Reflections on Marriage #5

Isn't he a handy little bit of me and was set out to sit down while I should have filled me with will see.

Muhammad Rasul Allah is Allah Allah Allah He wrote early he was so you send them this Lima because here in cathedra from Abbado, my brothers and sisters

a lot of anatella

told us about marriage into the room. In the most beautiful ayat Allah said, oh we live in a shakedown regime will mean it and Hala Calico Minun fusi comas Raja Lita scone with a word you're either buying Hakuna Matata dato Rama in vivo Erica iOttie likoma Yatta for karoun. Allah said which means and in His signs And among His Signs is that he created for you mates from among yourselves.

And Allah mentioned three things, later schooner villa, so that you may find tranquility and score with them

with Allah Binaca Baba and Allah place between you love, war Rama and mercy

in the Fiza Rika le Aya T li Komiya tafa karoun. And in this, there are signs for people who reflection May Allah makers among those who reflect and who take lessons from our from the signs that Allah subhanaw taala gave us a brother or sister the last Mandela mentioned three things which are necessary for a successful marriage number one is that there should be soon there should be tranquility, a ship is created to sail on the high seas. Part of the

part of the part of what comes with sailing on the high seas is storms. So a ship a good a well built ship is supposed to weather storms be beaten by waves and wind and so on, but survive to come into the harbor. Now what happens when the harbor as a storm brewing in itself, a strong line in which to grab the ship as soon as the ship comes into the hub. This is where tranquility is so important. So cool is so cool. So cool means complete.

Absence of distrust, absence of criticism, absence of unnecessary pressure, the home must be a place of restfulness of complete safety is something that spouses forget that it is critical for the human being to have a friendship or relationship in which there is no need for barriers. Sadly, we make our marriage a place where barriers are absolutely critical. If you did not have defenses, you will be destroyed because your wife or your husband is waiting to destroy you. That's not a marriage. I don't know what to call that thing.

The best friendship is where there are no defenses, there is no need for a defense because you know that your friend is always always always in your corner. I had a friend like that. But he's was there was never in my mind the slightest doubt, ever. That birdie would do anything to harm me. On the other hand, I knew that but he would give his life to save me if I needed that. So seriously, if we can't do that with a marriage, that marriage has no future.

A marriage must be a place the home must be a place where the husband and the wife have no need for defenses. No need for putting on an act, no need for trying to win the approval of the other because their approval is is a given must be a given must always remain a giver. There is no need to dance like a monkey to please the other person. Seriously, I think these are things to really think about and say what is the meaning of Sukkot. So one obviously also means that you don't wander, your mind doesn't wander, your gaze doesn't wander your heart doesn't wander away from your spouse. And remember, a lot of a lot of times that wandering is created by the spouses for each other. The

reason it the mind and the heart and the eye wanders is because of the lack of sukoon in the hope. You create a place of turmoil you pray you your home is a place of turmoil. Guess what's going to happen? Your wife or your husband is going to find that Sukkot somewhere else. This is haram in Islam. It is not permissible. But this is human nature. This is animal nature. If you create too much of trauma and replace that bird, that animal will escape. And that is what that that's what will happen to a marriage. The person will go away because it's just too painful and too problematic.

To be in the home. This is also where the role of parents, I'm sorry to say this, but can be destructive, seriously destructive. And I know there are parents who are not destructive to marriages. But believe me, when I'm thinking of this, almost every marriage that I saw breaking up in front of my eyes, the one of the root causes of that was

one of the parents of either the husband or the wife, who interfere. And this husband or wife, that child, or that parent is still a child. As I said, postponing childhood is a lethal pastime, please don't do that. Right? Tell the children you are grown up, you're married, has finished. As far as I'm concerned, your husband and your wife, your relationship is yours. We will not interfere in that. We saw a very beautiful example of that, quite literally, my wife and I were with some friends. I want mentioned the country I want to the people and the law. May Allah bless them. When one of their daughters were recently married, she came and we were all sitting down to go to a meal

together.

The men were on a different table, because of too many people. So the member are different table the women are different table. My wife later told me that this girl started to say something about her Husband, husband family, which looked like it might be critical. She said her mother put a stop to that right that she had mother said to her, you are married into that family, that is your family. Now, their honor is your honor, their dishonor is there, this is your dishonor. I don't want to hear anything critical about them, unless it's a life threatening thing for you. And that was the end of that conversation. Today. Many years later, many children later, they the her dad, husband, wife

have a beautiful life, the beautiful relationship and the children are growing up beautifully Alhamdulillah. And all of that is down to the wisdom of that mother that one conversation which lasted maybe 10 seconds.

Put that girl back on the tracks for a beautiful marriage. Sadly, that is a rarity. In most cases, the mothers will give into that, and the mothers will, you know they will do they will they will they pamper, and they do all kinds of stuff. And they just ate a bit. And the end of it is the marriage breakdown. Please, please, please don't do this to yourself. Don't do this to your children stay out of their lives. If your son or your daughter is too young to take decisions on their own. Without your advice, do not get them married, keep them tied to your apron strings, keep them in the nursery, love them to death, it doesn't matter. Don't ruin somebody else's life by getting them

married. It marriage is only between adults. There is no child marriage in Islam right now, very clearly make this make this clear that this will not happen and you will not allow this to happen. Make sure that your your children understand this. And

make sure that the

that the parents are stop interfering in the lives of their children, and leave them alone. Now. So the husband wife really think about this. If you're still a child, you still have to run to your mom to ask for advice to tell her blow by blow what your wife said to you or what your husband said to you, then really go look in the mirror at yourself. Right? Have some shame. stop destroying the life of another person. If you really think if that's what happened to you, get a divorce, go home and stay with your mom. Right? That's better for you. It's better for all concern. How many times I've seen this children that children also are there now. The children are there. And then there is this

mom, mother of the husband mother the wife was ruining the life for all of them. And the children again now they become pawns in a political game. And the father is trying to win them over by bad talking the mother. The mother is trying to win them over by by bad talking the father La hawla wala Quwata illa biLlah in Delhi Lahainaluna. You are brothers sisters, please don't destroy yourselves. Don't destroy your children. Don't destroy your marriage don't destroy their lives because believe me, this is the example that you are teaching them of how to run their marriages. Remember what will happen Think of what will happen to them when they get married. What do they have to look back to as

an example, this example of yours? It sticks. It is terrible. It is dirty. It is lousy. Please make us the far make Toba. Go and apologize to each other apologize to your children. And if your parents have been interfering, tell them to get out of your life. As simple as that that

We politely but tell them very clearly sorry, this is where it stops. We are not coming to you for advice and you don't give us advice we serve you we love you, we respect you, but don't destroy that respect. I cannot respect somebody who is trying to destroy my marriage as simple as that and because you're my mother because you're my father doesn't change anything. So be very clear about that and do this do a favor to yourself more tomorrow inshallah was Allah Allah Allah will carry while he was away remember Africa Hola.