Reflections on Marriage #1

filarmonica Rahim Al hamdu Lillahi Rabbil Alameen wa salatu salam ala Shara filmbay Will mousseline Muhammad Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam does Lehmann coffin Katya from a model of revenue, just as I mentioned to you the importance of Ramadan, and the importance of reflecting and among the things I mentioned was the importance of reflecting on that, which distinguishes us from animals, which is our value systems, which is our morals, ethics.

Animals do not have that, we have it,

let us see whether we benefit from that or not. Now, another thing which distinguishes us

from animals is our relationships.

And I don't mean the biological relationships, the relationship of the mother to its child is also there among animals.

But in even there, the duration of it.

And what comes with it, for example, the mother to child relationship in animals is for the duration of

the time it takes for the child for the,

the cup of the Tigris so the lioness, the calf of the wildebeest or the summer, and so forth, to reach maturity. Now, once that animal has reached maturity, and in the case of animals, this is usually months, in some cases, it is a couple of years, the there is the connection between the mother and the child is severed, it's no longer there. To the extent that of course, as we know, male animals will,

will meet with any female, including its own mother, or its

siblings from it's from the same litter from which in which it was born. So, there again, the differentiation is in terms of ethics, morals and values, it's not biological.

Now

therefore, what what differentiates us is our relationships and as I mentioned, those which are not biological, in the case of human beings, the biological relationships are also regulated. And they are also part of the,

the way they are dealt with, is also thanks to our value systems.

The one relationship,

which differentiates us, which is not biological, is the relationship of marriage.

Animals, most animals do not pair for life, first of all, the pair, they don't marry the pair, and most of them do not bear for life. The very few armed as I'm talking to you, I'm trying to think of, in the mammalian world, whether there are any, I can't think of any, among the birds, there are some birds which bear for life. And maybe that's why they're called bird brain, but they're there for but but even in that case, the pairing is pairing meaning that the purpose the primary, and, and or the only purpose of that pairing is to produce young. So they when they pair for life, every year, they made they these birds, they lay eggs, there is they're young, and this happens, as long as they can

do it or as long as one of them until one of them dies, and then the period the bearing is broken,

in the case of other animals, mammals and so on, so forth. This is a lifelong thing until the animal cannot do it anymore, it becomes incapable of giving birth. So the pairing is purely, again for the biological purpose of increasing the tribe, so to speak, in human beings, this is what differentiates us from animals, which is our

relationship of marriage in a very different context. Yes, marriages also for the sake of,

of having children. But it is not only for that purpose, and the whole

the whole relationship or marriage,

in many ways, and inshallah we'll talk about some of that today and maybe tomorrow.

For it to succeed has to be independent of the children. Now I want you to I want you to reflect on this. It has to be in deep I'm not saying don't have children, by all means have children. May Allah grant you beautiful children who are healthy in every way and who are credit to you and

A means of benefit and Sacajawea for you. But the purpose of the marriage is not only to have children if the if you think that the purpose of marriage is only to have children that there is no difference between your marriage, and the pairing of,

of any other animal, any other animal mammal,

our weddings, and our marriages are for something different than that something different is companionship is friendship.

I want you to think about that in the context of your own spouse, as you're listening to me.

The purpose of marriage is really companionship, and friendship.

The fact that you may have children

is a byproduct of that, it comes out of that that is not the purpose of the marriage. If the purpose of the marriage is only to have the idea is only to have children, that's an animal.

An animal function is not a human function. Now, when we look at it from that perspective, let me remind you that friendship and companionship, the lifeblood of that the platform on which that software runs is called communication.

It is called communication that communication is not only talking so you might say well, you know, I don't talk too much. It's not just talking it's a it's a question of the understanding between the spouses. It's a question of communicating between the spouses, no matter what form that communication takes, talking will definitely be a part of it, let me assure you, it's not unless you're, you know,

you're physically handicapped in the way of being unable to speak, that's a different issue. But I'm saying as long as you can speak, talking definitely is important talking is very much a part of of communication. But it is not restricted to that. So communication is not simply saying, you know, at eight o'clock in the morning, everyone is saying I love you, or something or are sending each other happy anniversary cards or anniversary gift or birthday gifts. Unfortunately, we seem to have reduced our lives to these symbols.

And we think that you know, if I celebrate Mother's Day, I've done my duty to my mother, if I celebrate Father's Day, and give my dad a gift, I have done my duty to my father. None of this is these are things I have loved. This is nothing wrong with that, if somebody is, you know, giving a gift to their mother or father, and very, one of the problems of Muslims is many, many of them very pompously pontificate and say, Oh, but you see, for a Muslim, my every day is Mother's Day. But I don't know, I don't want to use bad language at this further reminder. But really ask yourself, when was the last time you talk to your mother, especially those who are living far away, when was the

last time we spoke to your mother, and you and now we have all kinds of communication available for us, right? Even those who are living next to their mother in the same house, when was the last time you sat down and spoke to your mother, one on one, just be with her, when was the time when when when when you do that? Right? Now, again, we I don't want to go off track in this, we're talking about marriage, the same thing applies to your husband to your wife.

Think about this, for many of us will be married, have the love for you know, 20 3040 years and so on and so forth. And one of the benefits or hamdulillah

at least I will say in my family.

My wife and I this year we have been married 38 years from 1985 onwards. But for us, one of the one of the beautiful things is that when we say these two

in my case, even my brother you know, to to our sisters, the older ones.

Our parents are no longer with us. We ask Allah to give give all of them janitor for those without his admin Shala. But we when we talk to our elders, and we say we've been married 38 years, you see a smile on their face. And that smile, of course is they are happy about this, but they're smiling because they've been married 50 years is that hamdulillah so we come from this culture where you know being married for decades is not a it's not a unique thing is not something strange. But the point here is this. The point here is that

those

talking of of somebody who's married for these many years, one of the things to contemplate is this very simple and I'm saying this specifically to the women, which is that for 38 years for 40 years for 50 years, your husband was responsible for you legally by Islam.

You did not have to worry about your food you did not have to worry about your house you did not have to worry

about any material thing, it was your husband's job, and Alhamdulillah he did his best. He lived with that stress he lived with that. You know, the consciousness. And believe me, just like your husband cannot understand what the pain of of delivering a child is. You cannot understand what it means to constantly have this thing in your mind that I am responsible for my family. There's no way you're gonna understand that because that is not the responsibility that's given to you by God. Now, think about this. If you got if you got married at the age of 25, and you've been married for 40 years, your husband has taken care of you for much longer than your father did.

That's why I said if Sajida had been legal to anyone other than Allah, I would have told the woman to make a salute to her husband. He didn't say to her father, it's not a matter of of making surgery to any man to her husband. Why because of this responsibility Allah subhanaw taala mentioned in the Quran original Ohkawa Munna Allah Nisa, the men have been given authority over the women, I'm sorry, this may not sound very, you know, feminist and so forth, I don't care, this is the color of Allah subhanaw taala responsibility obviously doesn't mean to boss around and you know, kick them or something, there's possibility means take take care of them. Now, this is something to be

appreciated, is something to be that experience that that appreciation to be expressed. Now, this is the whole issue of communication. And of course, equally the, the, the job of the wife is to make the home obey a place of tranquility and, and, and, and beauty and if your wife has been doing that for you know, decades, that that requires you to show your expert, your your your appreciation. Now, this is the whole issue of communication as far as marriage is concerned. It's not about it's not just about the physical relationship and so on. It's not just about you know, having children it is far more as I told you the physical relationship and having children is common to animals, any any

or all animals who that we are talking about what differentiates us and hopefully raises us above them and that is the issue of communication more tomorrow inshallah give this some thought as I said, don't don't have the time for reflection, let us think about this. Saying that what is this level of communication if you if you had a thermometer to measure communication in your marriage, what would that be registering? Think about that was Allah Allah Allah will carry Valley he was I remember how to get ahold