven, I'm fed up seven kids. seven kids. And now you realize is a bad man. SubhanAllah Why don't you think for a moment and I'm not talking only about the women but it happens with the men as well. She's born seven kids for you. And you say I want to divorce her Why?

00:29:15--> 00:29:17

She's a 1960 model, you know?

00:29:19--> 00:30:00

Now there's the millennials. You know, it's totally different. You know, that ride in the Lexus is far smoother, you know? Oh, Bella, what are you talking about? Do you have a brain? Do you realize it's not about you, your pleasure, your enjoyment and only yourself. Now it's about children who are there who you brought onto earth with the decree of Allah, and it's your duty to make sure you have sacrificed a little bit more to ensure they have a reasonable decent life. Have you ever watched people run the race? The 100 meter relay, the 400 meter relay, they call it 100 meters each and you pass the baton

00:30:00--> 00:30:30

You pass the baton, I promise you, my brothers, my sisters in life, we are called halifa. The term halifa means those who come one after the other, I am supposed to have gotten a baton from my parents, and I'm supposed to hand it over to my children, and they're supposed to give it to their children. That baton has the torch of the dean SubhanAllah. I'm supposed to hand it. And this is when I flew out of my duty unto Allah regarding why I'm on earth Subhana Allah.

00:30:31--> 00:30:36

So if I just say, I don't want this marriage anymore. What did I do to the better?

00:30:37--> 00:31:19

You're running the relay halfway, you look at what was his name? Hussein bolt, you look at him and you say, Okay, I leave the baton, I'm going away. Why are we gonna lose anyway, he might run in a way that it will win. You may have children through whom Allah will grant you Jenna because of their da because of their goodness, because of the fact that you sacrifice you wanted to see them succeed, even though you didn't achieve what they have. And you couldn't have achieved it for whatever reason, maybe. But because you looked at the broader picture, and you will not selfish, Allah subhanho wa Taala will definitely let you taste the fruits of your sacrifice,

00:31:20--> 00:31:24

if not in the dunya than in the Akira and if you are fortunate than in both.

00:31:27--> 00:31:30

So if you are going to have children, remember,

00:31:32--> 00:31:41

you need to sacrifice as parents. I was speaking about the point that the fathers also need to contribute in the marriage.

00:31:43--> 00:31:54

The last time I was in Nigeria, in fact, not just the last time but sometime back. I asked a few brothers. Have you ever changing a nappy of your kid talking of married?

00:31:56--> 00:31:57

nappy? nappy?

00:31:59--> 00:32:00

nappy?

00:32:01--> 00:32:06

I'm not saying it's your job. But I challenge you. Have you ever done it if you haven't.

00:32:10--> 00:32:15

Your fatherhood skills are not complete. we're only talking of skills.

00:32:18--> 00:32:30

I'm not saying it's your job. My sisters, I'm not encouraging you to say Did you hear the talk today? This is the nappy. This is something called wet wipes. This is something else, go for it.

00:32:31--> 00:32:36

And when he's done you inspect it and say four out of 10 try again tomorrow morning.

00:32:37--> 00:32:54

And then midnight you get him up forget about tomorrow morning. It's happened. Do it again. I'm not encouraging you to do that. No, let's not abuse religion. Let's not abuse things but what I am saying let's be conscious of one another. Let's love one another.

00:32:55--> 00:33:01

Let's show that muda and Rama you know what that means when you are married Allah says Allah

00:33:03--> 00:33:04

that

00:33:05--> 00:33:09

Allah, Allah has placed between you Mata and Rama.

00:33:11--> 00:33:53

The love and the mercy Mata is one of the highest levels of love. Allah didn't say, Allah says Mata Mata is a closeness and intimacy that love that is filled with the highest level of affection, the care and the rasma means mercy. That's the wife. That's my, the mother of my children. SubhanAllah there is a man, I feel the mercy part of the Rama isn't it that when you see her struggling, you can say, Don't worry, tonight, I'm on guard. That's what I'm saying. It's Rama. So some people say How come I married a lot of promises as Mata and Rama? I feel neither Mahabharata nor Rama, can I tell you one of the

00:33:55--> 00:33:56

diagnosis?

00:33:57--> 00:34:00

Because perhaps we're involved in sin. That's why.

00:34:02--> 00:34:48

One of the reasons perhaps we have unplugged from Allah. sins, generally are of two types. One is you're not doing what is compulsory. And two is you're doing what is prohibited. Two things. So my brothers, my sisters, we don't feel the love because we're involved with another woman. That's why so now you come home you don't see the mother of your children as the mother of your children anymore. You see her as this lady is five kilos more than the other one. Wow, five kilos. She gave birth to one child you are fortunate Subhanallah I remember a man with a belly, big belly. You know the men after the age of a certain age, maybe 3540 sometimes more, sometimes less. They develop a

00:34:48--> 00:34:49

belly Subhan Allah

00:34:50--> 00:34:53

at the mercy of Allah so that the woman can say

00:34:59--> 00:34:59

so

00:35:01--> 00:35:07

The wife tells is the wife tells her husband, you know what, you need to lose a bit of weight look at your belly.

00:35:08--> 00:35:15

So he says, look at yours. She says, I'm pregnant. I'm about to give birth. I'm about to be a mother. He says, Well, I'm about to be a father.

00:35:19--> 00:35:22

Now, Allah subhanho wa Taala, forgive us.

00:35:23--> 00:35:36

We sometimes don't realize that, as much as I'm talking about men, as much as we'd love our wives to be the most good looking, you need to understand those looks.

00:35:37--> 00:35:45

Good go beyond that, which is just physical and outward, into the heart. Earlier I heard Sherry abdelfattah say

00:35:46--> 00:35:52

that after 10 years of marriage, then you actually now feel your marriage. Did you hear him say that?

00:35:53--> 00:35:54

Why?

00:35:56--> 00:36:08

He worded it differently from what I would word it but in essence, becomes a stage in your marriage when you begin to appreciate the sacrifice of your spouse, if

00:36:09--> 00:36:16

you are fearful of Allah. If you have Taqwa and Eman in you, if you have a heart,

00:36:17--> 00:36:28

you begin to appreciate what your spouse has sacrificed for you and for this marriage. And you get on to a new level of love.

00:36:30--> 00:36:34

At that point, what you look like, doesn't matter.

00:36:36--> 00:36:50

Doesn't matter. It's your sacrifice. I love you. What have you done, you gave up your home, you gave up everything you gave up your family, you gave up your area you gave up sometimes your country, you travel to a different continent.

00:36:51--> 00:36:54

Country appreciate you as a spouse, Subhan Allah.

00:36:59--> 00:37:15

May Allah bless us. May Allah grant us goodness, my brothers and sisters, these children of ours are an Amana, from Allah. Just like your life is in the hands of Allah. Just like you wouldn't want your parents

00:37:16--> 00:37:44

to think that they have the right to instruct you to do that which is against the command of Allah. You as a parent should understand the same about your child. The child is an Amana? Do you know what the term Amanda means? Amanda means it does not belong to you. allow you to say my son, my daughter, just for a short space of time. Could you have said that? Before the child was born?

00:37:45--> 00:37:53

You couldn't because you didn't have the child? Where was the child with Allah somehow, some way? Allah Ma, were the word.

00:37:55--> 00:38:19

But you couldn't say my son, my daughter why they weren't yours. At that stage. They were still with Allah. The minute they were born, or perhaps conceived, you say my child, once they're out in life, you say my son, my daughter, whose is that? Not yours? You are allowed to use the word mind at this juncture, yet it does not refer to ownership.

00:38:20--> 00:38:21

Have you thought of that?

00:38:23--> 00:38:26

I remember speaking to a group of people.

00:38:29--> 00:38:35

And one of the speakers with us raised an issue. After that a question was asked.

00:38:37--> 00:38:42

And the sister who asked the question got up and said, You know, my husband,

00:38:43--> 00:38:46

my husband, so the guy gets up, the speaker says, hang on, hang on, hang on.

00:38:48--> 00:38:50

You have 25% shares in this man.

00:38:51--> 00:38:57

The other 75 you are granted as a gift to enjoy. Whilst

00:38:58--> 00:39:05

it's not yet there, and I was like, gosh, did you have to say that right now. But I learned a lesson.

00:39:06--> 00:39:10

He was trying to say when you say my it's not ownership.

00:39:11--> 00:39:25

It's just a gift of Allah for a while you can say it. But at some stage, Allah may take that away from you. Allah may take your husband away from you, Allah may take your child away from me, who gave another right to take my son away at the age of five.

00:39:26--> 00:39:34

How can I even ask the question? It was Allah who gave me in the first place. And I want to tell you, those of you who have lost children May Allah give you

00:39:36--> 00:39:48

those children will be waiting for you. If nilla to fight your case on the Day of Judgment. May Allah make it easy for us to engender confidence. I promise you, my beloved brothers and sisters.

00:39:51--> 00:39:59

If you think you have a problem, just go back to the life of Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wasallam and read his life and you will find that he didn't lose one child. He didn't

00:40:00--> 00:40:05

lose two children. He lost all his children in his lifetime besides one

00:40:06--> 00:40:10

who was that one Fatima de la Anna, she passed away just a few months after him.

00:40:12--> 00:40:15

Have you lost children? If the answer is yes,

00:40:16--> 00:40:27

the best of creation has lost all his children in his lifetime. It's not a sign of the displeasure of Allah. It's not a sign that Allah didn't choose you for something good. No.

00:40:28--> 00:40:32

It could be a sign of the love of Allah. I remember a brother,

00:40:33--> 00:40:52

who had several children, and he lost a few of them, a few of them in a car crash, and he was so upset. And 10 years later, he told me the amount of trouble that the rest of my kids have given me. I sometimes through my weakness wish that Allah had taken them all away.

00:40:57--> 00:41:15

If I had told him that years before, would have probably I was some Satan. But he's saying it himself that I see the wisdom of Allah may be Allah took these kids away because Allah did not want me to struggle with their

00:41:16--> 00:41:18

with their upbringing,

00:41:19--> 00:41:40

perhaps. So you don't know. You don't know what Allah has installed, what Allah has planned. you fulfill whatever you have to, but thank Allah, the child belongs to Allah. That's the meaning of Amana. Allah will take the child away at any stage. Now I want to give you another example.

00:41:42--> 00:41:44

May Allah take us all for Hajj, say amin

00:41:45--> 00:41:54

and the umbra say amin again and again say I mean, Mashallah, I'm sure one of those amines is accepted, even in law. Okay.

00:41:55--> 00:42:06

If your neighbor was going for Hajj, and they were leaving the house, and they told you listen, here are the keys, please, can you take care of the house? We're going for three weeks, we're going to come back?

00:42:08--> 00:42:11

Do you have the right once they're gone?

00:42:12--> 00:42:26

To open the house, take the car, stop driving, going out, change the paint of the car, come back, change the painting of the house, break a wall, make something else in the kitchen, take something away, put it back, when they come back. They say what happened to this house? Right?

00:42:28--> 00:42:41

We would never do that. If we were honest people, we are doing it with our children. Allah gives us and says Look, I'm going to give you you made for a good spouse we gave you you may do out for children. I'm giving you for a while I'm going to take this child away.

00:42:42--> 00:42:51

And between now and then I want you to make sure that you only do what I have told you to do, because it's mine, not yours.

00:42:53--> 00:42:54

So from a young age,

00:42:56--> 00:43:12

to not let that child sit with cartoons with phones, what law he I've had a question that was asked to me not long ago saying you know what? How can I seek the forgiveness of Allah? Because my three year old was watching pornography on my phone.

00:43:14--> 00:43:20

Why? How I couldn't believe it. But now your three year old knows more about your phone than mine.

00:43:23--> 00:43:25

Or than anyone elses than anything else.

00:43:26--> 00:43:31

Let me wear it again. Your three year old knows more about your phone than you

00:43:33--> 00:43:34

he will pick it up.

00:43:37--> 00:43:39

I recall I put a little finger you know there is there is this

00:43:41--> 00:44:23

system of opening your phone with your eye and your finger. At one stage it was the thumb now it's the eye and the child says no. Come here. Don't just give me the phone in your finger put it here. It's your finger. That's gonna work here. The children know the pattern on your phone how to open what what not. What number one is for a child to access porn at that age. It means it was somewhere in the phone. It was something was happening. You don't just click on a website you don't know. But you have pressed either the history or clip that's happening. Number one, promise a law that you are going to delete all the clips from your phone that are immoral. Do we promise?

00:44:26--> 00:44:27

What happened?

00:44:28--> 00:44:29

Why are we reluctant?

00:44:30--> 00:44:36

Do we promise a lot that we will delete all the clips from our phones that are immoral?

00:44:37--> 00:44:47

It's still not good enough. So many of you are just looking at me like there's nothing immoral in my phone. Come on, get away. Don't lie. Don't lie.

00:44:49--> 00:44:57

Do you promise a law we want children who are going to grow up with high values and we are not prepared to promise a law that we will have high values

00:44:58--> 00:44:59

come on. Do you

00:45:00--> 00:45:06

Promise Allah you will delete every clip that is in your phone that is immoral.

00:45:09--> 00:45:13

A little bit better. Masha Allah, may Allah make it easy for us.

00:45:14--> 00:45:19

Be strong. be hard on yourself so that you don't need to be hard on your children.

00:45:20--> 00:46:00

Many of us are so hard on our children. Well, I receive emails telling me that you know what I caught my father doing this doing that watching porn with a girlfriend with this that I've read some of it, what do I do? I'm broken. I don't know whether to bash his face or what to do. Allahu Akbar, your father, Allah has blessed you, my beloved parents with an automatic respect from those children. it's we who spoil it automatic, like when I said when you get married, if your heart is pure, and your connection with Allah is good, what love He you have to feel the Mahabharata and Rama because Allah promised that in the Quran, but if you don't feel the Mahabharata and the Rama, the

00:46:00--> 00:46:36

love and the mercy, there's something wrong with your connection with Allah. The same applies your children, Allah made them mimic you automatically. You wear a job, two year old, one year old wants to wear the hijab, you read Salah, my beloved brother, one year old, your son will fight to come to sujood next to you while you are reading Salah. It's automatic, who told the child nobody. That's why if you look at the Hadith of the Prophet sallallahu Sallam says moo Allah, Allah, wa whom abna separation.

00:46:38--> 00:46:43

instruct your children to read Salah when they are seven years old. Wow.

00:46:45--> 00:46:52

When I looked at the Hadith one of my teachers told us that that means don't instruct them before that.

00:46:54--> 00:47:16

And I was like, What? How can I not instruct my child when he is four or five? So let's read Salah. You know what I was taught that the child should do it just by you leading by example, before the age of seven. before the age of seven, the child shouldn't be instructed, but rather should want to do it without instruction.

00:47:18--> 00:47:19

Because they've watched you

00:47:20--> 00:47:34

sisters, Mashallah we addressed so beautifully in lovely job. I always give an example to others in the Western world and even in Muslim countries. I tell them when I go to Nigeria, come, come with me see the hijab there Subhan Allah,

00:47:35--> 00:47:43

Allah bless you. Don't give up your Islamic identity, we give examples of you by the will of Allah.

00:47:44--> 00:47:52

I love to speak highly of these countries in West Africa, because I've seen with my eyes what I've never witnessed, even in Muslim countries,

00:47:54--> 00:47:56

thank Allah, and hamdulillah

00:47:58--> 00:48:12

don't give up your Islamic identity. We have it and we are doing it willingly, under tremendous pressure to give it up, but no one is forcing us to remove it. Thank Allah, they are places where they want it but they're being forced otherwise.

00:48:14--> 00:48:18

So I tell you, my beloved brothers, my sisters,

00:48:20--> 00:48:38

when this child is before the age of seven, ideally, taking from the hadith of Salah, you're supposed to encourage the child not by way of instruction, but by other means primarily.

00:48:39--> 00:48:41

Them learning by example,

00:48:42--> 00:49:07

who led them by that example, you you will leading by example. Time for Salah, you speak of Salah you have the advantage you have for example, karma, you have a special place in your house where Salah is fulfilled. You have the burqa and various other clothings that are worn or perhaps Koran something else that you sit and read the children will follow automatically.

00:49:08--> 00:49:21

I was saying sisters with hijab Mashallah, those of you who have children, Am I not right when I say that your two year old will want to dress like you. So hon Allah Who told the child even you didn't.

00:49:24--> 00:49:36

Those in niqab for example, and they are some in niqab. They always say our children, they just want to dress like this. They said, No, I want to be like this. I want to do like that. I'm talking about myself.

00:49:37--> 00:49:50

And a lot of my little boys when they were little, they wanted to dress exactly like this. And one day I delivered a lecture in Cape Town. And my son gets up after that. When everyone was going he says, Hey, now it's my turn, sit down.

00:49:52--> 00:49:53

And he wanted to talk Why?

00:49:55--> 00:49:56

It made me cry.

00:49:58--> 00:50:00

That is Allah, the gift from Allah.

00:50:00--> 00:50:24

Allah, Allah is just trying to tell you look, we will do our part, but you better do your part. Now that you see this is happening, just take it and help it grow Subhanallah you help it grow the problem with us, we don't help it grow. What do we do? We extinguish it, because we come home, and then they see us swearing when you swear, they will swear.

00:50:27--> 00:50:41

Something interesting, I once attended a course on marriage, and I was asked to speak. And you know what? In the interaction in the interaction, I learned something amazing. I want to share it with you. They say when you're looking for a spouse

00:50:42--> 00:50:53

into the home and talk to the parents and see what's happening, and look at how the parents are getting along, because if those parents swear each other, the child will No, no better.

00:50:55--> 00:51:06

Obvious obviously, there are exceptions always. But, you know, if this child grew up with F's and B's don't expect F and B to stand for Facebook.

00:51:08--> 00:51:09

No.

00:51:10--> 00:51:33

Those are bad words. Have you not noticed our young boys and girls today? I was in the lobby of this beautiful hotel. And I heard some people I'd like to guess that they were perhaps non Muslim, because if they were Muslim, let me say at least if they saw us, they would have felt Hey, I better not say this. They were using the worst, most vulgar words just to greet each other, just to talk to each other.

00:51:35--> 00:51:39

Just to greet each other, you must be wondering, but how to repeat it here.

00:51:42--> 00:51:50

For what? Why has it become norm? You want to greet someone you've got to swear with the M word and say Yo, what's up? Come on? How

00:51:52--> 00:52:09

you cannot do that? How can you call someone with such a detonator? That's immoral. So what I'm saying is for our children, they watch and they are watching such that Allah has made it that they will look up to you and follow that's a gift of Allah. So use it, don't abuse it.

00:52:10--> 00:52:13

Make sure you use it. You come home, you look at your wife.

00:52:14--> 00:52:42

You kiss her in the presence of your kids. can it happen? Nigerian military? What? What did you just see me? My kids watching. I'm not talking of a long romantic kiss. That should happen perhaps behind closed doors. I'm talking of a pig perhaps a word of love, perhaps a hug perhaps so that they know how to treat their spouses the day they have spouses. That's what it is.

00:52:43--> 00:53:26

I'd love my kids to know, sometimes they look and they actually look away. And they're like, shy, but I wanted you to see that's why I did it. You need to know what goes on here. Because if not, you're not going to know when you have matters and issues that need discussion. Because there's disagreement to it behind closed doors. That's a gift you can bless your children with behind closed doors. Do not let your children into your problems. They are not counselors. They are not people, they actually need the good side, not the bad side. They are young, let them grow. They don't need to hear everything. Sometimes we want kids to take sides, especially when divorce happens. And we

00:53:26--> 00:53:28

have to talk about this because divorce is

00:53:30--> 00:53:32

huge in terms of ratio.

00:53:34--> 00:54:19

I'd like to think we've crossed the 50% mark. Generally, more than 50% of those who get married divorce. So we have to talk about it. When you divorce. There is a whole new door of a bar that opens that was not open before. And that is the rights of the divorced parents and the children and the families. That door wasn't there before. You know they say nikka opens a door of a bad Well, the lock opens another door of a bad What is it? To allow a man I did not like or get along with or detest access and custody to his own kids for the sake of Allah. That's an ibadah

00:54:21--> 00:54:33

many people block the other parent from access or custody. They say No way. I'm not going to give access. Why is the bad man I don't want they're playing with me. No, no, no, no, no.

00:54:35--> 00:55:00

Allah decided decision is final. Allah decided and his decision is final that you know what? That is the Father. Come what may that's the Father. And you don't ever spoil the upbringing of the child by brainwashing the child against the other parent. And you don't ever think that another parent

00:55:00--> 00:55:14

The other parent is brainwashing the child just because the child doesn't want to relate to you give you an example. Recently, there was a couple that divorced, the man phoned me and says, Can you please tell my wife she needs to give me.

00:55:15--> 00:55:25

She needs to give me access to the kids and custody to the kids. And she mustn't tell the kids bad things about me. Because the kids when they come to me, they don't even want to be with me.

00:55:27--> 00:55:29

Now, I can't just do that because I don't know both sides of the story.

00:55:31--> 00:55:50

first have to call the wife and say what's going on? And she painted a totally different picture. This man swears this man yells, this man pulls the kids this man says what? So they don't even want to go to him. When they don't want to go. He's blaming me for brainwashing them. That's what I was saying. No one brainwashed, you did it yourself.

00:55:51--> 00:56:11

You want respect from your own children, you must respect them? How do you expect the oma to be grown when Subhana Allah, you haven't even respected your own kids. You earn the respect. You see from amongst us, when we carry ourselves with respect, that's when we shall be respected, otherwise, you won't be respected.

00:56:14--> 00:56:20

So my brothers and sisters, what I've done today is only an introduction to the topic.

00:56:21--> 00:56:30

You can spend 40 minutes talking about how to bring up kids and expect to cover every aspect of it. No, it's an introduction. But I want to tell you something amazing.

00:56:32--> 00:56:42

in your midst, here in this beautiful country of Nigeria, there are scholars male and female.

00:56:44--> 00:57:02

For the rest of the topic that I've just started now you must make use of your local scholars, you the workshops, they have the lessons they have, they are superstar superheroes, would you not agree? Those we heard today was superb. Say Mashallah.

00:57:05--> 00:57:09

But some of you didn't even know they existed. Am I right?

00:57:10--> 00:57:19

Come on, Allah is going to ask you about the nygma the famous that he blessed you with? Allah is going to ask you brother is telling me time is time really up?

00:57:20--> 00:57:24

Thank you brother we are democratic Mashallah, you heard what they said.

00:57:25--> 00:57:28

But don't worry, we will round up inshallah.

00:57:29--> 00:57:58

So Subhan Allah, my brothers, my sisters make use of the local scholars, that's my Chi, because you have in your midst those who are more qualified than I am, I promise you, but you haven't made an effort to search for them, to look for them to listen to them to check. They are those who are so beautiful that I would learn from them myself. And I feel embarrassed some time to be compared to some far higher than I am.

00:57:59--> 00:58:03

So do with us we're going to make use of the local scholars do we promise?

00:58:04--> 00:58:25

Mashallah Baraka Allah? May Allah subhanho wa Taala bless you. May He bless this nation, may he bless our families, may he bless those who are going through any issues. May Allah help you through your issues. In fact, let me read it differently. Oh Allah help every one of us in the issues that we may be facing in our own unique lives. I mean,

00:58:26--> 00:58:46

my brothers and sisters, it's been an honor to be speaking to you. And really, I think I need to go back and take notes from my own talk in order to be able to practice what I preach. May Allah forgive my shortcomings and yours? May Allah open our doors. There's only one problem today. I didn't crack any jokes. Did you notice?

00:58:47--> 00:58:49

You notice? So let's crack one.

00:58:51--> 00:59:27

So what happened is, there is a television station full of young people here, right? young people. It's called Hello TV. Have you heard about it? h L stands for halaal TV held the first part of it right? So these young people on Friday, they happen to meet me at their little studio which is Mashallah small. And I went in and I saw the enthusiasm and I saw the young boys and girls there, Mashallah. And they were so so you know, powered up, and I told them inshallah, in a few years, you will have such a big place, you won't even know, Allah blesses you.

00:59:29--> 00:59:30

So what happened is

00:59:33--> 00:59:45

they had a little question that they were asking towards the end of the program, we can ask quick questions to all of us. And there were four or five of us seated. I was the only non Nigerian, so the quick question was,

00:59:46--> 00:59:47

name three.

00:59:48--> 00:59:51

Name three Nigerian foods.

00:59:53--> 00:59:59

Now, how can I do that? So one said, x y Zed, the other one said ABC, meaning they rattled off

01:00:00--> 01:00:13

names as quick as they could. And then it came to me and I'm the last one. I was like guy. I'm the only foreigner you should have started with me at least I could have had a bigger, you know, a broader selection But now what am I gonna say? So all I did is I said you know what?

01:00:16--> 01:00:18

Soon as it came to me I said jollof

01:00:21--> 01:00:53

so that's one What about the others? So they were saying what about the other two? I said the other two inside the jollof Mashallah, you know how it's made? So Mashallah, now let me tell you where I got that from, I got that I was inspired a little kid, the kid the teacher says make a sentence with sugar. So one, there is sugar in coke. And the other one says, sugar is very sweet and says, One says Subhanallah you can tell that my time is up. Right? The battery's going. So the third one says, I drank my tea.

01:00:54--> 01:00:55

So that you

01:00:56--> 01:01:33

know you're supposed to make a sentence with sugar. He says no, I drank my tea. Yes. No, try again. He says no, I drank my tea. He says but where's the sugar? It's in the tea. No awkward. Okay, so that's what I used with the jollof May Allah subhanho wa Taala. Grant us all goodness and ease. I love you all for the sake of Allah next year, make sure that you we attend and tell the organizers that we will pay double what we have because it's not a payment. It's actually a contribution towards the success of an Islamic event and that is an honor. May Allah reward every one of you and grant you much more than what you have put in a cooler kolyada was Salam alaykum warahmatullahi

01:01:33--> 01:01:34

wabarakatuh