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Dealing with Family Problems

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Mufti Menk

Channel: Mufti Menk

Episode Notes

Maldives 2022

Episode Transcript

© No part of this transcript may be copied or referenced or transmitted in any way whatsoever. Transcripts are auto-generated and thus will be be inaccurate. We are working on a system to allow volunteers to edit transcripts in a controlled system.


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Salam Alaikum Warahmatullahi Wabarakatuh

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Bismillah R Rahman Rahim Al hamdu Lillahi wa sallahu wa salam ala Mallanna BIA, but Idaho ala alihi wa sahbihi. Germain.

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You see how excited I was that I actually jumped the gun.

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And I wanted to quickly come to the front and see all my brothers and sisters, may Allah bless you all and grant you blessings and goodness throughout your lives, my brothers, my sisters, the topic that is behind me, dealing with family problems

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is extremely important. If you were to look at the value given to family by Allah Almighty, you will come to realize that immediately after speaking about worshiping Him alone, which is of the greatest importance, he speaks about parents and then by extension of family members, and so on.

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We'll call the Buddha Allah or Buddha Oh

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yeah, who have been wildly dini.

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A beautiful verse where Allah says, He has declared that none shall be worshipped, but him and that you shall be kind to your parents, the parents being the root for you and I have the family unit. And obviously, if that unit is going to be intact, or it is going to be upon a high level of goodness, the rest of it will follow. It cannot be that the Almighty gives importance to something that is not important. Similarly, if we are being instructed by the maker himself, to be kind to

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what is known as the head of the family, the parents, they are the head of the family, then surely it will not be so easy to do that he would not need to repeat it if it was so simple. There are other verses where Allah speaks about it in a similar fashion, and gives the extension Why abodo Allah how Allah to Shri Kobe he shiny, building why widely than he is?

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And he continues to say, what do you call by Wahby, the Lupo, he speaks about worshiping Allah alone, being good to your parents and to your relatives. He wouldn't need to say that if it was simple, it's not going to be easy. It's going to be difficult. It requires sincerity. genuineness.

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True love is the love that is prepared to sacrifice. True love is the love that is prepared to compromise a little bit. True love is the love that is prepared to understand. True love is the love that is prepared to communicate. True love is the love that is prepared to sacrifice for the broader good. That is genuine love. Today, people pass on a statement I love you. In the first few seconds that they've even seen you Subhanallah they are saying I love what you look like but they've just dropped the other part of it. Okay. And it's not only about what you look like, are they prepared and are you prepared to sacrifice for indeed, love can be very painful as well.

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Are you prepared to endure a little bit of the pain in order to see that humanity continues in a way that will be filled with growth rather than with negativity?

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People get married today. They don't even know why they're getting married for them. I need to enjoy the rest of my life. Subhan Allah you know I am here in the Maldives without my spouse.

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Someone commented when I posted that I was in the Maldives. Mink is on honeymoon. I don't know if you saw that. I said I'm on the moon without my honey Subhanallah

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Why would I say that? The reason is My Beloved brothers and sisters.

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Sometimes you may be apart from each other. But the true love makes you so involved in the lives of one another that you are praying for their goodness, you are hoping and wishing them well and you communicate. Thanks to the technological advancement that has made that so easy. You communicate on a regular basis just to find out how was your day, what happened is everything okay? And ask about the family members, if you have children, ask about them, perhaps talk to them, etc. We are guilty of not sacrificing even that much.

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Many of us might be away from our families, we are guilty of not communicating with them, even though we have technology that those a few decades ago would never have believed would come into existence, including myself, if you told me 3040 years back when I was a kid, that there will come a day when you will hold a device in your hand and you will touch it, literally touch it on a screen and you will be able to see the people you're speaking to far away somewhere on the other side of the globe, I would tell you, that's impossible. That's because we didn't know any better. Today, nothing's impossible. If someone were to tell you something even more mind boggling than that you

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would say perhaps it can happen. Anything is possible. May Allah grant us ease. But I want to raise a more pertinent point, I'm speaking about communicating with those who are far away because they are part of your family and they are family members, we are guilty of not communicating with those whom we live with in the same apartment the same home at times.

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And then we'd like to talk about dealing with family problems when we've created the problem ourselves.

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So let's try and deal with the situation so that we can prevent a lot of these problems.

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My brothers and sisters, here is the Almighty, He created us he has prohibited for us to marry

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very close relatives known as Muharram. In Islam, a Muharram is a person you cannot marry because they are too closely related to you. Allah says you want to marry the further you go, the better it is. go far, go a little bit further, you get married to someone who is not within the first circle of relatives. Now naturally, there will be some differences you did not grow up in the same home. If you will have grown up in the same home, you will still have some differences. So imagine the differences you are going to have with someone you really love.

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Or do you?

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Wow.

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What that means is you say you rarely love but are you prepared to sacrifice for them? Are you prepared to communicate with them and then do and be patient and solve matters and perhaps fulfill the roles that you have to together? People argue who should do the cooking in the home? It's a big argument.

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And you have those who say no, it's the woman and some other said NO, IT'S THE MAN No, it's you know, it's me. Well, if neither wants to do it, let's go hungry. How's that? Subhanallah then when your belly begins to rumble, you decide to get to the kitchen yourself and do something on your own. Do you know something about food? I will tell you something amazing. The more there is in the pot the tastier it is. Have you ever thought of it when you have a pot and you've cooked for 20 to 40 people the taste is different from when you cook for one person alone. That's probably one of the gifts of the Almighty upon us my brothers my sisters. Let me tell you who is supposed to cook

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I think you want to know right

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both of us need to make sure that the meal is there we need to make sure that we've come to an understanding I can't say you need to do it and she can't say I need to do it both of us need to get together and ensure that this comes to being otherwise we will go hungry mashallah

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we will continue I'm quite sure just with an umbrella is that fine

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Should we continue?

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I think we should you can give me that I'll hold it and I'll keep going this is the Maldives by the way. Now I'll hold it inshallah

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there it goes. How does that look? Does it look okay?

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Mashallah, what we've done here is we've solved a problem haven't we? Mashallah.

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I hope that you can also put up your own Oh, it's getting a little bit.

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Masha Allah may Allah subhanahu wa taala grant goodness

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If we'd like to get up and go into the stands, I'm sure it's possible with me I'm comfortable where I am, inshallah.

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So my brothers and sisters,

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the Almighty has bestowed upon us great blessing and favor. And if we concentrate on the negatives, we will never come up with solutions. But if we try and look at what we have, in terms of favor of the Almighty, we will always come up with beautiful solutions.

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I think I'll wait for instruction if there is any.

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I really don't mind continuing but I'm worried about my brothers and sisters who are seated.

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If you would not like to get drenched, then maybe we can

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Should we continue in sha Allah, okay, mashallah, there goes, we pass the verdict.

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So, my brothers and sisters,

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we will as human beings always have differences. We need to learn to navigate through these differences. We need to learn to appreciate what the Almighty has bestowed upon us in terms of favor. Moments ago,

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we were told that the divorce rate is very high. Are we not prepared to

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talk things out? Are we not prepared to work things out? Are we not prepared to sacrifice? Are we not prepared to be loyal for the sake of one another? And for the sake of the betterment of our own children, offspring, family members, humanity at large? Yes, divorce is permissible. But as a last resort, we need to firstly try our best to resolve matters. We need to try our best to

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speak about things like I said earlier, sacrifice communicate, if you're not prepared to communicate, how do you expect to resolve problems? If you're not prepared to compromise to a degree? How do you expect to resolve matters? My beloved sisters, my beloved brothers, it's important that when we select a spouse, we follow the instructions of the Almighty we follow the guidelines of the Prophet Muhammad peace be upon him, he tells us to look at character he tells us to look at conduct He tells us to look at connection with the maker known as the dean the o'clock. Sometimes we don't do that. And then later on, we regret people say, Is it permissible for me to

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marry so and so? There may be permissibility. But is it really someone that your relationship will last with that you will have a good understanding with a person whose character and conduct will lead them to respecting you? We lack respect sometimes we scream and yell at each other? If that is the case, how will the relationship work, we will not be able to solve a family matter if we do not speak respectfully. If we yell and scream, shout and swear. So remember, as a believer, that should not be one of your characteristics at all, neither with family nor with those who are not your family, no yelling and swearing and abusing. Unfortunately, it is happening on a daily basis.

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You have people who come into the home as a husband perhaps, and he thinks he has the full authority to say what he wants and do what he wants, in a manner that he wishes without bearing in mind that he owes unsuitability to Allah Almighty to begin with. You owe it to Allah doc, Are you not ashamed of how you speak in the house? Are you not ashamed of how

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are the words that you utter? Are you not ashamed of your children watching the way you are handling their own mother

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and vice versa? Because at times the men are complaining to us to say you're always speaking about one side of the coin. My beloved brothers, you think we don't speak about the other side? Because you don't you're not even prepared to listen to what we have to say. I usually say I have addressed both sides. But the men what do they do? They listen to the first two minutes of your speech and then they turn it off and they feel they know better in a lot of cases, right? Then they accuse you of not having addressed the matter. But instead they are guilty of not have not listening. May Allah Almighty help us and guide us bearing in mind I'm a man too. So if we're guilty of it, it's

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collective

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We need to make sure that my brothers and sisters, we need to make sure

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that we improve ourselves in order to be able to resolve matters and problems. Don't always point a finger at the others. Remember, as you are pointing the finger at the others, the rest of the fingers are pointing back at you, you need to consider that you might be wrong. You need to make amends, you need to make sure that you listen attentively to what is being said, when people have a complaint, be it against you or the situation that happens to be troublesome. When you talk about it. Listen, and listen carefully and listen attentively. Sometimes we don't even give people a chance to communicate, they become frightened. They don't want to raise the matter simply because

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they are petrified of us how we will react what we will say, if that's the case, surely you need to improve yourself. Surely you need to improve yourself, give people a chance to speak, don't react in an emotional outburst. Put your emotions aside. And that is how you will be able to deal with problems. If you become very emotional, you're not going to be able to deal with the matters.

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But if you put your emotions aside, you listen to people, you come down, you react in a beautiful manner, you try to solve the problem. Listen to what the Quran says.

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He you read

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is law, honey, you have 50.

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Beautiful verse, Allah says, if both parties really want to solve the problem, if both parties want to solve the problem, Allah will grant them acceptance to do so.

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Don't let it be a match where one person is in it not to solve the problem, but to prove who was right and who was wrong. If you are trying to prove who was right and wrong, you're not going to solve the problem. But it should be greater than that. It's okay if I was actually right. But I don't want to mention that because at the moment I'd like to solve the problem.

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Are you prepared to take a promise from your spouse or from a family member that I will not repeat this behavior or these words or what I've done? And I promise that are you prepared to take a promise true love

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would ensure that you trusted them once again, or you worked on building the trust that having been said we need to make sure

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we need to make sure

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that we don't give people reason to mistrust us. That's very important. People say you must learn to trust me, but you're giving me reason to mistrust you.

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Let me take a moment to say Bismillah and close this umbrella right

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Mashallah.

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Mashallah, I'm thankful to Allah that we actually continued Hamdulillah.

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So we need to be prepared to sacrifice a little bit for those whom we love those whom we have come together, using the name of Allah with

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when we got to the masjid, for example, or there was an appreciation of a Nikka.

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What did we do? We use the name of Allah we said the name of Allah,

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didn't we?

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Versus will read reminding us of being conscious of Allah? Yeah. Are you hon. Dakota? Buncombe? Yeah, are you Hello Lavina

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Kula, two types of verses, one addressing mankind at large regarding relationships and Allah is saying, Be conscious of your maker when it comes to the relationships. The other one says, Oh, you who believe be conscious of your Lord. Because here you are, you are entering into a relationship,

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making the family and you will definitely need to bear Allah in mind. If my aim in life is to please my Creator.

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And your aim in life is to please your Creator, we have already minimized the problems that we are going to face. And if we do face them, we have increased the chances of resolving them because my aim and intention is to please the maker.

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So my brothers and sisters, it's important for us to realize that we will have differences. It is only human to have differences, but it is not

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the quality of a believing male or female to give up so easily

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Don't,

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you need to try your best you need to sit together, the Almighty has given guidelines of how to solve marital discord by telling us that there are several stages, if you cannot together resolve with just the two of you, then only then only should you involve seniors from either side. And that is if necessary. The reason why I say then only is because my brothers, my sisters, the initial problem that you may face, within your marriage or within your family, the world does not need to know about it, your close friends don't need to know about it. At times, even the broader family do not need to know about it.

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Unnecessarily relate your problems to others,

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it makes it more difficult to resolve, they will start interfering, and each one who loves you more will probably not be as tolerant as you would be with either your spouse or whoever, whoever the problem is with. And they might give you the wrong guidance out of love for you. They might tell you fix him, leave him, you can do better, you will get married again, et cetera. This is the type of advice you hear from people. But if that's your first port of call, do you know what you need to make sure that you've understood I told the wrong person, I told someone who really loves me so much, they not even prepared to give this person a chance. Sometimes when you expose what has

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happened in your own unit, in terms of problem to those who are around you, you may have solved the problem. But a long time later, they all still believe that you have that problem, they may cause embarrassment not just for you, but for your spouse whom you've already solve the problem with. So therefore, understand who you're speaking to, when seeking advice, you may want to seek advice from someone who doesn't know either of you at a certain point, then if still you cannot resolve the matter, you cannot solve the problem. Do you know what?

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Then you try something else, then you may want to get the families involved. And like I have said always, it depends what exactly the matter is. If it is so big and so serious, then you might want to involve your family.

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If you are in a situation where you are facing, for example, physical abuse, we won't tell you come down, sit down, it's okay forgive him relaxed. No, that's unacceptable. You are not supposed to be abused physically as a Muslim. People might cite verses and so on, they have not interpreted them correctly. That's what it is. They might say, Well, I'm allowed to do this and hang on, hang on, you may think you're allowed to do things. I want to give you one quick example.

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In Islam,

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there are two types of

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dissolving of the marriage. One is through divorce issued by the male and the other is through a nullification or a dissolution that has nothing to do with the male, but rather it's done by the justice system. The car these I'm sure in this country, that's how it works to or in countries where they don't have that, then the panel of scholars,

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one of the reasons that a marriage can be dissolved is when there has been physical abuse. If physical abuse was permissible in Islam, why would the same laws dictate that you have the right to apply for dissolution of the marriage based on physical abuse? Whoa, doesn't it show you that physical abuse is not permissible. Hence, I said earlier, when you are being abused to that degree, please involve people who are going to save you.

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Today you might be beaten, tomorrow, you might be choked, and the following day you might be murdered.

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So don't let anyone tell you that you know what you must solve all your problems. Remember, at times, the problem may necessitate that. You have escalated it to a degree where maybe the marriage might break as a last resort. As a last resort. It is a gift of the Almighty as a last resort. The reason is, we will not impose on you to live in a situation that is unbearable. It is torturing to your mental health. Nobody should ever tell you you must stay there, my beloved parents who are here. If your children are struggling in this way do not give them the wrong advice. Do not lead them to suicidal thoughts in the name of solving family problems.

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Help

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them reach out to them, if need be no problem, you are our child, you may come back you are more than welcome back home. But like I said, as a last resort, solving the matter is of paramount importance, utmost importance. However, at times, it is not going to be possible. When people are so divergent, one would wonder, what is it?

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Well, we rarely ever in love, did we really ever get together in the name of Allah? Sometimes you wonder, and I want to go beyond that, to show you that

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we would need to maintain family ties with a divorced spouse whom we have children with, to a degree based on what is better for the children.

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It is also becoming increasingly common for one of the parents to use the children as a weapon against the other, be it the mother or the father. Remember, it's your duty, not just as a Muslim, even as a human being, as a parent, unless there is definitely reason to protect the children from the abuse of that particular parent, you should always try and facilitate the relation. Children may suffer what is known as parental deficit where it plays out in their lives, sometimes sooner or later.

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And if you go back to the root of it, it was because you prohibited them from communicating with the other parents. So don't do that part of your duty as a believer is to understand if I've had children with someone come what may up to the age that they are on their own, I would have to have something to do with this ex spouse of mine by virtue of him or her being a parent who shares the same children. Wow. Just wow. SubhanAllah.

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Let's never ever hear about any one of us using children as a weapon because in that case, you are actually causing harm to the children even if you think you're not.

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It was ALLAH who decided Allah chose you did have an issue before going through divorce. Consider what exactly you're getting yourself into. In some cases, if the marriage was difficult, the divorce is even more difficult. Because it happened for reasons that were

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solvable, resolvable, you had issues that were resolvable, but you didn't.

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May Allah Almighty grant us ease. One of the issues we face also is any and every small reason you find people saying, right, they they either threatening the other one, regarding divorce, are they demanding the divorce. And at times, they just uttered it as though it's ownership of days. And I can just say, but what happened, nothing really happened. And then we want to rush to the scholars or to the courts to find out this is what happened. This is what I said, this is what we did, please help us But hang on, that you need it to pay patients don't ever don't ever threaten people with divorce. No, don't ever use it.

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As a weapon, the divorce itself to say this is what I'm going to do, oh, I want out I want out I want out I want out all day all night, any small thing happens I want out. Don't do that. We need to sacrifice I started off this talk by mentioning about true love and what exactly it entails.

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And if we're prepared for the sake of Allah Almighty, and for the sake of ourselves, our parents, our children, our families,

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to sacrifice a little bit we would definitely think

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my brothers and sisters

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there is a huge debate amongst people as to

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whether arranged marriages are better or love marriages are better.

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The answer to that is not simple, but it definitely plays a role

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in determining how this relationship is going to progress.

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When we say arranged marriage, what exactly do you mean if you mean that you have no say as a female or as a male? And your parents just decide this is the person you're getting married to and you wait for them to come in on the day you everything is confirmed the Nikka is done and suddenly you see your spouse in that case we will tell you from a religious perspective, it is wrong. It is wrong. It does

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doesn't work that way. But if you are saying an arranged introduction, whereby the parents say, You know what, my son, you're ready to get married, I'd like to introduce you to such and such a person or one of my friends has a daughter, and I'd like you to meet this person. That's called an arranged introduction. And I'd like to think in the case of a lot of us, that still applies.

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In fact, it's not a bad way of doing things, it's probably considered more durable. For the marriage. When there is an arranged introduction. Once you're introduced, you meet, you must meet, you speak, you must speak. And not just once, until you are satisfied. This is the person Yes, I was introduced by my father, to a family who has a son, for example, or a daughter, and I met

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twice and thrice. And I found them to be absolutely amazing. Inshallah we're getting married. And you find how could you get married in such an arranged, I tell you, that's not wrong, because the meaning of the term arranged marriage differs from situation to situation. In this case, it was an arranged introduction, you have the right to decline, my beloved parents here. If your child has declined, Someone, please support them stand up for them and don't shove it down their throats. It's not you getting married, it's them getting married, you might want to ask them, oh, but why? They might give you a reason. The reason might be strong, it might not be strong.

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But at the same time, if you are going to shove it down their throats, how do you expect there not to be family problems that you cannot resolve? They come to you 30 years later and say, I never ever wanted to marry you, my father forced me.

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You go back to the Father hand, grip him and say, look, what did you do man SubhanAllah. That's what one would like to do.

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Because it was criminal to force.

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So my brothers and sisters, then when it comes to what is known as the love marriages of today, the pros and cons of it, we need to realize it's easy to be fooled. So very early in that relation, you better introduce some of your family members to this individual so that they are able to guide you as to what they may notice, because the eye of Love does not notice the flaws.

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Initially,

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that initially is extremely important. The minute you get married, you start noticing all the flaws, Mashallah. But I knew you for eight years, someone says, I went out with this guy for eight years. Oh, you should have got married after the first eight minutes, by the way.

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But I went out with this guy for eight years, everything happened. And so now when I got married, we just can't get along. Well, I tell you what, I'm a believer. I can tell you that the first eight years, Chapin was just beautifying yourselves to each other, the minute you did the right thing, he did the opposite.

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That's why it's important. If you have met someone, my beloved elders, who are a little bit older, perhaps listen carefully to what I'm saying. Because some of us don't want to admit reality. And we don't want to do the right thing. If your child comes up to you, and says to you, that I have come across someone, be it at work, be it at the university, be it somewhere, it's not something I encouraged, it happened, they went out. Our children have eyes, they have ears, they come across people, they see things, let them be so close to you as a child, that they will immediately tell you today I met someone and you know what, I really feel that you need to help me because it's a

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potential spouse. I asked you a question, my beloved parents. Do you think your children would have the guts to come to you and say that? If the answer is no, please, we're living in a century and in an age where you need to have a relationship where they can come up to you and tell you exactly that. And how you react shouldn't be an outburst.

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I've already promised you to my sister's children. Relax, relax. You promised who by the way who is getting married here? Is it you owe me? That's the question.

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May Allah grant us ease. So you must be open to embracing what has come because it's not prohibited. If it was totally prohibited, we would tell you no. But culturally, we feel like we don't want to do this simply because the shackles of culture have not yet left us and coaches are brilliant. They are good. However, there are some parts of it that require if I can term it, renovation.

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That's why we face so many family problems because our children cannot communicate with us. You love them, talk to them, let them come and tell you the most absurd thing ever.

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Don't have an emotional outburst as a result of what they've just said.

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Will you not installed by the Almighty as a guardian? As a guide? Did the Almighty not bless you with children after you prayed for them? When they were little? Did you not take care of them? Don't ever use those statements against the child, use them against yourself. People say My beloved daughter, I looked after you, I took care of you. I clothed you, I sent you to school, I fed you I accommodated you. I gave you everything I spent on you, I went to work for you. How could you marry the person I want you to marry? The answer to that is my beloved father.

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When Moses went up to the Pharaoh to tell him to stop killing the people and oppressing he said, didn't we look after you? Didn't we raise you? Didn't we give you didn't we educate you? Didn't we do whatever, you know what he says? Musa alayhis salam, the Prophet Moses, may peace be upon him response? And he says, Are you really going to use all of that to deny the truth that's here, don't do that. The children will tell you, my beloved Father, I am prepared to pay you back what ever you spent on me today. Some of them will say this. How can you use that against your child, to perpetrate a crime, they don't want to marry someone and you're pushing them.

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And shouldn't be, we're living in an age where we should not even hear about those things.

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And if they would like to marry someone, and you had a good relationship with them, they would have involved you in it from the very beginning. And my beloved children, it's best to have your parents guide you always because Allah has installed a pure natural love in their hearts, even though you might feel they are hard, they are harsh. They belong to a previous generation. They don't think like us they don't understand and so on and so forth. You know, sometimes you come up with someone you might have met online, and your parents are like, throwing tantrums about it. I'm not encouraging or discouraging. All I'm telling you is when reality strikes, if it has struck that way,

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rise to the occasion, rise to the occasion, speak to them, address them, engage them meet the person whom they are talking about, they might turn out to be such amazing.

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Meaning such an amazing person, you would not even be able to get a spouse like that for your child.

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Is that not possible? Does that not happen? It does.

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So here we are addressing the parents saying, in order to resolve the matters that arise in our homes, we need to understand

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the age we're living in the type of issues we are facing, go back to the roots of these problems. And let's not repeat them.

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We might not bring back together those who are already divorced. But we've encouraged those who are considering it, to make sure that that's what you want to make sure that that is the best thing for you right now, according to you, and according to those who love you, the pure love.

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But for those who are not yet married, for those who have not yet gotten together, we go back to one of the causes, and that is people have married for the wrong reasons. Sometimes. That's why I've addressed this in a very clear way to say, My beloved parents, it's important for you

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to be open.

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To that which is permissible that might come from your children culture might say How dare you? That's not it, then we have another problem because of someone's complexion, because of someone's race, because of someone some issue we might have had some generations back. People just say no, I'm not interested. Do you have a proper reason? Or is it just because this person is darkened complexion? It is happening? It's a reality as much as we are living in society that's supposed to have gone beyond that to this day it is occurring, it is happening.

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But my beloved father, think about it, what would you like for your child? If you were to drop dead today? What would you like for your child? Wouldn't you like someone who would honor them? Who would respect them? Who would take care of them who would resolve arising matters if they have a reason?

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If that is the case, here, you've got a responsible person. They might not be the richest on Earth, but they are responsible. They have decent character and conduct and they have a connection with their maker. They have a connection with their maker. The Prophet peace be upon him says either attack mentor Bona Deena who were who Luca who has a we do a lot of aloo hooter can fit net on Phil or do you have Hassan Arian

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if someone comes to you with a proposal to marry your child, and their level of connection with the Almighty is satisfactory, and the level of character and conduct is satisfactory,

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then let it be for as long as your child wants it as well let it be the same narration and Hadith says if you do not let it be, then chaos and corruption

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rife on Earth. As a result, you start suffering in your own family, you don't talk to one another simply because you were stubborn. That's what it is. You are stubborn, that's the word. May Allah Almighty protect us.

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Difficult words I've uttered tonight. Because I know there are people still old school, my beloved parents, we prefer something we like something, it would be ideal if it was done in this particular way. I know I'm a parent of many children, some are married, some are not.

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So we all have a concern, we all have an ideal that inshallah we will do this, I hope that this happens for my child, and that happens. But as the life of this child progresses, you don't know what the Almighty is written for the child. Some things might happen that were not your ideal, they might turn out to be better than what you thought was ideal.

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Or it might be an error, a mistake.

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I know of a case where

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there was a child

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who fought with their parents to get married to someone. And after some time

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the Father gave Him and He said, Look, as much as I know this, you're making a mistake. But here goes, we let it be.

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A few years later, the same child went through a very bad divorce.

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The father did not come and say You see, I told you. I had known it. You know, this is what I was saying. You guys don't learn you guys. What are you doing salt on the wound. That's what you're doing? rubbing salt. The father says my child. I love you. And I had a feeling that a day would come when you would realize that I was right. But I want to tell you, you were not wrong. You had to learn through this learning curve that you've just learned from come back. Don't worry.

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This house is yours to wow, what a parent. What a parent, we take a page from such people

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who welcome their children when something goes wrong in their lives, but not just welcome them when a small matter has gone wrong. Sometimes, you know, we went through the virus, mashallah this country was relatively saved by Allah Almighty.

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One of the brothers was telling me, this is when all the islands came in use, because so many islands it was quite much easier to create bubbles hamdulillah

00:43:35--> 00:43:53

another bonus of this beautiful place, but in other places, and perhaps even here, businesses were affected. In fact, they were all over the world, varying degrees. Some of them, people had to rely on handouts, yet, they were

00:43:55--> 00:44:01

though those who had good salaries before, they'd never dreamt they would rely on a handout

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that puts pressure at home. On the family unit. You need to bear patients. You know, I was seated here. And I was thinking to myself as I was looking at this topic, one thing came to my mind. When you have friends, you're ready to solve your problems with your friends. Make peace again. That's my friend. You know what? Let's maintain the friendship. Why is it that when you have issues with your spouse, we're not prepared to sacrifice a little bit. We're not prepared to compromise any more

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Subhanallah

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in a lot of cases that is true. The tolerance levels are far less with your own family. We yell we scream We swear we shout if that is the case. Come on. You're a believer. You are someone who is supposed to be of high character and conduct imagine the Prophet Muhammad peace be upon Him whom you

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When I say we follow, if he were to have overheard some of what we utter in our homes, Surely it would be an embarrassment. While the reality of it is, the angels are taking a record of it, they are there. Allah Almighty is watching.

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So we need to make sure that we do better than what we've done. My brothers, my sisters, a lot has been said this evening, my timer has actually stopped. So I don't even know how long I've been speaking. But at the same time, it was so beautiful to witness the rain. It's the first time in my life that I've delivered a talk to a public where we all mashallah were affected by beautiful rain, and the bulk of us remain seated and SubhanAllah.

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Many of our brothers and sisters

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just moved aside and then came back and nobody left. So I asked Allah to help us.

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I may not have tackled the topic in the way I had intended, partly due to how the rain came in the distractions we had. But he said, I pray that I've said that which will benefit us to a degree help us to solving at least some of our matters. Remember to resolve a matter is a great act of worship. The Almighty rewards you when you sit together and try and find solutions. You will have to listen you will have to be prepared to sacrifice to compromise. You will have to be prepared to make change. You will have to be prepared to admit fault. You will have to be prepared at times within yourself. to challenge yourself to change habits that you know keep reoccurring to create further

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problems.

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But with all that, remember to pray. Seek the help of the Almighty something known as dua. Dua translates a supplication supplicate to the Almighty, ask him cry to him, Oh Allah help us resolve our problems. Oh Allah help us so that we can live in goodness and harmony help us so that we can actually make amends and reward us. Similarly and I end on this note,

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when you are having good days, be thankful to Allah.

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Allah says when you are thankful, I will increase the goodness you're in LA,

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Chicago to La as Eden. How Allah says, when you are thankful if you were to think we will grant you increase in that goodness and in other goodnesses so therefore, in your good days, remember to thank Allah don't transgress together, but find yourselves praying together. Those who pray together generally will be together will live together will love together will go through their challenges together, everything will happen and inshallah they will still remain together.

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But those who transgressed together,

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only Allah knows what would happen. May Allah Almighty bless every one of us May He make us from those who can show gratitude during good days. appreciate one another learn to utter words of appreciation to one another because we are very quick to utter words that are cutting when something goes wrong we are very quick to pick on those around us. But when a million things went right, no one said the word every meal Be thankful everything that comes say a good word I thank you learn to appreciate one another when you look at each other

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say a good word you're looking good mashallah looking gorgeous looking young Hamdulillah

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I could have gone on but let's cut it there inshallah we will continue further at some point by the will of Allah in this beautiful beautiful city of Oulu Malay.

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I passed here the last time this time, I've actually come here and I found it to be absolutely amazing and stunning. I think if I were living in the Maldives, perhaps I would have chosen to live in koulamallah