The Heart of your home

Mufti Menk


Channel: Mufti Menk

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Episode Notes

Mufti Menk, Unity Tour 2017, 9th December, 7:30PM, Jawatte Masjid

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Bismillah Alhamdulillah wa Salatu was Salam ala rasulillah, Allah, Allah, he was happy. And once again, we have to praise Allah, we have to thank him upon all conditions, nothing happens that is negative for us. Everything that happens is positive. It's just that man does not realize the positiveness in what happens. Sometimes we become upset, sometimes we lose our cool, sometimes we suffer a loss, we need to know that in the eyes of Allah subhanho wa Taala. It is only positive for us. If we realize and we believe it's Allah subhanho wa Taala. It can never be negative in the real sense, because ultimately, life is a test. And this is what it's all about. So I start off again by

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saying, when we are unwell, we have a blood test in order to check what is wrong with us, in order to know what is high, what is low, in order to be able to know how to combat the problem.

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And this heart that we have, that pumps the blood, if you put your hand on your chest, you will actually feel it pumping. Have you realized that if you were to pay even one fraction of a cent, for every time the heart was beating, you would become bankrupt,

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you would not be able to afford it. So Allah subhanho wa Taala has given us such a great gift, free of charge, totally free, what does he want from us, he wants from us that we worship Him alone. He wants from us that we follow the messengers whom he has sent to us in order to guide us to show us how to worship him. That's what Allah wants from us. He wants us to lead a life of goodness and kindness. And he has chosen for us a certain way of coming into creation into being if Allah wanted we could have grown on this earth like the trees and plants, we could have grown

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like a tree. And this may happen on the day of Korea according to some of the narrations where people will be growing coming up from the earth. You know, when you are buried, the body in most cases would actually go back into the soil decompose, a small part of it may remain it's called attribute venom that attribute venom is like the seed of a man it will rain a special rain for 40 days a white thick rain and either 40 days or 40 years the duration just says 40. And as a result, human beings will grow when it comes to the Moksha the place where we are going to be resurrected, they will grow some duration say they will be very tall.

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Anyway, that's a topic on its own. The point I want to raise is Allah chose for us a separate way What is it? He chose for us parents, parents, these parents we had no say in who they will just like when you have an examination, you have no say what the questions are going to be? No See, you enter the exam room and you are waiting waiting for the papers they will be handed out the question is the question papers and you fill it in you will see the questions on that day at that time.

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Prior to that, you did not know what was going to be asked. So when we say life is a test, we can prove it.

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By looking at what has happened. How did we come in the life I had no say who are my parents were which part of the globe I was going to be born, what nationality? What race, what ethnicity, what financial standing the parents would be and so on. We had no clue, no idea. We had no say it's a test from Allah, Allah put it and Allah says I want you to do things. So your parents, no matter who they are, they are a test for you. And your children no matter who they are. They are a test for you and your brothers and sisters, no matter who they are, they are a test for you and so on.

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Now, why did I start with the example of the heart because the heart is the seat of command when it comes to the blood or the seat of the pumping when it comes to the whole body of the blood.

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So what you would realize is if you have a weak heart, you find that you know what you will find you will have sickness, illness, may Allah grant us all cure say amen.

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Sometimes thickness develops in the blood, cholesterol, etc. and you find the person feeling weak, lethargic, they start feeling pain, etc. May Allah grant us cure in the same way that the heart is extremely important when it comes to the body being well. I promise you the family unit is extremely important when it comes to society community, the nation, the oma being

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if that family unit is not taken care of, they will be a problem. They will be a problem. That problem sometimes we might be able to deal with it and inshallah come out of it, but sometimes it is so disastrous that it causes huge issues. This is why Allah subhanho wa Taala warns us from the very beginning, that the most important people in your life are your parents. While kabara boo

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who have been Wiley Dini,

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Allah has declared that none shall be worshipped besides him. What does Allah say?

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None shall be worshipped besides Him, we need to sit and repeat this so many times, because many of us say it, but we don't actually enforce it properly, none shall be worshipped besides Him, when we say la ilaha illAllah Muhammad Rasulullah. Do you know what it means? We our children will say yes, we know what it means. It means there is no god worthy of worship besides Allah. Is that not what it means? and Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa sallam is the final messenger of Allah. Is that not what it means? When I tell you we saved but we don't think about it.

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No one worthy of worship? Did you hear that say two, three times, no one worthy of worship, besides Allah. So Allah, what a powerful statement. So Allah says, I made you you owe your worship to me alone. And I want you to be kind and good to your parents. Allah says isn't to be kind to be good to your parents. Notice, he did not say obey them in that verse. He says, Be kind to them. Be respectful to them. Why did he not say obey them? obedience is for Allah. If they tell you to do something that is within what Allah has allowed, you will listen to them. However, if they tell you to do something that is outside what Allah has instructed, you cannot listen to them. But you have

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to respectfully detach, or you have to respectfully decline. Your father tells you son, here is 200 rupees, I want you to go and buy me some drugs. I want you to go and and i'm not talking of drugs as in medication. I'm talking of the hardcore stuff, you know?

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What would you do? You have to refuse, you have to say that. I pray that you quit this habit. And really, it's a bad habit. And unfortunately, I will not be able to do this because it is sinful. It is not only sinful, but harmful as well. You respectfully, but you don't start swearing him that you start swearing, shouting, screaming, no, that is your father. He asked you to do something very bad. You declined it. But respectfully, are you following what I'm saying? That is your duty unto your father, because that is your father no matter what. He's your father. We have some fathers who have abused their children, a stone zero law, we need to talk about it for a moment, my beloved father,

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you have been granted the daughter or a son. And here you are abusing these children in some way or another not just sexual abuse, which does happen by the way, it happens a lot. By the way, May Allah forgive those parents but you know, the damage that is done is so severe that it would not be enough to jail you that would not be enough. It would not be enough May Allah subhanahu wa taala grant protection to our own children from the evil of shape and remember, people are good shape and is bad.

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When something bad happens, blame the devil. But don't blame the devil in the way that you keep on doing the bad. We blame the devil you did not get up for Salatin. fudger you say

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Billahi min ash shaytani r rajim. You know, I was sleeping shaper and came he made me feel so good. Before I knew it. I was already fast asleep once again and the sun had already risen.

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But if that's happening every day, you become a small shape on yourself. Now Allah subhanho wa Taala protectors

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of Allah tala safeguard us. So what you need to realize is, some of the people have bad habits. We abuse our children by screaming at them, yelling at them, swearing them, shouting them beating them up. And we think I'm a father, I am entitled No, my beloved father, that is a test for you. You are also a creature of Allah. Allah blessed you with those children as a test for you and you are failing that test don't allow that to happen.

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However, going back to the child Subhanallah like I said from the very beginning, Allah says do good to your parents. Why? Because he chose them for you.

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Why? Who created you? We say Allah, how did he choose to make you? He chose to make me through these parents of mine? Who are they? This my mother, that's my father, okay? They divorced.

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So if they divorced, I still need to be kind to my mother, I still need to be kind to my father. They are divorced, I need to be kind to both of them. And if there is politics between them, you know what that means? If there is mudslinging between them, mom tells you, you know, dad is very bad. And dad tells you, you know, mommy's very bad. You can excuse yourself and say, listen, please don't talk to me about my mother, or please don't talk to me about my father. And that's if we should be mature enough that when we have a problem between us as husband, wife, we should not let it seep down to the children, because it will affect them mentally, emotionally, they feel insecure.

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And as a result, they go into bad habits. They go into bad friends, they look for security and love online and elsewhere. And then when they fall, headfirst, we start saying, I wonder what happened to the child, I gave them such a good upbringing. Many times people say I gave my son, my daughter, such a good upbringing, I don't know where they went wrong. And I say, Come here, let's talk, ask them 2030 questions, and you realize how bad the parent they will. They will not there. They didn't participate. They fought, they did so many things. Everything plays a role, it has an impact upon the children.

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So as a child, if you see the problems, try and educate your parents also, because it's not wrong for you, as a child to correct your father, you need to do that to correct your mother, you need to do that. And I need to take that in as a parent. If my children tell me I think you're going wrong. I need to think to myself, if this child is right, then indeed, I need to change.

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Your son tells you that the way you are reading Salah is actually wrong.

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I saw what you're doing when you are reading Salah, and you are putting your forehead on the ground and your nose is not on the ground. So you need to put the nose you say you are my son, keep quiet. Who are you and your father? How can you tell me? Listen, you are wrong. In Islam, it does not matter how old you are or what your relationship is. You correct someone respectfully, respectfully meaning in a nice way you tell them something beautifully. If you do not correct someone in a beautiful way you will damage society, how even if it's your own child?

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Because there becomes a trend of pointing bashing? You know what happens with us. If I did something wrong. No one will come to me with a note to say, I think you need to correct this or that or no one will send me a private email to say, you know, I really respect you. But I think you made two mistakes in your life or three mistakes that are glaring this one, this one and this one. And then they leave it between me and Allah but they fulfilled their duty. What they would rather do is go behind your back. Where did they get this wrong? They got it from a young age when the parents brought them up. There was something that happened within that family unit that made them hit this

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way and that way without tackling the metal. tackle the metal beautiful, respectable way I'm enjoying speaking to you because I stopped for two minutes. Do you notice that? I'm enjoying it. There's nothing wrong superb I pray for those who made this possible. May Allah bless them and their offspring.

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And every one of us do Mashallah. It doesn't mean that just when a mistake happens then we pray for them. But we pray for them to Yes, it's like you know when people park their cars in the wrong way. So what happens is you make the announcement or we are advertising free to the car. You see, we are seeing Golf GTI number plates, see at 2000 white in color, park the emergency we need to leave. Now the brother is sitting in front of you but he doesn't want to leave because all of the machine will look at him. Everyone is going to look at him. So you have to say whoever's Chi it is May Allah bless you with Jenna. Bella, forgive you. Allah grant you good health. Now he looks he says

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Alhamdulillah Hamid

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two three people start getting up you want to know whose Chi is it? Subhana Allah Subhana Allah then what happened is one brother told me chef You know what, there is a problem because now people want to park their car in the way so that they get a DA

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so I say You know what? May Allah give double to those who did not park the car in the wrong way.

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So we still have the DA Allah bless you all Allah, it's beautiful. The deal is so beautiful. So kind of Allah is merciful. If you have made a mistake in your life, trust me, it's not the end. It's not the end. You are still a very good person. You are still a lovely person. It is

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To those who love you truly to see the goodness in you and remind you that you're a good person.

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Ask a mother whose son is in the club and drinking and on drugs addicted completely. According to us, they've wasted their lives. Ask the mother, she will say, I still have hope my child is a good boy. Have you heard that happening? is a very good boy. He is such a lovely child. I don't know. I hope Allah I pray to Allah that Allah brings him back and the mother continues praying and praying and praying and praying, whereas we who look from the side, what do we do we say Ghana, finished life is gone. You look at him, you say what are you doing in the masjid here? May Allah forgive us? I recall one day, there was a man who had a very big problem he was walking in the masjid. And a few

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of the pious people, you know, pious means those who eat pious. So meaning it depends what you're talking about. Right? If those who are truly pious they are religious people who have soft heart who like to reach out to others who are filled with love filled with kindness and goodness. You know, when you see them you really feel like you want to be a better Muslim, they remind you of Allah subhanho wa Taala but the other pioneers is those who eat pies. They were standing by the masjid they saw this guy who never comes to the masjid he was coming who brought him to the masjid Allah, how? By putting a problem in his life when he had a problem in his life. Do you know what happened?

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He decided let me go to the masjid and make dua I make Toba and I will inshallah turn back to Allah and I will ask Allah to help me through my problem. So he came

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as he was coming.

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These people said, Ah, you got lost today. You know what that means? What are you doing here? My brother. This is not your house. The poor fellow. It was the last time we saw him at the masjid. He went away.

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Because he felt so bad. When I met him some time later. I told him listen, Brother, don't worry about these people. Don't worry about anyone you come, it's not their house. That was the last hurdle that shaytan put in front of you. And Allah wanted to show you that I am the one who is merciful. The other people may not be merciful.

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So I want to reach out to all my brothers and sisters here. When law he the almighty loves you. That's why you are here. The Almighty loves you. That's why you are listening. Because you need hope. You need encouragement, you need to know you're a good person. There is goodness in everyone. The problem is we don't see it. We don't develop it. We don't encourage people, we are ready to fire any small thing Bad, bad, bad, bad, bad. Notice I'm pointing at the wall. I'm not pointing at anyone in particular.

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Any small thing we're ready to point. But good things.

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Good things we don't even want to look towards. This happens with our own children in our own homes. We pick on them anytime. And every time they do something bad. We pick on them. Poor child comes back from the examination with his results. He is excited. I got 98% in a typical home, what do they do? How did you lose the 2%

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I mean, relaxed, I got 98 I was top of the class, you could have got 100

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Next time, work hard. You know what I tell my children when

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I tell them son, enjoy school. I don't need you to come first, second, or third. I need you to work as hard as you can. While you're enjoying your life at the school. I don't want tension on your head, you come back and you're crazy.

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Enjoy it. It's a time to actually develop in a holistic way not just to get results how many people get top marks, but socially, they are kept so strictly that they are scared to talk to anyone. Because the father and the mother are like hey, you better study from what time to water from 10 o'clock to 10 o'clock studying 10 o'clock to 10 o'clock.

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Allah subhanho wa Taala forgive us.

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Enjoy your time. You don't need to be first because the classroom that is made up of 30 people 40 people, how many can come first one, maybe two. The rest of them they're not daft. Those of the rest of them will become the doctors and the accountants and Allah today we're all graduated. A lot of us here look like we are professionals. Mashallah. No one's going to ask you when you first or second in the class, did you get 98% 100%? No, I could have got 49 and I wrote again, who knows? No one knows where Allah subhanho wa Taala helped us so that the end is better say amen.

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So, we need to respect our parents because if we respect our parents, we will be able to fulfill the plan of Allah subhanho wa Taala here on Earth, you respect your parents. When does obedience come in? obedience comes in when they tell you that which Allah has told you to

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For example, your mother your father says, You know what, you better get a force Allah, Allah He, you have to the reason is Allah told you and your parents are telling you. Similarly, we need something permissible, and your mother Your father is telling you,

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you should listen to them, you should obey the instruction, your father says, I want you to go very carefully. I want you to get up at this time and come or go or do this or do that and it's something permissible, you should listen. That's your father. That's your mother.

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SubhanAllah. However, when it comes to big decisions, very big decisions, remember something very important.

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That is, you have to discuss with one another. As the child grows older, he develops or she develops a mind of his own, a heart of his or her own in the sense that they have their own feelings. They have their own dreams, they have their own understandings, your father and your mother can have had dreams, you can have had dreams for your children.

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as they grow older, you have to adjust those dreams in accordance with the reality on the ground. You have to adjust them. You cannot when the child is born, you cannot look at the child and say Doctor, Doctor what doctor Subhana Allah.

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So someone who doesn't know English, they might think No, not doctor, this is a son.

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Because the way they pronounce daughter is like Doctor also. May Allah subhanaw taala. Grant us ease. You need to know you might want your child to be a big alima chef, whatever people now have some noble ideas, work towards it, but realize that on the ground, something might happen that is different. They might want to choose otherwise, don't force your children to do what they don't want to do. Don't they want to become something no problem become that you're a good Muslim you fulfill your Salah, you're an honest person, you worship Allah alone, you're trying your best to follow the Sunnah of the most beloved of all creation to be Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, indeed,

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you're on the right path. Not everyone needs to be the same thing. Not everyone needs to be the same thing. But then there comes a question of marriage.

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A lot of children might say, Dad, you helped me inshallah, you know, let's a mom. Come, I'm ready to get married, you can help me inshallah. And it happens in a lot of homes, I think majority the bulk of homes, it still happens like this, where the children will say, Please help us. And then you're introduced to 1234. Perhaps you meet a few people, many, when you're happy with someone you say like I'm happy here. If they are still not happy with you, you might have to go again. Because it does not mean that when you are happy with someone they are happy with you. See, it's common logic.

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Because you say I don't like this person, or I'm not compatible suitable with this one. Not this one. Not this one. Yes. This one is a very good one. And that one would say, I don't think I'm compatible with you. So Pamela, it happens. It's okay. Don't become depressed. You can say no problem. We try again. And you go on and on. And you might want to go back to someone who you thought was not compatible to you. You say, hang on, you know, the third person I met? I really think they were good. No harm in going back. They might say, too late.

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Too late.

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Why am I saying this because this is the heart of the home, the family unit must be so beautiful. You must have such a powerful relationship that you can talk, you can joke, you can laugh, you can air your views, you can say what you have to you can say your fears, and nobody's going to bash you because of what you've said. They will guide you, they will teach you this is what the family unit is all about. And today, with the globe becoming a little village because of technology and communications and the advancement in the tool. You need to know it's even more important for you and I to be closer to our children very close.

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You know, we say the parents should be the Friends of the children. Well, technically, yes, they should be a friendship, but there must be a little line where they know that's my father. That's my mother. There has to be a little line. So it's friendship. But on another level, Mashallah tabarrok Allah, you know, you cannot just sit with your dad, put your legs up, take out the weed from your pocket and start. That doesn't happen. May Allah forgive us? Well, I'll never let that happen to us and giving you an example. You know, that's my father. Used to be a bit of concern, a bit of concern. And my beloved parents when you are admonishing your children, you do so in a smart way.

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You know, we are living in a smart world. You have the smartphone, you have the smart screen. When you admonish your children in a smart way. Sometimes without talking, you can confiscate some technological contraption that they may have for a little while or you give them something let them earn the points to use it. When the children are little. You can do that easily. as they grow older. You took one phone and the girl will say my dad took my phone. I still got another three under the pillow. It happens. I have another 300

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I recall one young man messaging me about a big problem he had in his home. He said, Now my father's confiscated my phone. So I said, How are you messaging me now he says this phone is not declared,

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not declared, which means he's under under the mattress under the cover. It happens people are sharp. So when they grow older, you might not be able to fool them that way. But when they are young, you can say, look, I have you bought an iPad for you, you play with it. So they play with it, they're excited, they're into it, Mashallah. And the day passes, and they cannot even let go, then you say, now you give it to me.

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You earned it. When you spent the day in a specific way, when you've done this work of yours, when when it's the time to play, I will give it to you for two hours. And here goes Hannah law, one of the quick ways is to turn off the Wi Fi turn off the Wi Fi, trust me to do that is a bigger punishment than to slap the child or to really jail the childhood with the child. For them, it's a tantrum and a half.

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Unless they have the password from next door, and it's over.

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May Allah subhanho wa Taala forgive us May Allah subhanho wa Taala forgive us. So these are methods of correcting your children that are smart ways of doing things. What I have said may not apply in your case, they might be a different way, they might be something else. Sometimes you give them a treat your son likes this, your daughter likes that you give it to them when they have deserved it because they did something. It's a gift of Allah, Allah has given you so much. You don't need to just throw everything towards your children, let them earn it, earn it by doing good, you know, when you go to work every day, from time eight to five, you get the salary at the end of the week, or at

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the end of the month, right? If you did not go to work, they cut your salary in a lot of cases.

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But did you do you worked hard you worked towards they told you to do something saying you are in a factory where they are manufacturing

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or producing something.

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And you are a person who really does your job very well. You might even get a bonus, you might even get a prize you might be awarded, you might have something extra because of so much in terms of production, it's an incentive The same applies. If your children would like something consider giving it to them when the day went well, when the week went well, when everything was okay, so panela and don't over penalize your children.

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What that means is the son he might have, okay, I'll give you my own example. My example when I was little. One day, we had guests in the home. And my grandfather, May Allah give him gentlemen, he was there with us.

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And he was looking at me. He was

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he was he couldn't hear properly. You know, at that age, he was about 8687. And

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he came into the lounge when the meal was already done, and now there was decent and ice cream. So it was my favorite ice cream. And I was there serving the guests. So I asked the guests, would you like some they said no. Would you like some? No. Would you like some? No. You know what we say in my culture? For me? May Allah subhanho wa Taala grant us ease anyway, I was a little boy. So I took my bowl, and I decided to take ice cream. You know when you're young what happens? You take a big scoop and you look at it and say this is my favorite. Take another scoop put it and my grandfather's just watching.

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I promise you it wasn't so bad, but I ate it. And these people had some tea or something else. When they went when they went. My grandfather called my mother

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and he said, You see this son of yours? You have not taught him manners. I'm sure you people have had this happening right? You have not taught him manners. She says What happened? He took all the ice cream himself in the guests he didn't even give them

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so my mother's looking at me whose story should she believe mine? Oh, his and she decided you know what? The grandfather has already tackled it because he told me you. You are so greedy. You have eaten ice cream with a big ice cream eater. You have What what? And he kept on going now you know at his age. He forgets the next day that he told you but he remembers what you did. So he starts all over again.

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And voila he I promise you

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he did it for a whole year.

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Every time he sees me I was the bad boy. Ice cream boy so much so that up to this day I feel ashamed I'm eating ice cream.

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I just look at it I take a little bit as it is like okay, thank you so much.

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The point is you know small ice cream thing you don't for one whole year May Allah give him Jana he did it out of love Trust me. I have no ill feeling I love him so much. May Allah give him Jelena he was a great man. He used to read one Quran every few days. He was

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Such a pious person, but because of his forgetfulness, whatever the reason was the point I want to raise is you cannot go on and on and on for something that your child did that was already gone and over you don't keep reminding them. You know you you did this you did that you are a bad child. No, we are living in an era where you have to tell the child what good the child did you embrace your child you kiss your child, I want to ask those who are older than 60 years old here.

00:30:31--> 00:30:40

To answer your the question within yourself maybe even beyond 50 you answer the question inside? How many of you have kissed your sons and daughters?

00:30:41--> 00:31:04

Question I don't want the answer allowed. But I just want you to think about it. If you have good use you fulfill the sooner if you haven't Subhana Allah, you know you kiss on the forehead, you kiss On the cheeks, you give them an embrace, to tell them how much you love them. How many of you have done this? The Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam kissed his grandson sallallahu alayhi wa sallam.

00:31:07--> 00:31:10

And the Loch Raven have this was there?

00:31:12--> 00:31:23

He says, I have 10 sons. How can you kiss your son? I don't kiss any one of them. So the prophet SAW Selim says Mullah Johan, now Durham,

00:31:24--> 00:31:56

whoever does not have mercy shall not be shown mercy. Wow. That one statement taught us right up to piano that a kiss to your child is not only asuna but it's a sign of the mercy and it goes on the mercy of Allah upon you. You want the mercy of Allah show mercy upon your children? Did you hear what I said? You want the mercy of Allah upon you show mercy upon your children to begin with, to begin with?

00:31:58--> 00:32:03

Allah subhanho wa Taala. Grant us goodness and ease. Now my brothers and sisters, like I said,

00:32:05--> 00:32:42

we need to realize who our parents are. We need to fulfill their rights. We need to respect them. We need to speak to them kindly. We need to obey their instruction where it is not interfering with what Allah has instructed. When it comes to the big decisions such as marriage, involve the child, it is wrong. It is wrong to unilaterally decide who's going to marry your child without them having a say. Did you hear what I said? If they have asked you to do that for them or to help them that I've already spoken about but where you decide I know in some cultures,

00:32:43--> 00:32:54

the parents tell the daughter your Nika has in July. Oh, two, don't worry, you will see what I have chosen a very good guy for you. Very good guy.

00:32:57--> 00:32:58

Come July.

00:32:59--> 00:33:02

This woman is taken to her Nika. Nika is done.

00:33:04--> 00:33:10

Evening, this old man comes into the room. Who are you? Your father owed me 60,000 rupees.

00:33:11--> 00:33:20

But he told me Don't worry, you can marry my daughter. What? Wallah he what I told you has happened. It's a true story. Cousin, I swear by Allah.

00:33:22--> 00:33:23

And we call ourselves Muslim.

00:33:25--> 00:33:42

That child of yours? Why did the Hadith say if you have daughters, and you look after them, and you give them a good upbringing, and you get them married to good homes, you will get paradise? Why did the Hadith say that? Because you are bringing up and raising a child of yours for someone else? Did you hear this?

00:33:43--> 00:34:21

For someone else, my daughter SubhanAllah. And I raised my daughter, I love her. I care for her I spent on her. But I'm not going to charge the guy like some cultures. What they do is they come to the man on the day of the engagement when they are talking about the wedding. And they say right, I sent this child to private school we paid 20,000 us Let's date and then I the child has eaten with me so much average to $5 a day so many years. That's this much here that now you owe me approximately 50,000 us will lie some cultures do this. And the guy says What are you talking about? What are you talking about?

00:34:22--> 00:34:47

And then they say no, don't worry, I give you 50 years to pay 1000 every year. So Allah you are enslaving the poor boy. He has to start his life with he's thinking of a house he's thinking of a car now he's gonna think of getting a bank loan for this issue here. May Allah forgive us. If that is the case you are selling your child you will not be able to achieve Jenna or paradise because whatever you did, you actually got the money off back.

00:34:48--> 00:34:59

When you had the daughter it was an investment and talking of some cultures. It's not applicable perhaps in the culture here. But we might have a reverse problem. Who knows? May Allah subhanho wa Taala grant us goodness

00:35:00--> 00:35:01

We might have a reverse problem.

00:35:02--> 00:35:50

Make it easy. This afternoon I was at the Nika of one of the young brothers of your community. And a point I raised I want to repeat it here. My brothers, my sisters, Allah has made nica and marriage very easy. If you do not facilitate it and make it easy for your son or your daughter, you are going against the command of Allah, you are breaking asuna of Rasulullah sallallahu and you will not have an answer for Allah on the Day of Judgment. Remember this, Allah made it easy, very easy. Two minutes nikka is done. I'm sure you have attended Nicolas. Right. Two minutes it's over. Allah says make it easy. Why are you making it hard you are defying Allah subhanho wa Taala. Don't do that.

00:35:50--> 00:35:59

It's part of the family unit. Because the family unit is strengthened if you marry a person you want to marry. If you marry a person you are happy with.

00:36:00--> 00:36:04

There needs to be some form of a spark as well. You cannot say look, you know what?

00:36:06--> 00:36:42

We are taught to look at the dean. So I looked at the dean and I'm getting you married. We are taught to look at the dean as a point that is the deciding factor. That's what is meant by you. You shouldn't be looking at the person it's as soon to go and look at someone before you even are engaged. It's as soon as I see them, talk to them meet them because there needs to be some form of a feeling in the heart yes Mashallah. She's good looking, Mashallah. He's a handsome guy. SubhanAllah not that you look at and she says, Salam O Allah. And you certainly What's going on? You know, May Allah forgive us. I've never heard that woman with that voice. But I'm just showing you for example,

00:36:42--> 00:36:47

in case there was I will be fighting Nazis, who was Salah, and take two steps back.

00:36:49--> 00:37:28

So you need to talk you might like something you look forward to it. So in that way, when the union comes forth, it is blessed. You follow the sooner you did it in the proper way. And now you are ready to live a life and what is the whole purpose of getting married? We lose focus. It's not just to have a honeymoon to show your friends, what type of wife I have, and before you know it, one of your friends will steal her. May Allah forgive us it is happening while it's happening. I know of a man who divorced his wife because his friend was having an affair with her. And later on she married May Allah forgive all of them, but it has happened. It is happening and it will happen. Because we

00:37:28--> 00:37:52

show off what we are not supposed to be showing off. You'll be happy. Your husband is a good man. Your wife is a very good person Mashallah. Work hard on the relationship. It is a sacrifice. It is a test from Allah, very big sacrifice, work hard on your relationships. Sometimes we are complaining, I've got a problem. But son, you are the one who Denise coming home every night, then what problem do you think you're going to have?

00:37:53--> 00:38:10

So Pamela, one brother told me, You know, I had to change the clock, because I arrived late at home. And I was frightened, I was worried what my wife might say or might not say. So Pamela, yes, you might want to resolve a problem, but it cannot happen every single day. It cannot.

00:38:12--> 00:38:31

You owe that to your family, build the family unit, you will build a society community. If the husband is unhappy, what is he going to do? And if the wife is also unhappy? What is she going to do? You have a broken home, you have society crumbling, because then who's going to look after the children, and then we have children who have Allah and we are not looking after them?

00:38:33--> 00:38:43

Not at all. We don't spend time with them. We don't take them to the masjid. We don't encourage them. We don't say good and kind words to them. We don't participate in their lives.

00:38:46--> 00:38:54

And then you want the good society happy home. Mashallah happy family, happy society? How will that happen if we have not made an effort in that direction.

00:38:55--> 00:39:18

So this is why we say the decision of getting married you need to know You must involve the person getting married, you have to involve them, let them have the biggest say, Not you, as a father or a mother, you can have direction. I always say if you participated in your child's life from the beginning,

00:39:19--> 00:39:56

they will readily listen to you because there will be a big understanding between you. But what do we do these days, we don't participate suddenly, wherever it suits us. We run in and we come in, and it suited me to actually come in at this juncture where I must decide who you're going to get married to. And suddenly this disaster already, we suffered for 25 years, and now we're going to suffer for the rest of our lives. May Allah subhanho wa Taala not make us from those. May Allah make it easy for our sons and daughters to be married. And may we be from among those who facilitate the marriage of our sons and daughters say amin Mashallah, Mashallah May Allah subhanho wa Taala bless

00:39:56--> 00:40:00

us. So the reason why Allah

00:40:00--> 00:40:28

law has given so much of importance to the children, to the parents to the brothers and sisters is because when you have a good relationship, when you have learned to resolve your matters together as a family, it you stand a better chance to resolve your problems as a community, and then as a nation, and then on a global level. The problem let's face facts with us at the moment is in our families, we have not solved our problems.

00:40:29--> 00:40:55

Your brother, blood brother, mother, father, the same, you don't talk with him. Why? Because of 2000 US dollars. It is happening. You don't talk to him. Why? Because his son told your son something and you didn't like it and that's it, it broke the two of you and it's over. You need to come grow up a little bit. You need to understand. Do you know to have siblings is a gift of Allah.

00:40:57--> 00:41:01

To have siblings is a gift of Allah subhanho wa Taala

00:41:05--> 00:41:08

ask those who don't have a brother or a sister how it was.

00:41:10--> 00:41:16

The problem is from a young age, we start fighting over petty things petty matters

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will lie It's called the sibling rivalry. young age small you have a game you didn't give me a chance to make a piano didn't have a chance. I don't talk to you for two weeks because you didn't give me a chance the game, learn to play together, learn to teach your children to play together, learn that they are all or teach them and you should know as well that they are one they should be understanding each other. One of the unique features of a family is that brothers and sisters are not the same. Sometimes they don't look the same. Sometimes they don't think the same. Sometimes they don't like the same things. That's a unique feature. Allah is preparing you for community

00:42:04--> 00:42:44

society and the globe at large to say you're going to have to deal with someone who's very different from you, how are you going to deal with them? I come from quite a big family Mashallah my brothers and sisters Alhamdulillah we get along we know the temperament of each one. And therefore we allow them that space of this allow them the space respect them, each one grows at his or her own pace. You cannot expect every child to be the same and you don't have to praise one and not praise the other. You can praise one in something and the other in another thing, but you need to look for where they deserve the praise. You say this child Mashallah doesn't miss Salah at all. Is there five

00:42:44--> 00:43:08

minutes before the Salah prays the Salah fulfills it and hamdulillah What a lovely child my other one very, very good at school and hamdulillah he does very well Mashallah, you didn't say he doesn't pray? Because what is the point of embarrassing your children in front of the others? If you have a problem of that nature with them, you address it with them? You don't have to publicize it. And you don't ever say well ah Hey, I know of cases.

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And like I say I've been a counselor for many years and I tell you some real life problems. I know of a case where there was a family with

00:43:19--> 00:43:33

one of the daughters is slightly darker in complexion than the others. The mother purposely tells her you walk behind us in the mall walk behind I don't want you to walk with us. Why?

00:43:34--> 00:43:38

You're very dark in complexion. It doesn't suit this nice happy family.

00:43:39--> 00:44:23

To be nah I told you moments ago that's a test from Allah you are walking straight towards the wrong direction the opposite direction from Jenna How could you do that dark in complexion I love you lighten complexion I love you. So Panama what is complexion got to do with anything? But we've become so dirty and so cheap that for us complexion is everything. You look at the markets, I'm not sure about this country, but perhaps it may be a problem. Look at the markets, how many products to make your skin fair, how many products and a lot of the times as soon as you bring it into the country it's sold out. Why? Be happy with your complexion, build your heart or lie with your heart.

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It's not all about external features. You are a good person. You as parents need to go out of your way to praise your children to make them feel that they are indeed loved by you no matter what happens. And keep guiding them where they are going wrong. Keep guiding them Don't lose hope. Pray for them. How many of us pray for our children. How many of us pray for our parents. How many of us praying for our brothers or sisters when a problem comes in the home and the relationship is broken for a while? Do you know what the Hadith says Ladies and rasuluh bill McAfee enamel enamel washing

00:45:00--> 00:45:03

A lady, a woman, either

00:45:06--> 00:45:19

a good maintainer of family ties, and that is a duty given to us from Allah subhanho wa Taala. To maintain family relations and to maintain a good maintainer is not the one who has a tip for tat relationship.

00:45:20--> 00:45:57

They give you $5 give them $5, they invited you to the house, you invite them to the house, they did this for you, you do that for them. That might be decent, but that's not a good maintainer of family ties. A good maintain of family ties is he or she whom when the ties are broken, he or she makes the biggest effort to resolve the matter. You get up every day for no please, I love you forgive me. No, please. It's okay. Sometimes you just need to say forgive me and I'm sorry, even if you think you are not wrong, because if that statement can solve your problem, so what so what at the end of the day is your problem?

00:45:58--> 00:45:59

At the end of the day, it's your system.

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May Allah subhanho wa Taala make it easy for all those who are suffering at the hands of their siblings to resolve the matters and those who are suffering at the hands of their own parents, may Allah make it easy for you to resolve your matters.

00:46:16--> 00:46:20

So, this is the type of behavior some people have

00:46:21--> 00:46:44

they discriminate against their own siblings. Remember, if we do that, society will crumble. That child will develop for example, the example I was giving you, the child may develop an attitude they may develop bad habits, they will search for love elsewhere, they will search for attention in another direction and they will get it but in the wrong way.

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And who is to blame Allah He those who caused it they are to blame.

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And they are answerable to Allah. I want you today to promise in your heart that you will do whatever is in your capacity to ensure that your family unit is refilled with love. Is that a good enough promise? Yes, it is inshallah refill with love. Go and try. Go and smile. give a gift. At least greet each other. So Pamela, start somewhere. If a relationship has gone sour, make sure you do something about it. When we have little children. We are so excited as they grow older they become our enemies. Why? Because they start making choices not that we're not according to our dreams. So what adjust your dream like I said, adjusted, it's fine.

00:47:36--> 00:47:39

Allah make it easy for us, my brothers and sisters.

00:47:41--> 00:48:14

We need to know that the family unit is a gift from Allah ask those who don't have families. Ask those who don't have relatives and families. You know, when the day of eat comes? It's a big issue. Why is it a big issue? because on one hand there are some who don't have a place to go I was in the UK for the eagle veto last year. And some were telling me Mashallah this family eat the beautiful eat where we are meeting the muslimeen and we are meeting all the people and everyone is happy it has given me an opportunity to interact with brothers and sisters because I'm alone one person

00:48:15--> 00:48:36

and I was thinking to myself May Allah make it easy for all of those we don't know how it feels when the day of eat comes you go to the masjid you read your Salah you come back home to an empty home there is what is there to celebrate Subhan Allah What is there to celebrate? Yes, we would feel happy but at the same time sad that we don't have a big family or we don't even have a family

00:48:38--> 00:48:57

and on the other hand there are people who are complaining about how big the lead is because now there are too many brothers and sisters too many children we're going to detach and and then there is another problem whereby you don't know whether to go for it to your house or your wife's house big problems why cause the problems just come up with a solution Be polite, but firm.

00:49:00--> 00:49:02

Does it remind you of the sound a little bit earlier

00:49:03--> 00:49:37

Be polite very polite, be kind smile about it but solve the problem how you make a decision say inshallah even fitter you come to my home, it will add how we will go to your home or even fit on the end of this year at my home next year at your home inshallah, what's wrong, you can take your wife to her family's house, especially if she's living nearby. You can even say lunch you will have at my home and supper at yours. Not because you knew you would be full anyway from the lunch, but it should be a reality I want to take you and maybe the other it will be vice versa. There's nothing wrong.

00:49:38--> 00:49:53

It is your wife indeed. But you need to make sure that if the parents are nearby perhaps in the nearby city make her day once in a while. Make her eat it will be easy for her to I'm so happy. I'll call my mother and tell her Angel I'm coming for eat Mashallah.

00:49:54--> 00:49:59

May Allah subhanho wa Taala make it easy for us. We need to be balanced people you know

00:50:00--> 00:50:33

People who get married a long time ago, were given the advice to be hard past sleep, you must be the one who's wearing the pants, it's irrelevant, who's wearing the pants irrelevant. There should be a good understanding between the two of you, that's what should happen, there should be a good understanding between the two of you and not just the two of you, even your children, your siblings, good understanding, you need to give everyone their freedom of thinking and understanding and airing the views etc. so on.

00:50:35--> 00:50:44

problem comes when we want to impose ourselves every single time upon the rest of the family, they become upset with us,

00:50:46--> 00:50:47

they are hurt.

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The family unit is also destroyed sometimes when physically we force everyone to live together.

00:50:55--> 00:51:11

And we have enough to be able to separate that is a point I want to end with inshallah, and that is do you know, my brothers and sisters, as your children get married, there is no merit in keeping them in the same home. If you can afford another place, no merit.

00:51:14--> 00:51:16

People think that's my son, he must stay in the house.

00:51:18--> 00:51:59

My son's all of them must stay in the house here, you know what they'd rather stay next door, stay across the road stay five minutes away, the love will increase when they see you. You see their children, you are happy, you are smiling Subhana Allah, you are okay if they volunteer to stay with you Alhamdulillah. But sometimes, it creates a disaster because you have people of different generations. You see, I am looking after my children, I am bringing them up according to what I've learned According to my experience, according to what I learned from my own parents, sometimes I might have my own parents who might want to bring up my children according to their ways that may

00:51:59--> 00:52:10

not be suitable totally for the age that we're living in. And therefore, you end up fighting with your own father or your own mother, regarding your children or your wife does the dirty job for you.

00:52:12--> 00:52:47

If that is the case, and there is politics, and there is a slight bit of a problem, before it gets worse, the best thing is to come and perhaps shift next door. If you need to serve them, you shall serve them, you must serve them, serve them in what way you visit them, you take food for them, perhaps you are kind to them, you will ask them what is needed, you will get for them, perhaps whatever they need, you might get medical attention for them, you might want to go with them on a journey once in a while, and so on and so forth. depending if your mother is a widow, for example, may Allah make it easy for her, you need to take care of her you need to speak and address speak to

00:52:47--> 00:52:49

her and address matters if they have arisen.

00:52:51--> 00:53:30

For example, is a problem in the home. You cannot say that's my mother stomaches stomachic Subhana. Allah, I can't, there is a limit. I know it's your mother. But if your mother is wrong, she's wrong. What can I do about it, you have to say it's my mother, give me a little bit of time, inshallah, I will try and address this in a nice way, then you have to sit with your mother, you have to remind her of what she's done. You have to remind her of how lovely she is. You have to give her so many doors. And then you have to raise your 1.1 point, you know, ma'am, this is the point and then you raise it in a nicer she might become upset. But you know what you have to sometimes be polite, but

00:53:31--> 00:53:32


00:53:33--> 00:54:00

polite and pull up. But this is a problem. I need to solve it because if you don't, it will seep in through the children. Children start hating the grandparent sometimes because every day they see what's going on. They find it too stressful. No one is dealing with the matter. We just brush it under the carpet under the carpet a day passes two day pass a year, two years, 20 years, we are still suffering in the same condition. Why? If you're not a strong person to be able to deal with it, then at least respectfully shift out.

00:54:02--> 00:54:08

This is how you have a strong family unit the heart the heart will be solid.

00:54:10--> 00:54:22

And then the blood flows Mashallah. And it flows suddenly there is love. There is goodness, have you noticed something about the heart. The heart is not only connected to the blood,

00:54:23--> 00:54:26

but it's even connected to your feelings.

00:54:28--> 00:54:29

You feel love.

00:54:30--> 00:54:35

In way in your heart. There's a close connection between the heart and the mind. Very close connection.

00:54:36--> 00:54:37

My heart.

00:54:38--> 00:54:59

I don't know why to this day. When they show an image of a heart. They actually show a certain shape. That is not the shape of the true hearts. Have you noticed if you haven't picked up your phone and see what's up, you'll see that heart, that heart that is shaped like this little vehicle

00:55:00--> 00:55:42

Bottom with a, you know, two bumps at the top. That's not the exact shape of your heart inside of you. But they've just given it that shape. Looks nice people draw it. What does it mean? Now? I know one marriage that broke. Because of that. emoticons. Be careful. Be careful how you use it. We always tell people, you know, you must send romantic messages to your wife. The poor guy comes to me says what could I do I did wrong number man, it was the wrong number. I sent it to the wrong number. Wrong number, you made the big mistake, he made the big mistake, there will be disaster on either side. But that heart is something where you feel there is a feeling it pumps a line. And this

00:55:42--> 00:55:45

feeling needs to be

00:55:47--> 00:55:49

there in the correct way.

00:55:51--> 00:56:31

It needs to grow in the right direction. If you don't allow it to grow in the right direction, it will grow in the wrong direction. So we ask Allah subhanho wa Taala to help us resolve our matters. For indeed, We will then have Better Homes and what is the fruit of having a beautiful home, you will be able to have a beautiful community. Now you learned how to solve problems. Where did I learn it from my own house, my own family members, I'm very tolerant with your siblings, your brothers, your sisters, be patient, be tolerant, let them have it their way, it does not have to be your way all the time. No, let them have it their way. Give them their way. Sometimes it happens to me, as a

00:56:31--> 00:57:06

family, I wish to visit someone as a family. I wish to go somewhere. But some of the members of my family are not interested in coming. They'll tell you that I don't want to come or sometimes your own wife will tell you I really don't want to come What do you do? You cannot keep on saying you shall come and the father here and the husband? No, you don't want to come? It's okay. Nevermind no problem. It's not in. It's not a very important thing. If there is something important you can market the product, you need to start talking about the importance of this thing, you know, end of the week, there is a friend of mine. He's getting married very close to me. He's a really good guy.

00:57:07--> 00:57:41

You know, we go back a long, long time. What am I doing? It's got nothing to do with that. It's got to do with the fact that I really want you to come. So I'm marketing the product. I'm telling you, you see what a lovely guy. Then you mentioned one, two things he's done. Then you mentioned how good he is. And you say, you know, that perfume that you have? Yes, yes, it was his family who gave that to you, you know, Oh, gosh. Now you see what's happening a day later. You can see the guys getting married in the weekend. I think it would be lovely, awesome. If we all just showed up for five minutes. Okay, five minutes. Yeah, we'll go no problem. Let's all go Subhan Allah, ha ha ha ha ha. I

00:57:41--> 00:57:48

started this whole this whole episode two days ago when I started talking to you, but I only came out with it today because that was my strategy.

00:57:50--> 00:58:00

Why am I saying this to show you that it's not just that example. Anything you want. These are your family members be sensitive to their feelings,

00:58:01--> 00:58:23

their likes and dislikes. Talk to them in a nice way you really want something market the product, convince them that they need to do what you are telling them to do. Because today, if you force your child, trust me, they become hypocrites because behind your backs, they still do what they wanted to do. But if you convince your child, even if you're not there, they are convinced that they need to do this.

00:58:24--> 00:58:45

The problem is we are too lazy we don't have time we don't have the effort, the energy to sit and convince look at a man who comes to Nabi sallallahu Sallam a young man, he wanted to commit adultery. So he says, Oh messenger, I want to commit this sin. Imagine the relationship he had. I want to commit the sin, how many of us our children would come to us and tell us, you know that I was considering drugs? How

00:58:47--> 00:59:09

may that not happen? But it just depicts the closeness of the relationship. He says, I want to commit the sin and the messenger sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, the best of creation, the most noble of all prophets. Look at what he says. He says, Would you like it? If it were done to your mother says no, to your sister, no.

00:59:10--> 00:59:25

To a daughter, no, etc, etc. He asked a few questions. And then he says, Well, everyone is someones mother, someone's sister, someone's daughter. And he convinced him in a short while. You know what? I don't want to commit it and stuff like I don't that was shaped on I will never do it.

00:59:26--> 00:59:54

It was easy for someone to say what did you say? Right? Take him punish him, beat him up. Look what he wants to do beat him in advance. That's not the prophetic way. The prophetic way is that of love, that of kindness, that of mercy, that of sincere feeling for one another. You see someone else's child do something wrong. You rather make a dua for them and try and correct it in the proper way than to quickly put it on Facebook.

00:59:56--> 00:59:59

Quickly announced to the world you know that man, you know where I saw

01:00:00--> 01:00:01

His son at the nightclub.

01:00:03--> 01:00:07

The son will say Uncle, what were you doing there? You know the story.

01:00:08--> 01:00:09

You know the story.

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But that's not fair. May Allah subhanho wa Taala grant us goodness, I've spoken for exactly an hour. And I took out what happened initially insha Allah, may Allah bless us all May Allah really reward those who have made this possible. All those who have really made this possible, including those who have attended here, those who are busy with the live stream, those who are watching elsewhere, the brothers and sisters who have really made a great effort to make this program a huge, huge success. I really make dua that Allah bless you all in in whatever you are going through my luck rate is I mean, I've been coming to Sri Lanka since I think it's 2009. And for me, this was the best trip so

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far. This was the best trip so far. It was not possible to have it at another venue because I only confirmed late that I would be coming by that time, the venues were all filled for December, the Baraka and the mercy Allah allowed us to use his house for such a blessing gathering. And I'm sure we have really and thoroughly benefited by the word of Allah subhanho wa Taala please go home. And don't just say it was a good talk. But fill your heart with love for your family members and inshallah let it grow even beyond that. Learn to solve your problems, learn to make things easy for your family members to encourage them to give them boosting, encouraging words rather than to, you

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know, put them down at every moment and every opportunity that you get. May Allah bless you all akuto kolyada wa Salatu was Salam ala nabina Muhammad Subhan Allah Subhana Allah homovanillic a shadow Allah, Allah, Allah and the star hirokawa toilet