Red Pill, Toxic Masculinity, & Vulnerable Sisters – Miftaah Retreat.2023

And with 124 submissions, the number one voted question this evening is, how do we navigate the increasing trends of red pill Muslim men, many of the brothers of the community are fall into these ideologies making it unsafe for women. So this will be my last answer. Because we're out of time and I'm gonna get cancelled in a second.

We'll send you to Egypt after the saints valid, vitiated, some sugarcane juice, and I'll

repeat the question and explain the questions.

Sure, how do we navigate the entry increasing trends of red pill Muslim men, meaning men that are starting to buy into the ideology that others consider to toxic toxic forms of masculinity? That's the idea of the question, right? How do I, by the way, I am of the others that can consider this sucks. It's just be patient with me. How many of the brothers of the community forms these ideologies make it unsafe for women? Look, there's no way we can unpack this very loaded subject in a few minutes. But I mentioned to you a few thoughts that I have in mind.

The masculine Azhar, Max Kulin, I know that's not the word. It was another conjugation of that same word. It take but yes, yeah, that one.

The masculinization of men is not the solution to toxic masculinity. Okay, it's not the solution to make them less men is not the solution. The solution is to separate toxic from masculinity, to promote healthy masculinity. Where do we find healthy masculinity? It's called, yes, prophetic masculinity. The seed of our prophets, Allah Allahu Allahu alayhi wa sallam, right?

You know, and after I give you two examples, did the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam promote greed as a virtue? Of course he didn't. Nowadays, there's this notion that, you know, a, a man of value is someone who is making this amount of money in his income, right? That's a super shallow, materialistic mindset men and or women being valued by how much money they make is putrid. It's disgusting, right? So another maybe form of this is that a man of value is a man that can sort of forgive me for for borrowing their term bag X number of women, right? Collect win over, you know, dominate, attract this number of women. Is that part of prophetic masculinity, okay, so we throw

that one out as well. But the problem is, and this is this is normal, throwing the baby out with the bathwater is human nature, you know. And so when you throw out masculinity altogether, the world will not be safer for women, the world will not be more fulfilling for women. It's so profound. How I want you to look at the flip side what I mentioned earlier with the question about

the Hellfire question that was posed earlier, looking at what the Prophet SAW Selim did, in a time when people were I don't know what color pillar we're gonna use as the, okay. The counterpart, but people had drunk the Kool Aid about women being inherently inferior because they can't make as much money as men can't think of pre modern tribal society, and they can't defend the tribe as well as the men can.

When the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam came to overturn that,

that backwards mindset. How did he do it? Did he say you're all wrong? And my gender revolution is going to establish that men are that women are just as capable as earning as men, and just as capable as defending as men. He didn't fall for that we fell for that today, by the way, on the opposite end, right? What he did sal Allahu Allahu wa sallam, he transcended that whole swing of one extreme to another, the pendulum effect, he broke the metric. If a woman were to be valued based on how well she measures up against men, then you're already accepting the man as the ideal, right or wrong. You're already you'll never escape your shadow then, because he is the measuring stick. So

what he did is that a woman has unique strengths, this gender distinction, in understood in the correct way is the only way we can actually appraise and value.

It is not inequality is very interesting. I'm not going to rant here, but it is very related. It's not inequality, when understanding the unique contributions of women, not the identical to say your mother, your mother, your mother, your father. I had a woman who walked out of my lecture once on women's rights in Islam

She said that's inequality because three does not equal one. Unless we're talking Trinity. That's a whole nother story.

What? Too much too fast? I'm sorry. I'm a New Yorker recovering New Yorker pray for me.

And so that's the idea. But think about it. She kind of has a point for a moment, doesn't she? Is your mother, your mother, your mother, then your father equality? No, but is it? Is it fair? It is fair. Why? Because your mother carried you he didn't. She birthed you. He didn't she nursed you. He didn't, then he got in on it. That's what occurred to him. Oh, Allah said so it makes perfect sense. This is not sort of rite of obedience. This is three times the emphasis on kindness. Right? And so because there are different different expectations and different value metrics our place,

right, because she did something different, she offers something different. So she gets an extra share or a differentiator. Likewise with men, men have unique strengths. We want to proliferate those, we want to promote those. We want men to exert their external agency on the world in healthy ways. Only if we do that, through the prophetic model, can we ever get past the swinging of the pendulum effect and actually find our women in a safe place where they're not just toss a vulnerability without end? I know that's sort of a little bit abstract, but it's the best I can do in three four minutes.

And I have resources for you if you'd like to

explore this further and may Allah azza wa jal guide us all and protect us from being swallowed up by you know these wars that are not our words, right? May Allah azza wa jal keep us hearing the voice of the prophet in the middle of the noise and keep seeing his light in the middle of this darkness. Allahumma Amin was Allah Allah wa salam ala canovee. And if you can see that share the resources and we'll just do less. The question is to call out this is somebody asked about this, the cloud is a very important question. And if you just share the resources shared, if you I mean,

doctor that would relate has been publishing for a while now on prophetic masculinity. There have been some good discussions that you have seen elsewhere about like manhood men of the house, what does that even mean healthy masculinity? Dr. Osman ammaji has some publications, Dr. Todd collage and myself collaborated on a paper about gender uniqueness and all of this.

But honestly, to be honest, men Thrive among men. Okay, the same way that sisters programming is wholly beneficial for our sisters. And so to create spaces, not just lectures, not just literature, where this can materialize is a necessity of the hour right now for our communities, where we model this and the rite of passage where people can embody this, that is really the what's going to be a game changer in sha Allah in the Muslim community being a standout as a solution model for this gender incoherence.