Mufti Menk


Channel: Mufti Menk

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Salam Alaikum, divorce is very difficult, especially when you have had children together. And then your ex spouse would obviously require access to those children if you're the one who has the custody. Now, Allah Almighty knows that this was going to happen, he blessed you with children, Subhana Allah, and he is watching to see are you going to fulfill the rights that you have on your shoulder after divorce, if you don't, you failed, you may not be able to show face on the Day of Judgment. But if you have actually fulfilled those rights in the best possible way, and on both sides, if we have been very respectful, very reasonable, very understanding, sticking to our times,

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and our timetables, and so on, making life easy for one another, and not trampling over the toes of the other, we will inshallah succeed. It's unfortunate that sometimes people who are practicing, they would fulfill five Salah, they would fast twice a week, perhaps twice a month, they would read one Koran every few days, and they would be so outwardly pious, sometimes some of them deny access to their exes of their children. And this is something dangerous. Yes, I do know that sometimes some of the exes make life so difficult, that it becomes extremely hard to allow them anything, simply because of how vulgar they are. And because of what has happened, sometimes it is necessary to deny

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them if they happen to be known abusers if they have abused those children, if they have terrible habits, they are criminals, or perhaps they are heavily abusive of, you know, drugs and alcohol and so on. And it is it is in order to protect the children from that particular spouse. Yeah, in that case, Subhana Allah, it would be permissible to deny them the right to have access to those children, until those children are of age where they can make their mind up, you know, but my brothers and sisters, under normal circumstances, remember, every small thing that happened, you don't just deny your ex access to those children. And when the day comes, you don't just deny your

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ex custody to those children, Allah is watching. And Allah subhanho wa Taala either fails you or passes you based on how you have fared in that particular examination. So if you think that there is not going to be any more test after a divorce, in actual fact, there is there are so many, and they take a different shape. If you have to, for example, provide for your children, as the father of those children, you need to provide for them. And you need to make sure that it is adequate according to your income, and according to the needs of the children. Now, sometimes people deny this, and they don't want to spend on their children, and they expect the other spouse to do

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everything. They expect the mother for example, to do everything. That's not fair.

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My brothers and sisters, learn what Islam says, learn what you are taught, learn what is reasonable. And to be honest, may Allah subhanho wa Taala make it easy for us. Like I said, many people who are practicing are failing the test simply because they deny access without reason. And then you have the others who have been given the access. They know they have their timings, but they don't stick to anything they think they can do as they please when they please. I've known of people who directly communicate with their exes, and swear them, disrespect them. Why do you give the opportunity to your ex to even communicate with you? Why can they not go through a family member of

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yours? If they are not prepared to speak to you respectfully, they should not be communicating with you. They should not be and this is the reason why many people have problems because sometimes when we didn't get along while we were married, or maybe he was oppressing her a lot or vice versa, after you're divorced, why do you allow the same sort of communication? I mean, he's going to go to town swearing you abusing you cursing you and he's going to enjoy it thoroughly. And you were foolish enough to allow that to happen. Why allow your ears to hear all your eyes to see messages that are derogatory and insulting, demeaning of you may Allah subhanho wa Taala protect us. So this is a very

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interesting factor. That's why Islam teaches you to let someone who is strong in the home deal with that person. And that's it. And if they if they're not prepared to deal with that person well, or Subhanallah it depends what arrangement was made or where you live or which country you come from. They can be an arrangement

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that perhaps would be suitable to everyone. But at the same time, let's not be stubborn in our ways. Let's not insult let's not curse, you know, let's not use abusive words. These are our children, we've had them together Subhanallah in the same way that you would like to be a part of their upbringing, So would I Mashallah tabarrok Allah. So if that is the case, we should be respecting each other. And we must understand Allah is going to question us, we need to have goodness on either side. Another very interesting factor.

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When we have access to those children, never ever

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feed them negativity about your ex, if that's their mother, or that's their father, don't tell them bad things about their the parent, leave that cut that let them make their own minds up, if anything, guide them to tell them that is your father, that is your mother no matter what. And so Hannah law, if we've had a problem, it doesn't mean you need to get involved in that problem. That's a mistake. Others make they get their children involved in their mess. Those are children, let them be children Subhana Allah as they're growing, let them grow in a beautiful way rather than involve them in our mess. So it requires cooperation on both sides. And it requires the consciousness of

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Allah subhanho wa Taala. My brothers and sisters, this was necessitated by a few queries that I've received as of late. And trust me, there are a lot in fact, people are just not fulfilling the rights thinking they're going to get away with it. But unfortunately, they won't get away with it. May Allah bless every one of us and grant us the ability to have a heart that fulfills what Allah wants you to fulfill when it comes to access and custody of the children. And we should never, ever deny the x access or custody and at the same time, we should never abuse the fact that we have access or custody, stick to the timing stick to the respectful ways. Make sure that you have

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contributed towards your children before you know it. They will be old enough, they will understand everything themselves and you don't want that to backfire on you or anyone else more than them understanding. It's also Allah subhanho wa Taala those children belong to him. He's going to question us about them. May Allah bless all of us. Apolo Kohli, hava sallallahu wasallam Allah Nabina Muhammad